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1
00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:14,320
Clean this ball
juice off my floor.
2
00:00:14,382 --> 00:00:16,522
Fucking asshole,
come on.
3
00:00:17,218 --> 00:00:20,748
Get the fuck out.
4
00:00:22,490 --> 00:00:25,690
You like that?
Does that feel good?
5
00:00:27,228 --> 00:00:30,158
NEIGHBOR: Shut up!
You fucking shut up!
6
00:00:31,132 --> 00:00:35,502
(BONES BREAKING)
(SCREAMING)
7
00:00:49,550 --> 00:00:51,920
Hi, there.
I'm Ed Halligan
8
00:00:51,985 --> 00:00:55,155
and thank you for tuning
in for another night of
comedy from your friends
9
00:00:55,223 --> 00:00:57,293
at Funny or Die.
10
00:00:57,358 --> 00:00:59,888
You know, I was just
telling the Loganthorpe twins
here about the good old days,
11
00:00:59,960 --> 00:01:04,670
when everyone gathered
around the old projector
and watched pornography.
12
00:01:04,732 --> 00:01:07,902
They didn't know
that's how we used to
watch it, in groups.
13
00:01:07,968 --> 00:01:11,368
We'd sit around watching
porn and a bunch of guys...
14
00:01:11,439 --> 00:01:14,239
Have a bunch of drinks and
then go get some whores.
15
00:01:14,308 --> 00:01:17,948
Pornography was more
social in the old days.
16
00:01:18,011 --> 00:01:23,151
Now, you slink off to some
secret corner all by yourself
and click around for hours.
17
00:01:23,217 --> 00:01:27,157
Sinking into every perverse,
disgusting desire you
could possibly have.
18
00:01:27,221 --> 00:01:30,391
Foot fetishes,
grannies, midgets...
19
00:01:30,458 --> 00:01:33,628
Now they even have porn
categories for the darkest
recesses of the mind,
20
00:01:33,694 --> 00:01:36,564
only fit for monsters
and criminals.
21
00:01:36,630 --> 00:01:40,070
One click and there
you are, right in hell.
22
00:01:40,134 --> 00:01:42,074
How did we let
this happen?
23
00:01:42,136 --> 00:01:44,406
The Internet, that's how.
24
00:01:44,472 --> 00:01:46,472
You can't control the
spread of information.
25
00:01:46,540 --> 00:01:49,410
Even if it's someone
defecating on someone
else's face.
26
00:01:49,477 --> 00:01:51,677
Gutenberg taught us that.
27
00:01:51,745 --> 00:01:56,645
But, hey, if you
can't control it, then
why not tap into it?
28
00:01:56,717 --> 00:01:59,817
(CHUCKLING) And that's what
we do over at Funny or Die.
29
00:01:59,887 --> 00:02:02,687
We think we made a kind
of heaven out of hell,
30
00:02:02,756 --> 00:02:05,456
with our comedy website
and our TV show.
31
00:02:05,526 --> 00:02:08,296
Maybe one day we can all
return to the Golden Age,
32
00:02:08,362 --> 00:02:11,432
when we all liked
the same kind of porn.
33
00:02:11,499 --> 00:02:16,469
But, until then,
this isn't half bad.
(CHUCKLES)
34
00:02:44,198 --> 00:02:46,828
FEMALE NARRATOR: Tonight on
Funny or Die Presents...
35
00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:49,400
The United States
Police Department,
36
00:02:49,470 --> 00:02:52,570
the movie of the
week, The Terrys,
37
00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:54,440
starring Tim and Eric
38
00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:57,508
and Baby Boss.
39
00:03:16,330 --> 00:03:19,300
Hey, look who's
famous again.
40
00:03:19,367 --> 00:03:21,127
Looks like the baby
fuckers got fucked.
41
00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:22,371
I'd say.
42
00:03:22,436 --> 00:03:24,306
But I beat ya to it.
43
00:03:24,372 --> 00:03:27,642
Well, if it isn't
USPD's top cops, the
Lone Ranger and Dyko.
44
00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:29,708
Watch your mouth, Spaghetti.
