Original subtitles

♪ My life on the streets ♪

♪ Time out of beat ♪

♪ You know it ain't so easy ♪

♪ Running around on these cold hard days and sold out nights ♪

♪ If I could get it back again ♪

♪ Without going crazy ♪

♪ Forget about the time when I was smashed and incomplete ♪

♪ Life sometimes sucks ♪

♪ Win, lose or bust ♪

♪ Bring down the barriers ♪

♪ When life's on the rocks ♪

♪ Life on the rocks ♪

- Yeah, I got issues.

I mean, who doesn't have issues?

Everybody's got issues, you know?

Well, life's not comfortable,

it's not boring.

You know, 'cause when you're on the streets

you never know what you'll find around a corner,

what you'll find in a bin.

You can make a left, you can make a right,

and it makes no difference, you know?

And...

You know...

But, well, you know, I'm not scared of anything.

Nothing scares me at all.

But don't think I haven't lived,

'cause I've lived.

I mean, lately on beans and juice,

molly and junk,

fent and blow,

you know, they uh...

They all, uh...

They all bring me places.

And zanny? Well, zanny brings me home.

Probably shouldn't have eaten that dumpster burrito.

- So are you gonna say something?

- What? I gotta say something?

- Well, it's a big bust.

It's the cherry on top of your career.

- Yeah, sure.

but they don't even have a conviction yet.

C'mon, they don't even have a trial date.

- Yeah, but they have all the evidence,

it's a slam dunk.

Everybody's gonna take credit

so I think you should be at least prepared to say something.

- Okay,

how about all you paper pushers get off the dais.

Fuck you very much.

- Hey, buddy.

You can't be lying here.

You need to go to the hospital? Huh?

- What did you take, huh?

Let's get him up.

- Should we take him in?

- What for? Let's just get him out of here.

- I think I have the shits.

- There's a bar here with a restroom.

Can you make it in there? - I gotta stay with my stuff.

- Nobody's gonna take your stuff, come on.

There's a restroom in there, go.

- All right.

- I need a shower.

- Can I order another?

- Absolutely, just keep drinking.

- Ahem.

- Hey, where's your company?

- I'm not expecting any.

You want some? I'm off in an hour.

- Not really.

- How about some fries with that burger? It's on me.

- What exactly do you think that order of fries

entitles you to?

- Hey watch the place for me, I'll be back in an hour.

- Four more vodkas please?

- Hey, come back tomorrow.

My pick up lines will be a whole lot better.

- Hey, Kasha, take Blueberry,

I want to try Blueberry.

- I have other ones.

Here, try these ones.

They might be nicer.

♪ On the day that I almost lost my mind ♪

- Now this is Blueberry.

Bottoms up, woo!

- So, what do you say?

♪ I've been drunk all my life ♪

♪ I was buried alive ♪

♪ I've been so blind ♪

♪ I was tempted by fate and I'm bent till I break ♪

- This looks like it should hold a shower curtain

- For Christs sake, they're napkin rings

not the wedding cake, but catering needs a decision.

♪ When I go ♪

♪ I'm never coming back ♪

♪ When I go ♪

♪ I'm never coming back ♪

♪ When I go ♪

♪ I'm never coming back ♪

♪ When I go ♪

♪ I'm never coming back ♪

- Hey, fella,

where are you going?

- Can I use your restroom?

- No. - I won't mess it up.

- No, restroom's for customers only

- Jack me.

I'll be right back.

You know, this is a nice establishment.

No, no, no, no, they're fucking with you.

I should piss on the floor.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, that's crazy,

and don't steal the towels.

Why not?

Anyway, should I do, huh?

It's that last little bit.

No, I'm not giving you permission to be an asshole.

I gotta get back to the stuff, $0.5 a can,

$O.10 cents bottle, $1 on the round.

- Oh jeez, no.

Hey! No, no, no, no.

Buddy, the restroom's out of order.

- That's okay, Jack.

Treat up.

- Look, I prefer you have your drink someplace else.

- I'm paying.

- I don't care, go someplace else.

You stink, and you're bothering my customers.

- I'm not bothering anybody.

- You're bothering me.

You should get a job,

take a bath, clean up your act.

- You know, I would like a job,

except I don't know much about anything.

Except my liquor, I know my liquor.

- Yeah, I bet you do. - Yeah, like you should keep

your Patrons with your Patrons, you know

Silver, Reposado, Aneho.

And where's the Don Julio? I don't see Don anywhere.

- You don't go, I'm gonna call the cops.

- Call them.

What are you gonna do?

You'll tell them you're not gonna serve

someone that looks like this and knows their liquor?

And who the helL drinks, bubblegum and peanut butter

and jelly vodka?

- I'm calling

Calling.

- It's like a sit-in.

♪ Deep in my heart ♪

♪ I believe that we shall overcome ♪

♪ Amen ♪

- Okay, okay, listen. Ssh!

Just one.

- Well, I swear they like living on the streets,

they just bask out there in the sun getting high all day.

- What are they using?

They're totally using.

- They showed up in porta-potties.

- They're alcoholics

- And they don't want to stay in shelters.

- Lots of them are mentally ill or illegals.

- You can't even walk

into a public bathroom these days.

- They can't be here, and you can't tell them that.

- You know we didn't reorder as much as we did last month.

- It's been slow, holidays maybe.

I can add a couple of specials on some foo-foo drinks,

if you'd like.

- I don't know, maybe.

- Oh jeez.

- What, you know this guy?

- Just some homeless dude.

- Some homeless dude is on our living,

homeless people come in and use my bathroom now.

- I didn't invite him,

he just has a drink here every once in a while.

- Still, is he stealing stuff?

You don't know what he's doing right there, right?

Grabbing soap, paper towels.

- No, I checked. Nothing seems out of place.

- Yeah, but you don't know if he's in there

washing his underwear.

- Well, no.

- Christ, he could be shooting up, jerking off.

- I don't know.

- Yeah, you don't know.

How often does he come in?

- He used to come quite often, not so much anymore.

- I just think it's nuts

letting a guy like that even come in here.

Get rid of him.

- How?

- How? What do I care how?

Tell him adios, arrivederci,

you could use the word, leave.

I don't care, just get rid of him.

- Hey buddy, same.

- You get over there and kick the bum out, go.

Jesus Christ.

- Speed, we're not serving you anymore.

