Original subtitles

Hey, old girl.

You ready to bend gravity over and have our way with it?

Hola, amigo.

I'm Hawaiian.

Sorry. Aloha, amigo.

Listen...

Izzy,

we go way back, so I don't mind saying, you guys are slipping.

Your job is to clean this plane from soup to nuts,

and you're doing a great job on the soup,

but the nuts need a little more attention.

I can't spend my time cleaning my own cockpit.

Unless any of you know how to land a plane

and want to switch jobs.

I'm actually at 1,300 pilot hours, so...

Exactly. So moving forward,

let's see some of that extra effort.

Kobe!

Jackpot Airlines.

Northeast-bound to Las Vegas.

Synced and corrected by louvette www.addic7ed.com

Oh. Look at the bag on this one.

Good luck getting that in the overhead.

Ugh. Tiny white women have no idea how much trouble they are.

You're a nightmare.

Pick me up.

This feels like a trap.

Sorry. I'm so sorry.

Awkward introductions. This is my son, Nate.

He had an accident and escaped mid-change.

Don't worry, all the poop's been wiped off.

It's just standard airport filth on him now.

If I had knees like that,

I'd never take off my pants.

It's his first time coming to L.A. with me,

so, as you can see, it's incredibly stressful.

Oh, well, um, hello, Nate.

- It's nice to meet you. - What are you doing?

You're supposed to let them smell your hand first

so they know you're friendly.

You're thinking of dogs. You don't have

a lot of experience with children, do you?

No, but, in middle school, I did go

to a lot of my friends' baby showers.

Oh, look, Nate.

There's the pilot. He's gonna be flying the big plane.

Captain Dave.

Don't do drugs.

Yet.

Um...

Is that my little Nate-ball?

Oh, I could just snort you up.

Hi there, big boy.

Do you remember us from your birthday party?

I'm your Uncle Artem!

Just "Artem" is fine.

What is that behind your ear?

Oh!

Thank...

Aw. He's a natural.

Yeah.

There he Iz... zy.

Hope you don't mind the tough love before.

No. In fact, it inspired us.

I feel like we did an extra good job today.

Good, good. I mean, obviously, I'll be the judge of that,

but I like the confidence.

Another bit of advice... when you smile about stuff,

it looks suspicious.

_

Are you okay?

I can see your body glitter,

but that usual sparkle is gone.

It wasn't a great weekend. Last night,

I'm at the club wearing my schoolgirl outfit,

ready to dance, and the DJ intro'd me by saying,

"Don't worry, guys, she's legal."

So, legal is no good?

No. Don't you understand?

Before, I was "barely legal."

Now I'm just "legal."

You take out that "barely," and I'm just another

middle-aged girl dancing the brunch shift.

- But, uh... - Oh, my God,

I can smell the middle age on me.

It smells of old and death.

No, that's not you.

And I have smelled death before,

and there's relief in it.

This is much worse.

Ugh, what is that?

I can taste it.

Don't worry, I'll get to the bottom of this.

Ronnie!

Yeah, it's rough back there. The smell has moved up to row eight.

We have to do something.

I can't smell anything ever since I snorted wasabi on a dare.

I'm sorry, Alan, you should have said "truth."

Does anyone know where the hell it's coming from?

Have we checked if anyone brought on...

It's not ethnic food.

Well, one of these stinky ground-os brought something,

because my boys didn't say anything about a smell.

- Your boys? - The cleaning crew.

I talked to them this morning.

- There it is. - Smell explained.

It's not like that. I came on, gave a pep talk,

shot some hoops. They called me Kobe.

Well, we can't make people fly like this.

So, I guess it's time to make everyone angry.

So sorry.

Thank you for your patience.

Don't worry, the smell isn't him.

No, I know. This just smells much better.

Flight 237 with nonstop service

to Los Angeles has been delayed until further notice.

- We apologize for the inconvenience. - Excuse me.

Uh, the contents of this briefcase need to be

in Los Angeles by 5:00 p.m.

It should just be a minor delay.

The contents of this briefcase need to be

in Los Angeles by 5:00 p.m.

Okay. Sit tight.

Uh, Ronnie, hi.

