All language subtitles for HAPPYish.S01E05_English

Thom:
Do you know this play?

"Death of a Salesman"
by Arthur Miller.

The most depressing
three hours you'll ever
spend in a theater.

Miserable guy
in a miserable job
kills himself.

The miserable end.
Thanks, Arthur.
Thank you.

Thanks for reminding me
all comes to shit, because
I didn't know that.

Thoughts of tragedy
don't occupy my mind
24 hours a day.

You want tragedy?
I can write you tragedy.

Tragedy is easy.
Make me forget it's all
a tragedy.

Make me laugh at the misery.
Then you deserve an award.

Ooh, Arthur Miller.
Fuck you, Arthur Miller!

* If you're happy
and you know it,
clap your hands *

* If you're happy and you
know it, clap your hands *

* If you're
happy and you know it,
then motherfucking show it *

* If you're happy
and you know it, clap your
motherfucking hands *

* If you're happy
and you know it,
clap your hands! *

Thom:
So I'm on the train

and this jackass next to me
is reading the "Times."

- "The New York Times"?
- Yeah, the fucking
"New York Times."

- And how does that
make him a jackass?
- 'Cause he's reading the news.

- News is for suckers.
- Yeah, because this jackass

thinks he needs
to know about Syria.

So now I'm looking
over his shoulder.

Now I think I need
to know about Syria

and it fucks up my whole day
'cause I'm trying to solve it
and fix it.

So information
makes you a sucker?

It's not information.
It's distraction.

I'm so glad
I rented that barn.

Just needed to get away
from this world.

- To the barn.
- To the barn.

That's exactly why
I became a Buddhist.

- Ahem, wait.
A Buddhist?
- A Buddhist.

- Since when are you a Buddhist?
- Since when? Since fuck you,
how about that?

If you're a Buddhist,
you're the angriest
Buddhist in the world.

Good for you, Barry.
Self-improvement.
I admire it.

- Thank you.
- Yes, exactly.

Oh, come--
why is religion

automatically
self-improvement?

Why is it not
a decline?

Maybe it's failure.
Maybe it's surrender.

Well, you obviously
don't know shit
about Buddhism.

- You're a very
angry Buddhist, Barry.
- I'm not angry, shithead.

- I'm present.
- Well, you're here.

I'm present.
I'm more present
than you, asshole, okay?

I'm present
like a motherfucker.

Okay?
Listen, I'm a lawyer
for the family court.

I mean, I left a city job,
followed my dream,

tried to be
some sort of hero,
and it's what?

It's one failure at life
and love after the next one.

And my job
barely makes a dent.

I mean, at this point
it's either Buddhism or heroin.

Acceptance of misery.
Life is endless suffering.

Maybe I should
become a Buddhist.

Hey, Buddhists
don't fuck around, okay?
Buddhists call bullshit.

And let's face it,
life is fucking bullshit.

So it's kind of like
organized misery.

Well, it's better
than disorganized misery.

Barry:
Let me tell you
something, adman.

That's Buddhism's tagline--
"Fuck it."

- "Buddhism: Fuck it."
- ( laughing )

I mean, it's all
a pile of shit anyway.

I didn't know Buddhism
had a tagline.

Well, you heard it
from me.

Christianity doesn't
have a tagline.

Sure, it does.
"You fucked up."

"Christianity:
You fucked up."

Jews, it's just,
"We're fucked."

Well, that's what you get
for killing Jesus.

( all laugh )

Thom:
A strange thing happens
when you hit your 40s.

Things start falling apart.

Suddenly everyone
is splitting up.

They're dropping dead.

And so you start
to think about death...

and how you're
spending your life.

And if you're
spending it well or...

just spending it.

There's a famous Buddhist,
Thich Nhat Hanh,

and he says you shouldn't
worry about death.

He says, "Clouds don't worry
about becoming rain."

But clouds
don't have kids, Thich.

