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1
00:00:01,167 --> 00:00:02,667
Announcer:
You're watching the simpsons.
2
00:00:02,670 --> 00:00:05,600
You know your life sucks.
Just get drunk
like you always do.
3
00:00:05,606 --> 00:00:07,036
Catch all-new episodes sundays,
4
00:00:07,041 --> 00:00:09,481
And check out our other fox
programs, brooklyn nine-nine,
5
00:00:09,477 --> 00:00:11,607
Bob's burgers and family guy.
6
00:00:11,612 --> 00:00:14,512
What is this,
and how can I make the rest
of my life about it?
7
00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:15,745
Only on fox.
8
00:00:18,618 --> 00:00:20,348
(laughing)
9
00:00:26,192 --> 00:00:28,262
(exclaiming)
10
00:00:32,399 --> 00:00:34,429
(school bell ringing)
11
00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:38,037
(barney belches)
12
00:00:38,039 --> 00:00:40,039
(whistle blows)
13
00:00:40,041 --> 00:00:42,111
(yells)
14
00:00:43,176 --> 00:00:44,676
♪
15
00:00:44,678 --> 00:00:46,948
(playing melodic harp)
16
00:00:54,387 --> 00:00:55,847
D'oh!
17
00:00:55,856 --> 00:00:56,856
(tires screeching)
18
00:00:56,857 --> 00:00:58,517
(grunts)
19
00:00:58,526 --> 00:01:00,586
(wind whistling)
20
00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:04,203
(tires screeching)
21
00:01:04,198 --> 00:01:06,528
(milhouse grunting)
22
00:01:06,534 --> 00:01:07,674
(bird squawking)
23
00:01:11,104 --> 00:01:12,874
(selma and patty grunt)
24
00:01:12,873 --> 00:01:14,113
Ow.
25
00:01:15,375 --> 00:01:17,105
(squawking)
26
00:01:17,111 --> 00:01:19,041
(homer yelling, grunting)
27
00:01:19,046 --> 00:01:21,676
(playing the blues)
28
00:01:21,682 --> 00:01:23,252
(wind gusts, explosion)
29
00:01:23,250 --> 00:01:24,420
Hola.
30
00:01:26,519 --> 00:01:28,019
♪ simpsons time
31
00:01:28,022 --> 00:01:29,052
♪ run, don't walk
(sniffing)
32
00:01:29,056 --> 00:01:30,686
♪ you might even hear
33
00:01:30,691 --> 00:01:32,021
♪ maggie talk
34
00:01:32,026 --> 00:01:34,356
♪ bart the boy
and a dog named homer ♪
35
00:01:34,361 --> 00:01:36,031
♪ and jokes written on signs
36
00:01:36,030 --> 00:01:38,030
♪ it's simpsons time.
Yay!
37
00:01:38,032 --> 00:01:39,632
(homer grunts, yells)
38
00:01:46,706 --> 00:01:49,906
What a beautiful day
for a family stroll.
39
00:01:49,910 --> 00:01:53,210
Tell that
to my aching back!
40
00:01:53,214 --> 00:01:55,214
(groans)
41
00:01:55,216 --> 00:01:56,916
It's not a family stroll--
homer forgot where
42
00:01:56,917 --> 00:01:59,417
He parked his car last night,
and now we have to find it.
43
00:01:59,420 --> 00:02:02,250
What a beautiful day
to be in denial.
44
00:02:02,256 --> 00:02:03,716
Yeah, bart. Who cares?
45
00:02:03,724 --> 00:02:05,724
The sun is shining,
birds are singing...
46
00:02:05,726 --> 00:02:09,156
People are staring up
at the sky in terror?
47
00:02:09,163 --> 00:02:10,663
(simpsons shriek)
48
00:02:11,831 --> 00:02:13,601
Do you see it, lisa?
49
00:02:13,601 --> 00:02:16,441
There's... Nothing... There.
50
00:02:16,437 --> 00:02:19,267
And that's where
lard lad used to be!
51
00:02:19,273 --> 00:02:21,013
Oh, looks like we
better file a report
52
00:02:21,008 --> 00:02:22,938
With the bureau of
missing statues.
53
00:02:22,943 --> 00:02:26,353
Yeah. Be like that time
that rodin statue got stolen.
54
00:02:26,347 --> 00:02:29,077
What was the name
of that statue again? Eh...
55
00:02:29,083 --> 00:02:30,623
Ah, let me think. Um...
56
00:02:30,618 --> 00:02:31,918
Thinkin'.
57
00:02:31,919 --> 00:02:33,589
Yeah, still thinkin'.
58
00:02:33,587 --> 00:02:36,757
Still thinkin'.
59
00:02:36,757 --> 00:02:38,757
Uh, either we can
fan out and search,
60
00:02:38,759 --> 00:02:40,089
Or bunch up and riot.
61
00:02:40,094 --> 00:02:43,364
Oh, balderdash and poppycock.
I say we do not riot.
62
00:02:43,364 --> 00:02:44,664
All:
Riot!
63
00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:45,995
All:
Don't!
64
00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:47,370
Riot!
65
00:02:47,368 --> 00:02:48,668
Don't!
66
00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:50,169
Riot!
67
00:02:50,171 --> 00:02:52,241
(all yelling)
68
00:02:53,506 --> 00:02:55,606
(indistinct chatter)
69
00:02:55,609 --> 00:02:56,679
(grunts)
70
00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:04,952
And thanks to the equal number
of nonrioters,
71
00:03:04,952 --> 00:03:07,952
The total cost of the damage
is zero dollars.
