All language subtitles for Greys.Anatomy.S06E12.WEBRip.x264-ION10.en

[Meredith] Number one rule
of surgery is limit exposure.

[Bailey] Good.

[Meredith] Keep your hands clean,

your incisions small

and your wounds covered.

[Bailey] I've removed the tumor

and placed the catheters.

Now I'm going to flood
the abdomen with heated chemo.

It allows a greater concentration of drugs

to be delivered directly
to the affected area.

And the heat helps target the cancer cells

while leaving the normal cells
virtually unaffected.

OK, start perfusion.

[whirring]

OK, uh, we'll place him in trendelenburg.

Then reverse trendelenburg
as we agitate the abdomen,

to make sure that the chemo
really washes everywhere.

OK, she saw me. Now I can go.

She's just getting started.

Yeah, I have a headache. I need coffee.

[Ingrid Michaelson's "Everybody" playing]

I have a cure for a headache
that doesn't involve coffee.

[elevator bell dings]

♪ Happy is the heart
That still feels pain ♪

[Bailey] Good.

Oh, hey. I'm leaving.
There's a seat right there.

Oh, thanks.

♪ Swing open up your chest
And let it in ♪

♪ Everybody, everybody... ♪

[Bailey] OK. Oh, yeah.

I've never seen a hot chemo lavage before.

It's fascinating.

I thought you were leaving.

The Chief asked me
to finish out my contract,

which has a few more weeks.

[Meredith] Number two rule of surgery...

is when rule number one stops working...

Try something else...

What I said, I didn't mean.

You mean offering
to trade Owen like a horse

or a baseball card

or... or a stale peanut butter
sandwich from your lunch box.

♪ Just let the love, love, love begin ♪

- It was thoughtless...
- [Teddy] Fine.

Fine.

Cristina, let's just forget about it.

[Meredith] Because sometimes
you can't limit exposure.

Sometimes the injury is so bad

that you have to cut and cut big.

- [Meredith] No!
- [Derek] Yes!

- No. If you report him...
- [Derek] He's an alcoholic!

If you report him,
it'll be the end of his career.

You don't give people any room.

- Flaws are unacceptable to McDreamy.
- Don't "McDreamy" me.

McDreamy is being McAss.

He is an alcoholic.
How long has he been drinking?

Since the holidays?

What, do you want to take notes,
so you can show it to the board

so they can offer you his job on the spot?

You want his job.

- You know it and I know it.
- I'm the head of neurosurgery.

I have a responsibility to this hospital.

Admit you want to be Chief.

All right. You know what?
I'm done having this argument.

I'm going to the board.
I'm reporting Richard.

Post-it.

- You can't call post-it.
- I am calling post-it

because I told my secret
about my friend to my husband...

Not the head of neurosurgery,
my husband...

which I have to be able to do.

- So the laws of post-it clearly prevail.
- This is wrong.

- Post-it.
- The Chief...

Post-it.

Fine. I won't tell.

Fine.

Damn it. You just make me want to...

[cellphone beep and buzzes]

[sighs]

[beep and buzzes]

[beep]

Oh, Izzie's coming home.

I have to tell Alex.

I won't go to the board.

I won't say a word.

Just think about what I said.

OK.

Alex, Izzie's...

- coming...
- Izzie's coming?

- Home.
- [Lexie] Oh, crap.

Izzie leaves, and mark gets a kid,

and you two decide that
the best way to deal

is to get drunk and mash
your genitals together?

Look, no freakin' way you get to judge us
or give relationship advice.

Besides, you were a total dirty mistress,
like, two weeks ago.

Are we calling me dirty mistress?

That was two years ago,
and his wife didn't have cancer.

Because I've only been with,
like, six guys in my whole life.

OK, Alex and I... we've done it before.

[stammers] That was recycling.
It was, like, good for the environment.

[Alex] Izzie's gone,
I was horny, she was there.

Oh, crap. I am a dirty mistress.

