Original subtitles

This is gonna be a Super Hard Easter.

She's a bit fucken' drafty in here this morning, eh?

Why don't you guys just get a blanket? It's really toasty in here.

Oh, it's not that fucken' cold.

No, it's not draftys enough for a blankets.

Oh look, here comes Dary hopping in.

Bet he'd take a silk shawl if you've got one for him, Katy.

Oh, wouldn't Dary look so smart in a cashmere wraps?

Or maybe a pashmina afghans!

Attention one and all!

So you're just gonna pretend you didn't hear us

talking about you like that, don't you, eh?

Everything is in place for the Super Hard Easter Egg Hunt.

Buck futter!

Oh, sure. It's Dary's turn this year.

Yeah, it's my turn.

Feels like it hasn't been my turn in...

About four years?

Yeah, that's exactly what it feels like.

'Cause it's been exactly four years.

Good enough.

D'ya wanna know what? I know we all like a good tradition...

And you don't fuck with tradition, big brother.

Not even for birthday parties people don't especially love.

Well, I was just sayin', I know that we all like a good tradition,

but this is the silliest tradition that we got goin'.

Like I'd rather kick rocks.

- I'm gonna nip this in the... - Just wait,

McMurray told me somethin' I want to tell you guys,

so I'm gonna tell you guys somethin' McMurray told me.

McMurray said he'd seen a dude at the airport

in a washroom with his iPad on top of the urinal,

and he's like workin' on it when he was rockin' a piss.

- Whats could be so urgents? - That's what I said!

I said, "what could be so urgent?"

I'm glad we got that sorted out.

Uh, Katy was about to nip something in the butt.

Yes. I was, Dary, but...

It's "bud", Dary. But, yes, I was.

As you guys know, it's tradition to have an Easter egg hunt around the farm.

- But... - No "buts"!

'Kay.

- But... - But what?

Did I know that Easter is a bastardized version

of a pagan holiday based on rebirth 'cause it's set in the spring?

I don't know. Did ya?

Did I know that it's a Christian version of a Jewish holiday called Passover

that Jesus was actually probably celebrating while has was getting taken

by the Romans at the behest of the Pharisees?

Phariseems like you're being a little bit of a smart aleck over there, Katy.

Then no more "buts"!

She sure right punched your tickets on that one, bud.

I will not have you ruining another perfectly good holiday

or tradition with your humbuggery.

Every year, same holiday, same humbuggery.

- No, Wayne's not a humbug. - Thank you, Dan.

No, I think you're more of a curmudgeons.

Oh, is that what I am?

Hmm, he's a poopy-pants.

I will submits that you have been guilty of

humbuggery, curmudgeonry,

and, dare I says it, poop-pantsery,

on more than ones occasion.

- Wayne. - Katy.

- Do you like Puppers? - Yeah, I like Puppers.

- Do you like Gus N' Bru? - Yeah, I like Gus N' Bru.

- Well... - But...

No "buts"!

We get to drink both all day.

So I say we just get this rig rolling with the least amount

of humbuggery, curmudgeonry or poop-pantsery as possible, shall we?

Poop-pantsery.

Yeah, I know. You could put that on a t-shirt.

A pleasant reminder of the rules for the traditional Easter Egg Hunt.

Dary, it's that kind of overexplaining bring on a good case of chapped-assery.

Pitter-patter, Dary.

- As you know... - Buck futter!

- Wayne! - Well, if we already know it, Katy!

Each year one of us is tasked with painting and hiding Easter eggs all around the farm.

Can confirm.

- The rules are as follows. - 'Kay.

With the help of clues provided by your host,

who is moi,

you find the eggs!

And if you find an egg you do a shot of Gus N' Bru and you chug a Puppers.

But no drinking until you find an egg.

Dan, hey Dan. What a tradition. What a tradition, eh?

Wayne!

But remember,

the hunting grounds are booby-trapped.

And if you find a booby-trap, you're out.