72
00:03:07,955 --> 00:03:09,685
Homer, were you
in that riot?
73
00:03:09,690 --> 00:03:10,860
Marge, please.
74
00:03:10,858 --> 00:03:12,788
I'm a leader
in this community.
75
00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:14,863
Brockman:
In response to the outcry,
76
00:03:14,862 --> 00:03:16,532
-(alarm ringing)
-lard lad's parent company,
77
00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:18,530
Tianjin mining and smelting
and donuts,
78
00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:20,202
Has issued
the following statement:
79
00:03:20,201 --> 00:03:23,901
"we are rebranding lard lad
with an updated statue."
80
00:03:23,904 --> 00:03:25,674
Ooh, rebranding.
81
00:03:25,673 --> 00:03:27,673
That just means
admitting failure, dad.
82
00:03:27,675 --> 00:03:30,005
Ooh, admitting failure.
83
00:03:30,010 --> 00:03:31,340
People of springfield,
84
00:03:31,345 --> 00:03:33,175
Please welcome mr.--
85
00:03:33,180 --> 00:03:36,180
I know I'm gonna mangle this--
lee fong.
86
00:03:36,183 --> 00:03:38,583
Uh, actually, it's
pronounced robert chan.
87
00:03:38,586 --> 00:03:40,186
(moans)
88
00:03:40,187 --> 00:03:44,017
And now, please welcome the
model for the original lard lad,
89
00:03:44,024 --> 00:03:45,894
Mr. Laird lad.
90
00:03:45,893 --> 00:03:47,333
A lot of crazy names today.
91
00:03:49,095 --> 00:03:52,255
Ladies and gentlemen,
I give you lard lad's bold,
92
00:03:52,266 --> 00:03:54,326
Focus-grouped, new look!
93
00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:57,435
(mechanical whirring)
94
00:03:57,438 --> 00:03:58,898
(statue squeaking)
95
00:03:58,906 --> 00:04:00,866
That doesn't say donuts!
96
00:04:00,874 --> 00:04:03,084
That says management overthink!
97
00:04:03,077 --> 00:04:04,107
Thethinker!
98
00:04:04,111 --> 00:04:05,711
That statue's
called the thinker.
99
00:04:05,713 --> 00:04:06,713
(laughs)
100
00:04:06,714 --> 00:04:07,714
What? What are we on now?
101
00:04:07,715 --> 00:04:08,845
What?
102
00:04:08,849 --> 00:04:11,719
People, let's give
the new statue a chance.
103
00:04:11,719 --> 00:04:14,019
When the eiffel tower
was first built,
104
00:04:14,021 --> 00:04:16,761
Many said it was
a steel monstrosity.
105
00:04:16,757 --> 00:04:18,357
It still is.
106
00:04:18,359 --> 00:04:21,189
Fine, but maybe this
will grow on you.
107
00:04:21,195 --> 00:04:23,095
Aw, this thing sucks.
I don't think so.
108
00:04:23,097 --> 00:04:24,057
(overlapping disapproval)
109
00:04:24,064 --> 00:04:26,104
Well, at-at-at
a certain angle...
110
00:04:26,100 --> 00:04:27,200
It's beautiful.
111
00:04:27,201 --> 00:04:28,371
We love it.
That's beautiful.
112
00:04:28,369 --> 00:04:30,539
(all cheer)
113
00:04:30,537 --> 00:04:32,537
(wind whistling)
114
00:04:32,539 --> 00:04:34,539
♪
115
00:04:34,541 --> 00:04:35,541
You fools!
116
00:04:35,542 --> 00:04:36,582
You've erected a massive
117
00:04:36,577 --> 00:04:38,577
Concave reflective surface.
118
00:04:38,579 --> 00:04:41,709
It will focus the sun's
beam in a deadly ray.
119
00:04:41,715 --> 00:04:44,445
(people scream)
120
00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:51,192
(growls)
121
00:04:59,232 --> 00:05:01,572
Yeah!
Yeah!
122
00:05:01,568 --> 00:05:04,168
(all groan)
123
00:05:04,171 --> 00:05:05,741
(all gasp)
124
00:05:05,739 --> 00:05:06,939
Oh.
Uh.
125
00:05:06,940 --> 00:05:08,070
Hey!
126
00:05:08,075 --> 00:05:10,175
(groans)
127
00:05:10,177 --> 00:05:11,807
(gun hammer clicks)
128
00:05:15,081 --> 00:05:17,581
Quimby:
First off, I'd like
to thank the good people
129
00:05:17,584 --> 00:05:21,524
At tianjin smelting and mining
and donuts and tarps
130
00:05:21,522 --> 00:05:25,362
For neutralizing our wonderful,
deadly, new lard lad.
131
00:05:25,359 --> 00:05:28,029
Yeah, that's great.
132
00:05:28,028 --> 00:05:29,288
They'll grow back.
133
00:05:29,296 --> 00:05:33,166
The time for mourning and
blaming our mayors has passed.
134
00:05:33,167 --> 00:05:34,997
We will rebuild.
135
00:05:35,002 --> 00:05:37,502
We will
rebuild.
136
00:05:37,504 --> 00:05:39,714
All:
We will rebuild.
137
00:05:39,707 --> 00:05:42,207
We will rebuild!
138
00:05:42,209 --> 00:05:44,579
We will
rebuild!
