Original subtitles

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Mmm.

Ah.

And... switch feet.

Mmm.

Ah.

A reminder. You have facials at 10:00, ice baths at 11:00,

then lunch at La Palme d'Or with Amir and Sandra.

I should mention, they owe you quite a bit of money.

Luis, please.

Who speaks of such things?

Whatever the amount, it's insignificant.

My apologies. I thought it was significant

because it is more than I make in a year.

After lunch, you have volcanic clay wraps,

then an algae detox followed by your afternoon nap.

- Mmm. - Just once, I'd like to go on vacation

- and not have to do a million things. - Yeah.

Oh, and lastly, Sammy's tenth birthday is coming up.

Oh, of course, Sammy.

You have no idea who I'm talking about, do you?

No, I don't.

Our nephew. Jackie's son.

Oh, yes.

It's just been so long since we've seen him or Jackie.

- Perhaps we should visit. - Oh, no.

Reseda's not that nice this time of year.

- Or any time of year, really. - Oh.

- It's a dump. - Oh.

Let's just send Samuel a gift.

- Yes. - Perhaps a nice bottle of wine.

Oh, or a set of titanium golf clubs.

Ooh, maybe a simple Rolex?

Nothing chunky.

Remember, he's turning ten,

not retiring from Morgan Stanley.

Okay, well, how about a handcrafted Fabbrini marionette

- from Italy? - Great idea, darling. A toy!

Yes!

Though the marionette's made out of porcelain,

so it should not be played with.

It's more like a "do not touch it, you're gonna break it" toy.

What child wouldn't want that?

We shall find out.

Guess what, guys.

Some sucker on eBay paid me 400 bucks

for that creepy puppet you sent Sammy last year.

400? It was worth ten times that.

- That's true. - Yeah.

And it was a marionette, not a puppet.

That is also true. Yeah.

And it was certainly not creepy.

Synced & corrected by -robtor- www.addic7ed.com

The point is that I used the money to book

this super cool new laser tag place,

Zaptown, for Sammy's birthday.

Oh, wow. I'm shocked you're willing to spend $400

for a children's party. It's quite extravagant.

I'm shocked you know that's extravagant.

Yes, I know. I used to spend that much

buying extra sheep on FarmVille.

It was a problem.

We had to sell our actual farm

to pay for his intervention.

The more I hear you guys talk,

the more I realize why your dad cut you off.

Yeah. Me, too. That is why it's obvious that mi papá

won't be returning our fortune anytime soon.

So, looks like Javi and I are going to be stuck here

- a little longer than we had hoped. - Yeah.

If it makes you feel better, you've already been here,

like, way longer than I hoped.

Anyway, I'm just saying why not have the party here?

Save some money.

Uh, every time I've had Sammy's birthday here,

it's been terrible.

There was the time I gave the wrong kid an EpiPen shot

and that time that Superman showed up, like, super drunk.

And then last year,

the-the trampoline piñata. That was the worst.

That actually sounds kind of fun.

- Yeah. - It was,

until Sammy launched himself over the fence

and got attacked by the neighbor's cat.

So I just need this year's birthday to be the best.

I wouldn't worry.

Sounds like you set the bar low.

Exactly. And Zaptown has everything. It's got

the food and the drinks, entertainment. It's great.

Well, I'm glad we could help.

After all, our marionette did pay for the party.

You might even say that we were the ones pulling the strings.

Well, I'm glad

you were pulling the strings, 'cause you haven't

really been pulling your weight around here.

I'm sorry, Jackie, are you saying

that Javi and I are mooches?

- Because that's really unfair. - Yeah.

Who ate the last Twinkie and put the empty box back?

Are there any cameras here?

No.

Then it certainly wasn't me.

Javi, are you okay?

I love boba as much as the next person

who just discovered what it is and is somewhat disgusted by it,

but you only seem to want it when you're upset.

Well, it's just that your sister

has been making a lot of jokes lately

about us not contributing and taking advantage.

I wouldn't take that personally.

You know Jackie's a little rough around the edges.

And also in the middle.

What if there's some truth behind her jokes?

I think it's time for us to put our backup plan into action.

Okay.