Yeah, I know... I know the plane has been cleared.

Is there any way I could pop back on and get something?

- What do you think this is, September 10? - It's just,

I left Nate's Yellow Bear, and he's very attached to it.

If he wakes up, it's not there, he's gonna... have a meltdown.

Can't you just feed him a treat and rub his belly?

I'm very concerned about your understanding of human children.

Fine. I will get the bear.

But I want him to know I'm the hero.

I mean, I don't want hugs or affection,

but I want the credit.

I will teach him the concept of credit

and have him direct it toward you.

Oh, uh,

I'm sorry, where are you two going?

Away from the smell.

No, you have to go back in there and fix it,

since this is your fault.

You're way, way off base on this.

Those guys love me.

I'm like an inner city principal

that finally got through to them.

Then it's time to stand and deliver.

- You still have to find the smell. - Why?

Because you're the captain, damn it.

And they didn't give you that title because

you run away from smells...

they gave it to you because you're a leader.

You're right.

It's all up to Captain Dave.

You played to his ego.

Smart.

And I need you to go in and help.

You're the only person I trust to watch him,

with those beautiful, ageless eyes

that hold the wisdom of a thousand Oprahs.

I see what you're doing.

And it worked.

Hey.

I'll have what she's having.

Like the movie.

You're Sally, and I'm old

Jewish woman who wants orgasm.

I'm sorry.

My day just keeps getting worse.

The bartender didn't even card me.

I might as well start wearing jackets with shoulder pads

and posting on Facebook.

Hey, listen, I have good news.

I'm gonna teach you poker.

You will be natural.

You see, poker's not just a card game...

it is art.

It requires intuition,

deception, and sometimes flirting.

Like stripping.

Bingo is your name-o!

Now I will whip out my deck

and teach you how to play with it.

Which one is bigger number,

seven or ten?

Ten.

You are a fast learner.

Just like Sheldon on that Big Bang Bazinga show.

Should we touch fists and make them explode?

Okay.

Explosion.

Sorry, no bear,

but I did find half a joint,

so I guess I will go see Cirque du Soleil with Artem.

Oh, Yellow Bear wasn't in there?

Oh, my God. That means it could be anywhere.

Um, okay, let me think.

Uh, I know I had him in the Lyft.

The elevator "lift" or the car "Lyft"?

British people say things weird.

The car Lyft. I was holding the bear

while Nate finished off his aubergine Parmesan.

Well, that means it must be in the airport.

I have to go and find it.

We can't start our first week together like this.

He'll never want to come back.

Okay, wait, wait, wait. You're not gonna get anywhere

in this place without me, so I'll-I'll help you find him.

Uh, what do I do about Nate?

Uh... Oh, Alan.

Can you watch Nate for a little bit?

- Sure. I'm great with living things. - It's true.

He tried to help his goldfish find her birth parents.

Perhaps we should be quite quick about this, then.

Yeah.

If Yellow Bear is anywhere,

he'll be at security.

90% of stuff that gets lost is left here.

This damn bear is the bane of my existence.

We never should have given it to him in the first place.

Stuffed animals only breed

irrational emotional attachments.

And, if left in the wrong puddle, diphtheria.

This guy has been left in several puddles,

and he hasn't given me anything but kisses and hugs.

What is that?

My irrational emotional attachment.

His name is Ganz. Well, actually,

his full name is Ganz Dieter Ganz.

He's from the German hinterlands,

and he's a former Olympic gymnast

who retired to become a coach.

Well, that's funny, 'cause his tag just says "China."

Would you rather hear about how my dad traded

all his cigarettes for him at Wasco State Prison

just so I'd have a date

to my third grade daddy-daughter dance?

I've never met an Olympian before.

Mm-hmm.

- Hey, Annette. Do you have a minute? - Oh, Ronnie,

you picked a great day to come.

There are some very shady characters

we need to keep our eye on.

Oh...

check out this one.

He's trying to smuggle a thermos in his pants.

Hi, we're looking for a stuffed yellow bear.

Um, might have been left here.

Have you seen anything like that?

Maybe, but they just did a pickup,

so it'd be in the TSA vault by now.

Okay, thank you, Annette. Let's hit the vault.