But if I stumbles upon a boobys-trap, I can have as many drinks as I wants, right?

Well, I'm not a monster, Dan. I'm not gonna tell you not to drink.

But if I finds an eggs, I only gets to have one Puppers and one shots of Gus N' Brus.

So, what's my incentive to finds an eggs?

I feel much more motivateds to finds a boobys-traps,

'cause I wants to be doing as many shots as I can, don'ts I?

You definitely do.

Not sures if that was a compliments or not, Miss Katys,

but I'm gonna takes it as one.

So, if I finds an eggs, I gets to have one drink.

And I can have as many drinks as I want if I finds a boobys-traps.

- So... - Yeah, I know.

You should be just looking for a fucken' booby-trap.

Well no, then you won't see how beautiful the eggs are.

You don't fuck with tradition.

Hooray!

Let the wild hunt begin!

Well, it's not technically the wild hunt, it's like...

- Wayne! - Fine.

- But... - No "buts"!

Hi, boys. I didn't see you there.

W- w- what're you doing here, buddy?

Are you working out?

Am I what?

You're in a gym, buddy.

Oh. Am I?

I ha... I hadn't even noticed.

Are you okay? You... You look kind of bummed.

You bummed, Glen?

Is it that obvious?

Well, I mean, between the tears...

And the Kleenex...

And the pouty lip...

Yeah, I guess it's pretty obvious that you're kind of...

Sad?

Oh, boys, I am sad.

Oh, my gourd, am I sad.

Well, why? What's the problem?

Well, it's Easter weekend, and I want to put on a Passion play.

Huh, we love theater, boys.

Smashed drama in high school, bud.

- Class participation... - Ferda!

How 'bout, let's try this though.

I'll just explain it, and then you don't talk for a while,

and we'll go faster, okay?

- Okay. - Okay, great.

So, a Passion play celebrates the life of the Christ

by depicting his suffering, trial and death.

Sounds not that fun.

Yeah, it sounds like it's not fun at all, really.

Oh, it's not.

But Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, is the role I was born to play.

But I can't do it alone.

I need people to...

yell at me and whip me and tell me I'm terrible.

And I have no congregation to participate!

Well, I mean, do you want us to help you, buddy?

We could help you, buddy.

Oh, I thought you'd never ask.

How would you boys like to be my burly Roman centurions?

- Like in 300? - No, that's Sparta.

Just like 300!

Wow, if that's the only point of comparison,

I guess, it leaves 300...

This is Sparta!

- We are so in, buddy! - So in, buddy!

But, if we're gonna be in 300...

No, no. No, no, no, no.

You're gonna be in a Passion play with your friend Glen!

We should do some quick ab work to tighten up.

No! No time for that!

- Good call, buddy. - Only call, buddy.

Ferda!

No, boys, there's no time for that.

I need you to help me find someone

who's gonna yell at me and judge me and find me wanting.

So you need somebody to yell at you and make you feel bad about yourself?

Yes.

You thinking about the guy I'm thinking about?

I'm thinking about the guy you're thinking about.

Ooh. I like mystery man.

But first, abs.

Oh, no.

Okay, boys, this is a real waste of time.

I mean, except that...

I can see the work on your bodies. It's very...

I mean, it's not a waste of time in that sense. It's working.

You look great. You're both...

We're not doing this for very long though!

I won't just... This won't become a full workout!

I won't let it. I don't wanna see anym...

Ooh, I like the twisty part.

Yeah!

Something is off.

Amiss.

Awry.

You got drips? Got really bad drips? I've got bad drips?

Where are Connor and Darien?

With their families.

Families?

For Easter.

Easter?

Yes.

They're with their families for Easter.

I heard you, Roald!

- When will they be returning? - I don't know.

But today is Zombie Jesus Day.

- I know that. - Do you?

- Do you now? - I do!

And how do I like to celebrate Zombie Jesus Day, Roald?

A celebration of all things zombie and Jesus.