Oh, God. You're gonna tell Derek,

and then Derek's gonna tell
Mark that I'm a whore.

No, I am not going to tell Derek,
and neither are you.

And you're not gonna say anything.

We are keeping our mouths shut.

Izzie is coming home.
No one needs to know.

[Izzie] Hi.

Know what?

[door opens]

[Derek] There were no sterile supplies
in the OR last night.

I heard.

Surgery came to a complete stop
for a full hour.

[Richard] Central supply and maintenance
are understaffed,

and the autoclaves
have been breaking down.

Now anything else?

Richard...

[exhales] I want to help.

[Richard] Look,
I don't need your help, Derek.

The sterilizers are up and running, so...

[Derek] Not the hospital.

You.

You stopped operating.

You're not teaching anybody but Meredith.

I'm wondering if...

If you need some help.

No shame in asking. You know that.

You can help...

by doing your own job

and letting me do mine.

Anything else?

[Derek] No.

I'm done.

[door closes]

[Izzie] So I went to the, uh,
to the trailer.

Yeah, I don't... I don't live
in the trailer anymore.

Yeah.

So...

Meredith called me and told me
you might be moving on.

- Iz...
- OK, just... [sighs] just wait.

I realize now

that I was wrong to blame you
for getting fired.

I'm sorry. It wasn't your fault. I ju...

[Alex] I don't want to have some big talk.

Look, I gotta go to work.

I have a pet-scan later,
so maybe I'll see you at the hospital?

- Is everything OK?
- [Izzie] Yeah.

Yeah, I found some residencies
with open spots and applied.

They all just want to make sure
I'm stable.

Oh.

One of them is close.

It's in Tacoma, so...

We'd be OK.

I could commute from here and...

I know that you don't want to have
some big talk, but I just can't...

Look, seriously,
I have to get to the hospital.

The place really sucks these days.

You should be happy you don't
work there anymore.

- Sorry.
- Don't be. I am happy.

I'm gonna work in Tacoma,
and it's gonna be awesome.

- You're gonna be jealous.
- [chuckles]

- [Meredith] You're operating?
- [Richard] I am.

A whipple. That's big.

[Richard] I say, go big...

or go home.

Uh, excuse me, sir?

You're... you're taking
Dr. Bailey's whipple?

[Richard] Is that a problem?

No, not at all. No, I'm...
I'm the resident on the case.

I'm thrilled to be assisting you.

I... I will be assisting you, right?

You can open.

That way, Dr. Grey will be fresh

when she dissects the neck
of the pancreas from the portal vein.

That's the hardest part.

That's a fifth-year procedure.

[Richard] It's what we've been practicing.

And I'm telling you, you're ready.

But if you don't think you're ready...

No, no. I'm ready. I'm ready.

[man singing operatic note]

[Alex] What's going on?

Hunt's got an MVC in here.

[singing continues]

- Use a hand?
- What?

Can I help?

You know what you can do first?
You can make that stop.

[singing continues]

Dude! Stop singing!

I'm tryin to get you people to understand
the seriousness of the problem.

I've lost my upper register completely.

Dr. Karev, this is Mr. Mafrici,
your consult.

I just need some antibiotics.

I open in "Tosca" in a week,

and he gave me bronchitis.

I did not give this to you.

- [Alex] Take a deep breath.
- [inhales]

He teaches piano to children.

I can hear them hacking away
during their lessons,

and then he comes in the house
and touches things.

Stop talking. He's got decreased
breath sounds on the left side.

- He's gonna need an X-ray.
- Can you take him up?

[Alex] Page an intern. I don't have time.

[sighs] Hunt took him up,
said thanks for your help.

You got time now?

[elevator bell dings]

[Mr. Mafrici resumes
singing operatic note]

[both giggle]

- Mm.
- [laughs]

[laughs]

- You're hot.
- Mm. You're hot, too.

- No, you're... "Hot" hot.
- [laughs]

Oh. OK. Thanks.

No. No, no. You have a fever.

You have a... you have a...
you have a fever.

