Original subtitles

The lord god said "let there be light"

and there was light

the lord god said "let there be man and woman"

and there was man and woman

and that night man asked woman

"hey, are you free tomorrow night?"

And woman said

"okay, let me check

but I'm not interested in anything long term

I want to see other people

before I settle down with one"

Cut!

And man said

"there are no other people"

And woman said

"okay, how about this: We get married

you vow your eternal love for me

who are totally dependent on us for eighteen years

and spend time with us at home every Saturday

also, you'll never get to

see another woman

naked again”

and man said

and the lord said

"why don't you two explore the world

before telling me...

Whether men and women

can be together after all"

and then thousands...

And thousands

and thousands of years passed

men and women...

Show time!

Romance, new romance

set a date, don't be late

potbelly, slim it up

showing off perfect pecs

"producers: Virginia lok Eric tsang"

trim the beard

primp the hair, dance around

let me be, let me go

wear a condom, we're good to go

"cast: Eric tsang Teresa mo Ivana wong wong Cho lam"

scent from my fragrance

express my machismo

zip your fly

you'll be fine

I have to work harder finding a partner

it'll be a perfect first date

"original screenplay by Joe dipietro & Jimmy Roberts"

Toner, shower gel

antioxidant, anti-aging

reduce wrinkle, flaunting cleavage

burning fat, watch your weight

"art director: Chet chan constume designer: Cecilia chik"

see my face, smooth and fair

extending hair, manicure

make a laugh, sounds so great

speak english like Janice mann

"screenplay adaptation: Joey leung wong Cho lam wang jue"

waking up, do the hair

whitening and get prepared

work out often

stop eating macarons

I have to work harder dressing up

for my Mr. right

I try to be a perfect partner

even if I have to be your slave

fake my virtue

I'm acting flawlessly in this chick flick

looking forward to meeting my love

bachelor, where are you?

I'm still waiting

for him to come into my dream

I have my stress

though I'm not perfect

I don't expect much from a relationship

that's why I end up with nothing

everybody

I have my stress

though I'm not perfect

shame, shame, shame

I cry and cry

I'm used to it, how time flies

time? Huh?

"Music director: Laudon, Jonathan Edward choreographers: Gerald wong Cho yiu pang Lee may"

"director of photography: Kenny tse administrative producer: Cherrie lau"

my heart is pounding

when I think about my love

I'll be happy if we hooked up

I'll be grumpy if we broke up

how can I tell? I barely know you

perhaps you are a jerk

toner, shower gel

antioxidant, anti-aging

reduce wrinkle, flaunting cleavage

burning fat, watch your weight

- I try to be a perfect partner - See my face, smooth and fair

extending hair, manicure

- even if I have to be your slave - Make a laugh, sounds so great

speak english like Janice mann

- fake my virtue - Toner, shower gel

antioxidant, anti-aging

- I'm acting flawlessly in this chick flick - Reduce wrinkle, flaunting cleavage

burning fat, watch your weight

don't worry

if Venus will stay

I only worry

if I have to wait again for love

When will you show up?

Being single sucks

I don't want a bad ending

I'm in my thirties and wrinkles start showing

"director: Wong Cho lam"

"a chapter on courtship"

enjoy your meal

Let's do dinner

and a flick

sure

you certainly move quick

sure

it's my pleasure to watch it with you

how wonderful

what movie should we do?

Well, that's fully up to you

this one, please

let me get this

and that, my friends, was my one big mistake

I'm too sick

oppa, don't wait for me

why did this happen when we're about to get married?

I love kung fu action

mindless, violent action

Danny young and it man are awesome

I watch "love section" sometimes

Tommy leung makes people high

they say his ass is big, I buy

what the hell am I watching?

This movie here is cloying

all the scenes are dragging

I bet she gets all weepy

as I get really sleepy

no chick will ever pick the flick again

oppa, it's not worth it

I'll marry you no matter what

He and she

can't they be together?

They haven't gotten married

but he can't hold back...

His love

he can't let go

the love from his wife

taking care of her

in sickness and in health

that's love

I yearn to see a psycho

a psycho with pain saw

be nice to see him slice up everyone

mince the meat into buns

sacrifice them to the cult

sex and violence are all I'm after

he's dutiful

how wonderful

to hold on to his wife in misfortune

it's nothing new

the wife isn't even that hot

farewell, my love

a kiss before we part forever

We're running out of luck in this life

see you next lifetime

Bak so yeon!

