Original subtitles

Good evening, metal heads,

Full Metal Mickey here with you on KISS 101 FM,

all the way through to the wee hours

with my monthly metal marathon.

Just me, you, and megawatts of metal!

Bang your heads, Denver.

♪ Screams break the silence ♪

♪ Waking from the dead of night ♪

♪ Vengeance is boiling ♪

♪ He's returned to kill the light ♪

♪ Years spent in torment ♪

♪ Buried in a nameless grave ♪

♪ Now he has risen ♪

♪ Miracles would have to save ♪

♪ Those that the beast is looking for ♪

♪ Listen in awe and you'll hear him ♪

♪ Bark at the moon ♪

♪ Hey, yeah, bark at the moon ♪

♪ Sweetness, sweetness ♪

♪ I was only joking ♪

♪ When I said I'd like to ♪

♪ Smash every tooth in your head ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Sweetness, sweetness ♪

♪ I was only joking when I said ♪

♪ By rights you should be bludgeoned in your bed ♪

♪ And now I know how Joan of Arc felt ♪

♪ Now I know how Joan of Arc felt ♪

♪ As the flames rose to her Roman nose ♪

♪ And her Walkman started to melt ♪

Hey, I'm going out.

Mom.

Helen!

Dave Kendall here with the music news,

First up, a breaking story from the U.K.

After months of speculation in the press,

The Smiths have officially gone under.

The Smiths, one of the all time greats,

strange ways, there they go.

No!

Formed in Manchester in 1982,

The Smiths swiftly became the voice

of a doomed generation.

They emerged into the uncertain arena

of early '80s Britain

like a fully formed gang,

and invited you to join.

I feel The Smiths create their world

and not many groups do that.

And you can either go in or you can say no.

And it's your choice, really.

We wanted to ditch everything that people

superficially think is rock 'n' roll...

leather trousers and long hair and drugs.

We had something that no one else could really grasp,

which was, like, totally ours exclusively.

Do you have many friends?

No, I don't.

Those that you have,

are they in the music industry?

They're in the group. They're in The Smiths.

So The Smiths are your only friends?

As far as I can see, yeah.

Hey, Cleo.

Hey, look, here. What are we talking about?

No depressing crap in the store.

The Smiths just broke up.

Oh, maybe because they called their record

"The World Won't Listen."

Way to go, geniuses.

Check this out.

Can't you just picture fucking to this?

Before you close up,

I need you to re-price all the CDs.

And you have to check the security strips.

All of them? All the CDs.

Wait a minute.

Yes, all of them.

And the tapes.

Kids keep peeling them off.

You know what?

If you did your job for like two seconds,

instead of daydreaming about Depressed Mode,

half of my stock wouldn't be walking out of here every day.

I'm only making money on sunglasses now

KISS 101, the rock of Denver.

How can you stand it?

There are times I could murder him.

Dean. Dean.

Dean.

It's not loaded.

Just to scare the shoplifters.

So what do we do now?

Our music died today, and nobody even cares.

I wish there was a way to get all the posers in this town

to take notice.

You know, The Smiths may be dead,

but all the albums are still here,

all the records, seven-inch singles, 12-inches,

We have all those great bootlegs.

That'll be here forever.

No one can ever take it away from us.

I hope you're right.

So you want to hang out?

I can close up early.

Mm.

My friend is going off to basic training tomorrow,

and everyone is in town for the weekend to say goodbye.

So...

You know of any good parties?

Me? No.

I was gonna stay in, maybe,

and make you a tape of this new band

from Manchester.

New band from Manchester?

Oh, sacrilege.

- Happy Mondays. - Happy.

Oh, I hate them already.

- I did have another idea. - What is it?

Something that would go down in musical history.

But I can't tell you what it is.

Yeah?

Impress me.

♪ Learn to love me, assemble the ways ♪

♪ Now, today, tomorrow, and always ♪

♪ My only weakness is a listed crime ♪

♪ My only weakness is, well, never mind, never mind, ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Shoplifters of the world ♪

♪ Unite and take over ♪

♪ Shoplifters of the world ♪

♪ Hand it over, hand it over, hand it over ♪

♪ Learn to love me and assemble the ways ♪

Aah!

Billy, that rude girl is here.

Damn it, ma.

Damn it, yourself.

She's just sitting out there beeping.

Who does that sort of thing?

- Don't be out too late. - I know.

- Big day tomorrow. - I know.

We're just so proud of you, son.

Okay, I got to go.

♪ World ♪

Nice buzzcut, G.I. Jerkoff.

♪ Shoplifters of the world ♪

I don't understand how The Smiths can break up,

but we live in a world where Wang Chung

and Mr. Mister still exist.

Or Flock of Seagulls.

Yeah.

I got you a present.

Oh, sweet.

What is it? Black Flag, Misfits?

- Yeah. - Wait, did you steal these?

But I told you I wanted to go with you.

Dean only lets me steal when I'm in there alone.

Okay, well, you can have these back.

Oh my God. You're such a square.

What?

Getting in character for tomorrow.

Tomorrow I become a man.

Oh, tomorrow, you become one of them.

Which is why I'm going to get you

as fucked up as possible tonight

to prevent you from making

the biggest mistake of your life.

Hi, can I help you kids find something?

Where's the cyanide section?

If you're so miserable here,

why don't you do something about it?

