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Based on the Acclaimed Play by...

Let's see now.

The Hebrides, the Hebrides...

Damn it! Come in!

What do you want?

Madame wants to see you.

Let her come here. She knows where I am.

She's busy in the bathroom.

You don't say! Well, I'm busy working!

Very well, sir.

- Wait! What does she want? - I don't know.

- Well, go ask her! - Yes, sir.

The nerve!

Wait a minute.

Tell me, Rose...

I wonder... the Hebrides -

- What? - The Hebrides.

Do you know where they are? - The Hebrides?

No, I didn't put them away. Madame does this room.

What are you talking about?

The Hebrides are islands, dummy!

Land surrounded by water, you know?

- Land surrounded by water? - Yes. What's that called?

Mud.

Mud! No, they're islands!

The Hebrides are islands. So they're not here indoors.

- Ah, they're outside. - Of course!

Well, I haven't seen them.

Fine. Never mind.

- I haven't been in Paris long. - Fine, fine.

- I don't get out much. - Right. Now go find Madame!

Yes, sir.

That girl doesn't know a thing.

What did she learn in school?

"I didn't put the Hebrides away." I can believe it!

This is very odd.

I find zèbre, zébré, zébrure, zébu...

but not a sign of "Zébrides."

They should be between zébrure and zébu.

You can't find a thing in this dictionary!

Open up!

So you couldn't be bothered to come see me?

Why should I always have to come to you?

Oh, that's right!

We're married. That explains it.

What's that got to do with it?

If I were another man's wife, you'd probably -

Leave me in peace. I'm busy, that's all.

Busy?

The gentleman is busy?

How admirable!

Well, I am!

What?

Are you crazy? You bring your slop bucket in here?

What slop bucket? Where?

There!

That's just Toto's dirty water.

What am I supposed to do with it?

It's not for you. I'm going to empty it.

In here?

No, not in here! What a silly thing to say!

I don't usually empty the bathroom water in your study.

I have some tact. - Couldn't you leave it outside?

You're getting on my nerves!

If it bothers you so much,

you should have come when I asked.

But the gentleman was busy!

Doing what, I ask.

Well... things.

What things?

You know...

things.

I was looking for the Hebrides in the dictionary.

The Hebrides? You plan to go there?

Of course not!

Then what do you care?

Why would a porcelain manufacturer want to know

where the Hebrides are?

I don't.

It's not for me.

It's for Baby. The questions he asks!

Children think their parents know everything.

"Daddy, where are the Hebrides?

"What?"

"Where are the Hebrides?"

Really, now! How should I know?

So you didn't help him? You left him in a fix?

I said, "My son, if I told you, you'd learn nothing that way.

Try to find out yourself.

If you can't, then I'll help."

Yeah? Fat chance!

Then I nonchalantly left the room...

and rushed here to the dictionary,

certain I'd find it there.

But not a trace. Zip!

"Zip"?

I mean... they're not there.

In the dictionary?

Let me see!

See for yourself.

You weren't really...?

What?

You were looking under Z?

Yes.

What? They're not under Z?

Under Z!

No wonder you couldn't find them.

They're not under Z?

He thinks they're under Z!

Then what are they under?

The big porcelain manufacturer!

You'll soon find out!

"Ebonite"... "ebony"

They're under E!

"Ebullience"...

"ebullition"...

How can this be? - What?

They're not there.

So the porcelain maker's wife

can be just as wrong as the porcelain maker!

At least I looked under E.

Makes more sense than Z.

"Makes more sense than Z." Why not H while you're at it?

What do you mean, H?

Why not H indeed?

Ebrides... Hebrides!

That's it!

H... H... H...

What?

"Heb"..."Hebrew"...

"Hebrides."

I found them.

You did? Oh, for God's sake!

Right here.

"The Hebrides: islands off northwest Scotland."

There you go.

To hell with the Hebrides!

I need to talk to you!

It's 11:00! Can't you get dressed?

Mr. and Mrs. Chouilloux are coming for lunch!

I don't give a damn about Mr. and Mrs. Chouilloux!

Well, I do!

I must be very nice to Mr. Chouilloux.

