Original subtitles

The year is 50 BC,

Gaul is entirely occupied by the Romans,

Entirely? Not quite,

One small village of indomitable Gauls

still holds out against the invaders,

Under the watchful eye of the Roman camps

Totorum, Aquarium, Laudanum and Compendium,

all these Gauls enjoy a peaceful existence,

All? Not quite,

This morning, one of them has woken well before the others,

Fly safely, Telegraphix.

A Gaul may be indomitable

but can be conquered,

For a while now, Lovesix's heart

beats only for Irina, Princess of Greece,

ASTERIX AT THE OLYMPIC GAMES

Princess, look. Telegraphix is back.

What have you brought me now?

Today, Irina, I begin my journey

And your love will be my guide

At last your eyes my face will see

In three moons, my sweet, I shall be at your side

Three moons...

OLYMPIC GAMES SELECTION OF BEST ATHLETES

Hello, is this the entrance?

- Get to the back. - Shrimp!

- Cool it! - Sweep out the stadium!

STAFF ENTRANCE HIRING NOW

Sorry.

Never! I'll never marry him!

You'll marry Caesar's son Brutus after the games!

You owe it to Greece to ease the Roman occupation.

Father, you embody the grandeur of our civilization.

How can you obey a tyrant?

Caesar rules the world. We have to accept it!

I won't marry Brutus

because I love another.

Your mysterious Prince Charming with his schmaltzy drivel.

I'm in love with his words.

The words of a poet

engraved upon my heart.

Even Apollo couldn't make me forget them.

Maybe Brutus writes them.

Brutus is a brave, virtuous, upstanding fellow.

And an intrepid horseman too, I hear.

Honest!

Praetorians, halt!

We weren't expecting you, Brutus.

Tweety!

Tweety!

Gently, Tweety!

Gently!

It's nothing. A slippery leopard skin.

Silenceus!

Have the groom quartered.

And get this damn bird stuffed!

I desire your heart as Caesar desires the world

Armed with my love, I launch my attack

The pretty weasel, the charming deer,

The jay, the slow worm,

My friends of the woods

Dance along in my footsteps

To cry out as one with me...

Irina!

It's you?

It's him?

It's me!

Brutus!

You're here so early!

Traffic was light.

I was eager to meet my betrothed.

You didn't lie, Obnoxias.

She's magnificent.

I bear gifts.

Showtime!

Pretty imposing, huh?

It's me and you. And a big lion.

Picture it at home. I used my imagination.

And that's not all.

I know you like poetry and it just so happens...

I'm a big fan myself.

I've written a few lines

in praise of your beauty.

Helmet!

First, when there's nothing

But a slow glowing dream That your fear seems to hide

Deep inside your mind

All alone, I have cried

Silent tears full of pride

In a world made of steel, made of stone

What a feeling, being's believing...

Well, it's not...

- Am I ridiculous? - Not at all!

I am. It's because

I wasn't totally into it. I'll try it again.

- No way! - Who said that?

I did.

My name is Lovesix.

- What's your name? - Lovesix.

I'm from the only village in Gaul resisting Caesar!

Are you now?

I love Princess Irina and...

I want to marry her.

How dare you defy Brutus?

Are you an emperor's son?

What mighty feats make you

worthy of the hand of a princess?

- I'll win the Olympic Games! - Will you now?

So what do I do now? Tell me. I don't get it.

Throw myself at your feet?

Do a Zorba dance?

Very funny, little Gaul.

Quarter him!

- No! - No?

- I accept the challenge. - What challenge?

I'll marry the winner of the Games.

What is this tosh?

The King of Greece must marry his daughter

to a man who is as brave as the Greek people.

Here I am!

Just a sec.

Playing hard to get, huh?

I like it. I like it!

All right...

Basically, if those are my daughter's wishes,

those are the king's wishes.

- Meaning? - Well... So be it!

I'll tell my dad.

Wait! He's just a tiny Gaul.

Clear off!

On your chariot!

Your rags.

Strength is dumb.

Why say that, Obelix?

It's dumb and it's mean.

Wolves eat lambs,

sharks eat little fishies,

spiders eat flies...

The weakest are always the kindest.

We can try to defend the weak.

But when I slap someone strong, since I'm stronger,

he becomes weak.

When the Romans attack, we're weak. We have to fight back.

True strength means holding back your strength.

I'll never be strong again.

- What's up? - No idea.

I'll ask him.

Excuse me, Roman. Is someone chasing you?

We saw you jogging so...

We thought a boar was after you.

You call this jogging?

I'm Gluteus Maximus! The fastest man in the Roman Empire!

You do walk a little fast.

I'm the strongest!

I've been selected to represent Rome at the Olympic Games, by Jupiter!