45
00:03:29,777 --> 00:03:34,177
So, you born a rug-muncher
or did Ducca here put you
off of the C-O-C, cock?
46
00:03:34,248 --> 00:03:36,278
That's it...
Easy, Ducca.
47
00:03:36,350 --> 00:03:37,590
I can handle this.
48
00:03:37,651 --> 00:03:39,891
Oh, I got something
for you to handle.
49
00:03:42,290 --> 00:03:44,430
Swallow, swallow.
I just meant my dick.
50
00:03:44,492 --> 00:03:46,492
Swallow his testicles.
Ew.
51
00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:49,060
Swallowing testicles now.
52
00:03:49,129 --> 00:03:50,959
(COUGHING)
53
00:03:51,031 --> 00:03:52,631
All right, enough.
54
00:03:52,700 --> 00:03:54,000
Enough!
55
00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:58,067
Ducca, Phuk, in my office
now. Spaghetti, Panetti,
56
00:03:58,138 --> 00:04:01,838
get to the nurse's office,
and somebody clean this
ball juice off my floor.
57
00:04:02,976 --> 00:04:05,006
(DOOR SLAMS)
58
00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:07,778
You think that just because
there's a really nice picture
of you in the paper
59
00:04:07,848 --> 00:04:09,048
that you can run wild?
60
00:04:09,116 --> 00:04:12,486
No.
More like a fucking
awesome picture.
61
00:04:13,587 --> 00:04:16,117
It was not awesome.
62
00:04:16,189 --> 00:04:18,729
Chief, that's
my partner.
63
00:04:18,792 --> 00:04:19,792
(GROANS)
64
00:04:23,964 --> 00:04:24,974
Hey!
Jesus.
65
00:04:25,032 --> 00:04:26,602
Knock it off.
66
00:04:30,738 --> 00:04:31,938
Ow.
67
00:04:40,348 --> 00:04:41,818
(BOTH SCREAMING)
68
00:04:41,882 --> 00:04:44,322
Knock it off, Huckey.
Ducca, Phuk.
It's fuck.
69
00:04:44,385 --> 00:04:46,315
Into my office now!
Double-Chief O'Shambley.
70
00:04:46,387 --> 00:04:48,117
I said now!
God!
71
00:04:48,188 --> 00:04:49,988
Bullshit.
72
00:04:50,057 --> 00:04:51,457
(DOOR SLAMS)
73
00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:02,070
I... Oh!
74
00:05:03,837 --> 00:05:06,267
Hit each other.
I said hit each other!
75
00:05:06,340 --> 00:05:07,880
Break it up!
76
00:05:07,941 --> 00:05:10,911
My office is being painted.
Conference Room 2.
77
00:05:12,380 --> 00:05:13,550
Now!
78
00:05:15,115 --> 00:05:17,345
DUCCA: Damn it!
God!
79
00:05:17,418 --> 00:05:19,518
Get your stupid
fucking asses in here!
80
00:05:19,587 --> 00:05:21,187
Look, Chief, I...
81
00:05:21,254 --> 00:05:23,194
Damn, she got you good.
82
00:05:23,256 --> 00:05:25,186
Happy birthday!
83
00:05:25,258 --> 00:05:27,928
You have no shield
from the pain.
84
00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:30,655
(ALL SHOUTING)
85
00:05:34,402 --> 00:05:36,872
(SHOUTING) You bit
my fucking ear!
86
00:05:36,937 --> 00:05:37,937
(INAUDIBLE)
87
00:05:43,310 --> 00:05:48,080
(YELLING)
88
00:05:50,317 --> 00:05:53,847
No!
(BONES BREAKING)
89
00:05:53,921 --> 00:05:56,321
Anything you say can be
held against you in a
court of law.
90
00:05:56,390 --> 00:06:00,390
I love you, Mom!
(SHOUTING CONTINUES)
91
00:06:00,461 --> 00:06:03,501
Stop! What's wrong
with you animals?
92
00:06:03,564 --> 00:06:05,504
ALL: King of Police!
93
00:06:05,566 --> 00:06:08,736
That's right. Who the
hell did you think I was?
94
00:06:08,802 --> 00:06:11,572
Into my office,
now. Now!