That may well be, but he'll have to wait.

This is about Baby. Between the two, I think the choice is clear.

He'll be here any minute!

You can't receive him in curlers and a dirty dressing gown,

holding a slop bucket and with your stockings around your ankles.

Stop harping on my stockings!

Has Mr. Chouilloux never seen stockings that have fallen down?

Does his wife wake up impeccably dressed?

I wouldn't know, but that's no way to dress

to receive guests coming to lunch for the first time!

I'm properly dressed!

What are you looking for?

- Rubber bands. - What for?

So you'll stop grumbling about my stockings.

Those are for my papers. They're not garters!

If I use them as garters, then they're garters.

I don't believe this!

It's ridiculous dressing up at 11:00 a.m.

for Mr. Chouilloux, that cuckold!

"Cuckold"? What do you mean by that?

- You told me he was. - I did?

Why would I make it up? He's not a friend of mine.

I have no reason to run him down.

No, you can't call him a cuckold!

You did!

I did... when I didn't need him, but now that I do -

- He's not a cuckold anymore? - No! Yes! It's none of our business.

We're not receiving him in that capacity.

Obviously.

Chouilloux could be very useful to me now.

How?

For a big deal I'm working on. It's a long story.

You can be quite the freethinker when money's involved.

Are you bothered that he's a cuckold?

Of course not. I couldn't care less!

But it does bother me that you invited his wife.

You don't invite a gentleman and not his wife.

And her lover, Mr. Truchet? Did you have to invite him?

Of course! It's how it's done.

They're invited everywhere together.

Not inviting Mr. Truchet would be tactless.

Mr. Chouilloux might have wondered.

It's just not done.

How admirable of you!

So we'll have all three, the complete adulterous trio?

How decent of you!

Charming company for your wife,

and a fine example for Toto!

- Oh, Toto's seven now. - He won't always be.

But for the moment he is.

Oh, I see!

You don't care about his moral health

any more than his physical health!

Just what is that supposed to mean?

It's obvious!

For the last hour I've been trying to talk to you

about Baby's health, but I can't get a word in.

If I say "Baby," you say "Chouilloux."

All I hear is Chouilloux this, Chouilloux that.

So what is it? What's the matter?

I need to talk to you!

Then talk!

It's about time.

What?

Couldn't you find another seat?

You think a slop bucket is made to sit on?

What's it matter? I'm fine here.

That's not the point. A slop bucket is not a seat.

Kindly sit in a chair.

You're such a snob!

Now, what's wrong with Baby?

Oh, may I tell you now?

Of course you may!

Well, I'm very upset.

I'm not pleased with Toto. - You're not?

What's he done? - He hasn't been this morning.

He hasn't... been?

Been where?

What do you mean, where?

He hasn't been!

I think it's quite clear.

- Oh, that! - Yes, that.

We tried four times. No luck.

Well, he did go once, but it was nothing.

That big.

And hard.

He must be constipated.

Yes, he's constipated.

What do you want me to do?

What do I want?

I can't go for him!

Oh, that's very nice!

Of course you can't go for him. - Well, then?

A lot of good your going for him would do!

Just because you can't go for someone

doesn't mean you let them die.

You're so heartless!

We'll just have to give him a laxative.

- Of course. - So do it.

Thanks!

I'm not asking permission. I'm asking what to use.

A mineral laxative? A vegetable laxative?

Give him castor oil. He doesn't object, and it works.

No, not castor oil!

I can't stand it. I bring it back up immediately.

Wait a minute.

You're not taking it. Toto is.

It's the same thing! The mere sight of it -

Just the mention of it -

Besides, I don't see why you're making this so difficult.

We have a bottle of mineral oil in the medicine cabinet.

Why can't we use that? Just because you prefer castor oil.

Me?

We have mineral oil. Baby will take that.

So give him mineral oil!

Why even come ask me?

To find out what to do.

Well, it doesn't seem like it.

How dreadful, having to give the child a laxative.

Yes, it's a bother, but it won't kill him.

I should hope not!

Isn't that nice! "It won't kill him."

What a monstrous thing to say! "It won't kill him."