I'll give you jogging!

Catch this!

See, you just can't help yourself.

It's because of the tree.

Yeah, sure...

Without trees, he'd be fine.

That's forests for you. You meet a lot of trees.

Gluteus!

It's the wind.

It pushed you and it uprooted the tree.

Absolutely.

I'm the strongest!

Make your day! Go ahead, you Gaul!

It's not right to want to be the strongest all the time!

- I'm sick of being the Roman! - Your turn.

No, I'm sick of losing.

- I'm Asterix, not a Roman! - Let me slap you.

Lovesix!

Lovesix is back!

He's here!

Lovesix is here! Lovesix is back!

Caesar doesn't age...

He matures.

His hair doesn't go grey... It lightens.

Caesar is immortal...

for years to come.

Caesar is mighty, all-conquering.

He's a leopard,

a samurai.

He's indebted to no man.

Not Rocco or his brothers

or the Sicilian clan!

Caesar has the right stuff.

The Academy even named Caesar Best Emperor.

Ave, me!

Ave!

It's me, Brutus. Open up!

Code?

29AJC48.

Tenacius, the code.

- Code? - The door code.

4.

7.

No, 1,000!

- Do you know it? - No, he does.

Get lost.

A- V-E-U...

- 24! - Enough already!

As for you... don't move, whatever you do.

Stay! You'll like it.

Battering ram!

Ave, Caesar. Your son's here.

He knows.

Egypt has her 7 plagues. Caesar has Brutus.

Ave, Dad. I was in Greece.

- A word. - He's listening.

A small hitch. My wedding has been delayed.

It's OK, nothing serious.

That slob Obnoxias will marry her to the Olympic winner.

So, I've decided to represent Rome!

- Who? You? - Yeah!

- Ridiculous! - Why?

You can't represent yourself!

- Romans run faster, jump higher... - Me!

Caesar is Roman. The world is well conceived.

Your proper place is behind Caesar!

- I'm going anyway. - Caesar says no!

- Whatever... - By Jupiter! Speak up!

It's always the same.

Whenever I want the slightest thing,

you cut me down. If Mama were here...

Forget your mother!

So be it. The die is cast.

If you want to show off, do it!

Go Greek on me!

Dad!

Excuse me.

I brought you a souvenir from Greece, a bag of olives.

My taster's dead.

Oh, they're pitted.

This year alone,

your little gifts have cost me 47 tasters!

Really? 47? That's a lot.

No, but these are kosher.

Go on, swallow it.

One leopard had to go.

Lovesix is back from Greece. Let's give him a fitting welcome!

Where is our great traveller?

Lovesix, what are you up to?

Carry me over!

Is that a Greek custom?

To marry the Princess, I must win the Olympics.

I never will, so I'd rather hang.

Lovesix, you're hanging by your feet...

I want to love, not die.

- Win the what? - The Olympic Games.

They're held every 4 years.

For Greeks and Roman provinces only.

We're Gauls! We're not allowed to go.

He hangs, so lovesick

But upside down, he'll just be sick!

That's excellent!

No one's listening.

- I'll help you win the games. - What's that?

- I have a heart. - That's irrelevant.

- We're Gauls, not Romans. - Let's dress up as Romans!

- How? - I'll cut off my moustache.

By Toutatis!

We are Romans!

Romans? Since when?

Since Julius Caesar conquered Gaul!

We didn't fight at Gergovia for nothing!

Calm down. It's bad for your heart.

Asterix is right.

We're a Roman province, so we're Romans!

Kissy kissy...

We can take part?

And win?

Wed a princess?

I'll go to Greece, too.

Why not? To sing my hymn to Gaul!

Obelix, the strong, the weak...

I just confiscated the harp.

Asterix and Obelix will take Lovesix to Olympia!

Teach Caesar a lesson once and for all!

I'll come, too. I'll make my potion there.

Up with us Romans!

Up with us Romans!

Potion?

A secret weapon! We must tell Caesar.

Know what Caesar does to bearers of bad news?

Nice. Gentlemen.

Not that way.

One day I'll fly away...

- These Gauls are crazy! - Let's go.

- I'm the best! - Superb!

Look at that hold!

Look at my abs!

My dorsals! My pecs!

3 pecs! What a eunuch!

- Your neck? - Eunuch.

I had him snipped. He was partying all night.

I'm tired of sport.

Help me. I'm stiff all over.

How did I do in the high jump?

12 feet, O great Brutus.

The long jump?

26 feet, O very great Brutus.

I'm progressing. The wide jump?

No such thing!

I'll sleep now.

Silenceus! Sing me a song.

Brutus is great

Brutus is first-rate

Brutus is courageous Brutus is generous

He'd give gold to the poor

No, not the poor! Get real!

