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1
00:00:12,080 --> 00:00:15,380
Is this... What purpose
does a sandbag serve?
I wanna be a cheetah.
2
00:00:15,449 --> 00:00:17,149
Are the bars necessary?
3
00:00:17,218 --> 00:00:19,088
You're not
mad at me,
are you?
4
00:00:28,596 --> 00:00:31,796
I'm a lion and
I eat monkeys.
5
00:00:32,766 --> 00:00:34,766
(SCREAMING)
6
00:00:34,835 --> 00:00:37,635
That's the only thing
I love is monkey meat.
7
00:00:37,705 --> 00:00:39,665
(GROWLING)
8
00:00:51,619 --> 00:00:55,589
There's a cold breeze blowing
through Hollywood these days.
9
00:00:55,656 --> 00:00:58,426
You can feel it
everywhere. People
are scared.
10
00:00:58,492 --> 00:01:00,732
The Internet has
changed things.
11
00:01:00,794 --> 00:01:03,164
The old models aren't
working anymore.
12
00:01:03,231 --> 00:01:06,471
Advertisers are holding
back, waiting to see where
the chips are gonna fall.
13
00:01:06,534 --> 00:01:11,844
Television executives who once
got fat sucking off the milky
tits of network largesse...
14
00:01:11,905 --> 00:01:14,065
Thank you, baby.
15
00:01:14,142 --> 00:01:17,652
Now they're on the streets
looking at hefty mortgages
and overdue car payments.
16
00:01:17,711 --> 00:01:21,451
There's blood in the
water, and it's only
gonna get worse.
17
00:01:21,515 --> 00:01:25,415
More and more people are
going straight to their
computers for entertainment.
18
00:01:25,486 --> 00:01:29,986
So, where does this leave
the cable guys, the TV
guys, the big studios?
19
00:01:30,057 --> 00:01:31,857
Well, let me
put it this way.
20
00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:34,055
There's a lot of
pants shitting going
on out there right now.
21
00:01:34,128 --> 00:01:35,728
A lot of people
are hurting.
22
00:01:35,796 --> 00:01:38,396
It's a great time for a fast,
new company with low overhead
23
00:01:38,466 --> 00:01:39,596
to swoop in
and make a buck.
24
00:01:39,667 --> 00:01:42,437
(CHUCKLES)
Opportunistic...
25
00:01:42,503 --> 00:01:43,943
Uncaring...
26
00:01:44,004 --> 00:01:47,444
Cheap. That's who we
are at Funny or Die.
27
00:01:47,508 --> 00:01:49,208
And here's what we do.
28
00:02:16,003 --> 00:02:18,613
FEMALE NARRATOR: Tonight on
Funny or Die Presents...
29
00:02:18,672 --> 00:02:20,812
Do You Want to
See a Dead Body?
30
00:02:20,874 --> 00:02:24,144
With special guest,
Ben Stiller.
31
00:02:25,179 --> 00:02:28,149
(SIGHS)
Brick Novax's Diary.
32
00:02:28,216 --> 00:02:33,186
Tim and Eric's Animal Choices
with John C. Reilly
and Wilbur Ferrell.
33
00:02:33,254 --> 00:02:38,194
And the Amazing
Adventures of
David & Jennie.
34
00:02:42,896 --> 00:02:45,896
I don't know how the
game is, 'cause I'm lost.
35
00:02:45,966 --> 00:02:48,566
Well, then don't chew Doritos
when I'm talking to you, okay?
36
00:02:48,636 --> 00:02:50,166
No, no. If you say
I should have a GPS,
37
00:02:50,238 --> 00:02:51,738
I assume that then
you're gonna follow-up
on that.
38
00:02:51,805 --> 00:02:53,865
I wouldn't even know
what a GPS looks like.
39
00:02:57,110 --> 00:02:58,410
Hey, Ben.
40
00:02:58,479 --> 00:03:00,209
Hey.
Hey, it's me, Rob.
41
00:03:00,281 --> 00:03:02,221
Rob, hey.
Yeah, how's
it going?
42
00:03:02,283 --> 00:03:05,053
I'm good. How
are you doing?
Who are you
talking to?
43
00:03:05,118 --> 00:03:06,688
My numskull
assistant, Reggie.
44
00:03:06,754 --> 00:03:08,694
Oh, Reggie's great.
I'll call you back.