Apply to a better college, go start a band,

make a choice on something.

Oh, you'd make a great flight attendant.

I want to do something different.

I don't want to be like everyone else.

Is it too much?

You can never be overdressed or overeducated.

Your bowtie isn't tied.

It's a look.

That gay librarian look?

Yeah, I'm not gay.

- I didn't say. - Robert Smith isn't gay.

- I didn't mean... - Morrissey isn't gay.

Bowie wears eyeliner. Everyone wears eyeliner.

Forget it.

You look cool.

God!

I am so sick of being celibate.

We made a vow. No meat, no sex.

That was before we went to college.

What happens next year when you go back to England

to live with your dad, huh?

Lots of postcards.

We've been dating since middle school.

Why are we even still together?

Because I love you.

Come on.

♪ Take me out tonight ♪

♪ Where there's music and there's people ♪

Good to see you!

♪ And they're young and alive ♪

♪ Driving in your car ♪

Oh, my God!

Who are you?!

I'll be me.

Why did you join the Army,

you fucking idiot?

Hey, uh, war's stupid.

Come here. Touch it, though.

Do me some eyeliner.

Alright.

You know what's stupid?

Is you going to London and leaving all of us behind,

This could be the last time we ever see each other.

Shut up.

You guys suck.

It's like you're breaking up the band.

They don't know, do they?

Know what?

They don't know it's over.

What's over?

The Smiths broke up.

- What? - What?

- No. - No.

You're telling me

I woke up hoping that everything might change for the better.

Like, maybe today will be different, you know?

Then I got home, and I heard the news.

A strange fear. gripped me.

♪ But then a strange fear gripped me ♪

♪ And I just couldn't ask ♪

♪ Take me out tonight ♪

♪ Oh, take me anywhere ♪

♪ I don't care, I don't care I don't care ♪

♪ Driving in your car ♪

♪ I never, never want to go home ♪

♪ Because I haven't got one, la-di-dum ♪

♪ Oh, I haven't got one ♪

♪ Oh, oh ♪

♪ And if a double-decker bus ♪

♪ Crashes into us ♪

♪ To die by your side ♪

♪ Is such a heavenly way to die ♪

♪ And if a 10-ton truck ♪

♪ Kills the both of us ♪

♪ To die by your side ♪

♪ Well, the pleasure, the privilege is mine ♪

♪ Oh, there is a light and it never goes out ♪

Yo, it's a car full of faggots.

Fucking freaks.

Your music sucks!

We see you again tonight, you're dead.

Fuck you!

Denver, so much to answer for.

What is the most wonderful place

to be able to be a bedridden, deaf mute?

As soon as I have enough money saved up,

I'm going to move to Paris

and live with Bruno on the East Bank.

Oh, you mean, the left bank.

It'll be just like the film "Betty Blue,"

except I won't go crazy in the end.

Somebody stop her.

I think we heard this one before.

Shut up.

I think it's romantic.

Hey, Joe.

Little Cleo, how are you doing?

I'm a little sad tonight, actually.

Oh, well, I'm sorry to hear that.

How can I help you?

I think you know.

So young and so sad.

It's such a shame when you have such a pretty smile.

Pretty girls make graves.

That's what the man says.

Good evening, metal heads.

Full Metal Mickey here with you on KISS 101 FM,

all the way through to the wee hours

with my monthly metal marathon.

Just me, you, and megawatts of metal!

Bang your heads, Denver.

♪ Screams break the silence ♪

♪ Waking from the dead of night ♪

♪ Vengeance is boiling ♪

♪ Waking from the dead of night ♪

♪ Vengeance is boiling ♪

♪ He's returned to kill the light ♪

Don't! Put your hands up!

Turn around, God damn it.

Stop playing this shitty music.

Judas fucking Priest, what do you want?

Put your hands up.

♪ Bark at the moon ♪

Do hope Brian Briggs will be here tonight

Why Bi-Bri from Capitol Hill?

The guy who wears tights and tuxedo jackets?

That's the one.

Brian always knows where the best parties are.

If he's not here in an hour, we'll split.

Are you kidding me?

- Who's that girl? - That look is so borderline?

I need to check my hair.

Reagan cares more about UFOs

- than he does about AIDS. - Totally.

He's never even said the word.

I know about.

- Hey, Sheila. - Hey, Babs.

Hey, Rita.

My brother is an act-up.

He's already been arrested five times,

fighting for the cause.

Now, that's a real American hero.

Totally. Oliver North can suck it.

So what are you guys doing tonight?

We need to get Billy fucked up.

- Ooh. - Come to Sandi's kegger.

Her hot brother David will be there

with a bunch of older guys.

Okay, he's such a meathead.

Want some? It's viibryd.

Cut with no dose. My coke dealer got busted.

No, thanks.

Ain't nobody trying to hear Bon Jovi in here, man.

You're not playing Bon Jovi.

Trust me, you've got to hear this.

Okay.

I'd like to apologize

to my regular listeners,

but there is, in fact,

a young man in the radio station

pointing a gun.

Hey, chill... chill out, man.

Okay. Okay.

So, um, for the rest of the night

to commemorate the end... oh, God.

Are you serious?

To commemorate the end of the greatest band of our time,

I will be bringing you the music of The Smiths.

Don't touch that dial.

All night.

Rest in peace.

