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1
00:00:01,240 --> 00:00:04,140
[lively rock music playing]
2
00:00:04,240 --> 00:00:06,740
♪ ♪
3
00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:07,980
- Even though
it didn't work out
4
00:00:08,080 --> 00:00:09,620
with Ayesha's brother Ahsan,
5
00:00:09,720 --> 00:00:11,500
I still had to uphold
my end of the deal.
6
00:00:11,600 --> 00:00:15,580
I would audition with
Lady Parts for Sound Smash.
7
00:00:15,680 --> 00:00:17,980
- Someone is fucking out of tune
and it's throwing me off.
8
00:00:18,080 --> 00:00:20,100
- You better not be talking
about me, sis.
9
00:00:20,200 --> 00:00:22,500
- Where you off to?
- I've got labs.
10
00:00:22,600 --> 00:00:24,780
Sorry.
11
00:00:24,880 --> 00:00:26,660
So, so sorry.
12
00:00:26,760 --> 00:00:28,380
- What's wrong with you?
Where have you been?
13
00:00:28,480 --> 00:00:30,060
- Just stuck in labs.
14
00:00:30,160 --> 00:00:32,020
- I had to pick all the flower
arrangements without you.
15
00:00:32,120 --> 00:00:33,740
- Meanwhile,
I was also helping Noor
16
00:00:33,840 --> 00:00:35,380
plan her engagement party.
17
00:00:35,480 --> 00:00:38,100
It was my sacred duty
as her best friend.
18
00:00:38,200 --> 00:00:40,700
[indistinct chatter, laughter]
19
00:00:40,800 --> 00:00:43,520
Living two lives
was no mean feat.
20
00:00:44,440 --> 00:00:46,820
- Alive.
[all talking over each other]
21
00:00:46,920 --> 00:00:49,780
- I had newfound sympathy
for spies and philanderers.
22
00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:51,060
all: He's alive, he's alive.
23
00:00:51,160 --> 00:00:52,620
- Navigating these choppy seas
24
00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:54,220
of deception,
25
00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:56,500
I was master and commander.
26
00:00:56,600 --> 00:00:59,020
[rock music]
27
00:00:59,120 --> 00:01:01,100
♪ ♪
28
00:01:01,200 --> 00:01:04,420
- All that's left to get
is the rose gold fairy lights,
29
00:01:04,520 --> 00:01:07,380
champagne table covers,
carnation sheer drapes,
30
00:01:07,480 --> 00:01:08,860
brushed gold serving spoons.
31
00:01:08,960 --> 00:01:12,180
Amina?
You getting this?
32
00:01:12,280 --> 00:01:14,060
- Got it.
Got it.
33
00:01:14,160 --> 00:01:16,540
- Also, what else?
We need cake, who's on the cake?
34
00:01:16,640 --> 00:01:18,100
- We are.
35
00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:21,280
- Off again, are we?
- Yeah, labs, mad intense.
36
00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:24,260
- Babe, we know
what you're doing.
37
00:01:24,360 --> 00:01:26,300
- You do?
38
00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:28,860
- Obvi, you're
going to see Ahsan.
39
00:01:28,960 --> 00:01:30,700
- What?
40
00:01:30,800 --> 00:01:32,380
- I really like you, but just,
you know, as a friend.
41
00:01:32,480 --> 00:01:33,580
- Oh, shit.
42
00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:34,900
- That name,
43
00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:36,020
a bullet in the heart,
44
00:01:36,120 --> 00:01:37,460
a dagger in the clavicle.
45
00:01:37,560 --> 00:01:39,620
Got me.
[laughter]
46
00:01:39,720 --> 00:01:41,180
- Well, don't overdo it.
47
00:01:41,280 --> 00:01:43,140
- There is such a thing
as being too keen.
48
00:01:43,240 --> 00:01:44,900
- Mm-hmm.
- Ladies.
49
00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:47,860
You tell him we are so looking
forward to meeting him.
50
00:01:47,960 --> 00:01:49,580
- Yeah.
51
00:01:49,680 --> 00:01:51,100
I still hadn't told my friends
52
00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:52,620
that Ahsan had rejected me.
53
00:01:52,720 --> 00:01:54,580
They thought I was seeing him,
54
00:01:54,680 --> 00:01:56,060
when actually...
55
00:01:56,160 --> 00:01:57,660
- Sup, motherfuckers!
56
00:01:57,760 --> 00:02:01,820
Have I got news for you.
57
00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:03,460
- So did you get us a slot?
58
00:02:03,560 --> 00:02:04,940
- Saturday, 2:00 p.m.,
59
00:02:05,040 --> 00:02:06,940
Sound Smash audition.
60
00:02:07,040 --> 00:02:09,660
- Shit.
That's soon.
61
00:02:09,760 --> 00:02:11,140
- Well it's the only slot
they had.
62
00:02:11,240 --> 00:02:13,980
- It's fine, we're ready.
- Uh...
63
00:02:14,080 --> 00:02:16,860
2:00 p.m., Saturday?
64
00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:20,420
[laughs nervously]
Mm, I can't, mm-mm.