Count the press-ups.

596, 597,

598,

599,

600...

Ave, Brutus!

Ave!

Formation time! A tortoise.

Tortoise formation!

- That's no tortoise. - It is.

No, it's not.

It is, in army terms, that's a tortoise formation.

In army terms. But in animal terms,

it's round with 4 paws and an ugly mug.

That's a tortoise. I want it in animal terms.

Tortoise formation in animal terms!

Now that's what I call a tortoise.

What's that formation?

It's an... attack formation.

- Attacking what? - Well, attacking us.

Us?

What?

- The Games... - Yes, what?

If you want to win...

What am I doing? Train hard!

I mean, great Brutus, you have to run, throw, wrestle... yourself.

Wait a minute.

- Was that an order? - No!

- Yes, it was an order! - It wasn't.

Silenceus, did he give me an order?

Sometimes I regret having your tongue cut out. Speak up!

You gave me an order.

But it doesn't matter.

Sin confessed, sin half pardoned.

Say: "Yes, I gave you an order. "

Yes...

I gave...

you... Ah, you!

I gave you an order.

There you go.

You were scared? I'm not a monster.

Thought you'd be quartered?

Thought he'd be quartered!

Throw him to the lions! That'll teach him!

I have just what you need, great Brutus.

A new elixir I made myself.

I called it EPO, Elixir Pro Olympics.

My masterpiece.

It can't be detected by the beetle test.

Does it work?

Does EPO work?

I'll turn your athletes into Apollos!

Silenceus.

Put it down.

Last time.

So, tell me... in this mess,

would you have something to eliminate a guy who...

rules over the world and his son...

and whose son wants to get rid of him?

You want to kill Caesar?

Do you or don't you?

For Caesar, I don't have something...

I have the thing!

What're you waiting for? Go get it.

Come here, you.

Great Brutus, this is Covadinpus!

An inventor of killing machines. Remarkable boy.

Very inventive.

You bullshitting me?

No, never, O great Brutus.

Doctorjekyllus, I'll use you for my next experiments,

you piece of sh...

What's your name, dwarf?

Covadinpus.

Covadinpoo...

I'm Brutus.

Great Brutus! Evil Brutus! Call me what you like.

My rules are simple.

If you make me happy and content, I'll cover you in gold.

But if you disappoint me...

I'll have you quartered!

What have you got?

It depends on the kind of death you want.

Slow... fast... alone on the couch...

hideous agony... death by poisoning...

No, just dead, nothing fancy.

I was parched!

I think I have the solution.

- Dissolution! - What?

Dissolution! Dissolve him.

It looks just like bath salts...

It smells just like bath salts, but it isn't.

With this, he's dissolved in a flash.

- Size of the bath? - 30 by 10.

30 by 10?

No more than 4 grains.

Is it for a wedding, a birth?

A retirement.

I'll see you in Olympia.

Greece is a long haul.

Greece! The Acropolis... its sky blue sea...

Listen. It ends with:

"I drift forever among the whales

Your love in my heart is the wind in my sails"

How do you manage to put words together so beautifully?

First, I eat. A little.

Then, I have to forget I'm strong. And the words just flow.

You've made me hungry.

For a few days,

Rome will lose its status as capital of the Empire

for another city

attracts the athletes and supporters from around the world,

The champions from every province will nobly compete

and thus celebrate the universal virtue of sport

in the magnificent city that symbolises it:

Olympia!

J ust a second, you two. I D parchment!

- Ave, Caesar! - Ave, Caesar, sure...

They seem uptight.

With Caesar attending the Games,

they're afraid of chariot bombs.

Chariot bombs!

- Why add a new sport? - To liven up the Games!

Let's get modern here, you jokers.

You get a haggis.

11 athletes in short togas

kick it around until it reaches

a fishing net. What do you think?

What would you call this new sport?

Well, I'd call it feet-ball.

Absurd.

- It'll never catch on! - Maybe.

Excuse me!

We'd like to sign up.

Wrong line. The ticket office is over there.

We're not spectators, we're athletes.

Yes, the Gallo-Roman team!

Athletes? You?

Can't you tell?

Of course we can tell. Idiots!

Get your portraits engraved to the left.

Have a nice day.

Ave, Dad!

Hold this.

Ave, Dad!

Let a sleeping Caesar lie.

Sorry. I just got in. A huge chariot jam held me up.

All roads lead to Rome but try getting out!

Settling in with the Greeks?

Caesar has moved house.

Greece is part of the Empire. Caesar is at home everywhere.

Great news. Look what I've brought you from Rome.

What is it this time?

Bath salts. Incredible. They soften up your skin.

