Original subtitles

The winner of Crazy LAN Randers is Sebastian FML Larsen.

He will receive 500,000 kroner

and VIP events with the leading agents and scouts.

He may be the world's best Counter-Strike player,

and Sebastian is a sex god.

Sebastian! Sebastian!

Sebastian?

-Sebastian? -Yeah?

Wake up, dear.

-Hi, Mum. -Hi, my dear.

-Hi, Dad. -Hi.

Why are you here?

We just wanted to see this place and see you.

Dad wants to tell you something.

Don't go to that computer thing in Randers.

-There won't be any Scots. -What do you mean?

-Those computer talent-spotters. -Are you trying to say "scouts"?

Yeah.

There won't be any scouts.

Dad talked with a colleague at a meeting

and because he's so proud of you, he told about you going to Randers.

His colleague is from Randers and he told him

that there's another computer party on the same weekend.

A computer party!

It's called something with banana.

-Banana Hannover Hangover? -Yeah, that's it.

What funny names they have.

Did you know Banana was the same weekend?

Yeah, I knew. It was all under control.

What he's saying is legit. There won't be any fucking "scoots."

What is it?

Banana is a super nice "computer party", as you call it, Mum.

But it's a completely different segment.

So we don't bother with that, at all.

Don't worry, lads. We'll just focus on what we're best at.

Crazy LAN Randers is our focus.

That's what matters most in our lives.

First it's Crazy LAN Randers, then Skive, then you mention a banana.

Banana Hannover Hangover.

-Banana Hang... -Banana Hannover Hangover.

-Banana Hannover Hangover? -Yeah.

It's a huge tournament at the same time as Crazy LAN Randers.

And what's the point?

All the agents and scouts who matter won't be at Crazy LAN Randers,

because they'll be at Banana Hannover Hangover.

Why didn't you just go to Banana Hangover Hannover?

-Banana Hannover Hangover? -Yes.

Banana Hannover Hangover is huge. It's like the Champions' League.

You have to qualify, and that takes time. So we were fucked.

We could get Bananas cancelled.

Phone in a bomb threat.

I always make a bomb threat when I don't want to do something.

Trust me, lads. It works.

What does the captain say?

It's a great idea, Toke,

but I think I need to talk to Copy Allan about it.

-Don't forget to wear a condom. -What?

For when you "talk" to him. You can get some nasty diseases.

Especially when you "talk to" so many people at the same time.

You don't know who they've talked to.

What?

I only just heard it now.

All the scouts are going to Banana Hannover Hangover.

Bahano... Banana Hangover Hannover?

-Banana Hannover Hangover. -Bahana...?

-Banana Hannover Hangover. -Banano Hangover Hannover.

That's what I'm saying, bloody hell.

Fine.

Now listen.

Aren't all the scouts at this giant Blast Pro event in Copenhagen?

We can't get to Blast Pro. Our team is nowhere near good enough.

But there'll be scouts.

And so?

You have to learn to think, Sebastian.

Don't mock me. I've been learning how to think for a long time.

Stand up.

-Stand up? -Stand up. Come on.

Come on.

Come.

From now on, I'm your mentor.

-Okay, let's say so. -Yeah? Then do it.

Do what?

-Say it. -Say what?

Say "Allan, you're my mentor."

-Allan... -Yes.

You're my mentor.

"Because I deeply respect your

achievements in copying and printing." Say it.

Because I deeply respect your achievements

in copying and printing.

Thank you.

I'll pay to get you to Blast Pro.

then you convince some scouts to see us at Crazy LAN Randers.

Allan, it's damn fucking expensive. We can't afford it.

But I'm your sponsor, am I not?

That's what a sponsor does. He pays.

Go to Blast Pro! Make a racket!

For Randers! For Copy Allan! Eh?

Okay, let's do it.

Do you know you look like shit?

Not just like shit, but like shit in a ridiculous costume.

We have to be noticed to get those scouts to Randers.

Spread the word.

Do you think the scouts appreciate that you look like a clown?

This is marketing.

You don't get it.

No, but if you're doing a circus act, get some stilts too.

They're nice.

What are you doing?

Spreading the word on Reddit and 4Chan.

They're going to love you.

Okay, but take a good picture.

Hi, Henrik.

-Hi, Gustav. -Look to your left.

How do you feel about hospitals?

I haven't been in one since I had my appendix removed,

but I had a good experience. Why?

Carina and I have a 3D scan this afternoon.

But a job interview suddenly came up.

-Congratulations. -Thanks.

So I was wondering...

Could you go to the hospital with her instead of me?

I don't think I can do that, Gustav.

-You have other plans. -Oh, no.