139
00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:54,846
(strained):
We will rebuild.
140
00:05:54,855 --> 00:05:56,685
We will rebuild.
141
00:05:56,690 --> 00:05:59,560
I guess there's only
one man we can turn to.
142
00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:00,730
Supergirl?!
143
00:06:00,728 --> 00:06:02,788
(ominous organ music plays)
144
00:06:03,863 --> 00:06:07,133
So... You'd like me
to save the town.
145
00:06:07,134 --> 00:06:09,034
Well, you've got gumption,
I'll give you that.
146
00:06:09,036 --> 00:06:11,696
(laughing):
And such an adorable baby,
147
00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:14,835
It really restores my...
My faith in... In the, uh...
148
00:06:14,842 --> 00:06:18,012
Smithers, where is the
damn trapdoor button?
149
00:06:18,011 --> 00:06:20,251
Mr. Burns, you already
trap-doored us
150
00:06:20,247 --> 00:06:22,007
From your
upstairs office.
151
00:06:22,015 --> 00:06:23,745
(laughs)
yes.
152
00:06:23,751 --> 00:06:24,881
And how was
your fall?
153
00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:26,515
Painful?
Unexpected?
154
00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:28,520
Oh, yeah.
Worst I've ever had.
155
00:06:28,522 --> 00:06:29,892
Oh! Really...
Really...
156
00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:31,020
Pulled something.
Totally painful.
157
00:06:31,024 --> 00:06:32,364
Did not see it coming.
158
00:06:32,359 --> 00:06:33,929
(chuckles)
excellent.
159
00:06:35,428 --> 00:06:39,198
So... Remind me what
I was saying no to.
160
00:06:39,199 --> 00:06:41,529
Funding repairs
to the town.
161
00:06:41,535 --> 00:06:44,365
But if you could do
even one little project.
162
00:06:44,371 --> 00:06:46,041
Reducking the duck pond
163
00:06:46,039 --> 00:06:48,369
Or fixing up
the springfield bowl.
164
00:06:48,375 --> 00:06:50,775
The springfield bowl.
165
00:06:56,048 --> 00:06:57,518
Very well.
166
00:06:57,518 --> 00:07:00,188
I will rebuild this town
on one condition.
167
00:07:00,187 --> 00:07:03,917
Our desperate plea
is nonnegotiable.
168
00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:06,094
I want to put on a
variety show at the bowl.
169
00:07:06,093 --> 00:07:09,093
A celebration of everything
wonderful about... Um,
170
00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:10,226
What's the name
of this town again?
171
00:07:10,230 --> 00:07:11,400
Springfield, sir.
172
00:07:11,398 --> 00:07:14,598
Yes, I will destroy
springfield.
173
00:07:14,601 --> 00:07:15,701
Celebrate, sir.
174
00:07:15,702 --> 00:07:17,172
Fine, we'll try it
your way first.
175
00:07:22,875 --> 00:07:25,275
Springfield has risen
from the ashes like a phoenix.
176
00:07:25,279 --> 00:07:27,109
That's phoenix,
the mythical bird,
177
00:07:27,114 --> 00:07:30,454
Not phoenix, the cultureless,
mars-scape of the southwest.
178
00:07:30,451 --> 00:07:31,721
(chuckles)
179
00:07:31,718 --> 00:07:32,878
Our unlikely angel,
180
00:07:32,886 --> 00:07:35,446
The devil himself,
c. Montgomery burns.
181
00:07:35,456 --> 00:07:36,916
Thank you, kent.
182
00:07:36,924 --> 00:07:38,994
(groans)
183
00:07:38,992 --> 00:07:40,992
And don't forget
the open auditions
184
00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:42,994
For my springfield follies.
185
00:07:42,996 --> 00:07:44,826
This year women
may audition, too,
186
00:07:44,832 --> 00:07:46,002
With permission
of husband,
187
00:07:45,999 --> 00:07:48,329
Father and pastor
in writing.
188
00:07:48,335 --> 00:07:50,335
Burns:
Next.
189
00:07:52,104 --> 00:07:54,174
(cat yowls)
190
00:07:54,174 --> 00:07:55,444
(gentle melody plays on piano)
(clears throat)
191
00:07:55,442 --> 00:07:56,912
(coughs)
192
00:07:56,910 --> 00:08:03,920
(beautiful soprano voice):
♪ un bel di, vedremo
193
00:08:03,917 --> 00:08:10,757
♪ levarsi un fil di fumo...
194
00:08:10,757 --> 00:08:13,757
Puccini's a little
well-trod, don't you think?
195
00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:15,430
(yells incoherently)
196
00:08:15,429 --> 00:08:16,759
This isn't right.
197
00:08:16,763 --> 00:08:18,033
This isn't how
it was at all.
198
00:08:18,031 --> 00:08:20,201
I remember that
night so vividly.
199
00:08:24,203 --> 00:08:26,673
Monty, time to go on stage.
200
00:08:26,673 --> 00:08:28,043
Yes, mama.
201
00:08:28,041 --> 00:08:30,711
Your little butterscotch drop
won't let you down.
202
00:08:30,711 --> 00:08:32,281
Aw, who's candy?
203
00:08:32,279 --> 00:08:33,509
You's candy.
204
00:08:33,514 --> 00:08:36,354
Oh, I'm gonna lick you,
my sweet little lolly.
205
00:08:36,350 --> 00:08:37,520
Who likes
mommy's licks?