Why do I feel horrible?

Did I just feel...

A tear now?

I bet it's just some sweat caught in my eye

what's happening?

My nose feels rather...

Runny

good god!

My eyes are getting red

this should be a lovely wedding

but it turns out to be a funeral

my manhood is capsizing

- love has not changed - What's happening to me?

I might cry any moment

it'd be such a disaster

- on this day - I've got to get a grip now

think about a zombie movie

special features

must fight the feeling

it's too late

this movie is tear-jerking

I can't hold it anymore

- should've sneaked out long before - Don't run away

- no whimpering like a puppy - Don't cry

I've got to macho up

women like Alpha males

- still being brave - I didn't plan on shedding tears

I can't allow myself to cry...

Oh god!

Are you okay?

Just an allergy

you know what?

I love men who aren't afraid to cry at the movies

why didn't the actress come back?

If she came back

the puppy wouldn't have died

Yes! Yes! Yes!

Are you okay?

I'm fine

I shouldn't have played so well

come on, it's okay

no, I shouldn't have beaten you

come on, it's okay

I shouldn't have caught up with my pride

and pointed at you and said "loser! Loser! Loser!"

You're right, you shouldn't have done that

just now when you pointed at me

and said "loser! Loser! Loser!"

Your voice is angelic, and...

You look so pretty

really?

Yes

then why didn't you make a pass at me?

What?

I mean, this is already our fourth date

why?

Is it me?

Oh no, you're fine

is it you?

No, I'm absolutely fine

my body works just fine

even without Viagra

I'm sorry... so sorry

I said the wrong thing again

whenever I go on dates with guys

it's like I have this moron switch in my head that goes on

that makes me say stupid things

I'm sorry, my bad

no, king

I was just trying to be respectful

respectful?

Yes

I don't want you to think I'm a player

you're the most interesting woman I've met

you're pretty

you play tennis well

your voice is so beautiful

and you're so upfront, also...

Look, I have this moron switch too

I don't even know what I'm saying, so stupid

dickson, can I make you dinner tonight?

Really?

What would you like to eat?

Black truffle squid ink lasagna alle vongole

with cream sauce

What?

Black truffle squid ink lasagna alle vongole

with cream sauce

with an egg, too

great

so I'll make black truffle...

Cream sauce...

Spam meat instant noodle, if you don't have plans

no, I never have plans

which is not to say I'm a loser

it's just that I'm generally free

if you make me

black truffle squid ink lasagna alle vongole

with cream sauce tonight...

I'll go to convenience store to get some...

Condoms?

White wine

white wine! Sure!

White wine is a must

absolutely

what am I saying?

Condoms and black truffle

are two completely different things

"moron switch"...

If you want, I can also get some condoms

okay

then I'll go to the convenience store and get white wine and...

Yeah!

I have to get home and learn how to make...

Black truffle... lasagna

so I'll go to the convenience store now

dickson

Tonight

tonight

yes! Yes! Yes!

Let darkness come

turn up the moonlight

it might sound shallow

but I want to fuel the spark

surprises to follow

I found my love

and I will be loved tonight

hold me tight

pamper me

whisper softly to my ears

and sing me a love song

let's stay in bed

and watch the galaxy above

and I will be loved tonight

I drowned myself in work

I let my days aimlessly pass

I forgot how it's like to be in love

I was content being single

day after day

I lived in my capsule

pretending to be cheerful

Looking into the night sky

I had no one by my side

The sky seems gloomy

but I know someone is waiting for me

please treasure

this precious love

he shows me the light

hold me tight

my darling

my love

come to me tonight

And love me

I just remembered something funny

what's that?

I bought an orange yesterday

and?

It went bad today

I'll go get another drink

I sit here trying to seduce

and make this big boy drool

but every thought that I produce

makes me sound like such a tool

I'm making myself a fool

it's not that I can't be diverting

sometimes I can even thrill

I want to be with her

because I've fallen for her

if I could

transform

into a stud

if I were

a hunk

if I were

a babe

the kind of guy girls love

the kind of girl guys crave

my beauty is stunning

my pec is so firm

my legs are so slim

my biceps are so strong

my hair is shinning

six huge packs

two huge jugs

all people are turning their eyes

I get what I want

say my name when we make love

fill me up tonight

can't miss the time of our lives

I'm a stud

I'm a babe

all she wants

is to get him

if I were

kuen

you have a pimple on your nose

let me buy you a drink

hold on

you don't drink like this

Get down! Get down!

