Original subtitles

[Horns honking]

[Horn honks]

[Tires screech]

[Brakes squeal]

[Door chime rings]

Benjy! Benjy, you must come.

What is it?

It's Julia. She's going to do away with herself.

Good heavens!

[Door chime rings]

Man: Now, then, let them worry.

We've got all our stuff.

It's that actress on the first floor.

Short life and a merry one.

[Footsteps]

Where is she?

In there.

She said she'd stick her head in the gas oven.

Break the door down.

She doesn't answer anymore.

Oh! That's horrible!

Maybe we're too late!

Open up! Open up, here!

[Rattling doorknob and banging on door]

Can't you let me die in peace?

Julia, it's me... benjy. Don't do anything desperate.

What have I got to live for?

They took away my furniture,

And the apartment's full of men waving bills, and I'm stony broke!

You've everything to live for: Youth, beauty.

No good, benjy. Nothing's any good anymore,

Not unless somebody pays off those men.

Good idea, guv'nor. Why don't you pay us?

Well, didn't you hear me, benjy?

Benjy: Oh, so that's what you're up to.

Well, go ahead and kill yourself.

Meanwhile, I'll kill Louise.

Louise: Honestly, benjy, I thought she meant it.

Benjy: I'm going back to the shop, and I do mean it!

Look. Wait a minute, benjy. Wait a minute.

It's just a matter of business.

I've got a whole heap of valuable family heirlooms in here,

And I'm gonna let you have the whole lot for a song.

I don't want 'em.

Now, look, I'm not gonna let you pay off my creditors with your money,

I wouldn't dream of it.

Benjy: I never said I would.

No, you didn't say so, darling, but I know you.

You're such a good, sweet, wonderful, warm-hearted...

Oh, no, you don't!

You tricked me once before like that!

Well, I always paid you back, didn't I?

Oh, come on, benjy. Please.

Oh...

All right.

Well, how much?

Rent... £18, 10.

Snow drop dairy... £3, 6.

Benjy: Julia, let me have a look at the stuff.

Well, you can't. I'm in the nude.

Well, get out of the nude.

They want £35. That's a lot of money.

The grandfather clock alone is worth £100.

[Clock chimes, gears rattle and grind]

What's that infernal row?

It's, uh, it's a coffee grinder...

An antique coffee grinder.

Coffee grinder? I don't want that.

What make of a clock is it?

It's, uh... It's a... Windstock.

All right, I'll give you £35.

Oh, benjy... £40 or nothing.

I need a little something for myself.

No.

Have a heart, guv'nor.

All right, £37. £2 for you.

£40.

Man: Be a sport, guv'nor, and go another pound.

£37!

Julia: 40!

£37 and not a penny more!

£42 and not a penny less.

Benjy: Hey, you said 40, and that's all you'll get!

Sold!

Yes, sold!

Well, good.

All right, all right, come to my shop, and I'll pay you off.

Hooray.

[Door opens]

Oh, benjy, you always were an old darling.

Now, I'll get dressed, and we'll all go out and celebrate.

Celebrate what?

Well, all my bills are paid, and I've still got £5.

[Playing soft dinner music]

[Jazz playing over jukebox]

All right, Tony, and to top it off,

We'll have a bottle of veuve clicquot.

Champagne?

Don't worry. The party's on me.

You're hopeless, Julia.

What's going to become of you?

Oh, something always pops.

Here's a few more bills that came for you.

Only a few days ago, Tony seabrook invited her on his houseboat.

Not Tony seabrook the polo player?

The same. 6' 4" and how he handles himself.

Why didn't you go?

Well, they practically promised me a speaking part in the new Cochran show.

I wasn't going to let anything interfere...

What is it?

What is it?

Nothing. Excuse me.

Oh, tell us, Julia.

It's my baby.

Baby?

My little Susan.

Well, what happened?

She's going to be married.

Your daughter?

"The honorable roderick minden."

My word.

Who's this Mr. William packett?

That's my husband.

Husband? Your husband?

Oh, I was just a kid at the time.

We got married all of a sudden.

It was in the war.

When we came back, we... we just couldn't make it work.

The baby...

Oh, shut up, Louise. What'd you want me to do,

Take her in the chorus with me?

His family had all the money.

They could do everything for her.

Too bad to have to give up your child.

You're telling me.

But I'll bet it'll be a lovely wedding.

Oh, for the love of Mike.

Leave her alone.

No, I'm all right, benjy.

It's just a bit of a shock, that's all.

You're going to this wedding.

Walk across France, I suppose, and turn up in rags.

Why, the only decent things I've got are this suit and that skiing outfit.

Never mind that.

You want to see your little Susan, don't you?

I'd give my life to see her.

And so you shall, my dear.

I'm going to dress you up

To give these swells a treat.

Benjy...

Here, waiter!

Bring me a telegram form.

You're going to send them a cable.

Oh, benjy...

Oh...

You think she'll like me?

She's your daughter, isn't she?

She'll like you.

Oh, benjy.

Here you are.

Merci beaucoup, madame.

There's a cablegram for Mr. packett.

Very well, Daisy. Put it there.

Mr. packett's out on the lawn.

I'll see he gets it later.

[Whack]

[Whack]

[Whack]

This mania for hitting little balls all over the place

Is quite beyond me.

I suppose you'd say that fishing is much more exciting.

Ah, but fishing is different.

When you fish, you sit and rest and relax with time to think.

What have you got when you're through with this?

Callouses on your hands and muscles in the wrong places.

Daddy, darling, why don't you go in the house

And get yourself a lemonade.

That's a very sound idea.

Ahh...

Father: If it's muscles you want, why don't you take up wrestling?

Good morning, ritchie.

Good morning, sir.

Look here, ritchie.

When I engaged you to paint these murals,

You had definite instruction.

You've made some changes.

Ritchie: For the better, I hope, sir.

What do you think of this one, sir,

Agamemnon beating psyche at table tennis?

Ah, yeah. I think that ought to get over all right,

But, uh, the thinker here.

Didn't you use to have a polo game there or something?

You've altered that a bit, haven't you?

Yes, I did, but I got to thinking...

If a chap were really thinking, what would he think about?

Yes. I follow your line of thought.

Now, king Arthur here,

Is that a board meeting he's holding?

Well, you can't see what he's holding. This is poker.

A bit red in the face, isn't he?

That's what you call a royal flush.

Sorry I brought it up.

Oh, no. The king brought it up.

That's why our friend in the foreground was reduced to his underwear.

Two pairs, I presume.

Huh. Oh, you're a little too quick for me today, sir.

I have my moments.

Ah, lady godiva. Very amusing.

The boys don't seem to know the race is over.

William.

Yes, dear?

A cable for you.

Oh, thank you.

You like the murals any better now, mother?

I've told you repeatedly I didn't like them.

They're completely out of keeping with the rest of the house.

But you persist in...

Oh!

What's the matter?

Why, it's Susan.

Oh, no, dear. It's lady godiva.

No! It's Susan! Look for yourself.

Mother, it can't be. It...

Well, upon my soul!

Must have been a slip of the brush.

Well, you'll oblige me by altering that face at once.

I should think so.

Why, it's such bad taste. It's absolutely disgusting.

I say, mother, will you come with me, please?

I want to speak to you.

Susan, I want you, too, in the drawing room, please.

Yes, dad.

Very funny.

Oh. I thought your fiance might like it.

Very funny indeed.

"Thanks for invitation to wedding.

"I'm grateful, happy, excited,

"And taking boat train tomorrow.

Julia packett"!

Yeah.

Invitation? I don't understand.

How did she get hold of an invitation?

Well, I know I didn't send her one,

And I don't suppose you did, mother.

Now, this is no time for joking, William.

I know, but somebody sent it. Susan?

Why should I want to have her here?

This is appalling. Who could have invited her?

I'll get the guest list. I'm certain her name isn't on it.

She's never bothered us in all these years.

She even refused the money we offered her.

I don't know what's come over her now.

Well, if you'd listened to me in the first place,

This never would have happened.

William: Oh, of course, of course.

Now, this is all your fault.

You should have arranged for a divorce years ago, but you didn't,

So now we must stop her.

Here's her address. Cable her. Tell her.

Well, I can't just write "don't come."

What would you suggest?

I haven't any idea, mother, what to suggest.

I mean, if, uh...

Unless I arrange to meet her in Paris.

Well, what will you say?

I'll be perfectly Frank. That's the only way.

After all, she left the child with me

From the day we agreed to part.

Now she has no right to force herself on us now.

Certainly not.

I think I'll leave immediately.

Yes. And, William...

Don't be seen in public with her.

You might meet some of our friends.

Mother, she's no longer a 17-year-old chorus girl.

She won't turn up in tights.

[Man whistles]

Beg your pardon. Either one of you ladies got some eau de cologne?

Oh, I've got some smelling salts. Why?

It's ma. She's gone blue.

Oh, let's have a look.

Julia: Get out of the way.

Do you want to kill her?

Let the lady take charge.

Get her hat off, quickly.

[Lady moaning]

Careful, Freddy. It's my new Katie.