206
00:08:37,518 --> 00:08:39,018
Monty likes
mommy's licks.
207
00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:40,389
Lickity, lickity, lick.
208
00:08:40,387 --> 00:08:41,387
(laughing):
Oh, oh, oh.
209
00:08:41,388 --> 00:08:43,018
(giggling)
oh, ho, ho, ho.
210
00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:45,193
Oh. Oh, ho, ho.
211
00:08:45,192 --> 00:08:48,532
But the butterscotch soon turned
to bitter squelch.
212
00:08:48,529 --> 00:08:50,859
I want everything just
as it was back then.
213
00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:52,204
The stage filled
with children
214
00:08:52,199 --> 00:08:53,699
Like those from 1913.
215
00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:55,400
High-spirited,
snaggletoothed,
216
00:08:55,402 --> 00:08:57,372
And willing to work
18 hours a day.
217
00:08:57,371 --> 00:08:58,871
Skinner (over p.A.):
Attention.
218
00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:00,642
An old man is
prowling the school,
219
00:09:00,641 --> 00:09:02,041
Looking for young children.
220
00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:04,212
Please, perform for him.
221
00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:06,851
Watch me make
this nerd disappear.
222
00:09:06,847 --> 00:09:07,847
(grunts)
223
00:09:07,848 --> 00:09:09,008
Ta-da!
224
00:09:09,016 --> 00:09:10,846
Also, haw-haw!
225
00:09:10,851 --> 00:09:12,051
Excellent villain.
226
00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:13,892
And my cast is complete.
227
00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:16,247
I'll just save the list and...
228
00:09:16,256 --> 00:09:18,716
(groans)
229
00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:21,425
Samson himself could not
pry open these jaws.
230
00:09:21,428 --> 00:09:22,928
Can I help you, sir?
231
00:09:22,930 --> 00:09:26,100
Oh, women aren't meant
for clasp opening.
232
00:09:28,100 --> 00:09:29,700
Young lady, if there's
one thing I know
233
00:09:29,703 --> 00:09:31,103
About show business,
it's that there are
234
00:09:31,104 --> 00:09:32,874
A lot of clipboards.
235
00:09:32,873 --> 00:09:35,273
How would you like to be
my assistant director?
236
00:09:35,275 --> 00:09:36,705
Hmm.
237
00:09:36,710 --> 00:09:38,380
And I'll beperfectly positioned
238
00:09:38,378 --> 00:09:41,948
To find out exactly whatmr. Burns is really up to.
239
00:09:41,949 --> 00:09:42,949
I'm in.
240
00:09:42,950 --> 00:09:44,520
And if you need
another act,
241
00:09:44,518 --> 00:09:46,348
I also play this.
242
00:09:46,353 --> 00:09:47,753
There's no room
in my show
243
00:09:47,754 --> 00:09:50,764
For adolphe sax's
vile-sounding o-phone.
244
00:09:50,757 --> 00:09:53,017
Do you ever say
anything in a simple way?
245
00:09:53,026 --> 00:09:54,056
Shut up.
246
00:09:54,061 --> 00:09:55,091
Well, that was clear.
247
00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:56,555
(bird caws)
248
00:09:56,563 --> 00:09:58,563
Hey, homer, are you
sure we haven't let
249
00:09:58,565 --> 00:10:00,765
The plant slip
with mr. Burns gone?
250
00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:03,197
Smitty, as a wise,
old man once said,
251
00:10:03,203 --> 00:10:04,603
"out with the old...
252
00:10:04,605 --> 00:10:06,705
And in with the brew."
253
00:10:06,707 --> 00:10:08,767
♪
254
00:10:10,042 --> 00:10:11,112
(slurping)
255
00:10:13,212 --> 00:10:15,282
(indistinct chatter)
256
00:10:18,884 --> 00:10:21,224
(alarm buzzing)
257
00:10:21,221 --> 00:10:23,291
(buzzing ends)
258
00:10:28,828 --> 00:10:30,898
(hums)
259
00:10:31,998 --> 00:10:34,068
(vocalizing)
260
00:10:38,270 --> 00:10:39,340
That's enough.
261
00:10:39,339 --> 00:10:41,509
But I haven't
started my act.
262
00:10:41,508 --> 00:10:43,168
Muntz, what have you got?
263
00:10:43,176 --> 00:10:44,506
A rabbit in a bag.
264
00:10:44,511 --> 00:10:46,681
Ooh, a promising
magic trick.
265
00:10:46,680 --> 00:10:48,680
No, it's my lunch.
266
00:10:48,682 --> 00:10:50,422
Bah! You're all
incompetent.
267
00:10:50,417 --> 00:10:52,177
I won't go through
this a second time.
268
00:10:52,185 --> 00:10:53,345
Second time?
269
00:10:53,353 --> 00:10:55,023
Is there something
you're not telling us?
270
00:10:55,022 --> 00:10:56,192
A vast amount.
271
00:10:56,189 --> 00:10:58,289
And what part of
"what I've never told you"
272
00:10:58,291 --> 00:11:00,361
Don't you understand?
273
00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:03,360
♪
274
00:11:03,363 --> 00:11:05,763
(laughter)
275
00:11:08,100 --> 00:11:10,370
Mother, what is that
sound they're making?
276
00:11:10,370 --> 00:11:11,770
Well, it's called laughter.
277
00:11:11,772 --> 00:11:13,872
You're a laughingstock,
charles.