45
00:03:08,756 --> 00:03:10,656
Why are you in
this part of town?
46
00:03:10,724 --> 00:03:12,834
I was trying to go to
the Laker game and, uh,
you know...
47
00:03:12,893 --> 00:03:14,533
Oh, we're not close.
48
00:03:14,595 --> 00:03:15,795
Do you know where
it is, 'cause I...
49
00:03:15,863 --> 00:03:18,133
Hey, let me ask
you a question.
Yeah.
50
00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:19,768
Do you wanna see
a dead body?
51
00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:28,080
Not much further now.
52
00:03:28,141 --> 00:03:30,111
Why am I blindfolded?
Please don't
take that off.
53
00:03:30,177 --> 00:03:32,777
It's just better if
you don't know exactly
where you're going.
54
00:03:32,846 --> 00:03:34,516
You smell that?
55
00:03:34,582 --> 00:03:36,552
We had a bunch of gas
back here last night.
We were having a party.
56
00:03:36,617 --> 00:03:38,787
You know what?
I get carsick if
I don't sit forward.
57
00:03:38,852 --> 00:03:41,462
Oh, you are. You're
facing the front.
58
00:03:41,522 --> 00:03:44,262
Really?
Yeah, you're
facing the front.
59
00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:47,225
Rob, if we go
by STAPLES...
60
00:03:47,295 --> 00:03:49,325
If it's cool with you,
I'd rather just get out
and go to the game...
61
00:03:49,397 --> 00:03:52,467
Yeah, yeah. If we go
right by there, I'd just
love to drop you off.
62
00:03:52,533 --> 00:03:54,003
(CELL PHONE RINGS)
63
00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:55,467
Hello?
64
00:03:55,536 --> 00:03:58,206
Reggie, what's up?
You're there?
65
00:03:58,272 --> 00:04:01,072
Meet me at will call...
When are we gonna be there,
like 10 minutes?
66
00:04:01,141 --> 00:04:02,841
Uh, yeah, sure.
67
00:04:02,910 --> 00:04:04,240
He's saying like
10 minutes or
something like that.
68
00:04:04,312 --> 00:04:05,452
Tell him I said, "Hi."
69
00:04:05,513 --> 00:04:06,713
How is his dong?
70
00:04:06,780 --> 00:04:09,680
(LAUGHING)
How's my dong?
71
00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:12,750
He's laughing.
Tell him it's
long and strong.
72
00:04:12,820 --> 00:04:13,650
Long and strong.
73
00:04:13,721 --> 00:04:15,361
(LAUGHING)
That was good.
74
00:04:15,423 --> 00:04:18,633
Yeah, I'm not
gonna do this.
I gotta go. Bye.
75
00:04:18,692 --> 00:04:22,002
So, I'm up for this Olive
Garden commercial.
Mmm-hmm.
76
00:04:22,062 --> 00:04:23,932
You been going out
on any auditions
or anything?
77
00:04:26,199 --> 00:04:30,139
No, I don't really...
I don't audition too
much anymore.
78
00:04:30,203 --> 00:04:33,043
How do I get that
going? That sounds
like a... Oh, shit.
79
00:04:34,875 --> 00:04:36,275
Be cool.
80
00:04:40,348 --> 00:04:43,548
Hey guys. Uh, can you
guys tell me where the
STAPLES Center is?
81
00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:45,517
STAPLES Center?
I wish I knew.
STAPLES Center...
82
00:04:45,586 --> 00:04:47,656
It is something that
we're looking for also.
Yeah.
83
00:04:47,721 --> 00:04:49,591
All right, well,
thanks, guys.
ROB: Thanks, man.
84
00:04:49,657 --> 00:04:51,987
See ya later.
All right. Okay.
85
00:04:52,059 --> 00:04:56,399
It's funny, I feel...
I know, I feel bad,
'cause I got like nervous.
86
00:04:56,464 --> 00:04:59,134
A black guy is not just
immediately a robber.
87
00:04:59,199 --> 00:05:01,699
Oh, I forgot.
Give me your mother
fucking wallets.
88
00:05:06,907 --> 00:05:09,507
Ugh. I'm out 60
bucks, man.
89
00:05:09,577 --> 00:05:11,007
How about 10,000
fucking bucks?
90
00:05:13,013 --> 00:05:14,883
$10,000?
