All language subtitles for HAPPYish.S01E06_English

Lee:
I've been kinda
pissed off lately.

And it's not just me.

Everyone I know has been
pissed off lately--

Bella, Monica, Allison.

None of us knows why.

It's not rage or fury.

It's not malaise or ennui.

I mean, hell, I wish
it was something specific,

something I could just
point my finger at and say,

"Doctor, look.
Here's where it hurts.

Here is where
I'm bleeding."

But it isn't.

I mean, the only way that
I can describe it is this.

I feel like an Israelite.

You know,
I remember as a kid

that story of the Israelites
in the desert

and how they wandered
around for 40 years,

being told about
this awesome place,
this promised land.

And you know what they found
when they got there?

A fucking desert.

Oh, Bella,
this was a bad idea.

Oh, come on.
It's worth a shot.

- There's over
400 stores in here.
- ( Lee groans )

Something in here
has to lift our spirits.

- Retail therapy.
- Ugh. Retail therapy.

You know who
retail therapy helps?

- Retailers.
- I'm trying to help, Lee.

You wanna spend
a hundred bucks

bitching about your mother
to some shrink,

or do you wanna
spend a hundred bucks
on some foxy cutoffs?

No, no, no, no.

Bella. Ugh.

- ( whistles )
- Fuck.

* If you're happy
and you know it,
clap your hands *

* If you're happy and you
know it, clap your hands *

* If you're
happy and you know it,
then motherfucking show it *

* If you're happy
and you know it, clap your
motherfucking hands *

* If you're happy
and you know it,
clap your hands! *

- ( music playing )
- * Girl...

Yes, yeah,
that-- that's hot.

Very nice.
Very nice indeed.

All right.
Can you go the other way?

Very nice.
( laughs )

Atomic Goldfarb.

Is that a traditional
Jewish name, you think?

Atomic?

They say he's good.

Please,
he's been brought in
to push me out.

Probably, yes.

( sighs )
I don't know why I'm doing
the Wonderbra thing, anyway.

I'm buried
in my own accounts.

Fuck you, Thom.
You should be thanking me.

This is the only
account of Larry's

that everyone's
been begging me for.

( man laughs )
That's it. That's it.

Look at that.

I gotta tell ya,
this does nothing
for me anymore.

Having sex with Dani
is just like a whole
different thing.

Her body is like--

it's like a map
of her life.

Oh, God.

I mean,
at first I'm like,

"Hey, this is the oldest woman
I've ever had sex with,"

but now I think she may be
the only real woman

I've ever had sex with.

Every female body
under 40

looks like they bought it
from the same catalog,

which they did.

And women under 30
are like Ikea furniture.

You know, it looks good,
but everyone's got it.

By the time you get it home,
it's probably gonna be damaged.

But I'm telling you,
when I cup Dani's breast
in my hand,

there's-- there's life
in there, you know?

You can't buy that.

There's no surgery
you get for that.

It's life.
It's a journey.

And every dent, every scar,
every imperfection

just makes a woman
all the more beautiful.

Gravity does wonderful things
to the female body.

Yep.

Have you ever sucked
a saggy tit?

Whoa.

Can she take
that gum out?

We have arrived!

Wait.

This is it?

This is the promised land?

Are you kidding me?
It's a shithole.

Yes, but it's
our shithole.

A shithole?

It's not even
a fucking shithole.

It's nothing.
A shithole would
be something.

Nothing is
ever good enough
for you people.

- No wonder God hates you.
- Barry: This is bullshit.

I knew we shouldn't
have left Egypt.

At least back in Egypt
we could have imagined
someplace better.

Oh, fuck it.
Let's just go back.

Oh, can't we please
just try to enjoy this?

Lee:
He said that we would
find something here.

He said there would
be something here.

A reason, a purpose,
a meaning.

He lied to us, Bells.

Enjoy what?

The scorpions,
the emptiness,
the sand?

Yes! Sand.

Sand is fun, okay?

What do you got
against sand?

Sand castles.
Sand boxes.

- Sand crabs.
- Sand storms.

Oh, can't we just play
in the sand, guys?

Can't we just play
in the sand?

'Cause I'm so sick
of wandering and walking
and waiting.

