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1
00:00:00,001 --> 00:00:02,671
Announcer:
You're watching the simpsons.
2
00:00:02,670 --> 00:00:05,340
You know your life sucks.
Just get drunk
like you always do.
3
00:00:05,339 --> 00:00:09,479
And check out our other fox
programs, brooklyn nine-nine,
4
00:00:09,477 --> 00:00:11,607
Bob's burgers and family guy.
5
00:00:11,612 --> 00:00:14,512
What is this,
and how can I make the rest
of my life about it?
6
00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:15,745
Only on fox.
7
00:00:19,452 --> 00:00:21,522
(patty and selma cackling)
8
00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:28,056
(exclaiming)
9
00:00:32,966 --> 00:00:34,966
(school bell ringing)
10
00:00:36,836 --> 00:00:38,036
(barney belches)
11
00:00:38,039 --> 00:00:39,299
(tires screech)
12
00:00:41,074 --> 00:00:42,914
D'oh!
13
00:00:42,910 --> 00:00:43,980
(tires screech)
14
00:00:43,978 --> 00:00:45,078
Ugh!
15
00:00:50,183 --> 00:00:52,253
I'm too fat!
16
00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:55,820
Still too fat!
17
00:00:55,823 --> 00:00:56,893
Ugh!
18
00:00:56,891 --> 00:00:58,821
(groans)
19
00:00:58,826 --> 00:01:00,886
♪
20
00:01:07,534 --> 00:01:09,574
(tires screech)
21
00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:11,840
Come on, sir. You'll be late
for your appointment.
22
00:01:11,839 --> 00:01:14,509
Hush! No one must know I'm not
in perfect mental health.
23
00:01:14,508 --> 00:01:16,408
The kaiser would
be furious!
24
00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:18,580
♪
25
00:01:21,781 --> 00:01:22,851
(coin clanks)
26
00:01:26,853 --> 00:01:29,793
Hip joints!
Who wants a hip joint?
27
00:01:29,790 --> 00:01:32,790
Eyeballs! Can't see
without your eyeballs!
28
00:01:32,793 --> 00:01:36,033
Euthanasia!
Sweet, sweet euthanasia!
29
00:01:36,030 --> 00:01:37,800
Ooh. Can I buy it as a gift?
30
00:01:37,798 --> 00:01:38,958
No!
31
00:01:44,804 --> 00:01:46,374
Mm.
32
00:01:46,373 --> 00:01:48,713
Hmm.
33
00:01:48,709 --> 00:01:49,979
(groans)
34
00:01:49,977 --> 00:01:51,777
Come on in, monty.
35
00:01:51,779 --> 00:01:55,779
I believe last week we were
discussing your anger issues.
36
00:01:55,783 --> 00:01:57,553
Anger issues?
37
00:01:57,551 --> 00:01:59,551
Anger issues?!
38
00:01:59,553 --> 00:02:00,993
Anger issues?
39
00:02:00,988 --> 00:02:03,158
Anger issues?!
40
00:02:03,157 --> 00:02:06,057
Yeah, all right, I'm afraid
our 50 minutes are almost up.
41
00:02:06,060 --> 00:02:08,130
Sorry. You were saying?
42
00:02:11,164 --> 00:02:13,574
(sighs) monty, I give up.
43
00:02:13,567 --> 00:02:15,967
After only 70 years of therapy?
44
00:02:15,970 --> 00:02:17,000
You're never gonna change.
45
00:02:17,004 --> 00:02:19,514
You-you will never have this.
46
00:02:19,507 --> 00:02:22,567
A cheap piece of plastic
with photos of ugly people?
47
00:02:22,576 --> 00:02:25,506
That is my family--
people who love me.
48
00:02:25,513 --> 00:02:26,853
Yes, you're right.
49
00:02:26,847 --> 00:02:28,907
I should consider
encasing people in plastic.
50
00:02:28,916 --> 00:02:31,476
Then I could always see
the look of fear in their faces.
51
00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:33,685
(chuckles)
yeah, we're finished
here. Get out.
52
00:02:33,687 --> 00:02:36,257
May I remind you I'm paying you
five dollars an hour?
53
00:02:36,257 --> 00:02:39,157
Oi! Why did I lock in
at that rate?
54
00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:40,330
(door buzzes)
55
00:02:42,962 --> 00:02:44,002
(groans)
56
00:02:43,998 --> 00:02:45,028
(thud)
57
00:02:45,032 --> 00:02:46,532
What? (gasps)
58
00:02:48,701 --> 00:02:50,141
Hmm. No pulse.
59
00:02:50,137 --> 00:02:51,897
Oh, wait, that's me.
60
00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:54,939
Dead. So sad.
61
00:02:54,942 --> 00:02:57,012
He was a true friend.
62
00:02:57,011 --> 00:03:00,151
Mm-hmm. Excellent.
63
00:03:00,147 --> 00:03:02,377
(trumpet playing taps)
64
00:03:02,383 --> 00:03:05,983
I can't believe
dr. Nussbaum's dead.
65
00:03:05,986 --> 00:03:09,116
Um, we've had
a lot of therapists.
66
00:03:09,123 --> 00:03:10,563
Which one was he again?
67
00:03:10,558 --> 00:03:13,488
He was the one who
helped us communicate.
68
00:03:13,494 --> 00:03:14,864
You never listen
to a word I say!
