Original subtitles

>> Frankenstein: ELIZABETH, WILL

YOU MARRY ME?

>> NOW?

VICTOR, THIS IS MY WEDDING

RECEPTION, AND I LOVE

HENRY CLERVAL.

>> Frankenstein: BUT I'M BETTER!

>> NOT FOR ME!

>> AH, MY BRIDE AND MY BEST

FRIEND -- THE PERFECT MOMENT FOR

A TOAST.

>> DARLING.

>> A LONG LIFE!

TO THE THREE OF US!

>> TO THE THREE OF US!

>> Frankenstein: TWO OUT OF

THREE OF US!

[ THUNDER CRASHES ]

>> OH, GOODBYE, MY DARLING.

[ SMOOCHES ]

>> Frankenstein: HOW 'BOUT NOW?

>> MY HUSBAND HAS JUST DIED!

>> Frankenstein: IT'S ALWAYS

SOMETHING WITH YOU.

>> BY GIVING ME THAT ELIXIR, YOU

SLOWLY MURDERED HENRY WITH OLD

AGE!

>> Frankenstein: YES, AND, LIKE

HIM, EVERY OTHER MAN YOU LOVE

WILL DIE -- EXCEPT ME.

>> VICTOR, AT LEAST GIVE ME A

LITTLE TIME.

>> Frankenstein: THAT, I'VE GOT!

[ THUNDER CRASHES ]

>> [ SCREECHES ]

>> [ HOWLS ]

>> * BEYOND SPACE AND TIME

* STRANGER THAN THE SOUL

* IS THE WORLD

* DEEP INSIDE THE FRANKENHOLE

[ BOTH SCREAM ]

>> AAH!

>> * LEAVE ALL HOPE BEHIND

* GIVE UP ALL CONTROL

* TAKE MY HAND

* WE'RE GOING DOWN THE

FRANKENHOLE *

>> [ LAUGHS EVILLY ]

>> Frankenstein: HOW ABOUT NOW?

>> OH, ALL RIGHT!

[ "THE WEDDING MARCH" PLAYS ]

>> Polidori: DO YOU,

ELIZABETH MIZOGUCHI, TAKE

VICTOR FRANKENSTEIN TO BE YOUR

LAWFUL WEDDED HUSBAND FOR ALL

ETERNITY?

LITERALLY?

>> I FINALLY DO.

>> Polidori: I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU

MAN AND WIFE.

[ BOTH SMOOCH ]

>> Frankenstein: [ YAWNS ]

>> HEY!

[ GASPS ]

>> Frankenstein: I'M SUDDENLY...

SO BORED.

>> Polidori: WELL.

WHY DO YOU LOOK SO CHIPPER?

>> Frankenstein: DO I?

QUITE RIGHT.

NO IDEA, THOUGH.

I MEAN, ELIZABETH'S BEEN

IMPOSSIBLE LATELY.

>> Polidori: IT IS THAT TIME OF

THE YEAR AGAIN.

>> Frankenstein: OF THE YEAR?

[ CHUCKLES ]

POOR POLIDOLLY.

BRILLIANT SCIENTIST, BUT FAR TOO

QUEER TO KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT A

LADY'S TOILET AREA.

>> Polidori: I WAS REFERRING TO

YOUR WEDDING ANNIVERSARY.

>> Frankenstein: OH, THAT.

WELL, ANNIVERSARIES USUALLY PASS

WITHOUT TOO MUCH DRAMA.

ALL YOU REALLY HAVE TO DO IS

IGNORE THEM.

>> Polidori: NOT THIS TIME, MY

LAD.

BY MY CALCULATIONS, THIS IS YOUR

1,000th.

>> Frankenstein: ALREADY?

BALLS!

WELL, I'M SURE YGOR HAS IT ALL

COVERED.

>> Polidori: REALLY?

>> Frankenstein: OH, HE'S VERY

GOOD.

WATCH.

YGOR.

>> Ygor: YES, MASTER?

>> Frankenstein: JUST WANTED TO

TOUCH BASE ON A FEW MATTERS I

NEED DOING.

HAVE YOU DECIDED WHAT MY

FAVORITE COLOR IS?

>> Ygor: NO. NOT YET.

YOU'RE LEANING TOWARD BLUE,

THOUGH.