65
00:02:20,520 --> 00:02:22,580
- Ugh, Amina.
- What?
66
00:02:22,680 --> 00:02:24,180
- It's Noor's engagement party.
I can't miss it.
67
00:02:24,280 --> 00:02:25,660
I'm sorry, I just can't.
68
00:02:25,760 --> 00:02:27,820
- Wow, wow.
Relax, breathe.
69
00:02:27,920 --> 00:02:29,340
- [sighs]
70
00:02:29,440 --> 00:02:30,980
- Just tell her you need
to need to leave early.
71
00:02:31,080 --> 00:02:32,260
- I can't.
They don't know about the band.
72
00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:33,740
They cannot know
about the band.
73
00:02:33,840 --> 00:02:35,980
- Nice--healthy.
- [breathing nervously]
74
00:02:36,080 --> 00:02:37,780
- Hey, relax.
75
00:02:37,880 --> 00:02:40,180
We'll pick you up, do a quick
audition, and drop you back.
76
00:02:40,280 --> 00:02:41,700
- No one will even know
you're gone.
77
00:02:41,800 --> 00:02:42,980
- That.
78
00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:44,660
- Maybe I shouldn't
do the audition.
79
00:02:44,760 --> 00:02:46,580
I mean, I could puke.
I always puke when I perform.
80
00:02:46,680 --> 00:02:49,300
What if I puke?
Or worse...
81
00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:50,740
what if poo comes?
82
00:02:50,840 --> 00:02:52,940
- Poo is not gonna come.
83
00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:55,980
- Remember, this is not a
performance, it's an audition.
84
00:02:56,080 --> 00:02:58,340
Big difference.
No crowd.
85
00:02:58,440 --> 00:02:59,980
You'll just play
like you play with us in here.
86
00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:02,780
- I had performance anxiety,
Noor anxiety,
87
00:03:02,880 --> 00:03:05,740
living a double life anxiety.
88
00:03:05,840 --> 00:03:07,180
I was in over my head.
89
00:03:07,280 --> 00:03:09,220
[whimpering]
- Okay.
90
00:03:09,320 --> 00:03:12,620
I think we need to decompress,
hmm?
91
00:03:12,720 --> 00:03:14,300
Get out of Dodge for a bit.
92
00:03:14,400 --> 00:03:17,220
- [groans]
- [sighs]
93
00:03:17,320 --> 00:03:19,420
all: ♪ The toxicity
of our city ♪
94
00:03:19,520 --> 00:03:22,340
- Guys, where are we going?
95
00:03:22,440 --> 00:03:24,580
all: ♪ You,
what do you own the world? ♪
96
00:03:24,680 --> 00:03:28,340
♪ How do you own disorder,
disorder? ♪
97
00:03:28,440 --> 00:03:31,500
♪ Now somewhere between
the sacred silence ♪
98
00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:34,460
♪ Sacred silence and sleep ♪
99
00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:38,940
♪ Somewhere between
the sacred silence ♪
100
00:03:39,040 --> 00:03:41,180
[birds chirping]
101
00:03:41,280 --> 00:03:43,700
- Where are we?
- Countryside, baby.
102
00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:46,300
Sometimes we like
to kick it in The Shire.
103
00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:49,140
- This is where we unwind.
- Yeah, chill.
104
00:03:49,240 --> 00:03:51,260
- Is it safe?
105
00:03:51,360 --> 00:03:52,980
They wanted me
to get out of my head
106
00:03:53,080 --> 00:03:55,980
and into my body,
release my demons,
107
00:03:56,080 --> 00:03:59,460
unclench my sphincter,
find my Zen.
108
00:03:59,560 --> 00:04:01,500
[yells]
109
00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:04,740
- Come on.
I've got you.
110
00:04:04,840 --> 00:04:06,900
That wasn't so bad, was it?
111
00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:09,900
[pastoral music]
112
00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:13,180
♪ ♪
113
00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:16,640
- [yelling]
- [yelling]
114
00:04:20,520 --> 00:04:21,900
- Sorry, what's going on?
115
00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:24,480
[all yelling]
116
00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:27,900
[both grunting]
117
00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:30,720
[cows lowing]
118
00:04:31,360 --> 00:04:34,460
- Just relax and lie down,
feel the earth.
119
00:04:34,560 --> 00:04:36,140
Mother Nature says, "Chill."
120
00:04:36,240 --> 00:04:38,660
- I had never been
in the countryside before.
121
00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:40,460
Anything outside
London zone five
122
00:04:40,560 --> 00:04:42,500
was foreign terrain to me.
123
00:04:42,600 --> 00:04:44,180
It didn't feel right.
124
00:04:44,280 --> 00:04:46,980
Uh...
Whose land is this?
125
00:04:47,080 --> 00:04:50,060
- Whose land is this?
Whose land is this?
126
00:04:50,160 --> 00:04:53,500
Whose land is this?
- Whose land is this?
127
00:04:53,600 --> 00:04:55,140
- [grunts]
128
00:04:55,240 --> 00:04:57,060
- I mean, someone might own
this land, I don't know.