[The Smiths' "The Queen Is Dead" plays

♪ I don't bless them ♪

♪ Farewell ♪

♪ To this land's cheerless marshes ♪

♪ Hemmed in like a boar between archers ♪

♪ Her very Lowness with her head in a sling ♪

♪ I'm truly sorry but it sounds like a wonderful thing ♪

♪ I say Charles don't you ever crave ♪

♪ To appear on the front of the "Daily Mail" ♪

♪ Dressed in your mother's bridal veil? ♪

I'll dance with you.

And so I checked all the registered historical facts

And I was shocked into shame to discover

♪ How I'm the 18th male descendent ♪

♪ Of some old queen or other ♪

"The Queen Is Dead."

You're dead, pal.

- Hey, drop the bat. - Come on.

You got your stupid request on the air, okay?

So pack up your pansy-ass records,

and get the hell out of my radio station.

Don't make me use this. I'll shoot, I swear.

Yeah? I dare you.

Look at you. You're pathetic.

Fuck you and fuck The Smiths!

You just shot Gene Simmons in the face.

That was low, man.

Play the B side.

It's going to be a long night.

Maybe he'll rock 'n' roll suicide himself live on air.

I know who it is.

Who?

It's Dean from the record store.

I was in there today.

Stealing tapes?

He was almost as upset about The Smiths breaking up

as I was.

And he had a gun, you know?

Cute, clumsy, and shy.

Doesn't seem the type.

You think he's cute?

What would you die for?

The love of a good woman.

Come on.

Where are you going?

Girl talk.

Are you really going to run away to Europe?

I don't know.

Are you and Patrick still pretending to be a couple?

I do love him.

Okay, but...

You want your freedom.

We had sex once.

Once.

And then he discovered The Smiths,

and it was all no meat, no sex.

And I get it. Morrissey's celibate.

But God damn it, I'm horny.

Do you remember the day we met Cleo?

I take it you are referring to the glorious summer

after freshman year when we all worked at Safeway.

She weighed her tits on that vegetable scale.

Priceless.

Do you ever wonder...?

Wonder what?

What that would be like?

Are you serious?

No, no, of course not.

I do miss that job, though.

The life of a bag boy was just so simple.

It's so old fashioned to work.

I'd much rather lounge about the house all day

looking fascinating.

See, this is why I want to introduce him to Brian Briggs.

He's totally been with girls and guys.

But why?

Before he flies away to London,

he needs to spread his wings a little.

Really?

Well, then so do I.

♪ I wanna go home ♪

♪ I don't want to stay ♪

Side one.

"This Charming Man"?

What, are you kidding me?

Who the hell writes a song called "This Charming Man"?

God, I hate The Smiths.

This depressive haircut bullshit.

- Just play it. - Alright, I am.

♪ Punctured bicycle on a hillside desolate ♪

♪ Will Nature make a man of me yet? ♪

Who's the guitar player?

Johnny fucking Marr.

Oh, and he plays harmonica.

Fuck, man.

"Bicycles and desolate hillsides"?

I was going to drop the new Kiss album.

Have you heard it yet, dude?

Of course I've heard it.

It's cheesy. You're cheesy.

This station vomits Cheez Whiz all over Denver.

Alright. Alright, pipe down.

But if you are going to shoot me,

please let me die on air, so the people at Denver

can hear my brain splatter against the wall,

because at least that would be rock 'n' roll.

Just don't do anything stupid, okay?

You mean like play The Smiths on metal marathon?

This is the Denver police.

We've gotten calls.

Everything alright up there?

Get rid of him.

Or what?

Alright.

Good evening, officer.

It's a nice night, isn't it?

It sure is.

You alright up there? We've gotten reports.

Oh, right, about the, uh... the deranged hijacker

waving a gun around,

forcing me to play British records

about dead queens and bicycles.

What?

Oh, nothing. Nothing. Everything's fine.

How about a request for your trouble, sir?

Uh, Elvis?

I'll see what I can do.

- Are you nuts? - What?

It's the Denver Police Department we're talking about.

Come on, what's next?

We got time for a few more

before he calls in the National Guard.

Unless, of course, you want to blow your brains out.

Personally, if I had nothing but The Smiths

to listen to all day...

Play the first track.

Why are you doing this to me?

The Smiths broke up.

You should consider a candlelight vigil,

something slightly less illegal.

It called for a more dramatic gesture.

Yeah, well, if the Denver suicide rate spikes overnight,

it's on your head, not mine.

I tried that once.

Tried what?

Suicide?

Are you serious?

It didn't work, obviously.

Not that it would have made much of a difference.

I do wonder what's really left to live for these days.

How about good music?

♪ Panic on the streets of London ♪

♪ Panic on the streets of Birmingham ♪

In a live capacity,

the audience seems to be very celebratory,

almost violent, very, very wild,

which I'm quite happy about.

♪ The Leeds side-streets that you slip down ♪

♪ I wonder to myself ♪

I think people don't really have

many opportunities in life

to let themselves go slightly and express themselves

and to step out of themselves, and so on,

and be a little insane.