>> Frankenstein: I SEE.

HOW ABOUT MY THROAT?

HAVE YOU CLEARED THAT YET?

>> Ygor: AH.

I WAS JUST GETTING TO IT.

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

THERE -- DONE.

>> Frankenstein: AND, UH, DID

YOU GET MY WIFE AN ANNIVERSARY

PRESENT?

>> Ygor: UH-OH.

IS THAT THIS YEAR?

>> Frankenstein: FANTASTIC!

IF YOU WANT SOMETHING DONE

AROUND HERE, YOU'VE GOT TO DO IT

YOURSELF!

OUT, YOU FOOL!

AND DON'T FORGET TO TAKE A CRAP

FOR ME BEFORE DINNER!

>> Ygor: [ Laughing ] YOU GOT

IT!

>> Frankenstein: LET'S SEE.

50 IS GOLD.

1,000 IS...

WAYNE NEWTON?

>> [ SIGHS ]

HOW DARE YOU COME IN LATE FOR

OUR 1,000th ANNIVERSARY?!

HAVE YOU ANY IDEA HOW HARD I'VE

SLAVED IN THE KITCHEN, TELLING

THE COOK EXACTLY HOW YOU LIKE

YOUR MEAT?

AND WHAT'S THIS?

>> Frankenstein: TA-DA!

IT'S A WAYNE NEWTON

IMPERSONATOR.

HAPPY 1,000th, DARLING!

>> HEY. DANKE SCHOEN.

>> WHERE'S THE REAL WAYNE NEWTON

IMPERSONATOR?

>> Frankenstein: HOW DO YOU KNOW

SO MUCH ABOUT WAYNE NEWTON'S

IMPERSONATORS?

>> WELL, LOOK AT HIM!

HE'S A FAT CHINESE HIPPIE!

>> HEY, I-I'M RIGHT HERE, MAN.

>> VICTOR, I'M LEAVING --

FOREVER!

[ FOOTSTEPS ECHO ]

>> Polidori: HOW DID IT GO?

>> Frankenstein: IT WAS A

BLOODBATH.

>> Polidori: SO IT WAS GOOD?

>> Frankenstein: NO.

SHE LEFT ME.

>> Polidori: SO IT WAS BAD?

>> Frankenstein: NO.

IT WAS NEITHER GOOD NOR BAD.

I FEEL NOTHING.

>> Polidori: I'M SURE THE FAT

CHINESE HIPPIE DIDN'T HELP.

>> Frankenstein: JAPANESE!

>> Polidori: REALLY?

>> Frankenstein: I'M CONFUSED,

POLIDORI.

I USED TO LOVE ELIZABETH.

>> Polidori: THE ELIZABETH THAT

WAS COMPLETELY INDIFFERENT TO

YOU.

>> Frankenstein: YEAH -- HER.

OH, GOD, SHE WAS SO BEAUTIFUL

WAY BACK THEN.

AND UNCARING AND COLD AND SO

VA-VA-VA IN LOVE WITH OTHER MEN!

AH, BUT THAT WAS ALL BEFORE I

RUINED EVERYTHING!

>> Polidori: THAT ELIZABETH IS

STILL THERE IN THE PAST, YOU

KNOW.

>> Frankenstein: [ SCOFFS ]

I COULDN'T!

THAT WOULD BE...BENEATH ME.

>> Polidori: DO YOU THINK?

>> Frankenstein: ALL RIGHT,

LOOK, I'VE BEEN AN ARROGANT,

GOOD-LOOKING, GENIUS BASTARD.

I ADMIT IT.

>> Polidori: DON'T BE SO HARD ON

YOURSELF.

>> Frankenstein: BUT ONE THING

I'M NOT IS A CHEAT!

CHEATING IMPLIES WEAKNESS!

>> I SAY UNTO YOU...

BLESSED ARE THE MEEK!

>> Polidori: OH.

OUR 11:15 HAS ARRIVED --

JESUS OF NAZARETH.

>> I WANT YOU TO INVENT SOCKS

FOR ME.

>> Frankenstein: SOCKS ARE

ALREADY INVENTED, YOU FOOL!

>> THEN SUPPLY MY FEET WITH

THEM, AND THEN YOU SHALL HAVE

ETERNAL BLISS.