- If you're running low on Jack,

Johnny's fine, I'll take Johnny.

- It's not the type of whiskey we're not serving,

it's you, we're not serving you anymore.

- Is that the boss?

- I'm the boss.

- You're fucking with me, come on.

- I'm gonna be fucking with you if you don't leave.

- Is that what you want?

- Yeah, that's what I want.

- Positive?

- I'm positive.

- Is it that positive, yes-

- Stop fucking with me, Speed.

- Just one pour, one pour and I'll go.

- I'm not gonna give you one pour

'cause you're just gonna sit there

and stare at the glass for an hour.

- Sometimes you gotta treat a whiskey

like a beautiful woman, you know?

You gotta stare at it a little bit,

romance it a little bit because,

you know, I didn't say that, somebody else said it.

- Hey, how are you doing?

I'm Murray Adler, I own this place.

- Speed, they call me Speed.

- So Buddy tells me you're a pretty frequent customer.

- I suppose I am.

- Yeah? Any reason why you choose my place?

- It's on my way home.

- And where's home?

- 5th Street.

- 5th Street, under the bridge, 10 City?

- You know there's another bar,

that's even closer to where you're living.

- I like your place.

- And I appreciate that.

- Although your clientele could use a little cultivating.

- The client could use...

Are you listening to this asshole?

- So what do you mean

my clientele could use some cultivating?

- Nothing, nothing.

I'll just have my... I'll have my drink.

- He's not gonna pour you a drink.

Okay, listen to me, I'm not gonna coddle you

like my bartender, okay?

I want you to leave, and I want you to leave now.

I think I'm being a nice guy.

I'm asking nice, I think I'm being very polite,

but if you don't leave I'm gonna have to call the cops.

- There's not a good reason not to serve me.

- I don't need a reason, okay?

Come on, let's...

- Okay, I know this is not my business, it's your place.

I get it,

It's just... It's bartender 101, okay?

You just need a little bit of order here.

You know, you put your Bourbons with your Bourbons,

and your scotch with your scotch,

and your ryes with your ryes.

You know, you don't want people having to navigate

through a maze of bottles just to find a drink,

and your limes, are full of brown edges.

I mean, these weren't cut today,

it's old, and people are gonna know

that you use old product and it doesn't look good.

And some snacks, you know? Some salty stuff.

Just get some chips and some pretzels,

salty stuff is cheap, it makes people thirsty.

And a little bit of entertainment,

just a little bit of guitar, a little bit of piano.

- Okay.

Can you just take it easy, all right? For a second.

- It'd be great.

I used to be a bartender.

- What'd you do? Drink the inventory?

- No, I didn't drink the inventory.

I got out of the army,

I got a job, I got married,

I lost my job, I got divorced.

- Oh, I feel for you.

- And I had friends, I had drinking friends,

until drinking became my only friend.

- So, why do you keep coming back here, right?

Just like you said, you don't even like

the way I run the place, right?

I mean, you could do far more with your money

at any liquor store.

- You collect cans for Christ's sake.

- You don't know how much money I have,

I got plenty of money.

Enough for a drink,

it's not enough for tip. - I don't want your tip.

- You wanna know why I don't tip?

- I don't care.

- It's 'cause he waters down the booze.

I know the taste of water

as well as I know the taste of Jack,

and I know when I'm drinking watered down booze.

- So why do you keep coming back here?

- I used to drink, a lot,

but ever since coming here

and drinking Buddy's watered down booze,

it's been a little like rehab.

And I think in just a little bit, a little bit, just a week,

I'll have it, I'll be dry.

- Why don't you just go home and water down your own liquor?

Who comes to a bar to get sober?

That's just crazy.

- Out there, when I drink

I'm just a homeless guy getting drunk.

Here, when I saddle up to the bar,

when I saddle up to your bar, it's...

I'm somebody, here I'm somebody.

- Nope, still just a homeless dude,

and you stink.

And that's why you gotta go.

- You wanna know why else I like coming here?

It's 'cause here I can look across the bar

and look down at somebody else.

You know, I might be living on the street,

but at least I'm not a thief, okay?

- Hey, back off!

- I don't have to listen to this shit.

- Get outta here.

Jesus! Are you all right?

I'm sorry that you feel

Buddy's watering down your drinks, okay?

I have to think of my bottom line,

it's just business, right pal?

- Just one more. One more and I'll go.

- One more.

- For you, sir.

I have appreciated your hospitality.

♪ Lord lift me up ♪

♪ I've stayed far enough ♪

♪ Gather my soul with love ♪

♪ Make me whole ♪

♪ Lord lift me up ♪

♪ Deliver me from my past ♪

♪ Grant me freedom ♪

♪ Freedom at last ♪

- I don't even want you stepping near my place.

Because I don't need a bum like you

ruining my business, how's that?

Are you kidding me?

Can you believe this guy?

- Some people.

- Jesus!

- You never know what you're gonna find

when you turn a corner.

Look at me, all cleaned up.

I'm a man reborn, who now pours drinks

for the financially solvent, privileged people.

Doesn't get much more obladi-oblada than that.

And behind this bar,

you look like a priest, you know?

I'll listen to your woes

and dole out 80 proof indulgences.

Or you can act a fool,

sorta like I'm in a confession.

I hear all, my lips are sealed,

and I don't make any judgments, no judgments,

unless I'm asked.

- You voted for an asshole

- So you can ask.

Hey, you guys need some nuts?

Nobody likes to be alone.

I mean, some people say that it's an opportunity

to find themselves, but...

That's bullshit

If somebody tells you that they like to be alone,

it's more than likely that nobody likes them,

or just as likely that they don't like you,

because nobody likes to be alone.

- Yeah.

And, I'd love you to see it.

I need to go talk to a colleague,

can you just give me one second?

I'll be right back.

- Fine. - I'll be right back for you.

- You better be.

- Didi.

- Oh, hi Milo.

- How have you been?

- Good.

- Oh, with the way the market is, I guess good's good.

- Well, maybe just okay.

- Okay. Okay is good.

- So let's catch up.

- Catch up?

- Gin tonic?

- I'm buying.

- No, not right now.

- Wasn't your hair longer before?

- Yeah, I cut it two weeks ago.

- Well, it's great,

and you've lost weight.

- I wish.

- Well, you look great,

and you're doing well for yourself.

- How's that?