91
00:05:20,421 --> 00:05:21,821
You're not mad
at me, are you?
92
00:05:29,229 --> 00:05:30,829
Oh, check it out.
What?
93
00:05:30,898 --> 00:05:32,728
Someone spray-painted
a dick on the wall.
94
00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:35,670
I don't wanna...
You know what?
That's not cool. Okay?
95
00:05:35,736 --> 00:05:37,406
It's a dick.
96
00:05:37,471 --> 00:05:39,711
Rob, I don't
give a shit.
Okay?
97
00:05:39,773 --> 00:05:40,973
What are you mad at?
What were you...
98
00:05:41,041 --> 00:05:43,741
I'm mad at you for
wasting my time!
99
00:05:43,811 --> 00:05:45,651
Ooh, we're gonna
see a dead body.
100
00:05:45,713 --> 00:05:47,723
Ooh, what are we
fucking eight?
101
00:05:47,781 --> 00:05:50,851
Ow! Shit.
What?
102
00:05:50,918 --> 00:05:53,248
What happened?
I fucking
twisted my ankle.
103
00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:54,960
God. Shit.
Stay here.
104
00:05:55,022 --> 00:05:56,092
Don't make any noise.
105
00:05:56,156 --> 00:05:57,986
Just be really quiet.
What're you doing?
106
00:05:58,058 --> 00:06:00,388
Be quiet. I'll be back.
No, come back!
107
00:06:00,461 --> 00:06:01,801
Fuck!
108
00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:05,672
Oh, thank God.
Thank God.
I need help.
109
00:06:05,733 --> 00:06:07,703
(PANTING)
My friend,
I need help.
110
00:06:07,768 --> 00:06:11,438
I'll help you, baby.
I'll put your balls
in my mouth.
111
00:06:15,409 --> 00:06:17,079
Why not?
112
00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:23,415
What took you so long?
113
00:06:23,484 --> 00:06:25,054
Don't worry about it.
114
00:06:36,196 --> 00:06:37,926
Oh.
115
00:06:37,998 --> 00:06:41,638
I didn't think we were
actually gonna find
a real dead body.
116
00:06:41,702 --> 00:06:43,602
I thought it was gonna
be like, you know...
117
00:06:43,671 --> 00:06:45,941
You and I go
looking for this
118
00:06:46,006 --> 00:06:49,176
thing that we never find,
but in the journey
of looking for it,
119
00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:52,582
we were gonna form
some sort of unlikely
friendship and, you know,
120
00:06:52,646 --> 00:06:56,146
we'd learn some other lesson
that had nothing to do with
actually seeing a corpse.
121
00:06:56,216 --> 00:06:57,916
That did happen.
122
00:06:57,985 --> 00:07:00,185
No, it didn't.
123
00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:03,093
We should go get
a closer look.
I'm not going to.
124
00:07:03,156 --> 00:07:04,926
Yeah, you are.
125
00:07:04,992 --> 00:07:08,732
Rob, that's disgusting.
You shouldn't...
The water's...
126
00:07:09,897 --> 00:07:11,097
Oh!
127
00:07:12,533 --> 00:07:14,003
(COUGHING)
I gotta go.
128
00:07:14,067 --> 00:07:15,997
This is beautiful.
It's not.
It's horrible.
129
00:07:16,069 --> 00:07:19,409
Come on...
This is beautiful.
This is life!
130
00:07:19,473 --> 00:07:21,243
This is not your
Hollywood bubble.
131
00:07:21,308 --> 00:07:24,078
What're you talking
about? I'm not...
This is important!
132
00:07:24,144 --> 00:07:25,384
We owe it to this guy.
133
00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:28,115
No, we don't.
We don't know him.
He's dead.
134
00:07:28,181 --> 00:07:29,521
You're dead!
135
00:07:29,583 --> 00:07:31,223
What are you doing
with your life right now?
136
00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:33,024
What? Get it together?
Is that what you're
telling me?
137
00:07:33,086 --> 00:07:35,186
You're gonna
give me a speech,
like everybody else?
138
00:07:35,255 --> 00:07:38,725
Get your shit together.
I got my shit together!
139
00:07:39,593 --> 00:07:41,433
Look at him.
140
00:07:41,495 --> 00:07:42,595
No, Rob, don't touch him.
141
00:07:42,663 --> 00:07:44,163
No, no, no,
what are you doing?