- What is that?
- It's nothing.

- Oh, my God.
- [Callie] What?

Pox. Pox. You have chickenpox.

[gasps]

Teddy... Turns out she loves Owen

and thought she came here
to be all, you know,

"Teddy and Owen," but there's me,

and now she's all pain
and threatening to leave,

and so I told her she could have him.

What?

She's an amazing teacher, and I'm,

you know, I'm happy again,
and I'm... I'm in the OR.

And I'm feeling like myself and...
and I...

And, of course, I didn't mean it.
I mean, I love Owen. I love him.

But that means that
I don't get to have her. So...

[stuttering] Maybe I meant it?

OK, here's the thing...
you can't talk like this.

- It's, like, I get you...
- Yeah.

But other people don't,
so you can't talk like this.

I... I mean, it's... it's crazy.

It's, like, um, if you tell
someone their baby is ugly.

You know, they know it,
you know it, everybody knows it,

but you don't talk about it.

OK, but... but you're saying surgery,
right?

Gun to your head, you would
choose surgery over Derek?

I am saying don't talk about this.

- And don't talk about it to Owen.
- [elevator bell dings]

W... Oh, little Grey?

That's the world-class specialist
you wanted me to see?

OK, little Grey has had
the chickenpox vaccine.

I snooped through your personnel file.
I, on the other hand, have not,

nor did I ever have them as a child.

You're a pediatrician.
How have you never had the...

No, I am a pediatric surgeon.

I don't do little diseases
on little people.

I do big surgeries on little people.

Oh, you know what? This is ridiculous.
I'm going home.

No. No. No. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

You're not going anywhere.

You're highly contagious right now.

You leave this room,
and you're gonna touch doorknobs

and elevator buttons,
and then you'll be the outbreak monkey.

I'm going to kill you.

I love you.

Stop scratching,
'cause you're just gonna make it worse,

and then you're gonna scar.

[Izzie] I gotta get my hands
on a body again, Mer.

I think I'm gonna get
an offer from Oregon,

but I can't take it. It's too far.

I can't do that to Alex.
I gotta get this Tacoma thing.

Oh, you know what would help?

A call from Derek Shepherd,
head of neurosurgery.

- Hey.
- Hi.

[whispers] Talk to him.

Talk to me about what?

She's up a for a job in Tacoma,
and she wants you to call.

Tacoma? It isn't even ranked in top 20.

Yeah, but it's close,
and she can repair things with Alex.

Fine. Have her give me the number.

I read the board.

The Chief is doing a whipple,
and you're scrubbing in.

Well, you can stop worrying. He's fine.

[Derek] He hasn't operated in months,

and his first surgery back
is a 7-hour procedure

with a 20% complication rate.

First you were worried
that he wasn't operating.

- Now you're pissed that he is.
- I don't trust him anymore.

Meredith...

Post-it.

He's fine. He's fine.

I thought it was infection, right?
Like pneumonia?

- Oh, that's one of the possibilities.
- [Aaron] What are the others?

- Well, the fluid could also indicate...
- [Teddy] Yang.

Karev made the diagnosis. Let him talk.

Uh...

Heart failure and cancer could also cause

- this much fluid to occur.
- [Aaron] Cancer?

Would you have to remove my lung?

Aaron, he just said
cancer is only a possibility.

I sing. It's my entire life.

[man] Um... [scoffs] Besides me.

What you meant to say was that

singing was your entire life besides me.

[Bailey] You heard the Chief
is operating today?

Uh-huh.

Took my whipple

and is having Meredith Grey

do the pancreatic dissection...

A procedure that I performed
for the first time

just last year.

The Chief's judgment...

is not clear and rational.

Miranda, there's nothing I can do.

You're the only one who can.

[sighs]

[Bailey] I performed

Intraperitoneal hyperthermic
chemo this morning,

and I kept looking up into the gallery

to see if the Chief was there.

I mean, that was a big deal for me.

Anyway, he wasn't there.