- I see you driving the new Mercedes.

- Hey, you know anyone that wants to take over a lease?

- So anything new on the market,

or anything I should know about?

- Not really.

- You need listings, Dina.

Buyers, sellers, you need to advertise.

To make money you gotta spend money.

- To spend money, you have to have money.

But I've got a new flyer coming out.

- Okay.

Very old school.

You need a polished website, link in, network,

but paper still has its place.

Four-fold raise type.

Nice, huh?

- Hmm.

Expensive.

- Keep it. It's a new pocket listing

on a $5 mil remodel in Mulholland.

This place, top of the grade; Pool, view,

five bedrooms, wine cellar, even a theater.

It's pricey to sell, but, you never know.

Look, if I don't have a buyer in a couple of days,

would do you wanna sit by Mulholland?

You'll pick up buyers, high rollers.

- Sure, absolutely.

- See, I don't wanna be dealing with a lot of grazers

in the office, you know?

Just you.

Are we good?

- Yeah.

- I wanna be friends, Didi.

Maybe we could, uh...

go out sometime.

- Yeah, sure.

- So, about the Mulholland, I'm doing you one,

I need you to do me one.

- One what?

- I need a favor.

- Look, if there's anything that I can do-

- I need to borrow your car for a couple hours.

- My car?

- Just for a couple of hours.

Didi, I'm doing you one.

And if you bring me a buyer on the Mulholland, hey,

it's real money.

Come on, please.

- What happened to your car?

- I don't have it tonight.

Look, do me one, please.

You're a sweetheart, thank you.

Look, Saturday, you and I go

for a ride in the Porsche, yeah?

- You're gonna have your sports car

fixed up by this weekend?

- Fixed up?

Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

it's not in the shop, it's at home.

- Then, why don't you just drive home and switch cars?

- Because... Evie's home.

You remember Evie?

- Evie?

Nope, I don't know Evie.

- Yeah, you do. You met her at the, uh...

What's that place?

No, maybe you weren't there.

Anyway, I told her, you know,

I needed to go furniture shopping,

and she told me to take the minivan.

It's my fuck up.

- Evie's your girlfriend?

- Yeah, we're sort of engaged

- Engaged.

Look Milo, I've got a huge deductible.

- Don't worry about your car,

nothing's gonna happen to your car, okay?

Look, have a few drinks on me.

- I don't drink.

Who's your client?

- I'll show it to her, and be right back.

Hey, you're a gem.

- This place white bear's skin rug,

with picture perfect views of the Pacific Ocean

- The world's full of bastards, isn't it?

- What?

- I asked if you'd like anything else?

- Nothing. - Nothing?

I can roll the clock on back to happy for you.

Happy hour?

- All right, rum and coke.

- A lemy.

- No, just make it a Coke.

- Just a Coke.

- Yeah, I can drink, or not drink.

- No, it's okay.

It's just, I've never seen you order any alcohol

and I figured you're either a Mormon or a Muslim

without the head thing.

- Well, both my parents were alcoholics,

so I don't drink.

I don't like the genetic risk factors.

- Genetics, that's the excuse.

It's just that everybody's got a vice,

you know, everybody's addicted to something, you know?

Whether it's drinking, smoking, overeating, drugs.

I figure you pick one vice and enjoy,

because believe you me, if you pound down one vice,

another one pops back up in its place.

So if you'd like a drink, you should have a drink.

- Okay, Screwdriver.

- Screwdriver coming up!

- No, just make it a Virgin, just OJ.

- All right.

You know, I hate to lose a good customer,

but a wise man once told me that coming and sitting at a bar

when you're trying to stay sober

is not the smartest of things.

- I'm waiting for somebody to come back with my car.

- Give me vodka.

No, vodka.

♪ My love is a storm ♪

♪ She doesn't wait for me ♪

♪ And now that she's gone ♪

♪ I feel that she'll never be ♪

What are you drinking?

- Orange juice.

- Screwdriver?

- No, it's just orange juice.

♪ Orange juice, oh nice ♪

♪ Tu du du ♪

♪ Orange juice is nice ♪

♪ Tu du du du du ♪

♪ Orange juice, oh nice ♪

- Old commercial, huh?

My name is Viktor.

- I'm not much in the mood for socializing tonight.

- Oh, do I look like I came here for a hookup?

I'm being friendly.

- I'm sorry, I'm Dina.

- Where are you from, Dina?

- Here.

- But, where do you come from?

- Covina, I was born in Covina.

- Okay, but your family, where does it come from?

- They moved to Covina from West Covina.

- Okay, um, long, long, long time ago, your family,

they were Indians?

Or were they immigrants?

- Where do they come from?

I was told that my great, maybe, great, great grandfather,

came from the Ukraine.

- Ukraine, I knew it. We're compatriots.

- Are we? Where are you from?

- Are you ICE?

- What?

- Immigration?

- No.

- You have to tell me if you are, you know?

- I'm not.

- So you're not ICE, no police, state, or

- Definitely not...

- Look at you, mutilating my language.

- Oh my God, I'm so sorry.

- You hashtag, killed it.

- Are you a Russian?

- Ah, you know.

What do you do, Dina?

- Me? I sell real estate, I'm a realtor.

- That's cool, I like real estate.

You put a picture on the wall, a bed in the bedroom,

a woman on the bed,

it's called home.

I had a lot of houses.

Hey, bring one more orange juice

for my friend from Ukraine.

I'm a salesman too.

- Hmm.

- I sell favors

- Like party favors?

- Like, I make you a favor and you pay for it.

If it's a party you want, I can give you a party.

You want a party?

- No, no.

I don't need a party.

- What do you need, Dina?

- Nothing?

Well, buyers, I need buyers.

- Buyers.

- Yeah, you know, for real estate? Buyers for houses.

- I know buyers. What do you have?

- Well, right now, I don't really have...

Yes, I do! I have a new listing on Mulholland.

But it's expensive, $5 million.

- That's not expensive.

- It's not?

No, it's not, and it's a bargain.

- This house of yours, does it have a bowling alley?

- No.

- I like to bowl, my friends like to bowl.

- Maybe you could put a bowling alley in?

The place has a wine cellar.

- Yeah, I like wine.

- And a movie theater.

- Oh, I like The Rock.

- Who doesn't?

- The gentlemen, he calls himself Dwayne now.

It's his name, but I like him.