69
00:03:14,862 --> 00:03:17,002
I have to listen
all day at work.
70
00:03:16,997 --> 00:03:18,457
You're not listening now.
I'm listened out!
71
00:03:18,465 --> 00:03:19,965
What? "listened out."
72
00:03:19,967 --> 00:03:21,667
Not listening,
not listening...
What does that even mean?
73
00:03:21,669 --> 00:03:24,299
Let's hear what the children
have to say.
74
00:03:24,305 --> 00:03:26,905
I'm gonna wet the bed
to get their attention.
Homer: Not listening...
75
00:03:26,907 --> 00:03:28,067
You're the one
sleeping in it.
76
00:03:28,075 --> 00:03:30,405
I didn't say
I'd wet my bed.
77
00:03:30,411 --> 00:03:31,681
Please, marge!
Do we have to burden
78
00:03:31,679 --> 00:03:33,679
Dr. Nussbaum
with our problems?
(all arguing)
79
00:03:33,681 --> 00:03:34,881
Maggie talk!
80
00:03:34,882 --> 00:03:35,882
The man has
problems of his own!
81
00:03:35,883 --> 00:03:37,853
Maggie talk!
82
00:03:37,851 --> 00:03:38,821
(arguing continues)
83
00:03:38,819 --> 00:03:42,289
No one listen?
Maggie never talk again.
84
00:03:43,823 --> 00:03:45,993
That's not what happened.
That's exactly what happened.
85
00:03:45,993 --> 00:03:47,733
I believe I remember
what happened, marge.
86
00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:48,988
How could you remember?
87
00:03:48,996 --> 00:03:50,826
You were looking at your
phone half the time.
88
00:03:50,831 --> 00:03:52,861
When you have four bar
wi-fi, you use it!
89
00:03:52,866 --> 00:03:56,266
Oh, look. It's the ugly
people from the cube.
90
00:03:56,270 --> 00:03:58,070
(gasps)
rabbi: Uh, if
we can begin.
91
00:03:58,072 --> 00:03:59,502
Oh, of course.
92
00:03:59,506 --> 00:04:01,906
Oh, this man meant
a great deal to me.
93
00:04:01,909 --> 00:04:03,739
And helping out
with the cost of this service
94
00:04:03,744 --> 00:04:04,944
Was the least I could do.
95
00:04:04,945 --> 00:04:06,245
(crowd murmurs)
very sweet.
96
00:04:06,247 --> 00:04:08,707
Smithers?
97
00:04:08,716 --> 00:04:10,216
(crowd booing loudly)
98
00:04:10,217 --> 00:04:12,017
For shame! (grunts)
99
00:04:16,856 --> 00:04:18,286
(tires screech)
100
00:04:18,292 --> 00:04:20,792
(sighs) stoned at a funeral.
101
00:04:20,794 --> 00:04:23,264
Ooh, wow!
Where's the funeral?
102
00:04:25,365 --> 00:04:27,525
(chuckles):
Oh! Just what I wanted.
103
00:04:27,534 --> 00:04:29,334
Just get me home quickly.
104
00:04:30,536 --> 00:04:33,936
("pomp and circumstance"
playing)
105
00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:37,811
And this year's nobel prize
for physics goes to...
106
00:04:37,811 --> 00:04:40,011
Professor john frink.
107
00:04:41,948 --> 00:04:43,948
(crowd cheering)
108
00:04:45,318 --> 00:04:46,388
(horn honks)
109
00:04:46,387 --> 00:04:47,987
Frink:
Ah, thank you, queen sonya,
110
00:04:47,988 --> 00:04:50,158
And all the people at hbo--
111
00:04:50,157 --> 00:04:52,717
The, uh, higgs boson
observatory.
112
00:04:52,726 --> 00:04:53,726
You'll see there.
113
00:04:53,727 --> 00:04:54,727
(tires screech, car crashes)
114
00:04:54,728 --> 00:04:55,958
Oi! Oiven!
115
00:04:55,963 --> 00:04:58,003
I-I didn't mean
to hit him, sir.
116
00:04:57,998 --> 00:04:59,998
Well, how could a man
in his right mind
117
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:02,000
Miss a car heading
right towards him?
118
00:05:02,002 --> 00:05:03,002
(truck horn blares)
119
00:05:03,003 --> 00:05:04,273
Man:
Idiot!
120
00:05:04,271 --> 00:05:07,171
I think it's this headpiece
he's wearing, sir.
121
00:05:07,174 --> 00:05:10,114
If I may ask, what makes
this device so enchanting
122
00:05:10,110 --> 00:05:11,810
That you ignore
the real world?
123
00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:14,482
Is there a milkmaid
skipping rope?
124
00:05:18,184 --> 00:05:20,024
Oi! Gloivick!
125
00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:22,650
The oculus frink--
or froculus--
126
00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:26,356
Provides you with a complete
virtual reality experience.
127
00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:29,630
(groans) letting you live
in a world of your dreams.
128
00:05:29,630 --> 00:05:30,830
Goi!
129
00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:32,501
(mutters)
130
00:05:34,767 --> 00:05:37,837
To adjust the focus, turn
the dial on the side. Oi.
131
00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:43,877
Now for the after-party!
132
00:05:43,877 --> 00:05:46,447
(lively orchestral music
playing)
133
00:05:51,851 --> 00:05:53,151
I must have it!