And I don't know
why I thought he would show,

because the truth is...

He's gone.

And he's been gone a long time.

Arizona thought some work
might take your mind off your itching.

Scratching will take
my mind off of itching.

Take off my gauze paws.

She said that you'd say that,
and that I should say no.

So how about we start
with the tibial plateau fracture,

- room 22-40?
- [Callie] Hey.

Hey.

I'm an attending. You're a resident.

As your superior, I'm ordering
you to take them off.

She said that you would say that, too.

And technically, I'm on her service today,

so she's my boss, not you.

We have the lisfranc fracture, room 22-11.

[voice breaking] Please let me scratch,

- Just for five minutes, just for...
- No. It'll scar.

[normal voice] I don't care.
I don't care. Scars are hot.

Scars are badass. Scars are poetic.

I'm begging you, little Grey.

No, and please don't call me little Grey.

[voice breaking] I'm in pain...

"Down to the core of my being" pain,

"I'm going crazy" pain,

"Scary, will this ever go away" pain.

Do... do you get that?
Do... do... do you know what I...

Do you know what I mean
when I... when I say that?

Because this pain is
"need to scratch an itch

that I ca... I can't scratch,"

"The pain of a thousand itches,"
and it's making me crazy.

Not "funny" crazy.
This is "bad" crazy, OK?

It's dark crazy.

It's "make a suit out of someone
else's skin" crazy, OK?

- Pain, little Grey. Pain.
- I had sex with Alex.

I had sex with Alex, which I regret,

OK, completely,
because I am in love with Mark.

I didn't think.

But I'm scared that
I can't handle the daughter

and the baby and the
"Mark's gonna be a grandpa" thing.

Why are you telling me this?

I am in pain, too, is what I am saying.

I get your pain. Don't you see that?

I do feel your pain
because I am in pain, too.

[elevator bell dings]

I have pox between my butt cheeks.

Your pain does not begin
to compare to mine.

Get out.

Just out! Out! Out! Out! Out! Out!

- [whimpers]
- [Alex] What are you talking about?

She's on this thing...

[Cristina] OK, if you had to choose
between the thing you love...

Surgery... and the person you love,

- which would you choose?
- [Meredith] You would choose Izzie, right?

Because you two are gonna
get back together.

Shut up.

- Wait, why do you have to choose?
- That doesn't matter. You just do.

Which is it... surgery or love?

- I want both.
- That's what I said.

- No, you... you can't have both.
- Why the hell not?

Why the hell is he here?

I said he could be in here
because he's in the whipple, too.

[Cristina] OK, whatever.

Once again, you cannot have both.
You have to choose.

[Izzie] Choose what?

Uh, my...

My pet-scan got pushed back an hour,

so thought I'd... join you for lunch.

OK. That.

You have to give up that...

Learning the procedure,

tuning out the world until you
get it, like, you know,

doing the procedure
is the only thing that matters,

Like if you don't get to do it,
you'll die.

That's what you have to give up.

For what?

- [Cristina, Meredith and Alex] Love.
- Why?

- Yeah, that's what I said.
- OK, that's not the point.

You know you couldn't do it. You know
you'd choose the procedure.

[Meredith] Fine! If I had to choose,
gun to my head,

- I would choose surgery. OK?
- OK, well, thank you.

[Cristina] Is that so hard to say?

I don't know, why is it so bad
to say that out loud?

Because it's crazy.

- [Cristina] How... how...
- It's crazy.

- [Izzie] Surgery... it's just a job.
- Oh.

[Izzie] It's just a job. It's the thing
you come home from,

not the thing you come home to.

And if you lose your job,
you get another one,

'cause there's always another one. But...

If you lose your love...

If you think you're losing your love...

Well, then suddenly, nothing else matters.

This is what you guys
talk about during lunch?

I'm with them. Love comes and goes.

Surgery doesn't.

[pagers beeping]

[scoffs] Results are back.

You choose love.

Yes! Just did a perfect dissection
without lacerating the portal vein.

