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1
00:00:01,960 --> 00:00:03,837
[Blair] Previously on
"Black Monday"...
2
00:00:03,878 --> 00:00:04,754
Roger!
3
00:00:04,796 --> 00:00:07,799
dramatic music
4
00:00:09,509 --> 00:00:11,177
So you're really
going all in, huh?
5
00:00:11,219 --> 00:00:12,804
Bought the ring,
closed on the house.
6
00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:15,098
So I hear you're having
a little cash flow problem.
7
00:00:15,140 --> 00:00:16,474
What would you say
if you could fix it
8
00:00:16,516 --> 00:00:19,019
by working with Blair's most
hated rivals in the process?
9
00:00:19,060 --> 00:00:20,729
You gotta sell your soul.
10
00:00:20,770 --> 00:00:23,106
[Lare] If Pfaffashions
goes public without a hitch,
11
00:00:23,148 --> 00:00:25,567
KokoMo Co Records stays yours.
12
00:00:25,608 --> 00:00:26,776
To you gettin' out
of the clink.
13
00:00:26,818 --> 00:00:28,611
[both laugh]
14
00:00:28,653 --> 00:00:30,822
Mo! You came!
15
00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:32,115
There's something
I've been dying to ask you.
16
00:00:32,157 --> 00:00:33,742
-[Dawn] Can it wait?
-Hmm? What?
17
00:00:33,783 --> 00:00:34,868
We've done enough talking.
18
00:00:34,909 --> 00:00:36,703
Get your ass in here.
19
00:00:39,247 --> 00:00:40,999
Janet Jackson's "Control"
20
00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:44,544
This is a story about control.
21
00:00:44,586 --> 00:00:46,796
My control.
22
00:00:46,838 --> 00:00:48,757
Control of what I say.
23
00:00:48,798 --> 00:00:51,843
Control of what I do.
24
00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:54,637
And this time,
I'm gonna do it my way.
25
00:00:54,679 --> 00:00:57,682
ethereal synth music
26
00:00:59,851 --> 00:01:03,855
I hope you enjoy this
as much as I do.
27
00:01:03,897 --> 00:01:06,149
Are we ready?
28
00:01:06,191 --> 00:01:07,692
I am.
29
00:01:07,734 --> 00:01:10,945
'Cause it's all about control.
30
00:01:10,987 --> 00:01:14,532
And I've got lots of it.
31
00:01:14,574 --> 00:01:17,327
upbeat synth music
32
00:01:17,368 --> 00:01:19,287
What the fuck?
33
00:01:19,329 --> 00:01:20,580
Guys, gather 'round.
34
00:01:20,622 --> 00:01:21,664
Quick! Quick! Quick!
35
00:01:21,706 --> 00:01:23,625
The only thing I ever
wanna see you eating
36
00:01:23,666 --> 00:01:24,501
is me out.
37
00:01:24,542 --> 00:01:26,377
Did you hear that, Jonathan?
38
00:01:26,419 --> 00:01:27,921
Is this a joke?
39
00:01:27,962 --> 00:01:29,964
A moment on the lips,
40
00:01:30,006 --> 00:01:31,800
a lifetime on the hips.
41
00:01:31,841 --> 00:01:33,009
You look like shit.
42
00:01:33,051 --> 00:01:34,636
Ladies, perfect.
43
00:01:34,677 --> 00:01:37,388
Gentlemen,
you could take a cue.
44
00:01:37,430 --> 00:01:39,182
Eyes down here.
45
00:01:39,224 --> 00:01:42,060
We have Topless Tuesdays
coming up...
46
00:01:43,144 --> 00:01:44,604
...and you're not ready.
47
00:01:45,522 --> 00:01:47,023
Mmm--ugh.
48
00:01:47,065 --> 00:01:48,566
This caviar tastes like dick.
49
00:01:48,608 --> 00:01:49,651
-Speaking of--
-Hey, Tiff.
50
00:01:49,692 --> 00:01:50,819
I don't know
how to say this, but--
51
00:01:50,860 --> 00:01:52,737
Sound it out, dummy.
52
00:01:52,779 --> 00:01:55,490
[both laughing]
53
00:01:55,532 --> 00:01:57,784
Sound...it...
54
00:01:57,826 --> 00:02:01,371
[both]
...out!
55
00:02:01,412 --> 00:02:03,456
[music stops]
56
00:02:07,794 --> 00:02:09,838
What the hell
are you doing here, Keith?
57
00:02:09,879 --> 00:02:12,132
Oh, me?
58
00:02:12,841 --> 00:02:16,094
What am I...doing here?
[chuckles]
59
00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:19,222
What am I doing here?
60
00:02:19,472 --> 00:02:23,810
What am I doing...
61
00:02:23,852 --> 00:02:25,061
here?
62
00:02:25,103 --> 00:02:26,146
-That's what we--
-That's what we asked.
63
00:02:26,187 --> 00:02:27,522
What are you doing here?
64
00:02:27,564 --> 00:02:29,899
It's simple. I'm here...
65
00:02:29,941 --> 00:02:32,735
to clean this fucking place up!
66
00:02:32,777 --> 00:02:35,071
[people gasping]
67
00:02:35,113 --> 00:02:37,240
Which I realize is confusing
68
00:02:37,282 --> 00:02:38,950
-based on the mess I just made.
-[scoffs]
69
00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:43,621
Point is, old Keithy
is finally in charge now,
70
00:02:43,663 --> 00:02:47,167
and it's about goddamn time.
71
00:02:47,208 --> 00:02:48,543
Seriously, Tiff,
I really need--
72
00:02:48,585 --> 00:02:50,879
Shut the fuck up, pretty boy.
73
00:02:50,920 --> 00:02:55,008
Pfaffashions goes public
in 12 weeks!
74
00:02:55,049 --> 00:02:57,552
It's my job to make this
75
00:02:57,594 --> 00:03:01,556
the hottest piece of ass...
76
00:03:01,598 --> 00:03:02,640
I have ever seen,
77
00:03:02,682 --> 00:03:05,018
that Wall street
has ever seen,
78
00:03:05,059 --> 00:03:06,102
financially speaking,
79
00:03:06,144 --> 00:03:08,813
so I'm here to trim the fat.
80
00:03:08,855 --> 00:03:10,273
You're a little late for that
81
00:03:10,315 --> 00:03:12,150
'cause we just had
that conversation.
82
00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:13,484
Thanks, but no thanks.
83
00:03:13,526 --> 00:03:15,653
We keep it pretty tight
around here--most of us.
84
00:03:15,695 --> 00:03:16,946
Oh, you're keeping it tight?
85
00:03:16,988 --> 00:03:19,908
With your Dom and your caviar.
86
00:03:19,949 --> 00:03:22,076
You don't know what tight is.
87
00:03:22,118 --> 00:03:25,830
I am gonna show you...
88
00:03:25,872 --> 00:03:28,124
the tightest thing
you have ever...
89
00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:30,210
-What's happening?
-...experienced in your life.
90
00:03:30,251 --> 00:03:32,337
Okay, all that to say
91
00:03:32,378 --> 00:03:37,592
we are not gonna waste
another single cent
92
00:03:37,634 --> 00:03:39,969
on fuckin' big...
93
00:03:40,011 --> 00:03:42,889
buffets...
94
00:03:42,931 --> 00:03:47,060
and that smoking-hot...
95
00:03:47,101 --> 00:03:49,687
chafing dishes, okay?
96
00:03:49,729 --> 00:03:51,898
The fuck are you talking about?
97
00:03:51,940 --> 00:03:52,941
I don't know, okay?
98
00:03:52,982 --> 00:03:54,108
Look, I practiced this at home
99
00:03:54,150 --> 00:03:55,318
last night
in front of the mirror.
100
00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:56,486
I did not expect
to be surrounded
101
00:03:56,527 --> 00:03:58,571
by a bunch of fucking
Playgirl Buddies.
102
00:03:58,613 --> 00:03:59,572
Guys, you gotta listen--
103
00:03:59,614 --> 00:04:00,949
-Shh!
-Zip.