129
00:04:57,160 --> 00:04:58,660
- Just 'cause someone sticks
a flag into something
130
00:04:58,760 --> 00:05:00,500
doesn't make it theirs,
you get me?
131
00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:02,740
- This land is ours.
132
00:05:02,840 --> 00:05:04,780
We are Earth's natives.
133
00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:07,620
Our forefathers fought and died
in the white man's wars
134
00:05:07,720 --> 00:05:09,940
for the express purpose
that we would be able
135
00:05:10,040 --> 00:05:12,780
to sit here on this here land
136
00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:16,100
and smoke this here doob.
137
00:05:16,200 --> 00:05:17,740
- Great!
- Mmm.
138
00:05:17,840 --> 00:05:19,980
[cheering]
139
00:05:20,080 --> 00:05:22,980
[exciting rock music]
140
00:05:23,080 --> 00:05:30,080
♪ ♪
141
00:05:40,760 --> 00:05:43,460
- And just like that,
I let go.
142
00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:46,140
Somehow the band
had got through to me.
143
00:05:46,240 --> 00:05:48,860
And in this green
and pleasant land,
144
00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:52,520
I lay my troubles aside.
145
00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:54,780
Even Ayesha
and I were bonding...
146
00:05:54,880 --> 00:05:56,900
- Oi, listen yeah.
- Sort of.
147
00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:59,320
Yes, listening.
Sorry.
148
00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:02,820
- I don't mean to be
so hard on you.
149
00:06:02,920 --> 00:06:08,100
You're not a total loser
or a totally shit guitarist.
150
00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:09,500
- Thanks.
- You do get on my tits though.
151
00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:12,660
- Sorry.
- No, it's cool.
152
00:06:12,760 --> 00:06:15,520
It's band life, I guess.
153
00:06:17,280 --> 00:06:18,780
Sorry it didn't work out
with my brother.
154
00:06:18,880 --> 00:06:20,900
- Oh.
- I thought it might.
155
00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:24,340
Given how wet he is.
- [laughs] Yeah.
156
00:06:24,440 --> 00:06:27,440
[wood crackling]
157
00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:31,520
- Good chat.
158
00:06:32,840 --> 00:06:35,280
You're alright.
159
00:06:36,520 --> 00:06:41,660
- A toast to our newest
band member,
160
00:06:41,760 --> 00:06:43,940
a delightful freak show,
161
00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:46,660
a humble virtue, I say.
162
00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:50,140
A horny reprobate.
[laughter]
163
00:06:50,240 --> 00:06:51,500
And our great new friend.
164
00:06:51,600 --> 00:06:53,220
- Yeah!
- Whoo!
165
00:06:53,320 --> 00:06:55,060
- Am I really that bad?
166
00:06:55,160 --> 00:06:57,100
- That bad?
You're that good.
167
00:06:57,200 --> 00:06:58,420
- You gotta own your freakiness
168
00:06:58,520 --> 00:07:00,540
before your freakiness
owns you.
169
00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:02,820
- Bring on the audition!
170
00:07:02,920 --> 00:07:04,900
[all yelling]
171
00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:06,860
- Hey!
172
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:08,220
This is private land!
173
00:07:08,320 --> 00:07:10,300
- Sorry, sir,
this land is our land.
174
00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:11,700
We are Earth natives--
175
00:07:11,800 --> 00:07:13,300
- Run!
- Shit!
176
00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:15,260
[indistinct shouting]
177
00:07:15,360 --> 00:07:18,360
[cheering]
178
00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:23,140
- Back in the Big Smoke,
and I was feeling different.
179
00:07:23,240 --> 00:07:26,540
Something in the countryside
air changed me.
180
00:07:26,640 --> 00:07:28,940
I figured, maybe it wasn't
such a big deal
181
00:07:29,040 --> 00:07:30,700
to tell Noor about Lady Parts.
182
00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:31,900
- [sobbing]
183
00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:33,220
- I figured wrong.
184
00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:34,820
- Hon, it's fine.
You made a mistake.
185
00:07:34,920 --> 00:07:37,020
- I'm so sorry, Noor.
I didn't mean to.
186
00:07:37,120 --> 00:07:38,620
- What's going on?
187
00:07:38,720 --> 00:07:40,100
- Zeyba sent the wrong playlist
188
00:07:40,200 --> 00:07:41,700
to Osmond
for the engagement party.
189
00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:44,220
- Oh, so what's the big deal?
190
00:07:44,320 --> 00:07:46,060
- [scoffs]
- She sent her get-pumped
191
00:07:46,160 --> 00:07:48,580
playlist instead
of her get-wed playlist.
192
00:07:48,680 --> 00:07:51,660
- It had some
inappropriate tracks.
193
00:07:51,760 --> 00:07:54,220
- Inappropriate tracks?
194
00:07:54,320 --> 00:07:57,860
- "Sexual Healing."
[clears throat]
195
00:07:57,960 --> 00:07:59,700
"Pony."
196
00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:01,920
- "Girl I Want
to Make You Sweat."
197
00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:05,620
- Babe, you made a mistake.