Okay, tomorrow.

You're gonna call me, I'm gonna bring my friends.

We're going to be your buyers.

- That'd be great.

- See? I just did you a favor.

It would be nice if you did one for me too.

- Oh boy, another favor.

Somebody already has my car.

- Why would I need your car?

- I don't know.

- Dina,

you are a woman that comes to a bar and drinks orange juice,

you don't care what people think.

You don't drink, you stay sharp, you make deals.

- Yeah, that's me.

- So half an hour ago, my friend tells me

that he had seen Kasha,

my beautiful, little Kasha,

leave this place with a man.

- Hm-hmm.

- You would have noticed her.

- Well, I've just been sitting here working.

- Yes, but you would have noticed her.

She is...

- I don't notice those things.

- No, of course not, of course not,

but she doesn't blend in, you would have noticed her.

So have you seen this man that she walked with?

- Jeez.

- Talk to me, my compatriot.

- Viktor, I don't wanna get anybody in any kind of trouble.

Maybe they just went to see a movie.

- There is no Dwayne playing.

- Or bowling?

- She doesn't have any balls.

You have friends and you have enemies, no one in between.

Are you my friend?

- I'd like to be.

- Of course, who wouldn't wanna be my friend?

- Viktor, I just... I don't wanna see anybody get, killed.

- Killed?

Is that what you think of me, that I'm a killer?

I don't kill people.

I'm like a teacher.

I teach them lessons.

- Yeah, but...

- Oh, that's for my protection.

Second amendment, I like the first one even better;

No search without a warrant.

But if you want my promise,

this is my promise to you.

What is this?

- My new listing.

- I know, tomorrow.

- Viktor, go, go right now,

and check out this listing.

Picture yourself on a white, bear skin rug

with picture perfect views of the Pacific Ocean.

I think you'll find what you like there.

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Nobody falls halfway ♪

♪ Nobody falls halfway ♪

♪ When it comes to love ♪

♪ You have no say ♪

♪ Nobody falls halfway ♪

♪ Nobody falls halfway ♪

♪ When it comes to love ♪

♪ You have no say ♪

Screwdriver.

- You know, for some events in life,

it's the right place at the right time.

Others, wrong place, wrong time,

and sometimes they're the same place, same time.

- I just got a new client.

- Yeah? What do you do?

- I do people favors.

- Hi.

Hi, hi.

I'm looking for a Nate Vigil, old guy suit and tie.

- I think he's in the restroom.

- Thank you.

Nate, Nate Vigil?

- Do I know you?

District Attorney's office.

- The B'nai Simpson case, it goes to grand jury next week.

I'm handling it.

- Well, you're awfully young to be an ADA.

- Well, you're awfully old to be a cop.

I went to the evidence locker today.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

- Okay?

- And there's $20,000 missing.

- Bullshit,

- You're surprised.

- Yeah, I'm surprised.

- Well?

- Well, what?

Do you think I took the money?

- You signed for it.

- I didn't take any money.

- Well, okay. It's not my job,

but the detectives will be looking into it

when I bring it up tomorrow.

- Oh, and why are you telling me this?

- You may not remember, but you caught

a skinny, fouled mouthed teenager,

with a bunch of stolen credit cards,

and you gave me a second chance.

- No, that doesn't sound like me.

- Yeah, it was you.

- You tossed every, fuck you, I gave you,

with a, fuck you right back.

- That sounds like me.

- I got my act together.

I went to college, law school, and here I am.

- Yeah, well, I'm a big fan of affirmative action.

- Look, I'm here because I owed you one.

So I suppose if the money was there in the morning,

I wouldn't know it was missing.

- I didn't take any money.

- It's not my problem.

- What am I supposed to do?

- You're a detective, figure it out.

- Fuck me.

- I'm not an athlete, never had been,

but when I was in high school

my dad had me go out for boxing classes.

He though it would make a man out of me.

So, I took the classes,

and I got the hell beat out of me.

I got my nose broke, I got knocked out, numerous times,

lost on decisions,

for all intents and purposes, I was a loser.

And I can't tell you how many times

I was in my corner, that I didn't wanna get out.

There was no way I was gonna beat the other guy,

and I was hurting.

So my father, he would, uh,

he would shove me out there.

If you're still standing, he said, you got a chance.

Might've been the only thing he was ever right about.

- Of course, we can do the salmon, Frankie. It's fine.

No, I just think our guest would prefer

the grilled miso, instead of the mustard tail.

Yeah.

Oh, we are so simpatico right now.

I love you.

I love you more.

I love you, infinity.

I gotta go.

- You've seen my specs?

Oh shit.

- I'm sorry.

- Goddammit Davy, this is the second pair

that you've fucked up for me.

- I know, I'm sorry. I'll buy you another pair.

- You're goddamn right you will.

What's the matter with you?

What, are you preoccupied about what?

- Wedding plans.

- Oh, wedding, right.

Expensive, I bet, huh?

- Not really. No, just... We're keeping it intimate.

- Come on, Davy.

- All right, it's a couple of hundred people.

- But Frankie's family's paying for most of this.

What's the matter?

- I got some issues down at the station, that's all.

Things I gotta figure out.

- Like what?

- Just things, all right? Just things.

- All right.

- Oh, goddammit, the cold.

- Are you gonna go to the dentist?

- Eventually.

Maybe.

No. No, I'm not gonna pay thousands for implants.

Remember, flossing will do.

- Sure, floss, that outta take care of it.

- 342, 342, respond code 275.

Assault, domestic, 4271 Pepperwood Drive, Mulholland,

witness called 911.

- That's us?

- Sit.

Wait.

- Suspect described as white male,

six foot, early 30s, wearing a red leather jacket.

- 344, cancel 343, we're en route to handle it.

- It's Fraser.

- Yeah.

343, roger, canceling run, 10-8.

I knew Fraser would take it, Fraser is a zelon.

- But we were closer.

- I don't like to go on domestics,

you can put yourself in the crap bath in six months

after I've retired, and at home on the couch.

But right now, no domestics.

- Ready to eat?

- Yeah.

Just get the patty melt.

You like the patty melt?

- Yeah, yeah, patty melt.

- Two patty melts, fries, extra crispy,

but put them on a paper towel to soak up

as much of the grease as possible.

- You got it.

- Thank you.

The arthritis meds?