We're talking about your son! He's your child, you know.

You look like you're not sure. Well, he's yours!

I should hope so.

I'm not like Chouilloux's wife.

I don't have my cousins do your work for you.

What are you talking about?

My child is my husband's.

That's enough now. The subject's closed.

We've decided Baby needs a laxative, so give him one!

There'll be a scene.

Too bad!

Now please let me work.

I have to plan my strategy before Mr. Chouilloux arrives.

Go get dressed!

Poor child.

The thought of making him take a laxative makes me ill.

Julie.

What?

Please take your bucket.

I've seen quite enough of it.

Why all this fuss about my bucket?

If it's not Chouilloux, it's my bucket!

That's all I ever hear!

I assure you my study is no place for your slop bucket!

- You've got some nerve. - Why?

You moan about my slop bucket

while you walk around with a chamber pot!

A chamber pot?

Unless you're launching a new line of hats.

You dare compare your slop bucket to this?

Your slop bucket is just...

a slop bucket,

a vile object to be kept out of sight.

While this is -

It's a chamber pot.

A vile object...

to be kept out of sight.

Sure, for you and the ignorant masses.

For me it's something more noble and grand!

I'm not ashamed to hold it high.

It's the fruit of all my effort and industry.

My stock in trade. My daily bread!

Then eat up, dear.

You won't laugh when it brings in 800,000 francs.

800,000 francs from chamber pots?

Exactly!

Surprised?

If it's the will of God - and Chouilloux - it will happen.

What's all this nonsense?

Here's what you don't know.

The government today has just one concern:

improving soldiers' lives.

They're pampered and wrapped in cotton wool.

And from now on, each soldier is to have his own chamber pot.

With his name and serial number.

Just imagine!

So I'm submitting a bid,

and Chouilloux has appeared like a deus ex machina.

He's the president of the examining committee.

Since I hold the patent for unbreakable porcelain,

if Chouilloux persuades the committee

to use that material,

my fortune is made.

And where will that get you?

I'd hit the jackpot!

Overnight I'd become the sole supplier

for the French army!

The supplier of chamber pots for the French army?

Of all the chamber pots for the French army!

- Will people know about this? - You bet they will!

No.

I won't be the wife of a man who sells chamber pots!

- Think about the fortune! - I don't care. It's disgusting.

Just think!

Perhaps I can arrange things and use a front man.

But don't ruin everything.

And be nice to Chouilloux when he's here!

I'm not in the habit of being rude to guests.

I know how to behave. - I'm sure you do -

- My father received Félix Faure. - You weren't even born then.

Perhaps, but he received him all the same.

Fine. Now go get dressed, give Baby his laxative,

and get your slop bucket out of here.

All right, all right! I'm taking my bucket!

Please! You needn't keep telling me what I should do.

Mr. Follavoine, please.

- Mr. Chouilloux? - That's right.

Let's see now.

Given that in peacetime

the French army numbers 300,000 men,

if each man gets one chamber pot,

and each pot returns a profit of -

Bastien, come here!

- Not your bucket again! - Baby won't take his laxative.

Take that away!

- You're getting on my nerves! - What?

"Take that away!"

I'm not your servant! - What's that?

It's true! I do everything around here.

If my bucket bothers you, take it away yourself!

- You've gone mad! - Keep it. It's a present.

Take it away!

Mr. Chouilloux.

Hello, Mr. Follavoine.

Get the hell out - Oh, pardon me, Mr. Chouilloux!

Here already? - Am I early?

Absolutely not!

I was just chatting with the missus,

and I didn't hear you ring.

Your maid let me in.

I don't yet have the gift of walking through walls.

Charming!

Oh, I beg your pardon.

My wife brought that in earlier, and she got distracted -

Rose!

- Yes, sir? - Get in here!

I'm so embarrassed. The first time I have the honor -

- You're too kind. - I speak from the heart.

You're really too kind.

- Did you call? - Take Madame's bucket away.

- What's it doing in here? - She left it here... by mistake.

- She must be looking for it. - Yes, now run along!

And tell her Mr. Chouilloux is here.

There's no need to disturb her.