278
00:11:13,874 --> 00:11:17,184
(whimpering):
Oh, oh, it's awful.
279
00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:18,877
This show isn't good enough.
280
00:11:18,879 --> 00:11:20,949
No show could be good enough.
281
00:11:20,947 --> 00:11:22,707
(muffled):
It's not?
282
00:11:22,716 --> 00:11:25,346
(bird chirping)
283
00:11:25,352 --> 00:11:26,792
(liquid pouring)
284
00:11:26,787 --> 00:11:30,957
(cheerful scatting)
285
00:11:30,957 --> 00:11:31,957
What are you doing?
286
00:11:31,958 --> 00:11:34,128
Da-da-do-doo!
Getting ready for Monday.
287
00:11:34,127 --> 00:11:36,627
I'm gonna fill
a super soaker full of lemonade,
288
00:11:36,630 --> 00:11:38,530
Carl's gonna fill one
with iced tea,
289
00:11:38,532 --> 00:11:41,572
And we're gonna arnold palmer
lenny when he walks in.
290
00:11:41,568 --> 00:11:45,238
(laughing)
291
00:11:45,238 --> 00:11:47,538
Arnold palmer lenny.
292
00:11:47,541 --> 00:11:50,381
You're going to
arnold palmer lenny.
293
00:11:50,377 --> 00:11:54,407
Yeah, you see,
arnold palmer was a golfer
294
00:11:54,414 --> 00:11:56,684
And he made up this drink
295
00:11:56,683 --> 00:11:59,883
Where it's not a full glass
of lemonade
296
00:11:59,886 --> 00:12:02,186
Or a full glass of iced tea.
297
00:12:02,189 --> 00:12:03,759
Instead...
298
00:12:03,757 --> 00:12:06,517
Homie, I'm worried about
all this silliness at work.
299
00:12:06,526 --> 00:12:08,686
You're the safety inspector.
300
00:12:08,695 --> 00:12:11,025
I'm safety inspector.
301
00:12:11,031 --> 00:12:12,231
Not the.
302
00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:13,702
I've never seen another.
303
00:12:13,700 --> 00:12:16,070
What-- wait,
one safety inspector?
304
00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:17,739
For the whole nuclear plant?
305
00:12:17,738 --> 00:12:19,098
That's insane.
306
00:12:19,106 --> 00:12:20,706
(giggles)
307
00:12:20,707 --> 00:12:22,237
Put everything in the car
and get out of town.
308
00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:24,382
I'll find you,
if there are still roads!
309
00:12:24,377 --> 00:12:28,577
Sweetie, sweetie, all you've
got to do is be responsible.
310
00:12:28,582 --> 00:12:30,082
Your friends
consider you the leader
311
00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:31,953
Because you're a little taller.
312
00:12:31,952 --> 00:12:33,352
Hmm. Wow.
313
00:12:33,353 --> 00:12:34,753
Wow!
314
00:12:34,755 --> 00:12:38,685
With above-average height comes
above-average responsibility.
315
00:12:38,692 --> 00:12:41,092
Marge, thank you
for setting me straight.
316
00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:42,764
You're welcome.
317
00:12:43,696 --> 00:12:44,926
Okay, I want to open this show
318
00:12:44,931 --> 00:12:47,101
With someone being shot
into a cannon.
319
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:49,370
(laughs)
320
00:12:49,369 --> 00:12:51,199
You're joking, right?
321
00:12:51,204 --> 00:12:55,214
Well, because, see,
that's impossible.
322
00:12:55,208 --> 00:12:56,238
(chuckles nervously)
323
00:12:56,243 --> 00:12:58,213
(audience laughing)
324
00:12:58,211 --> 00:12:59,711
(sputters)
325
00:12:59,713 --> 00:13:01,713
Gah! Oh.
326
00:13:01,715 --> 00:13:03,875
Everyone, little miss nitpick
hates the show,
327
00:13:03,884 --> 00:13:05,124
So I'm shutting it down.
328
00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:07,448
("sabre dance"
by aram khachaturian plays)
329
00:13:07,454 --> 00:13:08,794
This was an act.
330
00:13:08,789 --> 00:13:11,219
Now it's just bullying.
331
00:13:11,224 --> 00:13:13,294
(lights shatter on the ground)
332
00:13:14,260 --> 00:13:16,900
(bellows)
333
00:13:18,931 --> 00:13:20,171
Thanks a lot, lisa.
334
00:13:20,167 --> 00:13:21,167
We were getting out
of school for this.
335
00:13:21,168 --> 00:13:22,228
(shoes tapping)
336
00:13:28,007 --> 00:13:30,337
(doorbell rings)
well, if it isn't
the little girl
337
00:13:30,343 --> 00:13:31,913
That made a billionaire cry.
338
00:13:31,912 --> 00:13:33,852
May I please speak
with mr. Burns?
339
00:13:33,847 --> 00:13:35,247
No, he's very busy.
340
00:13:38,017 --> 00:13:40,187
Won't you please come back
and do the show?
341
00:13:40,187 --> 00:13:42,347
Shan't.
342
00:13:42,355 --> 00:13:45,755
(bike bell ringing)
343
00:13:45,759 --> 00:13:48,859
Oh, that bell has
quite the recoil.
344
00:13:48,862 --> 00:13:50,862
(bell continues ringing)
oh, what is bothering him?
345
00:13:50,864 --> 00:13:53,264
And what were those weird lines
around his eyes?