- No, I ran out of those,

this is for the ulcers that my arthritis meds caused,

and for the other shit that happened.

Did you sign up for that 401k we talked about?

- Yeah.

- Did you make that startup contribution like we said?

Yeah.

- Well, how could you afford that, with the wedding?

- It was just a couple of hundred bucks.

- That's all you put in?

- I know, I know, you said make the full contribution

but I know social security is not gonna be there

when I retire, and I can't afford it right now, okay?

The wedding is in two weeks.

- Oh yeah, the wedding, you're gonna go through with it.

- What does that mean?

- Nothing.

- Oh my God,

you've never been in love, have you?

- Hey, I'm not talking love with you, Davy, all right?

What if you change your mind?

- I'm not gonna change my mind.

- You could.

- I know the way you think.

Isn't you who said if you don't make any commitments

then you can never be disappointed?

- Uh-hum.

- Yeah. Well, I'm gonna have someone

to spend Saturday nights with for the rest of my life.

- Hey, I don't spend Saturday nights alone, lover boy.

- So, are you coming?

- I don't think I can make it, weddings are not my thing.

But I'll get you a gift.

- You don't have to give me a gift.

- No, I'll get you a gift. - Just don't get...

Do you wanna see the ring?

- The ring? You bought a ring?

- Of course I bought a ring, I'm not a savage.

- Wow, how much did that cost?

- Why are you so interested

in the way I spend my money all of a sudden?

- Money makes people make stupid fucking decisions, is all.

Like buying rings they can't afford.

- I got a deal.

- Yeah? It looks expensive.

- Man, a two carat diamond like this, costs upward of...

- I know what rings like that cost.

You stole $20,000 out of the evidence locker

to buy a goddamn wedding ring.

I knew it.

I knew it.

I so wanted you not to be a crook, Davy?

What the fuck were you thinking?

Buying a goddam faggot wedding ring.

- That kind of language is reportable.

- You think?

- I think you need to take that sensitivity class, Nate.

- You know, they gave me the job of showing you the ropes

because they thought a hard ass like me

could whip your little ass into giving up.

But I'm a professional, I do my job,

and I don't give a fuck if you're wearing fishnet underwear.

All I give a fuck is if you do the job right,

but I can't do anything about this.

You're gonna go down for this, Davy.

- I didn't take the money.

- Well then, how did you afford a ring like that?

- It was $300.

- A two carat diamond?

- It's zirconium, all right?

The guy told me no one but a jeweler

would be able to tell the difference, because it works.

- Hey, I think that's the guy we just got to call on.

- What?

- That Caucasian, 30 something, red jacket, six foot.

- No, he doesn't look that tall, red jacket?

- Red jacket.

Step out, get behind him, we'll see.

No, no, no, don't get too close, now Davy.

Gun, gun!

- Holy shit.

- But I'm a professional, I do my job.

And I don't give a fuck if you're wearing fishnet underwear,

all I give a fuck is if you do the job right.

But I can't do anything about this,

you're gonna go down for this, Davy.

- God, did he get into an accident?

- It was a collision, his head against the hood.

- Only a jeweler would be able to tell the difference.

- But he's gonna fix it, I'm sure of it.

- He doesn't look that tall, red jacket?

- Red jacket.

Step out, and get behind him.

- Still drinking your orange juice?

- I put a little vodka.

You know your boyfriend was really worried about you.

- Ew, he is not my boyfriend.

- She's my niece

- And he can be a pain.

- You are too much, very sexy, Kasha.

Why don't you take a video?

I want you to meet my beautiful

- Hey, you back there.

Get out of the way, thanks.

- You know what, take it on my phone.

- Gun, gun!

Jesus!

- What the hell?

- Oh shit, I thought he was going for a gun.

- A cell phone, but you were right,

he was good for that domestic,

he got a boatload of warrants too.

- But no gun

- No gun.

- And next time you read somebody their rights,

could you man it up a little bit please?

- Huh?

- Oh, you have the right to remain silent,

I mean, could you gay it up more than that, huh?

- You know, it's a good thing I broke your glasses earlier,

'cause if you could see there might've been more damage.

- Well, IAD's gonna come here

and they're gonna try to fuck me out of my pension,

I'm telling you that right now.

And you're still in deep Davy, right?

You put these on.

- Come on, Nate.

Look I didn't steal anything, I borrowed it.

I promise you-

- Put these on!

- It'll be back in there after the wedding.

- Put them on, I'm tired of taking shit for you.

You're all snickering behind my back,

they thought that I was like you,

but I treated you right, didn't I?

I did my job.

What's gonna be my legacy now?

A goddamn busted shooting and a crooked partner.

- Two weeks, I promise it will be back in the box.

My wedding gift is a loan, it will cover it.

- The grand jury date is tomorrow,

it's gotta be back tomorrow.

- Why the hell so soon?

- I don't know,

I don't question what the DA's office is doing.

But one thing I know for sure, you're going to jail

if it's not back there tomorrow morning.

- I can apologize.

- Apologize? What, are you stupid? You idiot.

You got $20,000 in small bills you can put in there tonight?

- No.

- Bills with cocaine sprinkled on them, huh?

Because you know they can test for that.

- Officers?

- What did you do with the money, Davy?

What, you spent on that faggot, gay wedding?

- No.

- Well, what then, the ring?

- I told you, it's zirconium.

- Then what? What did you do with the $20,000?

- It's supposed to be a surprise.

- Surprise?

- I bought you teeth.

- Me? Teeth?

- Yeah, a retirement present, and fucking expensive too.

Implants, crowns, I just wanted you to be able

to fucking chew in your old age.

- Officers. - Officers.

- What? - What?

- I do people favors.

- What?

- $20,000, in small bills, with a taste of cocaine,

it's not a big deal.

- Yes, we do people favors.

Did you need that tonight or tomorrow morning?

- So years ago, I'm buying a car,

and this old salesman comes out to me

and I recognize him right off.

'Cause he was famous from doing commercials years before,

you know with the shtick and the bikini models,

and the crocodile and the bear,

you know him if you saw him.

But I also remembered, that he was convicted of fraud

and went to jail, so I knew he was a crook.

But I still ended up buying a car from him anyway

because he convinced me it was a great deal.

Some people, can get away with anything.

- Are you gonna show that to anyone?

- Well, you always wanna upload it to the cloud,

but I have better things I can put on YouTube.