95
00:06:13,774 --> 00:06:16,714
KING OF POLICE: I know I have
an office here, somewhere.
96
00:06:16,777 --> 00:06:20,947
I was here once.
I know I'm not...
Wait a minute.
97
00:06:21,014 --> 00:06:22,754
Now I remember!
98
00:06:22,816 --> 00:06:25,716
This hallway is my office!
99
00:06:25,786 --> 00:06:28,156
I'm the King of Police!
100
00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:29,691
(OFFICERS SHOUTING)
101
00:06:33,126 --> 00:06:37,696
(OPERA MUSIC PLAYING)
102
00:06:59,052 --> 00:07:00,492
KING OF POLICE:
That's just me.
103
00:07:15,736 --> 00:07:17,636
(NARRATOR CLEARS THROAT)
104
00:07:17,705 --> 00:07:20,235
And now presenting
the world premiere
of the motion picture
105
00:07:20,307 --> 00:07:24,307
produced especially
for Funny or Die,
106
00:07:24,377 --> 00:07:30,417
movie of the week.
Tonight's movie, The Terrys.
107
00:07:30,484 --> 00:07:32,794
The Terrys.
108
00:07:42,029 --> 00:07:44,699
NARRATOR: This is
the Dunnersville Trailer Park,
109
00:07:44,765 --> 00:07:48,395
just off
of Sand Canyon Road.
110
00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:54,908
It's home to mothers, fathers,
children, even grandparents.
111
00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:58,045
Some are down on their luck.
112
00:07:58,111 --> 00:08:00,581
Some just choose
the simpler life.
113
00:08:01,582 --> 00:08:03,952
They're all good people.
114
00:08:04,017 --> 00:08:08,857
Well, except for the Terrys.
115
00:08:08,922 --> 00:08:13,562
This is Terry Grut, the
most feared man of the
Dunnersville community.
116
00:08:13,627 --> 00:08:18,627
You, motherfucker! What
the fuck, you little shit?
Get the fuck out of here!
117
00:08:18,699 --> 00:08:23,339
NARRATOR:
Terry lives off a steady diet
of rage and narcotics.
118
00:08:23,403 --> 00:08:27,713
Currently, he is
chemically addicted to
a street drug called ice.
119
00:08:27,775 --> 00:08:32,205
A dangerous combination
of crack cocaine and
methamphetamines.
120
00:08:34,447 --> 00:08:38,517
(COUGHING)
121
00:08:40,053 --> 00:08:42,293
(CHOKING)
122
00:08:51,965 --> 00:08:56,265
MAN: Come on, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
123
00:08:56,336 --> 00:08:59,136
That's it.
NARRATOR:
This is Terry Brovart.
124
00:08:59,206 --> 00:09:02,676
Yeah, oh. I'm gonna
come in your mouth.
125
00:09:02,743 --> 00:09:06,183
Yeah. (MOANING)
126
00:09:09,016 --> 00:09:11,376
(SIGHS)
127
00:09:11,451 --> 00:09:13,851
NARRATOR: She was born
here in Dunnersville.
128
00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:20,255
Terry has performed oral
sex on over than 6,000 men.
129
00:09:20,327 --> 00:09:23,397
Mostly ex-convicts from the
Dunnersville State Prison.
130
00:09:23,463 --> 00:09:26,103
(BURPS)
131
00:09:26,166 --> 00:09:27,866
Damn.
132
00:09:27,935 --> 00:09:30,865
This is the story
of Terry Grut and
Terry Brovart,
133
00:09:30,938 --> 00:09:35,138
or as they are more
commonly known, The Terrys.
134
00:09:46,219 --> 00:09:48,089
BROVART: Hey man,
give me a little toke.
135
00:09:48,155 --> 00:09:49,415
GRUT: Fuck you, get the
fuck out of here, boy.
Come on.
136
00:09:49,489 --> 00:09:51,159
I'll give you
some of this.
137
00:09:51,224 --> 00:09:53,894
Oh, yeah. You wanna
suck on my little cock?
Yeah, yeah.
