Original subtitles

[ BAT SQUEAKING ]

[ WOLF HOWLS ]

[ THUD! ]

[ SQUEAK! ]

>> MR. VICTOR, THE POOR, THEY

NEED SO MUCH MY HELP BACK IN

CALCUTTA-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A...

>> Frankenstein: [ SIGHS ]

...A-A-A-A-AAH!

DON'T GIVE ME THOSE PUPPY-DOG

EYESIES!

>> [ SCOFFS ]

BREAKFAST FOR DINNER AGAIN?

WHY MUST YOU BEGIN WORK AT

MIDNIGHT?

>> Frankenstein: BECAUSE IT IS

SPOOKY, THAT'S WHY!

IT LENDS CREDIBILITY TO MY MAD

EXPERIMENTS.

>> [ SCOFFS ]

>> Both: GOOD EVENING, MOTHER.

GOOD MORNING, FATHER.

>> GOOD EVENING.

>> Frankenstein: GOOD MORNING.

>> LOOK, MOTHER!

[ Singsong voice ] I LOST

ANOTHER TOOTH!

>> OH, HOW SWEET.

PUT IT UNDER YOUR PILLOW FOR THE

TOOTH FAIRY.

>> YAY!

[ COUGHS ]

>> Frankenstein: ARE YOU ALL

NUTS?

YOU'RE HAVING HIM PUT HIS DEAD

TOOTH UNDER A NICE, SOFT PILLOW?

>> WE ARE CELEBRATING THE CHANGE

IN HEINRICH'S BODY.

>> Frankenstein: HEINRICH, YOU

KNOW THAT THAT'S YOUR LAST

TOP-LEFT BICUSPID, RIGHT?

YOU DON'T GET A NEW ONE.

>> I KNOW.

>> ME TOO.

>> Frankenstein: AND THERE IS NO

SUCH THING AS A TOOTH FAIRY.

NEXT THING YOU'LL TELL ME IS

THAT SANTY CLAUS BRINGS DRACULA

A HUGE BUNDLE OF BABY THROATS

EVERY CHRISTMAS.

>> OOH. SPEAK OF THE DEVIL-CULA.

>> OH! HELLO!

I'LL BE RIGHT OUT, COUNT!

>> Frankenstein: WHAT DOES THE

PRINCE OF HORNY WANT WITH YOU

NOW?

>> HE'S TAKING ME TO THE OPERA,

AS IF YOU CARE.

>> Frankenstein: I'M GOING TO

THE LAB.

>> WHO ARE YOU HELPING...

>> THAT'S NOT US?

>> Frankenstein: SOMEONE WHO

ACTUALLY DESERVES MY HELP.

[ Enunciating ] ADOLF...HITLER?

[ THUNDER CRASHES ]

>> [ HOWLS ]

>> * BEYOND SPACE AND TIME

* STRANGER THAN THE SOUL

* IS THE WORLD

* DEEP INSIDE THE FRANKENHOLE

[ BOTH SCREAM ]

>> AAH!

>> * LEAVE ALL HOPE BEHIND

* GIVE UP ALL CONTROL

* TAKE MY HAND

* WE'RE GOING DOWN THE

FRANKENHOLE *

>> [ LAUGHS EVILLY ]

>> Frankenstein: WELL, THANK YOU

FOR COMING ALL THE WAY FROM YOUR

OWN TIME AND SPACE.

>> [ German accent ] MOSTLY

TIME, REALLY.

IT'S NO PROBLEM.

KIND OF FUN, ACTUALLY.

>> Frankenstein: YES, WELL, UH,

WHAT CAN WE DO FOR YOU?

>> [ SIGHS ]

I...

[ Sadly ] I HATE THE JEWS.

>> Polidori: HISTORICALLY,

YOU A IN GOOD COMPANY.

>> YEAH, BUT I'M JUST SICK OF

IT.

IT'S CONTROLLING MY WHOLE LIFE!

HERR FRANKENSTEIN...

I WANT TO QUIT HATING THE JEWS.

>> Frankenstein: THEN WHY DON'T

YOU JUST START LIKING THEM?

>> I CAN'T!

I WANT TO, BUT MY HANDS ARE

TIED!

I HATE THEM!

>> Polidori: HAVE YOU TRIED NOT

HATING THEM?