We're making progress. We killed the power

to stop air circulation,

and my candles are containing the smell at row eight.

You really travel with all these?

I have a very specific bath-to-bed ritual.

If it's good enough for Angela Bassett,

it's good enough for me.

No, I don't want it contained, Bernard.

I want it dead. Find that smell

before we screw up the whole day's schedule.

You married three of those?

Bernie, give it to me straight. You really think

the cleaning crew did this to me on purpose?

- I do. - But why? Those guys love me.

- They don't. - Well, maybe not as much as the ground crew.

- They don't, either. - Okay, but...

They really don't.

You don't even know what I was gonna say.

It literally could have been anyone.

You're crazy. I have a great relationship

with everyone in this airport, especially the support staff.

I make friendly eye contact, I give away

my leftovers, I cover them

with newspaper when they look cold.

Oh, my God. I treat them like homeless people.

I am a monster.

David, you need to focus.

We have to find the smell.

I will not let these candles give their lives in vain.

No wonder people don't like me.

I thought I was beloved.

But I'm be-hated.

- Wow. - _

So, this is where all my shampoo and pointy tweezers end up.

Yep, this place has everything. It's the best place to go

if you need face creams, lotions, suspicious vibrators.

It's where I do all my Christmas shopping.

Really? Your Christmas shopping?

Excuse me. Holiday shopping.

No, that wasn't the part I was...

It doesn't matter.

- Ronnie! - Chuck, hey.

Uh, hello. What are you two doing here?

Well, this is my poker game during delays,

and today I bring Nichole. She's my pupil.

The best way to learn is to throw her in water,

like baby you want to teach swim or to get rid of.

I see

your Château Lafite Rothschild

and raise you one gold denture

and one koala snow globe.

Are you betting with contraband?

Doesn't this belong to people?

Yeah, people not smart enough

to hide their things in their tush.

Actually, some of this stuff has been tushed.

You want to make a bid on a pair of Yeezys

I took off some mouthy sixth grader?

No, actually, um,

we're looking for a stuffed yellow bear.

I think he might have been left in security.

Narc?

British.

Well, we can check in the back.

Okay, great.

So, uh, how is this organized?

Is there somewhere we should look first?

Start with that shelf. If it's not there,

try all the other shelves.

Oh, my God.

I know. Pretty cool, right?

No. "Oh, my God," this is gonna take forever.

Oh, yeah. That, too.

Oh, I better call Alan to check on Nate.

Flight 237 has been further delayed.

Boarding will now begin at 3:30 p.m.

The contents of this briefcase

need to be in Los Angeles

by 5:00 p.m.

I got your nose!

No, I got your nose.

Oh!

I'm all in.

Yes? So, what do you have?

A flush?

Kimmy Gibbler's Full House?

- Okay, I fold. - Yes!

I-I totally bluffed you. Look, I had nothing.

Most of them weren't even the same color.

- Damn, Artem, she owned you. - Making money

with your clothes on is fun.

- Who wants to play again? - No more. I'm done.

I will make like Christian and "Bale."

Move.

Hey, was Nate's bear hollowed out

and filled with cocaine, by any chance?

Hmm. Don't believe so.

Then it's none of these.

This is impossible.

We're never gonna find a small bear.

It's like trying to find a needle

in a haystack full of terrible life choices.

Maybe we're looking at this the wrong way.

We should be using all this stuff to help us.

How?

Oh! I think I can see something

on that shelf over there.

- Can you check it out? - I'm on it.

Oh.

- Anything? - No.

How is that helping?

I don't know. It just seems fun.

Hey, guys!

I think they found the bear over by A16.

I could use your help.

The smell is getting stronger.

And smarter.

What do you want from us?!

Go, Bernard.

Save yourself.

What are you doing?

I'm gonna let it take me.

I understand now, I am the smell.

I am the unpleasant thing pushing people away.

All right. I've had enough.

Get... up.

Here's the truth.

Sometimes you can be condescending, oblivious

and think you're fancier than you are.

You're like the sorbet of people.

At least I'm low-fat.

But it's okay. You can do what I do.

Be your fiercest self and not care what people think.

Or... I can be better.