198
00:08:05,720 --> 00:08:07,500
Sometimes it takes
something like this to happen
199
00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:09,660
for you to understand
your missteps.
200
00:08:09,760 --> 00:08:10,980
- Mm-hmm.
201
00:08:11,080 --> 00:08:12,500
- The highs of the countryside
202
00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:14,780
suddenly seemed
a distant memory,
203
00:08:14,880 --> 00:08:16,420
and not just for me.
204
00:08:16,520 --> 00:08:19,420
Saira's natural habitat
had been invaded,
205
00:08:19,520 --> 00:08:23,020
and she was confronted by
a new and terrifying obstacle.
206
00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:24,220
- Mmm.
207
00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:25,620
- A dinner date.
208
00:08:25,720 --> 00:08:28,060
- Abdullah, this lamb is sick.
209
00:08:28,160 --> 00:08:29,940
- Thanks.
It from to Saira's butchers.
210
00:08:30,040 --> 00:08:31,460
- Yeah, it was pretty much
about to go off,
211
00:08:31,560 --> 00:08:33,220
so I got it really cheap, so...
212
00:08:33,320 --> 00:08:35,500
- [coughs]
- Mm-hmm.
213
00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:39,060
- Saira and Abdullah were
newly official as a couple,
214
00:08:39,160 --> 00:08:42,420
an item, a thing.
215
00:08:42,520 --> 00:08:44,940
- So big day coming up
for you guys, huh?
216
00:08:45,040 --> 00:08:46,700
- What?
217
00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:48,700
- The audition.
218
00:08:48,800 --> 00:08:51,380
- Oh, yeah, yeah, we're finally
getting somewhere.
219
00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:53,220
And Taz is making waves
220
00:08:53,320 --> 00:08:55,180
with the whole online thing
too, so...
221
00:08:55,280 --> 00:08:57,780
- That's great, baby.
- Thanks.
222
00:08:57,880 --> 00:08:59,140
- Saira thought
she could do the whole
223
00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:01,980
girlfriend-boyfriend thing,
224
00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:03,660
but she was struggling
with the reality.
225
00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:05,540
- How's Marnie?
- Good, good.
226
00:09:05,640 --> 00:09:08,860
And she's killing it
in school, crazy smart.
227
00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:10,140
I don't know
who she gets it from.
228
00:09:10,240 --> 00:09:11,580
- She hardly ever puts down
229
00:09:11,680 --> 00:09:13,020
that Captain America
shield you got her.
230
00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:14,380
- What can I say,
my arrested development
231
00:09:14,480 --> 00:09:16,420
means I buy good presents
for kids.
232
00:09:16,520 --> 00:09:18,180
- Mm.
233
00:09:18,280 --> 00:09:21,280
- Hey, you'd make a great dad
one day, you know?
234
00:09:22,920 --> 00:09:25,340
- Um, Saira, you'd make
a great mum too one day.
235
00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:29,520
[chokes, coughs]
This lamb is so spicy.
236
00:09:31,560 --> 00:09:33,180
- Would anybody
like so more lamb?
237
00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:36,460
- I don't know if it's my bag,
the whole family thing.
238
00:09:36,560 --> 00:09:37,940
You guys are great,
don't get me wrong.
239
00:09:38,040 --> 00:09:40,660
And Marnie is fucking amazing.
- Thank you.
240
00:09:40,760 --> 00:09:43,900
- But I am not convinced
it's quite for me, you know?
241
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,620
- Why is that?
242
00:09:45,720 --> 00:09:47,340
- I'm gonna go
to the toilet.
243
00:09:47,440 --> 00:09:49,180
- Well, my parents were trapped
in a loveless marriage
244
00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:51,940
for 30 years,
hated each other.
245
00:09:52,040 --> 00:09:54,180
The only thing good about
my family was my big sister,
246
00:09:54,280 --> 00:09:57,060
but she went and died when
I was ten kind of randomly,
247
00:09:57,160 --> 00:10:00,120
so yeah, don't know.
248
00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:02,820
Jury is still out on the whole
starting a family sitch
249
00:10:02,920 --> 00:10:04,920
pour moi.
250
00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:12,160
- I'm just gonna...
Wasim!
251
00:10:14,520 --> 00:10:17,240
[utensils clattering]
252
00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:22,660
- How the fuck did you not
tell me you had a sister?
253
00:10:22,760 --> 00:10:25,140
- I don't know, it's personal.
254
00:10:25,240 --> 00:10:27,300
Plus, she's massively dead
so it doesn't really count.
255
00:10:27,400 --> 00:10:29,460
- Sorry, it counts.
That counts.
256
00:10:29,560 --> 00:10:32,260
[sighs]
257
00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:34,180
Look, I'm sorry,
I know it's must be horrible,
258
00:10:34,280 --> 00:10:38,540
but Bisma and Wasim know.
259
00:10:38,640 --> 00:10:40,700
- Bisma's my best mate.
260
00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:42,800
- So what am I, then?