First we watch The Last Temptation of Christ,

then 28 Days Later followed by 28 Weeks Later,

which segues nicely into playing The Last of Us till the meth runs out.

Exactly.

So, what do we do now?

Watch The Last Temptation of Christ.

Without Connor's crucial commentary into Kazantzakis' oeuvre?

I remind you that this is no Zorba the Greek!

We could still watch the 28 Days movie.

Oh, can we?

Without Darien?

He's so obsessed with Danny Boyle.

He even likes Sunshine.

- Ghaa! - That was just being mean.

We could play The Last of Us.

Just the two of us?

What a way to celebrate a game

famed for its sophistication and complexity

by practically playing it alone!

And you don't count, Roald.

Thanks for nothing.

- I'll figure something out. - I'm in a funk!

This is some pretty good work.

Yeah, it looks to scale.

I thinks it is to scales.

Pretty important quality in a quality map.

Well, it's about the only quality you need in a map.

Okay, let's read the first clue.

"I'm the way to your heart and I'm made of art."

That's some fucken' serial killer handwriting right there, isn't it?

Oh, that is the handwriting of an unhappy mind.

You know, I only writes in block letters for readability's sakes.

What do you mean, like all caps?

That's exactly what I means.

That's a little bit serial-killery too, don't you think?

I think it's easiers to read.

Well, I write in cursive.

But not too cursivey, 'cause then it's really hard to read.

I agree, Miss Katys.

If the cursives is too strongs, it just starts to look like scribbles.

I can hear my Grade 3 teacher saying that now.

- Who? Mrs. Roscoe? - Yeah.

She gave me my first and only A++.

Oh, look at you.

But d'ya wanna know what?

I'm told they don't even teach cursive in school anymore.

Really?

You think I'd fuck around about something like that?

That's a shame.

You know, good handwriting is the hallmarks of a good characters.

But, I thought you said you write in block letters.

Just because I don'ts writes in cursives doesn't mean I can'ts writes in cursives.

You know, Dan?

You've gone ahead and called it a shame.

I'm gonna go ahead and call it a goddammed shame.

Kids need to learn how to do things the old-fashioned way.

Pull themselves up by the bootstraps.

Show some gumption.

Yeah, show some panache.

You know they used to say that about me all the time?

They used to say "kid's got panache".

Did they say that?

Well, they used to say that about me all the time.

Okay, let's... let's read that first clue again.

Katy...

"I'm the way to your heart and I'm made of art."

Fuck's sake, Dary, your stupid clue!

It is pretty fucking stupid.

Dary, are all your clues this fucken' stupid?

Well, they might be.

Hey, you're hammered, eh?

Hey, Dary, how hammered are ya?

Very to a lot.

But I can drink all the day long

because I'm the host

and I know where the eggs are.

Well, take 35 to 45 per cent off her in there, bud,

'cause that's all the Gus N' Bru we have and the liquor store is closed,

so we can't go back to the well till to-morrey.

We gotta find some eggs soon,

'cause I can't be sober around drunk Dary.

Oh, hunt for the eggsss!

Coach, have we got a killer idea for you.

Best idea ever. Ferda!

I doubt it.

We want you to meet the newest member of the Letterkenny Irish coaching staff.

Ooh. Oh my. It's sticky in here!

Oh.

- Who are you? - I'm Glen! Let's coach some boys.

- Is this a joke? - It is not.

I would like you

to determine whether or not a humble sinner like myself

would have a place on your coaching staff.

I want you to judge me, Pontius Pilate.

Act I. Go!

- Just judging people, boys. - It's his passion.

And this is a Passion play!

So, you wanna be a hockey coach?

Kind of.

I want you to judge

whether or not I'd be good at coaching hockey-ball.

You shouldn't coach hockey-ball 'cause you called it 'hockey-ball'!

- Okay. - All right? You wouldn't know

a face-off specialist from a stay-at-home D-man.

I wouldn't, but I'd like to.