>> WHAT DO YOU THINK?

I'M STUPID? YEAH, I TRIED!

LOOK. [ GRUNTS ]

THERE! TRIED AGAIN!

STILL HATE 'EM. SATISFIED?

>> Frankenstein: WELL, IF I WERE

YOU, MR. HITLER --

>> YO WOULD DO EXACTLY AS I

DO...

IF YOU WERE ME.

[ SIGHS ]

YOU THINK I WANT TO BE LIKE

THIS?

YOU THINK I PICKED THE SHAPE OF

THIS DUMB BRAIN OF MINE?

DID I CHOOSE THE ENVIRONMENT I

GREW UP IN DURING MY FORMATIVE

YEARS?

AND WAS I MY OWN PARENTS WHO

RAISED MYSELF IN A COLD,

EMOTIONLESS GERMANIC CHILDHOOD?

NO!

DESPISING AND FEARING JEWS IS

MORE THAN JUST A FUN PASTIME FOR

ME.

IT IS A CONTROLLING HANDICAP

THAT GETS IN THE WAY OF ME BEING

WHO I REALLY AM...

A TOLERATOR OF JEWS.

>> Frankenstein: I'M SURE WE CAN

HELP YOU.

>> OH, HERR FRANKENSTEIN,

HERR POLIDORI, IF YOU CAN RID ME

OF THIS BURDENSOME CHARACTER

FLAW, I WOULD GIVE YOU

ANYTHING.

EVEN THE GIFT OF ME NOT HAVING

YOU EXECUTED BY THE GESTAPO.

I KNOW PEOPLE.

>> Frankenstein: GIVE US AN

AFTERNOON TO RESEARCH THIS

DILEMMA.

THERE'S A QUAINT LITTLE PUB IN

THE VILLAGE WHERE YOU CAN OCCUPY

YOURSELF.

MY CREATION WILL SHOW YOU THERE.

HE'S AN ALCOHOLIC.

>> WHAT UNRECIPROCATED FAVOR MAY

I CARRY OUT IN YOUR HONOR TODAY,

MASTER GENIUS?

>> FUNNY.

I ALWAYS -- I ALWAYS PICTURED

YOU AS BEING GREEN.

>> [ SIGHS ]

SHALL WE NOT TARRY?

>> Frankenstein: WELL, I'LL NEED

A SMOKE BEFORE WE START.

>> Polidori: YES, AND I COULD

USE A SWIFT WANKING.

[ THUNDER CRASHES ]

>> OH, HELLO, HERR WORKY-JOB.

TAKING A BREAK FROM YOUR

JOBBY-WORK?

>> [ LAUGHS ]

NICE ONE.

>> DON'T!

>> Frankenstein: YOU KEEP

TRYING, EH, COUNT?

>> I THINK THOSE HOLES MEAN

MORE THAN TRYING.

I THINK I DID IT.

I PUT MY TEETH IN THERE.

>> Frankenstein: YES, BUT YOU'LL

NEVER MAKE HER A VAMPIRE.

IT GETS YOUR GOAT, DOESN'T IT?

>> I ASSURE YOU, MY GOAT IS

QUITE SAFE.

SINCE ELIZABETH HERE ALREADY

IMMORTAL, WHAT I CARE SHE GOT

FANGS, SHE CAN FLAP AROUND LIKE

FLAPPY BAT?

I DON'T CARE.

SHE DOES WHATEVER I WANT.

>> Frankenstein: YOU MEAN, YOU

DO WHATEVER SHE WANTS.

>> NO, I DO WHAT I WANT, AND SHE

DOES --

SHE...DO WHAT I WANT.

>> Frankenstein: SHE DOES NOT.

>> OH-HO, YES, SHE DOES.

>> Frankenstein: NO WAY.

>> HELLO! I'M RIGHT HERE!

>> Frankenstein: NO WAY!

>> YE WAY.

BUT THIS IS CHILDISH!

WALKING AWAY DOESN'T MAKE YOU

RIGHT!

[ HISSES ]

[ CHITTERING ]

>> AAH!

MEN.

>> ALTHOUGH I AM INDESTRUCTIBLE,

A SENSE OF DREAD CONSTANTLY

PERVADES MY CONSCIOUSNESS -- AN

ENNUI THAT SENDS ME INTO FITS

OF TREMBLING UNREST THAT I CAN

FIND NO SOLACE FROM.