261
00:10:44,040 --> 00:10:46,180
[gentle music]
262
00:10:46,280 --> 00:10:48,020
♪ ♪
263
00:10:48,120 --> 00:10:51,500
- Okay, so I hadn't told
my friends about the band,
264
00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:53,900
or that Ahsan
wasn't interested,
265
00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:56,100
but I'm a highly
intelligent woman.
266
00:10:56,200 --> 00:10:57,420
I could figure this out.
267
00:10:57,520 --> 00:10:59,580
Hey.
- Sorry--oh, hey--hey!
268
00:10:59,680 --> 00:11:01,620
- How's it--hey.
269
00:11:01,720 --> 00:11:03,300
Oh, no.
270
00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:06,340
- Listen, I'm really sorry
about the other night.
271
00:11:06,440 --> 00:11:11,460
I should have been way
more clear after the date.
272
00:11:11,560 --> 00:11:13,700
I'm sorry.
Ayesha told me you were upset.
273
00:11:13,800 --> 00:11:15,340
- I was fine.
I mean, I am fine.
274
00:11:15,440 --> 00:11:16,780
There is really
no need to apologise.
275
00:11:16,880 --> 00:11:19,360
- I'm not that kind of guy.
- I'm sure.
276
00:11:20,840 --> 00:11:23,020
Could this get
any more awkward?
277
00:11:23,120 --> 00:11:25,900
Uh-oh.
278
00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:27,780
- Hello.
279
00:11:27,880 --> 00:11:29,620
I'm Noor.
- Ahsan.
280
00:11:29,720 --> 00:11:31,700
- Oh, I know who you are.
- You do?
281
00:11:31,800 --> 00:11:34,540
- You two have literally
been inseparable.
282
00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:36,220
- Um...
- And I cannot wait
283
00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:37,660
to meet you properly on Sat.
284
00:11:37,760 --> 00:11:39,260
A couple of Imran's cousins
have bailed,
285
00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:40,460
so there's plenty of food
to go around,
286
00:11:40,560 --> 00:11:41,860
in case you were worried.
287
00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:44,420
Also, no dress code.
288
00:11:44,520 --> 00:11:47,140
Maybe smart casual--smasual.
289
00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:49,060
Sound all right?
290
00:11:49,160 --> 00:11:51,380
- S-sure.
Sounds good.
291
00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:53,100
- Perfect.
292
00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:56,380
Well, you two have fun now.
Not too much fun.
293
00:11:56,480 --> 00:11:58,680
- [laughs softly]
294
00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:02,900
- Does she think we're--
- Yes, I know, I'm sorry.
295
00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:04,660
I'm going set her straight,
I just haven't yet,
296
00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:05,740
'cause, I don't know if
being everyone's
297
00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:07,020
favourite loser
is boring.
298
00:12:07,120 --> 00:12:09,780
Am I right? Avoid. LOL.
299
00:12:09,880 --> 00:12:14,360
But yes--no, I will tell her.
I'm so sorry.
300
00:12:18,160 --> 00:12:20,420
- I could come with you.
- What?
301
00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:23,660
- If you want.
302
00:12:23,760 --> 00:12:27,380
My way of saying sorry
for misleading you.
303
00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:32,160
And I don't know,
maybe then we can call it even.
304
00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:35,580
- Oh, um...
305
00:12:35,680 --> 00:12:38,060
Things I thought could
never happen.
306
00:12:38,160 --> 00:12:40,340
Yeah, okay.
307
00:12:40,440 --> 00:12:43,140
One, Ahsan Alkaaf offering
to take me
308
00:12:43,240 --> 00:12:44,940
to Noor's engagement party.
309
00:12:45,040 --> 00:12:47,580
And two...
310
00:12:47,680 --> 00:12:49,780
me, Amina Hussein,
311
00:12:49,880 --> 00:12:51,580
rehearsing for an audition
312
00:12:51,680 --> 00:12:53,540
with a punk band?
313
00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:55,300
[rock music playing]
314
00:12:55,400 --> 00:12:57,380
♪ ♪
315
00:12:57,480 --> 00:13:00,380
- ♪ I'm sorry if I scare you,
I scare myself too ♪
316
00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:02,220
- ♪ I scare myself too ♪
317
00:13:02,320 --> 00:13:05,540
- ♪ You find me terrifying,
could it be you know who? ♪
318
00:13:05,640 --> 00:13:08,660
- ♪ What could I be hiding? ♪
- ♪ What could I be hiding? ♪
319
00:13:08,760 --> 00:13:10,180
- ♪ What could I be hiding? ♪
320
00:13:10,280 --> 00:13:12,020
- ♪ What could I be hiding? ♪
321
00:13:12,120 --> 00:13:13,860
- ♪ Voldemort's alive and... ♪
- ♪ Voldemort's alive and... ♪
322
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:16,340
- ♪ Voldemort's alive and... ♪
323
00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:18,940
both:
♪ He's under my headscarf ♪
324
00:13:19,040 --> 00:13:20,820
- ♪ He's alive, he's alive ♪
325
00:13:20,920 --> 00:13:23,620
both: ♪ Voldemort's alive,
and he's under my headscarf ♪
326
00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:25,500
- ♪ He's alive, he's alive ♪
327
00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:28,820
both: ♪ Voldemort's alive,
and he's under my headscarf ♪
328
00:13:28,920 --> 00:13:31,820
[energetic guitar riff]
329
00:13:31,920 --> 00:13:37,900
♪ ♪
330
00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:39,540
- ♪ Does the other head gear
scare you too? ♪
331
00:13:39,640 --> 00:13:40,940
- A hat?