It's all right. If I don't hurry her a bit -

Women are never ready.

That's not the case with my wife.

She's the first up every morning, and then it's off for her jog.

I'm too old for that, so her cousin goes with her.

Yes, so I've heard.

It suits me perfectly.

It keeps it in the family.

It keeps it in the family, and I don't get tired out.

I see you've been working on our business matter.

This is the chamber pot.

Ah, you recognized it?

Of course.

It looks well made.

Oh, very well made.

So this is unbreakable porcelain?

Absolutely!

I ask because that's what was of particular interest

to the Undersecretary of State and me.

After careful consideration, we don't want ordinary porcelain.

- I understand. - It breaks so easily.

So easily!

- A waste of government money. - Absolutely!

Whereas this is reliable.

It will last forever.

You're an expert. Hold it in your hands.

- I'm no expert. - Yes, you are!

Feel how light it is.

How odd! It's lighter than it looks.

And it feels good in your hands.

It really does. I have to admit -

Come on. I'm through kidding around.

Drink it. - I don't want a laxative!

I said to drink it!

I don't want to!

This child!

Come on, Toto.

We also looked at enameled pots.

They're not bad either.

No, not enamel!

- Why not? - Because -

Believe me, it's not a question of personal interest.

But enamel quickly starts to smell.

And it's not as clean as porcelain.

This is wonderful stuff.

Of course there are pros and cons.

Not to mention hygiene.

I'm sure you know that most cases of appendicitis

are caused by enamel utensils.

Well, given the use we had in mind -

But you never know.

Today's youth can be so frivolous.

They christen it by making a hot punch in it.

The heat makes the enamel crack and flake off.

They drink it and swallow the flakes. You know how it is.

Well, I've never drunk punch out of a -

- No, but you were a soldier. - Not really.

I went for my physical, I stripped naked,

and they said, "You're short-sighted."

That decided my military career.

My entire career has been at the War Ministry.

Well, trust me: You don't want enamel.

Choose hard rubber or celluloid, if you like,

but in the long run, nothing compares to porcelain.

Its only defect is its fragility,

but we've solved that problem.

I'll show you. Excuse me.

I'm just going to -

- Ah, sorry. - I'll show you.

You'll see.

You'll see how sturdy it is.

That way, sir.

No, I mean stay here, but look that way.

Ready? Watch carefully.

Ready? - Yes.

One...

two...

three!

There.

It broke!

It broke.

Yes, it definitely broke.

It's not an optical illusion.

No! It really did break.

It's very odd. This has never happened before.

Perhaps it had a flaw.

Perhaps. I don't know.

But I'm not sorry this happened. - No?

It simply shows that the exception confirms the rule.

Because they never break.

- Never? - Never!

Well, maybe one in a thousand.

One in a thousand?

In fact, I'll show you.

I have another one in here.

Don't worry about that one. It wasn't fired correctly.

- It was undercooked! - Exactly!

Ready? - Yes.

- Watch carefully. Ready? - Yes.

One...

two...

No, you throw it.

- Me? - Yes, you'll get a better idea.

Go on!

Go ahead!

One...

No, really... - What's the problem?

It's the first time I've ever bowled with a -

What are you afraid of?

It happens one time out of a thousand.

One... two... three.

There!

It broke.

Yes, I guess it did.

It broke. - Two in a thousand.

That's right.

I don't understand. This is extremely rare.

It's extraordinary. I don't get it.

It must be the way we tossed them,

because I swear,

when my foreman throws them, they never break.

- Is that so? - Never!

Wait till your father hears about this!

I'm going to go get him!

In any case...

you got to see the difference

between normal porcelain and unbreakable porcelain.

But these tests weren't conclusive enough to convince you.

But I quite understand. They're the same pots,

but instead of breaking, they don't break.

- Exactly! - Quite interesting.

Bastien, come with me!

That boy's driving me mad!

Are you crazy coming in here like that?

Mr. Chouilloux - - I don't give a damn about him.

- What? - No, nothing.

Please!

Mr. Chouilloux... my wife.

- Madame. - Good morning, sir.

Please excuse my appearance. - Not at all.