♪ Burn down the disco ♪

♪ Hang the blessed DJ ♪

♪ Because the music that they constantly play ♪

♪ It says nothing to me about my life ♪

♪ Hang the blessed DJ ♪

♪ Because the music they constantly play ♪

♪ On the Leeds side-streets that you slip down ♪

♪ Provincial towns you jog 'round ♪

♪ Hang the DJ, hang the DJ, hang the DJ ♪

♪ Hang the DJ, hang the DJ, hang the DJ ♪

♪ Hang the DJ, hang the DJ, hang the DJ ♪

♪ Hang the DJ, hang the DJ ♪

♪ Hang the DJ, hang the DJ ♪

♪ Hang the DJ, hang the DJ, hang the DJ ♪

♪ Hang the DJ, hang the DJ ♪

♪ Hang the DJ, hang the DJ ♪

♪ Hang the DJ, hang the DJ, hang the DJ ♪

♪ Hang the DJ, hang the DJ ♪

It's fucking "Metal Guru" by T.Rex.

Talent borrows. Genius steals.

Oh, "hang the DJ"?

Please tell me you brought rope.

He's just protesting the vapidity of the music

that stations like this

cram down our throats day and night...

hair bands, boy bands,

endless loops of moldy old classics,

pre-processed pop, Wham!, Whitney, White Snake.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, buddy boy. Leave Whitney out of this.

It's all the same.

- But it isn't. - Isn't it?

What's the message? Dance party.

Have fun. Get laid.

- Sounds good to me. - It's not reality.

Reality sucks.

Music is an escape.

This music is salvation.

Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned,

I've let the record run out.

Alright, maestro, what's next?

You pick.

Oh, DJ's choice?

How novel.

Alright.

This one's for you, kid.

He may not be sweet, he may not be tender,

but he is certainly a hooligan.

- Play the song. - Gods of Metal, forgive me,

it's another one by The Smiths.

Hand it over.

Ooh.

I look supernaturally ugly.

You're beautiful.

Why so obsessed with gloom?

So what the hell are we going to do tonight?

Sandi Goodrich is having a kegger.

Oh, a suburban Denver kegger sounds dreadfully unfashionable.

Oh, maybe your bisexual boyfriend Brian

will make an appearance.

Well, I suppose it's either that or stare at broken lightbulbs.

I don't know how you can stand going to community college here.

I had to get out of this humdrum town.

Yeah, you think you can catch me?

It's not like I don't have ambition.

I just thought everything would be different for me.

It's those obstacles that only you can see for yourself

and the horrible burden of time...

...crushing me.

♪ Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera ♪

♪ In the midst of life we are in debt ♪

♪ Et cetera ♪

This is Orson Welles.

And you've been listening to "War of the Worlds."

Just kidding, Denver.

It's Full Metal Mickey.

Or should I say Mad Manchester Mickey.

Broadcasting to you live from the funeral pyre.

That's right, people.

The Smiths have gone up in flames,

and we are burning it down one song at a time...

at gunpoint.

But my sweet and tender vinyl terrorist

has agreed to allow me to open up the phone lines.

So I'm going to be taking a few special callers

every hour at the top of the hour.

Starting with you, caller. You're on the air.

Yo, Mickey, The Smiths suck.

No one wants to hear this crap.

You're totally bumming out our Friday night.

Play some Dokken.

Dokken rules!

Yes, they do.

Metal heads 1, Smiths nil.

560, KISS, you're on the air.

Caller, who am I speaking with?

This is Sandi from Arvada.

And I just want to say that we are having a party,

and we are all listening

and we are going to keep on listening

because The Smiths are the greatest band in the world,

and it's about time that we heard our music on the radio.

Hey, guys, Sandi's on the radio.

Sandi, I dream of Dokken.

But wouldn't you know it?

Up next, another one of your songs.

They're listening,

Really listening.

♪ The rain falls hard on a humdrum town ♪

♪ This town has dragged you down ♪

♪ Oh the rain falls hard on a humdrum town ♪

♪ This town has dragged you down ♪

♪ And everybody's got to live their life ♪

♪ And God knows I've got to live mine ♪

♪ God knows I've got to live mine ♪

♪ William, William it was really nothing ♪

♪ William, William it was really nothing ♪

You didn't tell me Sandi's brother was home.

There's gonna be jocks at this party.

We're not in high school anymore.

Who cares?

I prefer to say with my own kind.

Look. It's a total freak party.

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Come on.

This night will open our eyes.

Look as bored as humanly possible.

Untied tie?

Great look.

Did you hear me on the radio today?

I think I should have my own show.

You know, I was thinking a Duran Duran marathon.

I'm sure there are worse groups than Duran Duran.

No, please, honey, if Duran Duran broke up,

I would... I would set myself on fire.

Come on.

♪ Unruly boys who will not grow up ♪

♪ Must be taken in hand ♪

♪ Unruly girls who will not settle down ♪

I don't know why you're going to college.

Drop out.

Let's travel abroad together, live a little.

To Paris?

But what about Bruno?

Wouldn't I cramp your style?

Hi, Billy.

Hi, Siouxsie.

You know, you still put something in my heart.

That joke isn't funny anymore.

Come on, Billy, I know you're still spellbound.

Siouxsie Chu and you?

One month. Last summer.

All she wanted to do was watch "Liquid Sky"

and listen to Bauhaus in the dark

while she bit my neck.

♪ Who will not settle down must be taken in hand ♪

They all look dead from the neck up.

What are you kidding? Sandi's family is perfect.

Nobody's family is perfect.