104
00:04:01,366 --> 00:04:03,534
Tiff, you said the IPO was
gonna be a great thing for us.
105
00:04:03,576 --> 00:04:04,577
I know, and it is.
106
00:04:04,619 --> 00:04:07,789
-Let me handle this, Corkie.
-Okay. I'm getting worried.
107
00:04:07,830 --> 00:04:10,250
-Listen here, Queef.
-[Corkie laughs]
108
00:04:10,291 --> 00:04:13,336
This is our business,
and you're not the boss.
109
00:04:13,378 --> 00:04:15,755
-Au contraire. I am the boss.
-[scoffs]
110
00:04:15,797 --> 00:04:17,257
Why don't you peruse
that contract
111
00:04:17,298 --> 00:04:18,341
you signed
with Leighman Brothers
112
00:04:18,383 --> 00:04:19,884
when you decided to go public?
113
00:04:19,926 --> 00:04:22,512
'Cause it's gonna tell you,
you answer to me.
114
00:04:22,553 --> 00:04:24,722
-What?
-Look, Tiff, you gotta listen--
115
00:04:24,764 --> 00:04:26,140
[both]
What is it, Giancarlo?
116
00:04:26,182 --> 00:04:28,226
Blair's been shot,
and he's in a coma!
117
00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:31,437
-[Tiff gasps]
-I--oh, God.
118
00:04:32,939 --> 00:04:36,401
Huh. Was not expecting that.
119
00:04:39,237 --> 00:04:41,698
I have to go
to the hospital right now.
120
00:04:41,739 --> 00:04:43,533
And as much as I wanna continue
121
00:04:43,574 --> 00:04:45,952
this really important
conversation,
122
00:04:45,994 --> 00:04:47,870
I have to get
by Blair's bedside.
123
00:04:47,912 --> 00:04:49,706
Of course. Go.
124
00:04:49,747 --> 00:04:52,500
It's times like these...[sobs]
125
00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:56,212
...that make you realize, like,
how unimportant
126
00:04:56,254 --> 00:04:59,924
things like money
or saving money really are.
127
00:04:59,966 --> 00:05:01,009
Mmm.
128
00:05:01,050 --> 00:05:02,885
Fuck you, God! [sobs]
129
00:05:02,927 --> 00:05:04,846
I don't know
when I'm coming back!
130
00:05:04,887 --> 00:05:07,265
Blair!
131
00:05:09,058 --> 00:05:12,103
warm sentimental music
132
00:05:30,830 --> 00:05:32,498
Dawny.
133
00:05:33,958 --> 00:05:35,793
Dawn, Dawn, Dawn, Dawn.
134
00:05:36,586 --> 00:05:37,545
Dawn-Dawn.
135
00:05:37,587 --> 00:05:39,547
-Dawn-Dawn Dawn-Dawn-Dawn-Dawn.
-[groans]
136
00:05:39,589 --> 00:05:40,798
God damn.
137
00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:43,176
[sighs, snores]
138
00:05:43,217 --> 00:05:45,094
Talk about crust issues.
139
00:05:45,136 --> 00:05:47,555
[Dawn snoring]
140
00:05:47,597 --> 00:05:50,516
That side. What is that?
141
00:05:53,144 --> 00:05:55,229
All right, let's get that.
142
00:05:55,271 --> 00:05:59,359
You looking nice
for the moment coming.
143
00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:03,237
-Yo, what's up?!
-Okay--shit!
144
00:06:03,279 --> 00:06:04,822
Calm down! What the fuck?
145
00:06:04,864 --> 00:06:07,158
-It's Mo. It's Mo.
-Oh...
146
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:09,369
-Don't run up on me like that.
-All right.
147
00:06:09,410 --> 00:06:11,412
My cellmate used to Jill off
to me at night.
148
00:06:11,454 --> 00:06:13,206
[Mo]
"Jill off"?
149
00:06:13,247 --> 00:06:14,457
That's a weird term.
150
00:06:14,499 --> 00:06:16,834
So that's like jacking off
for a girl?
151
00:06:16,876 --> 00:06:18,336
-Yeah.
-Mm-hmm.
152
00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:21,172
[person over PA]
Portable X-ray, ER bay one.
153
00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:23,508
Portable X-ray, ER bay one.
154
00:06:23,549 --> 00:06:26,719
[monitor beeping]
155
00:06:27,678 --> 00:06:28,930
[Harris]
Blair.
156
00:06:30,264 --> 00:06:32,266
Blair.
157
00:06:32,934 --> 00:06:34,811
Blair?
158
00:06:34,852 --> 00:06:36,771
It's Roger. Can you hear me?
159
00:06:41,609 --> 00:06:42,693
Hi, you.
160
00:06:42,735 --> 00:06:44,612
Blair, oh, my God.
161
00:06:45,905 --> 00:06:46,948
How are you?
162
00:06:46,989 --> 00:06:48,741
Not so hot.
163
00:06:48,783 --> 00:06:50,159
[chuckles]
164
00:06:50,201 --> 00:06:51,869
Unlike you.
165
00:06:51,911 --> 00:06:54,539
-You're hot.
-[chuckles]
166
00:06:54,580 --> 00:06:56,833
Yeah, it's good to see you too.
167
00:06:56,874 --> 00:06:59,752
I got shot.
168
00:06:59,794 --> 00:07:01,754
Can you believe that?
169
00:07:05,091 --> 00:07:06,926
Roger...
170
00:07:06,968 --> 00:07:10,054
I'm sorry,
I didn't mean for things
171
00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:13,057
to end the way they did.
172
00:07:13,474 --> 00:07:15,560
Where did it go so wrong?
173
00:07:15,768 --> 00:07:18,688
That's what I'm here
to help you figure out.
174
00:07:18,729 --> 00:07:20,898
Oh, I--I need that. Ow!
175
00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:24,944
Um, I don't know if you are
actually qualified to make--
176
00:07:24,986 --> 00:07:27,071
there goes the catheter!
177
00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:29,240
Come on, Big B.
178
00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:30,992
[machines beeping]
179
00:07:31,033 --> 00:07:34,162
Wait, wait, wait. Am I dead?
180
00:07:34,203 --> 00:07:35,204
Not yet.
181
00:07:35,246 --> 00:07:36,581
dramatic music
182
00:07:36,622 --> 00:07:39,625
Oh...
183
00:07:39,667 --> 00:07:41,210
[yelling]
184
00:07:41,252 --> 00:07:42,628
[glass shatters]
185
00:07:42,670 --> 00:07:44,589
Oh...
186
00:07:44,630 --> 00:07:45,882
[screams]
187
00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:52,263
Man, I've been dreaming
of all the shit
188
00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:53,973
I was gonna get up to
my first day out.
189
00:07:54,015 --> 00:07:55,141
-Right?
-Yeah.
190
00:07:55,183 --> 00:07:56,350
-Like a horse-drawn carriage...
-[chuckles]
191
00:07:56,392 --> 00:07:58,478
...or maybe a nice picnic
in Central Park,
192
00:07:58,519 --> 00:07:59,687
or hey, let's shoot up
to the top
193
00:07:59,729 --> 00:08:01,105
of the Empire State Building,
huh?
194
00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:02,982
Look out over everything
you've been missing.
195
00:08:03,024 --> 00:08:04,150
-[Dawn laughs] Uh, no.
-[Mo] No?
196
00:08:04,192 --> 00:08:05,276
[Dawn]
I just got out of prison,
197
00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:06,319
not a plane from Arizona.
198
00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:07,987
I wanna fuckin' party!
199
00:08:08,029 --> 00:08:09,489
What happened to you, Mo?
200
00:08:09,530 --> 00:08:11,032
[Mo]
Nothing happened to me, okay?
201
00:08:11,073 --> 00:08:12,200
Mo can party
with the best of them.
202
00:08:12,241 --> 00:08:13,284
I got the arrests to prove it,
203
00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:14,660
-both cardiac and otherwise.