138
00:09:53,961 --> 00:09:57,261
(MOANING)
Oh, yeah. It's gonna
fucking cost you.
139
00:09:58,498 --> 00:09:59,768
You like that shit?
Oh, yeah.
140
00:09:59,833 --> 00:10:01,303
Is it worth this?
141
00:10:01,368 --> 00:10:03,168
You like my little
fucking, you asshole?
Oh!
142
00:10:03,236 --> 00:10:07,106
Fuck it, fuck it hard.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah!
143
00:10:07,174 --> 00:10:11,754
Yeah!
Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!
144
00:10:11,812 --> 00:10:13,552
BOTH: Oh, yeah!
145
00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:15,883
Let's go back to my
fucking trailer, bitch.
146
00:10:17,250 --> 00:10:20,620
GRUT: Shit, fuck this, bitch.
Fuck, yeah.
147
00:10:20,688 --> 00:10:23,558
Oh!
148
00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:25,633
(YELLING)
149
00:10:25,693 --> 00:10:27,663
Yeah! Yeah!
150
00:10:27,728 --> 00:10:29,858
(CHOKING)
151
00:10:32,265 --> 00:10:33,265
(BOTH EXCLAIM)
152
00:10:40,273 --> 00:10:42,543
(MOANING)
153
00:10:42,609 --> 00:10:44,139
(SCREAMING)
154
00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:56,217
NARRATOR:
That was how it all started.
155
00:10:56,289 --> 00:11:02,299
Although they only dry-humped,
the Terrys conceived a child
that very afternoon,
156
00:11:02,362 --> 00:11:05,672
and the Terrys began
their life together.
157
00:11:20,247 --> 00:11:21,207
Oh, yeah.
158
00:11:22,716 --> 00:11:24,116
Yeah.
159
00:11:25,886 --> 00:11:29,356
Oh, yeah. Wash that
house. Fuck yeah.
160
00:11:31,258 --> 00:11:33,728
What are you doing?
Fuck you, I'm busy.
161
00:11:33,794 --> 00:11:35,234
Help me out.
Help yourself.
162
00:11:35,295 --> 00:11:36,825
Fucking prick.
163
00:11:36,897 --> 00:11:38,167
You fucking come bucket.
164
00:11:38,231 --> 00:11:39,431
(SIGHS)
165
00:11:40,667 --> 00:11:42,267
What the fuck
are you doing?
166
00:11:42,335 --> 00:11:44,965
Why don't you mind
your business?
Fuck, I'm soft now.
167
00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:47,038
I'm gonna fucking
kill your baby.
168
00:11:47,107 --> 00:11:50,307
Go ahead. Fucking kill it.
It's not my fucking baby.
I don't want that shit.
169
00:11:50,377 --> 00:11:51,777
I'm gonna kill
this fucking baby.
(BABY CRYING)
170
00:11:51,845 --> 00:11:53,445
Fuck you!
Fuck you!
171
00:11:53,513 --> 00:11:55,353
You know what? Fuck
the shit out of you.
172
00:11:55,415 --> 00:11:58,015
This is your fucking baby.
So, fuck you...
173
00:11:58,085 --> 00:12:00,615
Fuck you! Fuck you!
Fuck you!
174
00:12:00,687 --> 00:12:02,617
Fuck you!
175
00:12:02,689 --> 00:12:03,689
NEIGHBOR: Shut up!
176
00:12:03,757 --> 00:12:05,387
You fucking shut up.
177
00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:10,629
Fuck this, I'm out of here.
178
00:12:10,697 --> 00:12:11,897
Where you going?
Fuck you.
179
00:12:11,965 --> 00:12:13,725
Where the fuck you going?
Fuck you!
180
00:12:13,801 --> 00:12:15,901
Fuck you!
181
00:12:15,969 --> 00:12:20,509
Fuck you! Fuck you!
182
00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:25,583
Yeah, put that fucking
down. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
183
00:12:25,645 --> 00:12:27,175
Fuck you!
184
00:12:31,318 --> 00:12:33,418
You fucking whore!
185
00:12:38,025 --> 00:12:41,085
Fuck you.
Mama's getting high.
186
00:12:42,362 --> 00:12:43,762
Fuck you. Fuck you.