Get the hell down now!

You lazy bums

only good for nothing

kuen

I guess...

I'm not the kind of guy you want

I'm not the kind of girl you want

I'm not a stud

I'm a loser

I'm nothing close to a hunk

I'm not pretty

I'm stupid and boring

I'm not attractive

my clothes are synthetic

I only got one style

I don't like to be flashy

I like girls with no make up

I've a flat chest

we're actually a perfect match

I'll call you everyday

I want to see you night and day

I'll always be around

one more round, what do you say?

Due to the rayleigh-Taylor instability

the rising air

will drag the dust and debris up

that's why after an atomic explosion

a mushroom cloud is formed

Wow! German

I wouldn't know if you hadn't explained to me

mushroom

I didn't know that's how mushroom came from

it's mushroom cloud

yes, mushroom cloud

Veronica

was I boring you?

Not at all

it's just me

when I'm listening real hard

my eyes are closed like that

dessert?

No, thanks

I never liked dessert

stuff like chocolate...

I just hate it

I'm lying

oops, I didn't get to the gym today

I generally go every single day

I'm really lying

Veronica

you're one special lady

I could discuss nuclear fission with you

all night long

I really want to do that

please god, don't let him

let me tell you then

my favorite thing to do is

Chinese chess

no wonder

that was my guess too

do you play?

Of course

it's so exciting

I'm lying

let's find time

to play together

your place

or mine?

Who is this woman talking

did you ever see the movie "emperor of chess?"

I love it

I didn't see this movie

what's your favorite scene?

Help me

this time

help me

if you had to choose a gas to represent yourself

would you pick hydrogen

or nitrogen?

Excuse me

I want to say

just a thing or two

but listening to his voice

I'm ready to drop

he eyes my breast, he talks, and talks

he never stops

there's a serious single man drought

it has to be right when everybody likes

a match among singles

there're just too many idiots

there's a serious single man drought

I can't believe he's still talking

I should seek refuge

he eats, he shits

it's like a torture

there's a serious single man drought

defeated

I used to have some standards

but man by man

I look older everytime

lesbian

I should be a lesbian

it's so much easier to be with a woman

no nonsense from men no more

we seem to be made for each other

and in "emperor of chess"

who was your favorite character?

The old guy who is not too old

kind of chubby but too chubby

Johnny sham!

Yes!

Me too!

I could grow old alone just fine

adopt some cats and cuddle them

they'll find me dead in my feline shrine

there's a serious single man drought

I date

and try

w ait for him

to marry me

flaws, there are just too much

I'm screwed

single man, please come to me

help me please

anyone

help me please

let me get the check

no, let's split it

I'm lying

I'm seriously lying

hope you can find a bachelor

because there's a serious single man drought

I bluff to give myself away

single man, oh, single man

anyone come take me

I'm totally screwed

fine, split the bill then

- screw you! - You old fart!

Veronica!

Betty!

Veronica!

Betty!

Wait a minute!

- Betty... - Veronica...

Betty!

Baby, I want to ride carousel

okay

you have chapped lips, drink some water

it's so cold, my teeth hurts

let me warm you up

wong hoi nay, will you marry me?

Kong ka ching, I will

Love has no logic

but I still fall for it

why am I always single?

Why?

Because I'm a guy

my hairline is receding

my confidence is lacking

the doctors are not helping

us single men

my kitchen is disgusting

my bedroom is messy

my clothes are all stinky

my god

I'm just a guy

I want to be a husband

I want to be brave

I want to be an Alpha male

and not to be alone

as a matter of fact

am a total husband material

I'm loud and grumpy

I gamble to see if I'm lucky

my balls are itchy

being noisy

being lazy

I'm a single guy

an outstanding single guy

"a chapter on marriage"

my future in-laws

chi keung has an announcement

he must be proposing

you have to be here

this pair of golden bracelets is a family heirloom

it finally has its successor

we've been waiting for this, we brought wine as well

when they come, let's...

