Original subtitles

[ THUNDER CRASHES ]

>> [ SCREECHES ]

>> [ HOWLS ]

>> * BEYOND SPACE AND TIME

* STRANGER THAN THE SOUL

* IS THE WORLD

* DEEP INSIDE THE FRANKENHOLE

[ BOTH SCREAM ]

>> AAH!

>> * LEAVE ALL HOPE BEHIND

* GIVE UP ALL CONTROL

* TAKE MY HAND

* WE'RE GOING DOWN THE

FRANKENHOLE *

>> [ LAUGHS EVILLY ]

[ BATS CHITTERING ]

[ OMINOUS WAILING ]

>> [ GRUNTING OMINOUSLY ]

OW! OW! OW! OW!

[ DOORBELL RINGS ]

[ DOOR CREAKS ]

>> Polidori: OH, GOOD -- THE

DOORBELL WORKS.

>> STILL IMMORTAL, EH, POLIDORI?

>> Polidori: ALWAYS.

>> UGH.

[ THUNDER CRASHES ]

>> Frankenstein: YES, WHAT'S SO

DRAMATICALLY URGENT NOW, DEATH?

>> OH, NO, IT'S NOT DRAMATIC.

IT'S...

GRAVE!

THE TIME HAS COME.

>> Frankenstein: [ CHUCKLES ]

TIME, SIR?

I DRANK AN IMMORTALITY SERUM,

REMEMBER?

SO WHEN YOU SAY "THE TIME HAS

COME" TO ME, YOU MAY AS WELL BE

SPEAKING BACKWARDS JAPANESE IN

PIG LATIN.

>> Polidori: MM. WITH A STUTTER.

>> YES, BUT YOUR CHILDREN, THEY

DID NOT DRINK THE SERUM.

THEY MUST MOVE ON TO THE GREAT

BEYOND!

>> Frankenstein: OH, OF COURSE

THEY MUST.

THEY'RE AS OLD AS THE HILLS.

NOW, LOOK, I AM A VERY BUSY

MAN, S--

>> I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND.

THE NEXT CHANCE I GET, YOUR

OFFSPRING WILL BE GOING AWAY

WITH ME FOREVER!

>> Frankenstein: UH-HUH.

>> WHY DO YOU HATE ME?

>> Frankenstein: DON'T TAKE IT

PERSONALLY.

I DON'T LIKE ANYONE.

>> SO YOU DO HATE ME.

>> Frankenstein: I DON'T LIKE

ANYONE!

>> YOU DON'T GIVE ME THE RESPECT

I DESERVE.

>> Frankenstein: ALL RIGHT,

LOOK -- YOU'RE NOT A BAD GUY.

YOU'RE JUST A GOOF, OKAY?

>> A GOOF?

>> Frankenstein: YES, AN

IRRITATING GOOF.

>> NO ONE ELSE THINKS I'M A

GOOF.

>> Frankenstein: YES, THAT'S

BECAUSE THEY ARE BLINDED WITH

FEAR.

TIME HAS STOPPED FOR ME.

I GET TO SEE THE REAL YOU,

AND...

YOU'RE GOOFY.

>> HA! OKAY. THAT'S FANTASTIC.

YEAH.

PERFECT.

WE'LL SEE HOW GOOFY I AM WHEN

YOU REALIZE YOUR CHILDREN ARE

GONE FOR ALL ETERNITY!

I GUARANTEE THAT THAT WILL LEAVE

A MORBID IMPRESSION UPON YOUR

SOUL!

>> Frankenstein: DO YOU KNOW

WHAT WOULD REALLY IMPRESS ME?

GET RID OF THAT DRACULA GUY.

THAT DIRTY POLACK'S B.O. IS

GETTING ALL OVER MY BEDSHEETS.

>> NO!

DRACULA STAYS.

BUT YOUR CHILDREN COME WITH ME.

[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]

>> Polidori: IN ONE EAR AND OUT

THE OTHER WITH HIM.

>> [ LAUGHS MANIACALLY ]

SO, YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD GET

RID OF ME USING THAT DASTARDLY

VILLAIN DEATH!

BUT YOU ARE ONCE AGAIN FOILED,

FRANKENSTEIN!

[ LAUGHS MANIACALLY ]

[ CHITTERING MANIACALLY ]

>> Frankenstein: I'M SURROUNDED

BY DORKS.

[ THUNDER CRASHES ]

>> MOMMY, WE DON'T LIKE THE

CEMETERY.

>> IT'S HITTING A LITTLE TOO

CLOSE TO HOME RIGHT NOW.