They relax you. Know what?

I'll run you a bath to try them.

A perfumer makes them near the catacombs. A lovely fellow.

You're out conquering day in, day out.

Empire building's fine but you ignore your local shopkeepers now.

And that's a pity.

This'll make Pop fizz!

Maybe I've overdone it.

Dad! Ignore the bubbles. They're normal.

The water's too hard here. That'll soften it.

Nothing worse than itching in your armour.

Right... Father, have a delicious bath.

Helmet!

Bath tester!

Do we have to train too?

Don't! You'll only discourage everybody.

It's not fair...

Obelix! We know him!

Running in the woods. Gluteus...

- Gluglu... - Maxi...

Mus!

Gluteus Maximus!

Not the Gauls!

He fell off!

See you around!

That's them! The invincible Gauls!

We've had it! We've had it!

- Let me see Brutus. - He's busy.

- Keep out. - Where's Brutus?

I have an urgent message.

The Gauls use a magic potion. They're invincible. We can't win.

We'll get quartered!

Meet the winners.

Not much of a likeness.

Get the hecklers quartered.

- She's pretty. - I know.

Ave, Dad!

Ave, me!

Not bad!

Excuse me... Excuse me, let me through.

Excuse me...

- A fine organ. - Thanks.

- You're a musician? - A bard from Gaul.

Good heavens, I'm a bard too! I'm Cacofonix.

Yes, it's me.

I know all your songs!

I love Armorica

Papa was a gladiator

I love Rock 'n' Gaul

That wasn't me.

Delighted. I'm a big fan of yours.

I'm a big fan of mine too.

I'm up next. Is the EPO ready?

Fresh this morning.

Perfect!

This stuff pongs!

It doesn't smell good,

it makes you good.

Doctorjekyllus! Let's break some records!

Not bad...

Never saw him without armour.

It can be misleading but with him...

Hand it over!

I mean, you have the 6-pack there but...

Could be an opening.

Guess not.

Look out, Dad!

You can't make an omelette...

Who makes omelettes? Athletes don't have time to cook.

OK, Dad?

I'm no athlete but I'd like to try that.

- What? Launch a disc? - Yes.

I prefer the hammer.

Go, Asterix! Go!

Show 'em what we're made of!

- It's us! My village! - Go, Gaul!

Watch this.

It's the magic potion, see.

- The magic potion? - It's all in the dosing.

- It's all in the wrist. - In the wrist?

Hurry it up!

She's pretty armless now!

You're getting on my nerves. Cut it out now.

I'm good with a javelin but I got the run-up wrong.

They're invincible. It's their magic potion.

We can't beat them.

- What was that? - They're invincible.

No, just after that.

We can't beat them.

No, between the two!

Magic potion?

The Gauls have a magic potion and you never told me?

- I told your centurion. - Which one?

Show me! I'll have his tongue cut out.

Objection!

Complaint! Protest!

They're cheating!

These Gauls have taken a magic potion to be invincible.

And you took nothing?

That's different. I lost.

We'll use the beetlyser test!

Meaning?

You take a beetle.

Like that. And you blow into it hard.

See? No reaction. It's negative.

Over to you.

See that?

I fell in as a baby.

It's not in the dosing, it's in the doping.

Show a little solidarity! They cheated by mistake.

The Gallo-Romans are disqualified!

For using magic to augment their prowess!

And so the winner of this heat is...

Greece!

We'll meet again!

A single defeat could be fatal.

Your performance is a disgrace!

Listen, if you don't win,

you won't just lose your wedding but your status too!

Caesar will give you the Empire's most barbaric little province!

You'll never set sandal in Rome again, by Juno!

And by myself! Ave!

- Don't care. I'll kill you. - What did you say?

Me? Nothing.

Oh, yes, I was thinking out loud.

- I'll give Dad a gift. - Be gone!

Your helmet!

Lovesix... It's not over.

It's not over yet.

Not over yet.

With or without the potion, we are brave Gauls!

Their muscles are 10 times bigger.

Muscles? It's just decoration.

Their skeleton's the same as yours.

Yours is actually bigger.

- Think of your princess. - Exactly! Obelix is right.

Think of Irina.

He's a perfect sparring partner. You can't hurt him!

On guard!

Think of Irina.

No! Hit me harder.

- Hit him! - Hard.

- Go on. - Take that!

Imagine he's Brutus.

Use your shoulder!

No, wait.

Asterix is right.

Put your shoulder into it. Like this.

- Why hit him? - I didn't. I showed him.

- You hit him! - Didn't!

I illustrated your words.

Did I ask you to illustrate my words?

Do we train him or not?

I train him. You do nothing!

Yeah, Mister Asterix gives advice! Mister Asterix knows best!