This is probably the most time you've spent in a gym locker room.

It isn't, but let's not get into it.

You probably call your asshole your penalty box.

That is personal, not true and a good idea!

Thank you, coach.

Boys, I feel like I have been judged

and found wanting!

We're good to go.

Oh, I- I- I don't think so.

You don't get to float in here,

ruin my shvitz with your funny little shits

and then just walk out the door.

We're just getting started, boys.

But...

Read it again.

"I'm the way to your heart"

Well, that's something food-related for sure.

"and I'm made of art."

Fuck's sake!

Settle down.

Ow! Fuck!

Settle down.

Look who found a booby-trap.

Guess who gets to get hammered now, boys.

Oh, bother.

Don't worry, big brother. I'll help you look.

Read another clue.

"I'm soft and I'm hard. I'm right in your yard."

Fucks that's stupid!

Dary, I'm so close to pulling the plug on this entire fucken' thing.

If it wasn't tradition...

Where's Dan in all this? Why isn't he helping?

Dan? Who is this Dan you speak of?

For I'm known only as The Winner.

And I found the first boobys-trap,

making me Mr. Champion.

Oh, bother.

Are you hammered?

How hammered are you, Squirrely Dan?

A lot to verys.

Hey!

I ever tell you guys about the first Easter?

It was a long time ago, and Jesus invited his friends

to his house for dinner.

And he said, "hey, whoy don't you guys

"hide these chocolate eggs before the Romans come?

"And Judas, would you mind feeding my pet rabbit?

"Amen."

Outstanding.

Now everybody's getting hammered but me.

D'ya wanna know what? People should only get hammered together,

so you never have to see how obnoxious your friends actually are.

Right, Katy?

Sorry, big brother.

Joining the parade.

Find the eggsss.

Dary, there'd better be some fucken' Gus N' Bru left at the end of all this.

Hello, Roald.

Hi, Glen

and hockey.

- 'Ssup, Roald. - 'Ssup.

Where is your master, undercreature?

Resting.

Makes sense, it is daytime.

Correct.

Wait, are they vampires?

What are you doing here?

Together.

We, and now you,

are in the midst of a Passion play.

Act II. You're welcome!

- We're acting, buddy. - We're killing it, buddy.

And it's such a pleasure working with you.

You're so lovely and talented, bro.

Oh, my God.

So you need some sort of Judas kiss and you thought of me.

Wrong!

Calm ourselves.

No.

What I need to do is suffer.

So I have come here,

to thee.

I'm not sure I know what you mean by that, Glenjamin.

Don't thou?

Do I?

Doth thee?

What?

Exeunt.

Does the Resurrection play a role in this

little ditty of yours?

She could be an encore...

I suppose.

I'm in then.

Do you want us to leave, boys?

'Cause we could just leave, or...

It's better because you're here.

Yeah, much better.

- Cool. - Cool.

- Cool. - Cool.

Wait... What?

Fucks, it's cold out here!

You should get yourself a blanket!

I am the winner!

Find the eggsss!

McMurray, how are y...

Well, good. And y...

Oh, not so b...

Fuck, but...

McMurray!

I'm trying to ask you if you like puzzles even though I know you fucken' do,

so get over here and help me solve one.

Pl...

But I was...

Ple...

I'm trying to say please and thank you!

Get over here!

Hey! Guess what!

What?

Chicken butt!

- Whip sound! - Ouch!

- Whip sound! - Ooh, ouch!

This is Sparta!

No, no it's not.

For Sparta!

Ugh, this is not how it went in the dream.

But, in the dream I was Mel Gibson.

Uh, ouch, Jonesy! Ooh.

So, was it worth it, undercreature?

I'm sorry again that I- I roused you from your slumber.

The hubris. The arrogance.

The third synonym I would like to have though of.

You did not rouse me, Roald.

I rouse myself!

Only me, rousing myself.

Stewart, I- I just think that you're...

