Original subtitles

>> GANDHI-JI, THERE IS STILL NO

SIGN OF PEACE.

[ STOMACH GROWLS ]

>> OH!

NEHRU, DON'T SAY THAT WORD.

>> WHAT, "PEACE"?

[ STOMACH GROWLS ]

>> YES!

I'M HUNGER-STRIKING HERE!

>> THE WORD "PEACE" MAKES YOU

HUNGRY?

[ STOMACH GROWLS ]

>> [ SCOFFS ]

IT'S PAVLOVIAN CONDITIONING.

EVERY TIME THERE'S PEACE...

[ STOMACH GROWLS ]

...I EAT.

NO PEACE...

[ STOMACH GROWLS ]

...NO EAT.

>> GOT IT.

GOD, THOSE GIRLS ARE HOT.

>> HA.

TELL ME SOMETHING I DON'T KNOW.

>> OOH, I'D LOVE TO GET A PIECE

OF THAT ACTION!

[ STOMACH GROWLS ]

>> YOU SAID IT AGAIN.

>> IT WAS JUST A HOMONYM!

>> IT DOESN'T MATTER!

>> SO, THOSE GIRLS, HAVE YOU

EVER HAD ONE?

>> [ CHUCKLES ]

ARE YOU KIDDING?

THEY LOVE THAT I'M SO SENSITIVE

AND SELFLESS.

>> OH, THAT'S GREAT!

>> WHAT'S SO GREAT ABOUT IT?

I ONLY GET THE WOMEN WHEN I'M

HUNGER-STRIKING, AND THAT'S

WHEN I'M WEAK AND BRITTLE.

WATCH THIS.

RISHIMA, CAN YOU COME OVER HERE

A MOMENT, PLEASE?

>> YES, MASTER.

>> [ GRUNTING ]

[ BONES CRACK ]

AAH!

OWWWW!

>> WHAT HAPPENED?

>> OH, I SNAPPED MY HIP.

THAT WILL BE ALL, RISHIMA.

[ GROANS ]

SEE? BRITTLE.

>> YEP. YOU'RE RIGHT.

>> YEAH.

OH, IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY,

NEHRU.

WHENEVER I'M NOT THINKING ABOUT

GLOBAL HARMONY, WHICH IS A LOT,

ALL I'M THINKING ABOUT ARE THE

LADIES.

>> SAME HERE.

BOY, WE ARE LIKE TWO PEAS IN A

POD.

[ STOMACH GROWLS ]

>> OHH!

>> I SAID "PEAS"!

[ STOMACH GROWLS ]

>> I KNOW!

THEY'RE DELICIOUS.

[ THUNDER CRASHES ]

>> [ SCREECHES ]

>> [ HOWLS ]

>> * BEYOND SPACE AND TIME

* STRANGER THAN THE SOUL

* IS THE WORLD

* DEEP INSIDE THE FRANKENHOLE

[ BOTH SCREAM ]

>> AAH!

>> * LEAVE ALL HOPE BEHIND

* GIVE UP ALL CONTROL

* TAKE MY HAND

* WE'RE GOING DOWN THE

FRANKENHOLE *

>> [ LAUGHS EVILLY ]

>> Polidori: COME THIS WAY.

>> [ GROANING ]

>> Polidori: THE BARON IS

PUTTING SOME FINISHING TOUCHES

ON OUR BRIDE'S MAKEOVER.

[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLES ]

[ BELL DINGS ]

[ WHIRRING ]

>> Frankenstein: THERE.

THAT'LL KEEP THE CREATURE AWAY

FROM HER.

>> OH! LOOK!

HER HAIR IS ON FIRE!

>> Polidori: DON'T BE

RIDICULOUS.

HER HAIR'S NOT ON FIRE, YOU

FOOL.

HER HAIR IS FIRE.

>> OH. WELL, EASY MISTAKE.

I MEAN -- I MEAN, "FOOL" WAS A

LITTLE HARSH.

>> Polidori: MOHANDAS K. GANDHI,

VICTOR FRANKENSTEIN.

>> FRANKENSTEIN?! EEK!

>> Frankenstein: "EEK"?

>> OH. UH, WAIT.

YOU'RE NOT FRANKENSTEIN.

>> Frankenstein: BUT I AM.

>> NO, NO, NO, NO.

FRANKENSTEIN HAS A SQUARE HEAD,

AND HE'S BIG AND SPOOKY.