But how are we gonna fake our own deaths?

No, well, I meant we should get a place of our own.

I kind of like the idea of our own place.

A little pied-à-terre...

- I'm sorry, I caught a boba. - Ooh.

I mean, a place to call our own.

- Mmm. - Something small but cute.

- Cozy yet chic. - Ooh!

I can just see it.

Excuse me, but where's the rest of it?

With your budget, this is the largest apartment

you can afford.

Well, at least there's air conditioning.

That hasn't worked since 2004

when a robin built her nest in there.

Shame what happened to those birds.

Take your time. Look around.

Done.

Note the high ceilings, which are perfect for...

Making sure the rope doesn't reach the ground.

- I was going to say opening up the room. - Mmm.

Let me give you some privacy.

I'll be in the kitchen while you discuss.

Mm-hmm.

Well, I think there's a lot to like about this place.

Ooh, I bet it looks even better

with natural light.

Huh?

Anyway, some paint and furniture

would spruce the place right up, don't you think, Luis?

It couldn't make it worse.

I think it has potential.

To be a crime scene?

My love, I-I know

this doesn't compare to the now relative luxury

of Jackie's place, but look at the bright side.

We can make love in every single room of the house

at the same time.

Oh, Javi,

as long as we're together, I'm good.

It's about time we give Jackie and Sammy their space back.

And if I close my eyes, being here

is actually kind of exciting. Mmm.

If I wear a blindfold, I might grow to love it.

I'm a little envious

that you are starting a new adventure.

Though there's not going to be too much

for me to do around here.

Heads up. If you want this place,

you'll need to act fast. It won't be on the market long.

Is that because the city's going to condemn it?

Mom, Lily texted me.

She wants to know if it's okay if her younger brother

comes with her to my party today.

I guess.

But I show no mercy when it comes to laser tag.

You're not on my team, you're getting zapped.

He's only five years old.

Kid comes to a party uninvited, he's going down.

Yeah! I'm gonna go after him, too.

Morning, Jackie.

You'll be pleased to know that I went to Costco

and bought the smallest box of Twinkies

to make up for eating the last one here.

And also,

we have some pretty big news.

We just put in an application

for what I think is an apartment,

and if it's accepted,

- we're moving out. - Yeah.

- What? - Well,

you'll finally get your house back,

and you and Sammy could visit anytime you like.

One at a time.

Wow.

That is great news.

That helicopter sounds close.

There's a car chase! It's on the news!

Ooh!

I love car chases.

I hope it's a fast one.

I like the slow chases.

More time for the drama to unfold.

I like when the chopper gets really close to the car

so you can see how crazy the driver is.

Does he have a mullet? Does he have a face tattoo?

- Does he have both?! - Ooh!

You guys, they're in Reseda!

- Ooh, yeah! - Yeah!

- 818! - Ooh!

They just passed our favorite boba place, Boba De Niro's.

Oh, look at that. They're headed towards...

Wait. Wait. Wait. No. No. No, no.

Sammy, turn up the volume. No.

It appears the driver of the stolen vehicle

has crashed into a local laser tag establishment, Zaptown.

The police are there, and yes, the driver is safe

and being taken into custody.

Thank God nobody was hurt.

But somebody's birthday plans just got zapped.

Back to you, Karen.

Worst car chase ever.

Come on, Sammy.

Let's go upstairs, get dressed.

And don't worry, babe. I got this.

Everything's gonna be fine,

'cause we have a backup plan.

Ooh, what's the backup plan?

How am I supposed to know?! That just happened!

So, I just came from Zaptown.

They obviously can't do Sammy's party.

But the good news is the car didn't hit

the cake or the party favors.

Oh, great.

Bad news is

the crash set off the sprinklers,

which ruined the cake and the party favors.

- What the hell, Barry? - Sorry.

I thought part of being a good dad was, you know,

giving everybody a brief moment of hope.

I see I was wrong.

Okay, so, party's supposed to start

in an hour and a half, but that's okay.

We've got five capable people that can figure it out.

Oh, great. And when do they get here?

- Honey, she means us. - Oh.

I had the same question. I'm glad you asked first, man.

Okay, so, what do you need?