A beautiful woman is lovely in any attire.

Very kind.

Now come with me.

Baby won't take his laxative.

Sorry, but we're having a serious discussion.

I can't deal with your son's laxative now.

See what kind of father he is!

Please go get dressed!

You think I care how I look right now!

- Is your child ill? - Yes.

It's nothing!

He hasn't been this morning!

- His intestines are a bit sluggish. - He calls that nothing.

Because it's not his intestines! - He just needs a laxative.

Well, just try giving him one!

That's why I came to get you.

I get all the unpleasant chores around here.

You'd think it was something serious!

Perhaps it's not that serious, but it's nothing to take lightly.

There! You hear that? He knows.

- Is that true, Mr. Chouilloux? - Of course.

Is the boy - pardon the expression -

prone to constipation?

Yes, he does have that tendency.

Then you have to keep an eye on it,

because it could develop into serious enteritis.

You see?

I know of what I speak.

I had a case of it that lasted five years.

- Poor Baby! - Thank you.

What?

Sorry. I thought you meant me.

Yes, I caught it in the War.

- 1914? - No, 1922.

There was no war in 1922.

I meant at the War Ministry, where I work.

I see.

- Mr. Chouilloux is - - I know.

I'd drink any old water.

I used to say...

"Microbes - bah! Tap water's fine."

But I got sick and had to go to Plombières three years in a row.

So Baby should go to Plombières?

No, in his case, Châtel-Guyon would be better.

Your son's enteritis seems to be of the constipated type.

In my case, it was -

Shall we sit down? - Of course!

This is all terribly interesting!

My enteritis -

pardon my indiscretion -

was characterized by loose bowels.

How very interesting!

So Plombières was prescribed. It was quite a regime.

And what's it like at Châtel-Guyon?

I can't say. I've never been there.

I was at Plombières.

I had an enema every morning, a quart or so.

I don't care about that. Do you know if Châtel-Guyon -

I don't know, ma'am. I've never been there.

Then I'd have a bath for an hour,

followed by a massage.

Then for lunch, nothing but bland food:

purees, macaroni, rice pudding.

But what about Châtel-Guyon?

He keeps telling you he's never been there!

- I'm sorry, ma'am. - He can only speak of Plombières.

I don't give a damn about that.

Why should I care about his treatment at Plombières?

Baby needs Châtel-Guyon.

Forgive me.

Mr. Chouilloux is an intelligent man. He understands me.

Certainly.

He may as well talk about cod fishing in Canada.

It may be interesting, but it has nothing to do with Baby.

True.

I'm not here to listen to stories. Baby needs a laxative.

Fine! Go give him one!

- Will you excuse me? - Certainly, ma'am.

- Aren't you coming? - No!

Some father!

That's enough! And get dressed.

Some father you are!

The nerve, coming in here dressed like that!

Your wife seems quite charming.

Oh, yes, delightful!

Absolutely wonderful!

Sometimes she's a bit...

but aside from that, she's delightful.

Go on!

So there's really nothing wrong with your boy?

Nothing!

But try telling her that.

Now that you've told her about Châtel-Guyon,

she'll hear of nothing else.

Forgive me. That's my fault.

Not at all!

But when you started telling her about Plombières,

I almost bust a gut laughing.

- She wasn't remotely interested! - Not in the slightest!

Poor Mrs. Follavoine. And here I thought -

Now we'll see what your father has to say!

He's furious with you!

Go on.

Would you tell your son -

- What in heaven's - - Come on!

I told Toto you were furious.

If he sees you laughing hilariously -

- What is it now? - "What is it now?"

You need to make your son obey.

Give him his laxative. - Me?

Here's the bottle and the glass. I give up.

What's this got to do with me?

You're his father. Show some authority.

Please forgive me.

Young man, I'm very upset!

I don't care. I'm not taking it.

- What? - That's all he says.

Come now. A big boy like you -

What's this? Say hello.

- I'm not taking a laxative! - No one asked you.

Little brat! If you think -

- Are you crazy? - Oh, hell!

We can't not give him his laxative.

His tongue is all white. Show the gentleman.