Clouds don't have to worry
about burying their cloud kids

or their cloud kids
burying them.

You know who else
doesn't have kids?

Thich Nhat fucking Hanh.

Julius:
Dad?

Hey, buddy.

We didn't do hugs.

I thought you were sleeping,
you lunatic.

- What are you doing up?
- Come up.

- I'm so late, buddy.
- But it's so early.

Not early enough.
Time to make the doughnuts.

You're making doughnuts?

- ( engine starts )
- Just a joke.

Oh.

But we didn't do hugs!

I'm so late.
Extra hugs later, okay?

- Okay.
- Okay. Love you!

- Love you!
- Love you, buddy!

Love you, Dad!

Love you, Dada!

- ( bell rings )
- Woman: Yeah, sure.

( bell chimes )

( music blaring
on headphones )

- ( train squeals )
- ( Thom sighs )

He dies in the end.

Comes back, though.

( sighs )

Oh.

Oh.

Motherfuck!

* One Saturday I took
a walk to Zipperhead *

* I met a girl there
and she almost knocked
me dead *

* Punk rock girl,
please look at me *

* Punk rock girl,
what do you see? *

* Let's travel
round the world *

* Just you and me,
punk rock girl. *

- ( thuds,
wheels screeching )
- Woman: Whoa!

( woman #2 groans )

I swear to God,
it's like they know
when I'm wearing a new outfit.

Or when I have
an early meeting.

That's weird.

The train stopped
just outside the station.

Mm, nothing weird
about these trains anymore.

- ( train hisses )
- ( all groan )

- Oh, God.
- ( murmuring )

- Marvelous.
- Fuck.

Every fucking day.

And then they charge you
an arm and a leg.

( clicks tongue )

Marvelous.

* I used to be
an optimist *

* Never made any promises

* Never made
any promises *

* Never made any promises

* I used to be
an optimist *

- * Never made
any promises... *
- ( knocking on door )

* Never made any promises

* Never made
any promises... *

- ( shuts music off )
- ( knocking continues )

Hey.

Walter, hi.
Come in.

- Hi, Lee.
- Come in, it's freezing.

- ( whimpering )
- Hi, Munchkin.

I just wanted
to make sure

everything's okay
on your first day.

- Oh, it's perfect.
- I don't want to
disturb your work.

No, not at all.

It's a bit cold
with the heater out.

I called
the gas company--

Oh, it's fine.
It's fine.

- ( stammers )
- No, I could not be happier.

- Do you want some tea?
- Sure.

I mean, honestly,
I could not love
this place any more.

It's just--
it's exactly
what I needed.

You know?
Just to get away.

No Wi-Fi, no cell,
just away.

You know, this is
kind of exactly why
we moved to Woodstock

in the first place,
you know?

Just to get away
from people, from noise,

from all that suffocating
culture, you know?

"Must see this,"
"must buy that."

You know, movies,

television, news.

You know?

All those prying eyes.

So...

- Here you go.
- Uh...

well, it's a special place.

This used to be
your studio?

Are you from New York?

Uh, Long Island.

- You know...
- Oh.

Jewish self-loathing,
Holocaust,

theological ambivalence,
disappointment to my mother--
the whole shebang.

( laughs )

Mm.

Mm, well,
you know what, Walter?

I think-- I only have
a couple more hours,
so I think I'm--

I should-- I think
I'm just gonna get
back to work.

But thank you so much
for stopping.

I lost most of my family
in the camps.

Oh, my gosh.
Uh, I'm so sorry.

I didn't mean to--

The death camps.

Right.

Yeah, in Poland.

Oh, f--
yeah, of course.

Well, who didn't
back then, huh?

Oh, yeah.

Eh, life goes on.

Life goes on.
Life-- life goes on.

- Ah.
- Not for
my parents, though.

No.

My mother died in Auschwitz
in the gas chambers.

Ah, uh-huh.

My father didn't,
though.

- No?
- No, no.