134
00:05:53,153 --> 00:05:55,293
Oh, uh, can you
drop me off first?
135
00:06:01,561 --> 00:06:03,631
♪
136
00:06:12,004 --> 00:06:13,844
Hmm, not bad. Next?
137
00:06:13,841 --> 00:06:15,841
This is still a new
technology, sir.
138
00:06:15,843 --> 00:06:18,713
At the moment, it's really
just lots of pornography,
139
00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:21,012
A roller coaster,
pornography, pornography,
140
00:06:21,014 --> 00:06:22,914
Burger king ad,
pornography,
141
00:06:22,916 --> 00:06:24,916
And... And this one.
142
00:06:24,918 --> 00:06:26,918
♪
143
00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:27,950
(dragon squawks)
144
00:06:30,690 --> 00:06:32,920
(roaring)
145
00:06:32,926 --> 00:06:34,086
(squawks)
146
00:06:34,094 --> 00:06:36,404
Dragon porn.
147
00:06:36,397 --> 00:06:37,997
(both moaning)
148
00:06:37,998 --> 00:06:39,328
Oh, yeah.
149
00:06:39,333 --> 00:06:41,233
Oh, yeah. Oh.
Oh, flame on, baby.
150
00:06:41,235 --> 00:06:42,265
Flame on!
151
00:06:42,269 --> 00:06:43,569
Hot! Hot!
152
00:06:43,570 --> 00:06:44,900
Don't tell
my wife, okay?
153
00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:46,195
Smithers:
Oh, sorry, sir.
154
00:06:46,206 --> 00:06:47,936
This one is also pornography.
155
00:06:47,941 --> 00:06:49,741
Oh, so boring.
156
00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:50,743
(fabric rips)
157
00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:52,344
Trim those nails, smithers.
158
00:06:52,346 --> 00:06:54,376
Uh, sir,
if I might suggest,
159
00:06:54,381 --> 00:06:56,521
The last thing
your therapist said was,
160
00:06:56,517 --> 00:06:57,747
"you need a family."
161
00:06:57,751 --> 00:06:59,451
(chuckles):
I don't need anyone.
162
00:07:00,453 --> 00:07:03,723
We could program
a virtual family for you, sir.
163
00:07:03,724 --> 00:07:05,764
A virtual family. Yes.
164
00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:07,189
Meanwhile, let me
see the one again
165
00:07:07,194 --> 00:07:09,394
Where I shoot the
beloved lion in africa.
166
00:07:09,396 --> 00:07:10,956
That was reality, sir.
167
00:07:10,964 --> 00:07:13,574
Mm. I've lived
quite the life.
168
00:07:13,567 --> 00:07:14,797
Quite the life.
169
00:07:14,802 --> 00:07:16,472
Ooh!
170
00:07:16,470 --> 00:07:18,040
(crow caws)
171
00:07:18,038 --> 00:07:20,638
Uh, we only need three
children, thanks.
172
00:07:20,641 --> 00:07:23,041
Oh, what kind of coal mine
you runnin'?
173
00:07:24,310 --> 00:07:28,480
You, wife, look at me lovingly,
as if I'm your husband.
174
00:07:29,649 --> 00:07:31,819
Eh, can you ask for a
look of indifference?
175
00:07:31,819 --> 00:07:33,419
I think she can do that.
176
00:07:33,420 --> 00:07:35,790
Luann, pretend
it's my birthday.
177
00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:36,889
Next.
178
00:07:36,890 --> 00:07:38,960
You promised me a job, dad!
179
00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:41,129
I was gonna buy a fat barbie.
180
00:07:41,128 --> 00:07:42,828
It's curvy barbie.
181
00:07:42,830 --> 00:07:45,930
And that would mean
you have to buy all new clothes.
182
00:07:45,933 --> 00:07:47,303
(crow caws)
183
00:07:47,301 --> 00:07:49,571
Uh, this thing says
all families in the plant
184
00:07:49,570 --> 00:07:50,970
Are required to try out.
185
00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:52,301
So far, so good.
186
00:07:52,306 --> 00:07:55,106
Two-and-a-half children,
wife with current hairstyle.
187
00:07:55,108 --> 00:07:56,408
You're all hired.
188
00:07:56,410 --> 00:07:58,480
Except you, fatso.
We don't need a father.
189
00:07:58,479 --> 00:08:00,249
I'll be the rooster
in this henhouse.
190
00:08:00,247 --> 00:08:01,907
That is so disappointing.
191
00:08:01,915 --> 00:08:04,645
I've always wanted
to work for mr. Burns.
192
00:08:07,987 --> 00:08:09,917
Okay, family scene.
193
00:08:09,923 --> 00:08:11,663
And... Action.
194
00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:13,118
(steam hissing)
195
00:08:13,126 --> 00:08:14,186
(sucking noises)
196
00:08:24,270 --> 00:08:27,370
This isn't a word I use
lightly, but... Excellent.
197
00:08:27,374 --> 00:08:28,844
Oh, smithers, one favor:
198
00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:31,242
Make the children
look like they're mine.
199
00:08:33,179 --> 00:08:35,949
No, no, no!
It's too beautiful.
200
00:08:35,949 --> 00:08:37,819
Like a supreme court
full of scalias.
201
00:08:37,818 --> 00:08:40,048
Switch to something else.