142
00:07:44,231 --> 00:07:46,371
(GRUNTS LOUDLY)
That's horrible.
Don't do that.
143
00:07:46,433 --> 00:07:48,873
Just leave it alone.
144
00:07:48,936 --> 00:07:52,936
(SCREAMING)
145
00:07:53,607 --> 00:07:55,607
We owe it to him.
146
00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:01,923
I'm so sorry.
147
00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:06,722
I just wanted my friend,
Ben Stiller, to see you.
148
00:08:09,189 --> 00:08:14,489
Ben, look upon
him. Please?
Look upon him!
149
00:08:15,596 --> 00:08:17,196
This is you
in one month!
150
00:09:21,595 --> 00:09:23,355
NOVAX: My name...
151
00:09:23,430 --> 00:09:25,000
Brick Novax.
152
00:09:33,006 --> 00:09:35,876
I'm known for two things.
153
00:09:35,943 --> 00:09:42,653
My many heroic exploits
and my legendary
prodigious substance intake.
154
00:09:42,716 --> 00:09:45,916
Now, with two weeks
left to live,
155
00:09:45,986 --> 00:09:48,456
I've holed up here
in the Clyde Motel
156
00:09:48,521 --> 00:09:51,931
to record my memories
and preserve my legacy.
157
00:09:52,660 --> 00:09:54,290
This is my life.
158
00:09:54,361 --> 00:09:55,561
This is
159
00:09:55,629 --> 00:09:58,099
Brick Novax's Diary.
160
00:10:08,508 --> 00:10:10,338
(TAPE RECORDER CLICKS)
161
00:10:16,684 --> 00:10:18,954
This is another
entry in my diary.
162
00:10:19,019 --> 00:10:22,019
I wanna talk about
some time ago, when
163
00:10:22,089 --> 00:10:24,689
I was the biggest
folk singer in the world.
164
00:10:24,758 --> 00:10:27,898
* You've got to
always be yourself
165
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:33,469
* Don't put your
dreams up on a shelf
166
00:10:33,533 --> 00:10:38,413
* They'll say that you
got to pretend
167
00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:42,511
* But remember the dolphins
are our friends *
168
00:10:42,575 --> 00:10:46,105
My song about dolphin
awareness was an
overnight sensation.
169
00:10:46,179 --> 00:10:53,319
It was beloved the world over
by men, women, children
and not surprisingly dolphins.
170
00:10:53,386 --> 00:10:54,756
(DOLPHIN CLICKING)
171
00:10:54,822 --> 00:10:57,022
I was immediately
contacted by Flip Michaels,
172
00:10:57,090 --> 00:10:59,630
controversial manager
of the Go-Go Swingers.
173
00:10:59,693 --> 00:11:01,233
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
174
00:11:01,294 --> 00:11:04,064
What would you say
if I were to tell you
175
00:11:04,131 --> 00:11:07,801
I could secure you a slot on
The Trip Michaels' Show?
176
00:11:07,868 --> 00:11:10,268
NOVAX: Trip Michaels was
Flip's twin brother.
177
00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:12,867
The Trip Michaels' Show was
the biggest show in the biz.
178
00:11:12,940 --> 00:11:15,140
And I mean any biz,
friends of mine.
179
00:11:15,208 --> 00:11:16,978
I quickly signed
the contracts,
180
00:11:17,044 --> 00:11:18,384
then Trip showed me
his collection of
(GUN FIRES)
181
00:11:18,445 --> 00:11:20,075
big game trophies.
(DOLPHIN CLICKS)
182
00:11:20,147 --> 00:11:22,317
Holy. God damn. Fuck.
183
00:11:22,382 --> 00:11:27,122
All you have to
do is sing my song,
Dolphins Are Overrated.
184
00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:30,957
And you're guaranteed
to be a legend.
185
00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:34,904
NOVAX: The contracts were
iron-clad so he had me
over a barrel
186
00:11:34,962 --> 00:11:37,532
like a wet monkey
in a rented squirrel suit.
187
00:11:37,597 --> 00:11:40,967
Hours before the show,
I decided to have a
Chupacabra 14
188
00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:45,214
at my favorite bar,
The Intoxication Station.
189
00:11:45,272 --> 00:11:46,642
Hey, stranger.
190
00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:49,106
NOVAX: It was legendary soul
singer, Maxine Staton.