And if we play in the sand,
it'll cheer us up, okay?

Let's just play
in the sand.

Look at me.
I'm just playing in the sand!

- ( screaming )
- My eyes!

Oh, my God.
My eyes.

Bella, I think I'm gonna
have a seizure.

Can we please
get out of here?

Look at the picture
on this.

It's amazing.

Helen Keller
had the right idea.

Blind and deaf.
That's the way to go.

64-inch screen.
2,000 pixels.

Did you ever hear
that Lenny Bruce thing
about fake vomit?

No, and we don't want to.

Mm. He said, "You know why
they make fake vomit?

'Cause the fake shit
sold so well."

$3,000, huh?
You sell a lot of these?

Oh, can't keep them
in the store.

I think I have
one more in stock
if you're interested.

- Do you have any crack?
- Crack?

Yeah. I'm looking
for something that's maybe
a little less addictive,

maybe something
a little less bad
for my brain?

Can you just
chill the fuck out?

- I'll come back.
- All right, Rich.
Thank you.

Bella...

I'm just trying
to have a nice time.

I just wanna have
a mindless day.

One day without
the kid and the school
and the husband, okay?

Go through the mall,
buy a few things,
get a manicure.

Do you have to fuckin' piss
on everything?

Whoa, wait.
I'm not pissing
on anything, Bella.

I'm allowed
to have an opinion.

And I'm allowed
not to have to hear it,
Lee, okay?

Just today.
Just for once.

Just humor me, all right?
I know it's stupid.

That's the whole point,
you know?

The whole thing
is fuckin' stupid.

But sometimes I just
need stupid, okay?

Don't yuck my yum.

That's what they say
at Clarence's school.

Don't yuck my yum.

Okay, you're right.
I'm sorry.

Okay? I won't fuck
with your bubble

and you don't
yuck my yum.

Okay, I won't
yuck your yum.

- Thank you.
My yum appreciates it.
- Okay, good.

Okay, speaking of yum,
let's get a fuckin' drink.

Oh!

Not a bad gig, huh?

- ( music playing )
- Thom: Not a bad gig.

You live in Woodstock?

Yeah.

That's where
that concert was, right?

- That's right.
- When was that?

Like, late '90s
or something, right?

Uh, there was a second one
in the late '90s.

The first was late '60s.

Oh, two concerts.
Cool, cool.

So you're doing,
like, a retro hippy
sort of thing, huh?

Sort of like
a post-city, indie,

nonmaterialistic,
anti-social media vibe?

Cool, cool.
I dig that.

You know, a buddy of mine
in Brooklyn's doing

this whole
urban farm thing, man.

Props to that.
Props to that.

Just stop.
One s-- wait there.

Yeah, cool, cool.
Do your thing, man.
Do your thing.

I'll just be sitting here
watching some hotties.

Jonathan says
he wants you to be
at the JP Morgan briefing.

Well, tell him I'd love to,
but I can't

because I'm babysitting
a fucking two-year-old

and I have to run out
to buy some diapers.

Uh, Jonathan,
Thom says he'd love to,

but he and Atomic
are buried in Wonderbra.

Lorna, tell Thom to stop
bullshitting a bullshitter.

How long does it take
to pick a pair of tits?

Jonathan's feeling
is that JP Morgan is
a priority right now.

Well, tell him that
he shouldn't have put me
in a room with a fucking moron

and given me
the unenviable task

of having to choose
a pair of tits for the most
asinine product ever.

Jonathan?

Thom says he'll try.
Mm-hmm.

- ( laughter )
- ( music playing )

I told you
this was a good idea.

No, this was
a good idea.

Ugh, I just needed
a break, you know?

Barry's just-- ugh.
I don't know.

He's just so down
all the time, you know?

Like, nothing
picks him up.

He's yucking your yum.

( both laughing )

He says it's the job.

I don't know, maybe it is.
I don't know.

- Barry: Atomic?
- Thom: Atomic Goldfarb.

The latest
underaged prophet

sent to deliver
the lost 40-somethings
from the wilderness.

Hey, at least you're
working on some titties.

If I was working
on some titties,

then maybe I wouldn't
be chasing every pair
that walked by.