Look, it's pinned here, can't you see?

She won't let us loosen her stays.

Quite right, too. Here, hold this.

This stomach wants holding together, not loosening.

You should tighten them up, if anything.

You can't. Not without killing her.

I don't see how she breathes as it is!

Here, have a good, deep whiff of this.

Ahh...

You have wonderful lung power.

Yes, indeed.

You should hear her sing the last chord upside down.

Huh. Well... Are you feeling better now?

A little.

Come on. Help me get her down to my stateroom.

Oh, you'll be fit as a fiddle in no time.

Now, believe me, darling,

Or believe me not...

I said to myself, "greasepaint,"

The moment I set eyes on you.

Yes, I thought perhaps you did.

With manner correct and every inch a lady,

I said to myself, "greasepaint."

I'm never wrong.

Are you sure you're feeling all right now?

Oh, fine, fine.

Good, good.

You know, this nice bunch of sons you have...

What's the name of the big one?

You mean Freddy.

Well, uh, maybe I better go upstairs and tell them you're all right.

They might worry.

Won't you have a glass of champagne before you go?

Thanks, no.

All I want is fresh air.

Well, would you believe it?

So you're Freddy, huh?

That's right.

You know, somehow the name Freddy,

It doesn't quite seem to suit you.

Well, the name's really Alfredo ghenoccio,

After me ancestor who gave the command performance

Before king James ii at Hampton court.

Fancy that.

I suppose I ought to be quite scared

Being out here with a big, strong, dangerous-looking man like you.

Oh, we're a very famous family.

The 6 flying ghenoccios have topped the bill for over 200 years.

Really? Were all the others handsome, too?

Well, it's not so much what they looked as what they did.

In acrobatics, you can say we changed the whole picture.

But you kept the frame.

How's that again?

The frame, Freddy. This. Whoo!

Oh...

The others arm's stronger.

Ah ha. Well...

Ohh... Ha ha! Say...

I bet if you took me in your arms,

You could just about crush me to death.

It's the training what does it.

Well... You must be a riot with the women.

Oh, we always went pretty big with the men, too.

It takes all sorts to make an audience, you know.

Oh, forget about the audiences, Fred.

Here we are, blue seas, romance in the air.

In fact, the only thing that's missing is the moon.

I've got no use for it meself.

Moonlight keeps people out of the theater. Nutters and such.

Oh, come off it, Fred.

What, you mean to say

You've never been out in the moonlight alone with a girl?

Listen, Julia, if I ever went out with a girl in the moonlight,

She'd have to be good.

Good?

Certainly. Handspring, somersault, trapeze work...

Something we could use in the act.

Otherwise, it's just a waste of time, see?

Oh, Freddy, can't you ever forget about business?

Well, we got to find somebody to take ma's place someday.

Oh, is ma in the act, too?

She don't fly. She sings a song or two.

You know, in tights.

Between you and me and the bedpost, she's a bit past them.

Well, they do sort of emphasize a bit, don't they?

You should see the finale!

Ma's a princess, see, imprisoned in a high tower.

She's singing "save me! Save me!"

Just as me and the boys happen to be passing by.

What a coincidence.

So we form a human ladder with me at the bottom,

And we pass her down from one to the next, ever so gently,

Like she was a bit of dresden China,

Singing all the time.

And then biff!

I tell you, it knocks them cold!

Oh, it sounds most romantic.

Ah, it's terrific.

Say, listen, Julia,

We're giving a special benefit performance in Paris tonight

Before we go out on tour.

Why don't you come in?

Oh, Fred, I'd love to, but I'm sorry, I can't.

I have an appointment.

But good luck anyhow.

Oh, thanks. We'll be all right, as long as ma gets well.

Oh, she'll be fit as a fiddle.

I gave her a bottle of champagne.

You did what?

Just one bottle.

She gave ma a bottle of fizz! Come on!

What's that?

Crikey! Two bottles! We're ruined!

Now she won't stop for a week!

Ma: Ha ha ha!

* save me... *

That's her!

* save me *

* won't somebody save me? *

* save me from this horrible fate *

* woo! Help me! Help me! *

Fred: Hey, ma!

* oh, won't somebody help me... *

[Horn blows]

* before it's too late? *

Hee hee hee!

Bunny!

Bill, my dear fellow!

I'm glad to see you. What are you doing in Paris?

I've already done it all.

I'm just on my way to catch the train for your neck of the woods.

Oh, wonderful. I'll be there tomorrow.

And meanwhile, mother will make you very welcome.

Well, uh, I'd rather planned to stay at the hotel

Until the day of the wedding.

It's a bit closer to the gambling casino and...

And, uh, the ladies.

Well, why not? There are only two kinds of men:

Those who admit they like women, and liars.

Man: Pardon, monsieur.

Yes?

The clerk has said you are Mr. packett?

I am.

I have a message for you.

What is it?

It is confidential.

Oh... Confidential.

Don't tell me that you've come round to my school of thinking.

Oh, nonsense.

Well, I've got a train to catch.

I'll see you in a few days, old boy.

Happy hunting, bunny.

Well, let's hear it.

You understand, monsieur, to find you was great trouble,

And I had to take a taxi.

Ah, yes, yes, of course.

Be a long walk, wouldn't it?

Merci, monsieur.

Thank you.

Uh, where is the lady who gave this to you?

Oh, monsieur, it is not discreet.

A very simple question.

I cannot tell... Unless...

Oh, yes. There you are.

Oh, monsieur is incorrigible.

The pretty lady gave me this at the stage door

Off the theater de boulevard.

Theater?

Oh, nothing for you, monsieur.

Just the vaudeville, so-so.

Well, where is it?

Oh, I show you, monsieur.

Uh, no. Thank you, very much.

I think I can find it myself. Good night.

[Lively music playing]

[Drumroll]

[Cymbals crash]

[Applause]

Very good, those acrobats.

I hate acrobats.

[Drumroll]

[Cymbals crash]

[Applause]

Julia: Help! Help! Save me, somebody! Save me!

* save me *

* save me *

* won't somebody save me *

* save me from this terrible fate? *

* help me *

* help me *

* won't somebody help me *

* before it's too late? *

[Aside] Down you go now.

[Aside] Not me, chum.

I won't do it. I'm scared.

But you've seen this before.

Not from up here I haven't. It's too high.

* when you're playing with fire *

* you've got to get burned *

Julia, aside: Take your hands off. Get them off.

* when you're playing with fire *

* where I'm concerned *

Don't you dare. I'm not going down there.

Think I'm crazy?

* holding me so closely is a dangerous game *

* one little, two little, 3 little sparks *

Aah!

[Audience laughs]

* and then there's a flame *

* and when there's a flame *

* that's only the start *

* once it's out of control *

* it finds your heart *

* but if you don't mind getting burned *

* we can share the desire *

* but not... *

She could get hurt.

* ...Playing with fire *

* save me, oh, save me *

* the flame's burning higher and higher *

* when you're playing with fire *

* when you're playing with fire *

* you're gonna get burned *

* and you're playing with fire where I'm concerned *

* holding me so closely is a dangerous game *

* you'll find yourself all aflame *

* and lose your heart *

* but if you don't mind getting burned *

* we can share the desire *

Oh, be careful!

* when we're playing, playing with fire *

* save me, oh, save me, won't somebody save me? *

* help me, oh, help me, won't somebody help me? *

* we can share the desire *

* that love will inspire *

* when you're playing with fire *

Look, boys, I'm terribly sorry.

I really gummed up the works, didn't I?

[Men in audience yelling approval]

Man: Hey, come here!

Julia: What do you know? How are you, chums?

How about a song for the British Navy?

Right you are. What'll you have?

Rule, britannia.

Man: British grenadier.

The maestro's got one.

He's got it.

[Orchestra playing]

* not so long ago *

* things looked pretty slow *

* in fact, the world seemed barely up a tree, sir *

* so, young brown said with a sigh, "toodle-oo, cheerio, good-bye" *

* I'll take me dad's advice and go to sea, sir *

* all his pals were sad when he went away *

* but last week, a letter arrived to say *

* "by gad, I'm glad I listened to my old dad" *

* oh, what a difference the Navy's made to me *

* everything you see is different as can be *

* they decked me out in a uniform *

* and it's a uniform that takes the girls by storm *

* they say the admiral is crazy over me *

* and so he ought to be *

* for he can plainly see *

* so though I owe a lot to the Navy *

* it's nothing to what the Navy owes to me *

* everything you see is different as can be *

* they decked me out in a uniform *

* and it's a uniform that takes the girls by storm *

* they say the admiral is crazy over me *

* and so he ought to be *

* for he can plainly see *

* so though I owe a lot to the Navy *

* it's nothing to what the Navy owes to me *

[Applause]

Freddy: Listen to that applause!

Listen to that applause!

Julia, you were wonderful!

You were sensational!

We never went over this big before!

Oh, I've never had so much fun in my life.

Then join us. We'll leave your song in, just like tonight.

Freddy, do you mean it?

Why, sure. How about it, boys?

Man: You said it!