191
00:11:49,176 --> 00:11:51,176
She'd seen her
share of troubles.
192
00:11:51,244 --> 00:11:53,484
Don't you have a show
to do, brother man?
193
00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:55,416
Affirmative, sister.
194
00:11:55,482 --> 00:11:58,492
But I seemed to be
caught between a bolder
and an unbreakable region.
195
00:11:58,551 --> 00:12:00,051
I spilled her my yon,
196
00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:03,160
how Flip Michaels tricked
me into singing his tune,
197
00:12:03,223 --> 00:12:06,893
that there was absolutely
zero that this cat could do.
198
00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:09,500
There's always something
you could do, my brother.
199
00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:15,142
* 'Cause if you're
in the wrong situation
200
00:12:15,202 --> 00:12:21,342
* Remember, baby, life
is your own creation *
201
00:12:21,408 --> 00:12:23,838
Right on. That's all
I needed to hear.
202
00:12:23,911 --> 00:12:26,751
Uh, Mr. Novax,
welcome to the program.
203
00:12:26,814 --> 00:12:30,884
Now before you sing
you're newest song,
Dolphins are Overrated...
204
00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:32,721
I'm not singing
any fucking song.
205
00:12:32,786 --> 00:12:34,046
What? I don't
understand.
206
00:12:34,121 --> 00:12:36,461
Oh, I think you
do, superstar.
207
00:12:36,523 --> 00:12:39,133
You and your brother
seem to think this
world runs on money.
208
00:12:39,192 --> 00:12:42,632
Well, maybe that's true,
but that doesn't mean
I have to sing a song
209
00:12:42,695 --> 00:12:47,265
that denigrates the rights
of dolphins simply to make
a buck or advance my career.
210
00:12:47,334 --> 00:12:50,344
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDS)
You, sir, are a
phony and a fake,
211
00:12:50,403 --> 00:12:52,013
and so is your brother.
212
00:12:52,072 --> 00:12:55,512
Sir, I will kindly ask you
to leave this program.
213
00:12:55,575 --> 00:12:59,105
(AUDIENCE BOOS)
Just like that I was
out of showbiz forever.
214
00:13:02,682 --> 00:13:07,052
Flip Michaels saw to it that
I never recorded another note
commercially in my life.
215
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:11,220
But that's okay,
chums, because even
if you're sitting down,
216
00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:14,661
sometimes you gotta stand up
for what you believe in.
217
00:13:14,727 --> 00:13:19,627
You miss those moments and
you miss out on the whole
enchilada of existence.
218
00:13:19,699 --> 00:13:23,169
That's it for this entry
of Brick Novax's diary.
219
00:13:26,073 --> 00:13:28,443
(SAXOPHONE PLAYS)
220
00:14:08,315 --> 00:14:14,415
Did you know there were
265 bones in the human body?
221
00:14:15,688 --> 00:14:18,188
Would you like one more?
222
00:14:18,258 --> 00:14:19,258
Huh?
223
00:14:27,467 --> 00:14:28,467
(CHUCKLES)
224
00:14:29,536 --> 00:14:30,536
Cheer up.
225
00:14:38,345 --> 00:14:39,345
(SIGHS)
226
00:14:42,815 --> 00:14:45,345
Hey, John.
What are
you doing?
227
00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:48,456
I'm thinking
about something.
228
00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:51,062
Can you share
it with me?
229
00:14:51,124 --> 00:14:54,334
I'm trying to decide
230
00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:57,864
what kind of animal
I would be if I could
be an animal.
231
00:14:57,931 --> 00:15:00,101
That's what
everyone's thinking!
232
00:15:00,167 --> 00:15:01,867
Let's just both
think out loud.
233
00:15:01,935 --> 00:15:02,835
What sort of animal
we'd like to be?
234
00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:04,602
Exactly.
Okay.
235
00:15:04,671 --> 00:15:06,911
(BOTH MUMBLING)
236
00:15:06,974 --> 00:15:09,044
The snake
or baby snake.
237
00:15:09,109 --> 00:15:10,979
Horse. Pony.
A mouse with a pouch.
238
00:15:11,044 --> 00:15:12,184
Any sort of fish.
Zebra!
239
00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:14,105
Zebra!
No, I said...
240
00:15:14,181 --> 00:15:16,221
Zebra!
Zebra.