- Helmet?
332
00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:42,860
- Nah, just you.
333
00:13:42,960 --> 00:13:44,820
- ♪ Does the other head gear
scare you too? ♪
334
00:13:44,920 --> 00:13:46,420
both: Hats?
Helmets?
335
00:13:46,520 --> 00:13:48,500
- ♪ What could I be hiding? ♪
336
00:13:48,600 --> 00:13:50,540
- ♪ What could I be hiding? ♪
- ♪ What could I be hiding? ♪
337
00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:52,380
- ♪ What could I be hiding? ♪
338
00:13:52,480 --> 00:13:54,300
- ♪ Voldemort's alive and... ♪
- ♪ Voldemort's alive and... ♪
339
00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:56,420
- ♪ Voldemort's alive and... ♪
340
00:13:56,520 --> 00:13:59,100
both:
♪ He's under my headscarf ♪
341
00:13:59,200 --> 00:14:00,900
- ♪ He's alive, he's alive ♪
342
00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:04,100
all: ♪ Voldemort's alive
and he's under my headscarf ♪
343
00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:05,620
- ♪ He's alive, he's alive ♪
344
00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:07,140
both: ♪ Voldemort's alive ♪
345
00:14:07,240 --> 00:14:09,900
all: ♪ And he's under
my headscarf ♪
346
00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:12,220
♪ ♪
347
00:14:12,320 --> 00:14:14,740
- ♪ Are you Hufflepuff?
Are you Gryffindor? ♪
348
00:14:14,840 --> 00:14:17,540
- ♪ No--Slytherin!
I'm fucking Voldemort ♪
349
00:14:17,640 --> 00:14:20,060
all: ♪ Voldemort, Voldemort,
ooh Volde- Voldemort ♪
350
00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:24,020
- Playing with Lady Parts
was actually kind of fun.
351
00:14:24,120 --> 00:14:27,380
I never thought I'd say it,
but bring on the audition.
352
00:14:27,480 --> 00:14:28,430
all: ♪ Voldemort ♪
353
00:14:28,440 --> 00:14:30,220
[bright music]
354
00:14:30,320 --> 00:14:32,980
- The day had finally arrived.
- Hmm.
355
00:14:35,480 --> 00:14:39,260
A light schmoozing at Noor's
engagement party with my fake man,
356
00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:42,060
get some kudos, why not?
357
00:14:42,160 --> 00:14:45,820
Followed swiftly by an epic
audition with Lady Parts.
358
00:14:45,920 --> 00:14:49,260
What could possibly go awry?
359
00:14:49,360 --> 00:14:50,580
[whimpers]
360
00:14:50,680 --> 00:14:52,860
[retches]
361
00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:56,300
- So this Ahsan
is interested in you?
362
00:14:56,400 --> 00:14:58,140
- Sure.
363
00:14:58,240 --> 00:15:00,100
I thought it best not
to divulge details to Mother.
364
00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:02,140
You know how she gets.
365
00:15:02,240 --> 00:15:03,660
- Are you dating?
- God, no.
366
00:15:03,760 --> 00:15:05,700
- You know what I mean,
the halal version,
367
00:15:05,800 --> 00:15:07,860
mutually interested
in a more-than friendship,
368
00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:10,780
but strictly nonsexual way,
or whatever you kids call it.
369
00:15:10,880 --> 00:15:14,060
- He's just a friend.
We're going as mutual friends.
370
00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:16,020
- Right.
371
00:15:16,120 --> 00:15:18,920
Mini, you know
you can tell me things.
372
00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:23,180
- Sure.
373
00:15:23,280 --> 00:15:25,960
[doorbell rings]
374
00:15:27,440 --> 00:15:29,260
[humming softly]
375
00:15:29,360 --> 00:15:31,360
[breathes deeply]
376
00:15:34,160 --> 00:15:37,740
- Shit.
Wow, okay.
377
00:15:37,840 --> 00:15:39,500
- Salaam, Aunty.
378
00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:41,500
- Right back at you, sweetness.
379
00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:43,600
- Inappropriate.
Hmm.
380
00:15:44,960 --> 00:15:47,820
- Yeah, after you.
- Thank you.
381
00:15:47,920 --> 00:15:50,040
- [exhales]
382
00:15:55,480 --> 00:15:58,760
- This is very weird.
- Yeah, it is.
383
00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:03,220
- Thanks for not
telling your sister.
384
00:16:03,320 --> 00:16:05,920
- Yeah, it's cool.
385
00:16:08,320 --> 00:16:10,820
- At the event,
do you mind not mentioning
386
00:16:10,920 --> 00:16:14,980
the audition or the band
to anyone ever?
387
00:16:15,080 --> 00:16:17,800
- Yeah, sure.
Sure.