-[Dawn laughs]
204
00:08:14,702 --> 00:08:17,330
Okay, good, so look, let's call
your coke guy, tell him
205
00:08:17,371 --> 00:08:19,290
to meet us at the club
with two eight balls,
206
00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:21,042
a bib, and a diaper,
'cause tonight,
207
00:08:21,083 --> 00:08:23,044
I am gonna make you
puke and duke.
208
00:08:23,085 --> 00:08:24,337
-[both laugh]
-Classic.
209
00:08:24,378 --> 00:08:26,672
-Oh, speaking of classics...
-Hmm.
210
00:08:26,714 --> 00:08:30,134
...why don't we start off
by going by Cedar Tavern?
211
00:08:30,176 --> 00:08:31,844
For old times' sake,
you know what I mean?
212
00:08:31,886 --> 00:08:34,805
We can get a nice base going,
talk about whatever, whatever,
213
00:08:34,847 --> 00:08:37,225
and then we'll hit the club
to celebrate
214
00:08:37,266 --> 00:08:39,352
you getting out of prison.
215
00:08:39,393 --> 00:08:40,394
-Okay.
-Okay.
216
00:08:40,436 --> 00:08:43,231
-Yeah. I don't wanna be Bias'd.
-Biased?
217
00:08:43,272 --> 00:08:45,066
You mean biased
against my plan?
218
00:08:45,107 --> 00:08:46,484
No, uh, Len Bias'd.
219
00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:48,277
You know, I don't wanna
come out the gate too hard,
220
00:08:48,319 --> 00:08:50,029
-and then I might...
-Oh...my God.
221
00:08:50,071 --> 00:08:51,155
[laughs]
222
00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:52,698
You did get hard in prison,
didn't you?
223
00:08:52,740 --> 00:08:55,076
Sure enough.
Our open mic night was violent.
224
00:08:55,117 --> 00:08:57,161
-[laughing]
-Christ.
225
00:08:57,203 --> 00:08:59,205
Actually, yeah.
226
00:08:59,247 --> 00:09:00,706
Let's grab a bite first.
227
00:09:00,748 --> 00:09:02,291
But they got olives
and cherries and shit
228
00:09:02,333 --> 00:09:03,376
at Cedar Tavern.
229
00:09:03,417 --> 00:09:05,753
No, I want real food.
I'm fucking starving.
230
00:09:05,795 --> 00:09:08,089
Okay, no, this'll still work.
Tell you what.
231
00:09:08,130 --> 00:09:09,298
We'll go by
the Russian Tea Room,
232
00:09:09,340 --> 00:09:11,425
grab some to go,
then head up to the park,
233
00:09:11,467 --> 00:09:13,636
-spread a nice blanket, and--
-[Dawn] Nigga.
234
00:09:13,678 --> 00:09:14,845
What are we,
fucking teddy bears?
235
00:09:14,887 --> 00:09:16,681
Why do you keep trying
to have a picnic so bad?
236
00:09:16,722 --> 00:09:19,183
I-I just want your first meal
on the outside
237
00:09:19,225 --> 00:09:20,643
to be nice, memorable,
you know?
238
00:09:20,685 --> 00:09:21,852
Whatever. Fuck a nice meal.
239
00:09:21,894 --> 00:09:24,397
All I ate was five-star shit
in the joint.
240
00:09:24,438 --> 00:09:26,232
Jesus. But you know what?
241
00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:29,193
You know what I was craving
really bad?
242
00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:31,487
A hot dog from that cart
outside the Jammer Group.
243
00:09:31,529 --> 00:09:33,072
Come on, it's right
around the corner.
244
00:09:33,114 --> 00:09:34,240
Great. This'll still work.
245
00:09:34,282 --> 00:09:35,658
We'll grab a bottle,
a couple of dogs,
246
00:09:35,700 --> 00:09:37,493
uh, find a nice bench
somewhere.
247
00:09:37,535 --> 00:09:38,869
Like a picnic?
248
00:09:38,911 --> 00:09:40,621
Yeah, sure, like a picnic.
Let's do that.
249
00:09:40,663 --> 00:09:41,747
What the fuck don't you get?
250
00:09:41,789 --> 00:09:43,541
I'm not eating
on the goddamn ground with you.
251
00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:45,418
I said a bench!
252
00:09:45,459 --> 00:09:47,461
Since when is a bench the fu--
fuck it.
253
00:09:47,503 --> 00:09:48,629
-Jesus!
-It's gonna be a great day.
254
00:09:48,671 --> 00:09:51,340
[Dawn] Yeah, it is, if you'd
fucking let a picnic go!
255
00:09:51,382 --> 00:09:54,468
[indistinct TV chatter]
256
00:09:54,510 --> 00:09:56,387
[whispering]
What the fuck? It's my parents.
257
00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:58,973
You don't have to whisper,
Blair, they can't hear you.
258
00:09:59,015 --> 00:10:00,016
[Blair]
What is this?
259
00:10:00,057 --> 00:10:01,601
[Harris] Well, it's like
I said, I'm here to help you
260
00:10:01,642 --> 00:10:04,353
figure out
where it all went wrong.
261
00:10:04,395 --> 00:10:06,397
Oh, I get it.
262
00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:08,482
It's like Scrooge McDuck.
263
00:10:08,524 --> 00:10:10,276
Or that movie Scrooged.
264
00:10:10,318 --> 00:10:12,320
Or my favorite episode
of Family Ties.
265
00:10:12,361 --> 00:10:14,488
Or the Charles Dickens classic,
A Christmas Carol,
266
00:10:14,530 --> 00:10:15,615
that those are based on.
267
00:10:15,656 --> 00:10:17,325
Ugh, we get it, you read.
268
00:10:17,366 --> 00:10:19,076
soft sentimental music
269
00:10:19,118 --> 00:10:21,454
God, it's so real.
270
00:10:21,495 --> 00:10:24,165
I can even smell
my mom's old lasagna.
271
00:10:24,206 --> 00:10:25,499
I used to love that stuff.
272
00:10:25,541 --> 00:10:26,542
[Harris]
Have a bite.
273
00:10:26,584 --> 00:10:27,960
[Blair]
I can do that?
274
00:10:29,962 --> 00:10:33,591
Do you know what date
this is from, exactly?
275
00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:35,635
Because at a certain point,
my dad's dinners
276
00:10:35,676 --> 00:10:38,512
started having
an added ingredient
277
00:10:38,554 --> 00:10:40,014
that I'm sort of allergic to.
278
00:10:40,056 --> 00:10:42,933
The glass you shaved
into his food until he died?
279
00:10:42,975 --> 00:10:44,894
Yeah, that's it.
280
00:10:45,394 --> 00:10:47,229
For what it's worth,
he fucking deserved it.
281
00:10:47,271 --> 00:10:49,482
It doesn't matter.
You can't get hurt here.
282
00:10:49,815 --> 00:10:52,151
Well, I mean,
if he's not gonna finish it.
283
00:10:53,694 --> 00:10:56,447
[young Blair] Hey, Dad, I won
my a cappella competition!
284
00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:58,783
How about a sport?
285
00:10:58,824 --> 00:10:59,450
[shattering]
286
00:11:03,704 --> 00:11:05,539
Fuck this. I'm outta here.
287
00:11:05,581 --> 00:11:06,749
Wait, Blair, it's important
288
00:11:06,791 --> 00:11:08,417
you try to remember
how you felt.
289
00:11:08,459 --> 00:11:11,462
Yeah, I remember. Trust me.
290
00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:12,922
Too well.
291
00:11:14,548 --> 00:11:15,841
Quick question, Roger.
292
00:11:15,883 --> 00:11:18,594
I can fly anywhere in the world
right now, right?
293
00:11:18,636 --> 00:11:22,098
Like, throughout all of history
and into the future,
294
00:11:22,139 --> 00:11:23,974
and no one can see or hear me?
295
00:11:24,016 --> 00:11:26,936
And I can eat whatever I want,
and do whatever I want,
296
00:11:26,977 --> 00:11:28,813
and there's no consequences
whatsoever?
297
00:11:28,854 --> 00:11:30,731
Well, yes, technically,
but that doesn't solve--
298
00:11:30,773 --> 00:11:33,275
Okay, so let's say I wanted
to get some steak frites
299
00:11:33,317 --> 00:11:35,277
at L'Arpège in Paris
and eat it in,
300
00:11:35,319 --> 00:11:37,279
I don't know,
John-John's shower.