You gonna do that little fist pump
in surgery, too?

The tests showed a malignancy
on your left lung.

It's called pleural mesothelioma.

and it's a cancer that surrounds
the lining of your lung.

- So what, you... you cut out his lung?
- [Alex] Well, best-case scenario,

we won't have to remove any lung
tissue except for the tumor.

- Aaron, did you hear that? That's good.
- Jeffrey, I'm not deaf.

What's the worst-case scenario?

We get in there,
and the damage is too extensive,

and we have to remove more.

My whole lung?

[Teddy] That's the worst-case scenario.

But, yes, it is a possibility.

But it's also possible they
won't have to remove any. OK?

- So let's stay positive.
- Will you please shut up?

I can't take your cheerful little voice

shoving positive thinking down my throat

when my life is basically over.

[Teddy] People do recover
from things like this.

- And then they go on to...
- [Aaron] What?

- Go on to what?
- Live.

I won't have a lung.

I'm a singer.

So you see my problem?

You can direct. You can teach.

Like you?

I'd rather die than spend
two hours every day

listening to mediocre music majors
doing their scales.

[Teddy] I know that
this is a lot to take in,

and if you need time to talk
or get a second opinion...

I want my lung.

Dr. Altman...

I'm big...

Too big.

I don't fit in airplane seats,

and as Jeff is always telling me,

my feelings
don't always fit the situation.

If my food is overcooked in a restaurant,

I get enraged.

I want to kill the waiter.

But I don't.

I politely ask him to take my meal back

and bring it to me the way I asked for it.

I spend my days making myself smaller,

more acceptable.

And that's OK,

because at night when I go on stage,

I get to experience the world
the way I feel it...

with indescribable rage

and unbearable sadness

and huge passion.

At night, on stage,
I get to kill the waiter

and dance on his grave.

And if I can't do that...

[voice breaking] If I all I have left

is a life of making myself smaller...

Then I don't want to live.

I don't.

And believe me, honey,

you don't want me to live.

[woman speaking indistinctly over PA]

[Derek] Are you stealing sterile supplies?

I need sterile instruments.

I'm not gonna get caught
with my pants down

because this hospital can't get...

I get it.

I want to do something...

[sighs] Something I...

think is...

I have a responsibility.

But I just...

[Owen] So what's stopping you?

Meredith.

Ah.

The other half of the twisted sisters.

Is that what you call
Meredith and Cristina...

- The twisted sisters?
- Yeah.

[laughs] Well, that fits.

So this...

This thing...

I could come out of it looking, uh...

pretty bad...

Like I did it
for the wrong reasons, like I did it...

for myself.

You know, in my experience,
nobody goes into a battle

because they want to win a purple heart.

You do the right thing,

and sometimes that gets you a medal,
and sometimes

it gets you killed.

How do you know it's the right thing?

When it's the best thing
for the most people,

The thing that...
keeps the most people alive.

[scanner whirs and beep]

How you doing?

[Izzie] A little claustrophobic.

Well, focus on your breathing.
That always helps.

Alex, I have to know.

When Mer called, she said
you were moving on. Have you...

moved on?

I slept with someone.

[sighs] Damn it, Alex.

We'll get through it.

Are you still there?

[Alex] I'm right here.

Can you hold my hand
or something so I know you haven't left?

I can't reach your hand.

Oh, yeah.

I can hold your foot.

Foot is good.

[laughs]

[door opens]

[Richard] Look, Derek, I'm busy.
I have a surgery in less than an hour.

OK.

[bottle cap rattles]

You want me to drink that?

No.

But I believe you will.

I'm gonna go, and you're gonna drink it.

You're gonna try not to, but in the end...

you'll drink it.

I also believe that this won't be
the first drink you drank today.

[Cristina] This tumor is huge.
I've never seen pleura this thick.

[Alex] It's like a watermelon rind.

[Teddy] Damn it. I'm gonna have
to get rid of the lung,

and the diaphragm and the pericardium
with this tumor.

