Original subtitles

- Whoa.

Stop.

Not this way.

Come on.

♪ Leave me to my own devices ♪

♪ I sit up at the top of the chain ♪

♪ Leave me with inanimate objects ♪

♪ And doll face staring me straight ♪

♪ Leave to me to my understanding ♪

♪ Of how a monkey turned himself into a man ♪

♪ Wearing an Indian headdress ♪

♪ I was born with a hook for a hand ♪

♪ I'll go ♪

♪ And switch ♪

♪ Leave me to my own devices ♪

♪ And my fine motor skills ♪

♪ Let me have electrical currents ♪

♪ And I find out number of times ♪

♪ Love still ♪

♪ Hung in the balance ♪

♪ I throw ♪

♪ Another switch or two ♪

♪ I know the forces at work ♪

♪ Are calling out of nowhere ♪

♪ You've got to stick with the program ♪

♪ You're a long time listener ♪

♪ First time caller ♪

♪ If I can't remember the name of your barber ♪

- I think we missed one.

- Always another zombie.

♪ Everybody down ♪

♪ Leave me at my own devices ♪

♪ And my fine motor skills ♪

♪ Leave me here to my understanding ♪

♪ Of how a man turned himself into a monkey again ♪

- Welcome to Trader Bob's.

In the interest of customer privacy and safety,

we don't use real names here at Trader Bob's.

Customers are assigned a number.

And my name isn't actually Bob.

- Morning, Bob, it's 77.

- 77, how're you living, girl?

- Hand to mouth, Bob.

Hand to mouth.

- Hey, duck down for me for a second.

Sorry about that.

So what can I do you for?

All right, all right.

Cool.

So what do you want for these?

- A 14 millimeter spark plug.

- How's it going?

- It's going.

- You a mechanic?

- No.

Unfortunately.

- Clint, here, knows a thing or two about mechanic stuff.

Ain't that right, Clint?

- A thing or two.

- You ask him nice,

he might give you his professional opinion.

- Ha.

Probably.

- No thanks.

- Suit yourself.

So tell me, you get this thing running,

you gonna start up a motocross league?

- Leaving.

I'm leaving.

- Leaving town?

- Leaving town, leaving the state.

Heck, I might even leave the country.

See what's happening in Mexico these days.

- Wait a minute.

You telling me you don't want to

spend the rest of your life,

as short as that life may be,

considering the post-apocalyptical state of things,

right here?

Who wouldn't want to live here?

It's a beautiful place.

- Alabama the beautiful.

That's what they used to call it.

- Used to?

Shit, that's what I still call it.

Alabama the beautiful.

♪ Everything ♪

♪ Up from the ground ♪

♪ Reshape me, bury ♪

♪ Everything's mapped out ♪

♪ Love is in the air ♪

♪ So much love in the air ♪

♪ Would hurt to tell him ♪

♪ Now here comes ♪

♪ Cool Johnny ♪

♪ With razor blade in his mind ♪

♪ He's got Rome in his blood ♪

♪ Rome in his blood ♪

♪ Here comes the blood ♪

♪ Here comes the blood ♪

♪ Everything's buried in the ground ♪

♪ Everything's buried in the ground ♪

♪ Should be buried in the news ♪

- Sorry, babe.

♪ There ain't no city worth living in the city ♪

♪ There ain't no city worth living in the city ♪

- Wanna mix it up, girl?

♪ There ain't no city worth living in the city ♪

- You gonna shoot here, you better do it now.

- Nah.

I want her alive.

- Run, little rabbit.

♪ There ain't no city worth living in the city ♪

♪ There ain't no city worth living in the city ♪

♪ There ain't no city worth living in the city ♪

- The boss eats first.

♪ And there ain't no city worth living in the city ♪

♪ There ain't no city ♪

- Damn straight.

♪ There ain't no city worth living in the city ♪

♪ No ♪

- What the shit?

That was a good take!

Did you not see that the red light was on?

- Yeah.

- Well the red light means tape is rolling.

Everybody knows that, right?

- Tape?

What're you guys doing?

- Recording an album.

Well, technically it's a double album.

- Where are you getting electricity?

- Solar cells up on the roof.

- Doesn't the music attract zombies?

Gangs?

- The zombies aren't really out in the daytime

and they don't like rock music, so that helps.

The only gangs out in the day

are the Zombie Eaters.

We pay them off, they leave us alone.

- What do you pay them with?

- Weed.

- Weeds?

- No, weed.

Pot.

Cannabis.

- That grows everywhere.

- That grass is weak.

We pay the eaters off with the good shit.

- So, why are you guys recording an album?

- Double album.

- Double album?

Considering everything's, well, you know.

- Anybody lucky enough to have electricity

or an old Victrola.

It's been like forever since they've got a new album.

- I guess.

- So we're laying down some new tracks.

Then one day, society's going to rebuild itself,

they're gonna find a zombie cure,

record stores are gonna start opening back up

and everybody's gonna be like,

"Yeah, these old albums are great,

"but I wanna hear something new."

- Okay.

- So boom.

That's when we release our double album.

None of the other bands have any music ready.

Zero competition.

- It's gonna be huge.

- It'll probably be the biggest thing

since Nirvana's "Nevermind."

- Here.

A couple of songs for you.

Call it an advanced single.

That statue.

That's Vulcan?

- Yeah, been Vulcan for like a hundred years.

- You know, there's an old saying.

- Yeah.

Don't bring a knife to a gunfight.

- You'd think a bunch of guys

calling themselves "The Vulcan Alliance,"

they'd at least have some Star Trek tapes around.