I can be the leader this airline needs.

Tell me honestly, Bernie. Do you like me?

I don't hate you, and that's the most I could like anyone.

Do you want to talk about it?

I've been playing poker for 40 years,

and in one hour, you have surpassed me.

Artem is in retrograde.

No, you should feel good.

It means you're a good teacher.

It means that I wasted my life.

All those hours I could have been with my six daughters.

I live for those beautiful 11 eyes.

Now those eyes will only see failure.

I think it was just beginner's luck. I promise.

You know, I bet if we played again, you'd totally win.

No, I'm like an old greyhound whose hips have gone bad.

Might as well take me to the kitchen, cook me for dinner.

Come on, just one more game. All right?

Winner take all. Shuffle up and deal.

Okay.

But this time, we play with chips.

Hold the salsa.

Oh, there's Yellow Bear! Over there!

- Over there. - Yellow Bear!

- Sir. - No.

- Please. - A-Annette, that's,

- that's his son's bear. - Step back. It's out of my hands.

It's been unattended for too long

and it's marked for elimination.

Elimination? What does that mean?

Oh, God.

Uh...

Mm-hmm.

I could only find one eye, but this purple Skittle

will pass for the other one, right?

Oh, it's okay, Colin.

Yellow Bear is in a better place now.

Several better places.

I mean, what kind of monster lets this happen

to his son's favorite toy?

Hey, I... I don't know much about kids,

but I do know that what's better than having a yellow bear

is having a dad who's willing

to run all around the airport trying to find it.

I'm sorry. I know you're trying to help,

but, um, I didn't find it in time.

And that's all Nate's gonna care about.

Oh, you just have a chunk of his face...

Never mind.

Hey, what's going on?

Nichole's giving Artem one last chance to win back his money.

With the plane. What's going on with the plane?

Dave said he could handle it himself.

I called him sorbet and he took it very personally.

Don't you call me sorbet?

No, honey, you're sherbet.

I'm going all in.

I call.

Okay.

Trip kings.

You got me.

Looks like the student has become the student.

Oh, there's my boy.

Shh. Daddy.

Where's Yellow Bear?

Whup.

No, no, no.

I'll get check.

It's the least I can do since you let me win.

- No, I didn't let you win. - Whatever you say.

But me and my five daughters, we appreciate it.

You said you had six daughters.

Did I?

Wha...?

Wait, you said all of that so...

No, but you were so sad.

Well, I can bring sadness on command.

I've seen many people being ripped apart by horses.

You may be good at cards,

but you have a lot to learn about hustling.

Lesson number one, listen.

The game is happening even if the cards are not out.

So, um,

got to talk to you about, uh, Yellow Bear.

Um... How do I put this?

Um, you know how we don't see Grandma anymore?

- Hey, Nate. - Well...

So, it turns out,

Yellow Bear got a spot on Heaven's Olympic team,

but he sent his very special friend

to keep you company.

And if it's okay,

- he'd like to come and live with you. - I love him.

I'm gonna call him Purple Elephant.

Ganz. His name is Ganz Dieter Ganz, so call him that.

Okay.

He's been around for a long time,

and he took care of me through some very tough times,

so I know he will take good care of you.

That was an incredibly kind gesture.

I can't imagine how hard that must have been for you.

Thank you so much.

You know, especially as you could have just given him

any one of the stuffed animals from the vault.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

- The contents... - Of this briefcase

will be in Los Angeles by 5:00 p.m.

Now sit down!

If not, I'll just take my chances with the cartel.

Great.

- Sorry to bother you. - Mm-hmm.

Amigos, I owe you an apology.

I haven't been treating you

with the respect that you deserve.

You're my engines on the ground,

and my behavior should reflect that.

So, from now on, I promise you'll be seeing

a whole new Captain Dave.

We appreciate this,

but we're not the guys who clean your plane.

You think I'm Izzy, don't you?

Uh-huh, okay, in that case,

these aren't "I'm sorry" pastries,

they're "let's keep this between us" pastries.

So did you fix it?

I'm oh-for-three on my apology tour.

Well, the bakery's out of bear claws.

We're gonna need a new plane.

Synced and corrected by louvette www.addic7ed.com