>> Frankenstein: I AM

VICTOR FRANKENSTEIN -- THE

CREATOR.

WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?

>> YOU SEE, I'M KNOWN IN MY TIME

PERIOD FOR IMPLEMENTING THE

PASSIVE RESISTANCE THROUGH MY

HUNGER-STRIKING.

>> Frankenstein: [ Yawning ]

UH-HUH.

>> AM I BORING YOU?

>> Frankenstein: YES. GO ON.

>> WOW. OKAY. SO -- I...

ANYWAY, ALL OF THIS

HUNGER-STRIKING IS MAKING ME

VERY WEAK AND BRITTLE.

WATCH.

[ BONES CRACK ]

SEE? WORTHLESS.

>> Frankenstein: I SEE.

>> SO, I'M AFRAID I WON'T BE

ABLE TO HOLD UP LONG ENOUGH TO

BRING THE UNITY TO INDIA --

A-AMONG OTHER THINGS.

>> Frankenstein: OTHER THINGS?

>> WELL...

I ALSO BROKE MY HIP HUMPING A

BROAD THE OTHER DAY.

>> Polidori: YET ANOTHER REASON

NOT TO "HUMP A BROAD."

>> Frankenstein: WELL, I THINK I

CAN HELP YOU, MR. GANDHI.

YGOR, BRING ME THAT VIAL OF

DRACULA'S BLOOD.

>> Ygor: [ Laughing ] YOU GOT

IT.

>> DRACULA?

WAIT -- HE'S A MEAN VAMPIRE,

RIGHT?

>> Frankenstein: I DON'T KNOW

ABOUT "MEAN."

A CLOD, MAYBE.

>> REALLY? A CLOD?

I ALWAYS THOUGHT HE GOT THE CUTE

DAMES.

>> Frankenstein: YES, YES, YES.

HE HAS SOME MISGUIDED

CONFIDENCE, I SUPPOSE.

>> WHOOPS. SORE SPOT.

>> Frankenstein: I'M NOT SORE!

>> SORRY I ASKED.

>> Frankenstein: IT'S JUST -- IF

SHE'S GOING TO HAVE AN AFFAIR,

GO FOR SOMEONE MORE WORTHY OF

BEING MY SUCCESSOR.

>> OHHHH.

YOUR WIFE'S DIDDLING HIM, RIGHT?

I'D LOVE TO BE THE LADY-KILLER,

LIKE DRACULA -- YOU KNOW, THE

BAD BOY.

ME -- I HAVE TO BE THE NICE GUY

WHO'S INTO SAVING THE WORLD.

>> Frankenstein: YEAH, YEAH,

YEAH, YEAH.

>> Ygor: HERE YA GO.

>> Frankenstein: AH! GOOD!

NOW, WITH THIS BLOOD, WE SHOULD

BE ABLE TO MAKE YOUR BODY MORE

RESILIENT.

>> PERFECT!

[ THUNDER CRASHES ]

>> Frankenstein: NOW, PLEASE

REMAIN PERFECTLY STILL.

THE AMOUNT I HAVE TO ADD TO YOUR

BLOODSTREAM IS QUITE EXACT, AND

I NEED TO BE COMPLETELY FOCUSED.

>> [ GROANS ]

>> Frankenstein: THERE.

THAT SHOULD DO IT.

>> YOU KNOW, I'M FEELING BETTER

ALREADY!

[ CHUCKLES ]

>> Frankenstein: I'D LIKE YOU TO

STICK AROUND FOR A FEW DAYS,

THOUGH, SO I CAN MONITOR YOUR

PROGRESS.

THERE'S A NICE BAR DOWN THE

HILL.

>> WELL, I DON'T USUALLY DRINK,

BUT I WOULDN'T MIND DOWNING A

COUPLE OF G&Ts RIGHT ABOUT NOW.

>> Frankenstein: MY CREATION

WILL SHOW YOU THE WAY.

>> [ GROWLS ]

>> HOLY COW!

YOU'RE UGLIER THAN ME!

>> [ SNARLS ]

>> WHEE! HEE-HEE!

[ THUNDER CRASHES ]

NICE LANDSCAPING.

LOVE ALL OF THE, UH, SPOOKY,

SPOOKY TREES.

[ CHUCKLES ]

[ ANIMAL HOWLS ]

>> OHHH.

WHAT HAVE THEY DONE?

N-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O!

>> WHAT?

Y-YOU DON'T LIKE THE FIRE HEAD?

>> NO.