Hey, Bella is awesome.
Don't fuck it up.

I know. I know.
She's great.

It's just-- I don't know.

You know, I mean,
you wouldn't want to read

just one book
your whole life,
would you?

What one book is enough
for a lifetime?

- The Bible,
according to my mother.
- That's five books.

32 if you count
the New Testament.

That's a fucking lot
of books.

Yeah, and none of them
are very good,
to be honest.

Man, you know what?
I envy you.

You think-- you think
Lee and I don't have issues?

No, I didn't say
I envied your marriage.

I envy your dream.
You still have a dream.

See, you still believe
that if you just
had enough time

to write a book or two,

if you could just
become a writer,

your life would be better.

Me, I know
that's bullshit.

I left
my corporate law gig,

followed my heart,
moved to the country,

became a family court
attorney.

Something for my soul.

And you know what?

The work is shittier
than before.

I've been
to the mountain top,
brother,

and it's the same
miserable shit as
the mountain bottom.

Barry was my beautiful
black knight in shining armor,

you know,
leading me to freedom.

- ( laughs )
- Just-- I don't know.

We're not connecting lately.

Same bed,
separate lives.

I mean,
that's just reality, Bella.

Honey, that's just--
that's just life.

I mean, Thom and I don't
fuck like we used to,
but we laugh more.

Yeah?

Well, we don't
fuck or laugh.

Maybe you should
talk to someone.

- Maybe you should-- yeah.
- "Maybe." I'm talking to you.

Yeah, I know.
You know, I mean,
someone you pay money to.

No, or maybe depression
is not a disorder.

Maybe life is the disorder.

Maybe we're a smart virus
that has to adapt--

God damn.
( laughs )

Lost my train
of thought.

Wow, there's
no conversation

that won't stop
for, uh-- for ass.

None.

"Four score
and seven years ago,
a new-- holy crap!

Look at the ass
on that bitch."

"I have a dream
that one day this nation
will rise up and-- God damn.

Look at the titties
in the front row.

You're distracting
the King."

Excuse me.

Could we get
another round
of appletinis

and some more
mozzarella sticks?

- Sure.
- Oh, my God.

( both laughing )

I told you.
This was a good idea.

Oh. No, mama,
this was a great idea.

Larry:
My last day after 15 years.

You know
what I'm proudest of?

Wonderbra.
Supporting greatness.

Hey, I inherited
that campaign.

It's yours now, asshole.

Yeah, don't remind me.

Do you wanna
pick one last pair
before you leave?

"We are going
to take this brand

from hooters to heroines."

( both laughing )

Maya actually said that.

And then she took us
through her slideshow

of great women
with great racks.

- I know.
- Eleanor Roosevelt.

Golda Meir.
Barbara Bush.

Hey, Babs had a rack
on her, man.

Well, Bush '41
was a tit man.

Yeah, well,
all presidents are tit men.

Mm. Not Obama.
Obama's an ass man.

( laughs )

Yeah. Yeah, there's probably
a joke about the Oval Office,

but I can't be bothered.

Do you remember
when we first met?

It's gotta be
15 years ago now.

I came in here
and I said, "Hey...

Larry Nash, love your work.
I just started here."

- You know
what you said?
- What?

"I'm sorry to hear that."

( chuckles )

Yeah.

So what are you
most proud of?

That in 15 years
in this fucking business

I never once
stopped hating it.

Good for you.

I think that's what
bothers me the most

about these
younger guys,
you know?

That they think
it's cool.

You know?
They like it.

They don't mind
working for Satan.

You know,
the pay is fantastic.

But you can't forget
it's Satan.

Did you call Dani?

You know, I'm ashamed
I was ever good at it,
to be honest.

You know, I think
it was the stuff that
made me happy back then.

You know,
the brands and the things
when I was younger.

The Nikes and the Levis
and the BMWs.

It was fun
to be a part of.

It was fun to get
involved with.

Because the products
themselves

actually made me
happy, you know?

And then somewhere
around 35 or something,
something happens.

It stopped making you happy.

I remember looking around
my house a few months back,

and it's just filled
with $5,000 couches

and dead, soulless art,
and I just thought,

"What the fuck
is all this shit?"