So, the party is gonna have to be here.

Um, I need ideas, guys. Go.

Turn off the lights and pretend we're not home.

- Next. No marionettes. - Oh, I've got it.

- Come back to me. - Uh, beer pong.

- They're kids. - Root beer pong.

- That's not a thing. - Ooh! How about...

No kind of puppet.

Come back to me.

Luis, please tell me you have something.

Eh, nothing much. I've just sketched a few simple ideas.

How did you do that so fast?

You should see what he can do when he has a little time.

His plans for our possible new apartment are inspired.

Yes, we're embracing the lack of square footage.

He's putting in a Murphy bed, a Murphy table,

even Murphy shelves.

There'll be more Murphys than a Boston AA meeting.

Guys,

stop blabbing about your apartment, okay?

This is supposed to be about Sammy's party.

Apologies. Luis?

You enter the backyard,

your eye is drawn to a bouncy house

which a childless neighbor of mine has.

Do not ask why.

To your left, tables filled with snacks and treats.

To your right, a makeshift stage with instruments,

so kids can perform karaoke.

There will be a fun cake,

and, of course, what is a party

without hundreds of origami swans?

Dude, you are wasting your talents working for these guys.

You know, you should be, like, planning parties for NASA.

Coming from you, that means...

Well.

Okay. We're gonna go with Luis's plan.

It's the only one that makes any sense.

Luis, you take care

of the bouncy house and everything here, and we will

take care of the food and the drinks and the tables.

How are we gonna do that with no money and no time?

We're gonna do it the Dixon way.

What does that mean?

It means we steal.

Okay, guys, we're on the clock.

So just grab something and move.

Stealing stuff for our kid's birthday...

If that's not what co-parenting is all about,

I don't know what is.

We're not stealing; we are borrowing.

Except for the food and the drinks and the napkins

and the plastic utensils... Just steal everything.

Except these mozzarella balls.

I think they've turned.

Those are pickled eggs.

Is there a different bar we can loot?

Not one that I have the keys to.

Guess what, mi corazón.

The Realtor texted. We got the apartment!

Wow. That's actually kind of exciting.

And it won't take Luis long to sage the place.

He could do it with one puff of a clove cigarette.

Eh, well, about Luis, I'm a little worried about him.

He said he was envious about our new adventure.

Maybe he would like to move on.

Yeah, you're probably right.

Maybe catering to our every whim

isn't as satisfying as he used to pretend it was.

Any fool would see that Luis's talents

are being wasted working for us.

I still can't believe you guys tricked Luis

into working for you.

What am I bringing these for?

Eh.

Oh, Jackie.

Great news... we got the apartment.

Congratulations!

Are we celebrating you today, or Sammy?

'Cause if you don't want to help...

We've been helping. We are helping.

Well, it doesn't seem like it, 'cause we have

less than an hour, and you're standing around

talking about your new apartment.

Well, I'm certainly going to miss lovely moments like this.

Come on, Javi, let's load up the car.

You okay?

Yeah. It just makes me angry

that Lizzie's always thinking about herself.

Yeah, maybe. Or...

maybe you're acting angry, 'cause, you know,

you're sad or scared.

- What? - Yeah, it's natural.

When you feel that someone you love is moving away,

it can be scary.

But that's not the case.

I'm here.

And I'm not going anywhere.

Ah, that was good.

I'm joking, of course. We're obviously talking

about how your sister and Javier are moving away,

and, you know, you're not ready for it.

Well, I don't know.

I mean, that may be true.

I just... actually, I'm a little thrown right now,

'cause I think you just said something insightful.

Hey. Even a stopped clock is right three times a day.

Good point, Barry.

Uh, hey, you know what I was thinking?

Last time I pushed a wheelbarrow

was 11 years ago, and you were in it.

Yeah.

You were taking me to the hospital

to give birth to Sammy.

Yeah. Good thing our car broke down right next to Home Depot.

That was a crazy day.

Yeah. It was also the best day of my life.

Mine, too.

All right, all the stuff we stole is unloaded

and in the back. What's next?

Set up all the chairs and tables as indicated by the schematic.

Schematic... Say that in English, please?