Yeah, that's... That's what I need to do.

That's what's advisable
for optimal survival.

[monitor beeping rhythmically]

But that's not what we're gonna do.

We are going to remove the visible tumor

and we are going to treat the lung with...

with intrapleural
hyperthermic chemotherapy.

All right, Karev, find out what Bailey
used in the procedure this morning,

and gather everything that I need.

Yang, you're gonna help me
remove this tumor.

[Cristina] Uh, this morning, Bailey said

the hot chemo lavage was only
indicated in abdominal surgery.

[Teddy] Well, Sugarman at the Brigham
has been researching

its applications as it applies
the pleural mesothelioma.

And he's a singer...

and he needs his lung.

[beeping continues]

[Mark] You look like hell.

Chickenpox.

Stay back. I'm contagious.

I had 'em when I was 6.

[shoes clatter on floor]

What... Oh.

Ah. Oh.

Oh. How was LA?

Well, Addison nicked
one of the uterine arteries.

But she was able to fix it.

Sloan's OK,

and the baby's gonna be OK, too.

Oh, good.

[sighs]

I slept with Addison.

- I gotta tell Lexie, right?
- No.

It's Lexie. She's so good.

- How do you lie to a girl like that?
- Lie.

- Really?
- Really.

- Really?
- Yeah.

[sighs] Oh, I hurt.

[grunts] Here.

[groans]

- I got you covered, kid.
- [laughs]

- [chuckles]
- [laughs] What are you doing?

I'm gonna help you.

Oh. Oh, my G...

Oh, my...

Oh. Ooh, that's amazing.

- No scar.
- No, keep going.

Thank you. Thank you,
thank you, thank you,

thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you, thank you.

You saved the lung, the whole lung?

Yes.

Oh, OK. Um... well, now what?

Well, now the work really begins.

This is gonna be a long recovery,
but he should be fine.

[exhales deeply] Does it make me awful to
say that I'm just slightly disappointed?

I guess I was sitting out here thinking,

now he's gonna be like the rest of us,

who teach and direct

and do all the things
he finds so demeaning.

You know what's demeaning?

Loving a man, taking care of him,

doing his shopping, making his meals,

making sure his humidifiers are clean,

'cause god forbid
his humidifiers aren't clean.

What's demeaning... is loving a man

who thinks so little of you.

[Alex] He's got an army of nurses,

so if you want to walk out
of here, you can.

We'll take care of him. You could go.

I love him.

You should hear him sing.

Nobody sings that well.

He does.

[Jackson] Yeah, see that stitch there?

You just made the dude diabetic for life.

OK, shut up. I'm trying to concentrate
until the Chief gets here.

[Bailey clears throat]
Dr. Webber apologizes.

He got caught up in some sort
of administrative something.

So let's dig in. Patient ready?

Yeah, we are all prepped and ready.
Just waiting on you.

Dr. Grey, care to open?

- Actually, I was gonna open, Dr. Bailey.
- OK, sure.

Uh, Dr. Webber was going to let me do

the pancreatic neck dissection,
so I've prepped.

I don't believe you're ready for that.

[Bailey] I'll be doing it.
You're welcome to observe.

[clears throat]

Go ahead.

[Jackson] 10-blade.

I'm sorry you didn't get
a chance to do the procedure.

Something came up. It happens.

I'm not surprised about Richard, though.

You're not a dumb person,
but right now, you're acting like one.

I am not going to turn him in.

Tacoma passed on Izzie.

I did my best.
Just too much history, too many red flags.

If I went to the board,
they'd make me Chief.

The first thing I'd do
is hire Stevens back.

It's your choice. It's up to you.

[woman speaking indistinctly over PA]

[Arizona sighs] That should be me.

Don't be jealous.

They're just friends... best friends.

I had the chickenpox,

and I told her I hadn't because...

I... I find her miraculous...

breathtakingly stunning.

Just... I can't stop looking at her.