I just can't take that 3D business. My stomach is too delicate.

I puked for three hours when I watched Avatar.

But this is totally different. It's like...

The scan is in 3D, but the image is normal.

So you don't need to wear the glasses?

No.

Then I can do it.

-For sure? -Yeah, of course.

-Are you serious? Thanks, my friend. -You're welcome.

Come to Crazy LAN Randers.

Here. Come to Crazy LAN Randers.

It's much cooler than this shit event.

Have one of these.

You look like scouts. How about going to Crazy LAN Randers?

Randers is a big city. Much better than Copenhagen.

It's embarrassing.

-Why don't you fucking wait for me? -Can't you see it's embarrassing?

Come to Crazy LAN Randers.

Crazy LAN Randers!

-Hi, Carina. -Hi, Henrik.

-Gustav isn't it. -No, he's at his job interview.

-Exciting. -Yeah, it's exciting.

Can you just tell me what's going on?

We're going to the hospital, you and I.

For that 3D scan, right?

Gustav said it's without glasses, so I'll be fine.

Okay.

Hello, Gustav. Call me. Now!

Has he got something lined up?

Gustav gets an interview every time there's something involving my tummy.

And don't touch the neighbour's plants.

Is he having an affair?

What? Gustav?

No, Carina. I can't imagine he is.

It's probably an unfortunate coincidence... multiple times.

-You should trust your husband. -And you should get a girlfriend.

That may change your mind.

I hope you work it out. I'm off.

-Good luck with the scan. -Henrik.

Will you come with me?

Yeah, sure.

-I'm fucking nervous. -Me too.

I've peed seven times the last hour.

I had diarrhoea this morning,

my pelvic floor is like a circus arena.

I just can't... contain myself right now.

How the fuck do you know what a scout looks like?

Watch and learn.

Move over, dustman.

Sorry, will you let me pass?

-I'm looking for a dance partner. -It won't be me.

Oh, shit. You two... Can you...?

Shit!

You again?

Aren't you way too old to be here?

Can't you come back when Phil Collins plays here?

-It's got 400 Watts suction capacity. -Yeah.

That's a lot.

-Oh, no. -What's up?

It's just someone called Solvej.

-What about Solvej? -I'm unhappily in love with her.

Come on. Let's go.

-Hello. -Hello.

-Hi, Solvej. -Hi.

-Hi, Chris. -Hi.

This is Solvej and Chris. Chris is from Norway.

-Okay. -Yeah.

-Just stretching your legs? -Yeah, we're out for a walk.

Always out, always happy.

Yeah, be careful.

Oh? Are you going to be a dad?

No... No.

Yes, you are, darling.

You're always joking, but... Yes, we're having a baby.

Sometimes he can't comprehend it.

But he's going to be a dad, and our bundle of joy will be arriving soon.

Right? I didn't know you had a girlfriend.

-Well, actually... May I tell them? -What?

We actually split up for some time.

But our love is too great. We're so much in love.

The passion can get too much and you need some breathing space,

but we got back together, and soon our baby will be here.

Right, darling?

Congratulations.

-That's a huge thing. -Congrats, fellas. It's massive.

-Yeah... It's very exciting. -Yeah.

Wonderful.

-We'd better get home. -Yeah, we should make a move.

Sex brings labour along, as they say.

And Daddy Henrik is so good in bed.

It's the best sex I've ever had.

It's crazy. He's trained me in all kinds of lovemaking.

You're a master, darling. You are a master.

Well, I think we also have to move on.

-Bye. -Take care. Congratulations, Henrik.

-Bye, Chris from Norway. -Yeah.

-What are you up to? -That made her jealous.

-Trust me, she's yours. -How do you know?

If you watched Paradise Hotel you'd know about female guile.

It's only for women who know the game.

I don't get TV 3.

But we're leaving. I'm fed up being here.

Where the fuck are you, guys? I don't know where you went.

-What? -Come over here.

The backstage room is over there, right?

We have to get there. It's where the elite is.

-Just go. Do you need to be carried? -I need a fucking backstage pass.

If you make a diversion, something fucking crazy,

then all the guards will chase you and I can sneak in.

-Hey! Stop him! -Hey! Stop! Stop!

Easy now.

Hey, what's up, Pretty and Niller?

-Great to see you. -Do you know each other?

That guy? He's my mate Toke.

-So is everything cool? -Yeah, we're just messing.

-Are you going in? -Can we? Seriously?

Yeah.

Kasim! Kasim! Kasim!

Stop. You're not getting in.

Also, one time I was going to school,

but there was this cool online tournament

and I just had to compete.

I phoned in a bomb threat, and they closed the school for seven days.