Mr. and Mrs. Lee, they're here

let's hide

sure, let's talk later

chi keung - auntie

please take a seat

we're so excited today

we'd like to celebrate with you

and your better half, kiki

how long have you been dating?

Two years

two years only?

Kiki, remember, consider carefully before jumping into

anything as serious as

what?

As serious as...

What?

Marriage!

Daddy, mommy

we wanted to wait till after dinner

but...

You wanted to surprise us I know!

Well...

Yeah, yeah

me and kiki

yeah, yeah

we've talked it over

we're breaking up

surprise!

Daddy, mommy, why are you here?

Say it, why are you two breaking up?

We don't want to let you all down

but kiki and I have thought about it long and hard

the decision we make right now

is right

and I just want to focus on

my foot massage kol career now

daddy, mommy, are you okay?

What do you think?

Chi keung, remember, no matter what happened

what kind of decision you've made

I'm still here to support you

honey

this is good news, right?

It's certainly wonderful news

bring it!

Let's make a toast for chi keung and that one

who will never be our daughter-in-law... And her name?

Kiki

cheers

congratulations, single girl

you're courageous to be single

we understand why you dumped him

but we don't pity you

very happy for you indeed

being single

what's wrong with that?

You've got too much work

you dump him for your career

you're self-sufficient, you don't need a man

to hold your hand

you two didn't put your hearts into this

it's not that bad after all

being single is great

no doubt

you're so lucky

you have everything figured out

you've got much more than mother ever had

you're such a strong guy

if you want to break up, we don't mind

get a drink, you'll be fine

we're your parents, we support you

you little shit

what's wrong with you?

Perverted, gay, or herpes?

So bad that you want to be single

leave all things behind

he is a nice guy

you'll be sorry for dumping her

how long would it take to finally find another person?

We don't mean to pry

relax, don't complain

adulthood's not as crucial as it seems

for another thousand days maybe

or ten thousand years it could be

our grandkids will never be born

even when we're gone

focus on your career

what a great idea

keep working forever

our dreams are destroyed

calm down, my in-laws

we're not in-laws no more

best wishes to all

here's to you!

"Prison for the singles"

Welcome, singles over thirty

to our "matchmaking escape room"

I'm your instructor Louis yuen

I guarantee you'll be highly entertained

by this extraordinary "big fun" experience

it's just matchmaking

it doesn't have to be so scary, does it?

I said you'll have "big fun"

of course the scarier the better

don't scare them

you look sharp

In order to live up to the horror of this game

let me introduce

the main character this game

granny lung

hi everyone

I'm granny lung

decades ago

I was referred to as baby lung

at that time

I was just like you two

working in central

as a white collar

whenever I was free

I watched Korean and Japanese dramas with mytv super

mytv super existed back then?

Why not?

Don't interrupt

fine, fine, fine

but for some reasons

no matter how hard I tried

I just couldn't seem to find my significant other

this feeling that I had

you should understand

then came Christmas Eve

a friend of mine

invited me to a Christmas party

I couldn't find a date to go with

so I went alone

as soon as I arrived

I saw everyone came with a partner

couples everywhere

kissing and cuddling

calling each other cute names

"baby", "piggy"

give me a kiss, baby

piggy, give me a smooch

sweetie, try this mini Franks

darling, honey

They even started talking like babies

don't you think it's unbearable?

I was so mad

I grabbed a ak47 out of nowhere

and killed all those jerks once and for all

After they died

their souls lingered

they took revenge on me

that's why I can only be a medium now

people call me granny lung out of respect

in fact I'm just lonely lung

what are you laughing at?

I'm almost eighty

but I don't have a soulmate

is that funny to you?

No, not at all

"for the singles"

and what about you, bitch?

I apologize

can we go now? I want to go

if you don't get married

you can never leave this prison

are you still waiting

for Mr. and Mrs. right to show up?

Yes

let me ask for you

They're dead already

What's your name?

And what kind of partner are you looking for?

Tell me all about it

let me see if I can help

my Chinese name is chung king fai

english name, kfc

they all call me king fai ching

I'm 34

I'm looking for a young Christian girl

who wants to get married and have kids with me

and you?

My Chinese name is kam kung mun

english name, madonald

I'm 24

what?