And I was afraid,
with the ooze and the fevers

and the scratching...

I... I just... I wanted to stay
in the sexy part of things.

So I lied to my girlfriend, and now...

He makes scratching look sexy.

[Lexis] Hmm.

He makes everything look sexy.

[sighs]

So you get it.

You didn't have to do that,
but you did. You get it.

- What are you talking about?
- I choose surgery over a guy.

I'm not gonna apologize for it,
especially to you.

You didn't have to save his lung.

The right thing would've been
to remove it.

But the patient was clear

that he didn't want to live
without his gift,

and you get that.

I choose my gift.

I want to be great,
and I want to learn from you.

I choose my gift.

Hey, how'd your surgery go?

- Great.
- See? And you were all worried.

You're a rock star. Speaking of which,

do you know if Derek
has talked to Tacoma yet?

- No, I don't.
- OK, good.

'Cause I just got my scans back,
and they're really good.

And so it would be great
if he could mention

that I am officially not dying
of cancer when he talks to them.

I'm gonna get this job, Mer.

I'm gonna get this job
and I'm gonna get Alex back

and I'm gonna be myself again.
I can feel it.

OK, I'm gonna go get Derek
and show him my scans

- before he calls Tacoma.
- OK.

Uh, you know, I... I...
I'll go tell him... Derek.

And you go tell Alex.

OK.

[sighs]

OK, fine. You can go to the board.

Just...

[bell on door jingles]

Sorry. Car crash came in.
I got here as soon as I could.

Oh, that's OK.
It gave me time to get drunk.

Oh, so what's the occasion?

You know, I thought Beth was an idiot.

- I mean, if we're being honest here...
- I didn't know that we are.

I mean, maybe not an idiot,

- but just not good enough for you.
- Oh, so how long you been here?

You know, I'm sure that
it wasn't easy for her...

- Teddy...
- But do you know what she said to me once?

She said that once you guys
were married, she was done.

I mean, she was done teaching

and she was just gonna start
making babies.

and I remember thinking to myself,

wow, I mean, does Owen know
you have, like, zero ambition?

And then there's Cristina.

There's Cristina,
who is exactly the opposite.

I mean, it would actually be funny
but if it wasn't so just...

Not funny.

I mean... I get it.

She... She is beautiful

and talented and kind of amazing.

- She's right. I get her.
- OK, I'm calling you cab. Can I get a cab?

- OK? I get her.
- Come on. Let's get you home.

But she was willing to trade you...

for me.

If I stayed, she said I could have you.

♪ Oh, dear ♪

♪ Out here ♪

♪ Everybody stumbles on fear ♪

Hey.

How was your surgery?

Uh, it was good.

It was, uh, it was fine. It was...

Here. Want to see?

♪ It's only you ♪

♪ That my heart desires ♪

♪ Only you ♪

- [chuckles]
- [Alex] I'm so...

- I'm so glad.
- Hmm.

Oh. I'm so glad.

It's like it never happened.

[Alex] Yeah, but it did.

It all happened, Iz.

You got cancer, and we got married, and...

- You died and you lived again. And you...
- [laughs]

You left, then you came back.

And we got through it.

I got through it.

And I'm on the other side.

Iz, I love you so much,

And I...

till I met you,

I... I used to think
I just wasn't a good guy.

Growing up with my family,

I mean, that's what they told me.

But now...

after all of it,
I know that I'm a good man.

And I thank you for that,

because I know now

that I'm good enough
not to deserve this...

- ♪ Cut me free ♪
- ♪ So when it... ♪

Not to have to feel like this...

Not to love you so much
that I almost hate you.

♪ The one who ♪

I deserve someone who will stay.

♪ ...forever ♪

I'm happy you're OK.

And I'm happy about your job.

♪ Everybody stumbles... ♪

And I want you to go...

♪ Fear ♪

And be happy and not come back.

♪ ...If you're scared? ♪

♪ Everyone is on their own ♪

♪ Oh, dear ♪

[snores]

[groans]

[Trent Dabbs' "Your Side Now" playing]

Meredith?