346
00:13:53,266 --> 00:13:54,526
I know.
347
00:13:54,534 --> 00:13:57,004
It's such a tragedy
on that beautiful face.
348
00:13:58,103 --> 00:13:59,373
Come here.
349
00:13:59,372 --> 00:14:00,942
Well, there's only
one explanation
350
00:14:00,941 --> 00:14:02,171
For those lines, lisa.
351
00:14:02,175 --> 00:14:04,935
He's been watching something
on the mutoscope.
352
00:14:07,379 --> 00:14:09,379
So, if I play this,
353
00:14:09,382 --> 00:14:10,952
I'll know the answer.
354
00:14:10,951 --> 00:14:11,951
Mm-hmm.
355
00:14:11,952 --> 00:14:13,922
It, uh, costs a nickel.
356
00:14:16,155 --> 00:14:17,255
(coin drops into slot)
357
00:14:18,390 --> 00:14:20,460
(film winding and sputtering)
358
00:14:27,066 --> 00:14:30,396
(lisa gasps)
359
00:14:30,403 --> 00:14:32,043
(film continues sputtering)
360
00:14:35,207 --> 00:14:39,037
So this is what made
mr. Burns the monster he is.
361
00:14:39,045 --> 00:14:41,505
(giggles)
362
00:14:41,514 --> 00:14:42,884
Burns:
Within days
363
00:14:42,883 --> 00:14:44,923
Half of america
was cranking to my bottom.
364
00:14:44,918 --> 00:14:47,918
I think you're trying to make up
for what happened to you then
365
00:14:47,921 --> 00:14:50,591
By putting on a
perfect bowl show now.
366
00:14:50,590 --> 00:14:52,920
(scoffs)
spare me you amateur psychology.
367
00:14:52,926 --> 00:14:55,756
"ooh, I saw my father
decapitated by a grain harvester
368
00:14:55,762 --> 00:14:58,602
"and now I can't enjoy wheat.
Boohoo."
369
00:14:58,598 --> 00:15:01,928
Mr. Burns, I want you
to listen to that crowd.
370
00:15:04,403 --> 00:15:06,403
(film winding and sputtering)
371
00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:09,936
Do you really want to let
those happy, joyous people win?
372
00:15:09,943 --> 00:15:12,013
(film continues
winding and sputtering)
373
00:15:14,780 --> 00:15:15,950
(inflate, then pop)
374
00:15:15,949 --> 00:15:18,419
Smithers, locate my dickey.
375
00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:19,878
We've got a show to do.
376
00:15:19,886 --> 00:15:21,186
♪ I was gonna clean my room
377
00:15:21,187 --> 00:15:23,587
(laughter and cheering)
♪ until I got high
378
00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:25,090
♪ ooh, ooh
379
00:15:25,091 --> 00:15:27,391
♪ I was gonna get up
and find the broom ♪
(lenny grunting)
380
00:15:27,394 --> 00:15:28,934
(phone rings,
then record scratch)
♪ but then...
381
00:15:28,929 --> 00:15:30,059
Springfield nuclear.
382
00:15:30,063 --> 00:15:32,263
Yes, yes, sir,
I'll alert the workers...
383
00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:33,895
That the pizzas are here!
384
00:15:33,900 --> 00:15:36,430
(cheering, party music plays)
385
00:15:36,436 --> 00:15:38,236
Oh, yeah, here he comes.
386
00:15:38,238 --> 00:15:40,368
The life of this party!
387
00:15:40,373 --> 00:15:43,943
Who wants to get back to work?
388
00:15:43,944 --> 00:15:45,914
(record scratch, music stops)
man:
What?
389
00:15:45,912 --> 00:15:46,952
(balloons squeak)
390
00:15:46,947 --> 00:15:48,877
We are a public trust.
391
00:15:48,882 --> 00:15:51,122
We bring power
to people's homes.
392
00:15:51,117 --> 00:15:55,117
Lightbulbs, toasters,
and that's all I can think of.
393
00:15:55,121 --> 00:15:57,021
Now let's buckle down!
394
00:15:59,391 --> 00:16:01,961
Okay, homer, just let us get
our microwave popcorn
395
00:16:01,962 --> 00:16:02,992
Out of the core.
396
00:16:02,996 --> 00:16:04,556
You're only supposed to do that
397
00:16:04,564 --> 00:16:06,834
When we're watching a movie
in the core.
398
00:16:06,833 --> 00:16:09,333
(rapid popping, then explosion)
399
00:16:09,336 --> 00:16:10,936
(crickets chirping)
400
00:16:10,937 --> 00:16:13,237
(indistinct conversations)
401
00:16:13,239 --> 00:16:16,539
(ragtime piano music plays)
402
00:16:24,616 --> 00:16:27,746
(pop, then squirt,
windshield wipers thumping)
403
00:16:30,189 --> 00:16:32,959
(cheering and whooping)
404
00:16:32,959 --> 00:16:34,529
Thank you, thank you.
405
00:16:34,527 --> 00:16:35,787
Well, that's the easiest time
406
00:16:35,795 --> 00:16:38,195
Anyone's had parking
at the springfield bowl.
407
00:16:38,198 --> 00:16:39,358
(laughter)
408
00:16:39,366 --> 00:16:41,026
Don't you laugh at me!
(laughter dies down)
409
00:16:41,034 --> 00:16:43,034
Now, enjoy the show.
410
00:16:44,603 --> 00:16:46,943
God always liked you best.