I bet you if you look into her medicine cabinet,

she's hooked on diet pills, just like my mom.

♪ You're the one hat's left in the dark ♪

Hey, Sheila.

Hey, David.

Crazy Cleo and the brothers gay.

Hey, man, can I borrow some eyeliner?

I might need a touch up.

I'll give you a touch up.

Dude, these are my sister's friends, man.

Just chill out.

I'm just fucking with you, dude.

Cool?

♪ Don't give up We'll be alright ♪

What's not cool is the shitty music.

Yuck.

Bon Jovi.

Boston.

Bryan Adams?

Michael fucking Bolton?

Oh, come on, he's playing Red Rocks next weekend.

Yeah?

Got an extra ticket.

I'd rather go to my own funeral.

Let's see.

♪ Every day you must say ♪

You're welcome.

♪ So how do I feel about my life? ♪

♪ Anything is hard to find ♪

♪ When you will not open your eyes ♪

I am wicked sorry about these guys.

I'll sing you song. I won't take long.

♪ All jocks are assholes ♪

Well, some of us aren't so bad.

I dig this new look, though. It's good.

Well, it's not, like, too Madonna, is it?

I mean, I like her and all,

but I'm not into that boy-toy bullshit.

No, no, no. It's good.

You look good.

You guys want another round, or...?

Mm.

- No, we're good. - Well, I need another.

After you.

Cheer up, Paddy. It's a party.

What the hell does she see in him?

Maybe you should give her what she's asking for.

I hate sex.

The smoke gets in my brain.

Johnny plays the mandolin.

What's up with the hearing aid?

Maybe he's trying to tell you to listen up.

Open your ears and your mind.

This is not an ordinary rock song.

Why don't you open your ears, man?

What American city?

You're so obsessed with Morrissey and the mopey mopes

that you can't hear what's good about other kinds of music.

What are you doing?

Okay, ease up there, Rebel Yell.

All this talk of mind opening just reminded me

I've got some pretty killer Columbian red

in my Kiss lunchbox.

Come on, man, put the gun down.

Smoke some drugs with me.

Yeah, buddy.

Now, if you don't mind my asking,

what could be so bad that you'd want to end it all

before you even graduated high school?

My life sucked.

No one knew me, and yet everyone gave me shit.

Even the nerds.

And the girl I thought I liked.

So I found a razor blade.

I'll never forget, though, my first day back at work,

we got this new import in.

I had never heard of them before.

I just listened to it over and over again.

It's like nothing I'd ever heard.

Martyrdom and meaningless death,

guilt and heroism, sex and celibacy,

catharsis and deceit.

All the horrors you have to face up to.

I owe them everything.

They saved my life.

Well, in the end, man, they're just a band.

They break up all the time.

But they are the only band that matters.

Clearly never listened to Twisted fucking Sister.

You know, dude,

one day your heroes are going to grow old,

and they're going to change.

And they're going to put out shitty music.

And they're going to say stupid things that betray the past.

In the end, they will only disappoint you.

Jesus.

Are you sure you're not a Smiths fan?

I know "It's Over" is next, but it is far from being so.

But don't despair, Denver.

Relax, have a smoke, have a toke,

You might find it actually starts to grow on you.

You know?

♪ Oh Mother, I can feel ♪

♪ The soil falling over my head ♪

Where are you taking me?

I stole a joint from one of those jocks.

You know, I could have kicked that guy's ass.

Why'd you stop me?

It was enough that you tried to defend my honor.

You want to know something?

What?

I fucking hate Molly Ringwald.

- Huh? - Not her as a person,

but, like, in "Pretty in Pink,"

what was that about, really?

She's so worried about being liked by this preppy asshole.

She's got a cool job and awesome clothes.

And it's some big deal

for someone normal to like her and go to prom.

Her cool best friend is in love with her,

and she's kind of a bitch about it.

is that supposed to be our lives?

Soundtrack is killer.

They have no idea.

That freckled freak should try living with my mother

and the losers she brings home.

I'd leap in front of a flying bullet for you.

I know.

We tried. We failed.

We're much better off as friends.

I'm just a joke to you.

I know there's no French boyfriend waiting for you.

I'm real and I'm right here.

You don't care.

After tonight, we might not see each other again.

You think you're so much better than everybody else here,

but really, you are going nowhere fast,

just like the rest of the losers in this.

I'm going somewhere. Okay?

I might even leave tonight.

Right, Right.

God, you're such a poser.

♪ Love is natural and real ♪

Cleo!

Damn it!

♪ But not for such as you and I ♪

♪ My love ♪

♪ Oh Mother, I can feel ♪

♪ The soil falling over my head ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh-oh ♪

♪ Mother, I can feel ♪

♪ The soil falling over my head ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh-oh ♪

♪ Mother ♪

Oh.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, fuck.

Patrick!

Uh...

The true mystery of the world is the visible,

not the invisible.

Oscar Wilde said that.

Does this look like someone

who should be joining the armed forces?

Sometimes I feel like my insides and my outsides

don't match, you know?

Like, am I in love with Cleo,

or do I want to be her?

Am I a man or a woman?

Am I alive or dead?

I look in the mirror sometimes,

and I don't know who I'm looking at.

You ever do that?

When I was 14,

I took down all the mirrors in our house.

If I look long enough. I disappear.

I can't believe the Army is letting in such a headcase.