- I think Vulcan is the big statue.

- I know.

- You're looking for tapes?

- Looking for movies.

Tapes, DVDS.

I'd even take a laser disc.

- Laser disc?

That's probably before you time.

A laser disc is like a really big DVD.

Not to be confused with a video disc,

which was something completely different.

A very inferior format.

Just as well because I never found a video disc player.

- No,

I mean, yeah, I know what it is,

but you're not part of the alliance?

- Nope, just scavenging.

That's what you're doing, right?

- Actually,

I was trying to deliver this note.

- No way.

Your out playing the postman?

Kevin Costner would be proud.

- Look.

There's this guy.

I think it's a guy.

He's a scientist.

He's part of the Vulcan Alliance.

He's working on a vaccine for the zombie virus

or whatever it is.

They needed to do some research

in the place where it first started.

Which is Thorsby.

It's this small town.

- I know Thorsby.

- Well, once he got to Thorsby,

this guy called The Chief...

- The Chief?

Some kind of Indian?

- No idea.

Anyway, the Chief is holding the scientist prisoner

and he's gonna kill him on November the 20th.

- That's the 10th anniversary.

- Of?

- Of this.

The zombie plague.

The end of the world.

Whatever you want to call it.

- Really?

- Yeah, I killed one of the first zombies that morning

in my video store.

Chuck's Super Video World?

No?

Anyway, it all went downhill from there.

Except for Auburn winning the Iron Bowl,

that was pretty sweet.

The 20th?

That's today, right?

No, tomorrow?

Wait, 2012 was a leap year.

- We should rescue this guy.

- What?

- The scientist.

We should rescue him.

His Vulcan Alliance buddies certainly aren't gonna do it.

- Because I'm looting the place he used to live,

I'm supposed to lead a rescue mission?

- You don't have to lead it.

- Where'd you get this note?

- It was in a bottle

on a rope,

tied to a zombie.

- I'm not rescuing anybody.

- But he's working on a vaccine.

- Allegedly.

If this Chief character hasn't gotten antsy

and killed him already.

Assuming that's a note written by a real person.

- Fine.

I'll go rescue him by myself.

- You're just gonna take your little knife,

walk to Thorsby and infiltrate?

- You don't think that's a good plan?

- No, that's a terrible plan.

One that's likely to get you killed

before you get anywhere near Thorsby.

Hey, good luck with that.

Look, I'm not going to Thorsby because I'm not suicidal.

But I can give you a ride as far as my place,

maybe scrounge up a gun and some ammo.

Might keep you alive an extra hour or two.

- You have a horse?

- Yep.

- Way out in the woods?

- Can't leave a horse out in the open in a bad part of town.

Which is really any part of town.

Horse is worth its wait in,

I don't know.

- Ammunition?

- Maybe not that much.

- Can I pet her?

- Him.

Yes, you can pet this handsome fellow.

I'm Chuck, by the way.

Didn't catch your handle.

- I'd rather not say.

- Girl with no name.

Cool.

- You're not gonna take me back to your place and kill me.

It's just that most everybody I meed these days

wants to kill me or eat me.

- Two minutes ago you invited me on a road trip.

- Rescue mission.

- And now you're getting cautious?

- Sorry.

I'm impulsive sometimes.

- If I wanted to kill you, I would've shot you

back at the gift shop.

I don't need that kind of mess at my house.

You're not gonna stab me in the back, are you?

Let's go. Come on.

- So you call it the Zombie Apocalypse?

- Yeah.

I think I got that from DJ Dan.

- How about Zombie Armageddon?

- Armageddon implies and epic battle

between good and evil.

- Humans vs. Zombies.

- Zombies aren't evil.

They're just dumb.

Calling this situation Armageddon

is almost as bad as calling a movie

about people fighting a giant space rock "Armageddon."

Which happened.

- Better than "Deep Impact."

I mean, the porn parody of "Deep Impact" would be called

"Deep Impact."

- Yeah, but it's fairly accurate.

You know, there's a Sam Neil movie

that's sorta about Armageddon.

- Is it called "Armageddon?"

- No, it's called

"The Omen III: The Final Conflict."

- Which is an awesome name for a movie.

- Totally.

- You are really into movies.

Guess that explains your Clint Eastwood meets

Maynard G. Krebs look.

- Nice reference.

So you know westerns

and you know Nick at Nite.

Careful.

I might fall in love with you.

- Be still my heart.

- Beer?

- Yeah.

Home brew.

Not very good, but drinkable.

- So you watch TV with a generator.

But you don't have a fridge.

- I can drink warm beer.

Gotta save the electricity for copying movies.

- You're copying the movies?

- Somebody's gotta preserve the art form

for future generations.

If there are any future generations.

- "Starship Troopers" is art?

- As a matter of fact, it's a cutting satire

of America's imperialistic foreign policy.

Plus, bonus, Dina Meyer does a couple of topless scenes.

- Yeah, well,

it seems like if you're trying to preserve culture,

there are more important things you could be collecting.

- I'm supposed to save everything myself?

I guarantee you,

there's some guy hold in a library somewhere,

making sure all the books are safe.

Somewhere else, someone's in a museum,

looking after all the paintings and statues and shit.

This is my part.

Oh, speaking of missions.

Want a beer before you head out on yours?

- So you honestly think this isn't worth trying?

- Worth it for what?

- For doing something.

For making things better,

or at least stopping them from getting any worse.

You can't just watch movies and wait it out.

- Oh yes I can.

Technically, not a zombie film,

but makes a relatable point.