- Drawing. - Got it.

Mucho thank you.

Make sure the cake table's in the center.

Yeah.

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I have my moments.

Well, you have more than that.

Luis, I think the reason

my father took my money away from me

was so that I could learn to find my own way.

Um, spread my wings and-and fly.

Like these paper swans.

These don't actually fly.

I didn't have enough time.

Okay, the point is that

if you ever want to spread your wings and fly,

I don't want to be the one stop you.

What are you saying?

Well, you know how to do so many things.

Are you sure you want to keep working for me?

I want you to be happy. And if you're not...

I have never been happier.

I have a wonderful boyfriend, a job that I love,

and the time to enjoy it.

In fact, thank you for losing all your money.

Because of that,

I have gotten to live my best life.

Well, my pleasure.

Anything for you.

Lizzie.

Sorry about lashing out at you.

I was just feeling kind of sad.

Why?

Well, because you guys are moving out,

and Sammy really loves you being here.

I mean, especially Javi. No offense.

None taken.

I'm comfortable with my ranking.

And we will always be here for Sammy.

And by "we," I mean mostly Javi.

Is there something else you want to say?

Yeah.

Maybe Sammy's not the only one that likes you being here.

What do you mean?

Don't make me say it.

Oh, I'm gonna make you say it.

Okay.

Since it's just the two of us...

The last six months,

with you here,

things have been... easier

and way better.

And I know this wasn't gonna be permanent,

but... I guess I just thought

maybe it'd be longer,

that we were all together.

Wow.

I never thought I'd hear you say that.

Me neither.

Me neither.

You want us to stay?

I thought we were in your way.

Oh. You are.

Oh.

But I like you being in my way.

I mean, today would've been a disaster

if it was just me.

But it wasn't just me.

You know? It was all of us.

And that's how the last six months have felt.

And that sounds really corny.

Incredibly corny.

But it's true.

I mean, I'll be fine.

And I know you guys are really excited

about your new apartment...

I never want to go back there.

- It was a coffin with a toilet. - Yeah.

They don't want to leave.

Well, I don't want you to leave.

I'm glad you're staying.

Now, what are you moochers just sitting around for, okay?

We have a party in 20 minutes.

Oh, yes, sir.

You know, I was just thinking back

to where we were a year ago.

Thank you.

You know, Javi, I'm glad me, you and Bijou

have this time together.

At first, I found it pretty annoying

that Amir and Sandra canceled lunch last-minute

just because of some child thing...

Their daughter has appendicitis.

Which is Latin for "drama queen."

Yeah.

The point is, we're lucky it's just us.

I could not agree with you more, mi corazón.

Luis, could you sigh for me?

Javi, what's wrong?

Well, mi amor, you know I love the Riviera.

I think it's beautiful. But... I don't know... lately,

I think I've been feeling a little...

bored.

Honey,

- I've been feeling a little bored, too. - Oh.

Just a suggestion: if you are both feeling this way,

consider the life you're living.

Perhaps it is time to make a change,

to find a life filled with purpose.

Mm. "Purpose" sounds like "porpoise."

Great idea, Luis.

We'll go to Bali and swim with the dolphins.

- Yes. We will certainly be happy there. - Mm. Mm-hmm.

Ay.

E-Excuse me. That sigh was for me.

This might sound crazy,

but I think our life might be better now.

Hmm.

Want to hear something crazier?

I agree.

I'm glad you feel that way.

After all, it's not like mi papá

is gonna magically drop from the sky, give us our money

and welcome us back home.

That would be cool if he did, though.

Yes.

Can I look?

Two more feet.

Okay, now look.

I can't believe this.

Luis, this is amazing.

It was a team effort.

The cake, however... all me.

Sammy, do you like the cake made out of my Twinkies?

Aunt Lizzie, Tío Javi, this is the best birthday party ever.

Well, it's the first one we've been to, but I promise you

we'll never miss another one.

Another helicopter?

It's close.

Is there a chase happening on our block?

Oh, my God!

The helicopter's landing!

The cake!

The bouncy house!

This is not what it looks like!

It isn't?!

I don't believe it.

Who is that?

It's mi papá.