>> Both: AAH! NOSFERATU!

>> THE SILENT VAMPIRE!

>> HE'S BALDER THAN DRACULA!

>> I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT.

THAT'S SCARIER.

>> SETTLE DOWN. I'LL HANDLE IT.

[ POP! ]

>> Both: [ Singsong voice ] HA

HA!

YOU CAN'T KILL OUR MOM!

SHE IS IMMORTAL!

* LA, LA, LA-LA, LA-LA, LA, LA

>> [ GROANS ]

>> Both: OH, NO! THE MUMMY!

>> SCARY AND FROM ANOTHER

CULTURE!

>> SCAT! SCAT!

>> [ GROWLS ]

[ BOTH WHIMPERING ]

>> [ SNAPS FINGERS ]

>> OH, DO CALM DOWN, YOU TWO.

>> COME.

BID FAREWELL TO EXISTENCE!

>> Both: MOMMY!

>> GEEZ.

>> BOYS, I'VE HAD JUST ABOUT

ENOUGH OF THIS.

>> BUT DEATH, MOM!

>> YEAH -- DEATH!

>> AREN'T YOU A LITTLE TOO OLD

FOR THIS?

>> NO, JUST RIGHT.

>> YEAH, PERFECT AGE TO WORRY

ABOUT DEATH, ACTUALLY.

>> ENOUGH.

ONE MORE OUTBURST, AND YOU'RE

REALLY IN TROUBLE.

[ WIND WHOOSHES ]

[ BOTH WHIMPER ]

>> BID --

>> Both: MO-O-O-MMY!

>> OH, COME ON!

>> OH, COME ON!

[ THUNDER CRASHES ]

>> Frankenstein: FORCEPS.

>> Polidori: REALLY, VICTOR, YOU

DO REALIZE THAT IF YOU ONLY MADE

LOVE TO ELIZABETH ONCE IN A

WHILE INSTEAD OF SURGICALLY

REMOVING THE SEMEN FROM YOUR

BODY WITHOUT ANESTHETIC, SHE

WOULDN'T BE CAVORTING WITH THAT

EURO-TRASH VAMPIRE.

>> Frankenstein: AND, PROFESSOR,

[GRUNTS] IF I WASN'T SO

DESPERATELY BORED BY ANY FORM OF

SEXUAL [GRUNTS] STIMULATION, I

WOULDN'T HAVE TO DREAM UP NEWER,

MORE [GRUNTS] INTERESTING WAYS

TO EMPTY MY SCROTUM!

[ GRUNTS ]

THERE!

TORCH.

[ TORCH HISSES ]

OOOOOOOOOOH!

OH, YEAH!

YGOR! FAG!

>> Ygor: [ Laughing ] YOU GOT

IT.

>> Polidori: SATISFIED?

>> Frankenstein: MOMENTARILY.

>> VICTOR!

>> Frankenstein: MOMENT'S UP!

>> THE BOYS ARE COMPLETELY

WEARING ME OUT.

I SIMPLY MUST GET SOME TIME AWAY

FROM THEM.

>> Polidori: PRAY, WHAT ARE THE

TWO GRANDBROTHERS UP TO NOW?

>> I'D LIKE TO DISCUSS THIS AND

OTHER FAMILY MATTERS PRIVATELY,

IF YOU PLEASE.

>> Polidori: [ SCOFFS ]

>> Frankenstein: FINE!

OVER DINNER, THEN.

I'M FAMISHED!

[ THUNDER CRASHES ]

ELIZABETH, YOU'RE SIMPLY GOING

TO HAVE TO QUIT SAVING THE BOYS

FROM DEATH.

IT'S THEIR TIME TO DIE, AND

THAT'S THAT!

[ CLANK! ]

>> CHILDREN, YOU'RE EXCUSED FROM

THE TABLE.

TIME FOR BED.

>> AW, GEEZ.

JUST WHEN IT WAS GETTING GOOD.

>> WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

IT WAS AWFUL.

>> OH, YEAH.

>> I DON'T LIKE TALKING THAT WAY

IN FRONT OF THEM.

IT'S UNCOMFORTABLE.

>> Frankenstein: EVERY MINUTE OF

THE DAY IS UNCOMFORTABLE WITH

THOSE BRATTY LITTLE GEEZERS.

>> DARLING, CAN'T WE GO ON A

ROMANTIC HOLIDAY ALONE TOGETHER?

>> Frankenstein: NO.

NOT UNTIL THE KIDS ARE DEAD.

>> OH, THAT'S NO FAIR!

IT'LL TAKE THE FUN RIGHT OUT OF

THE WHOLE TRIP.