So, you give the advice since Mister Obelix is so smart!

Don't want to!

We didn't wait for Cacofonix?

Oh, don't we look sulky?

- Give me some joy. - Joy schmoy!

What're you doing here?

I'd had enough of our village where talent is crushed.

I'm in the City of the Arts

to sing of your feats!

- Put the harp away. - Lovesix...

Don't say that, Lovesix.

Your odds are good.

Your lover's heart is...

much stronger than an athlete's.

Nice line. I love it!

An athlete's heart...

a lover's heart.

An athlete's heart, a lover's heart.

Irina!

Lovesix!

"A kiss, when all is said and done, what is it?

An oath ratified,

a sealed promise.

An avowal seeking confirmation.

A rose-dot on...

A rose-dot on... "

...on?

"... the 'i' of adoration. "

- The what? - The "i".

- The what? - The "i"!

- Anyone there? - Nobody!

Introduce me to the talking bush, please.

This is Obelix, Princess.

Hi, Princess.

I'm just his mouthguard... bodyguard.

That's right, my bodyguard. He's incredibly strong.

Really? Let's see.

- No. - Oh, yes!

- Jump. - No, Irina!

- Thank you. - I've never held a princess before!

Go for a little walk.

Dogmatix and I will keep a lookout.

You're in love, too!

They're beautiful!

They're beautiful, too!

You have to go back up now. I'll make a ladder.

- They're beautiful! - Careful, Obelix.

I...

You...

We...

Cooey! My Princess!

My little piece of feta!

My darling moussaka!

My vine leaf!

It's me! Your future husband!

Sorry to bother you at this late hour but...

whilst thinking of your beauty, a poem came to me.

I couldn't wait.

I wanna love you

every day and every night

We'll be together

with a roof right over our heads

Is this love?

Is this love?

I always get stuck there.

Sorry, I'm so emotional.

I'll go on.

What a cheeky minx!

See that? Brutus does that to people!

You'll be going home alone tonight.

Coming! My strong arms...

Wow! You're strong, too!

Let's not stop there, baby!

- I'm not decent. - Fine!

I'll continue to climb the ladder to love!

No, Brutus, I'm in my nightdress.

My little piece of feta!

Bye-bye, Brutus.

Go for it!

Who sings in stadiums?

The Rolling Menhirs.

My friends! Come in!

Please excuse my humble tent.

"A true Bedouin entertains under his camel. "

A Mesopotamian proverb.

Surprise!

- What's this? - A little present.

You know what we call doings like this in our line of work?

Corruption!

Keep your hair on.

Corruption would be giving you silver.

So what's this?

This... is gold. It's a gift of gold.

We can't really refuse a gift.

No, Mr Brutus! You're knocking at the wrong door!

Honesty, integrity, ubiqui...

Gentlemen, follow me.

We've heard enough!

Hey, fart face!

Here's another offer.

I can have you and your stooges quartered.

We'll take the gold.

We'll take it right now.

Boys, for the wrestling, I won't be needing you.

I have a secret weapon.

The whole ancient world will envy the wrestler we have!

The world's strongest man!

He is scared of neither fear nor pain.

He knocks out 5 oxen for breakfast!

He squeezes juice from coconuts with his bare hands!

A mean machine! A muscle mountain!

I give you Humungus!

Come on, lad! Come on, kiddo!

Come on, sonny! Come to Daddy!

Come on!

Any sudden moves can spook him.

He's in a grumpy mood!

Who's a grumpy boy today!

Calm down!

Humungus and I had a falling-out once. Nothing serious.

But I wanted him quartered.

Anyhow, this lad's joints are so strong...

the horses were torn in two from the effort.

Impressive, huh?

Right, Humungus, my boy?

Ungawa!

- Has he eaten? - Three times.

It's out there.

Go, Humungus!

Mincemeat time!

An athlete's heart...

We should give him a drop of the potion.

Rome wins!

- Bravo who? - Brutus!

Next!

This crowd! This atmosphere!

An audience worthy of my talent!

I have to sing!

Don't you dare!

A tiny drop...

What's wrong with you two?

Obelix, no cheating!

Cacofonix, no singing! Is that clear?

Rome wins!

Excuse us.

Excuse us for being the best.

Caesar finds these games most amusing.

Smash the Gaul to a pulp

and I'll cover you with gold. Gold!

You're an animal, Humungus!

And this maybe?

All right.

We're going to win!

Go on! Go for it!

You'll see!

- Go! - For Irina.

Lovesix! Fear not, you can come to my wedding.

Return the favour and invite me to your funeral!

Turn round!

Behind you!

Get up! Stand!

Still, he took the fewest blows.

Rome wins by default!