Oh, that would be wonderful! I'd love it.

What time is it?

It's 10 to 11:00.

Oh, my train. Let me down. I'll miss it.

Yes?

I'm looking for the lady playing with the acrobatic troupe...

The ghenoccios.

Have you met madame?

I most certainly have.

Dressing room number 5, on the other side.

Ah. Thank you.

Huh. Well, i...

Bonsoir, monsieur.

I... I'm sorry. I thought that you were...

I know.

Yeah. Ahem.

[Barking]

[Toots whistle, blows horn]

Woman: Monsieur, she loves you.

She only does that with friends.

Au revoir.

[Blows horn, toots whistle]

Oh...

I'd like to see miss...

One moment, monsieur.

Thank you.

Madame, you have a visitor.

An englishman.

Simply magnifique.

How opportune.

I look well tonight, even if I do say so it myself.

Oh, madame, he is so handsome. A gentleman!

We shall see.

[Knock on door]

Impatient boy. You shall stay here.

If I want to be alone with him,

I'll drop me powder puff...

Like this.

I understand.

Now you may show him in.

Entrez, monsieur. Thank you.

How do you do, mister...

Uh, packett. William packett.

Uh, packett.

Yeah.

Sounds familiar. Frightfully familiar.

Really?

Do we know each other?

I don't believe we've ever met.

Naughty boy.

Came in just like that without a proper introduction.

Well, I thought that, uh... See...

Don't apologize.

You see, I thought...

I know what you mean.

It's not that. It's just that i...

Oh! Me powder puff.

Huh? Oh. Allow me.

I'll put it right there.

Is it your first visit to Paris?

Oh, no. I've been here many times.

This city never lets you down.

The air, the lights, the wine.

There's, uh, just one thing.

French women are so incredibly stupid.

Well, thank you for warning me.

You're not leaving?

It was all a mistake. I was really looking for somebody else.

So if you'll excuse me...

Oh!

[Barking]

[Porter yelling in French]

Ah! Oh! We made it!

I wish we hadn't.

Oh, Freddy, it was wonderful.

I'll never forget this night.

And don't worry, I'll send the tights back in the morning.

Ah, but, Julia, you don't have to send them back.

We want you to join the act.

You mean it?

Of course. We all mean it.

Oh, that would be heaven.

To be singing every evening and...

Oh, Freddy, I love you!

Oh!

But, Julia?

Yes, darling?

There's something I want to ask you.

Will you be Mrs. ghenoccio?

Will you marry me? What?

Oh! Oh, dear. Isn't this a bit too sudden?

I mean, aren't you rather impetuous, Freddy?

Well, you said you loved me.

Oh, darling boy.

You've made me the happiest man in the world!

What? I can't hear you!

You've made me the happiest man in the world!

[Train whistle blows]

Madame!

Hobson. Well, how are you?

Oh, it's good to see you.

And you, madame.

Thank you. How is... How is everybody?

She's all you could hope for... And more.

It's been a long time.

Well, it hasn't been so long for me, madame.

Two summers ago, Daisy and I, the gainsborough theater.

You wore a bright green costume.

I think the play was called something about earth.

The show was mud in your eye.

Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

Hobson, we are now on sacred ground.

Oh, yes, of course.

This way, madame.

How's Daisy?

Wonderful. Thank you.

Mrs. William packett.

Who?

Well, my dear Julia.

This is most unexpected.

Oh, the moment the invitation arrived,

I turned to my banker, and I said, "benjy," I said,

"Sell whatever stocks and bonds are necessary.

I'm on me way to the South of France."

But when we got your cable, we immediately arranged...

Oh, I know. I'm afraid I'm days ahead of time,

But I was just dying to see Susan.

Where is she?

Susan is in her room.

What I'm trying to say is that when we got your cable,

We arranged for William to meet you in Paris.

Well, that was very nice,

But I'm afraid I was terribly busy there,

And somehow I missed him.

However, no harm done.

I'm here.

This is most unfortunate.

What is?

There's been a terrible mistake.

That's why we tried to stop you.

Stop me?

You see, you were never invited.

And we naturally felt that you of all people

Wouldn't wish to intrude at this particular time.

I see.

This should never have happened.

I would like to see my daughter.

I'm sorry, but I must insist you don't.

It would be very embarrassing for Susan

And possibly distressing for yourself.

Mrs. packett, the last time we met,

You forced me to give her up.

Forced you? Nonsense!

Why, you could have taken Susan with you.

Could I? Where?

Well, wherever...

You know how I had to live.

Theatrical lodgings and a job in the chorus when I could get it

And pawning my clothes when I couldn't.

Trailing around the provinces with a number two company.

Even you couldn't think I'd do that to my child...

Not when her father could do so much better for her.

You made your own choice.

I had no choice, and you know it.

You left me nothing,

Not even the right to visit Susan now and again.

Would my seeing her once or twice a year have interfered so much?

There was a very important reason for that:

We wished Susan to be brought up as a lady.

She was born one.

Possibly. But would she have remained one

In your somewhat bohemian circle?

Perhaps not.

But at least we could have been together,

And I wish to heaven we had.

I assure you that Susan does not share that wish.

All right, I know nobody wants me here, so I won't stay,

But she's still my daughter, and she's getting married,

And I'm gonna see her.

15 minutes in all these years is not too much to ask.

Yes?

Hello, Susan.

Are you from the dressmaker's?

Ah...

Well, what is it, please?

Susan, I'm your mother.

Oh.

I can't believe it.

Why, you're all grown up...

And beautiful.

Look, won't you... Would you care to sit down?

Thank you.

All grown up and going to be married.

Oh, it's impossible.

The last time I saw you, you were this size.

I bathed you in a basin that was no bigger than a...

It was no... No bigger than that.

Really.

I could hold you in one hand, only I didn't.

I was afraid you'd fall and break.

Oh, thank heaven it didn't leave a scar.

First time you were in your highchair,

You fell out and cut yourself, remember?

No. I'm... I'm afraid I don't.

And I got you a funny little fuzzy white dog with no tail at all.

Of course you wouldn't remember. You were too little.

The first thing I remember was my...

My party dress with the pink sash.

Oh. That would be after I went away.

There isn't anything for us to remember together.

The only Susan I know is a tiny baby.

I...

Oh, the fun I missed.

I never knew about the highchair.

Now you're going to be married.

Is this your young man?

Yes, it is.

Does he love you as much as he should?

How could he help it?

And do you love him?

Oh, what silly questions.

Father went to Paris to... Didn't you meet him?

No. I missed him.

Well, grandmother, wasn't she downstairs?

It's all right. I'm not staying.

I'm just traveling through.

I only have a few minutes.

I'd love to see you in your wedding gown.

Why... Well, the dress isn't here yet.

Oh. Well, don't forget...

Something borrowed, something blue,

Something old, and something new.

I brought you your something old.

It's your baby cap.

When you were very little, your ears stuck out... not very much.

But we made you wear this all the time.

Pin it to your slip. No one will ever know.

Good-bye, dear.

Have a dozen children. Have fun with all of them.

Never let one of them out of your sight, not for a minute.

Mother.

Oh, mother, please stay.

I... i sent you that invitation.

You sent for me?

Oh, yes, mother.

Please stay. Please, mother.

Darling, wild horses wouldn't drag me away.

Oh, Susan, baby, are you sure? Are you sure you want me?

Oh, of course I want you.

I think I've always wanted you.

Oh, darling.

Oh...

Madame!

Daisy! Oh, you look wonderful!

Hobson told me you were here.

I had to see you before you left.

She's not leaving, Daisy.

She's staying for the wedding, aren't you, mother?

Oh, I'm so glad.

I'll prepare a room for you.

A room for me, Daisy. You'll take my room.

Oh, no, darling.

No, mother. I want you to.

I'll tell grandmother.

Oh, Daisy, she's beautiful, she's lovely...

And she's my daughter.

Yes, madame.

Indeed she is.

She likes me, Daisy. I know she does.

She never forgot you.

Every Christmas, when the family was together...

Christmas... Everybody here but me.

I never even sent her a present all those years.

Oh.

I'm going out to get her something for every Christmas I've missed.

Oh, say, that's... that's quite a lot of Christmas presents.

Daisy, they haven't moved that gambling casino, have they?

No, madame.

Good.

[Croupier speaking French]

[Croupier speaking French]

Good luck, mademoiselle.

[Marble hits roulette wheel]

[Croupier speaking French]

Oh, that's too bad.

If I were that roulette wheel,

You'd be a million francs ahead.

Give it another whirl.

Not even a roulette wheel can resist you.

Thanks, but it bores me.

Cash me in, will you? Quickly as you can.

Oui, monsieur.

You brought me luck, you know?

Will you have a drink?

No, thank you.

Martini, please.

I say, are you all by yourself?

Yes.

Well, since we're both alone in a foreign country...

Friendly but foreign...

Will you give me the pleasure of having dinner with me?

I'm sorry. I couldn't.

I read somewhere there's a curse on money like this,

Unless you spend every penny of it the very same day.

Please help me to escape that curse.