YOU LIKE THAT?

I DO A LITTLE JESUS.

I GET INTO CHARACTER.

>> Frankenstein: PLEASE.

I-I DON'T NEED ETERNAL ANYTHING.

BUT WHAT I DO NEED IS FOR YOU TO

GIVE ME WHAT YOU GIVE BEST --

FORGIVENESS.

>> OKAY. WHATEVER.

YOU'RE FORGIVEN.

>> Frankenstein: NO, NO, NO.

I WANT YOU TO PRE-ABSOLVE ME

FROM CHEATING ON MY WIFE BY

CONVINCING ME THAT I'M NOT A

LOSER.

GIVE ME THAT, AND I WILL GIVE

YOU...

SOCKS!

>> YAYYYYYY!

OKAY, TRY TO GET THIS CONCEPT,

OKAY?

IT'S MY CONCEPT.

I CAME UP WITH IT.

ALL VAGINAS ARE ONE VAGINA.

CAN YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?

JUST THE ONE BIG VAGINA.

IN YOUR CASE, IT IS THE SAME

VAGINA.

PAPERFACE, LOOK AT ME WHEN I'M

TALKING TO YOU!

YOU DON'T GET THIS.

YOU DON'T GET THAT HAVING SEX

WITH HER NOW IS THE SAME AS

HAVING SEX WITH HER THEN.

IT'S THE SAME DAMN VAGINA!

JUST DO IT, PLEASE, AND GET ME

MY SOCKS.

>> Polidori: WELL, HE'S A BIT

CRASS, BUT HE'S RIGHT.

[ BEEPING ]

>> Frankenstein: W-W-WHAT WAS

THAT YOU HAD ON YOUR LEG?

>> OH.

OH, DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT.

>> Polidori: WELL, THAT'S AN ODD

DEVICE.

WHAT IS THAT?

>> WELL, NOTHING.

IT'S COMING OFF SOON.

>> Polidori: IT'S BEEPING.

>> LOOK, IT'S AN

ALCOHOL-MONITORING --

I DON'T WANT TO GET INTO MY

PRIVATE LIFE!

GET ME SOME SOCKS, AND WE'RE IN

BUSINESS.

>> Frankenstein: RIGHT.

POLIDORI, SEE TO IT THAT HE GETS

HIS SOCKS.

I'M OFF TO REKINDLE MY PASSION

FOR ELIZABETH BEHIND HER BACK.

>> OH, AND I HEAR THE COLORED

ONES MAKE YOUR FEET SMELL WEIRD,

SO I'D PREFER WHITE.

I MEAN, THEY CAN HAVE COLORED

STRIPES -- JUST NOT ON THE SOLE.

YOU KNOW, LIKE UP HIGH, THAT'S

FINE.

>> [ GASPS ]

COULD IT BE THAT THIS MAN IS THE

HISTORICAL JESUS?

>> WHERE DID THIS ONE COME

FROM -- THIS ONE HERE?

>> I CAME FROM MANY PLACES.

>> I DON'T THINK MY FATHER MADE

YOU.

YOU'RE A LITTLE CREEPY.

[ THUNDER CRASHES ]

>> Frankenstein: WILL YOU MARRY

ME?

>> NOW?

VICTOR, THIS IS MY WEDDING

RECEPTION, AND I LOVE

HENRY CLERVAL.

>> Frankenstein: NO! NO!

I'VE GOT TO STOP HIM BEFORE HE

GIVES HER THE SERUM!

>> AH, MY BRIDE AND MY BEST

FRIEND -- THE PERFECT MOMENT FOR

A TOAST!

>> DARLING.

>> Frankenstein: POLIDORI, WATCH

THIS ME UNTIL I COME BACK.

NO TIME TO EXPLAIN.

>> A LONG LIFE!

TO THE THREE OF US!

>> TO THE THREE OF US!

>> Frankenstein: TO THE THREE OF

US!

[ THUNDER CRASHES ]

>> OH, HENRY. CONSUMMATE ME.

CONSUMMATE!

>> Frankenstein: GOOD EVENING!

>> VICTOR!

YOU CAN'T BE HERE ON OUR

HONEYMOON NIGHT.

>> Frankenstein: HERE.

I BROUGHT YOU A HONEYMOON

PRESENT.