The typhoid.
Bergen-Belsen.

Oh, right.
Oh, yeah.

My sister-- I mean,
my oldest sister, Ruth.

She was in the resistance.

Oh, wow.
Good for her.

- Good for her.
- Not for long, though.

- No?
- The Nazis found them
about a week after she joined.

- I see.
- Shot her in the back
of the head.

- Ruth.
- Point-blank.

Yeah, sure.
Ooh.

Wow.

My younger sister Tamar,
she survived Treblinka.

She did?

Of course, the liberators
gave them all food

and she ate too quickly.

- Uh-oh.
- Died two days later.

Mm.

- Diarrhea.
- Oh, that'll do her.

Terrible way to go.

- I knew others.
- Mm.

Maya:
We all know the statistics:

38 billion water bottles
wasted each year.

17 million barrels
of oil annually

to make those wasted
plastic water bottles--

yada, yada, yada.

But what if we're
not the enemy?

What if we're the savior?

Mississippi River.
Polluted.

Ohio River.
Polluted.

According to the EPA,
more than half

of the rivers and waterways
in the United States

can no longer
support life.

13,000 miles
of river ways

contain fish
with elevated levels
of mercury.

This is not just
ecological apocalypse.

This is a wonderful opportunity
for Nestle Waters.

The anti-tap water strategy
worked for a while,

but we need
to expand that.

Nowadays, you can't
trust any water.

Except ours.

We're not polluters,
we're environmentalists.

Let's make pollution
work for us.

We are not the problem.
We are the solution.

- Jonathan: I love it.
- Debbie: That's great.

I love it.
Isn't--

isn't Thom supposed
to be here? Thom?

- ( music blaring
on headphones )
- ( quiet chatter )

Your tax dollars
at work, folks!

Your fucking
tax dollars at work.

You think
they give a damn
if I'm late?

They don't give a damn.

I'm an attorney.

I have motions to file,
cases to try.

They are interfering with
a basic constitutional right.

- We're all late for work.
- What's that supposed to mean?

It's supposed
to mean shut up.

That's what
it's supposed to mean.

- Unbelievable.
- Liz, hey, it's me.

We're stopped.
Dead stopped.

Listen, I need you
to move my 9:00 to 10:00,

my 10:00 to 11:00,
my 11:00 to 12:00,

cancel my lunch with Bob
and see if he can do drinks
on Tuesday.

I'll call in for my 4:00
on my way to my 3:00,

but don't schedule anything
after 5:00 in case
my 4:00 runs long.

- Hello?
- Jonathan: Thom?

Hey, guys.
Uh, bad news.

The train
is at a dead stop.

Better late
than never, Thom!

Thank you, Gottfrid.

As Gustaff says,

"No worms for you,
Mr. Early Bird."

( all chuckle )

Stay with us, Thom.

Yeah, I'm gonna stay
on the line.

Hopefully the train
will start moving soon.

Maya:
So instead of being
the evil plastic bottle makers,

Nestle becomes the voice
of environmentalism.

"We just want you
to have clean water.

But there isn't any.
So we go out, we find it,

- and we bring it
to your supermarket."
- Jonathan: Yeah, I love it.

- Debbie: Great opportunities
for social here, right?
- Jonathan: Yeah.

- Would you like
the front page?
- No, thank you.

- Read it?
- No.

- Get it on your iPad?
- No.

Then how come
you don't want it?

Because I don't.

- Why not?
- "Why not"?

Aren't you interested
in the world around you?

- Uh, no, I'm not.
- How can you say that?

Uh, very happily.
( snaps fingers )

- Hey.
- What?

Can you turn that down, please?
It's very "boom, boom."

It's affecting
other people.

You can't just bury
your head in the sand.

- Yes, you can.
- You need to stay informed.

Okay, so what
have you learned today
in that newspaper

that you didn't know
a year ago?

Or 10 years ago?
That the Middle East
is fucked?