That's a laugh.

You? Thinking?

The hubris! The arrogance!

That third one!

I just...

You're gonna like where this is going.

I had better.

Fucks sake, McMurray, we found all the eggs.

That's a lot of drink tickets.

Time to play catch-up.

Thanks for the help, good buddy.

Well, I do like a good crotchword puzzle too, Wayne,

if you got any of those.

Not being cryptic, no, thank you very much.

Just a good old-fashioned crotchword puzzle

with the appropriate amount of clues/space available ratio.

I am, however, above word searches.

I'm a simple man.

McMurray...

Mrs. McMurray and I actually got ourselves into sudoku

action down 'Minican.

Group sudoku action.

Something about those numbers games.

All the symmetry and the rationale and the groups...

- McMurray! - Wait!

It wasn't down 'Minican. It was down 'Pulco.

McMurray, we finally found all the eggs,

so she's time to get hammered.

Pitter-patter!

Let's get at 'er!

Well, you're welcome for finding all the eggs, Wayne.

And you were right to call.

I love clues and I love puzzles.

I love games. I love everything.

So they tell me.

Hey. So I told you about that feller I'd seen at the airport

who was hanging a piss out working on his iPad

on top of the urinal, right?

What could be so urgent?

That is exactly what I said, Wayne!

I said "what in the fuck could be so urgent?"

Thanks for the help, good buddy.

Anything I can do, Wayne.

When a friend asks for help, you help 'em.

Especially on Easter.

Well, that appears to be all the eggs.

Time to find the rest of the gang and tie one right on.

Your terms are acceptable, Wayne.

I am dying! This is the third act!

What the actual fuck are we looking at, McMurray?

I don't know, Wayne.

I'd seen something like this down 'Caicos once but,

there were a lot less dudes.

Do you see?

Do you see what I have given thee?

I do not.

Extrapolate.

Jesus is dying, yet he continues to march.

We've skipped many details,

but basically he is ressurected,

- therefore he is... - Not constrained by mortality.

- By time. - Stewart!

He is the one who cannot be buried.

What the religious call the "ente".

What the simple call the "undead".

- But what you and I call, Roald... - Stewart!

A zombie!

We're out of Gus N' Bru, boys.

Nooo!

This is our time, McMurray.

Good enough.

We're out of Puppers too.

- Oh, we got Puppers. - And Gus N' Bru.

Oh, I guess I'm following you boys home then.

It's a zombie walk, Stewart.

Just like you wanted.

March.

Zombie march.

Never have I loved thee more.

Let's just catch up to the others, okay?

Yeah, Stewart.

- Cool. - That's cool.

Well, she's no Gus N' Bru...

But I do love some Pup...

How 'bout we...

- You go. - No, no, no, go ahead, Wayne.

This is your kitchen.

Well, I was just gonna say that like...

How beautiful goddammed these egg are.

Well, fuck, McMurray.

Wait, what?

Well, that's exactly what I was gonna say.

I was just gonna say how beautiful

and immaculately crafted those Easter eggs are.

That's exactly what I was gonna fucken' say.

D'ya wanna know what, McMurray?

- Man to man? - Man to man.

- I really wish it wasn't so difficult... - ...talking to you all the time.

That's exactly what I was gonna say.

And I know you were.

And I know about you were.

- What? - What?

What, did you just say "and I know about you were?"

No.

Well, I'm pretty sure it's what I just heard you say.

Don't think so.

- Okay, let's start over... - Start right from the beginning...

Stop talkin'.

I got somethin' I wanna say to ya

at the count of three.

So, at the count of three I'm gonna say it and you don't talk.

I'm right with ya.

So, once again,

I'll say somethin' at the count of three...

and then you don't talk...

All right?

I'm just gonna do what you say.

And then I don't talk.

Fucks sake, McMurray. I'm joining the fucken' zombie walk.

Good stuff, Wayne!

We made some real progress there!

Probably gonna be best friends soon.

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