>> [ SCOFFS ]

I LOATHE YOU.

>> Frankenstein: [ GROANS ]

I WANT HER NOW MORE THAN EVER.

>> I SAY, THANKS FOR THE

PRESENT, VICTOR.

QUITE THOUGHTFUL.

>> Frankenstein: THAT'S NOT FOR

YOU!

>> Polidori #2: * LA DE HUM DUM

DUM *

* LO DE LA DEE DAY

>> Frankenstein: POLIDORI, I'VE

COME FROM THE FUTURE!

>> Polidori #2: [ GROANS ]

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO TRY TO MAKE

ME ENJOY CHRISTMAS, ARE YOU?

>> Frankenstein: NO, NO, NO.

I JUST NEED THE IMMORTALITY

SERUM.

>> Polidori #2: LET ME GUESS.

YOU FINALLY FED ELIZABETH

THE SERUM, BECAME INSTANTLY

WEARY OF HER, LIVED 1,000 YEARS

IN A MISERABLE MARRIAGE, CAME

BACK TO RECLAIM YOUR PASSION

THOUGH HER DISPASSION, BUT NOW

YOU CAN'T TAKE IT, SO YOU WANT

TO GIVE THIS ELIZABETH, WHO'S

THE EXACT SAME ELIZABETH, THE

EXACT SAME SERUM SO SHE'LL NEED

TO BE WITH YOU THE EXACT SAME

WAY SHE DID THE FIRST TIME?

>> Frankenstein: HOW DID YOU

KNOW?

>> Polidori #2: [ SCOFFS ]

YOU'RE A HETEROSEXUAL MAN,

VICTOR.

YOU'RE PREDICTABLE.

>> Frankenstein: WELL, JUST TELL

ME WHERE THE SERUM IS!

>> Polidori #2: LOOK AT YOU.

YOU DON'T EVEN CARE ABOUT THE

FUTURE, AND YOU'RE FROM IT.

>> Frankenstein: WELL, IF I

CAN'T CONVINCE YOU TO GIVE IT TO

ME, I KNOW WHO CAN!

>> NO, THEY'RE A LITTLE LOOSE.

>> Polidori: GOOD GOD.

YOU'LL GROW INTO THEM.

>> Frankenstein: POLIDORI!

WILL YOU TELL YOURSELF TO GIVE

ME THAT SERUM?

>> Polidori #2: DEAR, DEAR.

LOOKS LIKE I NEED SOME REST.

>> Polidori: IT'S THE

FLUORESCENT LIGHTING.

TRUST ME.

YOU LOOK JUST AS BAD, DEAR.

>> Frankenstein: GET ME THE

IMMORTALITY SERUM!

>> Polidori: OH, YOU DON'T WANT

TO GIVE THAT ELIZABETH SERUM, DO

YOU?

>> Polidori #2: OF COURSE HE

DOES.

>> Frankenstein: YOU TWO ARE

IMPOSSIBLE!

JESUS, LAY SOME WISDOM ON THESE

DANDIES!

>> DON'T LOOK AT ME.

I TOLD YOU EVERYTHING I KNOW.

I'M PUTTING ON SOCKS NOW.

>> Frankenstein #2: HEY, HOW

COME YOU DON'T ASK ME?

I'M A GENIUS, TOO, YOU KNOW.

>> Frankenstein: YOU'RE RIGHT!

WHERE'S THE SERUM?

>> Frankenstein #2: WHERE IT

ALWAYS IS -- IN THE CUPBOARD, BY

THE SUGAR.

>> Frankenstein: HA! OF COURSE!

>> Both: SMOOTH MOVE, GENIUS.

>> Frankenstein: ELIZABETH,

WAIT!

>> OH, LEAVE ME ALONE!

WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING?

>> Frankenstein: THERE!

NOW DRINK!

>> Frankenstein #3: ELIZABETH,

WAIT!

>> WHAT?

>> Frankenstein #3: DON'T DRINK

THAT!

>> Frankenstein: HOW DID YOU GET

OUT OF THE SOCK SHOP?

>> Frankenstein #3: I'M NOT THAT

ME -- I'M A FUTURE YOU.

>> Frankenstein: BUT I'M THE

FUTURE ME.

>> Frankenstein #3: WELL, I'M...