One moment.

Let's see now. - Stick out your tongue.

It looks more black to me.

That's because he's been doing his homework.

But you can tell his breath's not right.

Blow in the gentleman's face.

- No, thank you. - You object to a child's breath?

- No, but - - Well, then!

Blow in the gentleman's face.

No, please...

It's quite unnecessary. I can tell just fine.

So what's wrong, my friend?

What's your name?

Tell him your name.

- I don't want a laxative! - His name is Toto.

It's short for Hervé. - How curious.

And how old are you? Six?

He's seven.

So you're seven years old, and your name is Toto.

Now, when we're seven and our name is Toto,

do we make a fuss over a little laxative?

I don't care. I'm not taking it.

Will you act like this later when you go off to war?

Oh, hush!

I don't care. I won't go!

If there's a war, you'll have to.

I'll go to Switzerland.

That's my darling.

Such an intelligent boy!

So this is how you raise your son?

Of course not!

It's naughty to say such things. You hear, Hervé?

Leave the boy alone.

Don't upset him with grown-up matters.

Come now, sweetie. Be a good boy.

Be reasonable. Do it for Mommy.

Take your laxative.

- No, I won't! - But you have to!

If you had obeyed right away, it would all be over.

I don't want to!

- Be reasonable! - No.

Little man, when I was your age,

just a little boy,

when my parents told me to do something -

Shut your trap!

- What? - No, nothing!

Sorry.

That's enough!

You'll do as you're told, you little runt!

Are you mad? Don't push him around!

He told him to shut his trap!

So? They're not four-letter words!

Poor dear...

Blast it all!

Your father's a mean man. Good thing Mommy's here.

That's right. Fill his head with ideas!

It's your fault, ill-treating a poor sick child.

Then from now on don't ask for my help.

Go on, now. Take your laxative.

I don't want to!

Come on.

Do it for me.

I don't want to!

Come on, sweetie.

Do it for Mommy.

No!

See what you've done now!

- Me? - Yes, you!

Listen, Toto...

if you take your laxative, I'll give you a peppermint.

I want the mint first.

- No, after. - No, before!

Fine, you can have it first.

But you promise to take your laxative after that?

- Yes. - Fine. I believe you.

You promise? Word of honor?

Yes.

Fine. I trust you.

Daddy. Bastien!

Bring me the box of mints.

Sorry you have to witness this little domestic scene.

No, it's interesting for a man with no children.

Here it is. Open wide, sweetie.

I didn't ask you to lunch for this.

- Wasn't that good? - Yes.

Now take your laxative.

I don't want it!

You see?

Come on, Toto! I gave you a mint!

That child!

"That child!" Is that all you can say?

How about helping instead? I'm at the end of my rope.

What do you expect me to do?

Nothing, naturally!

For heaven's sake!

Where are you going?

To try something else!

You picked a fine day to invite people for lunch!

What?

What did Mrs. Follavoine say?

Oh, nothing.

She just said she wasn't sure what time we'll be having lunch.

Oh, anytime is fine.

It's very naughty to break a promise!

Right, Mr. Chouilloux? - I'm staying out of this.

Here we are. I brought another glass.

Now, to get Baby to take his mineral oil...

Daddy will have a big glass too.

- What! - Won't you?

Not a chance, thank you!

You won't help?

I'm not taking a laxative! You drink it!

- You won't do it for your son? - My son?

He's your son too!

So it's back to me again!

I have to do everything!

Haven't I done enough for him since he was born?

And before that!

Wasn't it enough carrying him for nine months in my womb?

In your womb? What are you going on about?

- Mommy? - Yes, sweetie?

Why did you carry me in your womb and not Daddy?

Why?

Because if we had to rely on your father...!

But since he knew it had to be me -

Is this a topic for a child?

You should have found another man.

"Another man"! Charming!

- Oh, all men are alike. - I won't be like that.

Darling, at least you have a good heart!

This is ridiculous!

No, it's charming. The things children come up with!

See the difference between a mother and a father?

Your father won't even take the laxative with you.

I don't want him to.

Hear that? He's more sensible than you.

He doesn't want his daddy to drink it.