See, the infected in that film,

they're just these rage monsters.

Don't eat, don't take care of themselves.

So it's reasoned, eventually they'll starve and die.

Similarly, zombies are dead.

They don't have blood flow, circulation.

They eat but they don't get any nutrition

or anything from it,

so they're just walking meat.

And meat will eventually rot.

So, yes, I can wait it out.

- Let me get this straight.

Your plan for surviving the zombie plague

is based on a movie

that's not even about zombies.

- Well, if you say it like that.

Shit!

- You got some kind of emergency exit out of here?

- Oh yeah, it's just like the Bat Cave.

You go down the tunnel to the fake "Road Closed" barricade

and from there is 14 miles to Gotham City.

- So you don't.

- I never need an emergency exit

because no one ever found this place before.

Til I brought you here.

Okay.

Go hide behind the steps over there,

I'll draw their fire.

If you see a chance to break up the steps and get out,

take it!

Go!

Wait.

Let me have that beer.

- Man, are you okay?

- Damn.

- Shit, Jim, he bit me.

- Well, it's a hell of a place for a shootout.

- You can still cut my arm off.

It's not too late.

- What happened?

One of your guys go zombie on you?

- Occupational hazard.

How about you just let us take the girl?

- Oh yeah and you'll let me live.

- No, but we'll kill you quickly

and painless.

- No girls here.

Except for you sorry bitches.

- Let's take this asshole back to the warehouse.

Clint, you coming?

- In a minute.

- You son of a bitch!

You killed my man.

- What?

- I can't wait to see you die a slow and painful death.

- Look.

Ouch.

- All right, man, you got me.

- Afraid you're right.

I mean, except for the "man" part.

What's your name, cowboy?

- Lee.

- As in Robert E.?

- I'm not a fan of the general, myself.

I like Lee Majors.

He played the Six Million Dollar Man on the TV.

- All right, Lee-like-Majors,

it's time to take me to your friend's warehouse

so I can rescue my friend.

- I ain't got no friends in there.

- You're not with the Zombie Eaters?

- Before you got the drop on me,

I was gonna blow up that warehouse.

- Like with dynamite or something?

- Semtex.

- Oh.

But you can't.

They've got Chuck in there.

- Am I supposed to know who Chuck is?

- He's my friend.

Well, I guess he's more of an acquaintance.

- How'd you find this place?

- When Chuck got captured by the Zombie Eaters

I followed them back here.

- How many people did you follow?

- Like Chuck and two Zombie Eaters.

- Don't you think it would've been smart

for you to try and rescue your friend

when it was just you and him against a couple them Eaters?

- I guess so.

How many people are in the warehouse?

- I don't know.

A couple hundred?

- Oh.

- Hello?

- So,

heard you killed Barry and Jake.

- Sister, I haven't killed anybody.

At least, not recently.

- Oh, so your girlfriend killed them then?

- Killed who?

The guys who broke into my place, tried to shoot me

and destroyed by laser disc player?

- Laser disc?

- Yeah, it's like a big...

Nevermind.

Look, one of those guys turned into a zombie

while he was trying to shoot me.

- Occupational hazard.

- Yeah, you guys need a knew hobby.

Anyway, your guys shot the guy who turned into a zombie

and the guy who got bit by a zombie.

Now how is any of that my fault?

- Because none of this would've happened

of it wasn't for your slut, whore girlfriend.

- I don't have a girlfriend.

And no, I'm not looking for a girlfriend,

so you crazy bitches stay off my junk.

- So you got a plan?

- I plan on blowing the place up.

I thought you had a plan to rescue what's-his-name.

- Chuck.

These guys must've really pissed you off.

I mean, they pissed me off.

I wasn't gonna blow their whole warehouse up.

- Blowing up the warehouse ain't nothing personal.

I'm on a job.

Official militia business.

- So you're in a militia?

- I'm in the militia.

- Welcome to the show!

All right! All right!

In this corner,

three time fight night champion,

we found him wandering in a graveyard

in West Blocton, Alabama.

You may not know him,

but around here we like to call him,

Hungry Jack!

And the challenger.

The new meat.

- Meat! Meat!

Meat! Meat! Meat!

Meat! Meat! Meat!

- What's your name, buddy?

- Go eat a dick.

- How about we just eat your brains

as my boy Jack, here,

jacks your shit up!

You all know the rules.

No weapons.

Mono-e-mono.

Tooth and nail.

Winner gets to fight again.

Loser gets eaten.

Y'all ready?

- Sure.

Guess it was just a matter of time

before shit got all "Thunderdome."

- Yummy.

I'll definitely be rooting for the zombie.

- Put a shirt on.

- Let's get it on!

- Centrifugal force, shit heads.

I can do this all night.

- All right!

Everybody get your hands up!

- Ow, shit.

- I said everybody get your hands up.

Not most of you get your hands up.

- All right, everybody.

Unless my math is off,

there's one guy up there with a rifle.

There's a bunch of us down here.

Now if we...

- That's Semtex plastic explosive.

I got planted all over the building.

- That right there, son, is a horse of a different color.

Everybody be cool.

- You're no Dina Meyer.

- All right, come on.

Should be an entrance to the sewers downstairs.

- Should be?

- All right, I need three things.

First,

I need some morphine

because this gunshot hurts like a bitch.

Second,

I need someone to look around the building

for plastic explosives

to make sure we don't blow up.

- And?

- And what?

- You said you needed three things.

What's the third thing?

- That somebody should go after those people.

They're getting away.

Do I really have to say that out loud?

- Door won't open.