Well, I'd certainly like to,

But I'm always afraid of big, strong men with that... Dangerous look.

Ho ho! Stuff and nonsense!

Besides, there's something else.

Yes?

Oh, it's not a nice story.

Well, never mind. Get it off your chest.

Well, I really shouldn't tell you this...

But I came here with lucien.

Lucien?

Lucien the dress designer.

I don't know what I saw in him.

Oh? What happened?

Well, when we were leaving the hotel this morning,

There was another woman in the car...

Very tall blond with dark eyebrows.

I believe I've seen her.

Oh, no. Not that one. This one only turned up yesterday.

Well, no woman of pride would stand for it.

Naturally not.

And then, will you believe it, he simply drove off.

No!

With all my luggage in the back of the car.

You can't trust anyone nowadays.

How right you are.

So now you understand why I can't have dinner with you this evening.

Afraid I don't.

Well, i... i have no evening gown.

I have no wrap.

Well, maybe we can find some spot where we can pick up these trifles.

Well, I looked around.

It would cost 6,950 francs.

6,900 francs?

And 50.

I say...

Uh, and besides, I have no place to stay tonight.

Ah... It so happens I have rather a pull at my hotel.

We'll take care of that.

Shall we go?

Oh, uh, please, don't bother to come with me.

You know, I could, uh, I could do the shopping by myself.

It's a pleasure. I'm like a child about pretty things.

Oh, but... but really, I...

You could go back to that roulette table and wait there.

This is your lucky day.

I believe in following my luck.

Ah ha...

Oh, well...

Ah, this one is lovely.

Yes, it is. Huh. Very nice.

Woman: This one is my favorite.

Don't you think that one would be lovely on madame?

Well, I like this one for her even better.

I'll decide later.

I'd like to think it over.

Mais oui, madame.

Could I see some nightgowns, please?

Oh, most certainly, madame.

[Speaking French]

Sheer ones.

Very sheer.

Just this morning, we received some dreamsy lace.

Uh, look, be a dear and wait for me outside, will you?

It's quite all right. They do this over here, you know?

Oh, yes, I know, but I'd feel terribly embarrassed.

Yes, I understand, my dear.

Oh, now, now, let me see.

6,950 francs.

There you are, my dear.

Thank you. I, uh, I won't keep you waiting long.

Get the best.

The frame must be worthy of the picture.

Oh.

Ha ha!

I'm sorry. I can't make up my mind now.

Tomorrow, maybe.

Oui, madame.

Oh, madame.

Did you put my things aside?

Certainly. Your packages are all wrapped up.

I was sure you would find your purse.

Oh, I did. In the most unexpected place.

There's your 6,950 francs.

Merci bien. I will get your receipt.

Here's your receipt. The boy is bringing your packages.

Thank you. Is there a back door?

Certainly. Through here.

* oh, what a difference the Navy's made to me *

* Dee Dee Dee Dee Dee *

* da Dee Dee Dee Dee Dee *

* Dee Dee Dee Dee... *

William, that woman is here!

Not really? Well, I can't say I'm surprised.

And the appalling thing is that Susan has seen her

And insists upon her staying.

Oh, you mean Susan likes her, huh?

Well, she's undoubtedly attractive, and her figure is good.

It is. It is?

The vital thing is you must get her out of here at once.

Oh, I'll think of something by tomorrow.

Tomorrow won't do. The wedding rehearsal is tonight.

And the pennystones are coming. The vicar, too.

And you know what an old stick lord pennystone is,

To say nothing of the vicar.

Mother, i... i can't just throw her out bodily.

Oh!

I'm not an acrobat, you know.

Appeal to her. Tell her...

"If you have any of the love a mother should have,

You will think of Susan first."

Yes. That might work.

"If you have any of the love a mother should have..."

"You will think of Susan first."

"You will think of Susan first."

[Car pulls up]

There she is. Be firm. Kind, but firm.

Huh? Oh, yes. Yes, of course.

And remember, William, you're a man, and she's only a woman.

Huh?

Susan: Somebody help me, please.

Open the door, somebody. Open...

Oh...

Willy.

Hello, Julia.

Well, let me put the packages down,

And let's have a look at you.

Put them right here on the table will be all right.

There we are.

Oh, William, you've improved.

Oh, yes. You've lost that gangly look.

Oh, well, I didn't know I ever had it.

No, not anymore. Hmm. Distinguished.

Quite handsome. Very dangerous.

Well, my dear Julia, you're being most, uh...

Well, aren't you going to tell me how I look?

You look lovely, Julia.

You always did look lovely in white.

Well, thank you. That's very sweet of you.

Uh, I'm sorry you couldn't meet me in Paris.

Ah, yes. I'm sure we'd have had a lovely time, too,

But I had to go to the ballet.

Ballet. I thought it was the opera.

So did i.

You know, I was so astonished when I got in there

And found it was the ballet.

Really? Ha ha ha!

Look! Christmas presents! Isn't this wonderful?

I don't want to distress you...

Don't you love Christmas,

Even if you have to celebrate it in the middle of August?

My dear Julia...

Panties. Black panties.

Every young girl feels so grown up and sophisticated

Wearing black panties.

Uh, there's something I must bring to your attention.

Oh, please don't let's fuss.

I'm merely going to say, if you, uh...

If you have any of the love a mother should have,

You'll think of Susan first.

You know, you say your lines exactly as if you'd learned them.

Shouldn't do that.

Nobody needs to tell me what to do.

Handkerchiefs.

How can you tell? Handkerchiefs don't rattle.

In a small, flat, square box? Got to be handkerchiefs.

What's this 6,900 francs?

And 50. Nightgown. Very conservative.

High neck, sleeves down to there.

Be reasonable, Julia.

I know that you won't do anything embarrassing or unconventional, but...

Oh, William, don't be subtle.

Tell Julia.

After all these years,

How am I going to explain to my friends

The sudden appearance of a wife?

Don't tell them I'm your wife.

What?

Tell them you picked me up in Paris in a bar... a good bar.

I was wearing sable, and I was with a maharajah.

Oh, be reasonable.

Oh, very well. Then, it was a cheap bar, and I was wearing squirrel,

And I was with a second lieutenant.

Julia, you're talking like a fool, and you're not a fool.

How can I possibly explain you away after all these years?

Tell the truth, William, tell the absolute truth.

What truth?

Tell your friends that I'm your wife and that one day...

We'd been married one year and two months; I was very happy, William...

You came to me and said, "Julia, I don't love you anymore.

I think it's better if we separate."

After all, William, that's the truth.

Nobody has to be ashamed of the truth.

That's very cruel.

I thought so when you said it,

But you wanted to get rid of me, so I went.

But this time, I'm staying until after the wedding.

So let's be a devoted couple

And take these packages up to our daughter...

With a smile, William!

A happy, happy smile!

Ha ha ha!

[Piano playing bridal march from lohengrin]

Will one of the ushers come stand for the groom, please?

Lady pennystone,

I'm so disappointed your son isn't here

For his own wedding rehearsal.

He had to attend a bachelor dinner tonight.

His regiment, you know. Quite an honor.

Oh.

Now the bridesmaids...

Now, I want you all to step this way.

This way, please. One step.

I beg your pardon, vicar.

They should move that way.

Their dresses will clash dreadfully with the tapestry.

You see, they will be wearing cyclamen pink.

Oh, my goodness!

Mother: What is the matter?

Cyclamen pink is bad luck.

Oh, nonsense. Huh.

Oh, William, please, don't let's take chances,

Not with Susan's wedding.

The dresses are made.

Well, couldn't they be dyed blue?

Impossible.

Now, please let's not be hasty.

I don't believe in superstition either, knock wood. Nevertheless...

Oh, I wish I'd been as smart as you, lord pennystone,

But I was a fool. I defied it.

And just what happened to you, Mrs. packett?

Yes, what happened?

Well, it was in London, I was in a show in a very good part,

And in the finale, we had a parade of nations,

And I was South Africa, in a beautiful blue dress.

I thought we were discussing cyclamen pink.

That's just it.

The manager of the show, he had a fight with his wife.

Now, she was from South Africa,

So to get even with her, he threw out South Africa

And made me Bulgaria in a cyclamen pink dress.

Bulgaria?

In cyclamen pink.

Ah, Julia, please, we...

No, William, listen. Then it started.

The very first day, I cut my finger, I lost my purse,

I sprained an ankle, and I had a row with my best friend.

Coincidences, that's all.

Oh, that was only the beginning, William.

And the next day, I caught a cold,

I burned a hole in my new fur coat,

And I got a letter saying that my second-best friend had died in Portugal.

More coincidences.

I suppose the sea lion was a coincidence?

Sea lion?

Yes, we had a sea lion in the show.

Oh, a perfect gentleman.

As well-mannered an animal as you could hope to meet in a month of Sundays.

Always treated me like a lady... In a blue dress.

Uh, Julia, please, what's all this got to do with Susan's wedding?

Oh, come, come, William, she made a very important point there.

Thank you.

And a very interesting story,

If I may say so.