202
00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:46,655
Burns:
That's good.
203
00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:48,160
What's the matter, homer?
204
00:08:48,161 --> 00:08:49,561
Last night,
marge and the kids
205
00:08:49,563 --> 00:08:51,733
Didn't get home
till 11:00 at night.
206
00:08:51,732 --> 00:08:53,902
When I came back from
moe's at 11:05,
207
00:08:53,901 --> 00:08:55,901
They were still taking
off their coats!
208
00:08:55,903 --> 00:08:59,913
I hear old man burns is just
living in a fantasy world now.
209
00:08:59,907 --> 00:09:01,467
En garde! (laughs)
210
00:09:01,475 --> 00:09:02,865
Mm, must be nice.
211
00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:06,136
Hey, there he is.
Wonder what he's watching now.
212
00:09:06,146 --> 00:09:07,546
Home movies.
213
00:09:08,481 --> 00:09:13,391
♪ happy birthday, dear burnsie
214
00:09:13,387 --> 00:09:17,887
♪ happy birthday to you
215
00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:20,161
♪ and maybe more.
216
00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:22,690
(chuckles)
thank you, thank you.
217
00:09:22,696 --> 00:09:24,526
Now, your mother's
going to take me upstairs
218
00:09:24,531 --> 00:09:27,001
To give me... Her present.
219
00:09:28,334 --> 00:09:31,374
(marge moaning suggestively)
220
00:09:31,371 --> 00:09:34,541
Burns: Oh, smithers,
could you remove the ankle bar?
221
00:09:34,541 --> 00:09:37,411
More. More. More.
222
00:09:37,411 --> 00:09:38,981
(moans)
oh...
223
00:09:40,279 --> 00:09:42,109
(chuckles):
Oh, that was wonderful.
224
00:09:42,115 --> 00:09:44,545
I'm picking up
your ten-year options.
225
00:09:44,551 --> 00:09:45,921
Ten years?!
226
00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:47,849
Oh, now, now, no discussion.
227
00:09:47,854 --> 00:09:49,354
We're a family now.
228
00:09:50,890 --> 00:09:53,630
Ugh! What is that?
A river otter?
229
00:09:56,095 --> 00:09:57,755
(dog howls)
230
00:09:57,764 --> 00:10:00,534
(groans)
we're not coming home, homie.
231
00:10:00,534 --> 00:10:03,304
What? What do I do
without you here?
232
00:10:03,303 --> 00:10:06,743
You can do what you did
with me there: Go to moe's.
233
00:10:06,740 --> 00:10:08,370
Aw, it's not the same
234
00:10:08,375 --> 00:10:11,405
If I'm not trying to avoid
some unpleasant chore.
235
00:10:11,411 --> 00:10:12,941
Oh. You could
clean out the attic.
236
00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:14,346
Going to moe's!
(line clicks, dial tone)
237
00:10:15,314 --> 00:10:17,124
Eh, no one
to go home to, huh?
238
00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:19,217
Yeah, take it from me,
that's rough.
239
00:10:19,219 --> 00:10:20,219
Yeah.
240
00:10:20,220 --> 00:10:21,720
Heading back to an empty house.
241
00:10:21,722 --> 00:10:23,662
No one there
to tell you what to do,
242
00:10:23,657 --> 00:10:25,417
No kids fighting all the time.
243
00:10:25,425 --> 00:10:26,655
Wait a minute.
244
00:10:26,660 --> 00:10:28,960
I can eat dinner
in any room of the house!
245
00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:31,502
And not the scary ones like
the basement and bart's bedroom.
246
00:10:31,498 --> 00:10:33,898
And I can drink at home!
247
00:10:33,900 --> 00:10:36,300
Whoa, whoa!
You're twisting my words there.
248
00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:38,803
That would be cheaper!
And I wouldn't have to drive!
249
00:10:38,805 --> 00:10:40,405
And you are kind of mean.
250
00:10:40,407 --> 00:10:42,467
No one calls me mean.
251
00:10:43,843 --> 00:10:45,943
Moe, you're
proving my point.
252
00:10:45,946 --> 00:10:48,406
Here we are talking, and
you pull a shotgun on me.
253
00:10:48,415 --> 00:10:50,975
But there's never
any bullets in this. Watch.
254
00:10:52,418 --> 00:10:54,018
Ha! Good gag, huh?
255
00:10:54,021 --> 00:10:56,861
♪ bomp, bomp, bomp,
bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
256
00:10:56,857 --> 00:10:58,817
♪ bomp, bomp,
bomp, bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
257
00:10:58,825 --> 00:10:59,955
♪ I feel free
258
00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:01,660
♪ bomp, bomp, bomp,
bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
259
00:11:01,662 --> 00:11:02,992
♪ I feel free
260
00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:04,026
(muffled explosion)
261
00:11:04,031 --> 00:11:05,461
♪ I feel free
262
00:11:05,465 --> 00:11:07,095
♪ bomp, bomp, bomp,
bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
263
00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:08,200
♪ I feel free
264
00:11:08,201 --> 00:11:09,771
♪ bomp, bomp, bomp,
bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
265
00:11:09,770 --> 00:11:10,940
♪ I feel free
266
00:11:10,937 --> 00:11:12,597
♪ bomp, bomp, bomp,
bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
267
00:11:12,606 --> 00:11:13,766
♪ I feel free
268
00:11:13,774 --> 00:11:15,174
♪ bomp, bomp, bomp,
bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
269
00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:16,365
♪ I feel free
270
00:11:16,376 --> 00:11:18,006
♪ bomp, bomp, bomp,
bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
271
00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:19,141
♪ I feel free
272
00:11:19,146 --> 00:11:20,946
♪ bomp, bomp, bomp,
bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
273
00:11:20,947 --> 00:11:22,107
♪ I feel free
274
00:11:25,284 --> 00:11:30,624
♪ feel when I dance with you
275
00:11:30,624 --> 00:11:34,534
♪ we move like the sea
276
00:11:35,795 --> 00:11:41,195
♪ you, you're all
I want to know ♪
277
00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:45,101
♪ I feel free
278
00:11:46,405 --> 00:11:50,875
♪ I feel free.