301
00:11:37,321 --> 00:11:38,406
I could do that, right?
302
00:11:38,447 --> 00:11:39,990
Sure, but that defeats
the purpose of--
303
00:11:40,032 --> 00:11:42,326
Then why in the fuck
would I wanna stay here
304
00:11:42,368 --> 00:11:43,994
in my dad's house of horrors?
305
00:11:44,036 --> 00:11:46,038
I think, ideally, the point is
you learn a lesson before--
306
00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:47,623
-Bye-bye!
-Okay.
307
00:11:47,665 --> 00:11:48,749
[Blair] Whoo!
308
00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:51,168
He's always
such a little bitch.
309
00:11:51,210 --> 00:11:53,629
[Mo chuckles]
310
00:11:53,671 --> 00:11:57,007
Welcome to KokoMo Co Records.
311
00:11:57,049 --> 00:11:58,342
So what do you think, Dawn?
312
00:11:58,384 --> 00:12:00,344
Oh, wow. And it's only jazz?
313
00:12:00,386 --> 00:12:01,679
Yeah. Yeah. All jazz.
314
00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:04,515
Hmm, sorry, but to me,
jazz always sounds
315
00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:07,351
like someone just shoved
a bunch of instruments
316
00:12:07,393 --> 00:12:08,561
-down the stairs.
-[Mo] Hmm.
317
00:12:08,602 --> 00:12:10,354
That's 'cause you have
shitty taste in music.
318
00:12:10,396 --> 00:12:11,772
Yeah. And in men.
319
00:12:11,814 --> 00:12:14,233
[Mo]
Oh, fuckin' Spencer, right?
320
00:12:14,275 --> 00:12:15,234
No, I'm telling you,
321
00:12:15,276 --> 00:12:16,652
jazz is gonna make
a big comeback,
322
00:12:16,694 --> 00:12:19,780
and I am the guy
to find the artists to do it.
323
00:12:19,822 --> 00:12:21,907
Well, the artists
better be hot and young,
324
00:12:21,949 --> 00:12:24,410
'cause if it's not on MTV,
it's not doing shit,
325
00:12:24,452 --> 00:12:26,954
which sounds a little bit
like my life right now.
326
00:12:26,996 --> 00:12:29,665
Oh. Look at my office.
327
00:12:29,707 --> 00:12:33,210
Hey, so Dawn, what--
what is your plan?
328
00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:35,212
[Dawn] I don't know.
I don't have a clue.
329
00:12:35,254 --> 00:12:38,591
I mean, I spent my entire life
busting my ass to get here,
330
00:12:38,632 --> 00:12:40,509
and now, literally,
331
00:12:40,551 --> 00:12:43,262
it's illegal for me
to ever trade again.
332
00:12:43,721 --> 00:12:45,139
And I'm a felon.
333
00:12:45,181 --> 00:12:46,265
-And I'm--
-[laughs]
334
00:12:46,307 --> 00:12:48,434
A disgrace to my entire family.
335
00:12:48,476 --> 00:12:50,311
Oof. That's the trifecta.
336
00:12:50,352 --> 00:12:53,522
Yeah, so I guess I'm kind of
playing it by ear.
337
00:12:53,564 --> 00:12:55,524
[chuckles]
338
00:12:55,566 --> 00:12:58,068
But come on, Mo.
339
00:12:58,110 --> 00:12:59,445
You don't miss it at all?
340
00:12:59,487 --> 00:13:00,654
Nope.
341
00:13:00,696 --> 00:13:02,114
I'm telling you, us getting
kicked off the street
342
00:13:02,156 --> 00:13:04,533
was the best thing that ever
happened in our lives, Dawn.
343
00:13:04,575 --> 00:13:07,036
-Trust.
-Yeah, well.
344
00:13:07,077 --> 00:13:08,996
We did have some good times,
though.
345
00:13:09,038 --> 00:13:12,208
We had some great times.
Dawn, we make great partners.
346
00:13:12,249 --> 00:13:14,418
-[scoffs]
-Uh, yeah, well.
347
00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:15,878
Except we weren't partners.
348
00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:17,379
-That shit again?
-[Dawn clicks tongue]
349
00:13:17,421 --> 00:13:20,216
Listen, I wish I could go back,
okay?
350
00:13:20,257 --> 00:13:22,510
I would make you my partner.
351
00:13:22,551 --> 00:13:25,679
You were right; I was wrong.
I'm sorry.
352
00:13:26,514 --> 00:13:29,350
You know, that's all I ever
wanted to hear.
353
00:13:30,559 --> 00:13:32,102
-You really mean it?
-Yeah, I mean it.
354
00:13:32,144 --> 00:13:34,522
Dawn, I would do anything
to make it up to you.
355
00:13:34,563 --> 00:13:36,649
I would go back and change
a bunch of shit if I could
356
00:13:36,690 --> 00:13:38,484
with work and with us.
357
00:13:38,526 --> 00:13:39,819
Trying to do both
at the same time
358
00:13:39,860 --> 00:13:41,445
-just fucked 'em both up.
-I know.
359
00:13:41,487 --> 00:13:44,198
We need to pick a lane, huh?
360
00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:45,866
We need to pick a lane.
361
00:13:47,243 --> 00:13:50,037
I mean, so if you were to,
362
00:13:50,079 --> 00:13:52,790
you know, pick a lane,
363
00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:54,583
what lane would you pick?
364
00:13:54,625 --> 00:13:56,710
I'm so glad you asked, Momo.
365
00:13:56,752 --> 00:13:58,045
Me too.
366
00:13:59,213 --> 00:14:01,715
-I need a job, you know, bad...
-Yeah. Mm-hmm.
367
00:14:01,757 --> 00:14:03,092
...if I'm gonna be able
to stay out.
368
00:14:03,133 --> 00:14:05,761
Well, you need a job,
you got a job.
369
00:14:05,803 --> 00:14:07,054
Of course, Dawn, I told you,
370
00:14:07,096 --> 00:14:09,640
I'll-I'll do anything--
anything to make it right.
371
00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:11,016
You got it.
372
00:14:12,309 --> 00:14:16,105
Oh, Mo, God, you are the best.
373
00:14:16,146 --> 00:14:18,399
Mm. Mm. Mm.
374
00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:21,360
-Oh, thank you.
-[Mo] Yeah.
375
00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:23,612
All right, now, come on,
let's go to Cedar Tavern
376
00:14:23,654 --> 00:14:25,614
and get you shit-faced
and shit-butt.
377
00:14:25,656 --> 00:14:26,615
[both laugh]
378
00:14:26,657 --> 00:14:28,742
-You're gonna shit on yourself!
-[laughs]
379
00:14:28,784 --> 00:14:30,494
Oh, you're really stuck
on the shit thing, huh?
380
00:14:30,536 --> 00:14:32,663
-[Dawn] Oh, yeah. Let's go.
-Can't wait.
381
00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:34,415
[Corkie]
Keith, Keith, please.
382
00:14:34,456 --> 00:14:35,666
Look into your heart.
383
00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:38,419
You and I share at least
one testament, don't we?
384
00:14:38,460 --> 00:14:39,670
You.
385
00:14:39,712 --> 00:14:41,380
-You're fired.
-[Tiff] Hey!
386
00:14:41,422 --> 00:14:42,673
You can't do this, Keith.
387
00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:44,675
Thank G-G you're here.
388
00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:46,844
I think I made it
abundantly clear
389
00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:50,556
I can do whatever
the fuck I want.
390
00:14:50,598 --> 00:14:51,974
And if that means firing
391
00:14:52,016 --> 00:14:54,935
every useless face jock
in this joint--
392
00:14:54,977 --> 00:14:57,980
I'm not talking about them,
I'm talking about me.
393
00:14:58,022 --> 00:15:01,233
My company credit card
was just...
394
00:15:02,526 --> 00:15:04,194
-...was just...
-Oh.