388
00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:21,340
- If you could maybe just say
you go to Friday prayers
389
00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:23,220
at your local mosque,
just in case they ask.
390
00:16:23,320 --> 00:16:25,500
- Sure.
- Great.
391
00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:27,060
Yeah, I'm pretty sure
I've seen a rom-com
392
00:16:27,160 --> 00:16:29,500
with this sort of story line.
393
00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:32,300
Debra Messing hires
a male escort, Dermot Mulroney,
394
00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:34,540
to go with her to her
half-sister's wedding
395
00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:37,720
'cause she wants
to get to her ex-boyfriend.
396
00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:47,760
- Right, so I'm the male escort
in this scenario?
397
00:16:50,200 --> 00:16:51,580
- It's a rubbish film,
just awful.
398
00:16:51,680 --> 00:16:53,420
Like, 11% fresh rating
on Rotten Tomatoes,
399
00:16:53,520 --> 00:16:55,420
like, terrible.
400
00:16:55,520 --> 00:16:57,740
- I'm just messing.
401
00:16:57,840 --> 00:17:00,980
[soft laughter]
402
00:17:01,080 --> 00:17:03,020
- Mutual friends.
403
00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:05,380
Just two mutual friends
404
00:17:05,480 --> 00:17:09,540
going to an engagement party
mutually.
405
00:17:09,640 --> 00:17:13,600
Not weird at all,
totally normal.
406
00:17:15,360 --> 00:17:16,980
[gasps]
407
00:17:17,080 --> 00:17:20,060
- Hey, welcome.
Hey, hey, hey.
408
00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:21,860
Okay, so all the men
are over there.
409
00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:24,400
Imran.
Imran.
410
00:17:25,840 --> 00:17:27,380
- Salaam, Amina.
- Hi.
411
00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:30,700
- Welcome.
- So Imran, this is Ahsan.
412
00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:32,260
- Salaam, brother.
How are you both?
413
00:17:32,360 --> 00:17:33,300
- Well.
414
00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:34,900
- Very well.
- Well.
415
00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:36,040
- Well, you've been getting
to know each other well.
416
00:17:36,120 --> 00:17:37,580
- Yeah, very well.
417
00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:39,420
Not like that.
418
00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:41,300
Yeah, well.
- [laughs]
419
00:17:41,400 --> 00:17:43,620
Museums.
420
00:17:43,720 --> 00:17:45,460
- Sorry?
421
00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:47,100
- We really like
going to museums.
422
00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:49,580
- Oh.
- Tate, National Portrait...
423
00:17:49,680 --> 00:17:51,220
- Science Museum.
- Very cultured.
424
00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:53,220
- Mm.
- And the mosque.
425
00:17:53,320 --> 00:17:55,060
- Oh, which mosque
do you go to?
426
00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:58,700
- Just a local one.
427
00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:01,700
End of the road.
Ye olde local.
428
00:18:01,800 --> 00:18:03,860
[laughter]
429
00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:06,820
- Who is your imam?
- His name is...
430
00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:09,780
Imam Inunzimam.
- Mm.
431
00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:14,740
He's a new guy,
you know, beard.
432
00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:18,700
Wears a beret.
433
00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:20,180
- Oh, hip.
434
00:18:20,280 --> 00:18:24,390
- Very hip.
So shall we?
435
00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:27,300
[romantic music]
436
00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:32,860
♪ ♪
437
00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:34,620
- This was a favour.
438
00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:37,860
He was just doing me a favour,
439
00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:41,500
but I couldn't help
but be a little distracted.
440
00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:43,500
- She's not answering.
441
00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:46,340
- They're not gonna
wait for us.
442
00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:48,440
- [yells]
443
00:18:50,320 --> 00:18:51,860
- Guess we're waiting here,
then.
444
00:18:51,960 --> 00:18:54,220
[indistinct chatter]
445
00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:56,500
- You reeled
in a real nice catch.
446
00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:59,220
Mashallah. Mubarak ho.
447
00:18:59,320 --> 00:19:02,140
So come on, spill.
How'd you get Al Dreamy, huh?
448
00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:04,700
Do you think he had
Ugly Duckling syndrome?
449
00:19:04,800 --> 00:19:06,140
- What?
450
00:19:06,240 --> 00:19:07,460
- You know,
he was a fat kid growing up,
451
00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:09,300
then lost the weight,
got really buff,
452
00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:12,620
ugly duckling no more,
boom, swan, you know?
453
00:19:12,720 --> 00:19:14,500
So he doesn't really know
what league he's in.
454
00:19:14,600 --> 00:19:17,120
- [laughs]
- [laughs]
455
00:19:18,360 --> 00:19:21,180
Excuse me one second.
- Bye.
456
00:19:21,280 --> 00:19:23,740
[soft ambient music playing]
457
00:19:23,840 --> 00:19:25,900
♪ ♪
458
00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:29,060
- Male escort
reporting for duty.
459
00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:31,140
- Oh, I think I saw your
beret-wearing imam friend.
460
00:19:31,240 --> 00:19:32,900
He just cycled past,
carrying some baguettes.
461
00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:35,140
- Oh, I see how it is.