Well, anyhow, I changed into the cyclamen pink dress,

And there I was, standing in the wings, waiting to make my entrance,

When pow! He was in my arms!

Who? The manager?

No. The sea lion.

Merciful heaven!

You know how it is with sea lions.

Completely unpredictable.

Well, there was this one right in my lap,

And we were looking at each other straight in the face.

By jove, a situation like that calls for quick thinking.

What did you do?

Well, I jolly well hauled off and slapped that old sea lion

Right in the snoot.

Well, my dear, I must say, bully for you.

What did the sea lion do, mother?

Well, he chased me clear across the stage,

Slithering along and barking with rage!

Orr! Orr!

He knocked me into the orchestra pit.

The Bulgarian ambassador lodged a protest.

The whole show was busted up.

I was fired. That's cyclamen pink for you.

Let us get on with the rehearsal, vicar, if you please.

Oh, yes, yes, yes.

William, please do something about it, for my sake.

We'll discuss it later.

Vicar: Well, that's all, really.

You will all remain in your places

Until I pronounce them man and wife.

Now the groom kisses the lovely bride,

Followed by her father and the best man.

William: Well, then, come, everybody,

And let's rehearse the toast to the bride and groom.

Vicar: Hear, hear!

Vicar: That's a splendid idea.

Well...

Please...

The organist always kisses the bride.

It's an old welsh custom, you know,

Handed down from father to son. Excuse me.

Well...

Fresh.

I was thinking of something.

Look, come with me.

Listen to this.

[Plays mendelssohn's wedding march]

Don't you think that's prettier than the other one?

Oh, I do. But grandmother prefers lohengrin.

Oh, she does?

My dear.

Oh, William,

Please have them change the color of those dresses.

I-I'll handle that.

The pennystones and the vicar

Think you're the most charming woman they have ever met.

Oh.

And I quite agree with them.

Well, thank you, William.

What march did you and father play at your wedding?

Ah, neither. Your mother and I were married during the war

In a small French town, and, well...

Yes. The only music we had came from the canteen next door.

That's right. The...

Remember? They were playing my wonderful one.

[Plays piano]

* di di di di *

* whenever I'm dreaming, love's love light a-gleaming *

We used to call it our song.

* I see *

* my wonderful one *

We didn't have much of a honeymoon.

* how my arms ache to hold you *

Your father had to be back with his regiment within 48 hours.

Well, that's more than the other fellows had.

* more dear *

* it's you, only you *

* in the shadowy twilight *

* da di di di di di *

* my dear, I live for you *

* I'll always adore you *

* my wonderful, wonderful one *

[Knock on door]

I brought you something.

Would you like it over there beside you or on the dressing table?

Why, I think there's more room over there.

Roderick's rather an attractive man.

A little on the serious side, but he's attractive.

Isn't he?

You know, I've never seen father so happy before,

And I thought now that you're back and that you and he...

Don't start getting any funny ideas.

Your father's a very fine man,

But what you may not happen to know is that he's not in love with me.

He told me so a long, long time ago.

Oh, but sometimes after people get a chance to think things over

They, well, they...

Darling, he told me he didn't love me.

Now, when a thing like that is settled,

Well, it's settled for all time.

Look, mother.

One of your nighties.

Oh, all the presents were just wonderful.

I'm so glad.

You know, those people here tonight, they were nice.

And that ritchie, I like him.

Oh, I hate him. You saw what he did.

One kiss? Oh, pretend it never happened.

Well, it's not only tonight. That's the least.

Well, what's the most?

Well... Well, you'd think if a girl were engaged and a man knew it,

Well, you'd think he'd have a little respect for her.

Well, I am surprised. He seemed so nice.

I thought so, too.

The first few days he was here,

We had a lot of fun together.

What did you do?

Oh, we took walks and went fishing.

He let me beat him at tennis.

Then... then suddenly he changed.

Suddenly?

We were sitting in the garden one night, just talking.

I had on my gray dress, and... and...

He kissed you?

About a dozen times!

Whew!

And he held me so tight and kept saying he loved me,

And all the time he went right on kissing me!

Did you kiss him back?

Well... Well, at first, I did, but...

Well, after a while, I wanted to stop, but he wouldn't.

And he just kept on kissing me

And telling me how much he loved me

And that he couldn't live without me.

Oh, you... You have no idea.

Well, yes, I think I have.

Yes, I think I understand how you felt.

It's been the same ever since.

The minute we're alone, he just wants to kiss me,

And he keeps saying the most embarrassing things.

What embarrassing things?

Oh... A lot of silly things, that's all.

Why, nobody's eyes are like wet violets.

Are they?

Why, I think yours are.

It's embarrassing.

If he only knew how much I hated him, he'd stop.

Why... why, my goodness, I'm practically married.

Well, don't you worry about it.

Roderick will soon be here,

And you'll never have to see ritchie again as long as you live.

Oh! You don't know ritchie.

Well, I'm getting a pretty good picture of him.

But, Daisy,

Doesn't Mr. packett still like his ham sliced very thick?

Yes, madame.

With lots of mustard?

That's right, madame.

No, no, Daisy. Two separate hampers.

Mr. packett's just come down, madame.

Oh, thank you. Good.

Hey, where are you off to?

Well, I thought I'd go into town.

I was just going to...

No, you don't. You stay here.

You're going on a picnic.

Good morning, everybody.

Morning.

Blue!

B-I-u-e. Blue.

My son insists the cyclamen pink is bad luck.

You know, William, I always say

It takes a figure like yours to wear sports clothes.

Mmm.

Oh, how utterly disgusting!

Huh?

It's addressed to you, Julia.

William: Well, what is it?

Uh, it's an advertisement.

What are they selling? Muscles?

Vitamins. Italian vitamins.

Huh. Funny, I never get advertisements like that.

Oh, they're just for women.

Huh. There's a little writing on it.

Large bottles, 4 francs.

Small bottles, 2 francs.

They didn't have vitamins like that when I was a girl.

You're right, mother.

First vitamin I ever saw with a mustache.

You're getting the large bottle, naturally?

You know, William, I was just thinking.

It's a perfect day for a picnic.

You took the words right out of my mouth,

And I know just the spot, way up in the mountains.

Boating, fishing.

Oh, I just hope it won't get too cold.

Oh, we'll build a little fire.

Mmm. I've no low-heeled shoes.

Look, the car will take us right up to the spot,

And the last 50 feet I'll carry you.

Mmm. You're making it sound very attractive.

We'll take a lunch,

And I've got some wonderful old champagne

And a very special surprise for you.

Oh, well, you know me. I just can't resist a surprise.

I'll get the car.

Oh, don't rush. It takes Susan about 10 minutes to get dressed.

Susan?

Mm-hmm. I'll help her dress. Won't take long.

Well, I don't think she'd like to go.

Oh, William, I've only got 3 days here.

I can't leave her behind. I just can't.

Yeah, but I think she'd be bored

Sitting out there in the cold...

Well, you can build your little fire.

Yeah. Well, I don't think...

Yeah, well, all right. If...

Well, of course, it would be simply wonderful just the two of us alone.

Why, if only there were someone for Susan.

Yeah.

I've got it!

I know... your mother!

Oh, good heavens, no!

The, uh, uh, the painter fellow,

You know... ritchie.

Oh, wonderful! Never would have occurred to me.

Daisy!

Oh, he's such a nice boy, too.

I had a long talk with him this morning.

Uh, Daisy!

Yes, sir?

A picnic lunch for 4, please.

Yes, sir.

Thank you. Oh, Daisy...

Two separate hampers, huh?

Yes, sir.

Did it have to be this place?

Well, I promised you a surprise.

This is one I didn't expect.

Have you been here before, mother?

Oh, yes. I've been here.

I once carried your mother

Across the threshold of that house.

Oh, you and dad... you spent your honeymoon here!

Oh, how romantic.

Yes. Very.

I could honeymoon up here as long as the food held out...

With the right girl.

Good morning, Mr. William.

Hello, Jamie.

You picked a fine day for fishing.

Well, well...

If it isn't Mrs. William.

It does my old eyes good to see you.

Thank you, Jamie. You're looking well.

It's time you were coming back to us.

[Screaming]

[Bellowing]

It's only macintosh. You ought to be used to him by now.

Jamie raised him from a cub. He's as harmless as a baby.

Oh, he is? Well, the last time I was here,

He chased me right into the lake.

Maybe you had some crackers on you.

Come on, macintosh. I'll show you.

Come on, macintosh.

Come on, lad. Come on, lad.

Here, here, here.

[Chuckling]

Show macintosh a cracker,

And he'll follow you through a forest fire.

I'll get the boat ready, sir.

Thank you, Jamie. Uh...

Oh, oh... Wait a minute.

Say, somehow it never occurred to me...

That boat's a little small for 4 people.

Maybe we better split up.

Anything you say.

You and Susan take the boat.

No. I have a much better idea.

I remember some lovely walks

Up in the woods along by the stream.

I'm sure Susan would like that much better than fishing.

I'll leave your lunch over here.

Fine.

Mother, do you think it's all right?

Of course, darling. Don't take everything so seriously.