Excuse me.

Brutus wins!

Asterix!

I'll waste you!

That's not allowed!

What's he doing?

Look at him!

He's cheating!

I gave it all I've got.

What's wrong? Is there a problem?

Brutus wins!

No problem.

It's hopeless. Even when he loses, he wins.

Well? Julius...

Happy? A fine victory!

I'm impressed by the grandeur of Rome!

Brutus may well win

but the whole Empire will mock Rome because of his cheating.

- No one cheated! - I'm talking to Dad.

Julius Caesar will be the Olympic champion in all-out farce!

Want him impaled? Fed to the lions?

Or cut...

Such audacity for a mere Gaul!

You dare to defy Caesar!

Very rash of you. Lions have devoured others for less.

Well said, Dad! I'd have him quartered!

You say Rome cheated?

The spectators are disappointed?

Lowly Gaul, Brutus is not Rome.

Caesar has always respected the desires of conquered peoples.

You want a test of valour and courage?

Without potions or corrupt judges?

You want blood, sweat and tears?

Caesar cancels all previous contests

and decrees that the winner

will be he who wins the last event:

The chariot race!

Cut it out!

Sandal-licker!

What's this thing?

Since Caesar is in love with his image, his image will be his downfall.

How does it work?

This mirror has a frame filled with poison darts.

When the victim steps in front of the mirror,

the mechanism releases the darts, causing instant death.

Instant?

If the dial's on "instant death". There's "hideous agony",

"death alone on the couch"...

I know! Help me. We'll put it there.

Dad! How are you?

Meet Covadinpoo.

Covadinpoo... JC, Julius Caesar, my dad.

Covadinpoo is a mirror cutter.

He has made this gift.

Covadinpoo, tell him about your gift!

You made it, you're the best man to talk about it.

O very great...

O hugely terrifically immense Caesar!

- Ave, me! - Enough!

Well, you see, Caesar, it's...

It's a mirror. But not just any mirror.

What is a mirror to Caesar?

Since Caesar... is beauty?

But not just any beauty! Not beauty...

Beauty at its most beautiful!

I felt a mirror could not

reflect an image more beautiful than Caesar's beauty.

That's impossible since no one is more beautiful!

- Impossible, right? - Impossible.

Then again, its reflection couldn't be less beautiful

than Caesar's beauty, even to flatter Caesar,

because that would insult Caesar's beauty.

And that's why I decided

to create a mirror that would reflect...

Oops, sorry.

...that would reflect Caesar's beauty perfectly.

- Something like... - A mirror!

It's like a mirror...

to look at yourself in.

- Shall I uncover it? - Uncover it.

I'm not worthy of being reflected in this mirror.

I shall leave you with your most Caesarly reflection.

Father, may this modest mirror bring you eternal serenity.

- Ave, father! - Go on...

Look at yourself! You're the fairest of 'em all.

Go on!

Mirror tester!

Stay on the scene

Like a sex machine

Listen, we should kidnap the Gauls' druid

and force him to give us his potion.

Really? How will you do it?

We can't cheat anymore.

Who asked you?

Silenceus, did we ask him?

So zip it! Shut up!

- What's that? - An elixir of invisibility.

To kidnap Getafix during the druids' convention.

Gluteus Maximus, drink it.

I've got a bit of a stomach upset.

What a pity. That must be painful.

- A little. - I quite understand.

- Better now? - Much better.

Drink it.

It doesn't work.

And now, go, Gluteus Maximus.

Go fetch.

No, we're going with him.

And now, here is Numeric

from the Black Forest.

Dear druid friends, dear colleagues.

I invented an elasticity potion.

Could four strapping druids lend a hand?

Go on, pull.

Pull. Yeah, pull!

Go on, pull!

There we are.

That's what I call elasticity.

What was the plan?

Here's the situation. You have us and the druids.

Triangulation. We spread out.

We corroborate. More or less.

- And we localise. - Meaning?

Well, it's very simple. In topographical terms...

Enough! Gluteus Maximus, grab him!

You can let go now.

- What's wrong? - He's in the way.

Honestly! Come here, boy.

Asterix! Obelix! My friends!

Getafix has been taken.

An invisible force has kidnapped your druid!

- During our convention! - What's the world coming to?

Invisible force? Are you sure?

As sure as I'm standing here.

If Dogmatix sniffed something Getafix had touched,

do you think he could find him?

He was in your way!

Mr Dogmatix, Mr Asterix is sorry. That OK?

What should he sniff?

Find Getafix!

Go on.

- What's he up to? - He's asking his pals for the way.

Lie down!

He's found it.

- I'll stay here. - Good idea.

I need to be rested for my audience.

I would go no doubt, but the artist in me can't.