Can I have my phone back?

Oh.

- I want you to meet my beautiful real estate agent.

- Hey, you back there.

Yeah, can you get out of the way, please?

Thanks.

- You know what, why don't you take it on my phone?

- Gun, gun, gun!

- What the hell?

- You okay, partner?

- Holy shit.

Hey.

- My mother once asked when I was gonna get married,

and I said, "When I meet the perfect girl."

She said, "Well, I guess you're never gonna get married,

'cause the perfect girl is looking for the perfect guy."

Thanks mom.

- Bergen's.

Yeah, but we got a lot of assholes here,

this one got a name?

Yeah, he is here.

One thing, is that life is about choices.

Now, some choices don't make a big difference at all,

Coke, Pepsi, but other choices,

you gotta live with your entire life.

But you still have to make the choice or you have no life.

It's just making the right choice, that's so damn hard.

Phone, good sir.

Enjoy.

- Hello?

- I am a man who believes in karma.

You do me nice, I'll do the same for you,

but if you do me wrong...

- Viktor, I didn't know she was your girlfriend, man.

- Kasha? She is not girlfriend,

she's my niece, she's family.

And I like my niece, you not so much.

- You're holding me up for money for hitting on your niece?

- Holding you up? You think I'm that kind of a person?

The money is not for me, it's for my friend,

the real estate agent, Didi.

You treated her badly and you damaged her car.

- But you pounded my head into her hood.

- But you were responsible, it was your car,

you have to pay.

Please, put the money in a paper bag, not plastic,

it's best for animals.

I will be coming soon.

Don't disappoint me, do you understand?

♪ Get me a girl in skin tight jeans ♪

♪ Complicated, kind of mean ♪

♪ Her fuse is short ♪

♪ Her legs are long ♪

♪ She's crazy, oh, oh so deranged ♪

♪ Crazy, just this side of insane ♪

- Got enough?

- Almost.

Thanks.

- I have it, I have your money.

- What money? Is this all about money?

- Hi, mom.

- If it's money you need,

now, you know your father and I, we can help out.

- It's not money. Like I said, I'm just not ready.

- You can't just tell her you will, and then you won't.

I didn't bring up that kind of person.

- Maybe it's something psychological.

- I'm not crazy, dad.

- Is there a problem in the bedroom?

- I'm not talking about my sex life with you.

- Okay then, talk to your father.

- Men can have trouble with erections, Milo,

at any time of their life.

- Dad, I can get...

I can get an erection.

- Well then, if you can get an erection, Milo,

what's the problem, baby, huh?

- Mom, it's not about sex. The sex is...

- Where are you, Milo?

- I'm at Bergen's, having a drink, working on business.

- This is something we need to talk about, face to face.

- I don't wanna talk about it.

- Stay there, we're on our way.

- Thank you, Jesus, he can get an erection.

- Fuck.

- Do you mind company?

- I think I'll pass.

I'm expecting people, including your friend, Viktor.

- He can overreact.

- Okay.

- It's okay, sit.

- You look like you needed a beer.

No, no, no, it's okay.

- You were counting pennies, take it.

- No, I don't need your money. It was an experiment.

- What kind of experiment?

- Well, men have been taking care of me my whole life,

I just wanted to see if I could make it on my own.

Thank you.

Yes.

You get hungry standing on corners.

- So how much can you make, standing on corners?

- Some people make thousands begging,

lots more than working a nine to five.

- Standing on corners.

- Yeah, you just gotta figure out the right tack,

and the right corner.

- It's not gonna be good for a baby.

- Whose baby?

Oh,

Do I look like that much of a loser to you?

I'm not homeless or pregnant, that's just my signage.

Homeless gets you coin,

homeless and pregnant gets you paper.

- So, you're scamming people.

- Oh, what? Like you never break the rules?

- And panhandling, that's your plan

- Until I catch my break.

I'm a singer, and a songwriter, and an actress.

- It's tough business.

You gotta be at the right place, the right time,

you gotta have talent.

- What makes you think I don't?

- I don't mean to say you're not talented,

you're probably very talented.

You've got the look.

- Uh-hum.

And what is it you like looking at?

- I'm not going there.

- Going where?

They're on their way.

- Who?

- My mom and dad.

Yeah, I'm always talking to them in uppercase letters,

everything is loud, I have to tone down.

- What message were you trying to get across?

- I'm engaged.

The wedding is in two weeks.

- Congratulations.

- Don't congratulate me, I'm breaking it off.

And my parents are not happy about it.

- Sorry.

- Don't be, it's the right thing to do.

- What happened?

- Nothing happened, I just don't think she's one.

- How long have you been going together?

- 10 years.

- What? It took you 10 years to figure out

she's not the one.

- Is this is a rehearsal for what my mother will say?

- No, no, but,

you're probably gonna fuck this girl up.

- She'll bounce back.

- How did you let it get that far?

- She was always the girlfriend, steady,

the one I took to the prom.

I still remember, she wore this backless,

strapless, blue thing.

After high school we both went separate ways,

different colleges, different towns.

Years ago, we made a vow that if neither of us were married

by the time we were 30, we would marry each other.

That was stupid.

But every now and then we bring it up,

just joking, you know?

Last month she turned 30, and when she brought it up again,

You wanna get married?

- Yeah.

- Romantic.

- You know when you meet a girl,

and you bring her home to mom and dad,

you want them to like her.

My parents, they love Evie.

They say when you meet the right one you know,

I don't know, so I'm thinking it's not love.

- Maybe you just like to fuck around.

There's nothing wrong with that, just admit it.

- No, it's not... I mean, yes, but...

I just think it is time to settle down.

- Oh, who's that talking now? Your mother?

- What if Evie is the right one?

And I'm just too dense to figure it out.

- Mh-hm. - I don't know.

- Bullshit, you know.

There has gotta be something that turns you off,

what is it?

- You know, I don't really know you,

I really don't wanna talk about this anymore.

- Like it?

- Beautiful.

- Thanks, I love nice jewelry.

It's expensive, I could live for a year

off of what this cost.

- A gift from a boyfriend.

- No, I stole it,

from my aunt.

She never missed it.

You know, some people have too much money

and too much jewelry.

I was raped when I was 16.

- I'm sorry.

I don't know what to say.

- You don't have say anything, I'm over it.

Well, I'm not over it,

but at least I didn't turn gay or celibate.