- Well, damn it, Larry,

maybe you ought to push a little harder.

- Hey.

Where's my horse?

- Tied up outside the warehouse.

- Damn it.

- Hold them off.

♪ I'm under the radar screen ♪

♪ I believe we're so close to the ground ♪

♪ Now I am not seen ♪

♪ No one willing to discover me ♪

♪ Trudging through the dark, unseen ♪

♪ And the cloud that cling to me ♪

- So you been in a lot of shootouts?

- What? Like today?

♪ He sinks so much he's underground ♪

- Can we blowup the warehouse now?

- No.

My horse is still up there.

♪ I guess he's one of them ♪

♪ Never looks a little dirty ♪

♪ We're under the radar screen ♪

♪ We are the brains ♪

♪ No, we won't be seen ♪

♪ Should we get to ask for more ♪

- Where's the other one at?

- Y'all back up!

That oughta slow them down.

- No shit.

- As much as I like looking at your ass,

do you mind hurrying up with that?

- Wait a minute.

- What?

- Is morphine topical?

- What the hell are you talking about?

- If it's topical, it has to be injected

close to the injury site.

If it's general...

- If it's all right with you, Trina,

I'm just going way of the side of caution.

- All right.

That oughta do it.

- Thanks, Lee.

- Lee?

I thought I recognized you.

- It's Chuck, from Chuck's Super Video World in Thorsby.

You used to come in all the time and rent

those "In Search Of" bootlegs.

- That's right.

Small world.

- Yeah, smaller now than ever.

- Don't believe I caught your name, ma'am.

- She doesn't like to say.

She's all mysterious and shit.

- I rescued you.

You have to join me on my mission now.

You owe me one.

- Not really.

It was your fault I got captured in the first place.

- Maybe.

- Maybe definitely.

But I'm going to Thorsby with you.

Not on a rescue mission.

But I need to go to my old video store

and get a laser disc player.

The one I had got shot to shit.

Also your fault.

- Mission?

- It's a mission to save the world.

Wanna come with?

Lee?

Are those cheesy bunnies?

- Yeah.

You want one?

- Yes I want one.

Oh man, that is so good.

Where did you find cheesy bunnies?

- I've been rationing those out.

You know, those are hard to come by?

What's this mission?

- They got away.

- You're shitting me.

- They made it to the sewers.

Some of out guys almost got up with them

and then they started throwing more explosives

and blew up the sewer tunnel.

- I underestimated this bitch.

- After reading this,

I got a pretty good idea as to her next move.

- She's trying to save this guy?

From the Chief?

- Looks that way.

- We gotta head her off at the pass.

The Chief, crazy as that son of a bitch is,

he'll kill her sure as shit.

And I wanna kill her.

- Is there a man called the Chief involved?

- As a matter of fact, there is.

- Damn.

Thought I was done with that place.

Looks like I'm going back to Thorsby.

- Don't you even think about smoking in my car.

- Science man.

Science man.

- What?

- Sit up, science man.

- I have a name.

- Tell me your story again, science man.

- I came to Thorsby to look for a vaccine.

- For zombieism.

- Zombieism?

- That's what they call it, right?

- Actually.

Yeah.

Zombieism.

- And you got some sort of PHD in zombieism.

So you're qualified to look for a cure.

- Before the event,

I was a research assistant in a microbiology lab,

as I've told you countless times.

I'm not looking for a cure.

You can't cure dead.

But a vaccine.

- Your bullshit is consistent, I'll give you that.

- It's not bullshit.

It's the truth.

Hence, the consistency.

- So you still think

little green men are responsible for all this.

- I can't speak to any men,

but I have a theory

and I believe it is sound.

My theory is

there's a complex microorganism.

It's so complex, it's biomechanical in nature.

And yes,

extraterrestrial.

It commandeers the human body.

It affect the nervous system and the digestive system.

And it kills the person.

It turns him or her...

- Federal government is to blame for zombieism

and the destruction of this great country.

You are a spy

working for that same federal government.

- I hate to interrupt you delusional fantasy, Chief,

but the US Federal Government has gone the way

of the t-rex and the passenger pigeon.

- I ain't no science man, like you

but I figured out how to cure a zombie

a long time ago.

Looks cured to me.

What do you think?

- I swear, Lee, you are the man.

Where do you find all this stuff?

- Just gotta know where to look.

- Where does he keep it all? That's what I'm wondering.

- You think we should've eaten these cold though.

I mean, is it dangerous?

Won't the fire attract zombies?

- No.

At night, zombies are attracted to artificial light.

Like flashlights and whatnot.

They stay away from fire light.

Like a primal instinct or something.

They know it's dangerous.

- Kinda makes you wounder, doesn't it?

- Nope.

- Is he always like that?

- I just know where this conversation's going.

I heard it a hundred times when this all started

and before that, I saw it in every zombie movie ever made.

It's the "what does this all mean" conversation.

How do zombies reflect on us as a society?

Let me skip to the end to save time.

They don't.

Zombies doesn't mean shit.

They're walking sacks or rotting meat

that some virus or whatever jump started.

That's it.

End of story.

- That's what we tell ourselves,

but we act like the zombies are these alien creatures.

What if they're just us at our most basic animal level?

- It's like I'm not even here.

- Yeah, we could say that it's because

they're dead or diseased or whatever,

but think about the way people still living

reacted to what was happening.

How quickly everything fell apart.

I don't know.

My dad, he was this survivalist type

before everything happened

and he used to say people were not meant to live

as the civilized creatures we pretend to be.

He wanted to be prepared for when it all went to shit.

- I knew a guy like that, once.