>> YOU'RE A JEW, AREN'T YOU?

>> MY ONLY HERITAGE...

[ SNIFFLES ]

...IS DEATH.

DEATH IS MY LEGACY.

DEATH, MY BIRTHRIGHT.

DEATH...

MY INHERITANCE.

>> YES. DEFINITELY A JEW.

>> SOMEWHAT.

MY LEFT LEG WAS CHOSEN FROM THE

CHOSEN.

>> ANOTHER DRINK?

>> TIDINGS.

>> THINK NOTHING OF IT.

I AM MADE OF MONEY.

I CONTROL MANY OF YOUR LEG'S

PEOPLE'S BANKS.

>> ONCE, I CONTROLLED HIM.

MY PRESENCE FILLED FRANKENSTEIN

WITH CHILLS!

>> CONTROL IS OVERRATED.

IT DOESN'T MAKE YOU HAPPY.

IT DOESN'T KEEP ME FROM BEING

FRIGHTENED.

>> OF WHAT ART THOU FRIGHTENED?

>> BEING CALLED A MONSTER.

>> AAH! I HATE THAT WORD!

>> [ Voice breaking ] IT

PROBABLY APPLIES TO ME, THOUGH.

>> IF YOU'RE SO AWARE OF THINE

OWN HEART, WHY STRUGGLE AGAINST

ITS LEANINGS?

>> I'M NOT ALWAYS THIS AWARE.

I HAD A DREAM.

[ BABY CRIES ]

[ MAN SCREAMS ]

FREUD!

I SHOULD HAVE KILLED YOU WHEN I

HAD YOU IN MY CLUTCHES!

>> ZOUNDS.

>> I'M SORRY! SORRY!

I'M VERY INSECURE.

>> YOU HAVE NO NEED TO BE.

>> REALLY?

OH, YOU'RE NICE, PALLY.

>> PALLY?

>> L-LET'S DO SOME SHOTS.

[ Giggling ] I FEEL ALL TINGLY!

>> I'M YOUR PALLY?

>> OOH-HOO!

I THINK I'M GETTING SPAGHETTI

LEGS.

SO, HOW'S THE LITTLE

BRAINY-HEADS DOING?

>> Frankenstein: GREAT.

THE ANSWER'S VERY SIMPLE.

SEE HERE -- NOT ENOUGH BLOOD IS

ENTERING THE TOLERANCE PART OF

YOUR BRAIN.

SO ALL WE NEED TO DO RE-ROUTE

THIS ARTERY AND IT SHOULD SEND

OXYGEN TO THAT PART OF THE LOBE,

FEEDING THE AREA THAT'S BEEN

SUFFOCATING.

>> AND THIS WILL STOP ME FROM

HATING THE JEWS?

>> Frankenstein: OH, YES.

YOU'LL BE NOT-HATING THE CRAP

OUT OF THOSE JEWS.

>> Polidori: [ CLEARS THROAT ]

>> Frankenstein: UM, BUT THERE

MAY BE ONE POSSIBLE SIDE EFFECT.

>> WHAT, LIKE DIARRHEA?

THAT'S FINE.

I CAN LIVE WITH THAT.

>> Polidori: IT'S...A LITTLE

DIFFERENT THAN DIARRHEA.

>> Frankenstein: I'M AFRAID SO,

MR. HITLER.

THIS PROCESS MAY LEAVE YOU...

LOVING THE JEWS.

>> L-L-L-L-L-L-L-LOVING?

NOT JUST TOL-L-L-ERATING?

>> Frankenstein: THAT'S RIGHT.

>> LIKE, "GOING OUT OF MY WAY"

LOVING?

>> Frankenstein: YEP.

>> [ Singsong voice ] WELL, THAT

IS A LITTLE DIFFERENT THAN

DIARRHEA.

OKAY. I'LL RISK IT.

>> Frankenstein: ADOLF HITLER,

GET ON THAT SLAB!

[ THUNDER CRASHING ]

>> HEY, SO, THE JEWS...

NOT SO BAD!

>> Both: HUZZAH!

>> VICTOR CLAIMS THAT TO BE

TRULY IMMORTAL, ONE MUST AFFECT

MANKIND IN SOME POSITIVE WAY.