187
00:12:43,831 --> 00:12:45,931
NARRATOR: But, of course,
the Terrys always made up.
188
00:12:45,999 --> 00:12:49,199
And in a rare demonstration
of logic and forward thinking,
189
00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:54,539
the woman, Terry, convinced
the man, Terry, to
consult with an OBGYN,
190
00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:57,037
a baby doctor.
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
191
00:12:58,946 --> 00:13:01,816
Come on, come on.
192
00:13:01,882 --> 00:13:04,422
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
193
00:13:04,484 --> 00:13:05,724
What?
194
00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:09,785
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
195
00:13:09,857 --> 00:13:12,187
What the fuck
is he saying?
I don't fucking know.
196
00:13:12,259 --> 00:13:14,729
Get the fuck out of
my pussy. Fuck you.
197
00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:18,674
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
198
00:13:18,731 --> 00:13:21,501
Yeah, I don't understand
that shit. I don't
speak chicken.
199
00:13:21,568 --> 00:13:22,768
English, you fuck.
200
00:13:22,836 --> 00:13:25,106
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
201
00:13:25,172 --> 00:13:26,772
Yo, what the fuck do you
know anyways, huh?
202
00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:30,080
Why don't you get your mouth
out of my girl's pussy, huh?
203
00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:31,813
Get the fuck
out of here!
Come on!
204
00:13:31,879 --> 00:13:37,049
Fuck you! Fuck you!
Fuck you!
205
00:13:39,619 --> 00:13:41,719
Fucking homo.
Yeah, baby.
206
00:13:41,788 --> 00:13:44,518
You don't have to worry
about shit 'cause I'm gonna
take care of that baby myself.
207
00:13:44,591 --> 00:13:46,361
Home delivery style.
208
00:13:46,426 --> 00:13:51,296
Let me get a taste.
Oh, shit. Oh, it's
fucking dry.
209
00:13:51,364 --> 00:13:54,434
Oh, it's like fucking
tomato soup.
210
00:13:54,501 --> 00:13:58,811
Oh, yeah.
Oh, it tastes like metal.
211
00:13:58,872 --> 00:14:01,882
Oh! Yeah!
212
00:14:01,942 --> 00:14:06,312
NARRATOR: And so the man,
Terry, found a used CD-ROM
at the second-hand store
213
00:14:06,379 --> 00:14:09,219
to teach him how to
deliver the child at home.
214
00:14:13,620 --> 00:14:15,920
(GROWLING)
215
00:14:16,756 --> 00:14:19,356
(GRUNTING)
216
00:14:19,426 --> 00:14:22,056
NARRATOR: As the woman, Terry,
approached her delivery date,
217
00:14:22,129 --> 00:14:27,029
the Terrys would fight
like cats and dogs, every
day and every night.
218
00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:29,640
(SCREAMING) If I wanna get
my fucking dick sucked,
219
00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:31,872
then I'll go next door and
get my fucking dick sucked!
220
00:14:31,939 --> 00:14:34,139
Fuck you! I suck this dick!
221
00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:35,637
No, it's not
your fucking dick!
222
00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:37,578
NARRATOR:
This became routine for them
223
00:14:37,644 --> 00:14:42,384
and the ice they smoked only
acted as fuel to the flame.
224
00:14:42,449 --> 00:14:44,219
(YELLING)
225
00:14:45,552 --> 00:14:47,022
You fucking bitch!
226
00:14:48,455 --> 00:14:50,155
(SCREAMING)
227
00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:52,363
What the fuck was that?
My water broke.
228
00:14:52,425 --> 00:14:55,325
Holy shit.
Get the fucking CD-ROM!
229
00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:57,895
Hurry! Hurry my
baby's coming.
230
00:14:57,965 --> 00:15:02,395
Where the fuck is it? Where
the fuck is it, you bitch?
231
00:15:02,469 --> 00:15:04,069
Baby's coming.
232
00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:05,607
Fucking shit. Why
the fuck didn't I look
at this earlier?
233
00:15:05,672 --> 00:15:07,612
(SCREAMING)
234
00:15:09,042 --> 00:15:10,912
Okay.