- I always thought he was excentric,

but maybe he was right.

- Based on what?

Those Zombie Eater assholes?

- They weren't the only ones that went off the deep end

when things got bad.

We used to hear all sorts of stories

over the shortwave radio.

There were these skinheads in Virginia.

They thought the zombie virus was God's plague

to wipe out the non-white population in America.

They started rounding up zombies, putting them in trucks

and driving them into urban centers

and places with large ethnic populations.

- That's terrible.

- Of course, it didn't work out too well.

Most of them got eat while trying to round up the zombies.

These were skinheads.

They weren't exactly the brightest.

- Like over in Georgia.

People whining and fighting with each other so much

over trivial matters.

So much so,

you wouldn't even know zombies were still around.

- So what does that prove?

That some people handled apocalyptic situations badly?

No shit.

That doesn't negate hundreds of years of human civilization.

For every group of nuts you guys throw out,

I could bring up "The Godfather" or "Solaris"

or "The Thing."

Or the Sistine Chapel or all the art in the the Louvre.

- As much as I hate to do it,

I'm gonna agree with Chuck on this one.

World gets turned upside down.

Some people make bad decisions.

- Son of a bitch, I'm sick of this road.

- Then get on another road.

- I'm sick of all these roads.

- Yeah, me too.

But I love this crank.

Crank, crank, crank, crank.

Hey man, look out for that!

- I'm sick of these zombies too.

- Shit man, what you gonna do?

All dark out here.

Zombies love the light.

Shit man.

Zombie road out here tonight.

Why you slowing down?

Shit man, run over them damn things.

- No man, that'd be like running into a brick wall.

Lock the door.

- Turn off your headlights.

- Somebody say something?

- Yeah man, he said turn off your lights.

Yeah man, turn them off.

Cut your engine off too.

Take your foot off the break.

- Roll down your windows.

Give Chuck your keys.

Hands and guns on the dashboard.

- Didn't y'all just save us from those zombies?

- We did most of the work.

But yeah.

- Now you're gonna steal our truck.

- Such as the complex morality of life

in a post-apocalyptic wasteland.

- I wouldn't really call it a wasteland.

More of a dystopia.

- You think?

- Since y'all did us a favor,

I'm gonna give y'all a piece of friendly advice.

Let us be on our way,

y'all can carjack the next poor sons of bitches

that happen to come down this road.

- Why would we wanna do that?

- Well missy, we work for the Chief of Thorsby.

Steal this truck, you're stealing from the Chief.

And he's been known to hold a grudge

against such transgressions.

Let me give you some friendly advice.

Tell us everything you know

about the whereabouts of the Chief and the scientist

and Lee, here, won't torture you.

- I ain't torturing nobody.

Information gained from torture is generally unreliable.

- Don't look at me.

- Go ahead.

Y'all take the truck.

As for your information,

the Chief's at the powerhouse.

He's always at the powerhouse.

Everybody knows that.

When y'all find him,

you're gonna get your asses handed to him anyway.

So y'all have fun.

Come on, Ice Man.

- Who's your friend?

- Some poor zombie.

His brains are over there on the wall,

courtesy of the Chief.

- You know, you're slated for execution, right?

- Yeah.

- Why does the Chief want to kill you?

- He thinks I'm a spy for the Federal Government.

At least, that's what he says.

Or maybe he's just a homicidal asshole.

The scars,

where'd you get those from?

- You know,

old war wounds.

Mostly zombie bites.

- You're immune?

- Apparently.

I was the unwilling subject of some experiments.

- Who performed these experiments?

- They weren't local.

- Like Atlanta or D.C.?

- Less local than that.

Like, from another planet.

- So my theory is right.

The virus is extraterrestrial.

- Maybe.

It's been so long.

A vaccine, it could be inside you.

- You should leave.

- Yeah, I'd love to but...

- I hope everybody out there

is having a good Wednesday night

or at least isn't being eaten alive by an undead ghoul.

Anyway, here's to more music for the wasteland,

courtesy of your old pal, DJ Dan.

- See?

DJ Dan calls it a wasteland.

- You guys know anything about DJ Dan?

- I don't listen to him much.

I'm more of a country western fan.

- Where do you think he gets the electricity

to run his radio station?

He couldn't be doing all that from a generator.

- Not likely, considering his broadcast range.

- So maybe he gets some of his electricity

from the Chief's powerhouse somehow?

- Closest radio tower to Thorsby that I know of.

He was right there.

- So we're just knocking on the front door?

- Hold on, I'm coming!

- You're not gonna shoot me, are you?

- No.

- Here you go.

You kids be careful out there.

- Wait!

We didn't come here for autographs.

- Then why did you come here?

- Where do you get the electricity for your radio station?

- The Chief didn't send you, did he?

- No, but that's kind of why we're here.

Can you tell us anything about the Thorsby powerhouse?

- I can tell you all kinds of shit

about the Thorsby powerhouse.

What's in it for me?

- What?

- Pay to play, baby.

- You can't be serious.

- Come on, let's get out of here.

- Wait.

Dan,

how would you like some new music?

- What?

You're gonna sing me some acapella new-folk bullshit?

- No.

I'm talking about an honest to goodness new rock song.

Drums, guitar, the whole nine yards.

♪ She said ♪

♪ Why ♪

♪ Why have I been doing this ♪

- You guys have been working on an album?

- Double album, technically.

♪ For all my dirty love ♪

♪ For all the lies I've broken down ♪

- I'm thinking blessings is real.