I want him to drink it!

What?

You want the gentleman to drink it?

Then we'll have him drink it.

- No, you don't! - Go away!

The ill-mannered brat -

Please!

Please, just have a little

to make Toto happy.

It's nothing!

Just half a glass.

He didn't come here for a laxative!

What's the big fuss? It's just mineral oil.

That may be, but -

I expect that from a child, but not an adult!

Come on! - Julie, please!

Sorry, but as I explained earlier, I have sensitive bowels.

That's right!

Half a glass isn't going to hurt his bowels!

And if it comes down to Baby's health

or your bowels, I think -

I'm not even sure a laxative would help your son.

Oh, please!

To say that in front of the boy - that's too much!

Forgive me, ma'am.

After all the tact I've had to use on the boy,

now you tell him he doesn't need a laxative!

I'm sorry. I thought -

You thought!

What would you know?

Where did you learn anything? At Plombières?

Their regime is entirely different!

I'm terribly sorry, ma'am.

- Julie, that's enough! - It's true!

I don't carry on about his wife and her cousin

making him a cuckold.

A cuckold?

What did you say? My wife... and Truchet?

It's not true!

I can't breathe!

There now! Couldn't you have done that right off

instead of making such a scene?

Mr. Chouilloux, I'm so sorry!

- No, not that way! - That way.

Not that way either! This way.

Second door on the left!

You've really outdone yourself this time!

He shouldn't interfere in other people's business.

You called him a cuckold!

- Isn't he? - That's no reason to tell him!

Mommy.

- You want your laxative now? - No.

What's a cuckold?

It's that man who just left.

No, don't tell the boy that!

Well, if he'd drunk it right off -

Sure, give him a laxative!

Guests should drink what they're offered.

The man has no manners.

He's never been here before,

and he goes on about his loose bowels!

Was he raised in a barn?

You asked him to clear out his bowels!

I asked him to clear out his bowels?

I did no such thing!

I just asked him to drink a little mineral oil.

- The result's the same! - Well, that's his problem.

In the end he drank it anyway,

so what's the big deal?

I can kiss my army contract good-bye!

- That's all you think about. - How do I patch things up now?

- Mrs. Chouilloux and Mr. Truchet. - You deal with them!

I don't even know them!

I don't care!

Bastien!

Men!

Mrs. Follavoine, I presume?

No.

I mean yes.

Pleased to meet you. I was afraid we were late...

but I see we're not.

My cousin Mr. Truchet, whom you so kindly invited.

I do hope we haven't put you out.

- Is he in there? - Yes, sir.

Isn't Mr. Follavoine here?

Yes, he's in there.

With the cuckold.

What?

No, nothing.

One of my husband's employees.

Mr. Chouilloux!

- Ah, Adhéaume. - Miserable wretch!

- What? - Behold my adulterous wife!

Me?

- And my treacherous friend! - Come now!

And me, the cuckold!

Dear God!

But it's not true!

Who told you that?

Who? Ask this lady or this gentleman.

But it's not true!

Darling!

You've seen the last of me. And you can expect my seconds.

- Darling! - My friend!

You told him that. - It's all a misunderstanding.

You'll pay for this.

- Good God! - I await your seconds.

Good God!

Happy with all the trouble you've caused?

Me? You dare say it's my fault?

Of course. You invited them all for lunch.

Me?

Oh, please! You're always doing this sort of thing.

Ah, no! It's always my fault!

I'm facing a duel thanks to her, and it's my fault!

She's driving me crazy!

Super!

Mommy? - What is it?

Mommy, come here!

- What do you want? - I drank it!

I drank the laxative.

Oh, sweetheart!

You drank it! What a good boy!

See? It wasn't so bad.

I can't take it anymore!

I'm leaving for good!

Bastien...

Baby took his laxative.

I don't give a damn!

He doesn't give a damn.

Your father doesn't give a damn!

Luckily you have your mother.

Love her all you can.

Love her all you can.

RESTORED AND DIGITIZED FROM THE ORIGINAL NITRATE NEGATIVES

AND A SAFETY DUPLICATE NEGATIVE