BROVART: What's
taking so long?
235
00:15:10,978 --> 00:15:13,008
I don't know. It's the first
time I looked at this shit.
Oh, come on!
236
00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:16,550
What the fuck is
loading? Hold on, Terry.
Please fucking hold on.
237
00:15:16,616 --> 00:15:19,186
Keep it inside!
Hold on, Terry.
It's coming.
238
00:15:19,252 --> 00:15:20,852
All right, my
baby's coming.
239
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:21,790
Come on, come on,
come on.
240
00:15:21,854 --> 00:15:23,024
Hurry, my baby's coming.
241
00:15:23,090 --> 00:15:27,960
Come on! Come on!
(COMPUTER BEEPS)
242
00:15:28,028 --> 00:15:32,068
Step one. Go, go.
Prepare... Fuck!
243
00:15:32,132 --> 00:15:33,402
My baby's coming!
244
00:15:33,466 --> 00:15:35,596
It's gonna be hot.
Move your fucking dress.
245
00:15:35,668 --> 00:15:37,398
(SCREAMING)
246
00:15:38,805 --> 00:15:40,465
Shut the fuck up, bitch.
247
00:15:40,540 --> 00:15:42,510
Massage...
248
00:15:42,575 --> 00:15:44,035
Come on,
you fucking asshole.
249
00:15:44,111 --> 00:15:45,311
Come on!
250
00:15:46,479 --> 00:15:49,479
Get the fuck out!
Get the fuck out!
251
00:15:51,518 --> 00:15:52,718
I'm pushing!
252
00:15:52,785 --> 00:15:55,755
Come on, push, you
stupid fucking bitch!
253
00:15:55,822 --> 00:15:57,722
(SCREAMING)
254
00:16:04,197 --> 00:16:05,397
It's coming!
255
00:16:08,135 --> 00:16:11,595
What the fuck?
What the
fuck is that?
256
00:16:11,671 --> 00:16:13,271
What the fuck is this?
257
00:16:13,340 --> 00:16:15,240
What the fuck is this?
Get him away from me.
258
00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:19,883
(CRYING) He isn't a boy.
259
00:16:19,946 --> 00:16:22,446
It's just some
piece of wood.
260
00:16:23,950 --> 00:16:25,220
What the fuck?
261
00:16:25,285 --> 00:16:27,845
What the fuck is this?
262
00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:29,190
What the fuck did you do?
263
00:16:29,256 --> 00:16:31,056
I don't know what
the fuck he is.
264
00:16:36,629 --> 00:16:37,629
I'm a little hungry.
265
00:16:40,067 --> 00:16:43,537
Yeah. I'm gonna go
get some chicken.
266
00:16:45,438 --> 00:16:46,408
Thank you.
267
00:16:50,243 --> 00:16:52,213
GRUT:
Fucking shut up!
BROVART: It's
not his fault.
268
00:16:52,279 --> 00:16:54,579
No, he's nothing
but a fucking puppet!
269
00:16:54,647 --> 00:16:57,847
He's a boy.
That's a piece of shit,
that's not no fucking boy!
270
00:16:57,917 --> 00:16:59,447
He's my son.
Don't yell at him!
271
00:16:59,519 --> 00:17:01,649
I'm gonna throw him
the fuck out in the
dumpster. Fuck you.
272
00:17:01,721 --> 00:17:03,991
You fucking scumbag,
piece of shit!
273
00:17:04,057 --> 00:17:05,427
It's a fucking
puppet, you dope.
274
00:17:05,492 --> 00:17:07,092
Fucking limp
dick. Fuck you.
275
00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:08,930
Oh, you fucking bitch.
Fuck you!
276
00:17:08,995 --> 00:17:11,255
You're gonna fucking
die tonight, you
piece of shit.
277
00:17:11,331 --> 00:17:15,701
(SCREAMING)
I'm gonna fucking
cut you, bitch...
278
00:17:15,768 --> 00:17:18,738
Boom! Boom!
279
00:17:18,805 --> 00:17:20,505
Boom, boom, boom, boom!
280
00:17:20,573 --> 00:17:22,683
That's how it's gonna go. Bam!