♪ Evidence is found, evidence destroyed ♪

♪ Out with the trash ♪

♪ Just swept them to the void ♪

♪ It buried beneath that hide ♪

- Okay.

Security at the powerhouse

is actually pretty slack.

I mean, everybody that works there

is tweaked up on meth and packing heat,

but there aren't that many designated security guards.

All right, this is the main entrance.

Probably a guard there.

Over here

is the watch tower.

There'll be a sniper up top with a spotlight.

However,

there is an entrance back here

that they never guard.

Don't they just lock that door?

- Well the door is old and busted up.

It won't close.

I mean, conceivably they could've fixed it by now

but I doubt it.

I would start there.

Just go in, take the stairs all the way down.

They keep people locked up down there.

That's where I did my stint.

- This is gonna be easier than I thought.

- Oh yeah, walk in the park.

- Look, it's not Alcatraz.

Just be cool.

Act like you're supposed to be there.

Likely as not, you better go in and out

before anybody even notices.

- Three zombies.

North side.

I'll take care of them.

- Drop your gun.

And you take off running that way, fast.

And maybe if you run fast enough,

I won't shoot you in the back.

- The old police station?

Looks different.

- This is where Chief first set up base.

Built that fence and stuff.

Wait, wait,

How did you know...

- Okay.

This will work.

You two get back in the truck, get on that road,

head a few more miles down that way,

you're gonna come up in the woods behind the powerhouse.

You should be able to sneak in on foot from there.

- Sounds like a plan.

- Wait,

what do you mean, "you two?"

Where are you going?

- About another mile that way.

Which sucks for me,

I've gotta go through the middle of town

to get to my old video store.

- You were serious about that?

You're going after that video disc player?

- Laser disc player.

Remember?

- I can't believe you!

We are this close to finally putting an end

to all this insanity...

- We're not this close to anything!

Except maybe another shootout

with another gang of psychopaths.

Why don't you two forget all this action and adventure?

Let's get back in the truck, go get that laser disc player

and head back to my place.

We'll watch some movies, I'll make popcorn.

It'll be fun.

- Oh yes!

We'll put your stupid "28 Days Later" plan into action.

We'll just watch movies and wait it out.

- "28 Days Later" ain't a zombie movie.

- I know that.

- When bad men combine, the good must associate

or else they'll fall one by one.

An unpitied sacrifice in a contemptible struggle.

- What?

- Waiting it out is a bad plan!

- Well, it's better than...

- Chuck!

Me and Lee, we're doing this.

- Fine.

Nice knowing you.

Thanks for the ride.

- Come on.

- I'm counting one dead zombie

and zero scientist.

- Yeah?

- Clint, there is not a sufficient enough cuss word

to express how mad I am right now.

How the hell did she get in here

and break this guy out already?

- You know what I'm thinking?

The Chief jumped the gun and executed this fella early

and the bitch don't know that.

All we gotta do is sit tight.

She'll walk right through this door.

- And that's what you were thinking?

- Yeah.

- What dumb bastard told you it was a good idea

for you to start thinking?

I swear, today has just been one straight up shit show.

- Oh, I don't know, Jim.

Things just might be looking up.

♪ If you're good, if you're fine ♪

♪ If you're feeling all right ♪

♪ There's no need that I did ♪

♪ If you breathe, you're alive ♪

♪ You've got something inside ♪

♪ And you can feel it growing ♪

♪ Just shout, shout it out ♪

♪ Just shout, shout it out ♪

♪ Just shout, shout it out ♪

♪ Just shout, shout it out ♪

♪ Just shout, shout it out ♪

- Think this is necessary?

- Get down! You wanna get seen?

- DJ Dan said they don't guard this part.

- I'm not sure taking advice from DJ

on how to conduct a military opp is the best plan.

- Okay.

Fine.

Down on the ground.

- All right, there's the door he mentioned.

It's clear.

It's open.

Probably chained from the inside, though.

- Only one way to find out.

Come on.

- You son of a bitch.

- More of a throat cutting,

but you're right.

Momma was a bitch.

Guess you want an explanation before you choke to death

on your own blood.

I've observed your leadership skills during this

shit show of a day, as you put it.

And I found your skills to be lacking.

You were outsmarted at every turn

by one stupid, worthless bitch.

And that's not good, Jim.

That's not good at all.

You're not fit to lead here.

Not in these savage times.

So I have relieved you of that burden.

- Fuck you.

- You are welcome.

And thanks for the ride.

Speaking of.

Let's go see about this Chief.

- Ha!

See?

Piece of cake.

- Please! Please!

- You alone?

- I'm sorry.

Sorry, just take me back to my cell.

Don't tell him I tried to escape.

- Escape?

You're not one of the Chief's men?

- No.

I'm a prisoner.

Aren't you two with the Chief?

- We're here to rescue a scientist

the Chief is holding hostage.

A scientist who's working on a vaccine for the zombie virus.

- Rescue?

My note!

You got my note?

I can't believe that shit worked.

- You're the scientist?

- Yes.

- That was easy.

- Thank you!

Thank you so much!

Thank you! Thank you!

So, which way?

How do we get out of here?

- We've got a truck back in the woods.

But did you find it?

The cure?

I mean, the vaccine?

- No.

Sorry, I mean I barely made it into town

before I got captured.

I didn't really have the opportunity.

- So...

All this...

All this for nothing.

- There's always a long shot.

We found him alive.

That's something.

- Strangely enough,

I did discover something during my stay here

that may provide some insight to a vaccine.

- What?

- There's a woman,

inside.

I don't know if she's with the Chief

or a prisoner or what.

She's the one who freed me.