So what is it that you don't wanna talk about?

Come on, talk to me.

It'll be good to get what's inside, out.

- Okay.

- Yeah.

- What bothers me about Evie, she's freaky.

- Oh, kinky sex?

- No, I'm not talking about this with you.

- Oh, I touched a nerve there, did I?

- No, the sex is okay. It's not that.

- Then what is it?

- She doesn't like to kiss.

- That's it?

- And her mouth doesn't go anywhere else.

- Oh, so you're gonna tell your parents

that you're breaking off an engagement

because she won't go down on you.

- No, that's not what I'm gonna say.

And that's not it, it's other stuff too.

- Like what?

- I've written poetry, like raps to other girls,

I've never written her one.

- So write one.

- I'm not inspired.

- Okay. So if you can't say it, rap it, or kiss it,

maybe it isn't love.

But what are you gonna tell her after 10 years of waiting?

- You're not helping.

- I'm just being real.

Now, if we could get her to hate you

for something other than ruining

the happiest moment of her life...

Is that them?

- Yep, they're parking now.

Shit, Evie's coming too.

- Oh okay, um, let me clean this place up a bit for you.

- No, don't bother.

- Good luck.

- I didn't want it to be like this,

I just... One step at a time!

- She has a dress, I have a dress,

we have people coming from out of state.

- When were you going to tell me?

- I understand marriage responsibility, it's scary.

- People have plane tickets, non-refundable.

- If it's something I did.

- No, nothing like that.

- I didn't do anything wrong other than love you.

- It's me, not you. I'm just not sure.

- You've got dozens of girls

and you always come back to Evie.

- Just tell me, what is it, really?

- I can't write you poetry.

- Are you nuts? They have homework for that.

- Okay, so you're not a poet, but we're good for each other.

- I just think we're rushing into this,

I think we should wait.

- It took you three weeks to pick out napkin rings,

and you think we're rushing?

- I thought we could take a trip to Vegas or Hawaii,

sort it all out.

- You think you can dis-invite 200 people

and Evie's gonna wait?

- I wanna be with you, but I can't wait.

- Please, don't make it now or never.

- You think you have a lot of time for choices, Milo,

sometimes you only have a moment to make the right one.

- We were teenagers at prom,

and it was a night, a first for the both of us.

And we were both nervous and awkward, but then we kissed,

and it was more than just a kiss.

You felt it then, and you know it now.

Milo, it's now or never.

Do you love me or not?

- Yes, yes.

♪ Get me a girl in skintight jeans ♪

♪ Complicated, kind of mean ♪

- Hello, Milo.

♪ She's crazy, oh, oh, so deranged ♪

♪ Crazy, just this side of insane ♪

I'm Courtney. Milo, has told me so much about you.

There you go, problem solved.

- Evie, I can explain, she's an actress.

- Now, there is a mischief maker for you.

Don't forget your doggy bag.

We all want a devil for under the sheets.

Saints? For dashboards.

Is it because life is basically so boring

that we need people like her to spice it up?

'Cause I know you can find joy in doing things

you're not supposed to do,

but sometimes there's the devil to pay.

- All right, let's lock it up.

- Will do, boss.

What?

Go ahead, judge.

You can love me, you can hate me, I don't care.

I just wanna feel good.

For just a few minutes, feel good about myself, my life.

'cause it's easy to feel good if you've got money,

love, sex, family, I haven't got any of those things.

All I got...

And I bet looking down on me

makes you feel pretty good about yourself, doesn't it?

Because no matter how bad it gets for you

you can always say, at least I'm not that guy,

at least I'm not a druggie.

The way I see it,

I'm doing a public service.

- Go ahead.

- How long has he been down?

- I'm not sure, I came back because I forgot something

and I found him right there.

- Is he breathing?

- I don't know

- Hey, what's going on?

What happened?

- Jacob?

- Hello?

I'm sorry ma'am, we're closed.

- Hello, sweetheart.

Don't be scared, Jacob. Sit.

- You look just like my nana.

- Yeah.

- I'm sorry, this is weird.

I'm stoned

- No, it's all right. I am your nana.

- You're not my nana.

- Not your Nana? Who else would I be?

- We buried her, I was at her funeral.

- Yeah, I know. And everybody had such nice things to say,

even your cousin, Joey, he never had a nice word for anybody

- Lady, who are you?

- I'm your nana.

- Oh my God, Nana.

Who did we bury? I'll go tell mom.

- I'm the nana, whose chocolate chipped cookies you loved,

the soft gluey ones, huh?

Who bought you your graduation suit?

Or worried about that big, red birthmark on your tush.

- I gotta go call mom.

- All right, Jacob, I'm not gonna beat around the bush.

- Look, I'll call her.

- Jacob?

Who the hell are you?

- Hell? No, that's not me, I'm not from hell.

There is no hell.

But like I said, I'll get right to the point,

without being mysterious.

You're dead.

- What?

- Right now you'll probably think you're high,

but you're dead.

They'll be bringing your body

out of the restroom momentarily.

- Ugh, what a day this has been.

An hour ago, this lady on a train in St. Louis,

she drops dead,

I was in such a rush I didn't have time to eat.

She was young, 50, but she had family history, you know

high blood pressure, diabetes,

she has a time bomb, she just went off.

So I had to get to her first, but you,

we had a whole team on standby waiting for you,

for a long, long time, you were expected.

I don't know, Jacob,

a lot of people went way out of their way for you.

They gave love, money, time,

we all thought you're gonna clean up your act.

- No, no, no, no, this is fucked.

- Jacob, where'd you learn such language?

You don't talk like that to your nana, to anybody.

- Fuck.

- Your nana's right, the word is offensive.

So let's begin again, and you needn't worry,

I'm not that grim reaper they show in the movies,

what a joke.

- This is a joke.

- I don't joke, I'm not funny.

It's only that I've found over the years,

that it's best to first put my subjects at ease.

- Subjects?

- Of all your family,

you've always felt most comfortable with your nana,

a so lovely woman, good heart,

dreadful taste in perfume.

- I just wanna know what's going on here, okay?

- Go see for yourself.

- One, two, three.

- Nana?

- Such a shame.

You want a sprinkled fried chicken?

They put a little honey in the butter,

like the kind I used to make.

- All they had open was espino,

it's not my favorite.

- I was just trying to get a little high.