>> I THINK IT LOOKS KIND OF CUTE

ON HER.

>> CUTE?!

HER SULTRY LOCKS HAVE BEEN

REPLACED BY THE SCORNFUL FLOWERS

OF HEPHAESTUS.

>> OOH!

YOU'RE A LITTLE BOOKWORM, AREN'T

YOU?

I'M GONNA GO SAY "HI."

>> WAIT!

>> [ BLOWS ]

[ BLOWS ]

>> EXCUSE ME.

I'M PASSING BY AND NOTICED

THERE'S A LIGHT ON.

>> HOW DARE YOU BARGE IN HERE

UNINVITED!

>> SORRY.

I JUST NEEDED SOME REST.

YOU SEE, I'VE BEEN VERY BUSY...

SAVING THE WORLD.

>> OH. REALLY?

>> [ YAWNS ]

YES, YOU KNOW -- MARTYR

MISSIONS, LOVE RALLIES,

PROTESTING FOR PEACE.

[ STOMACH GROWLS ]

>> OH, ARE YOU HUNGRY?

I CAN WARM UP SOME MEATBALLS.

>> SOUNDS DELISH, BUT I'M ON A

HUNGER STRIKE...

FOR WORLD HARMONY.

>> OH!

MY NIPPLES -- SO ERECT.

[ SMOOCHING ]

>> OHHH.

>> [ Laughing ] OOH!

[ LAUGHS ]

>> N-O-O-O-O!

SHE WAS MADE FOR ME!

>> I DON'T SEE NO RING.

>> I'VE REJECTED HIM.

HE'S SO SELF-INVOLVED, AND HE'S

AFRAID OF FIRE.

>> [ LAUGHS ]

WHAT, THIS STUFF?

I WANT TO RUN BAREFOOT THROUGH

IT.

>> OH, GO AHEAD.

>> I THINK I WILL!

[ LAUGHS ]

OOOH, HOO-HOO!

OUCH-OUCH-OUCH-OUCH!

HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!

[ LAUGHS ]

SO HOT, HOT, HOT, HOT!

>> DO NOT MOCK ME!

>> OOH!

[ GIGGLING ]

>> [ GROWLS ]

>> BOO!

>> AAAH! CURSE MY UGLINESS!

>> OH, "BOO!"

[ LAUGHS ]

YOU ARE SO ADORABLE.

NOW, TELL ME MORE ABOUT THIS

WHOLE...

"HUNGER STRIKE" THING.

>> OH, MAMMA MIA!

[ THUNDER CRASHES ]

>> AND THEN THEY LAUGHED AT ME,

NOSFERATU.

IT WAS SO HUMILIATING!

NO, YOU HAVE A NICE HEAD.

>> HEY, WHAT'S UP, GANG?

LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED.

>> HERE COMES THE STUD NOW.

>> H-HEY! THERE HE IS.

>> [ MEOWS ]

>> HIYA, BIG FELLA!

>> [ SLURPS ]

BUENAS NOCHES, NOSTERAMO.

>> HEY, SOME GOOD ACTION AROUND

HERE.

>> 'TIS THINE ACTIONS AGAINST ME

THAT I HAVE TAKEN OFFENSE TO.

>> SINCE WHEN ARE WE BEST

FRIENDS ALL OF A SUDDEN?

>> THOU ART RENOWNED FOR THY

KINDNESS.

>> KINDNESS IS RELATIVE.

IF I'M KIND TO YOU BY NOT

HITTING ON YOUR LADY, IS THAT

ULTIMATELY KIND TO HER WHEN SHE

DOESN'T GET TO EXPERIENCE MY

DELICIOUS INDIAN BODY?

>> [ SCOFFS ]

>> AW, CHEER UP, PAL.

I TELL YOU WHAT YOU NEED -- MORE

CONFIDENCE.

LET'S JUST GET YOU SOME DRACULA

BLOOD.

THAT STUFF REALLY PUTS SOME PEP

IN YOUR STEP.

>> I WILL HAVE NONE OF HIS EVIL

PLASMA!

>> IT'S NOT SO BAD.

IT'LL MAKE YOU IRRESISTIBLE TO

WOMEN.

AND I COULD USE SOME, TOO.

>> NO!

I WILL NEV--

YOU...WANT MORE?

>> SURE.

I COULD USE A FRESHER-UPPER.

LET'S GO TO THE DOC.

>> NO. I HAVE A BETTER SOURCE.