Apparently she's immune to the virus.

So maybe there's a way to synthesize a cure

from her blood.

- We gotta find her!

- "Your plan is stupid.

"Your plan is so stupid.

"You should follow my brilliant plan

"and fight a whole army, single-handedly,

"with just a knife."

This coming from the woman who would've been dead

or zombiefied within 10 minutes after she left Vulcan

if I hadn't helped her.

But no, I'm the one who's stupid.

Thank God.

- Do you need a ride, boy?

- Shit!

- He's got a gun!

- Idiots.

How about that?

I wondered what happened to those.

Nice.

That's all right.

Yes.

Totally forgot I had this.

Pre-Lucas meddling.

Oh shut up, Han Solo.

Holy Sam Peckinpah's "Wild Bunch."

- So this isn't some run-of-the-mill zombie virus?

You think it was released deliberately by aliens.

As in from outer space.

- Yes.

- Crazy.

Extraterrestrial biological warfare?

It's like War of the World in reverse.

- Maybe.

But why would they make this one woman immune?

Did they make anybody else immune?

- Is it that room ahead?

- Yeah.

That's the cell.

But I don't think that woman was a prisoner.

- Gotta start somewhere.

Let's go.

- This guy wasn't here before.

- Look here!

It's that Zombie Eater fella that's been after you.

- What's he doing here?

- I don't like this one bit.

- Hey!

Do not move.

I see you, big boy, with that gun.

You think that scares me?

You're probably thinking that you could pluck me off

from where you stand.

You know what, you may just be right.

But the moment you do, my buddy out here has a grenade.

He's gonna throw it in there

and that's gonna be the end of all of you.

- That's right.

- So let me tell you how this goes.

You're gonna drop that gun and slide it out here

and you and your buddy,

we're all gonna go have a talk with the Chief.

You too, sweetheart.

Why don't you drop that gun

and take that pig-sticker off your leg.

- Hold them there.

- He shot Mike out of the tower.

We don't even know what they did with Tim.

We still can't find him.

We caught them downstairs trying to free the prisoner.

But we got them.

- How about that, science man?

I guess you were a little more important

to your government friends than you let on.

Just like I said.

Rodney?

- Yes sir, Chief.

- It's after midnight.

That makes today the 20th, right?

- Uh.

See now, I get confused.

Was last year leap year?

- Close enough!

Take him.

- Wait, we haven't shot anybody.

Not here, anyway.

And we aren't with the government.

We aren't with anyone.

- So you're just out

rescuing people for fun?

- I just wanted to find out if he found the vaccine

for the zombie virus.

- Oh.

So how did you know to look for him here?

- He sent a message.

- Message?

- A note.

In a bottle.

Tied around a zombie's neck.

Okay, I know how that sounds.

- That sounds delightful.

You are good.

Your stories are almost better than the science man's.

- This Cheif's a bigger asshole than I first thought.

- I don't remember giving you permission to speak, zombie!

- All right, science guy,

under authority of the chief

in the interest of protecting

the sovereign community of Thorsby,

I hereby...

- Yeah, yeah, so on and so forth.

- Damn it!

What is wrong with you?

That man was just doing what he could

to put an end to this mess!

He wasn't part of some conspiracy

and neither are we.

We don't give a damn about you!

- You have a kind face.

Reminds me of someone I knew a long time ago.

Makes me feel...

I almost wanna believe you.

But then it was you who brought that zombie

into my powerhouse.

- What're you talking about?

How many zombies you know can carry on a conversation?

- I saw you die.

With my own two eyes.

I saw you die.

- Keith!

- Lee!

- Dad?

- What?

- What?

- Dad.

It's me.

Natalie.

- No.

No, that's not possible.

- Yes, dad, it is.

It's me.

I didn't die in the car wreck.

Hanna?

My sister, Hanna, your daughter?

She was infected.

Turning into a zombie

she bit you.

You were driving, you lost control of the car.

We wrecked.

I thought everyone in the car was either dead or a zombie.

I was scared.

So I ran away.

- Natalie.

I had no idea.

- Wait, how are you still alive?

I cut out the infection before it spread.

But how did you survive

alone all this time?

- You taught me how to survive, remember?

I never thought...

I never imagined...

Not in my wildest dreams I'd ever see you again.

Oh Natalie.

I'm sorry, sweetheart.

- It's not your fault.

You didn't know.

- But I do know.

That's why I'm sorry.

- No!

- Had to be done.

- Why?

- He was part of it, Natalie.

He came here to destroy me and everything I've built here.

They can't stand that we don't need them.

That we can survive on our own

without them trying to control us.

- Who?

- The Federal Government!

I know all about that one.

Spying on me.

Before all this zombie shit started.

Pretending to by my friend.

Not anymore.

Fortunately,

my new deputy told me all about you two

before you arrived.

- Hey there, little rabbit.

- Dad.

No.

- So the Chief is your old man.

I did not see that coming.

- Dad,

listen to me.

This guy,

he's not your friend.

He's nuts.

He's with this gang, they're all nuts.

They eat zombies.

- I'll trust a Zombie Eat over a government sympathizer

any day of the week.

- Trust him?

Over your friend?

Over your own daughter?

You have lost your shit.

- So you too.

They turned you against me just like they did your mother.

- What?

Mom adored you.

She loved you more than...

- Agents of the Federal Government.

- Dad, stop it!

Just stop it!

- I hate to interrupt this family reunion,

but I got business of my own to get to.

Chief?

Nice working with you.

- Dad!

- Oh.

Keep it together.

Please.