411
00:16:46,940 --> 00:16:49,670
No, god loves
everyone equally.
412
00:16:49,676 --> 00:16:51,506
That's wonderful news.
413
00:16:51,511 --> 00:16:52,841
(chuckles)
414
00:16:52,846 --> 00:16:54,946
Enough of your
tomfoolery, todd.
415
00:16:54,948 --> 00:16:56,178
Let's sing.
416
00:16:56,182 --> 00:16:59,622
Both:
♪ michael,
row your boat ashore ♪
417
00:16:59,619 --> 00:17:03,019
♪ hallelujah
418
00:17:03,023 --> 00:17:06,563
♪ michael,
row your boat ashore ♪
419
00:17:06,559 --> 00:17:09,029
♪ hallelu...
420
00:17:09,029 --> 00:17:13,969
Say, sockie, who was that lady
I saw you with last night?
421
00:17:13,967 --> 00:17:15,967
(high-pitched):
That was no lady.
422
00:17:15,969 --> 00:17:17,369
That was your mother.
423
00:17:17,370 --> 00:17:19,200
(normal voice):
Oh, she'll date anyone.
424
00:17:19,205 --> 00:17:21,705
Why won't she give me
a stable home?
425
00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:24,208
(high-pitched):
Haw-haw!
426
00:17:24,210 --> 00:17:26,280
(bells ringing melodically)
427
00:17:27,746 --> 00:17:31,176
(bells stop, xylophone plays)
428
00:17:31,184 --> 00:17:34,194
(drumroll, hatch creaks)
429
00:17:34,187 --> 00:17:35,417
(cymbal crash,
audience applauds)
430
00:17:35,422 --> 00:17:37,922
Um, this is just
a simple twins trick.
431
00:17:37,924 --> 00:17:40,024
They pulled the other twin
out of the tank
432
00:17:40,026 --> 00:17:41,426
Behind the curtain.
433
00:17:41,428 --> 00:17:43,428
(applause)
434
00:17:43,430 --> 00:17:48,230
(fireworks exploding,
audience cheering and whooping)
435
00:17:48,234 --> 00:17:50,444
Wait, that wasn't
part of the show.
436
00:17:50,437 --> 00:17:51,767
(screaming)
437
00:17:51,771 --> 00:17:53,941
No. No, it's not fair!
438
00:17:53,940 --> 00:17:54,940
I was good!
439
00:17:54,941 --> 00:17:56,211
Arnold.
440
00:17:56,209 --> 00:17:57,709
Palmer!
(grunting)
441
00:17:57,710 --> 00:17:59,110
(both laughing)
442
00:17:59,112 --> 00:18:01,382
(sighs)
fantastic.
443
00:18:01,381 --> 00:18:03,451
What a finale, eh, mr. Burns?
444
00:18:03,450 --> 00:18:06,250
Childhood trauma cured,
huh, huh?
445
00:18:06,252 --> 00:18:08,622
That wasn't the finale.
446
00:18:08,621 --> 00:18:10,491
(audience laughing)
447
00:18:13,258 --> 00:18:16,358
Maestro, "golden slippers,"
if you please.
448
00:18:16,362 --> 00:18:17,602
Ooh, boy.
449
00:18:20,199 --> 00:18:22,269
(shudders)
450
00:18:22,268 --> 00:18:24,098
We can't let him make
a fool of himself again.
451
00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:28,608
No, no, mr. Burns
needs to do this.
452
00:18:31,777 --> 00:18:33,947
♪ oh, dem golden slippers
453
00:18:33,947 --> 00:18:36,377
♪ oh, dem gold...
(stammers)
454
00:18:36,382 --> 00:18:38,552
Ow, the burn.
Ooh!
455
00:18:38,551 --> 00:18:41,221
Mr. Burns can't take the impact
of that many photons.
456
00:18:41,221 --> 00:18:43,221
Those light-shining fools!
457
00:18:43,223 --> 00:18:44,223
(muttering)
458
00:18:44,224 --> 00:18:46,724
Ow!
Ah!
459
00:18:46,726 --> 00:18:50,596
(laughter)
460
00:18:50,597 --> 00:18:52,927
Oh, for a murder of crows
461
00:18:52,932 --> 00:18:55,172
To pluck out mine eyes!
462
00:18:55,168 --> 00:18:56,168
You.
463
00:18:56,169 --> 00:18:57,269
This show was your fault.
464
00:18:57,270 --> 00:18:59,940
Well, you'd better
know this, mister.
465
00:18:59,939 --> 00:19:01,609
This town has my back.
466
00:19:01,608 --> 00:19:02,838
And... Hey.
467
00:19:02,842 --> 00:19:03,942
Where did they go?
468
00:19:03,943 --> 00:19:06,913
How did 15,000 people
leave so fast?
469
00:19:06,913 --> 00:19:08,953
Um... Hey!
470
00:19:08,948 --> 00:19:11,118
Want to see me do a cartwheel?
471
00:19:11,117 --> 00:19:13,077
(chuckles nervously,
then grunts)
472
00:19:13,086 --> 00:19:14,116
(sighs)
473
00:19:14,120 --> 00:19:16,490
Always had trouble with those.
474
00:19:17,589 --> 00:19:19,789
Oh, I can't stay mad at you.
475
00:19:19,792 --> 00:19:22,032
At my age, I can't
stay anything at anybody.
476
00:19:22,028 --> 00:19:23,528
Oh, and you know what?