[ THUNDER CRASHES ]

[ CHITTERING, WOLF HOWLS ]

[ HINGES CREAK ]

>> [ SMACKS LIPS ]

[ HISSES ]

OH!

>> THANK YOU!

[ GULPING ]

AHH!

SORRY -- ONLY ENOUGH FOR ME.

THANKS FOR TOPPING ME OFF,

FELLA.

>> AND NOW YOU WILL TOP ME OFF!

>> AAAAAAAAAH!

OHHHHHHH!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

>> YECH! CURRY!

[ SPITS ]

>> OKAY, WE EVEN STEVEN, THEN?

>> YES. NOW OUR BLOOD IS MIXED.

>> WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

>> LET'S GO.

>> OKAY, LET'S GO.

BUT WHAT DOES THE "MIXED BLOOD"

THING MEAN?

[ THUNDER CRASHES ]

>> Frankenstein: HE MIXED WHAT

WITH WHO?!

>> UH, BLOOD...WITH...DRACULA.

>> Frankenstein: JUST BECAUSE

YOU WERE A LITTLE JEALOUS?!

>> REALL JEALOUS.

BUT HE --

>> Ygor: GET BACK, YOU FOOL!

BURN!

>> [ SIGHS ]

>> Ygor: BURN, BURN!

>> WAIT -- UH, SO, IS THIS A

BIGGIE OR WHAT?

>> Frankenstein: IT'S A BIGGIE.

>> Polidori: I DO HOPE YOU'RE

NOT MARRIED TO THIS WHOLE "WORLD

HARMONY" THING.

>> Frankenstein: OR

HUNGER-STRIKING.

>> WHAT'S GOING ON?

>> Frankenstein: MR. GANDHI, YOU

ARE NOW A VAMPIRE.

>> YOU MEAN...

>> Frankenstein: YOU DRINK

BLOOD.

>> BUT -- BUT I'M A VEGETARIAN!

BLOOD ISN'T A VEGETABLE, RIGHT?

IT'S -- IT'S LIKE MEAT GRAVY.

>> Frankenstein: NO, HUMAN BLOOD

IS NOT A VEGETABLE.

>> HUMA BLOOD, TO BOOT?!

OH, THAT'S REALLY NOT A

VEGETABLE.

THIS IS NOT GOING TO BE SO GOOD

FOR PEACE.

HEY, MY STOMACH -- IT NO GROWL

WHEN I SAY "PEACE."

>> Polidori: THERE'S A PLUS.

>> [ GIGGLES ]

I JUST THOUGHT OF SOMETHING

FUNNY.

THAT DRACULA IS A REAL PAIN IN

THE NECK!

[ LAUGHS ]

[ STOMACH GROWLS ]

OOH!

NECK?

[ STOMACH GROWLS ]

LEG?

[ STOMACH GROWLS ]

ANY PART OF THE HUMAN BODY?

[ STOMACH GROWLS ]

OH, MAMMA MIA!

>> AAAAAH!

>> [ LAUGHS ]

GOTCHA!

SERIOUSLY, THOUGH...

[ Menacingly ] GOTCHA!

[ WOMAN SCREAMS ]

[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]

>> DUDE, I TOOK A BUS TO

NEW YORK TO GO TO DAMN VAMPIRE

FIGHTIN' SCHOOL, AND I GOT

OFF THERE, AND THEY WERE ASKING

ME -- THEY SAID, "DAMN!

YOU GOT SHOES!"

YEAH, 'CAUSE I WAS SO PREJUDICED

AGAINST NEW YORKERS!

AND I STARTED SAYING, "NO,

THINGS ARE DIFFERENT.

THINGS ARE DIFFERENT."

A-AND HE LOOKED AT ME AND SAID,

"GENGHIS KHAN RULED THE WORLD,

FROM THE -- THE JAPAN SEA

TO THE DANUBE."

THE DANUBE -- THAT'S IN EUROPE.

AND YOU KNOW WHO TOLD ME ABOUT

THAT?

DWIGHT YOAKAM TOLD ME ABOUT THAT

BOOK, AND I READ THE DAMN BOOK

FROM COVER TO COVER!

DON'T TELL ME ABOUT THE DAMN

SOUTH, MAN!

YOU'RE ARROGANT!

YOU THINK YOU'RE BETTER THAN

EVERYBODY ELSE.

NO WONDER MOST OF YOU GUYS ARE

NAZIS.

I'M THE LIBERAL HERE.