>> OH, I DON'T KNOW IF BEING

POSITIVE IS ALL THAT MANDATORY.

IS YOUR LEG OKAY?

HAS IT GOT ENOUGH ROOM?

>> YES. SUFFICIENT.

ALAS! I FALL --

>> ARE YOU SURE THERE'S ENOUGH

ROOM FOR THE LEG?

IT SEEMS A BIT SQUASHED OVER

THERE.

>> NO. WORRY NOT. I-IT'S FINE.

AND EVEN --

>> SO, HOW IS YOUR LEFT LEG

IN GENERAL?

>> WHAT? OH, IT STILL --

>> COME ON. LIFT UP YOUR PANT.

LET'S SEE THE LITTLE FELLA.

>> NO. IT SHAMES ME.

>> SHAMES? WHY?

YOU'RE THE UGLY ONE.

COME! UP WITH IT!

OH! LOOK AT HIM! HE'S ADORABLE!

HI, YOU! YOU WANT A DRINK?

SURE YOU DO!

A WINE FOR MY SEMITIC LITTLE

FRIEND HERE -- SOMETHING THAT

FOLLOWS THE ANCIENT HEBREW

LAWS, YOU SWINE!

L'CHAIM!

AH, I LOVE DRINKING DURING THE

DAY, DON'T YOU?

>> WHAT ELSE IS THERE?

>> [ Singsong voice ] NOT

TALKING TO YOU.

>> YES, OF COURSE.

>> ARE YOU GETTING TIRED?

>> I' GETTING A BIT FATIGUED.

>> WHO ASKED YOU?!

>> I JUST AM.

>> WELL, THEN, WHY DON'T YOU

JUST LEAVE?

QUITE FRANKLY, YOU'RE NOTHING

BUT A BIG, WORTHLESS THIRD

WHEEL.

>> THERE!

DON'T LET ME SPOIL THY FUN!

>> [ GURGLING ]

AAAAAAH!

LET'S KIBITZ!

[ UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS ]

>> * OOH, OOH, OOH, OOH

* LITTLE DAISIES

* OOH, OOH, OOH, OOH

>> YOU'RE IT.

>> NO, YOU'RE IT.

>> OH, DAMN IT!

OKAY, OKAY. I GIVE. I GIVE.

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

NOW WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?

>> LET'S PLAY "TRUTH OR DARE."

YOU FIRST.

>> UM...

DARE.

NO, NO! TRUTH, TRUTH!

NO, NO! DARE, DARE!

NO, TRUTH!

DARE. DARE.

NO, NO, NO!

TRUTH, TRUTH, TRUTH, TRUTH.

>> OKAY.

WHAT'S THE WORST THING YOU'VE

EVER PLANNED ON DOING?

>> WELL...

[ THUNDER CRASHES ]

LOOK, CAN'T YOU JUST FORGET

ABOUT ALL THAT?

>> FORGET? NEVER!

I HAVE TO DRAW THE LINE

SOMEWHERE!

>> THAT WAS THE OLD ME!

IT WAS JUST A PLAN!

>> I REJECT YOU -- YOU AND THAT

FAKAKTA MUSTACHE!

>> CHAPLIN HAD THIS FIRST!

OOH, HIS LITTLE TRAMP...

>> YOU'RE DEAD TO ME!

>> AAAAAAAH!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

ICH BIN EIN BERLINER!

>> UH, WHAT DID HE SAY?

>> Polidori: I THINK HE SAID

HE'S A DOUGHNUT.

>> Frankenstein: HE SURE IS!

>> NO, YOU ARE DOUGHNUT,

FRANKENSTEIN, FOR I HAVE DATE TO

TAKE YOUR WIFE ON ROMANTIC

HAYRIDE SOMETIME IN NEXT FEW

WEEKS, WHEN HAYRIDE PEOPLE HAVE

AN OPENING FOR US.

YOU DOUGHNUT!

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

[ CHITTERING ]

>> * LOOK AT YOU, STUCK IN THE

EARTH *

* IT'S NO WAY TO SPEND THE DAY

* YOU TRIED SO HARD, YOU

HAVEN'T HEARD *

* THERE'S NO WAY OUT OF THE

EARTH *

>> [ High-pitched ] YOU

DOUGHNUT!