477
00:19:23,530 --> 00:19:25,600
The laughter in my head is gone.
478
00:19:25,598 --> 00:19:27,968
Go ahead,
blow your german kazoo.
479
00:19:27,967 --> 00:19:28,967
Yes, sir!
480
00:19:28,968 --> 00:19:31,038
(playing "golden slippers")
481
00:19:32,938 --> 00:19:35,008
Smithers, tap my foot for me.
482
00:19:35,008 --> 00:19:36,608
With impatience.
483
00:19:36,609 --> 00:19:38,879
Now, lift my arm
so I can check my watch.
484
00:19:38,878 --> 00:19:40,338
Oh, you really
should start doing
485
00:19:40,346 --> 00:19:42,006
Some of these things yourself.
486
00:19:42,015 --> 00:19:43,175
♪
487
00:19:48,787 --> 00:19:51,517
(slurps)
dad, why do
simpsons always fail?
488
00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:56,794
Oh, sweetie pie, it's a terrible
curse that goes back centuries.
489
00:19:56,796 --> 00:19:58,696
(knocking on door)
490
00:19:58,698 --> 00:19:59,698
No, no!
491
00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:00,869
Don't answer that.
492
00:20:00,867 --> 00:20:03,367
Man: We just need a place
to stay for the night.
493
00:20:03,369 --> 00:20:05,369
Oh, shouldn't we help them?
494
00:20:05,371 --> 00:20:08,811
Hey, in zero bc,
you can't trust anybody.
495
00:20:08,808 --> 00:20:10,068
Curse them, mary!
496
00:20:10,076 --> 00:20:12,536
You curse them,
my water just broke!
497
00:20:12,545 --> 00:20:13,605
Please?
498
00:20:14,813 --> 00:20:16,383
(goofy spring sound)
499
00:20:16,382 --> 00:20:18,422
(laser sound, then explosion)
500
00:20:18,418 --> 00:20:20,418
You're telling me
that really happened?
501
00:20:20,420 --> 00:20:22,550
They looked just like us,
didn't they?
502
00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:24,615
(ragtime band plays)
503
00:20:33,565 --> 00:20:36,625
Tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-that's all,
folks!
504
00:20:44,543 --> 00:20:46,613
Captioned by
media access group at wgbh
505
00:21:18,110 --> 00:21:20,180
Shh!
506
00:21:27,653 --> 00:21:29,553
You've just watched
the simpsons.
507
00:21:29,555 --> 00:21:32,355
Now here are a few more shows
to check out from fox.
508
00:21:35,427 --> 00:21:37,157
Zorn is an animated barbarian
509
00:21:37,163 --> 00:21:39,433
From the island nation
of zephyria.
510
00:21:39,432 --> 00:21:42,102
Man: He wears a battle strap
and furry underpants.
511
00:21:42,101 --> 00:21:43,831
Other than that,
he's just a normal guy.
512
00:21:43,836 --> 00:21:46,736
My name's zorn,
defender of zephyria,
513
00:21:46,739 --> 00:21:48,809
Conqueror of the tribes
of agon,
514
00:21:48,808 --> 00:21:51,108
Decapitator of
the dark herdsmen of grith.
Yeah, I know, zorn.
515
00:21:51,110 --> 00:21:53,910
-It was my last name too.
-He's trying to reconnect
with his ex-wife--
516
00:21:53,913 --> 00:21:55,653
I'm with craig now.
517
00:21:55,648 --> 00:21:58,478
When you just said that,
you were actually staring
at my quadriceps.
518
00:21:58,484 --> 00:22:01,654
-No, I wasn't.
-Forge a connection finally
with his teenage son.
519
00:22:01,654 --> 00:22:04,264
Alan's relationship with zorn
is tenuous.
520
00:22:04,257 --> 00:22:06,087
It's weird
'cause he just got back.
521
00:22:06,092 --> 00:22:08,492
What do you think?
It's all yours.
522
00:22:08,494 --> 00:22:09,964
(screeches)
523
00:22:09,962 --> 00:22:13,162
When he comes back, he finds out
that she has a fiancé.
524
00:22:13,166 --> 00:22:16,626
Zorn, this is craig,
my fiancé.
525
00:22:16,636 --> 00:22:19,866
Zorn, it's obvious
that you're applying
way too much pressure
526
00:22:19,872 --> 00:22:22,312
-To my hand right now.
-Uh-huh.
527
00:22:22,308 --> 00:22:23,868
Actually, it hurts.
It does?
528
00:22:23,876 --> 00:22:26,676
It really does.
You're emasculating me
in front of my fiancée.
529
00:22:26,679 --> 00:22:29,679
Zorn is surprised to find
that people in orange county
530
00:22:29,682 --> 00:22:31,322
Are not that impressed.
531
00:22:31,317 --> 00:22:34,347
You a big bracelet nut?
Check this one out.
Hey! Look at that.
532
00:22:34,354 --> 00:22:36,224
Zorn's kind of
a man out of time.
533
00:22:36,222 --> 00:22:38,462
-Come here! I'm gonna kill you!
-Oh, my god!
-Don't murder her!
534
00:22:38,458 --> 00:22:40,958
He'd be a great fit
hundreds of years ago.
535
00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:43,730
-You're gone. Put that away,
or you're gone. So gone.
-Okay. You got it.
536
00:22:43,730 --> 00:22:45,800
Put that away!No, absolutely.
34590
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