FUTURER.

>> IS ANYONE GOING TO EXPLAIN?

>> Frankenstein #3: YOU SEE,

VICTOR, POLIDORI WAS RIGHT.

YOU'RE JUST GOING AROUND IN

CIRCLES.

IF SHE DRINKS THAT ELIXIR, YOU

WILL JUST BE REPEATING HISTORY.

>> OH, THIS IS RIDICULOUS!

>> Both: ELIZABETH, WAIT!

>> Frankenstein: NOW, WHICH ME

ARE YOU?

>> Frankenstein #4: THE MOST

FUTUREST!

DOES THE TEA HAVE THE ELIXIR IN

IT YET?

>> Frankenstein #3: YES.

I CAN HANDLE THIS WITHOUT YOU.

>> Frankenstein #4: NO, YOU

CAN'T!

DRINK UP, ELIZABETH.

>> Frankenstein #4: WHAT?

>> Frankenstein: HUH?

>> Frankenstein #4: SHE NEEDS TO

DRINK THAT IMMORTALITY SERUM!

>> Both: HUH?!

>> Frankenstein #4: WE HAVE TO

GET THINGS BACK TO STATUS QUO.

AS MISERABLE AS WE ARE WITH HER

IN THE FUTURE, IT'S A

COMFORTABLE SORT OF MISERY THAT

I'M ACCUSTOMED TO.

>> Frankenstein: AHA.

>> Frankenstein #4: I SEE.

>> Frankenstein: I THINK WE SEE.

>> WELL, ALL OF THAT IS WELL AND

FINE, BUT FRANKLY, I'VE GONE OFF

THIS TEA.

>> All: DRINK IT!

>> Frankenstein #5: ELIZABETH!

OH.

UH, S-SO, YOU GUYS HAVE THIS

COVERED?

ALL RIGHT. GOOD.

>> AND SINCE YOU GOT THE

HIGH-ENDERS, YOU GET THIS

KITSCHY JESUS WATCH.

>> THAT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE ME.

>> NO, THAT'S YOU.

>> N-N-N-N...

>> NO?

>> IT SAYS "JESUS," BUT THAT

DOESN'T LOOK LIKE ME.

I DON'T HAVE STRAWBERRY-BLOND

HAIR.

THAT LOOKS LIKE DENNIS DeYOUNG.

>> WHO?

>> FROM STYX.

>> I DON'T...

>> * COME FLY AWAY, COME FLY

AWAY *

* COME FLY AWAY WITH ME

>> THAT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE ANY

SONG I'VE EVER HEARD.

>> OKAY, WELL, I'M MESSING IT UP

ON PURPOSE SO I DON'T HAVE TO

PAY ROYALTIES TO DENNIS DeYOUNG.

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.

IS THAT WHY I DON'T LOOK LIKE ME

ON THE WATCH -- SO YOU DON'T PAY

ME ROYALTIES?!

THAT'S SCREWED UP!

>> Past Frankenstein: AND NOW,

MY LOVE, YOUR ANNIVERSARY

PRESENT.

>> DANKE SCHOEN.

>> OH, VICTOR!

THE RE WAYNE NEWTON

IMPERSONATOR!

[ SMOOCHES ]

>> AND NOW I'D LIKE TO SING A

COVER.

* OH, COME FLY AWAY, COME FLY

AWAY *

* COME FLY AWAY WITH ME

>> Frankenstein: [ HUMMING ]

>> * YEAH, WE'RE SETTIN' AN OPEN

COURSE *

* ON THE VIM VAM VIRGIN SEAS

>> Frankenstein: HEY, WAIT A

SECOND!

I'M SUPPOSED TO BE UP THERE!

>> Frankenstein #3: AH, LET THE

KID HAVE SOME FUN.

* OH, SECOND VERSE...

>> Frankenstein: YEAH, YOU'RE

RIGHT.

[ HUMMING ]

>> [ SIGHS ]

IT'S FIVE MINUTES AFTER THE LAST

TIME YOU ASKED ME.

>> ACCORDING TO WHOSE WATCH?

>> THIS WATCH -- THE ONE WITH

YOU ON IT WITH THE

STRAWBERRY-BLOND HAIR.

>> OKAY, WELL, THAT'S NOT ME.

OH, FORGET IT.