395
00:15:04,236 --> 00:15:05,237
[scoffs]
396
00:15:06,322 --> 00:15:07,323
-Tiff.
-[Keith] Ugh.
397
00:15:07,364 --> 00:15:08,115
...was declined.
398
00:15:08,157 --> 00:15:10,826
-[gasps]
-At Victoria's Secret, yeah.
399
00:15:10,868 --> 00:15:11,994
Do you know
how embarrassing it is
400
00:15:12,036 --> 00:15:14,747
to take a thong off
that you just said
401
00:15:14,788 --> 00:15:15,998
you were gonna wear out?
402
00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:18,167
It was the worst moment
of my life.
403
00:15:18,208 --> 00:15:20,878
Well, your husband
was just shot today.
404
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:22,755
And I thought you were
gonna go visit him,
405
00:15:22,796 --> 00:15:24,381
but you went shopping.
406
00:15:24,423 --> 00:15:28,135
The point is, we brought you on
to take our company public,
407
00:15:28,177 --> 00:15:29,553
not ruin our lives.
408
00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:31,805
I mean, Chris here has been
with Pfaffashions
409
00:15:31,847 --> 00:15:32,890
from the beginning.
410
00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:36,018
Yeah, you can't just
throw him out like trash!
411
00:15:36,060 --> 00:15:37,686
Then who's gonna
throw out the trash?
412
00:15:37,728 --> 00:15:40,689
Actually, Tiff,
let me give you a choice.
413
00:15:40,731 --> 00:15:42,441
Would you rather keep Chris
414
00:15:42,483 --> 00:15:44,568
or keep your
company credit card?
415
00:15:44,610 --> 00:15:46,654
Get the fuck outta here, Chris.
You heard the boss.
416
00:15:46,695 --> 00:15:48,614
Yeah, that was a test.
You failed.
417
00:15:48,656 --> 00:15:49,698
You don't get either.
418
00:15:49,740 --> 00:15:52,117
This is not your personal
ATM machine.
419
00:15:52,159 --> 00:15:53,452
His name is Chris.
420
00:15:53,494 --> 00:15:55,579
I meant the company. Ew.
421
00:15:55,621 --> 00:15:56,538
What does that mean?
422
00:15:56,580 --> 00:15:58,165
Ass to mouth.
423
00:15:58,207 --> 00:15:59,041
Oh, Tiff.
424
00:15:59,083 --> 00:16:00,626
I made the accountants
aware that,
425
00:16:00,668 --> 00:16:02,753
from now on,
you are not authorized
426
00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:05,047
to spend a single cent
427
00:16:05,089 --> 00:16:08,676
unless it's
a legitimate business expense.
428
00:16:08,717 --> 00:16:10,052
Case closed. Good night.
429
00:16:10,094 --> 00:16:11,595
Please don't do this to me,
Keith.
430
00:16:11,637 --> 00:16:13,722
You can have sex with Chris.
He goes hard.
431
00:16:13,764 --> 00:16:17,309
Or Giancarlo!
He's my bottom bitch!
432
00:16:17,351 --> 00:16:18,602
Oh, Tiff!
433
00:16:18,644 --> 00:16:20,771
[Dawn] I need a couple
of shots of tequila!
434
00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:22,398
You guys celebrating something?
435
00:16:22,439 --> 00:16:24,775
My new freedom and my new job.
436
00:16:24,817 --> 00:16:26,610
-Right, Mo Mo?
-Oh, yeah.
437
00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:28,737
Can't wait to start
working together again.
438
00:16:28,779 --> 00:16:31,240
I mean, not really
working together.
439
00:16:31,281 --> 00:16:32,866
What do you mean?
440
00:16:33,492 --> 00:16:37,079
I mean, I don't plan on
actually working at your label.
441
00:16:37,121 --> 00:16:39,957
I just need a company name
to satisfy my parole officer.
442
00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:42,835
Being employed is a condition
of me staying out, so--
443
00:16:42,876 --> 00:16:43,836
was that not clear?
444
00:16:43,877 --> 00:16:45,504
No, it wasn't clear!
445
00:16:45,546 --> 00:16:46,880
You said, "Pick a lane."
446
00:16:46,922 --> 00:16:48,966
I think we'd both rather
walk into a lane of traffic
447
00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:50,718
than ever work together again,
am I right?
448
00:16:50,759 --> 00:16:53,387
Yes, you're right. Agreed.
I mean, fuck that lane.
449
00:16:53,429 --> 00:16:55,723
So, uh, if my PO calls,
450
00:16:55,764 --> 00:16:57,266
you'll lie and say
I work there?
451
00:16:57,307 --> 00:16:58,392
Dawn, of course.
452
00:16:58,434 --> 00:16:59,268
-[laughs]
-Come on.
453
00:16:59,309 --> 00:17:00,686
Even though
you don't work there,
454
00:17:00,728 --> 00:17:02,980
because we both agreed
that work is not the lane
455
00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:04,148
that either of us would pick
456
00:17:04,189 --> 00:17:07,109
between the two lanes
as discussed.
457
00:17:07,151 --> 00:17:09,194
Oh, God,
I missed your crazy ass.
458
00:17:09,236 --> 00:17:12,239
Oh, I missed you, too, Dawn.
You have no idea.
459
00:17:12,281 --> 00:17:15,075
Ah, come on, come on.
Let's toast.
460
00:17:17,619 --> 00:17:20,956
-To us.
-To us.
461
00:17:20,998 --> 00:17:22,583
[both chuckle]
462
00:17:23,542 --> 00:17:26,879
-Mmm.
-Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm!
463
00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:28,047
Can we have two more?
464
00:17:28,088 --> 00:17:29,506
[newscaster]
Recently-appointed Congressman
465
00:17:29,548 --> 00:17:31,717
-Dawny.
-Oh, my God!
466
00:17:31,759 --> 00:17:32,760
Fuck.
467
00:17:32,801 --> 00:17:35,304
-[Dawn] Blair just got shot!
-The fuck?
468
00:17:35,345 --> 00:17:36,680
[newscaster]
Remains in a coma...
469
00:17:36,722 --> 00:17:37,973
-[Dawn] Oh!
-[Mo] Oh, shit!
470
00:17:38,015 --> 00:17:39,683
[newscaster] After
the assassination attempt.
471
00:17:39,725 --> 00:17:41,769
Sources say
he might not make it.
472
00:17:41,810 --> 00:17:44,354
What are you doing down there?
473
00:17:44,396 --> 00:17:45,814
Praying.
474
00:17:45,856 --> 00:17:48,734
Oh, yeah. Blair.
475
00:17:50,402 --> 00:17:52,196
[Harris] Blair?
476
00:17:52,237 --> 00:17:53,280
Blair?
477
00:17:54,740 --> 00:17:57,034
Roger, you go here?
478
00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:58,702
I've been looking
all over creation for you.
479
00:17:58,744 --> 00:17:59,703
Where have you been?
480
00:17:59,745 --> 00:18:01,789
[Blair]
Uh, everywhere.
481
00:18:01,830 --> 00:18:04,041
I watched Bob Fosse choreograph
All That Jazz.
482
00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:05,709
That way he fucked around,
it should've been called
483
00:18:05,751 --> 00:18:06,919
All That Jizz.
484
00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:09,004
And then I fucked around
and got a triple double
485
00:18:09,046 --> 00:18:10,839
at the '91 finals!
486
00:18:10,881 --> 00:18:12,800
And then I fucked
most of my high school,
487
00:18:12,841 --> 00:18:14,676
which led
to a teensy killing spree.
488
00:18:14,718 --> 00:18:15,761
This was not supposed to be
489
00:18:15,803 --> 00:18:17,930
Blair and Ted's
Excellent Adventure.
490
00:18:17,971 --> 00:18:19,473
It was supposed to be
a deeply personal journey
491
00:18:19,515 --> 00:18:21,475
through your life so you can
learn from your mistakes
492
00:18:21,517 --> 00:18:22,726
in time to save your soul.