>> Frankenstein: ARE YOU CRAZY?

WHAT COULD BE BETTER THAN YOUR

OWN CHILDREN DYING BEFORE YOU?

>> MAYBE EVERYONE DOESN'T FEEL

THAT WAY.

>> Frankenstein: EVERYONE'S AN

IDIOT!

>> I'M SORRY.

I'M JUST TRYING SO HARD TO BE

ALL MOTHERLY AND EVERYTHING.

>> Frankenstein: ELIZABETH,

SOMETIMES "MOTHERLY" IS LETTING

YOUR CHILDREN LEAVE THE NEST TO

PLUMMET TO THEIR DEATHS.

>> OF COURSE. YOU'RE RIGHT.

>> Frankenstein: NOW, I WON'T

HEAR ANY MORE OF THIS.

YOU NEED TO QUIT FOILING DEATH

AND LET OUR SONS DIE IN PEACE.

>> ALL RIGHT, DEAR.

>> Frankenstein: GOOD!

>> Both: DADDY! TUCK US IN!

>> Frankenstein: CERTAINLY NOT!

>> VICTOR, CAN'T YOU AT LEAST

TUCK THE BOYS IN ONE LAST TIME?

>> Frankenstein: LAST TIME?

>> OH, ALL RIGHT, FIRST AND

LAST.

>> Frankenstein: OH, I SUPPOSE

IT COULDN'T HURT.

THERE -- NOW YOU'RE...TUCKED.

SEE YA.

>> WAIT, DADDY! DON'T GO!

>> WE'RE AFWAID OF DEATH!

>> Frankenstein: LOOK, I DON'T

HAVE TIME FOR THIS.

GOOD NIGHT!

>> OH, YOU'RE SCARED OF HIM,

TOO, HUH?

>> YEP. DAD'S AFRAID.

>> Frankenstein: [ SCOFFS ]

AFRAID? OF THAT BUFFOON?

I'LL SHOW YOU AFRAID.

WHERE IS HE?

>> HE'S OUT THERE.

>> BY THE GIANT HOURGLASS.

>> OOH!

>> Frankenstein: [ SCOFFS ]

HOURGLASS. WHAT A HACK.

>> DADDY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

>> Frankenstein: I'M MOONING

DEATH.

>> NO! NOT THAT!

>> YOUR BUTT WILL BE MADDENING

TO HIM!

>> NO! DON'T WIGGLE IT, TOO!

>> Frankenstein: OH, YEAH, GET A

LOAD OF THIS, BOYS.

UP...AND AR-R-R-OUND!

WHOO-HOO-HOO!

>> OH, NO. NOT THAT. OH.

>> OH, I COULD KILL HIM!

>> Frankenstein: * GOOD

MORNING! *

>> MY, YOU'RE CERTAINLY CHIPPER.

>> Frankenstein: AND WHY NOT?

IT'S SUCH A BEAUTIFUL, CHILDLESS

DAY!

>> CHILDLESS? YOU MEAN --

>> Frankenstein: OH, AFTER THE

STUNT I PULLED ON DEATH LAST

NIGHT, I DOUBT THE BOYS EVEN GOT

TO THEIR FIRST CYCLE OF REM

SLEEP.

>> OH, DARLING! THAT'S --

>> Both: MORNING, MOMMY.

MORNING, DADDY.

WE'RE HUNGRY.

[ THUD! ]

>> Polidori: FINISH SHOOTING OFF

YOUR TESTICLES YET?

>> Frankenstein: YES.

DID YOU SEND FOR HIM?

>> Polidori: HE'S WAITING

OUTSIDE.

>> Frankenstein: WELL, BRING HIM

IN.

>> WHAT?!

>> Frankenstein: DON'T "WHAT" ME

WHEN I SHOULD BE "WHY"ing YOU

ABOUT NOT TAKING MY KIDS AWAY.

>> SO, YOU REALLY DON'T CARE IF

THEY DIE, DO YOU?

>> Frankenstein: OF COURSE I

CARE!

I NEED THEM DEAD YESTERDAY!

>> HUH.

>> Frankenstein: ALL RIGHT, I'LL

PLAY ALONG.

OH, PLEASE!

DON'T TAKE MY CHILDREN AWAY FROM

ME, DEATH!

PLEASE!

[ LAUGHS ]

>> DON'T WORRY. I WON'T.

>> Frankenstein: WHAT?

>> NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS TO

THEM, I WILL NEVER TAKE THEM!

>> Frankenstein: WAIT!

N-NO, NO, NO!

>> AWAY!

[ LAUGHS ]

>> Frankenstein: NO, NO!