But part of me wants to do it, you know,

maybe... maybe just to please my dad, I guess.

But then another part of me just wants to smoke joints,

hang out, have friendly wanks

with big, lusty, busty pink balloons.

Oh.

Am I 2 people or 100?

I've only ever known one of you.

Wow, I am impressed.

You didn't think I was cool, did you?

No.

The senior class trip to London,

we get invited to this really cool party.

We get super drunk

and steal it right off the guy's wall.

Him and his friends were so pissed,

they chased us all around Piccadilly,

but we jumped into a cab and escaped.

Hey.

Revenge. Go on.

Make the worst face ever.

Oh, classic.

I'm sick, I'm dull, I'm plain.

Hey, hey.

I'm not the man you think I am.

Shut up and make a face.

Do you even like The Smiths?

No, I don't.

Well...

♪ Girl afraid ♪

♪ Where do his intentions lay? ♪

What about your boyfriend?

He cares more about his bowtie than he does about me.

♪ She says, "He never really looks at me ♪

♪ I give him every opportunity ♪

Just for the record,

you are so much hotter than Madonna.

Shut up.

♪ In the room downstairs he sat and stared ♪

♪ In the room downstairs he sat and stared ♪

♪ I'll never make that mistake again" ♪

It's not your first time, is it?

Is it yours?

♪ I'll never make that mistake again ♪

♪ I'll never make that mistake again ♪

That was awesome.

You were great.

So do you want to hang out again sometime?

♪ And I know because you said so ♪

I'm just home for the weekend.

Well, we could see a movie tomorrow?

Tomorrow?

What makes you think we're gonna that long?

Fuck!

Oh, my God.

Are you okay?

Do you have any lipstick?

Black magic.

Keep it.

Thanks.

It's not really my color, is it?

He used to babysit me and Sandi.

I always had this idiotic crush on him.

♪ 15 minutes with you ♪

It didn't even last that long.

I really, really don't think I know how sex works.

I don't think I know how anything works.

I'm getting A's in school, and I don't know why.

I'm bored.

I don't want to study economics.

I want to be in a band.

I want to have real orgasms with cute boys.

I want to live.

I have a confession to make.

Bruno isn't real.

I know.

I haven't even been to Paris,

My mom's drinking again and sleeping with the bookie.

I'm not even going to community college.

I'm a full-time supermarket checkout queen.

Safeway, here I come.

♪ The boy with the thorn in his side ♪

♪ Behind the hatred there lies a murderous desire ♪

♪ For love ♪

♪ How can they look into my eyes ♪

♪ And still they don't believe me? ♪

♪ How can they hear me say those words ♪

♪ Still they don't believe me? ♪

♪ And if they don't believe me now ♪

♪ Will they ever believe me? ♪

♪ And if they don't believe me now ♪

♪ Will they ever, they ever believe me? ♪

♪ Oh, oh-oh ♪

♪ Oh, oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ Oh, oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh ♪

♪ The boy with the thorn in his side ♪

♪ Behind the hatred there lies a plundering desire ♪

♪ For love ♪

I am super drunk.

What was that?

I'm just out to have a good time.

All the rest is propaganda.

♪ And if they don't believe us now ♪

♪ Will they ever believe us? ♪

What's next, dude?

The title track. "Meat is Murder."

Ah, the manifesto album.

They for real vegetarians?

Yeah.

- Don't mess with me, bro. - I'm not.

I am, too, a non-meat eater.

I heard that album.

One day I could no longer keep down my mother's meat loaf.

So it was child abuse by meat loaf

that drove you to this life of crime?

Yeah, they're not so bad, my folks.

They just worship my older brother.

Quarterback?

Quarterback, pitcher, power forward.

He plays golf. It's ridiculous.

I'm invisible.

But, yeah, meat loaf every single Monday.

♪ Heifer whines could be human cries ♪

We feel that popular music should be used

in order to make serious statements

because so many groups sell masses and masses of records

and don't raise people's level of consciousness

in any direction.

And we find that quite sinful,

especially in these serious times.

♪ This beautiful creature must die ♪

♪ A death for no reason ♪

♪ And death for no reason is murder ♪

You know, I quit meat when I was 12.

And I figured if Geezer Butler,

vegan metal God of Black Sabbath could do it.

No shit.

And other than the fact that you're pointing a gun

in my direction...

...I'm actually happy you came in tonight.

Meatheads of the world, the message is heavy.

Moral not metal.

Animals are people, too.

♪ Kitchen aromas aren't very homely ♪

Uh, um...

♪ It's not comforting, cheery or kind ♪

Hey, uh...

Are you alright?

I'm unhealthy and frazzled, but other than that.

Your, um...

your eyes are falling apart.

I'm so tired of myself tonight.

I just want to be somebody else.

Be yourself.

Everyone else is already taken.

Where are the mystery girls?

We're right here, Romeo.

I should never have been born a man.

I would have been better off as a seagull or a fish.

I'm a stranger.

I don't belong here or there or anywhere.

All I ever do is want, and nobody wants me back.

Are you trying to steal Patrick from me?

I'm just trying to show Patrick who he is.

If I can't be me, maybe he can be him.

There.

And, uh, who do I have the pleasure?

Oh, Patrick.

Patrick.

I'm Brian.

- Brian? - Mm-hmm.