Your head's gonna go back.
281
00:17:22,742 --> 00:17:23,942
(EXCLAIMS)
282
00:17:24,010 --> 00:17:27,250
(PUPPET SCREAMING)
283
00:17:33,786 --> 00:17:37,116
(IN DEEP VOICE) Mother and
father, please sit down.
284
00:17:42,162 --> 00:17:44,832
You love each other.
Why do you fight?
285
00:17:48,568 --> 00:17:52,368
Mother, your body is
a beautiful temple.
286
00:17:52,439 --> 00:17:54,809
Save it for
the one you love.
287
00:17:54,874 --> 00:17:58,354
Okay, boy. We love you.
288
00:17:58,411 --> 00:18:03,421
Father, the chemicals you
put into your body turn
you into someone else.
289
00:18:03,483 --> 00:18:06,193
That is not the man
you were meant to be.
290
00:18:08,988 --> 00:18:11,158
I'll do what you say.
291
00:18:11,224 --> 00:18:14,334
NARRATOR: The puppet boy
explained to the Terrys how
important their love was.
292
00:18:14,394 --> 00:18:16,934
It was as gentle
as a young sprout.
293
00:18:16,996 --> 00:18:21,266
And it needed the full
attention and care
of a master gardener.
294
00:18:21,334 --> 00:18:26,244
And he promised them one
day that sprout could grow
into a beautiful flower.
295
00:18:40,019 --> 00:18:42,049
(INAUDIBLE)
296
00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:47,291
As time passed, the puppet
boy grew to be all
things to the Terrys.
297
00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:51,330
Son, caretaker,
298
00:18:53,266 --> 00:18:55,496
spiritual guide...
299
00:19:34,774 --> 00:19:36,184
(INAUDIBLE)
300
00:19:41,781 --> 00:19:45,351
And after a long life
of happiness and love,
301
00:19:45,418 --> 00:19:50,858
the Terrys finally lied
down next to each other to
breathe their final breaths.
302
00:19:50,923 --> 00:19:56,263
Terry, I love
you so much.
303
00:19:56,329 --> 00:19:58,059
I love you, Terry.
304
00:19:58,130 --> 00:19:59,670
(COUGHING)
305
00:19:59,732 --> 00:20:02,402
Thank you, son.
Thank you.
306
00:20:02,469 --> 00:20:07,169
You're a weird boy,
but it was worth
every fucking second.
307
00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:10,980
Okay, son. We're ready.
308
00:20:11,043 --> 00:20:15,283
Bye-bye, son.
Mommy and poppy are ready
to walk in the desert.
309
00:20:16,316 --> 00:20:18,786
You push the button now, son.
310
00:20:18,851 --> 00:20:21,191
Mama's gonna die.
Mama's gonna die.
311
00:20:21,254 --> 00:20:23,224
Go ahead.
312
00:20:23,290 --> 00:20:25,760
Go, let mammy and pappy go
walk in the desert. Go,
ahead. Push the button.
313
00:20:25,825 --> 00:20:28,295
Goodbye, son.
All the best to you.
314
00:20:28,361 --> 00:20:31,431
Goodbye.
Bye-bye.
315
00:20:31,498 --> 00:20:34,798
Bye-bye.
Have a good boy time.
Goodbye, boy.
316
00:20:34,867 --> 00:20:36,597
I love you.
317
00:20:36,669 --> 00:20:39,269
I'll miss you,
son. Thank you so
much, little boy...
318
00:20:39,339 --> 00:20:43,239
(CHOKING)
319
00:20:46,879 --> 00:20:49,779
(HEART MONITOR FLATLINES)
320
00:21:33,159 --> 00:21:36,929
NARRATOR: And so,
the story begins again.
321
00:22:19,739 --> 00:22:23,579
Hey, Mr. Gibbs...
Uh, Ben.
322
00:22:23,643 --> 00:22:27,083
Can I, uh... Can I talk
to you for a second?
323
00:22:27,146 --> 00:22:30,346
Listen, um, I wanted
to talk to you a little
bit about Jeannette.
324
00:22:30,417 --> 00:22:32,517
I'm... I'm having...