241
00:15:16,283 --> 00:15:18,593
Are you gonna
say the animal?
Don't say it...
242
00:15:18,651 --> 00:15:20,791
Baboon!
243
00:15:20,853 --> 00:15:22,793
Barbara, the
name, Barbara.
244
00:15:22,855 --> 00:15:24,385
We're not getting anywhere.
245
00:15:24,457 --> 00:15:26,027
It's literally
the hardest thing
I've ever done.
246
00:15:26,093 --> 00:15:27,433
I know!
247
00:15:27,494 --> 00:15:28,834
(WINCING)
248
00:15:28,895 --> 00:15:31,025
(SIGHING)
(GROWLING)
249
00:15:42,409 --> 00:15:45,149
* I'm a monkey
I'm a little, little monkey
250
00:15:45,212 --> 00:15:47,052
* I like to jump around
I like to look
251
00:15:47,114 --> 00:15:51,054
* Down from my high up
on the tree post
(GROWLS)
252
00:15:51,118 --> 00:15:52,548
* I like to eat fruit
253
00:15:52,619 --> 00:15:55,459
(CHOMPING)
I'm a little monkey.
(GIGGLING)
254
00:15:58,725 --> 00:16:02,055
* I'm a lion and
I eat monkeys
255
00:16:02,129 --> 00:16:04,599
(SCREAMING)
256
00:16:04,664 --> 00:16:08,344
* That's the only thing
I love is monkey meat
257
00:16:10,203 --> 00:16:14,643
* But I love when they cry
when they're in my teeth *
258
00:16:14,707 --> 00:16:18,207
Is this... What purpose does
the sandbag serve?
I wanna be a cheetah.
259
00:16:18,278 --> 00:16:19,748
Are the bars
necessary?
260
00:16:19,812 --> 00:16:21,312
It's called being keyed out.
261
00:16:21,381 --> 00:16:23,021
And we're in an
animated world, and...
262
00:16:23,083 --> 00:16:24,823
Yes.
You're the animals and the
animated world's behind you.
263
00:16:24,884 --> 00:16:26,324
You have to
be very steady.
264
00:16:26,386 --> 00:16:28,256
WILL: Okay.
Couldn't we have
something that was
265
00:16:28,321 --> 00:16:31,361
the same color that
wasn't 15 pounds?
Yeah, like a piece of paper...
266
00:16:31,424 --> 00:16:34,564
You know what
happens then?
It sags.
267
00:16:34,627 --> 00:16:36,957
All right. Should we
take a run at it?
268
00:16:37,030 --> 00:16:38,600
DIRECTOR: And action!
269
00:16:38,665 --> 00:16:39,765
Now, guess what?
270
00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:42,042
I'm gonna shit that
monkey out of my ass.
271
00:16:42,102 --> 00:16:43,672
(GROWLING)
272
00:16:45,638 --> 00:16:47,968
(SPITTING)
273
00:16:48,041 --> 00:16:50,911
I'm a little monkey.
(LAUGHING)
274
00:16:50,977 --> 00:16:52,547
I'm gonna eat
you up again.
275
00:16:52,612 --> 00:16:54,282
(LAUGHING)
276
00:16:57,484 --> 00:17:00,224
* I've got
an appetite for monkeys
277
00:17:01,588 --> 00:17:03,988
* All day long,
I eat and shit monkeys
278
00:17:04,057 --> 00:17:08,057
* All day long, 'cause
I'm a king of the beasts
279
00:17:11,131 --> 00:17:13,631
* Thus is the cycle of life *
280
00:17:21,308 --> 00:17:23,038
I'm a little monkey.
281
00:17:23,110 --> 00:17:25,150
(LAUGHING)
282
00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:27,646
(GROWLING)
283
00:17:27,714 --> 00:17:29,124
(CONTINUES LAUGHING)
284
00:18:25,805 --> 00:18:27,805
I knew this kid who...
(DOORBELL RINGS)
285
00:18:27,874 --> 00:18:29,284
I'll get it.
286
00:18:31,978 --> 00:18:33,578
Hello, How are you?
287
00:18:33,646 --> 00:18:37,746
(CHUCKLES) Hello.
I will take two thin mints
and them digits.
288
00:18:37,817 --> 00:18:40,317
He's not a Girl Scout,
you chauncey.
289
00:18:40,387 --> 00:18:43,357
He's here because he saw
my ad on Craigslist.