493
00:18:22,768 --> 00:18:24,561
Okay, well, it was actually
494
00:18:24,603 --> 00:18:26,146
more like that movie Westworld
495
00:18:26,188 --> 00:18:27,731
than it was
like Bill and Ted's,
496
00:18:27,773 --> 00:18:29,650
on account of all the killing
and fucking.
497
00:18:29,691 --> 00:18:32,653
But I hear you,
and I will learn
498
00:18:32,694 --> 00:18:34,446
all the lessons, Roger.
499
00:18:34,488 --> 00:18:36,115
I promise.
500
00:18:36,156 --> 00:18:37,616
It's just...[sighs]
501
00:18:37,658 --> 00:18:40,285
I just figured,
since I got shot,
502
00:18:40,327 --> 00:18:42,621
it would be okay
if I, you know,
503
00:18:42,663 --> 00:18:44,206
had a little fun first.
504
00:18:44,248 --> 00:18:46,792
We have a little fun first.
505
00:18:47,584 --> 00:18:48,877
Dinosaur blood?
506
00:18:48,919 --> 00:18:51,171
The actual cake
Marie Antoinette said
507
00:18:51,213 --> 00:18:52,714
"let them eat cake" about?
508
00:18:52,756 --> 00:18:55,300
I mean, it's pretty dry,
but it's history!
509
00:18:56,093 --> 00:18:57,928
This has to be
against the rules.
510
00:18:57,970 --> 00:18:59,721
Fuck the rules.
511
00:18:59,763 --> 00:19:01,223
I missed you.
512
00:19:01,265 --> 00:19:03,809
This might be our only chance
to be together again.
513
00:19:03,851 --> 00:19:05,477
[person] You've been
in the shower forever!
514
00:19:05,519 --> 00:19:06,436
Oh, look, look, look!
515
00:19:06,478 --> 00:19:08,438
[person]
We're gonna be late, John-John.
516
00:19:10,816 --> 00:19:12,776
That's big, right?
517
00:19:12,818 --> 00:19:14,820
Talk about vote for Kennedy.
518
00:19:16,613 --> 00:19:18,157
I do like history.
519
00:19:18,198 --> 00:19:19,616
Well, then, get over here.
520
00:19:21,702 --> 00:19:23,579
Try this.
521
00:19:23,620 --> 00:19:25,164
A peasant made it.
522
00:19:25,581 --> 00:19:26,290
Hmm.
523
00:19:26,331 --> 00:19:28,667
-[Harris] Hmm.
-[Blair] Mm-hmm.
524
00:19:29,751 --> 00:19:32,004
I missed this.
525
00:19:32,045 --> 00:19:33,130
Us.
526
00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:34,882
soft piano music
527
00:19:34,923 --> 00:19:36,175
Me too.
528
00:19:37,259 --> 00:19:39,636
And I meant what I said before.
I--
529
00:19:40,429 --> 00:19:43,473
I didn't mean for it
to end like that.
530
00:19:43,515 --> 00:19:45,309
I didn't wanna hurt you.
531
00:19:46,977 --> 00:19:49,438
I'm sorry, Roger.
532
00:19:49,479 --> 00:19:50,647
I still love you.
533
00:19:54,943 --> 00:19:56,945
[monitor beeping]
534
00:19:56,987 --> 00:19:58,572
[Dawn] Fuck.
535
00:20:00,073 --> 00:20:02,201
Yeah.
536
00:20:04,578 --> 00:20:05,829
Oh, God.
537
00:20:21,595 --> 00:20:22,679
Mm.
538
00:20:24,264 --> 00:20:26,558
Okay. All right, come on.
That was nice, though.
539
00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:27,851
No, you--no, you--no!
540
00:20:27,893 --> 00:20:29,269
You've gotta--you can't.
What if this is it?
541
00:20:29,311 --> 00:20:30,270
What if you mean if this it?
542
00:20:30,312 --> 00:20:31,271
[Dawn whispers]
What if this is...
543
00:20:31,313 --> 00:20:32,356
How's he gonna fucking know
544
00:20:32,397 --> 00:20:33,565
if I went and said goodbye
to him or not?
545
00:20:33,607 --> 00:20:35,901
-He'll know! I'll know!
-Get out of there. Fuck!
546
00:20:36,818 --> 00:20:40,614
Hey. Hey, Blair. Buddy.
547
00:20:40,656 --> 00:20:41,740
Aw.
548
00:20:43,367 --> 00:20:45,661
-All right, put her there.
-[chuckles]
549
00:20:45,702 --> 00:20:48,789
Get--you-you hang in there,
buddy.
550
00:20:48,830 --> 00:20:51,083
You're gonna be fine.
551
00:20:51,124 --> 00:20:52,125
[shouting] Bye, Blair!
552
00:20:52,167 --> 00:20:55,045
[Harris moaning]
553
00:20:55,087 --> 00:20:58,131
[speaker speaking indistinctly]
554
00:20:58,173 --> 00:21:00,968
[Harris moaning]
555
00:21:01,009 --> 00:21:03,470
No, we gotta stop.
I can't do this.
556
00:21:03,845 --> 00:21:05,389
Wait, didn't you just do it?
557
00:21:05,430 --> 00:21:07,224
Yes, but that was just
to teach you a lesson
558
00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:09,142
-about selfishness.
-Hmm.
559
00:21:09,184 --> 00:21:12,020
At some point in your life,
you stopped caring
560
00:21:12,062 --> 00:21:13,230
about anybody but yourself.
561
00:21:13,272 --> 00:21:15,315
That's what today
was supposed to be about,
562
00:21:15,357 --> 00:21:17,484
you learning that
and vowing to change
563
00:21:17,526 --> 00:21:19,278
in a real enough way
to earn a chance
564
00:21:19,319 --> 00:21:20,904
to make things right.
565
00:21:20,946 --> 00:21:23,490
Instead, you just yanked it
to John-John.
566
00:21:23,532 --> 00:21:25,242
Look! It doesn't fit.
567
00:21:25,284 --> 00:21:27,661
Ugh. Talk about getting off.
568
00:21:27,703 --> 00:21:29,079
I told you, Rog. Pay up.
569
00:21:29,121 --> 00:21:31,623
I still can't believe
Nordberg from Naked Gun
570
00:21:31,665 --> 00:21:32,499
killed two people.
571
00:21:32,541 --> 00:21:33,875
[Blair]
No, no, no, it didn't fit.
572
00:21:33,917 --> 00:21:35,794
-They must acquit.
-[laughing]
573
00:21:35,836 --> 00:21:37,087
Oh, I know, let's go
to Brentwood
574
00:21:37,129 --> 00:21:38,588
the night of the murder--
double or nothing.
575
00:21:38,630 --> 00:21:39,506
This has to stop.
576
00:21:39,548 --> 00:21:41,049
If you don't wanna
learn your lesson,
577
00:21:41,091 --> 00:21:42,592
that's up to you,
but I can't be part of it.
578
00:21:42,634 --> 00:21:44,177
-Goodbye, Blair.
-Wait, you're right.
579
00:21:44,219 --> 00:21:45,721
I'm ready to learn
whatever lesson
580
00:21:45,762 --> 00:21:47,306
I'm supposed to!
581
00:21:49,725 --> 00:21:50,684
[sighs]
582
00:21:50,726 --> 00:21:52,436
I deserve to go to hell.
583
00:21:52,477 --> 00:21:54,646
[door slams open]
584
00:21:54,688 --> 00:21:56,481
Been here the whole time.
585
00:21:56,523 --> 00:21:58,817
-Tiff, I want a divorce.
-Okay, fine.
586
00:21:58,859 --> 00:22:00,235
I was gone for ten minutes
587
00:22:00,277 --> 00:22:03,905
to get my paws and claws done
for your big awakening.
588
00:22:03,947 --> 00:22:04,948
Or your funeral.
589
00:22:04,990 --> 00:22:06,867
But either way, it was for you.
590
00:22:06,908 --> 00:22:09,911
Well, this is for you too.
591
00:22:09,953 --> 00:22:11,246
I'm tired of living a lie.
592
00:22:11,288 --> 00:22:13,415
I'm tired of hurting people.