429

so young

will you marry her?

How about you?

Well... yeah...

Speak up

let's get married!

"Congratulations"

congratulations

congratulations on escaping this prison

Soon to be man and wife

ladies and gentlemen

We have gathered here under god above

to bear withess to this man and this woman

love

as they vow their eternal love

do you swear?

Do you swear to love and honor?

I swear

then your bachelorhood is a goner

as a husband

now you'll have a lot of chores

really?

Do you swear?

Is your love for him wholehearted?

I swear

then your freedom just departed

and remember

now his family is yours

do I swear?

Ian kwai fong is no longer reachable

do I swear?

His belly will grow and chin will be doubled

who do you think you are?

- I should get married with someone better - I should hold out for someone better

do you vow?

I should ask my mother

do you vow?

Is this really what I want my life to be?

You've really got to think

do you really want to get married?

And remember it's forever

and forever

and forever is a really long, long time

- get away from here - And remember it's forever

- listen to your heart - And forever

and forever - do you swear?

- And forever is a really long, long time - Do you vow?

Do you swear?

Do you vow?

Do you really want to get married?

Do you do we do?

Do you swear?

Do you vow?

Think twice before you say it

do you do we do?

Do you?

Oh, god!

I'm going to throw the bouquet

who wants it?

Me, me, me!

Here we go!

One, two

It's coming, it's coming

one, two, three!

Congratulations

it's going to be your turn soon

sure, I'll be getting married real soon

well I've walked down the aisle

more than once in a while

but I've always stood off to the side

each bride has me dressed, not quite looking my best

always a bridesmaid, never a bride

I was kuen's bridesmaid once

"fatty" is the name of her husband

they made out on their wedding day

both of them are overweight

in the middle of their business

her husband went lifeless

and soon he died of fatness

too many weddings

too many dresses

bridesmaids' dresses are hard to carry

they all make my hips look so wide

so you've got to be picky

always a bridesmaid, never a bride

I was fun's bridesmaid later

I trusted my instinct

that's a red flag

she was too ruthless

the groom was a playboy

on the big day

he tried to grope a bridesmaid

what a shame

the bride changed here mind

we gave them money and gifts

chun's wedding didn't go well

indecent affair

no one could bare

the guy and the girl, both heavily sinned

for they were supposed to be akin

they got caught red handed

and chun got him castrated

too many weddings

too many dresses

sisters, let's stay together

forever and ever

don't make your life a bummer

always a bridesmaid, never a bride

what is this attitude?

With so many dresses for weddings

silence, I'm sick of explaining

I was there for them

but they separated in the end

these gowns bring me sorrows

too many weddings

too many dresses

I'm content

I need not crying over a man

I don't ask for much

my fate is in my hand

too many weddings

praise the lord

I've hung on to my pride

"A chapter on couples"

say my name, baby

siu ming

say my name, baby - siu ming

louder

siu ming

How was it, baby? Was it good?

Yeah

on the scale of Richter magnitude

how intense was it?

Enough!

You were terrible!

You were focused only on your pleasure!

Don't mention about a quake

the bed didn't even move an inch

what now?

If your other half can't satisfy you sexually?

No problem

did you ever wish you could sue them?

No?

Know your rights and be informed

at kwan king lung solicitors

we have a lot of sexually experienced attorneys

who will follow you into your bedroom

and get you the orgasm you deserve, all in one go

Mr. kwan king lung, please

let's follow siu ming and Mei ling

to romantic hotel

and take a look at their case

higher, higher

lower, lower

I don't mean lowering your voice

all too familiar, isn't it?

If you don't want this, what can you do?

Don't get stuck with this

step out and make a move

back to you, Mr. kwan king lung

it's our priority to safeguard

the sexual satisfaction of our clients

siu ming, your contract states

you must nibble Mei ling's elbow

Mei ling, you must fondle siu ming's feet

it's awesome

with an annual fee of $4999

you can satisfy all your darkest desires

satisfaction guaranteed

or your money back

I got fifty thousand dollars

because siu ming refused to nibble my elbow

and I got one hundred thousand dollars

because Mei ling wouldn't fondle my feet

we won't rip you off

if your partner doesn't get you off

no problem

at kwan king lung solicitors

we care about your bedroom business!

I love Hong Kong!