290
00:18:43,423 --> 00:18:49,203
As promised, this Captain
Buttfist first issue is in
nearly mint condition.
291
00:18:49,262 --> 00:18:51,332
That's... That is
not why I'm here.
292
00:18:51,398 --> 00:18:55,568
Huh?
Do you two ever think about
what happens after we die?
293
00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:56,665
All the time.
294
00:19:04,711 --> 00:19:08,521
What's wrong?
Nothing.
Everything's fine.
295
00:19:08,581 --> 00:19:10,581
You just seem
a little bit distant.
296
00:19:16,055 --> 00:19:17,285
No.
Okay.
297
00:19:22,562 --> 00:19:24,832
Oh, Abe.
298
00:19:24,897 --> 00:19:28,797
Um... What if Jesus
came back tonight?
299
00:19:28,868 --> 00:19:29,838
What time, like 8:00?
300
00:19:29,902 --> 00:19:32,312
Can we make it like 7:00?
301
00:19:32,372 --> 00:19:35,942
Uh, sure, sure. If Jesus
came at 7:00 tonight,
302
00:19:36,809 --> 00:19:38,309
where would you go?
303
00:19:38,378 --> 00:19:40,448
Oh, definitely
Gabe and Mustard's.
304
00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:42,253
No doubt about it.
305
00:19:42,315 --> 00:19:45,145
Gabe and Mustard's
is the place to be!
306
00:19:45,218 --> 00:19:48,658
They've got the
coolest games.
307
00:19:48,721 --> 00:19:49,991
BOTH: Score!
308
00:19:50,056 --> 00:19:52,686
I love the friendly staff.
309
00:19:52,759 --> 00:19:53,959
I get off at 8:00.
310
00:19:55,428 --> 00:19:58,768
(WHISPERING)
But best of all
and my favorite.
311
00:19:58,831 --> 00:20:02,541
ALL: The Prize Hall!
312
00:20:02,602 --> 00:20:05,002
* Gabe and Mustard's and you *
313
00:20:05,071 --> 00:20:07,571
And me?
That's what I said!
314
00:20:13,313 --> 00:20:16,283
Um, I'm gonna have the
moo shu chicken chops.
315
00:20:16,349 --> 00:20:18,449
And for you, David?
316
00:20:18,518 --> 00:20:22,218
Um, I'm going to have
one of everything.
317
00:20:27,093 --> 00:20:31,663
No, I'm gonna have
Gabe's flaky steaks and...
318
00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:33,001
Say it.
319
00:20:33,933 --> 00:20:35,273
Also...
320
00:20:36,035 --> 00:20:37,235
Your
321
00:20:39,038 --> 00:20:42,478
phone... Favorite side dish.
What's your favorite side
dish on here?
322
00:20:42,542 --> 00:20:46,452
Um, I'm a big fan of the
cheese gobblers, with
Gabe's secret knob sauce.
323
00:20:46,513 --> 00:20:50,523
Mmm. That sounds real
good. I'm gonna have
that. That's perfect.
324
00:20:51,918 --> 00:20:53,748
Thank you.
Thank you, Sandra.
Thanks, Sandra.
325
00:20:54,854 --> 00:20:56,664
David, you gotta
get them digits!
326
00:20:56,723 --> 00:20:58,293
I know.
What are
you waiting for?
327
00:20:58,358 --> 00:21:02,328
I'm waiting for the right time
and when that time comes...
328
00:21:02,395 --> 00:21:06,195
Look out, because
I'm gonna seize it.
329
00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:09,995
Speaking of time,
that Jesus guy is crazy
tardy for the party.
330
00:21:10,069 --> 00:21:11,239
(LAUGHING)
331
00:21:11,304 --> 00:21:14,614
Oh, oh, oh.
It's like my wiener.
332
00:21:14,674 --> 00:21:17,144
Please get
away from me.
333
00:21:17,209 --> 00:21:19,349
Oh, what's happening?
Oh, where's it gonna go?
(PANTING)
334
00:21:19,412 --> 00:21:20,782
Do you wanna squeeze
my mustard bottle?
335
00:21:20,847 --> 00:21:22,547
Come on, give it
a little squeeze.
336
00:21:22,615 --> 00:21:25,175
Oh, are you having
an asthma attack?
I have an inhaler.