Brian Briggs.

I think you know my friend Cleo.

Oh, uh, one more thing, your bow tie.

Oh, it's supposed to be...

It's supposed to be...

- It's a look. - Mm-hmm.

I'm in love.

I'm on fire.

You just never begin to amaze me.

I don't think I'll ever quite get over you.

Brian?

Hey, there you are.

Oh, my God, you made it.

This is my friend Patrick I was telling you about.

Yeah, we've already met.

See, good times for a change.

Top of the hour,

Come with me.

What did I miss?

You're listening to KISS 101's

full Morrissey meltdown.

It's the top of the hour, Denver,

and you know what that means.

The lines are now open.

And we have a caller.

Hello.

Hi, my name's Cleo.

And I just wanted to say thank you

to the charming man holding the radio station hostage.

A thank you from all of us, right, guys?

You're going to go down in musical history.

And one more thing, I have a special request.

♪ Is it wrong to want to live on your own? ♪

♪ No, it's not wrong, but I must know ♪

♪ How can someone so young ♪

♪ Sing words so sad? ♪

♪ Sheila take a, Sheila take a bow ♪

♪ Boot the grime of this world in the crotch, dear ♪

♪ And don't go home tonight ♪

♪ Come out and find the one that you love and who loves you ♪

♪ The one that you love and who loves you ♪

♪ Is it wrong not to always be glad? ♪

♪ No, it's not wrong, but I must add ♪

♪ How can someone so young ♪

♪ Sing words so sad? ♪

Sheila take a, Sheila take a bow

♪ Boot the grime of this world in the crotch, dear ♪

♪ And don't go home tonight

♪ Come out and find the one that you love and who loves you ♪

♪ The one that you love and who loves you ♪

Be drunk always.

Nothing else matters.

And I'm sorry I tried to break your face.

That's okay.

I'm completely unpredictable,

especially on Friday.

♪ Sheila take a, Sheila take a bow ♪

I think we should go.

♪ La, la, la, la-la, la-la, la ♪

♪ Throw your homework onto the fire ♪

♪ Come out and find the one that you love ♪

♪ Come out and find the one you love ♪

These things are ridiculous.

What do you say we get some air, circulate the self-pity?

Hey.

Check this out.

You're like Bonnie and Clyde, except without Bonnie.

Her name is Cleo.

The girl who called in?

Yeah, she, uh, comes into the store I work at

to steal tapes.

You're in love with her,

but you think she doesn't notice you.

You're just the guy she uses to get her fix,

and that's it.

Pretty much.

Yeah, I know the feeling.

Can you imagine how many hot metal chicks out there

listen to my show every week?

They listen next to their mullet-headed boyfriends.

Guys like you and me, we provide the fantasy.

We're not real to them.

But that girl did call in.

She was talking directly to you.

So what do I do?

I'd dedicate a song to her.

That's just me.

What about you?

You married, got a girlfriend?

Yeah, I was married.

But she left me.

About a year ago.

Same day "Master of Puppets" came out.

I had it on super loud in my headphones all day.

I didn't even hear her leave.

There I was in thrash nirvana,

no idea that the love of my life was about to rip my guts out.

I haven't been able to listen to that album since.

How long were you together?

Since high school.

Why did you break up?

I guess the metal lifestyle just wasn't for her.

And she hated that I worked nights.

We just grew apart.

She grew up and I didn't.

Denver.

Don't forget the songs that made you cry

or the songs that saved your lives.

You may be crying for more metal,

but through those tears,

we must open our hearts and our ears.

Sometimes salvation is louder than volumes.

One last stop.

Oh, not the sketchy gay bar.

Billy's not getting on that bus tomorrow

without a proper after-hours send off.

We will never get in.

Hey, pull up to my bumper, baby.

How old are you?

He's old enough to join Reagan's army.

- Come on. - Yeah, hear, hear.

- That's right. - Let us in.

Well, night clubbers...

Walk in through the exits.

♪ Tell me why ♪

♪ Tell me why ♪

Ready for a few gay boys in bondage?

Yeah.

Come on, I'll introduce you.

♪ You in your false securities ♪

♪ Tear up my life, condemning me ♪

♪ Name me an illness, call me a sin ♪

♪ Never feel guilty, never give in ♪

♪ Tell me why? ♪

♪ Tell me why? ♪

♪ Tell me why? ♪

♪ Tell me why? ♪

♪ Tell me why? ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ You and me together ♪

♪ Fighting for our love ♪

♪ You and me together ♪

♪ Fighting for our love ♪

♪ You and me together ♪

♪ Fighting for our love ♪

♪ You and me together ♪

♪ Fighting for our love ♪

♪ You and me together ♪

♪ Fighting for our love ♪

♪ You and me together ♪

♪ Fighting for our love ♪

♪ You and me together ♪

♪ Fighting for our love ♪

Why are you looking so sad, sweetie?

The Smiths broke up.

Is that all?

♪ Can you tell me why? ♪

So this is it, huh?

Their last album.

It'll join the ranks

of some great last's...

"Let It Be," "In Through the Out Door,"

"L.A. Woman."

Ozzy's last album, and Sabbath "Never Say Die."

Although "Heaven and Hell" kicked ass,

I will be an Ozzy man until the day I die.

I could go on and on.

"Raw Power.

Uh, uh.