Oh, come on.

- Jacob, I know it's all very disturbing,

but what can you do?

We thought you'd grow out of it,

we thought you'd grow up be a mitch, but you didn't.

And you know what you left behind? Guilt.

Everybody who loved you

they're now wondering if they could have done more.

What could we have done?

You aren't our little guy anymore,

where we could tell you not to put things in your mouth.

And I heard you say you had no love, no family,

you had both, you just slapped us away.

- I'm sorry, nana.

I didn't mean it.

I can change.

- No, no, no, no, no, no, I want my nana, not you.

- You can't always have what you want.

You get one life, Jacob, like most you squandered it.

Most deaths are by suicide you know,

we don't believe it but it's true.

Quick with a gun, a bit slower with a needle,

and sometimes they take years.

It's suicide by too much,

too much smoking, too much drinking.

We all know that death is inevitable but...

I had this young fellow last week,

he went on and on about how he was a vegetarian,

like broccoli has the key to immortality,

a really cocky guy.

- So there's no going back.

- Jacob, you always had a good head on your shoulders,

but not any smart.

You understand what's going on here, with this is all about?

Of course there's no going back.

I hate it when they ask that,

that vegetarian just wouldn't come along.

- Did he have a choice?

No, no, no, no,

I don't wanna talk to that other woman please, just you.

- Jacob, even your nana likes to put on a little lipstick.

- So I have a choice, I don't have to die.

- You like this color?

Of course you'll have to die,

everyone has to die.

- But that guy, the vegetarian,

you said he wouldn't come along.

So what'd you do? Did you drag him out?

Take him to heaven, hell?

- I told you, there is no hell, no heaven either.

- So what is there?

- Well, there's always fried chicken.

You people, you always lose your sense of humor

in times like these.

Let's go.

- I'm not going anywhere.

Maybe I'm okay.

- Nope.

- How do you know?

- Who figures he'd die in my bar.

- You coming?

- Jacob, do you remember I told you

I used to be off a hoofer.

I did Broadway once when I was 19, "West Side Story",

"The Chorus",

Oh, that was something.

But then I met you grandfather,

and family became another career.

But I was so disappointed in you.

- The drugs, the alcohol?

Well, yeah, but I was disappointed

because you never let me teach you how to dance.

- I know how to dance.

- What, the gyrating business? Where nobody touches.

Look how sexy I am.

That's not dancing, it's a show.

Dancing, real dancing, is two people, hand in hand.

It's a tandem,

and it's romantic.

If you danced, really danced with a girl,

maybe you'd have a girl,

maybe things would have turned out different.

Dance with me, Jacob.

- Oh Jacob, I want you to be happy with this business.

- Happy?

- Sure.

- Why would I be happy to be dead?

- Well, for some it's better than life.

- But I don't wanna be dead, I have a girlfriend,

we were gonna have kids.

- Now, I know you haven't a girlfriend,

I'm death, I know things.

But, if you wanna tango with death.

- I never traveled much,

there's a lot of places I never got to see.

- If you lived to be 100, they'd be places you would say

you didn't get to see, that's life,

it's always incomplete.

- But for some people, like me,

it's more incomplete than ever.

- Don't get me wrong,

I commiserate, but the death was your choice, not mine.

- I didn't plan it.

- Oh, come on, you're not dumb, you knew the risks.

It's not like you tripped in front of a bus.

- I can't just take all the moments of my life

and put them in a box, and pick just one.

There's some things I had no control over,

and that should count for something.

Let's make a deal.

- Well, I'm sorry, it doesn't work that way.

It's time to go.

- No, no, no, no, no, no, wait.

I deserve a second chance, you can change the future.

I may not be perfect, but let me try again.

- I'm sorry, I have other appointments, other people,

I can't argue with you forever.

- Where are you going?

- Nolan's, guns make busy work.

It's ironic, you seem to have spent your entire life

trying to avoid the real world,

always looking to go somewhere, and you knew not where,

and now I wanna take you to another world,

and you don't wanna go.

Well, I'm looking forward to some good jambalaya.

- Good job, 44,

let us know if there's any change.

See you in 10, peace out.

♪ Won't you say ♪

♪ Don't you say ♪

- What?

- I can dance.

♪ When life takes a turn for worse ♪

♪ Remember this little verse ♪

♪ We all fall down ♪

♪ Don't you worry ♪

♪ No matter how hard we climb ♪

♪ Life will find a way ♪

♪ To kick our behinds ♪

♪ And so I am no better than you ♪

♪ Christians, Monks or Buddhist, Jew ♪

♪ We all fall down ♪

♪ Even you poster jerk ♪

♪ Chases debts and thinks he's cool as Captain Cook ♪

♪ He will fall down ♪

♪ Don't you worry ♪

♪ 'Cause just when we think we've arrived ♪

♪ Something really crappy breaks our stride ♪

♪ And so pa pa pa ra pa pa pa ♪

♪ Pa pa ra pa pa pa pa pa ♪

♪ We all fall down ♪

♪ Pa pa pa pa ra pa pa ♪

♪ Pa pa ra pa ra da da da ♪

♪ We all fall down ♪

♪ Don't you worry, we all fall down ♪

♪ Guaranteed, we all fall down ♪

♪ Believe me, we all fall down ♪

♪ In the early morning time, I think of you ♪

♪ And I don't even wanna breathe again ♪

♪ When I'm with you ♪

♪ Oh, oh, let's stay ♪

♪ I'll push it away ♪

♪ And the harder we try ♪

♪ The harder we cry ♪

♪ Still on the loose ♪

♪ Yeah, I know we'll make it through ♪

♪ I know that we'll get through ♪

♪ I'll be there through black and blue ♪

♪ Toasted on the full moon ♪

♪ Thinking of you ♪

♪ Whether it's gonna be your way ♪

♪ I'll be there soon ♪

♪ And the harder we try, the harder we cry ♪

♪ Still on the lose ♪

♪ Yeah I know we'll make it through ♪

♪ I know that we'll get through ♪

♪ I'll be there through black and blue ♪

♪ Yeah I know we'll make it through ♪

♪ I know that we'll get through ♪

♪ I'll be there through black and blue ♪

♪ Through black and blue ♪

♪ Yeah I know we'll make it through ♪

♪ Yeah, I know we'll make it ♪

♪ I'll be there through black and blue ♪