279
00:11:52,011 --> 00:11:53,881
Mmm, does that turn you on?
280
00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:56,680
Oh, yes. That's hot.
281
00:11:56,683 --> 00:11:58,023
(handles creak)
282
00:11:58,018 --> 00:11:59,878
(laughs)
the perfect temperature.
283
00:12:01,687 --> 00:12:02,987
(owl hooting)
284
00:12:02,989 --> 00:12:07,089
Ah, snoopy knew what
he was doing, all right.
285
00:12:07,094 --> 00:12:08,934
Woman: How you doing?
Aah!
286
00:12:08,929 --> 00:12:10,529
Don't worry, I've
seen you naked
287
00:12:10,530 --> 00:12:12,000
Plenty of times.
288
00:12:11,998 --> 00:12:13,498
I live in the house
behind yours.
289
00:12:14,700 --> 00:12:16,500
I don't think my wife
would like this.
290
00:12:16,503 --> 00:12:19,373
Hey, I got a boyfriend,
and you're not my type.
291
00:12:19,372 --> 00:12:21,042
Flanders:
Could you both keep it down?
292
00:12:21,041 --> 00:12:22,371
I'm trying
to count pennies.
293
00:12:22,375 --> 00:12:24,575
(scoffs) stupid flanders.
294
00:12:24,578 --> 00:12:27,508
Flanders:
Oh! You made me lose count.
295
00:12:27,514 --> 00:12:29,584
(both laughing)
296
00:12:29,583 --> 00:12:31,553
Homer, it looks like
you're out of beer, pal.
297
00:12:31,551 --> 00:12:32,621
(grunts)
298
00:12:33,552 --> 00:12:35,922
Wow, can a man just be friends
299
00:12:35,922 --> 00:12:37,092
With a woman?
300
00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:38,220
Here are some pretzels.
301
00:12:38,225 --> 00:12:39,415
Yes, he can!
302
00:12:44,964 --> 00:12:46,464
(fence squeaks)
303
00:12:46,466 --> 00:12:48,666
Aw, don't worry.
I'll fix that.
304
00:12:49,802 --> 00:12:51,972
Have one.
I'm celebrating.
305
00:12:51,972 --> 00:12:53,372
My boyfriend proposed.
306
00:12:53,373 --> 00:12:55,113
Wow! You'll get to enjoy
307
00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:57,578
The most magical part
of married life:
308
00:12:57,577 --> 00:12:58,877
The beginning.
309
00:12:58,879 --> 00:13:01,879
Mmm...
(slurping)
310
00:13:01,882 --> 00:13:03,952
So, uh, where's
the lucky guy?
311
00:13:03,950 --> 00:13:05,620
(sighs)
gone for the weekend.
312
00:13:05,619 --> 00:13:06,789
He's an airline pilot.
313
00:13:06,787 --> 00:13:08,547
Maybe he and I can
go out for beers
314
00:13:08,555 --> 00:13:10,255
Before a flight.
Mm.
315
00:13:10,257 --> 00:13:11,757
Where's your wife?
316
00:13:11,758 --> 00:13:13,928
Uh, she's staying at
this billionaire's house,
317
00:13:13,927 --> 00:13:15,887
Working as
a virtual reality actress.
318
00:13:15,896 --> 00:13:17,026
You know, the usual.
319
00:13:17,997 --> 00:13:19,227
Oh, homer?
320
00:13:19,232 --> 00:13:20,972
Something's going on
with homer.
321
00:13:20,967 --> 00:13:22,997
My spousal sense is tingling.
322
00:13:23,003 --> 00:13:25,743
Mom, you blew the take!
323
00:13:25,739 --> 00:13:27,839
Okay, that's it.
I'll direct.
324
00:13:27,841 --> 00:13:29,641
And I'll show you
how a pro does it.
325
00:13:29,643 --> 00:13:31,643
You, daughter character,
say you love me.
326
00:13:31,645 --> 00:13:32,635
(flatly):
I love you.
327
00:13:32,646 --> 00:13:33,776
Like you mean it.
328
00:13:33,780 --> 00:13:35,410
(flatly):
I really love you.
329
00:13:35,415 --> 00:13:36,745
Once more, with feeling.
330
00:13:36,750 --> 00:13:39,280
(flatly):
I... Really...
331
00:13:39,286 --> 00:13:42,016
Love... You.
332
00:13:42,022 --> 00:13:43,022
Blech.
333
00:13:43,023 --> 00:13:45,123
This girl has
no chops whatsoever.