My neighbor Ted was over,

and I said, "Ted,
what is all this shit?"

( chuckles )
What did he say?

He offered me two grand
for the couch.

( laughs )

Did you call Dani?

- Yeah.
- And?

She said the average
employee age at Facebook is 26

and at Google it's 31
and at Apple it's 33.

I don't know what's worse,
your leaving or my staying.

- ( music playing )
- Bella: This is sexy.

What do you think?

It would look good
on your daughter.

Bella, look at this.

This would look great--
you'd look awesome in this.

This is really hot.

That's not hot, Bella.

That's ridiculous.

- Is this about Barry?
- What?

You do not need to dress
like a teenager

to keep him
interested in you.

Wow. Fuck you.

He should be happy
to have you at all.

That's all I'm saying.

Oh. Look who's gonna
lecture me about happy.

Look at you, Lee.

You have a good marriage.

You have
a beautiful child.

You have a home.
You have a studio.

And you are
still pissed off.

You are still
dissatisfied.

Why is that, Lee?
Huh?

What's it gonna take?

How perfect
does your shit
need to be

before you let yourself
even feel an ounce of joy?

Don't talk to me
about happy, okay?

Don't talk to me
about anything.

( music playing on TV )

Listen, uh, Atomic,
I'm not sure I can take
much more of this.

Yeah, I hear ya.

Look, if you wanna choose
the model, that's fine by me.

I don't even know why
they use a model anyway.

It's not like anybody
doesn't know what they do.

Or what tits look like.

Exactly.

All right.

You know,
I was thinking...

maybe they shouldn't even
have a Wonderbra model
anymore, you know?

I mean, I don't--
you're the creative director.
You know better than me.

But, like, maybe
all they need to do

is own big.

Well, this is my first day
on the account,

so, you know, your guess
is as good as mine.

I just think, like, all this
"supporting greatness" shit,
it's weak, man.

It's like they're embarrassed
to be who they are.

People like big tits.
All people.

Except for the people
that don't, and fuck them.

They're not buying
Wonderbras anyway.

So let's just own big.

Americans like big.

Big burgers,
big trucks, big tits.

- ( laughs )
- You don't even need to see
some chick, you know?

You don't even need
to see the product.

You just open up
on, uh-- on...

I don't know, you open up on
the Great Wall of China, right?

And you see
how huge it is, right?

You know, it's gigantic.
Miles long, all that shit.

And then the title
comes up.

"Nobody travels
halfway around the world

to see the Medium
Wall of China."

Logo comes up.

"Wonderbra.
Go big."

Or, you know, whatever.

Yeah, no, that's--

yeah, I guess people don't
come back from Yosemite

and claim to have seen
Littlefoot.

( laughs )

Lee:
Maybe Bella's right.

Maybe there is
something wrong with me.

There's nothing
wrong with you.

I hate sand, too.

Well, they don't.

They all seem
really happy with it.

Because they're insane.
It's just sand.

The only reason
they like it is they
can't admit they hate it

'cause they're
stuck in it.

Because it's supposed
to be the promised land,

and they can't admit
that it's not,

that they were lied to.

They were shortchanged,
you know?

And, I don't know,
maybe there is
a promised land,

maybe there isn't,
but this isn't it.

This-- this can't be it,
I mean, you know,

however much they need
to believe that it is.

It's, like,
I wasn't happy in Egypt.

I wasn't happy in the desert
and I'm not happy here.

It's like--
it's like I'm broken.

It's like I-- I--
I'm not happy anywhere.

Baby, we'll--
we'll keep looking, okay?

We're gonna find it.
I promise.

( chattering )

Oh, my God,
look at these!

- These ones here.
- I know!

( chattering )

Oy.

I'm lost.

Who isn't?

I gotta get out of here.

Me, too.
Come on, let's go.

Oh, you're gonna
show me the way out?

I don't have
that kind of time.

Hey, don't bust
my balls, Lee.

Christ. You get lost once,
they never let you forget it.

Trust me.
This way.

Shit.

Wait.

No, no.

No, this isn't right.

So it's your fault.

You started all this
"promised land" shit.