♪ There you are behind
The velvet curtain ♪

♪ I am waiting outside ♪

[sighs]

[Richard] I'm sorry about the surgery.

I got caught up with paperwork and just...

[Meredith] You don't have to apologize.

You don't have to apologize for anything.

♪ ...drive home ♪

♪ It's a long drive... ♪

[Meredith] In surgery...

♪ Alone ♪

[Meredith] The healing process
begins with a cut...

♪ Don't hide, let me see it... ♪

[Meredith] An incision...

♪ From your side now ♪

[Meredith] The tearing of flesh.

♪ Let me see it from... ♪

Where have you been?

You just disappeared.

I left you, like, ten messages.

Are you drunk? Oh...

♪ All the talking as the night... ♪

Wait. What? What? What?

You make me sad.

You think that surgery
is gonna make you feel.

You think that a successful career

- is gonna make you happy.
- [speaks indistinctly]

You think you know things.
You know things,

and nothing else matters,
no one else matters.

People do matter. I matter.

We...

We matter.

♪ ...drive home ♪

♪ Don't hide ♪

♪ Let me see it from... ♪

So you don't get to toss me aside.

I won't let you.

[Meredith] We have to damage
the healthy flesh...

♪ ...from your side now ♪

♪ Don't hide ♪

[Meredith] In order
to expose the unhealthy.

♪ ...your side now ♪

[Meredith] It feels cruel...

Hey.

Hey.

Uh... How did, uh, Sloan's surgery go?

I slept with Addison.

Oh, thank God.

'Cause I slept with Alex.

Oh, I was feeling so...

Well, you know how
I was feeling... [chuckles]

Which is why this... this... this is great.

You know, we're... we're... we're even.

We... we kind of canceled each other out.

You slept with Karev?

Yeah.

While I was dealing with my sick daughter?

While I was hurting?

Uh, well, you weren't hurting.

You were sleeping with Addison.

You broke up with me, left me...

And just...

Wow.

I...

♪ Two fires, they're breathing ♪

I can't even look at you right now.

♪ Running out of air ♪

[Meredith] And against common sense.

♪ Two hearts, they're beating ♪

[Meredith] Do you know what it took
for me to make this happen?

Please tell Derek I'm really sorry.

This isn't about Derek.
It's about me. It's about us.

You don't just walk away from people.

You don't just throw people away.

I can't, Meredith. OK?
I can't be here. Please.

Please try to understand.

I have to start over.
I need to start over, OK?

♪ For you ♪

♪ For me ♪

♪ Make me a better man ♪

♪ For you ♪

♪ Oh, please ♪

Please don't go.

♪ Make me a better man ♪

This is your home.

No, it's not, not anymore.

It's just a place I worked,
and I can do that anywhere.

♪ With your eyes on my secrets ♪

♪ God knows what you'll see ♪

[Meredith] But it works.

You risk exposure...

What are you doing?
You'll... You'll get the chickenpox.

So... I get the chickenpox.

[Meredith] For the sake of healing.

♪ But don't think
What you're after is... ♪

[Meredith] And when it's over...

♪ More than I can be ♪

[Meredith] ...once the incision
has been closed...

♪ For you ♪

[Meredith] ...you wait.

Did you see him before he left?

No.

I didn't think it'd make it easier.

For him or for you?

It's the best thing for him.

You knew that.

It was the only thing.

♪ Make me a better man ♪

Well, let's not pretend
you did this for him.

It's just you and me here, Derek.

You did this for you.

In the choice between surgery and love,

you chose surgery.

- You chose ambition today.
- [Derek] So did you.

You knew he wasn't ready
to go back into the OR.

But you wanted to do that surgery
so badly, you were willing to overlook it.

♪ Make me a better man ♪

We're the same.

[Meredith] You wait...

and you hope
that your patient will heal...

That you haven't in fact...

just made everything worse.

♪ Make me a better man ♪