Kwan king lung solicitors hotline

44535210

Baby

have you paid the management fee?

Yeah

honey, have you paid the credit card bill?

Yeah

have you called the technician to fix the washing machine?

Yeah

have you applied for a day off for the pta meeting?

Yeah

have you fed the tortoise?

Yeah

have you bought Chinese sausage for your mom?

Yeah

have you put your mom on the taxi?

Yeah

have you put the kids to bed?

Yeah

yeah?

How?

I promised them if they go to bed

I'm taking them to didiland this Saturday

just for going to bed?

I am exhausted

they were cutting polystyrene foam in their room

playing the "let eat go" game

it's not happening

whatever, we can tell them later

didiland is burnt to the ground

I have to clean up the snow before bed

don't stay up too late, okay?

Look at the dark circles under your eyes

ouch

Honey, you want me to come?

There's no need

I can clean it myself

no

I'm asking if you want me to come have a little fun with you in bed

really?

I don't know

what do you say?

It's only 9:15pm

I can clean up the snow tomorrow

really?

Wait

I forgot to put fabric softener in the washer

baby!

I tucked in the kids

and I put away their toys

so tonight I'll feel the joy of being wed

put away the toys

pepper pig

alsa, Ana are all gone

so tonight this daddy's turf will be his bed!

Sweep the floor first

by models and toys

tidying up is annoying

I'm getting rid of all of them

everything is cleared

I can be wild and crazy

I'm married

and I'm gonna have sex!

Daddy, little brother threw up in bed!

I'm coming

The leftovers I froze

and I laid out their school clothes

tonight I have to show off my lingerie

I finished everything quickly today

nothing else will get in the way

mommy has her urges that can no longer be suppressed

everywhere they roam

thore and dooramon

superheroes gather

all in the living room

everything is cleared

I can be wild and crazy

I'm married

and I'm gonna have sex!

Little bunny

tiger

- there was a time - When we were passionate

we made the bed shake

with love and desire

from dusk till dawn

I'm so turned on

make love all night long

let's get rough

what's going on, baby?

Mommy, little brother has to go poo poo

how come he has so much poop?

I can't wait

I'm burning with desire

I'm going to put on my sexy attire

what happened, baby?

Daddy, I want to hear a bedtime story

what story do you want?

I walked the toy poodle

bought beef and soy sauce

now watch mommy work as hard as mommy can

the kids have what they want

but tonight we need to bond

making endless love until dawn

the kids can't stop us going

the bed now is bouncing

come on, hottie

come on, sexy

- my wifey is going to be... - My hubby is going to be...

Screaming - craving

moaning - yearning

heaving - giggling

steaming - coming

we're going to make...

We can explain

mommy can explain to you

mommy has always wanted to be a very good...

Policewoman

if you told us

we wouldn't have bothered you

I wonder if we're going to have a little brother or sister after tonight

love

Celine, mommy and daddy stayed up late last night

they're still in bed

we still haven't had breakfast yet

that's so nice, my parents woke me up so early today

hang up now

byebye

it tastes better than mommy's breakfast

little brother, you scored number one on planetlii this month

yes!

We got the candy and the present for grandpa

the TV is off

the ac is off, the windows are shut

Oh god, we didn't unplug the iron

we forgot put water into the boiler

you two come with me

you, wait here

In my home, I'm not the boss

follow orders, never call the shots

I'm the head of the family, not a Butler

with my kids, I'm at a loss

at least...

I've got my car

at full throttle

okay, everyone in, let's go

at least I've got my car

it can take me very far

careful, there are lots of cars

when I'm driving

I'm a beast without a chain

slow, slow, we're not in a hurry

when I'm driving

I'm the king of my domain

put on your blinker

people aren't mind readers

on the highway of love

she's driving me nuts

keep your eyes on the road

every little thing she needs to know

keep your hands on the wheel

shut the hell up for real

I should've taken a cab

calm yourself down or we're dead

when automobiling, I'm messing and raging

when they're driving, it's always frightening

you take the wheel then

on the highway of love

they are driving us insane

everyone, as men

we are most annoyed

when our wives keep nagging us while we drive

I wish one day there's a company

that produces a car

like the one in "kingsman"

once I press a button

I can shoot my wife out of the car

together with the seat, into a land far, far away

it'll be a highly profitable business

thank you very much

Once we start the car, the marriage goes to hell

we're losing our grip on this family trip

on the highway of love

our fights are high-octane

on the highway of love

the marriage is rocky

on the highway of love

forever shall we reign

Stop kissing

you hit someone

ma'am, are you all right?