462
00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:37,420
[uneasy music]
463
00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:40,640
- More of a sausage fest
than I was expecting.
464
00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:44,520
Where are the woman folk?
465
00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:49,400
What the...
466
00:19:51,280 --> 00:19:53,260
What are you doing?
Thought you friend zoned her.
467
00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:55,220
- No, no, he came with me.
468
00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:56,660
- What?
469
00:19:56,760 --> 00:19:58,140
Whatever, we've gotta go now.
470
00:19:58,240 --> 00:20:01,900
- Uh, I'm sorry, miss,
this is a private event.
471
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:03,540
You need to leave.
472
00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:05,820
- Last time I checked, ma'am,
this was a free country.
473
00:20:05,920 --> 00:20:08,220
- No, this is Saira,
474
00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:12,800
my mum's sister's
sister-in-law's sister?
475
00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:15,580
- Yes, a family emergency.
476
00:20:15,680 --> 00:20:16,580
- Oh, no,
not a family emergency.
477
00:20:16,680 --> 00:20:17,980
- Oh!
478
00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:20,020
- She doesn't look
like your relative.
479
00:20:20,120 --> 00:20:22,020
- I was adopted.
480
00:20:22,120 --> 00:20:24,380
- I'll be right back.
481
00:20:24,480 --> 00:20:26,060
- Amina!
- Right back, promise.
482
00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:29,060
[cheerful rock music]
483
00:20:29,160 --> 00:20:31,500
♪ ♪
484
00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:34,100
- Okay, sorry we're late,
traffic was appalls.
485
00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:36,060
- 20 minutes late.
486
00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:38,340
You don't have time
to sound check.
487
00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:41,280
- No sound check, just go.
488
00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:48,260
- Saira, sorry.
489
00:20:48,360 --> 00:20:51,100
I can't, I can't.
I've never been a pub before.
490
00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:53,980
I think I'm getting drunk
on the booze fumes.
491
00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:57,760
- No, relax.
You can do this.
492
00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:00,900
- Okay.
493
00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:05,180
- Trust in yourself, man.
You're a great guitarist.
494
00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:07,940
- This was not a gig,
just an audition.
495
00:21:08,040 --> 00:21:10,780
Not a gig, just an audition.
496
00:21:10,880 --> 00:21:13,500
[panting nervously]
497
00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:15,600
- Ready?
498
00:21:17,600 --> 00:21:19,700
♪ Why won't you love me? ♪
499
00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:22,580
♪ Why won't you text me back? ♪
500
00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:25,060
♪ Leave me on read ♪
501
00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:27,060
- ♪ Ghost me like I'm dead ♪
502
00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:29,860
- ♪ Are my clothes too tight? ♪
503
00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:31,700
- ♪ But ♪
504
00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:36,460
- ♪ You say I'm not polite,
I say fuck you very much ♪
505
00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:39,100
♪ ♪
506
00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:41,060
- ♪ Bashir with a good beard ♪
507
00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:43,860
[muffled shouting]
508
00:21:43,960 --> 00:21:45,020
Amina, come on!
509
00:21:45,120 --> 00:21:47,120
- [gulps]
510
00:21:48,480 --> 00:21:51,420
- For fuck's sake,
play something.
511
00:21:51,520 --> 00:21:53,340
- Nothing would move.
512
00:21:53,440 --> 00:21:56,660
It was though gravity was
crushing me down into stasis.
513
00:21:56,760 --> 00:21:59,140
At least I wasn't puking,
right?
514
00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:01,340
♪ ♪
515
00:22:01,440 --> 00:22:03,540
- Sorry, we're having
a bit of a technical...
516
00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:06,980
- Technical?
Your guitarist isn't playing.
517
00:22:07,080 --> 00:22:09,660
- She's nervous.
It's fine, we'll try again.
518
00:22:09,760 --> 00:22:11,020
One, two--
519
00:22:11,120 --> 00:22:12,660
- Yeah, that's not
how it works.
520
00:22:12,760 --> 00:22:14,900
Next band, please.
- Wait, no, sorry, we're ready.
521
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:17,660
We've worked
really hard for this.
522
00:22:17,760 --> 00:22:20,260
- All the bands work hard.
- Come on, please.
523
00:22:20,360 --> 00:22:23,300
- Listen,
we're only gonna put on
524
00:22:23,400 --> 00:22:26,460
the very best unsigned bands
in the country, okay?
525
00:22:26,560 --> 00:22:29,300
If you have any kinks
you need sorting out,
526
00:22:29,400 --> 00:22:32,180
I suggest you do that
before you step on my stage.
527
00:22:32,280 --> 00:22:35,060
Next band, please.
528
00:22:35,160 --> 00:22:39,340
- And just like that,
it was all over.
529
00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:41,140
What had I done?
530
00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:43,460
I...
531
00:22:43,560 --> 00:22:45,560
[feedback screeching]
532
00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:48,420
- Nice one, mate.
533
00:22:48,520 --> 00:22:51,420
[melancholy rock music]
534
00:22:51,520 --> 00:22:58,520
♪ ♪
37579
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