Until two minutes ago,

you thought your daddy was long dead.

Don't get all bent out of shape about it now.

You said yourself,

he was gone.

- Rot in hell, you crazy son of a bitch.

- Oh, I'm not crazy.

Just making a few changes.

Enough with the Chief and his deputy and all that shit.

He was thinking too small.

He had all this power.

Electricity.

Actual power.

And he had the crystal meth.

Some people will do almost anything

for some good crank.

Forget about a chief.

What this place needs is a monarchy

and darling, you are looking at the new king of Thorsby.

King!

What you say, darling?

You wanna be my queen?

- I'm going to kill you.

- I'm gonna take that as a no.

That's too bad.

Looks like you're all out of running, little rabbit.

- Yeehaw, bitch.

- This clown again?

They killed the Chief.

Get up here now.

- Damn.

- Stay there.

- You think?

- Lee!

Come on!

Come on.

- Get him up, let's move.

- No need.

You two go on.

- We're not leaving you.

We can get you out of here.

- And do what?

Run me by the hospital?

I'm stabbed in the gut.

My good leg's all busted up.

I'm done for, Natalie.

- You told him your name?

- Lee.

I'm sorry.

I don't know what else to say.

- You ain't got nothing to be sorry for.

We both had our mission.

Now I gotta finish mine.

Go on.

I'll give y'all fine minutes to get out of here.

- Take it easy, Lee.

- Take it however I can get it.

- We gotta move.

- These are for you.

Now go!

- Rammer jammer yellow hammer.

Give em' hell.

- Thank you

for coming back.

- Watching movies by yourself gets kinda dull.

It's better with friends.

- Know any place we can get a drink?

Could really use a drink.

- Whisky and some questionable home brew.

- That'll work.

- Wow.

So that happened.

- Lady, are you out to get shot?

- No.

That's why I left when I heard the gunfire.

- Are you one of my dad...

one of the Chief's people?

- No, not really.

He saved my life a long time ago, so I stuck around.

I felt obligated.

Lately he's been really

difficult.

- Saved your life?

Were you with a car accident with him 10 years ago?

- Yeah.

How'd you know?

- I recognize you.

You were in the car with us.

The aliens?

That means you were the one the scientist was talking about.

You're immune to the zombie virus.

- That's me.

- I can't believe we found you.

Do you know what this means?

- Obviously I missed a lot while I was gone, so no.

All right,

technically, yes, you were right and I was wrong.

But really, we didn't find what you were looking for.

We just found her.

No offense.

The scientist is dead, right?

So to complete your mission,

we would have to find another scientist

with a lab set up somewhere

so he could synthesize a vaccine from her blood.

We're a long way from a home run here.

- Not letting you raid on my parade.

After all the horrible shit that's happened today,

one good thing happening is giving me hope

and I'm hanging on to it.

What're you doing?

Just run them over.

- If it's all the same to you,

I have seen enough carnage to last me through a week.

Hell, for a year.

I'm just gonna let him walk away

and I'll drive around

and what the hell is that noise?

- Oh no.

They're back.

- Who's back?

- Aliens.

- Oh no.

Are we about to get abducted?

I do not want to get probed.

- I don't think we're getting abducted.

- What just happened?

- Did they just switch the zombies off?

- Is that it?

Is their experiment or whatever over?

- Oh no.

You said 10 years.

10 years since the car wreck.

That means it's been 10 years since this all started.

- 10 years to the day.

What does that matter?

- Phase 2.

- Phase 2?

What is phase 2?

- I'm guessing maybe

zombie werewolves?

- You've got to be kidding.

- That is it!

I quit!

I am going back to my place to watch movies.

Screw these aliens.

♪ Lordy could've sent a fold ♪

♪ To mate a night with a swamp ♪

♪ Turn the rivers into blood ♪

♪ Steel away the first born ♪

♪ Eye for eye, pound for pound ♪

♪ Weed out the Devil til they're safe ♪

♪ Everyone don't come around ♪

♪ Turn the heathens into slaves ♪

♪ Stand and defend us in this holy war ♪

♪ Find yourself one the wrong end ♪

♪ Of Gabriel's sword ♪

♪ Get yourself right ♪

♪ Get your reward ♪

♪ Sinnin' ain't sinnin' ♪

♪ In the name of the Lord ♪

♪ No, sinnin' ain't sinnin' ♪

♪ In the name of the Lord ♪

♪ Didn't drown so she's a liar ♪

♪ Pale skin and black pitch ♪

♪ Light the other cleansing fire ♪

♪ Throw the body in the ditch ♪

♪ Stand and defend us in this holy war ♪

♪ Find yourself on the wrong end ♪

♪ Of Gabriel's sword ♪

♪ Get yourself right, get your reward ♪

♪ Sinnin' ain't sinnin' ♪

♪ In the name of the Lord ♪

♪ No, sinnin' ain't sinnin' ♪

♪ In the name of the Lord ♪

♪ Don't speak to me of blood ♪

♪ You light the chips and expire ♪

♪ We'll be watching from above ♪

♪ To see the world catch fire ♪

♪ Stand and defend us in this holy war ♪

♪ And find yourself on the wrong end ♪

♪ Of Gabriel's sword ♪

♪ Get yourself right, get your reward ♪

♪ Sinnin' ain't sinnin' ♪

♪ In the name of the Lord ♪

♪ No, sinnin' ain't sinnin' ♪

♪ In the name of the Lord ♪

♪ Sinnin' ain't sinnin' ♪

♪ In the name of the Lord ♪

♪ No, Sinnin' ain't sinnin' ♪