I'm fine - are you hurt?

- It's all right - Why are you sitting on the ground?

I'm in a hurry

watch it - I didn't hit her

Yes...

I've seen you act before, you are...

Your name is...

I'm a makeup artist. You can call me mo

take a seat

mo

Mo, please make me look prettier

what do you have in mind?

You think you are an award-winning actress?

Ladies and gentlemen

welcome to the dating show

that might change your life

"finding true love"

I'm your host, yam wing chuen

In this show, everyone will be able to find...

The better halves that can enrich your lives

hi, I'm from zhuhai, guangdong

my name is Jenny

what kind of music do you like?

Classical music

what kind of guy appeals to you?

I like guys with good sense of humor

travel around the world with me if you like me

that's wonderful

a perfect match

a perfect match

up next, we have...

The last lady waiting for true love

Hello, everyone

I'm Mrs. li

silly me

I'm wong oi may

you can call me may

li is my husband's surname

but he's dead

he's actually not dead

we are divorced

but I'm much happier thinking he's dead

that was a fantastic introduction by miss wong

I, wong oi may, am a divorcée

I'm divorced

divorced!

Actually, I still love him

no way!

Can we not talk about divorce?

During my divorce

it felt like having a heart surgery

but without anesthesia

it's like I'm cut open, with my lungs and guts spilled everywhere

am I a good speaker?

You've been staring at me the whole time

you must be falling for me!

I know I'm the one you want to choose!

May, let's talk about your job

all right

I work as a telemarketer

those who ask if you need money

and get hung up on

it's such a fulfilling job

I also attend a locksmith class at the community centre

locksmith and aerobics classes were the only available ones

I thought by attending the locksmith class

I could pick up a few more guys

but damn it

the class was full of desperate women

in this classroom,

desperate women were learning how to break locks

in that classroom,

old guys were learning how to dance

Do you have kids?

Yes

almost forgot to mention, I have a kid

will this make things more interesting?

I hope you won't find children annoying

although I do

I don't hate my son

how could 1?

I only hate my heartless husband

who abandoned the family when I was fifty two

so I have to raise my child alone

Did I just blurt that out...

I was dumped by my husband?

Do you want to date a divorcée?

Give it a try, it feels great

that bitch

she's not even twenty yet

young enough to be his granddaughter

she looks just like a snake demon

with eyes bigger than avata's and chin sharper than la tour eiffel

I had many sleepless nights

why?

I can't figure it out

I can't let that bastard affect me anymore

everything happened because of him

choosing the snake demon

over his wife of twenty seven years

He said

"I love her more"

then he left

my world stopped

everything stopped

Miss wong

that was very touching

Would you like to make a shorter speech?

If you agree with what I said

then pick me

pick me

if you think otherwise

then forget about it

"Finale"

amazing grace, how sweet the sound...

Sau mau ping, "good times"

huh?

Last month, after wong's funeral

the consolation feast was held there

we sat at the same table

do I know you?

You're fan, right?

And you are...

I'm chan

hello, chan

this seems like a nice funeral

who's it for?

You don't know who the deceased is too?

I'm here for the funeral right next door, I'm just a little bored

so I thought it'd be nice to pay my respects here as well

to be honest, I also don't know this person

I just accompanied my girlfriend

that's nice of you

do you want a pork bun?

Huh?

Right, it's not too appropriate to eat here

my wife's funeral was done here as well

we were married for forty something years

really?

Is this where your husband had the wake?

How would you know my husband passed away?

Just had that look about you

I can also tell you miss him

was his funeral held here?

His funeral was held in "international funeral parlor"

two and a half years ago

"international" is nice

their seats are nice and soft

right, much better than the ones here

fan, are you seeing anyone?

This is a funeral

even though we don't know who this is

we shouldn't behave like this

I'm sorry

I don't usually do this

I just seem to be going to a lot of these lately

so... my apologies

you like pork buns, right?

Winter garden in yau ma tei

serves pork buns in a set of four

and they're huge

really? We should go there sometimes

chan, is this a pickup?