That politicians lie,
that people kill?
That's not news.

There's not enough misery
in your own life,

and it's hard enough
trying to get through
the day

without learning about
all the people who didn't
get through yesterday.

That is
the most selfish thing
I've ever heard.

( sighs )
Okay, why do you
read the newspapers?

Hmm?
What, are you going
to cure Ebola?

Are you going to solve
the Ukraine or Bahrain
or acid rain?

You read the newspaper
'cause you think it gives
you an edge.

Helps you get ahead.
Helps you stay connected.

You know?
That's selfish
and deluded.

You only care
about yourself.

The best thing
people can do for others
is to examine themselves.

But of course
it's a lot easier
to look in the pages

of "The New York Times"
than it is to look
in the mirror.

- For your information, I hap--
- Man on PA: Good morning,
ladies and gentlemen.

- We apologize
for the extended delay.
- Bullshit!

As the train was entering
the station this morning,

it struck a commuter
who had fallen on the tracks.

Despite making every effort
to stop the train in time,

this collision resulted
in a fatality.

This train
is now a crime scene
and may not be moved.

We apologize
for this inconvenience

and will be sending
another train shortly
on the opposite track.

That train
will continue on

to Manhattan's
Grand Central Station.

We apologize again
for the delay.

Walter:
Well, she's a very old dog,

but her hearing started to go
a couple of years back.

Oh, that'll happen.

- It's not so bad...
- Mm-hmm.

...except that
she has diabetes.

Mm.

If she doesn't get
her shots on time,
don't ask.

You know what, Walter?
I am so sorry.

I've got to pick up
my son in, like, an hour
from school, so I've--

She'd never make it
through the night.

No, I wouldn't think so.

Her sister died
last year.

I figured.

- Coyotes got her.
- Yep.

( screams )

( thumping )

Fuck!

( exhales sharply )

( groans )

Okay.

Woman:
Almighty Father,
eternal God,

hear our prayers
for Your son/daughter

whom You have called
from this life to Yourself.

Grant him/her light,
happiness, and peace.

Let him/her pass in safety
through the gates of death.

Guard him/her from harm.

And on that great day
of resurrection,

raise him/her up
with all Your saints.

Amen.

Amen.

So horrible.

It's unbelievable.

It could've been anyone,
you know?

I didn't hug my son
this morning.

Just, you know,
"Sorry, buddy, gotta go.

Time to make
the doughnuts."

You know what?
I think you were right.

About this newspaper,
about the world.

I mean, I waste
so much time

thinking about everything
but what really matters.

I mean, newspapers,
trade papers, magazines,

blogs, Twitter feeds,
"People" fucking magazine,

all day, every day,
and for what?

I mean, should it take death
to make you think about life?

It really makes
you think, you know?

About how you're
spending your life.

That's why I carry Jesus
in my heart.

Because all of life
is just a chance to get
closer to Jesus.

And when you
get closer to Jesus,
you get closer to peace.

It's been so long
since I've been to church.

I should go,

get some perspective,
you know?

I picture myself
doing all this stupid work.

Happy as a pig in shit.

It doesn't matter
how happy you are.

- It's still shit.
- Mm-hmm.

And if you're
happy in shit...

You're probably a pig.

Mm-hmm.
( chuckles )

( crying )

( train horn blares )

I hear she was reading
her iPad when she fell in.

So sad.

I hear the new one's
gonna have a better screen.

The old one already had
retina display.

No, I don't mean the display,
I mean the screen.

- What about the screen?
- Split.

- Split?
- Split. You can have
two windows open.

- No way!
- Way.

I gotta get
to the Apple Store.

Me, too.
Where the fuck
is this train?

It's typical.
They screwed up
my morning,

they might as well
screw up my afternoon.

How hard could it be
for them to find one train?

Hey, Liz.
Still waiting.
Listen.

Send me the email
with the Word doc
you converted from that PDF.