But you know what I told you last night.

Yes, I do. I had a long talk with him this morning,

And I'm certain he'll behave himself.

Come on. Let's get going.

We'll probably have lunch on the trail.

Well, it depends on you.

Julia: Ritchie, I'm relying on you to take good care of Susan.

Believe me, Mrs. packett, I'll do my very best.

Now what?

Like to take a look inside?

Uh-uh.

Bet I could still carry you over the threshold.

We came up here to go fishing.

We can go fishing later.

We'll go fishing now.

I'll fix the rods.

All right.

Oh, uh, wait a minute, Jamie.

I've got another boat around here.

No, you haven't got another boat.

Yes. I have a little dinghy.

Oh, that.

Yes. Where is it?

It's lying over in the brush there somewhere.

I want to have a look at it.

Why don't you use the new boat?

I've got an idea.

The money burned a hole in your pocket

Till you bought yourself a new boat.

Now you do not want to use it.

William: Ah! Here she is, Jamie.

Jamie: Here you are, master William.

I told you... just a collection of wormholes.

I wouldn't even let my mother-in-law out in her.

That's as seaworthy a craft as I ever laid eyes on.

Can we get it in the water?

You can get anything in the water.

Let's go.

[Splash]

William: * o sole mio *

* a lovely day *

* good morning, Julia *

* you going my way? *

Coming.

* let's go, the fish are waiting *

* look out for the high heels *

* ti-Dee-um ba doo *

What are you saving the other boat for?

This one's better. Look.

Ah... Ha ha ha!

Oh, that's nice.

Well, you are full of surprises, William.

Will it please you to come aboard?

It's a bit damp, isn't it?

Soon as that water swells the planks,

It'll be tight as a drum.

Is that the way it works?

That's why they use this particular kind of wood.

Just in case, will I follow you in the good boat?

Go away, Jamie.

Go away and cook yourself some kippers.

Well, I warned you.

Your own father could do no more.

Jamie doesn't trust it, either.

Everything he knows about boats I taught him.

I've got another surprise for you.

Oh, what?

You know, this isn't a coincidence...

Susan and ritchie off together.

It isn't?

It was planned. I planned it.

Oh, you did.

I wanted to be alone with you.

There must be drier places to be alone.

Now, now, Julia, there's something romantic about this...

You and me and... The boat.

It's leaking awfully fast, William.

Pay no attention to it. It'll seal up in a minute.

Oh, please, William, turn around and go back.

All right, if you insist.

But I've been sailing all my life,

And believe me, at first, all boats leak a little.

Then the water swells the wood.

That automatically closes the cracks,

And the whole boat is as dry as a bone.

Ooh...

[Squealing]

William... oh!

William, you are full of surprises, aren't you?

Are you all right?

I'm all right. Leave me alone now.

You wait right here, and I'll get the other boat.

Take that oar.

Look at that tree... How bent it is.

There's a reason for that.

Oh, really? Yes.

You see, that's a boy tree, and he's bowing to the girl tree.

And he's saying, "you're so beautiful

With your lovely green hair and your nice brown bark skin."

Do you know what she's saying to him?

No. Tell me, ritchie.

She's saying, "that won't do you any good at all.

"I have a heart of wood, and besides...

I'm madly in love with that golden oak in the next forest."

Let's not pry into their secrets.

How about that tree?

Hmm... Norwegian spruce.

Can't understand a word he's saying.

Oh, ritchie, you're such a fool.

I'd almost forgotten how much fun you were.

Yes, I'm just like wool underwear.

Once you've had them awhile, you get used to them.

You know, I was a little afraid to come on this walk with you.

Susan, I'm a reformed character.

Today you are the ritchie I like...

The way you were when we first met.

I hope you'll always remember me that way.

I will, 'cause that's the way I want to remember you...

Nice and sweet.

Because I think a lot of you.

I'm glad. It's meant an awful lot to me

Knowing you these last few months.

You know, Susan, this is probably

The last time we'll ever be alone together.

Yes, i... I suppose it is.

Susan, i... i want to wish you every happiness.

That's very important to me

Because you're the only woman in the world I'll ever love.

Oh, but I've got no right to tell you that.

Forgive me.

There's nothing to forgive.

You're being very kind...

But as soon as the wedding's over,

I'll pack up my traps and get out.

Where to?

Oh, I don't know...

Some of the wide open spaces beyond the behind.

Probably the Congo.

They call that white man's grave, don't they?

They do? Why?

Oh... Beriberi, Blackwater fever, rinderpest...

Rinderpest? Well, I thought that was a cattle disease.

Yes. Men... Die like cattle.

Oh... Ritchie, you can't go there.

I won't let you.

Oh, I'll be all right. Got a good constitution.

With any luck, I'll... I'll probably last 3 or 4 years.

Well, you're not going, so don't think it.

Why, you're young and talented.

You're brilliant. Your whole life is in front of you.

My whole life without you...

What does it mean?

No, Susan, my mind is made up.

[Bellowing]

Aah! Ritchie!

Oh!

Why, he...

Oh...

Oh, Susan, I love you.

I love you so much.

Julia: If I'd known you were so anxious to get me in here,

I could've saved myself a long, cold swim.

[Sneezes]

Well, you're here, and it's results that count.

I'm in no position to say that your method isn't effective.

Well, it should be. I devoted many years to perfecting it.

I suppose the method always worked.

Uh... Had one failure.

She drowned, stubborn wench.

Ooh! Either there's a window open in the cabin

Or there's moth holes in this tablecloth.

Well. Mmm-mmm.

Say... You know, I'm wet myself.

Belt, please. Thank you.

Ooh... I don't know about you,

But my feet are frozen.

That's funny. They never used to get cold.

I remember on cold nights in the old days,

I used to find them the source of greatest comfort.

Well, they're no comfort to me right now.

Haven't you got any slippers up here?

No. Oh, yes.

Look... This drawer here, under the bed.

There's a pair there, just your size.

Do they all take my size?

Funny enough, they're yours.

A likely story.

Oh...

Why, so they are.

Oh, how nice.

You know, these are the very first things I bought

After we were married.

Told you they were yours.

I certainly didn't need them.

I just wanted to see what it felt like

To go into a shop and buy something...

And have my husband pay for it.

I flatter myself I carried it off rather well.

They never suspected we were newlyweds.

Yes, I know. In fact, it bothered me at the time.

There you were, buying women's shoes

As if you'd been doing it all your life.

I hadn't, though. Not shoes.

Are you confessing or bragging?

Neither. I'm a man of the world

Who, under all circumstances,

Remains cool, nonchalant, and debonair.

[Laughing]

You look like the man who stabbed Caesar.

I feel like him, too.

I wonder what those old boys used for pockets?

Where do you suppose they kept their cigarettes?

Would you care for one?

No, thanks. Oh... You never mended that.

Well, you broke it.

Oh, no. You were too lazy to get out of bed,

So you had to use the lid as an ashtray.

It wasn't laziness. If you remember,

That was the first night of the big snowstorm.

A man would have to be mad to get out of bed on a night like that.

That was a storm.

First time I ever remember

That road being completely blocked.

We might have been the only two people in the world.

We were.

Every honeymoon should have a snowstorm, don't you think? Hmm?

Oh, look, William, look.

What? Oh.

Oh, you look so funny!

Me? Well, I'll thank you to take a look at yourself.

That hat. That hat.

[Laughing]

I wish the village mayor had spoken English.

I nearly said "I do" at the wrong moment.

He was awfully nice, though.

Well, so he should have been.

You gave him 250 francs and a bottle of scotch.

But he gave us a much better present.

Talked my colonel into giving me 48 hours' leave.

I was so afraid we wouldn't have any honeymoon at all.

You were going to be so brave, weren't you?

All right... So I cried.

[Plays waltz on phonograph]

Now, William, look here.

[Knocking on door]

Looks like a nice game. Anyone want to play?

This is the gentleman

Who wished to see you, Mrs. packett.

Oh, yes?

No, ma'am. I'm very sorry.

I wanted to see Julia packett.

She's off on a picnic with her husband.

Her husband?!

But th-this is most surprising.

I remember you. You're the vitamin man.

I'm Fred ghenoccio of the 6 flying ghenoccios.

Flying ghenoccios? What are those?

They're only the most famous acrobats in the world.

Oh. You're one of Julia's theatrical friends.

You could call it that.

If you'd care to sit down and wait.

No thank you, ma'am. I won't wait. Not me. Not now.

Why? What's the matter?

Well, you see, I thought Julia was single,

And I come down here and find

She's popping around with her own husband.

Oh! You mean you're interested in Julia?

I asked her to marry me,

And she gave me every reason to believe...

Well... Well, I suppose I'm not the first man to be made a fool of.

Good day, madam.

One moment, Mr. ghenoccio.

Does Julia know of your intentions?

My honorable intentions? She certainly does.

Well, let me explain.

Julia and my son are husband and wife in name only.

Julia's only here for her daughter's wedding.

Oh. Oh, you mean sort of window dressing?

Precisely.

Oh, well, that's different.