593
00:22:13,457 --> 00:22:16,001
I-I wanna find someone
I can make happy,
594
00:22:16,043 --> 00:22:17,044
and you deserve that too.
595
00:22:17,085 --> 00:22:19,421
-Ooh, they're still wet.
-Sorry.
596
00:22:19,713 --> 00:22:21,131
I'm gonna quit my job.
597
00:22:21,173 --> 00:22:23,050
I'm gonna do something
I actually like
598
00:22:23,091 --> 00:22:25,177
that makes the world
a better place.
599
00:22:25,218 --> 00:22:27,346
So, sorry,
this has nothing to do
600
00:22:27,387 --> 00:22:28,764
with me spending
your first day in a coma
601
00:22:28,805 --> 00:22:31,725
shopping and at the spa
and Honey, I Shrunk the Kids?
602
00:22:31,767 --> 00:22:34,853
'Cause as I say it out loud,
it does sound really bad.
603
00:22:34,895 --> 00:22:36,063
-How was that movie?
-[Tiff] Oh.
604
00:22:36,104 --> 00:22:38,148
If you live,
you have to see it.
605
00:22:38,190 --> 00:22:39,608
I've always liked Rick Moranis.
606
00:22:39,649 --> 00:22:40,233
I love him.
607
00:22:40,275 --> 00:22:41,234
He has leading man energy.
608
00:22:41,276 --> 00:22:43,862
-Big dick energy.
-[both laugh]
609
00:22:43,904 --> 00:22:45,739
-I love you.
-Aw
610
00:22:45,781 --> 00:22:46,740
And I want you to be happy.
611
00:22:46,782 --> 00:22:49,951
And from now on,
I'm gonna be good and true
612
00:22:49,993 --> 00:22:52,329
and never do
anything selfish again.
613
00:22:52,371 --> 00:22:53,914
There he is. The golden boy.
614
00:22:53,955 --> 00:22:55,457
I was worried
for a second, champ.
615
00:22:55,499 --> 00:22:57,084
Who are all these white men?
616
00:22:57,125 --> 00:22:59,127
Oh, only a who's who
of the RNC.
617
00:22:59,169 --> 00:23:00,337
I thought the RNC hated me.
618
00:23:00,379 --> 00:23:02,547
They did, until your
assassination attempt.
619
00:23:02,589 --> 00:23:05,342
And now you are polling
through the roof, sir.
620
00:23:05,384 --> 00:23:06,551
[Carleton]
Buckle up, Pfaff.
621
00:23:06,593 --> 00:23:09,429
You're in for a rocket ride
to the moon.
622
00:23:10,138 --> 00:23:12,015
Well, unfortunately,
you're too late.
623
00:23:12,057 --> 00:23:14,559
I'm quitting politics for good.
624
00:23:14,601 --> 00:23:17,062
And there is nothing
you can offer us
625
00:23:17,104 --> 00:23:18,355
that will change that.
626
00:23:18,397 --> 00:23:22,818
How about unlimited power,
sex, and money?
627
00:23:22,859 --> 00:23:26,071
dramatic music
628
00:23:26,321 --> 00:23:27,948
-I mean, we can kick it around.
-It's worth a conversation.
629
00:23:27,989 --> 00:23:29,908
It's--maybe just a chat.
630
00:23:29,950 --> 00:23:32,077
We're gonna come around to yes.
631
00:23:32,119 --> 00:23:33,912
Oh, jeez.
632
00:23:33,954 --> 00:23:35,163
[band playing soft jazz]
633
00:23:35,205 --> 00:23:37,707
Hey, be honest with me, Dawn.
Did I do that to him?
634
00:23:37,749 --> 00:23:39,626
What? No.
635
00:23:39,668 --> 00:23:41,920
No! He made his choices.
636
00:23:41,962 --> 00:23:43,255
-Yeah.
-[Dawn] And shit happens.
637
00:23:43,296 --> 00:23:46,591
Life is about doing what
and who you want at all times
638
00:23:46,633 --> 00:23:49,845
because you never know
when your time is up.
639
00:23:49,886 --> 00:23:51,596
[Mo]
Hmm.
640
00:23:51,638 --> 00:23:53,223
Ah, shit.
641
00:23:53,265 --> 00:23:55,475
Look, this place is just
gonna have to fuckin' do.
642
00:23:55,517 --> 00:23:56,977
Yeah, it has a charm to it.
643
00:23:57,018 --> 00:23:58,437
Besides, all I really
need to do
644
00:23:58,478 --> 00:24:00,230
is just get fucked up.
645
00:24:00,272 --> 00:24:02,482
Dawn, Dawn, just listen to me
for a second.
646
00:24:02,524 --> 00:24:03,942
I am tired of wasting time.
647
00:24:03,984 --> 00:24:05,277
Right?
648
00:24:05,318 --> 00:24:07,446
Y-you are the closest person
in my entire life.
649
00:24:07,487 --> 00:24:09,114
You're like family to me.
650
00:24:09,156 --> 00:24:11,992
Oh, God, Mo, you are my family.
651
00:24:12,033 --> 00:24:13,118
God, I love you.
652
00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:14,202
I love you too.
653
00:24:14,244 --> 00:24:15,495
Which is why I don't
wanna keep fucking
654
00:24:15,537 --> 00:24:17,080
wasting all this time
trying to be
655
00:24:17,122 --> 00:24:18,415
all these different things
for each other
656
00:24:18,457 --> 00:24:20,167
when we should just
be focused on being
657
00:24:20,208 --> 00:24:22,627
the one thing that we know
we were both meant to be.
658
00:24:22,669 --> 00:24:23,211
Yes.
659
00:24:23,253 --> 00:24:24,337
-[Mo] A couple...
-Friends.
660
00:24:24,379 --> 00:24:25,755
-...of friends.
-[Dawn] Oh, my God.
661
00:24:25,797 --> 00:24:26,631
A couple of friends.
662
00:24:26,673 --> 00:24:28,383
Took the words right out
of my mouth.
663
00:24:28,425 --> 00:24:29,551
-Yes! I mean...
-[coughs]
664
00:24:29,593 --> 00:24:31,178
...it's been staring us
in the face
665
00:24:31,219 --> 00:24:33,054
-this whole time.
-Mm-hmm.
666
00:24:33,096 --> 00:24:35,056
Uh, point of clarity, though.
667
00:24:35,098 --> 00:24:36,600
Last night, that was...
668
00:24:36,641 --> 00:24:38,518
-Great. Fuckin' amazing.
-Yes.
669
00:24:38,560 --> 00:24:40,270
-[Dawn] Fuckin' outstanding.
-Yes.
670
00:24:40,312 --> 00:24:41,480
But that's the kind of shit a--
671
00:24:41,521 --> 00:24:43,982
a real couple of friends
can do.
672
00:24:44,024 --> 00:24:46,860
You know, that's the benefit
of-of friends.
673
00:24:46,902 --> 00:24:47,777
Yeah.
674
00:24:47,819 --> 00:24:49,946
They should come up
with a term for that.
675
00:24:49,988 --> 00:24:50,947
Friends with...
676
00:24:50,989 --> 00:24:52,491
-Uh, fucking.
-[Dawn] Yes!
677
00:24:52,532 --> 00:24:53,950
[both]
Friends with fucking!
678
00:24:53,992 --> 00:24:55,494
-[Mo] Sure.
-God, that's good.
679
00:24:55,535 --> 00:24:57,287
-[Mo] Mm-hmm.
-That's good.
680
00:24:57,329 --> 00:24:59,331
Plus, I just got out
of the joint, you know?
681
00:24:59,372 --> 00:25:00,624
-It was kinda urgent.
-[laughs]
682
00:25:00,665 --> 00:25:03,293
I mean, there was no time
to teach some new guy
683
00:25:03,335 --> 00:25:06,004
all the codes when, hey,
you already know 'em.
684
00:25:06,046 --> 00:25:07,297
-I know the codes.
-[chuckles]
685
00:25:07,339 --> 00:25:09,174
Up, up, down, down,
left, right, left, right.
686
00:25:09,216 --> 00:25:11,218
-P, A, P, A.