"Too Much, Too Soon."

Oh, that's New York Dolls' album.

Protopunks in ugly drag.

Best fucking band ever.

You know, when he was like 15,

Morrissey appointed himself

head of the New York Dolls UK fanclub.

I don't think they ever even knew.

Well, I hope he knows how much that means to you.

♪ The death of a disco dancer ♪

♪ Well, it happens a lot 'round here ♪

♪ And if you think peace is a common goal ♪

♪ That goes to show how little you know ♪

♪ The death of a disco dancer ♪

♪ Well, I'd rather not get involved ♪

♪ I never talk to my neighbor ♪

♪ I'd rather not get involved ♪

♪ Love, peace and harmony? ♪

Love, peace and harmony?

♪ Oh, very nice, Very nice ♪

♪ Very nice, Very nice ♪

♪ Maybe in the next world ♪

♪ Maybe in the next world ♪

♪ The next world ♪

♪ The next world ♪

Oh, look who it is, the four faggy friends.

See, I told you this is where the freaks hang out.

Look at this one. This one dresses like a dike.

Eat some modified Madonna tomboy look,

you fucking asshole.

Fuck her up, man.

Hey! No!

Get off of him.

I got this.

Come here.

No, let him go!

I'm sick and tired of all this bullshit.

Nice right hook there, Demolition Man.

Are we going to be all right?

I'll always be on your side.

That's for me, isn't it?

Last mile's the hardest mile.

I think I'm ready to make that dedication.

News flash, new-wavers,

The intrepid Denver Police Department

has arrived to end the siege of this station

by a deranged and angry young Smiths' fan.

No!

And I must say,

it has been amazing to see the gathering

of the faithful outside this station.

What?

There's a murky river

of musical history running through these songs,

from Bo Diddley to Bowie,

from Presley and Sinatra,

to the Dolls and T.Rex,

from Motown all the way to Manchester.

Tonight, two musical cultures

reached across the divide to each other,

and it seems that in these uncertain times

of chaos and fear,

a song can still save your life,

it's all or nothing with the Smiths

and those that love them.

It is life and death.

It's music full of love and hate

and passions just like ours.

And all these kids out there, they sing for them.

There's history in this music,

and there's history happening right here, right now,

I can't believe this, but yes, folks, it's true.

The queen is dead.

Long live the Smiths.

Oh, before I sign off.

Here's one more song for that sweet and tender hooligan.

He wanted me to dedicate it to a very special shoplifter

out there somewhere.

You know, you are.

♪ I am the son and the heir ♪

♪ Of a shyness that is criminally vulgar ♪

♪ I am the son and heir ♪

♪ Of nothing in particular ♪

♪ You shut your mouth ♪

♪ How can you say ♪

♪ I go about things the wrong way? ♪

♪ I am human and I need to be loved ♪

♪ Just like everybody else does ♪

♪ I am the son and the heir ♪

♪ Of a shyness that was criminally vulgar ♪

♪ I am the son and heir ♪

♪ Of nothing in particular ♪

♪ You shut your mouth, how can you say ♪

♪ I go about things the wrong way? ♪

♪ I am human and I need to be loved ♪

♪ Just like everybody else does ♪

- Hey, can you take our picture? - Sure.

Thank you.

The meetings between the group members

were very accidental.

It was also a very barren time

when everybody seemed to be lost,

and the vile elements were taking over.

Four strangers cannot simply huddle together

and do what we do.

And whatever happens,

well, there has to be some kind

of mystical communion between them and some bond.

But with the Smiths on another level,

I really do think it is true.

I think this is really more or less the end of the story.

I came to bail you out,

stole all this money, and everything.

Mickey won't press charges.

Some revolution.

Bunch of freaks spent the night in the parking lot.

Should have been on the front page,

but by tomorrow, it'll be like it never happened.

I'll never forget it.

Come on, you look like you need a ride.

Where are you going?

I don't know. Where are you going?

Anywhere.

Anywhere?

Take me anywhere. I don't care.

♪ Learn to love me ♪

♪ Assemble the ways ♪

♪ Now, today, tomorrow and always ♪

♪ My only weakness is a listed crime ♪

♪ My only weakness is, well, never mind, never mind, oh ♪

♪ Shoplifters of the world ♪

♪ Unite and take over ♪

♪ Shoplifters of the world ♪

♪ Hand it over, hand it over, hand it over ♪

♪ Learn to love me and assemble the ways ♪

♪ Now, today, tomorrow, and always ♪

♪ My only weakness is a listed crime ♪

♪ But last night the plans for a future war ♪

♪ Was all I saw on Channel Four ♪

♪ Shoplifters of the world ♪

♪ Unite and take over ♪

♪ Shoplifters of the world ♪

♪ Hand it over, hand it over, hand it over ♪

♪ A heartless hand on my shoulder ♪

♪ A push and it's over ♪

♪ Alabaster crashes down ♪

♪ Six months is a long time ♪

♪ Tried living in the real world instead of a shell ♪

♪ But before I began ♪

♪ I was bored before I even began ♪

♪ Shoplifters of the world ♪

♪ Unite and take over ♪

♪ Shoplifters of the world ♪

♪ Unite and take over ♪

♪ Shoplifters of the world ♪

♪ Unite and take over ♪

♪ Shoplifters of the world ♪

♪ Take over ♪