Yeah, Jeanette.
(MR. GIBBS MUMBLES)
325
00:22:32,585 --> 00:22:33,885
Yeah, you know who
I'm talking about.
326
00:22:33,953 --> 00:22:35,493
I've been having
a big problem with her.
327
00:22:37,990 --> 00:22:40,230
Mmm.
328
00:22:40,292 --> 00:22:43,532
It's 10:30 in the morning.
That's your third sandwich.
329
00:22:43,596 --> 00:22:45,226
She's a problem
for this company.
330
00:22:45,297 --> 00:22:46,997
I think she's a cancer that
needs to be cut out of Kipton.
331
00:22:47,066 --> 00:22:49,066
The color part... It's
not printing in color.
332
00:22:49,135 --> 00:22:51,365
Look, if you push
this again, it's...
333
00:22:51,438 --> 00:22:54,738
It doesn't seem to
actually connect with the
actual computer system...
334
00:22:54,807 --> 00:22:57,407
Raj, I though your people
were good at fixing stuff.
335
00:22:57,477 --> 00:23:00,007
Jeanette, what
does that mean?
336
00:23:00,079 --> 00:23:02,449
He's Indian, and Indians
are good at fixing stuff.
337
00:23:02,515 --> 00:23:04,175
(SCREAMING)
338
00:23:04,250 --> 00:23:06,750
All she does is
talk about herself.
339
00:23:06,819 --> 00:23:09,089
But I never felt it
until that Pap smear,
340
00:23:09,155 --> 00:23:12,215
and then he was, like,
"You have a tilted cervix."
341
00:23:12,291 --> 00:23:16,331
I think I should get my
own office, maybe one of
these glass front doors.
342
00:23:16,395 --> 00:23:21,365
The last time we talked
about this two years
ago, you ignored me.
343
00:23:21,434 --> 00:23:24,344
Oh, wanna hold hands?
344
00:23:24,403 --> 00:23:26,973
Is that what you're saying?
Do you wanna get a little
closer?
345
00:23:29,341 --> 00:23:30,641
You like that?
346
00:23:30,710 --> 00:23:32,110
That feel good?
347
00:23:33,980 --> 00:23:35,480
I just really
want a raise.
348
00:23:36,583 --> 00:23:38,123
We could go somewhere.
349
00:23:40,853 --> 00:23:43,323
Oh, Mr. Gibbs.
350
00:23:43,389 --> 00:23:46,889
(WHISPERING) I can't do
this with you, can I?
Even though I want to.
351
00:23:48,628 --> 00:23:50,458
Oh, you like that
when I do that, huh?
352
00:23:51,731 --> 00:23:54,201
Oh!
(MR. GIBBS CRIES)
353
00:24:04,443 --> 00:24:07,213
You have no idea
how long I've
wanted to do this.
354
00:24:12,652 --> 00:24:15,092
Gail? Are you kidding me?
355
00:24:15,988 --> 00:24:17,188
I'm going to HR.
356
00:24:24,096 --> 00:24:25,826
This wasn't a mistake,
was it?
357
00:24:46,085 --> 00:24:48,655
Oh, I gotta tell you,
while we were sitting
here watching porn,
358
00:24:48,721 --> 00:24:52,561
we really screwed the
pooch on that one, and I
don't mind saying it.
359
00:24:52,625 --> 00:24:56,095
After all, honesty is
the best policy,
360
00:24:56,162 --> 00:24:59,072
unless you're talking
to the cops or your wife.
361
00:24:59,131 --> 00:25:02,101
Also, your accountant.
That's not a good time
to be honest either.
362
00:25:02,168 --> 00:25:04,738
You know, I lie to
people about my name
from time to time.
363
00:25:04,804 --> 00:25:07,514
And, of course, during
a sales pitch. You never
want to be honest there.
364
00:25:07,574 --> 00:25:12,954
(CHUCKLES)
Eh, it is the best policy,
generally, keeping it honest.
365
00:25:13,012 --> 00:25:14,512
And I'll see
you next time.
366
00:25:16,448 --> 00:25:17,618
Perhaps.
27509
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