I'll enclose the JPEGs,
upload it to Dropbox,

and you can transfer it all
to the final PowerPoint.

Make sure you cc
Gary and David,
bcc Amy...

Jonathan on phone:
We can't just go in
with a bunch of TV.

- Wieden & Bulgari
are gonna come in...
- ( train horn blaring )

...with a mountain
of digital shit.

Debbie:
We should think about,
at some point,

of advocacy work
we can do.

You know,
"fight pollution,"
or whatever,

while reminding everyone
not to drink other water.

Maya:
Definitely.

Classic
zero-to-hero strategy.

Our target lives online.

I take some money
out of traditional media,

really make this
a Facebook-led campaign.

Jonathan:
I say take the money,
give half to Greenpeace,

spend the other half
publicizing the hell
out of our donation.

Debbie:
We did charity
last year, Jonathan.

It barely moved
the needle.

I think we can spend
our money better elsewhere.

Track 18!
Track 18!

Maya:
What about #giveadamn?

You didn't send a PDF,
Liz, you sent a zip.

Just send me a JPEG,
for Christ's sake.

Gottfrid:
I like this idea
of #giveadamn.

You know, really involve
the consumer...

Come on, no, no, no.
I've had a hell of a day!

Maya:
We need a handle for this,

something that
encapsulates the idea

that natural water
is dangerous.

Oh, well, how about
just that?

How about, um...

you know,
"Natural Water Isn't."

When it is,
you can drink it,
but it's not right now.

Maya:
I like that.

You could just have,
"Because Natural Water Isn't,"

then a list
of chemicals in the ocean

versus a Poland Spring
bottle.

Jonathan: Compelling.
That's a good one, Thom.

- You almost here?
- Um...

no.

We're still on the train.

Just sitting here.

We hit something
on the track.

Gottfrid:
I hope they at least
killed it, yes, Thom?

Jonathan:
Okay, uh, let's talk about
the presentation...

Man on PA:
This is the last call
for 156,

Southeast Scarborough
through South Fordham.

Thom:
Here's what else happens
when you hit your 40s.

You start thinking about
"The Outlaw Josey Wales."

At least I did.

Clint Eastwood, 1976.

Josey's in this bar
when a guy walks in.

Bad guy, black hat,
cigar in his mouth.

- Hey!
- Thom: "I'm looking for
Josey Wales," he calls out.

Josey's standing
in the shadows,

hand on his pistol, says,
"Are you a bounty hunter?"

The guy turns to him
and says,

"A man's gotta do something
for a living these days."

Josey sneers,
looks at him, and says,

"Dyin' ain't
much of a living, boy."

"Dying ain't much
of a living, boy."

And then he shoots him
through the heart.

Jonathan on phone:
Great, this was a very
productive meeting.

I'm happy.
Thom, are you happy?

Gottfrid:
Did we lose him?

Maya:
I think we lost him.

Gottfrid:
Jonathan, I really think Thom

needs to get
his priorities straight.

Jonathan: Thom?
Thom, you there?

Thom?

* If you're happy
and you know it,
clap your hands *

* If you're happy and you
know it, clap your hands *

* If you're happy and you
know it, then your face
will surely show it *

* If you're happy
and you know it,
clap your hands *

* If you're happy and you
know it, clap your hands *

* If you're happy
and you know it,
clap your hands *

* If you're happy and you
know it, then your face
will surely show it *

* If you're happy
and you know it,
clap your hands *

* If you're happy and you
know it, clap your hands *

* If you're happy
and you know it,
clap your hands *

* If you're happy and you
know it, then your face
will surely show it *

* If you're happy
and you know it,
clap your hands *

* If you're happy and you
know it, clap your hands *

* If you're happy
and you know it,
clap your hands *

* If you're
happy and you know it,
then motherfucking show it *

* If you're happy
and you know it, clap your
motherfucking hands *

* If you're happy and you
know it, then your face
will surely show it *

* If you're happy
and you know it,
clap your hands! *