334
00:13:45,125 --> 00:13:47,125
(a la katherine hepburn):
The existence of my chops
335
00:13:47,127 --> 00:13:49,687
Is not for the likes
of yoto ascertain,
336
00:13:49,696 --> 00:13:50,826
My good sir.
337
00:13:50,831 --> 00:13:52,831
(shudders)
would you like some eggs
338
00:13:52,833 --> 00:13:54,373
With that ham?
339
00:13:56,635 --> 00:13:58,165
Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.
340
00:13:58,171 --> 00:14:00,341
Looks like the old
make-out king's
341
00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:02,440
Got a new queen, huh?
342
00:14:02,442 --> 00:14:04,342
Guys, we're just friends.
343
00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:06,114
It's purely catatonic.
344
00:14:06,112 --> 00:14:07,352
"platonic."
345
00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:09,277
That means
she's into me,
346
00:14:09,282 --> 00:14:10,882
But I'm
keeping it cool.
347
00:14:10,884 --> 00:14:13,894
I like you, but that's
not what it means.
348
00:14:13,887 --> 00:14:15,487
Sure, right.
349
00:14:15,488 --> 00:14:17,858
(italian accent):
Here you go, the antipasto,
350
00:14:17,858 --> 00:14:19,288
To share.
351
00:14:19,292 --> 00:14:21,862
Both:
Ooh...!
352
00:14:21,862 --> 00:14:23,802
Would you fellas like
to join us?
353
00:14:23,797 --> 00:14:25,897
(nervous stammers)
354
00:14:25,899 --> 00:14:27,869
(sophisticated accent):
When did salad get so awful?
355
00:14:27,868 --> 00:14:29,868
(sophisticated accent):
Kale ruined everything.
356
00:14:29,870 --> 00:14:32,040
(mock sophisticated laughter)
357
00:14:32,038 --> 00:14:33,838
(normal voice):
You're just like a guy.
358
00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:35,970
You're funny,
you like to eat crap.
359
00:14:35,976 --> 00:14:37,706
If I may get personal,
360
00:14:37,711 --> 00:14:40,011
What's your
bowling average?
212.
361
00:14:40,013 --> 00:14:42,713
Oh, my god, you're
my best friend!
362
00:14:42,716 --> 00:14:44,016
And that's all.
363
00:14:44,017 --> 00:14:45,177
Just friends.
364
00:14:45,185 --> 00:14:46,575
Eh, we shall see.
365
00:14:46,586 --> 00:14:48,386
There is one test
for a-romance
366
00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:50,388
That never fails.
367
00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:52,420
Enjoy it.
368
00:14:57,696 --> 00:15:00,196
That is not a-love!
369
00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:02,400
This is the best--
we're friends,
370
00:15:02,402 --> 00:15:04,202
No one has any reason
to get upset,
371
00:15:04,204 --> 00:15:05,904
And no one gets hurt.
372
00:15:05,906 --> 00:15:07,366
To no one getting hurt.
373
00:15:07,374 --> 00:15:08,614
Smithers:
Smash-cut to marge!
374
00:15:08,608 --> 00:15:11,438
"look, monty, our daughter,
the president,
375
00:15:11,444 --> 00:15:13,014
Is delivering her speech."
376
00:15:13,013 --> 00:15:16,413
Excuse me,
do I ever get a joke?
377
00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:17,576
Keep rolling.
378
00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:20,524
"mr. Vice president,
madam speaker,
379
00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:22,290
"chinese overlords,
380
00:15:22,289 --> 00:15:25,619
Years ago, our forefathers,
and foremothers..."
381
00:15:25,625 --> 00:15:27,025
Burns:
Stick to the script!
382
00:15:27,027 --> 00:15:28,627
Oh, you try to
give direction
383
00:15:28,628 --> 00:15:29,788
To a bunch
of land apes
384
00:15:29,796 --> 00:15:32,296
Who aren't worth
the ping-pong balls
385
00:15:32,299 --> 00:15:34,699
Stuck to their
untalented asses!
386
00:15:34,701 --> 00:15:36,471
Idiots!
Mountebanks!
387
00:15:36,469 --> 00:15:38,369
Featherwits!
Poltroons!
388
00:15:38,371 --> 00:15:39,601
(furniture crashes)
389
00:15:39,606 --> 00:15:43,536
Saint francis himself
would vomit with rage!
390
00:15:43,543 --> 00:15:45,143
Okay, you heard him,
people.
391
00:15:45,145 --> 00:15:47,075
That was great,
just a little more energy.
392
00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:49,050
Sir, I know you're
getting frustrated,
393
00:15:49,049 --> 00:15:51,579
So we recorded some
future scenarios.
394
00:15:51,584 --> 00:15:54,894
Yes, let's see what life
will be like when I'm old.
395
00:15:54,888 --> 00:15:56,958
I'm going to build homes
for the homeless
396
00:15:56,957 --> 00:15:58,887
With my boyfriend sean,
397
00:15:58,892 --> 00:16:01,492
Then it's off to vassar
in the fall.
398
00:16:01,494 --> 00:16:03,934
Irish boyfriend?
Helping the homeless?
399
00:16:03,930 --> 00:16:06,600
Well, every family has
one black sheep.
400
00:16:06,599 --> 00:16:07,929
Let's move on.
401
00:16:07,934 --> 00:16:10,174
How did this happen?