Will you tell Julia I'll phone her?

We're stopping at the hotel here.

Why don't you stay and have dinner with us?

No, thank you. I have my mother with me.

Well, bring her along, too.

And we would be delighted if you'd be our guests for the weekend.

Julia would love it.

That's frightfully nice of you,

But I hate to cause you any inconvenience.

Nonsense. Any fiance of Julia's is a friend of mine.

Come, Mr. ghenoccio. Come.

[Piano playing]

Susan...

A minute ago, you were fizzing all over the place.

Now you look as if you'd lost your best friend. Is anything wrong?

Oh, no. I'll be all right.

Nonsense. You're as nervous as a kitten.

Is it the wedding?

Perhaps. I hadn't thought about it.

Oh, well, big weddings are mostly gas and gaiters, anyway.

Everybody has a good time except the bride and groom.

Oh, I'll be all right... If I live long enough.

If I loved a man, I know what I'd do. I'd elope.

Elope?

Why not? Take the man you love, run away with him,

And get married just as fast as you can.

I wish it were as easy as that.

But it is. Only two things you need for a really happy marriage

Are you and the man you love.

Remember, it's the whole of the rest of your life.

But father...

Your father wants the same thing that I want... your happiness.

Even your grandmother. Remember,

You're the only one who really knows what's in your heart.

Hope I'm not intruding.

Oh, no. No, I was just leaving.

Oh, mother... I love you.

And, daddy, whatever happens,

I love you, too.

What on earth has happened to her?

William, your daughter's in love, and she's about to be married.

It's about time she began to enjoy it.

After all, love makes the world go round.

If you'll excuse me, I have some things to do.

Couldn't you do them later? I want to talk to you.

No, I really ought to fix my hair.

But what I've got to say is rather important.

Wouldn't it do just as well some other time?

I'm going to tell you a million times,

Beginning this very minute.

Come now, sit down here.

Well, all right.

Uh...

Julia, I love you.

I want to spend the rest of my life making you happy.

William, you're incredible.

Those are exactly the same words that you used

When you proposed to me.

Suppose they are?

I love you, whatever words I use. I always loved you.

You've kept remarkably quiet about it,

Haven't you, all these years...

Not a hint of it leaked out when you went to Paris

Especially to stop me from coming here.

But, you see, i...

And yesterday you managed to keep it very well hidden all day

When you were trying to throw me out.

But today, all of a sudden,

You discover this great love.

Forget that, Julia, please.

I know what I want now.

Oh. Well, when do we start the honeymoon?

Honeymoon?

Perhaps we better not even wait till after dinner.

You might change your mind again by then.

Ridiculous. I'm wiser now.

The first time, it took you 14 months to leave me.

Now maybe if you're wiser, you can get rid of me in 7.

Can't you concede the possibility that a man can change?

Take your hand down from your ear.

That's exactly the position you were in when you said,

"Julia, I don't love you anymore.

Can't you concede the possibility that a man can change?"

Stop raking up old wounds.

All that's past and forgotten.

The only thing real is this afternoon.

What about this afternoon?

The romantic way you threw me in the water?

The gallant way you let me wear a tablecloth?

Julia, that kiss... It must have meant something to you.

Sure, it meant something. It meant a warm fire and dry clothes.

I'd have kissed macintosh for less.

I don't believe it.

Julia, dear, surprise!

Some friends of yours.

Fred: Hi, Julia!

Freddy! Fred!

Well... Freddy, darling!

Oh! And Mrs. ghenoccio.

May I present Mr. William packett.

How do you do?

Haven't you been in show business?

Uh, no, no, I'm afraid not.

I could swear I'd seen your face before.

Really.

My, what a lovely place...

Hmm. Champagne.

Julia: William, I want you to meet Mr. Fred ghenoccio,

My fiance.

Your what?

And now, shall we go in to dinner?

[Laughs]

Then grandfather, father, and now us.

I don't like to boast, but our act opens

Exactly as it did before king George ii on may 19, 1729.

How exciting!

Seems to me your family's getting in a rut.

They didn't think so at the command performance last year.

We've got a command performance of our own. Come on.

Fred: Not one king or queen has ever missed our act.

Excuse me. I still have to change lady godiva.

I thought you'd already done that.

Yes, but I haven't seen it in the artificial light,

And things always look different.

What I mean is,

I did my best to get rid of Susan, but it may not come off.

Ah, yes.

I think I'd better go with you.

Yes. Run along.

That's right. No use leaving things to chance.

You know, the part of the act that I like best

Is where Fred stands in the center of the stage

And holds up his 5 brothers on his shoulders.

That trick took 7 years to perfect.

I must say, that's one way to spend 7 years.

There's a great satisfaction in knowing you can do one thing

Better than anyone in the world.

Come now, Julia, muscles were born before Freddy.

After all, I'm not coming apart at the seams myself.

Now, William, I'm your mother,

But you're not going to compare yourself with Mr. ghenoccio.

Well, it'd hardly be fair. He's an amateur.

And to an amateur, muscles are no bloomin' good.

You've got to know what to do with them.

Now, an amateur, if he was to pick something up...

Say, a table, for the sake of argument.

Careful now, ma.

Don't worry. We don't open till Tuesday...

I say an am...

An amateur would pick it up something like this here.

Now, what muscles am I using now? Can you tell me that?

What muscles am I using now? The arms.

Naturally.

That's the amateur way, chum.

What you really should use is the legs.

Now, I can pick it up like this. Watch closely.

That part William can do.

You bend down, you grasp the object firmly,

And then you straighten up like this. See?

Now... Notice the knees.

Notice the knees.

Notice the knees.

Now... What muscles was I using then? I'll tell you.

The legs.

The legs! You follow that?

Think of all the time I've wasted reading.

Light fiction, of course.

Oh, ma, remember those Sunday afternoons when pa was alive?

All pa thought of was how to improve the act.

We never wasted a minute.

Every Sunday afternoon for half an hour,

I had to do this with pa in the chair.

Hey, put me...

Well, once around the park, but watch the crossing.

Only with pa, it was harder.

He always balanced a full glass of water in his hand.

Good old pa. If I spilled a drop, he'd beat my brains out.

Good old pa.

Now, what muscles am I using now?

The legs, the legs, the legs, the legs!

Careful, you'll hurt yourself.

That's only part of it, chum.

I used the legs and the arms and the abdominals.

Hey, a little soft there, chum.

Better watch that, William.

I still say they use wires.

[Knocking softly]

[Knocking continues]

Julia: Who is it?

It's i. Open the door.

What do you want?

I want to talk to you. Let me in.

Half a mo, chum, half a mo!

I've been waiting for something like this.

What do you mean?

I know you society swells...

Wandering around the passages at night,

Sneaking into strange bedrooms.

Don't be a fool. Julia's my wife.

She may be your wife, but she's my fiancee!

If Julia and I decide to talk, it's no concern of yours.

It's the middle of the night.

This is no way to behave.

If you've got so much manners, why didn't you bring up your son right?

Don't talk to my mother like that!

My son can say anything he pleases.

Go ahead, Freddy. Shout.

Please, everybody. Freddy, it was perfectly innocent.

I'll decide that. I won't have any man

Wandering into the bedroom of any fiancee of mine,

If I make myself clear.

Take your hands off me before i...

You forget, sir, this is my house.

Oh, I can take a hint.

Julia, get dressed. Ma, pull yourself together.

We're leaving this house now!

I'm not leaving. I came here for the wedding.

I'm not going till it's over.

All right, all right, I'll leave.

It you don't believe me,

You can sit right here in this hall all night and watch.

I hope you get pneumonia, if I make myself clear.

Now I know who you are.

You're the man who forced his way into my dressing room.

[Music playing softly]

Oh, William! Good to see you.

How are you, bunny?

Bit of bad luck at the tables, old boy?

No, no... Just sitting here, thinking.

Well, speak out, bill. What else is an old friend for?

I'm having trouble. Woman trouble.

Is there any other kind? I know exactly how you feel.

Been through it a thousand times.

But you go around looking for trouble.

Not anymore. I'll never trust another woman

As long as I live, I don't think.

You've got a genius for picking the wrong playmates.

This one was a lady, incredibly attractive

With the most ravishing red hair.

They always have red hair.

She'd had bad luck at roulette.

It isn't very often one gets a chance at helping the attractive ones.

Not at my age.

So naturally, being cautious and conservative,

You staked her so she could get her money back.

Do you take me for a fool?

I gave her the money in a lingerie shop.

For what purpose, as if I didn't know?

Well, she didn't. She took my 6,900 francs, went out the back entrance,

And left me standing in front, holding the baby.

No! How long did you wait?

How much did you say?

6,900 francs.

And 50?

And fif... How did you know?

Oh, bunny... You and I are about to become total strangers.

Come over here and sit down.

Fred: When a man's never been on the stage,

There's no way of telling what he's liable to do next.

And the thing that surprised me most was when he...

Good morning.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Julia, Mr. ghenoccio,

I'm afraid I behaved very badly last night,

And I want to apologize.

After all, who am I to stand between Julia and her heart's desire?