337
00:21:25,251 --> 00:21:27,391
No, just getting
pumped up.
338
00:21:27,454 --> 00:21:29,524
Oh, cool for
video games?
339
00:21:30,590 --> 00:21:31,790
For confrontation.
Don't worry.
340
00:21:31,858 --> 00:21:34,228
Oh, okay. Don't do
something dumb.
341
00:21:34,293 --> 00:21:36,263
Okay, just no.
Get away from me.
I like the way
your body looks.
342
00:21:36,329 --> 00:21:38,399
Hey, hey, cut that out!
Are you all right?
343
00:21:38,465 --> 00:21:40,795
No.
Hey, I'll say when
she's all right!
344
00:21:40,867 --> 00:21:42,197
Who are you
supposed to be, guy?
345
00:21:42,268 --> 00:21:43,438
I'm your worst
nightmare.
346
00:21:43,503 --> 00:21:44,743
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
347
00:21:44,804 --> 00:21:46,344
Well, you
don't look like
a velociraptor.
348
00:21:46,406 --> 00:21:48,336
Wow, this is really great
for me. You don't understand.
349
00:21:48,408 --> 00:21:52,238
I've always wanted
to meet the guy who put
the "turd" in mustard.
350
00:21:52,311 --> 00:21:55,651
Well, now you've met
the man who puts the
"turd" in mustard!
351
00:21:55,715 --> 00:21:59,015
Me! I put my turds
in mustard.
352
00:22:01,253 --> 00:22:04,923
What's your point?
My point is that you've got
two options here, buddy.
353
00:22:04,991 --> 00:22:06,731
Oh? List 'em.
List all of 'em.
All right...
354
00:22:06,793 --> 00:22:08,663
One, you get your butt...
355
00:22:08,728 --> 00:22:10,458
Is one of your
options? Huh?
356
00:22:10,530 --> 00:22:11,930
Oh, and here's
another option!
357
00:22:11,998 --> 00:22:16,398
I've got two options
for you! Oh.
Whoa!
358
00:22:16,469 --> 00:22:18,609
SANDRA: Oh, my
god. He's dead.
359
00:22:24,644 --> 00:22:27,214
Where am I?
You're in
heaven, David.
360
00:22:27,279 --> 00:22:29,479
Heaven? No.
361
00:22:29,549 --> 00:22:31,619
Can I go back?
362
00:22:31,684 --> 00:22:33,624
Why would you
wanna go back?
363
00:22:33,686 --> 00:22:35,046
I'm in love
with someone.
364
00:22:44,597 --> 00:22:45,997
I completely understand.
365
00:22:48,601 --> 00:22:50,341
You're emancipated.
366
00:22:50,403 --> 00:22:51,603
Thank you.
367
00:23:12,759 --> 00:23:16,359
That body cannot
tell a lie.
368
00:23:16,429 --> 00:23:17,929
SANDRA: David?
369
00:23:20,166 --> 00:23:21,526
David?
370
00:23:22,635 --> 00:23:24,165
David, are you okay?
371
00:23:25,638 --> 00:23:28,638
No, I'm not okay.
372
00:23:28,708 --> 00:23:31,538
You gotta give me
them digits, Sandra.
373
00:23:31,611 --> 00:23:34,011
I thought you'd never ask.
374
00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:37,380
Now, that's what
I'm talking about.
375
00:23:37,450 --> 00:23:40,150
And this is what
I'm talking about.
376
00:23:40,219 --> 00:23:44,889
Here at Gabe and Mustard's,
every Monday is fun day.
377
00:23:44,957 --> 00:23:47,557
Wear a hat and get
a free game card.
378
00:23:49,696 --> 00:23:52,196
BOTH: Making baskets!
379
00:23:52,264 --> 00:23:53,634
Yes!
380
00:23:53,700 --> 00:23:57,240
ALL: Gabe and Mustard's
and you!
381
00:23:57,303 --> 00:23:58,543
And me?
382
00:23:59,672 --> 00:24:01,072
MUSTARD BOTTLE:
Yes, you Jesus.
383
00:24:01,140 --> 00:24:03,710
We just said Gabe
and Mustard's and you.
384
00:24:03,776 --> 00:24:06,606
You know what?
I quit! I quit!
385
00:24:18,825 --> 00:24:22,655
We did it. See you
next week. (CHUCKLES)
29404
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