Look, if I said
I was taking everybody
to "regular land,"

or, uh-- or "land
that can't replace

the gaping emotional
empty hole in your heart,"

you think anybody
would have followed me?

If I've learned one thing
in life, it's this.

Promised land.

Land of opportunity.

Shining city on the hill.

It's just sand.

How the fuck
do you get out of here?

( elevator dings )

( sighs )

So what do I do?
Do I fake it?

Yes.

You take joy wherever
you can find it,

even if it's bullshit.

You know,
Lee, I never made it
to the promised land.

I died before we got in,
but my kids made it in.

And that's all that's
important in the end.

They made it in.

They've been
happy there ever since.

You don't follow
the news much, do you, Mo?

( chuckles )

We're here.

Oh. I found it.

( blows raspberry )
My ass.

You know what?

I'm gonna find
some bullshit.

And I'm gonna hit
The Cheesecake Factory.

Just purchasing
the one item today?

Cashier:
Just returning
the one item today?

What was wrong
with them?

They're cheap
and slutty.

That's why
I'm buying 'em.

( cash registers beeping )

I returned
all the shit
I bought.

I'm buying all the shit
that you returned.

What now?

I can't drive.

Ugh. I can't drive.

Any ideas?

Well, obviously we should
go have another round
of appletinis

and ride the Ferris wheel.

Obviously!

Atomic:
Nobody would care much
for the Less Than Grand Canyon.

Nobody claims
to have seen Mediumfoot.

And nobody would travel
halfway around the world

to see the Not-So-Great
Wall of China.

Wonderbra.
Go big.

( slow clap )

Thom:
It's a great idea, guys.

It's strong
and it's simple,

and it gets away
from that crappy imagery
they've been stuck with.

- It's not even close
to their strategy.
- Fuck the strategy.

Lisa:
They wanna be seen
as supporting women.

They wanna be human
and approachable.

They don't support women.
They-- they do that.

Andrea Dworkin
never wore a Wonderbra.

Andrea Dworkin
never wore any bra.

Maybe if it said
something like,

"Hey, this is
the Great Wall of China,

and you can
be great, too."

If you had bigger tits.

Look, they spent millions on
"supporting greatness," Thom.

I get this
is a clever idea and all,
but there's just no way.

Welcome to MGT.

Oh, hey, no worries, man.

I just started here.

- I'm sorry to hear that.
- ( chuckles )

Well, back to
watching titties.

( Lee and Bella
cheering, laughing )

Lee:
Welcome to
the promised land!

Welcome to
the promised land!

( laughs, snorts )

- You know what?
- What?

Honey...

you were right.

This was a great idea!

Lee:
Hey, let us down!

We have more
shopping to do!

Let us go!

Let my penis go!

( laughs )

Let my penis go!

We need more stuff!

Let my penis go!

Lee:
And behold, Abraham arose
in the morning, and he left.

Guess that's why
I always liked Abraham.

At least he left.

At least he kept trying
to find a better place.

You should go back
to that store.

- ( laughs )
- I'm serious.

See if they have 'em
in your size?

- Yeah.
- ( music playing )

Come here.
Come here.

Lee:
And also, I mean, come on.

He fucked his wife
when she was 90.

That's pretty
fuckin' awesome, guys.

* If you're happy
and you know it,
clap your hands *

* If you're happy and you
know it, clap your hands *

* If you're happy and you
know it, then your face
will surely show it *

* If you're happy
and you know it,
clap your hands *

* If you're happy and you
know it, clap your hands *

* If you're happy
and you know it,
clap your hands *

* If you're happy and you
know it, then your face
will surely show it *

* If you're happy
and you know it,
clap your hands *

* If you're happy and you
know it, clap your hands *

* If you're happy
and you know it,
clap your hands *

* If you're happy and you
know it, then your face
will surely show it *

* If you're happy
and you know it,
clap your hands *

* If you're happy and you
know it, clap your hands *

* If you're happy
and you know it,
clap your hands *

* If you're
happy and you know it,
then motherfucking show it *

* If you're happy
and you know it, clap your
motherfucking hands *

* If you're happy and you
know it, then your face
will surely show it *

* If you're happy
and you know it,
clap your hands! *