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT! NO, WAIT!

[ COUGHING ]

HE COULDN'T HAVE MEANT THAT.

NEVER KILLING THEM?

>> Polidori: A FATE WORSE THAN

DEATH.

>> DADDY, CAN I SAY GRACE?

>> NO, I WANT TO.

>> Frankenstein: SINCE WHEN DO

WE SAY GRACE IN THIS HOUSEHOLD?

>> WELL, SINCE DEATH STARTED

COMING AROUND, WE JOINED A

CHURCH.

>> YEAH, OUR LADY OF FEETS DON'T

FAIL ME NOW.

>> OH, LET THEM, DEAR.

IT MAKES THEM FEEL OH SO MUCH

BETTER.

>> Frankenstein: ALL RIGHT.

HEINRICH...YOU MAY...SAY GRACE.

>> JERK.

>> [ CLEARS THROAT ]

DEAR, G-G-G-G-GOD.

WE'RE SO SC-SC-SC-SC-SCARED.

PLE-PLE-PLE--

OW!

>> OW AGAIN!

>> THAT'S NEW.

>> Both: MOMMY! DADDY!

>> WE'VE GOT SOME FRESH PAIN IN

OUR BACK.

>> AND OUR THROAT.

>> OH, POOR DARLINGS.

MAYBE IT'S SERIOUS.

[ GIGGLES ]

>> Frankenstein: I'M GOING FOR A

WALK.

OKAY, I'M SORRY I MOONED YOU,

ALL RIGHT?

>> MM-HMM.

I DON'T BELIEVE YOU BELIEVE

YOU'RE SORRY.

>> Frankenstein: OF COURSE I'M

SORRY!

I'M SORRY THAT MY CHILDREN ARE

STILL ALIVE!

>> JUST BECAUSE YOU MADE AN

IMMORTALITY SERUM, YOU THINK

YOU'RE HOT STUFF.

WELL, YOU'RE NOT.

>> Frankenstein: WHAT DO YOU

WANT FROM ME?

>> YOUR RESPECT.

>> Frankenstein: THAT'S NOT

FAIR!

I DON'T RESPECT ANYONE!

>> [ SLURPS ]

>> Frankenstein: I'LL HAVE TO

MULL IT OVER A BIT.

>> FINE.

IN THE MEANTIME, DON'T SAY

"GOODBYE" TO YOUR KIDS!

>> Frankenstein: YEAH, YEAH.

>> [ MEOWS ]

>> OH, NICE KITTY.

NINE...

>> [ YOWLS ]

>> OH, HI AGAIN.

EIGHT...

>> [ YOWLS ]

>> [ GIGGLES ]

OH, HI.

>> [ YOWLS ]

>> SEVEN...

[ THUNDER CRASHES ]

>> I HAD MOTHER TERESA PUT THE

CHILDREN TO BED.

FINGERS CROSSED!

>> Frankenstein: UM...

DEATH IS KIND OF MAD AT ME RIGHT

NOW.

>> HO MAD?

>> Frankenstein: MAD ENOUGH TO

SEE TO IT THAT OUR CHILDREN WILL

CONTINUE TO --

>> NO! DON'T SAY THAT WORD!

>> Frankenstein: ...LIVE.

>> NO!

OH, GOD! WHY THEM?!

>> Frankenstein: I DON'T KNOW!

>> YOU NEVER WANTED TO GO AWAY

WITH ME, DID YOU?

>> Frankenstein: NO, I DIDN'T.

BUT I STILL WANT THEM DEAD.

>> YOU SABOTAGED THIS!

WELL, I'M GOING ON ROMANTIC

HOLIDAY WITH DRACULA!

SO I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY.

>> Frankenstein: W-WHAT?

YOU CAN'T GO!

W-W-WHO'S GOING TO WATCH THE

KIDS?!

UH...

OH!

[ CHUCKLES ]

>> [ SIGHS DEEPLY ]

AND LITTLE WED WIDINGHOOD ATE

THE YUMMY, YUMMY PORRIDGE, WHICH

WAS MADE OUT OF A GOLDEN EGG...

>> N-N-N-N-NO MORE STORIES!

>> YOU'RE MIXING UP THE STORIES.

GOLDILOCKS ATE THE PORRIDGE,

NOT LITTLE --

>> DON'T MAKE HIM MAD!

JUST -- JUST JUMP TO THE END.

>> OH, NO! NOT THE END!

>> OH!

>> ...IN HER EGG-SHELLED COFFIN

AND WAS KISSED AWAKE BY THE

SLEEPING PRINCE.