Sorry.

Good boy! Come here, fella.

Yes, Gauls?

My friends, about time!

Are you OK?

I said I couldn't make the potion without bat's spit.

They'll torture me...

Hurting a druid for some potion?

Give some to everybody!

Everyone'll be equal, and I can compete!

You're a genius!

Since the Romans want this potion, we'll give 'em some!

- That's what I meant. - Good idea, Asterix.

First time I've seen anyone get beaten up by a bat!

If the druid doesn't cooperate, he'll be quartered.

Only he knows the recipe.

True.

- The guards! - The tent! The druid!

What did I tell you? He's made his magic stew!

He cracked. Druids are dumb as hell!

Why did he leave the cauldron?

I haven't a clue.

He drank some, then knocked out 2 guards.

I'd have done the same.

It must be a trap.

Good thinking.

Taste it.

- Why not him for once? - Fair point.

- Thirsty? - Not now.

Oh, yeah? Go on.

Well?

Nothing.

- Hit someone. - Who?

Not him.

- You! - Why me?

I've been itching to see this!

Me too.

- Covadinpus... - Not with that, you'll break it.

Yes! It works! It works!

We've got the magic potion!

I'll win the Olympics and lots more!

I shall become...

Master of the World!

The sand is damp. The terrain will be very heavy.

- What are you doing? - Horse-whispering. You never know.

Your wheels have 5 hoops.

You'll have more grip.

Sounds like a good plan. We'll beat them.

OK, let's go.

You don't want them around but it's hard getting rid of these things.

You can eat them.

Them, not me. I'm the boss. So it's not...

Can we talk it over?

Go ahead, eat!

No. You first!

Me?

Your turn.

Come on! Shut up and eat.

Disgusting.

- Not bad at all! - Tasty.

May the sand of the arena

turn red with the blood of the vanquished!

Ave, Caesar!

Enjoy it while you can, Dad.

Look at him! It won't last.

Lovesix!

That hurt.

Hey, Greek!

Check your axle!

I gave it a going-over first!

Ciao!

I don't believe it!

2ND LAP

Good, Michael. 100 grains of sand ahead.

Go, Lovesix. You're the best!

Lovesix! Lovesix!

Was it wise giving the potion to Brutus?

Be patient, Obelix...

Patient? For now, Lovesix is last.

What? He's in the lead and he stops?

Maybe someone changed the rules.

A crucial moment, guys.

Jean, I need more grip.

The double-grip wheels!

No more pit-stops. Over to you, Michael.

Let's go, guys.

300 grains of sand. Good work, guys!

4 horsepower isn't bad. Lend me a few parts?

Bye, you Hun!

Cheat!

No way!

Who's the best?

Call this a chariot race? I call it a circus. Pathetic!

I'm taking note!

Bring on the empty horses! Fast!

My beloved!

Brutus!

What?

What the...

To encourage him.

Thanks, Jean!

- Obelix! - What?

- Stop that chariot! - Why? It's empty!

Exactly! Come on!

- Just do it! - Right!

Perfect!

Go, my babies!

What's he doing?

You just don't get it.

He can't beat Lovesix!

Spanish chariot, go!

Hey, Lovesix, who's champ now?

Stop!

Sheepskin?

Where is he? Where's Dogmatix?

Sorry, Obelix, I was with a fan.

Dogmatix has gone!

Don't blame me! I didn't even sing!

Dogmatix?

Praetorians, the race is nearly over. So what's the plan?

The VIP stand. Us.

Infiltrate. Surround. Caution.

Then I say, as we rehearsed, "You're under arrest!"

Who? Us?

No, not you!

Brutus?

No, not Brutus!

Lovesix!

Jump!

Remember. Above all, finish the race!

Thanks, Asterix!

Obelix! There he is!

- Where? - There!

Dogmatix! Stronger than summer love!

- More serious too. - You said it.

It's a plot! I arrest Caesar and get covered in gold.

And us?

I don't recall any mention of you guys.

You heard that? A plot against Caesar!

Gluteus Maximus!

Cut me free, you fool!

Gently!

See you, Brutus!

Outta the way!

You'll fart fire with this! Open up!

Not bad, huh?

This'll power you up!

Take it. It's good stuff!

Go, Lovesix! Go!

Louder! I can't hear you!

Brutus!

WINNER

Louder!

There you go! Brutus has won the Games.

And Greece wins a prince. Caesar is happy.

He found these games most amusing.

They may not last 2,000 years but they certainly are amusing.

Everything's fine.

Objection!

Complaint!

Protest!

I accuse Brutus of using a magic potion conferring superhuman powers!

Me? I cheated?

You're nuts, little man! Brutus needs no magic potions!