(pacifier pops twice)
402
00:16:10,170 --> 00:16:12,540
Don't you take
that tone with me.
403
00:16:14,139 --> 00:16:15,569
A harvard man?
404
00:16:15,575 --> 00:16:17,105
I was warned
there'd be nausea.
405
00:16:17,110 --> 00:16:19,980
I don't need them.
My life is perfect.
406
00:16:22,448 --> 00:16:25,348
My life is perfect.
407
00:16:25,352 --> 00:16:28,822
49, 50.
My life is perfect!
408
00:16:28,822 --> 00:16:31,662
Have you seen my
canadian penny?
409
00:16:31,658 --> 00:16:33,188
Oh, darn it,
darn it, darn it!
410
00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:37,104
Everyone out!
You're all fired!
411
00:16:37,097 --> 00:16:39,297
Having a family is the most
meaningless experience
412
00:16:39,299 --> 00:16:40,869
I could imagine.
413
00:16:40,867 --> 00:16:41,967
Try acting.
414
00:16:41,968 --> 00:16:43,198
Mm...
415
00:16:43,203 --> 00:16:44,273
Come on, kids.
416
00:16:44,270 --> 00:16:45,770
I'm taking
my bathrobe.
417
00:16:45,772 --> 00:16:47,112
There's a dye pack
stitched in.
418
00:16:47,107 --> 00:16:48,267
(loud pop)
419
00:16:48,274 --> 00:16:50,214
Joke's on you.
I like this better.
420
00:16:50,210 --> 00:16:52,010
Oh, go ahead,
take your robe.
421
00:16:52,012 --> 00:16:53,882
But you'll never work
in single-viewer
422
00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:56,910
Virtual reality
family melodrama again.
423
00:16:57,883 --> 00:16:59,453
Did you see
the guitar lessons sign
424
00:16:59,452 --> 00:17:00,822
On the telephone pole?
425
00:17:00,820 --> 00:17:01,990
I took a tab.
426
00:17:01,988 --> 00:17:04,018
No, I'm not
gonna take the lessons,
427
00:17:04,024 --> 00:17:06,194
I just needed
to blow my nose.
428
00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:08,562
Ooh, my family's here.
Gotta go.
429
00:17:08,561 --> 00:17:10,361
Hey, guys!
It's good to see you.
430
00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:12,363
Hmm. Good to see you.
431
00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:13,825
Who were you talking to?
432
00:17:13,833 --> 00:17:14,873
My friend julia.
433
00:17:14,868 --> 00:17:17,168
Julia? Like a girl?
434
00:17:17,170 --> 00:17:18,570
She's not a girl.
435
00:17:18,571 --> 00:17:20,511
She's three years younger
than your mother.
436
00:17:20,507 --> 00:17:21,637
(irritated murmur)
437
00:17:21,641 --> 00:17:23,211
Now, marge,
it's cool.
438
00:17:23,209 --> 00:17:24,809
All we do is share
439
00:17:24,811 --> 00:17:26,811
Our deepest thoughts
and feelings.
440
00:17:26,813 --> 00:17:27,883
Mm-hmm.
441
00:17:27,881 --> 00:17:31,081
Kids, could you
leave the room, please?
442
00:17:31,084 --> 00:17:33,924
Faster!
443
00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:34,990
Geronimo!
444
00:17:34,988 --> 00:17:35,888
(retreating footsteps)
445
00:17:35,889 --> 00:17:37,859
Marge, it's nothing.
446
00:17:37,857 --> 00:17:39,817
She's just
my new best friend.
447
00:17:39,826 --> 00:17:42,486
(groans angrily)
448
00:17:42,495 --> 00:17:43,725
What the-- why--
449
00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:45,330
Why are you mad
at those eggs?!
450
00:17:45,331 --> 00:17:47,271
They didn't do anything!
451
00:17:47,267 --> 00:17:48,767
Homer simpson!
452
00:17:48,768 --> 00:17:50,998
(whimpering)
453
00:17:51,004 --> 00:17:53,374
After all I've put up with
for all these years,
454
00:17:53,373 --> 00:17:55,773
If I'm not
your best friend,
455
00:17:55,775 --> 00:17:57,775
What is this marriage about?!
456
00:17:57,777 --> 00:17:59,537
Okay, okay, you're
my best friend.
457
00:17:59,546 --> 00:18:01,906
She's just somebody I call
when I'm mad at you.
458
00:18:02,881 --> 00:18:03,921
(screams)
(grumbling)
459
00:18:03,917 --> 00:18:05,377
I mean, I'm never
mad at you.
460
00:18:05,385 --> 00:18:06,945
Well, sometimes
I'm mad at you.
461
00:18:06,953 --> 00:18:08,953
A little bit!
But I shouldn't call her.
462
00:18:08,955 --> 00:18:11,785
I should just
drink it off at moe's.
(growling)
463
00:18:11,791 --> 00:18:14,531
You'll never hear
the name julia again.
464
00:18:14,527 --> 00:18:17,027
Hi, I'm julia.
Neh!
465
00:18:17,030 --> 00:18:18,760
I just wanted
to introduce myself
466
00:18:18,765 --> 00:18:20,965
And tell you you've got
a great husband.
467
00:18:20,967 --> 00:18:22,897
I've got a nice
bicycle, too,
468
00:18:22,902 --> 00:18:24,642
But I keep a lock on it.