Well, now, that's very sensible of you, chum.

No hard feeling?

No, no. Now it's all over, none at all.

Splendid. Beautiful morning, isn't it?

Never saw the sun shining so bright.

Ah... Scrambled eggs.

You're certainly in a gay mood.

Why not?

I lost you, that's true,

But there's no disgrace in losing,

Especially to a better man.

Kippers!

Glorious golden kippers.

That's the spirit. No use crying over spilt milk.

No. And it's a poor heart that never rejoices.

Well, I must say you're taking it very well.

After all, he travels fastest who travels alone.

To say nothing of a stitch in time saves nine.

What's that got to do with it?

Nothing. It just occurred to me.

You know, I've often wondered... Nine what?

Hmm?

Hello? Some marmalade left.

That means Susan hasn't been down to breakfast yet.

She probably overslept. Don't worry about her.

I don't. Worry never solved a problem yet.

Never trouble trouble till trouble troubles you.

Quite true.

What is it?

Excuse me, but there's a gentleman to see you.

I'm not expecting anyone. Did you invite somebody to breakfast?

No.

Hobson, when you say "a gentleman,"

Do you mean a gentleman, or just a man in spats?

A gentleman, sir, unmistakably.

Trot him in, then, will you, please?

Excuse me.

Hobson: This way, if you please, sir.

You wished to see me?

I hate to barge in on you like this, sir,

But I was told... So there you are.

Just a minute, young lady. Just a minute.

So my information was correct.

Sir, you forget yourself.

My name is William packett,

And I don't believe I have the honor of your acquaintance.

Colonel Bruce willowbrook, sir,

Late of his majesty's punjab rifles.

And my business concerns this lady.

There's no necessity to bother these gentlemen with our business,

So can we have a discussion outside?

Oh, no, no. I've searched the whole of France for you,

And I'm not going to let you desert me again.

Desert you again?

What's he to you, Julia?

Another husband?

No, no, Freddy, don't get excited.

Julia can explain everything.

Come over here and sit down and tell him, dear.

Well, of course.

You know, sometimes the most complicated things

Have the simplest explanations.

And then, after the explanation,

Why, the complicated thing becomes a very simple thing.

Yeah. Sure. I told you she could explain it.

A little clearer explanation would be most welcome to me, Mr. patton.

Packett.

Pardon me, Mr. packett.

Perhaps you'll start by explaining what's your real purpose

When you began talking to me the other afternoon.

Me... a complete stranger.

You mean you didn't know him and you talked to him?

He talked to me just as much as I did to him.

William: Don't be stuffy, Fred.

She talks to strange men all over the world.

Fred: Well, I don't like it, and I never will.

Oh, Fred, in a casino, everybody talks to everybody else.

Casino? You were gambling!

Just a few francs. You couldn't exactly call it gambling.

And after she'd lost every franc of her own...

Lost every franc!

She loves roulette, Fred.

If she ever gets blue, give her a few thousand francs

And send her off to the nearest casino.

It's better than a new hat.

Yes, well, I'm not concerned

With your financial arrangements, but with mine.

Leave me your address, and I'll send you the money you gave me.

You took money from a strange man?

Not... Not exactly.

You either took money or you didn't.

Freddy, think nothing of it.

To Julia, money's of no importance.

As fast as she gets it, she tosses it away. That's her charm.

Well, it don't charm me!

I'm sure, sir, she would've repaid you immediately,

But she probably lost it just as fast as you gave it to her.

But I didn't give her the money in the casino.

I gave it to her in the lingerie shop.

The lingerie shop?!

What were you doing in a lingerie shop?

Freddy, I'll explain all this to you later.

If you will just give her time enough, Julia can explain anything.

Well, it's taken me two days to find her,

And I'll hear that explanation now.

What were you doing in a lingerie shop?

I was buying a negligee.

And a nightgown.

What did you need a nightgown for?

I didn't need a nightgown. I never wear nightgowns. I... i wear pajamas.

Yes, well, the man who brought her here ran away with all her clothes.

Another man?

Freddy, believe me, there was nothing to the whole thing.

A man brought you to this city, and to you that's nothing?

You're getting me so upset, I don't know what I'm saying.

All I want is my 6,950 francs.

6,900 francs!

And 50. There's no reason now

Why I should pay for her nightgown.

6,950 francs? What kind of a nightgown was this?

Very thin.

Oh, I don't believe a word of it.

As well as I know Julia, I still do not believe one word of it.

I've got 100 witnesses who saw her flirt with me in the casino,

Pick me up in the bar, lure me into the lingerie shop,

And then sneak out the back entrance.

You cad.

You make it sound perfectly horrible!

If I'd known you were going to act like this,

I wouldn't have spoken to you in the first place.

There, there, dear. You let me handle this.

Are you sure you didn't say something or suggest something

That might have offended her?

Suggest something! When she told me she'd got nowhere to sleep,

I offered her my hotel suite.

Your hotel suite?!

I wasn't going there, Freddy!

That's why I was going out of the back door.

Suppose there had been no back door!

All shops have a back door.

Listen to me, all of you. I'll tell you the truth

And the whole story from the very beginning.

I needed that money. I was absolutely broke when I came here.

I couldn't even have come out here to the wedding

If I hadn't been given the money

By a very dear gentleman friend of mine in London.

Another man! In London!

All over the world, you've got men!

That's a shocking way to talk to Julia.

Have you no confidence, no faith?

Where there's smoke, there's fire.

If you've a nasty, suspicious nature

And suspect everything she does,

Then all I can say is she's too good for you.

If you can't appreciate a woman as wonderful as Julia,

Then I think the best thing for you to do is...

I think you better get out of here right away.

William, let me handle this.

Fred, if... if you...

Oh, get out of here right away!

Gladly! You'll never see me again.

And I was going to make a ghenoccio out of you. Hmm!

Where's my mother?

In the bar, drinking her breakfast.

I hope you fall off your trapeze.

Without a net.

Bunny: Ahem.

Oh, uh, uh... Colonel westbury...

Willowbrook.

I'm sorry, willowbrook. This lady is my wife.

She's a little high-spirited, as you can see,

And every once in a while, she gets bored with me.

After all, you know, I'm just an old, stodgy businessman.

I see... just a lark on her part.

Exactly. And I assure you, sir,

There was nothing wicked or malicious intended.

Now, if you'll give me your name again...

Colonel willowbrook, William.

Yes, yes. I'll see that you get the check.

Thank you, sir. Forgive the intrusion.

You have a fine husband, madam.

There's nothing so valuable in a marriage

As complete understanding, sympathy, and tolerance.

You're very kind, colonel.

[Chuckling]

Bunny willowbrook!

When did you get here? Your old room is ready and waiting for you.

Bunny: I'm afraid I must be off.

Nonsense. When did you get here?

William, you never told me that bunny was here.

Bunny?!

Now, don't jump to conclusions, Julia.

So William and colonel willowbrook are old friends?

Old and dear friends.

They practically lived together.

6 months from now, we'll all get a great laugh out of this.

Well, you three better laugh pretty loudly

Because whatever city you're in, I'll be in another city!

Whatever country you're in, I'll be in another country!

And if only there were another world to go to, I'd... I'd...

I'm sorry to interrupt, but I was asked

To deliver this to you at precisely this hour.

Miss Susan left it.

Susan left it?

Yes, when she and Mr. ritchie went away.

When she and ritchie went... ritchie went away?!

Read it!

"Dear mother and dad, ritchie and I love each other,

"And we're being married at the lodge at 2:00.

"Won't you attend the wedding and give us your blessing?

Susan and ritchie."

They can't!

They won't! I'm going up to put a stop to this!

William!

William, come back!

You've no right to stop them!

Oh!

Listen to me! William!

William, you'll ruin their lives!

I won't let you, William!

[Thunder]

Julia: William!

I won't let you smash Susan's marriage the way you smashed ours!

I tell you, she loves him!

I'll believe that when Susan tells me.

You mustn't interfere in this!

William, I won't let you!

Well, it doesn't look as though they've been...

"Daddy, darling, by the time you get this,

We'll be married and on our honeymoon in england."

Married! Yes, married.

And there's nothing you can do about it now.

Good-bye.

Look...

Why, it's Jameson.

And Hobson.

What is this, William? Another of your tricks?

No, Susan's. Listen.

"Your car won't be back until the day after tomorrow.

That gives you 48 hours to admit you love each other."

48 hours?! They're crazy.

I wouldn't spend 48 minutes with you.

I'll walk home.

Don't be a fool. You'll have to come back.

Oh!

You haven't a chance!

In a little while, it'll be so dark

You'll fall off a cliff and kill yourself!

I'd rather be dead!

Good-bye, Julia. I'll always remember you

As the bravest woman I've ever known.

And let me tell you...

Oh! Beast!

Oh!

Oh! Oh!

Aah!

[Crash of thunder]

Aah!

Beast!

[Macintosh bellowing]

[Screaming]

[Roof banging]

[Sniffing]

Aah!

[Sobbing]

Unh!

[Coughing]

[Laughing]

[Laughing]