-Pussy, ass, pussy, ass, start.
687
00:25:11,259 --> 00:25:12,552
-Finish.
-[chuckles]
688
00:25:12,594 --> 00:25:14,429
We probably shouldn't
do that anymore.
689
00:25:14,471 --> 00:25:15,472
What? I didn't--
690
00:25:15,514 --> 00:25:16,306
Besides, I don't want you
691
00:25:16,348 --> 00:25:17,849
falling in love with me again.
692
00:25:17,891 --> 00:25:20,852
[both laughing]
693
00:25:20,894 --> 00:25:22,687
Who-who needs that?
694
00:25:22,729 --> 00:25:25,398
-Oh, God, this feels great!
-Uh-huh.
695
00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:28,151
I mean, I feel so great.
I mean, not physically.
696
00:25:28,193 --> 00:25:29,444
-[Mo] No.
-I feel a little queasy.
697
00:25:29,486 --> 00:25:32,656
-Yeah.
-But emotionally, I feel great.
698
00:25:32,697 --> 00:25:34,533
Right there, yeah,
I'm right there with you.
699
00:25:34,574 --> 00:25:36,451
[Dawn]
Oh, God, Mo.
700
00:25:36,493 --> 00:25:37,869
I gotta piss.
701
00:25:37,911 --> 00:25:39,871
Oh, okay. That's cute.
702
00:25:39,913 --> 00:25:41,164
Yeah.
703
00:25:42,874 --> 00:25:44,042
Okay.
704
00:25:44,084 --> 00:25:44,960
[giggles]
705
00:25:45,001 --> 00:25:47,796
[band playing slow love song]
706
00:25:47,837 --> 00:25:48,964
[Mo sighs]
707
00:25:49,005 --> 00:25:50,382
Your lips were like
708
00:25:50,423 --> 00:25:54,302
A red and ruby chalice
709
00:25:54,344 --> 00:25:55,303
[Mo groans]
710
00:25:55,345 --> 00:26:00,016
Warmer than a summer night
711
00:26:00,058 --> 00:26:02,477
Fuck.
712
00:26:02,519 --> 00:26:04,312
The clouds were like
713
00:26:04,354 --> 00:26:08,733
An alabaster palace
714
00:26:08,775 --> 00:26:14,030
Rising to a snowy height
715
00:26:16,241 --> 00:26:17,993
Each star its own
716
00:26:18,034 --> 00:26:22,205
Aurora borealis
717
00:26:22,247 --> 00:26:26,376
Suddenly,
you held me tight
718
00:26:28,378 --> 00:26:30,338
And we saw
719
00:26:30,380 --> 00:26:35,176
The midnight sun
720
00:26:35,218 --> 00:26:38,221
[breathes deeply]
721
00:26:38,263 --> 00:26:40,140
Thank you all for being here.
722
00:26:40,432 --> 00:26:44,894
Getting shot has made me
realize so many things.
723
00:26:45,854 --> 00:26:48,023
-I wanna try to stand for this.
-No, honey.
724
00:26:48,064 --> 00:26:49,190
No. I have to.
725
00:26:49,232 --> 00:26:50,442
-Okay.
-Be my legs.
726
00:26:50,483 --> 00:26:51,568
He wants to stand.
727
00:26:51,610 --> 00:26:53,862
I wanna show
my would-be assassin that...
728
00:26:53,903 --> 00:26:54,988
[sighs]
729
00:26:55,030 --> 00:26:56,281
...you did not win.
730
00:26:56,323 --> 00:26:57,782
-[crowd gasping]
-[person] Oh, my.
731
00:26:58,700 --> 00:27:00,785
You did not intimidate me.
732
00:27:01,703 --> 00:27:05,123
Getting shot has made me
realize...
733
00:27:05,165 --> 00:27:06,291
so much.
734
00:27:07,042 --> 00:27:08,627
For one...
735
00:27:09,210 --> 00:27:10,420
...it's not that bad.
736
00:27:10,462 --> 00:27:13,214
[both laughing]
737
00:27:13,256 --> 00:27:15,383
I mean, ho!
738
00:27:15,425 --> 00:27:17,344
-[applause]
-Gah-gah-gah, gah-gah-gah.
739
00:27:17,385 --> 00:27:19,179
[trilling]
740
00:27:19,220 --> 00:27:21,473
Look at me! I'm fine.
741
00:27:21,514 --> 00:27:23,642
Guns are nothing
to be afraid of.
742
00:27:23,683 --> 00:27:27,395
And two, this whole thing
could have been avoided
743
00:27:27,437 --> 00:27:30,398
if every American had a gun,
744
00:27:30,440 --> 00:27:33,777
which is why I am dedicating
the rest of my career
745
00:27:33,818 --> 00:27:36,154
to gun control, specifically...
746
00:27:36,196 --> 00:27:37,947
the abolishment of it!
747
00:27:37,989 --> 00:27:40,075
Hey, what in the literal fuck
is going on?
748
00:27:40,116 --> 00:27:42,827
$1 million went missing
from the company last night.
749
00:27:42,869 --> 00:27:44,120
I know it was you.
750
00:27:44,162 --> 00:27:45,205
I just don't know
how you did it.
751
00:27:45,246 --> 00:27:46,790
Did you know
political donations
752
00:27:46,831 --> 00:27:48,541
are a legitimate
business expense?
753
00:27:48,583 --> 00:27:51,378
And while politicians' salaries
are quite low,
754
00:27:51,419 --> 00:27:53,421
they can basically
use campaign funds
755
00:27:53,463 --> 00:27:55,632
as their own personal ATMs,
756
00:27:55,674 --> 00:27:58,385
and I don't mean ass to mouth.
757
00:27:58,426 --> 00:27:59,552
Oh, Jesus.
758
00:27:59,594 --> 00:28:00,804
Who the fuck is thinking that?
759
00:28:00,845 --> 00:28:02,222
-Some people.
-Okay, look.
760
00:28:02,263 --> 00:28:03,515
Did you know
761
00:28:03,556 --> 00:28:05,850
that this little
finance fund fraud
762
00:28:05,892 --> 00:28:08,061
-is gonna be a f-failure?
-Weak.
763
00:28:08,103 --> 00:28:10,647
And I'd like to thank
my wife Tiff and her company
764
00:28:10,689 --> 00:28:13,525
Pfaffashions for kicking off
my very first
765
00:28:13,566 --> 00:28:15,026
campaign finance fund
766
00:28:15,068 --> 00:28:16,111
for my reelection.
767
00:28:16,152 --> 00:28:17,112
Thank you.
768
00:28:17,153 --> 00:28:18,029
I love you, babe.
769
00:28:18,071 --> 00:28:18,988
[Tiff] I love you, babe.
770
00:28:19,030 --> 00:28:20,198
-Babe.
-[Blair] Babe, I love you more.
771
00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:21,199
[both]
Babe.
772
00:28:21,241 --> 00:28:22,283
[imitating gunshots]
773
00:28:22,325 --> 00:28:24,327
-Whoo!
-Ooh, ooh!
774
00:28:24,369 --> 00:28:25,787
Oh! Oh!
She got me!
775
00:28:25,829 --> 00:28:27,330
-[Tiff laughing]
-She got me!
776
00:28:27,372 --> 00:28:29,290
[Blair laughing]
777
00:28:29,332 --> 00:28:31,418
If Jesus had a gun,
he'd be alive today.
778
00:28:31,459 --> 00:28:33,920
rock music
779
00:28:33,962 --> 00:28:35,422
Yeah!
780
00:28:35,463 --> 00:28:40,218
And you'll still be there
781
00:28:40,260 --> 00:28:42,971
With me
782
00:28:43,012 --> 00:28:45,306
Oh
783
00:28:58,486 --> 00:29:03,032
Oh, till I found you
I never had
784
00:29:03,074 --> 00:29:07,579
Someone to love me
in good times and bad
785
00:29:07,620 --> 00:29:12,584
Oh, till I found you
I never had
786
00:29:12,625 --> 00:29:15,795
Someone to love me...
787
00:29:15,845 --> 00:29:20,395
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