First, I can't make a magic potion.

Second, I don't know a druid who can make one.

And, third, I've won. So, zip it!

So, zip it!

A Greek princess cannot marry a cheat.

I demand that Brutus take the beetlyser test!

Who asked her?

I'd be delighted to, myrtle berry.

I'll take any test you like.

Sacrilege!

The beetles have vanished!

That's a bummer.

What can I say? We wanted to help...

Really, Brutus? Actually, we don't need the beetles.

Our druid coloured the magic potion to trap cheats

like you!

That's why your horses' tongues are blue!

Like yours!

A blue tongue? That's ridiculous! Let's get serious here!

If you want my hand, stick your tongue out at me.

I can't, my sweet. It would be rude.

Better than that!

All the way!

Hail to the Gauls!

We are the champions!

Couldn't you have said so?!

Up, Gaul!

That's the last straw!

No hard feelings, Mr Brutus?

At least you tried.

Village People, not now!

Mr Brutus, there's a plot against your dad!

- Romans! - Dressed in black!

Maybe we should help him out.

You have a moustache. I never noticed.

You're under arrest!

That's right, Dad!

Unlucky in sport, lucky in inheritance!

- It was Brutus! - That's terrible.

Caesar's dead! Brutus is born!

Long live Brutus the First!

Seize him!

I said, seize him!

Seize him, Tenacius!

Nice games, weren't they? Very relaxing.

When I said, "Seize him"...

I was joking. I meant, "Help him up. "

Really?

That's not a slap, Mr Caesar.

Who asked you, bozo?

May I?

That's a slap.

Thank you, Gaul.

We must render unto Gaul that which is Gaul's.

The race and the Olympic Games

were won by the team

of Gallo-Romans!

Thank you! Thank you, people!

As King Obnoxias is a man of his word,

Irina and Lovesix's wedding is held in Greece,

together with all the Gauls

who made the journey specially

and all the VIPs of the ancient world,

3- 2!

Edifis is here!

- I ' m glad to see you! - My pal!

Good to see you!

Getfixed!

Great to see you.

Edifis!

Hamsterixm!

Wrong!

It's funny...

You're more handsome.

It's true. I swear.

Good to see you.

I hear you won.

Yes! Let me tell you...

We started with the potion.

Then, they said...

Mrs Geriatrix - Edifis.

- He's Cleopatra's personal architect. - Well said.

Hi, Edifis.

Hi, ladies.

Excuse me, my friends.

Let a pro do this if you don't mind.

I want to introduce a fellow bard.

You'll see, he's mega.

Hairix Bardix.

Hey, Olympix!

Please give him a very warm welcome.

My love!

Gentlemen, let me show you

the new prototype of feet-ball.

I've done all kinds.

I built the Taj Halal.

Heard of it? It's in Papua.

What's in it?

What's in it? There's nothing in it.

It's a round haggis.

The Tower of Pisa... that was me.

OK, it tilts to one side. It's a concept.

It'll never work.

I can build an abode for your lady friends. Not funny?

It'll never work. I'll give you "It'll never work"!

You'll see if it'll never work.

Hey, Asterix!

What did I tell you?

That is bat-ball.

You're a sportsman?

Yes, of course, on several occasions.

Show me what you can do.

OK.

With the ball.

OK...

That turn you on?

- That all? - "That all"?

What do you want?

- Zidanis... We've been cousins for? - Too long.

- You're Egyptian, too. - I'm not.

You dressed me in this crap.

I bought you nice hair. Like it?

Yes, I like the hair.

That's down to me.

Get off my pyramids.

You get off my pyramids! I'm onto something big.

Like always with you! And we get the crap.

Finders keepers, losers weepers!

"Losers weepers"!

Tough!

Look, isn't that Olympic material?

Amazing foot work.

He looks like a pro.

He's not about to retire. Huh, Grandpa?

Want it?

There you go!

That's good.

Hold on. I'll call it hands-ball.

Edifis! Good to see you.

Can I have it?

Look, Michael Jordanus.

You're cruisin' for a bruisin'!

Please, mister, can I have my ball back?

So, are you sure we were a hit?

A hit-ette.

Stop sulking.

- Yes or no? - Yes.

Kiss!

- No, people can... - Kiss!

...see us. - I said, kiss!

- I'm Edifis. - Now!

Now!

There!

The Olympics weren't bad, huh?

Well, you can't beat a good wild boar hunt.

Hey, Brutus! You said you'd cover us in gold.

We're just covered in chains.

I never said that. You misunderstood me.

Silence!

Caesar needs peace and quiet

to admire his imperial reflection.

Hey, you two!

Row faster and silently!

You too, my son.

Ave, Dad.

Ave, me.