469
00:18:24,637 --> 00:18:28,437
I have no interest
in... Riding your bike.
470
00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:31,081
But I want you to know
that your bike loves you
471
00:18:31,077 --> 00:18:33,607
As truly as a bike can.
472
00:18:33,613 --> 00:18:36,983
And, marge, I love you
as much as that bike.
473
00:18:36,983 --> 00:18:38,583
You are the bike.
474
00:18:38,585 --> 00:18:40,015
(gasps) wha...?!
475
00:18:42,321 --> 00:18:43,791
(door creaks)
476
00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:45,820
I'm-I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
477
00:18:45,825 --> 00:18:48,385
Apparently, you didn't
do anything wrong.
478
00:18:48,394 --> 00:18:50,904
But I'm not wrong for
getting mad at you either.
479
00:18:50,897 --> 00:18:54,067
Marge, julia taught me lots
of stuff that could help us.
480
00:18:54,067 --> 00:18:56,427
For example, I realize
that when you see me
481
00:18:56,436 --> 00:18:57,936
Doing something stupid
and you don't
482
00:18:57,937 --> 00:19:00,567
Say anything about it,
you know,
483
00:19:00,573 --> 00:19:02,173
And you're just
being nice.
484
00:19:02,175 --> 00:19:03,335
That's true.
485
00:19:03,343 --> 00:19:05,983
And when something's
bothering you,
486
00:19:05,979 --> 00:19:10,249
Sometimes I should just say,
"I understand,"
487
00:19:10,250 --> 00:19:11,980
Instead of trying
to fix it.
488
00:19:11,985 --> 00:19:13,345
Because all you
really need is
489
00:19:13,353 --> 00:19:16,793
Someone to know
what you're feeling.
490
00:19:16,789 --> 00:19:19,419
That is really,
really lovely.
491
00:19:19,425 --> 00:19:21,485
(both moaning)
492
00:19:22,694 --> 00:19:25,304
I have to confess, I did
see him naked on the roof.
493
00:19:25,298 --> 00:19:28,498
I did, too,
and I was at 10,000 feet.
494
00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:31,841
Now for the final fantasy.
495
00:19:31,838 --> 00:19:33,938
(crying)
496
00:19:33,940 --> 00:19:37,010
(gasps)
oh, my love, my love,
497
00:19:37,010 --> 00:19:41,050
Losing you so young,
so beautiful.
498
00:19:41,047 --> 00:19:42,877
Still no jokes.
499
00:19:44,683 --> 00:19:48,993
(flatly):
I love you, and how.
500
00:19:48,988 --> 00:19:52,288
(sobs) you're too
good for heaven, man.
501
00:19:52,292 --> 00:19:54,762
(chuckles)
excellent.
502
00:19:56,962 --> 00:19:59,562
(creatures squawking)
503
00:19:59,566 --> 00:20:01,026
(eerie shriek)
504
00:20:02,301 --> 00:20:03,901
Welcome, monty.
505
00:20:03,903 --> 00:20:06,643
I'd like to take
a selfie with you.
506
00:20:08,140 --> 00:20:10,210
All right, but just one.
507
00:20:10,210 --> 00:20:11,910
Hmm, it's not
plugged in.
508
00:20:17,249 --> 00:20:19,319
♪ bomp, bomp, bomp,
bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
509
00:20:19,319 --> 00:20:21,089
♪ bomp, bomp,
bomp, bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
510
00:20:21,087 --> 00:20:22,517
(screams)
511
00:20:22,522 --> 00:20:23,992
♪ bomp, bomp, bomp,
bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
512
00:20:23,990 --> 00:20:25,060
♪ I feel free
513
00:20:25,058 --> 00:20:27,018
♪ bomp, bomp, bomp,
bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
514
00:20:27,026 --> 00:20:29,756
♪ bomp, bomp, bomp,
bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
515
00:20:29,762 --> 00:20:30,902
♪ I feel free
516
00:20:30,897 --> 00:20:32,057
♪ bomp, bomp, bomp,
bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
517
00:20:32,065 --> 00:20:33,695
♪ I feel free
518
00:20:33,700 --> 00:20:35,170
♪ bomp, bomp, bomp,
bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
519
00:20:35,168 --> 00:20:36,268
♪ I feel free
520
00:20:36,269 --> 00:20:37,839
♪ bomp, bomp, bomp,
bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
521
00:20:37,837 --> 00:20:38,997
♪ I feel free
522
00:20:39,005 --> 00:20:40,835
♪ bomp, bomp, bomp,
bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
523
00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:41,940
♪ I feel free
524
00:20:41,941 --> 00:20:43,511
♪ bomp, bomp, bomp,
bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
525
00:20:43,509 --> 00:20:44,609
♪ I feel free
526
00:20:44,611 --> 00:20:46,381
♪ bomp, bomp, bomp,
bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
527
00:20:46,379 --> 00:20:47,909
♪ I feel free.
528
00:20:47,914 --> 00:20:50,924
Captioning sponsored by
20th century fox television
529
00:20:50,917 --> 00:20:53,917
Fox broadcasting company
530
00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:56,920
And ford.
We go further, so you can.
531
00:20:56,923 --> 00:20:59,993
Captioned by
media access group at wgbh
access.Wgbh.Org
532
00:21:27,953 --> 00:21:29,823
Shh!
34510
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