What are you talking about?

You'd have to agree to a date

in order for it to actually be a pickup

right now

it's just an attempted pickup

you seem like a funny man

I don't really go out like you're intending

I've got some problems

my health's not good

well, at our age

that's understood

I've got arthritis

oh yes, the ankle hurts

I've got gout

I know it swells up

no matter, I can live with that

my kids don't visit

it's been always like that

I only see them during new year

it doesn't matter, they don't like us either

- I find you sexy - I find you strange

no matter, I can live with that

friends keep dying

but I've grown strong

it's wonderful being young

I think about it all the time

but it makes me nostalgic

I like cleanliness, tranquility and quietness

kiss me and I'll be quiet, I'll listen to everything you say

well then, dream on

I'll be quiet for a bit

and let you calm down

no matter, I can live with that

may 1?

I can't, chan

I'm not that type that just hops right into the bed

like some of the women in the elderly home

I don't do one night stands

it takes time with me

that's a problem

what problem?

Depends on how much time you're talking

if you're talking years

I don't think either of us has that long

I suppose I'm talking a few weeks

no matter, I can live with that

I'll see man, when I go to heaven

I promise to meet wan, in just a moment

he is still in my heart

things we've been through

the promises we've made

but I'm still here

I'll always miss my man

I'm always thinking of my wan

I just don't know...

[T's normal, because I don't know either

I'm still missing her

no matter

we can live with that

In this city familiar to all of us

this is how the story of man and woman shall be written

with one truth that shall remain eternal

all ye good people of earth

find someone to love, someone you think is perfect

then spend the rest of your life trying to change them

and tell him

I love you! You are perfect!

Keep coming back

somehow I keep coming back

I keep coming back

to this whirlwind tour

and wanting more

I swear that I swore off of love before

again

once more

amour

keep coming back

somehow I keep coming back

I keep coming back

I've been through the wringer

and been drip-dried

I say I'm a mess

but I say it with pride

again

once more

amour

keep coming back

I don't care

if it's right or wrong

once you hit bliss

then you hit reverse

go find love

no matter how you're badly hurt

I've let things go

and ready to be in love

again

once more

amour

keep coming back

let me be

keep coming back

believe in the future

I still try

to love another

makes me want to die

just let me

fall in love again

all I hope for is to

spend the rest of my life with you

I love you

I don't care

I love you

I belong to you

I love you more everyday

I don't care

I love you

anytime now

there might be a chance

I don't care

I want to fly

I love you

no matter what happens

may love be always with you

I want this, and this, and this

wait, I haven't tried this one on

and this one too, I'm trying them on

hey, honey!

Honey

when will you finish watching the game?

Just one more minute

so when will you be done watching?

What the hell? That's ridiculous

I've made a lot of effort learning the game

I know you like it

Honey, hurry up

otherwise we'll miss the ferry back to shekou

I'll take this too

honey, even if you buy more bras

you won't get bigger boobs, or grow taller

or get prettier, hurry up

shopping with my wife

here we are again

she takes forever to pick out a few clothes

damn slow

like a snail

I have no choice

but to stand here

now she's left me

waiting here, how sad

shopping, getting her nails and hair done

waiting for the wife

she's left me for a dress

I'm dying

she won't leave if a sale is on

when can I get a massage?

My days are wasted everyday

won't someone just shoot me now?

Excuse me

- ma'am, can I go first? - No

sorry, can I...

I'm about to pee myself, I drank too much water

I want to pee but there's a long queue ahead

men have it all easy

there are never queues for them

how troublesome, there aren't enough ladies' room

hold it until I can release in a stall

I should have just barged into one

being a woman

taking a leak

how pathetic

- non-stop shopping - Wait a little longer

I want to rebel but I'm still here

- this is my destiny - Wait a little longer

our relationship might be halted anytime

keep holding, damn it, I'm about to burst

- keep waiting, damn it, - Non-stop shopping

there aren't enough toilets

- keep holding, I'm about to burst - She's not stopping

wait a bit, hold it in

it's hurting my bladder

I don't have energy to wait any longer

this is insane

wait a little longer

I need to release

I need to piss

I can't wait anymore!

Hey guys, zip your flies

I'm coming in!

What's happening?

What's wrong?