-And you do this on your Stream? -Yeah, I do.

I know what you're saying.

Have you ever been to Crazy LAN Randers?

It's cool, with lots of merchandise.

It's much cooler than Banana in Hannover. Fuck that.

Here's a cap if you want to be super street.

This kid is gonna take it over.

His ego is so big.

If he's on your team, hold on to him.

He's going to be rolling through.

It would be cool if scouts like you would come.

We're from Copenhagen City Council.

Toke! Toke, my man!

Stop right there.

-I'm joining the lads. -No.

They're my mates. I know Kasim. Kasim!

I have no idea what that freak show is.

-Let's talk on the sofa. -Leave.

I'm with them! I'm with them!

Toke! Help me, Toke!

Anything to say to your fans?

Toke! Toke! Fuck!

Shit. This is fucking amazing.

No! Help!

There.

Gustav, call me.

Don't get agitated, it will stress the baby.

-It's stressing. -Yeah.

Breathe in.

Yes.

Now, look here.

There it is. Nice and big.

It's so beautiful.

It's really beautiful.

Would you like to know the sex?

Yes, we'd very much like to know.

It's a little girl.

Is it a girl?

Oh!

Her heart sounds like this.

I'll record it.

It's making me broody.

-You're going to be an uncle. -I'd love that.

-Uncle Henner. -Uncle Henner.

Alright.

Fuck!

Fuck, man!

Oh, no.

Are you fucking serious? You again?

This time, it was you who bumped into me.

Are you on medication or something?

Fuck off back to the hole you climbed out of,

you fucking incompetent, intolerant, disabled mole.

-Are you Peter Hornsleth? -Yeah.

-What's up? -Hey.

-Do you have time for a selfie? -Yeah, sure.

Of course. No problem.

-Thanks a lot. -You're welcome.

-Have a great evening. -You too.

Bye, boys.

-What the fuck are you doing? -That's Peter Hornsleth.

Was he Peter Hornsleth?

Yeah, that was Peter Hornsleth.

Hold on. The guy who was here, whom I bumped into.

I'm not kidding. Was that fucking Peter Hornsleth?

He's the best scout in Denmark.

He discovered Dupreeh and Olofmeister.

Aizy, Lucas... He's a fucking legend.

-Fuck! -Why? We got a selfie.

Fuck, fuck, fuck!

Fucking shoot me!

He's coming to Crazy LAN Randers to see us.

That's great news.

Great that he's coming. I just hope nobody will see that video.

It's too late, Seb.

-Thanks for now. -Yeah, thanks for now.

-I'm so happy, Henrik. -So am I.

Thanks for coming.

-It was a wonderful experience. -Yeah, totally.

So beautiful. These are for you.

-Will you be alright? -Yeah.

-Yeah? -Yeah.

Good luck with Solvej. She'll come crawling to you.

-Oh, yeah. Let's hope so. -Yeah.

-Fingers crossed. -Let's hope he gets the job.

He's not at an interview.

Where is he?

Where do you think?

It was a wonderful day, Henrik. See you.

Yeah, we'll... Bye.

Henrik?

Why do you tell lies, Gustav?

-Er... -Why?

-It's just... -Lying is not nice.

I'm a trusting person, and you betrayed my trust in you.

I know. Sorry, Henrik. I know.

How can I trust you again?

How?

Sometimes I just can't...

It's all too much for me.

Carina, the baby, the future and all that. I can't...

It... It feels like an enormous pressure.

I find it difficult to know what to do.

Listen to this.

-What is it? -Listen.

You're going to have a beautiful baby girl soon.

-Is it a girl? -It's a girl.

The midwife says everything is fine. She was so beautiful.

-Carina is nervous too, Gustav. -Yeah.

She's never been a mum before either.

But together you can work it out as you go along.

You're right.

I'm done with lying.

Hello, darling? Hi. Yeah.

I know. I'll come straight home.

I'm parking right now.

Henrik?

-I'm not having a baby. -What?

I'm not having a baby, and Carina is my friend Gustav's girlfriend.

And we weren't going home to...

It was female guile.

-Female guile? -Yeah.

She's seen on Paradise Hotel that intrigues work well.

-I don't understand a thing. -She wanted to make you jealous.

Why?

Because I'm crazy about you.

Are you crazy about me?

Yeah.

But I'm with Chris.

I can learn Norwegian.

It's just silly Danish, isn't it?

Top of the morning, let's have some craic.

Henrik, you lied to me.

I can't tolerate lying, nectarines and some grasses.

Carina told the lie, and they are lying in their relationship,

but I want to be honest with you.

"The fence is no better than the thief."

My family always said so.

You're a thief yourself. You stole my heart.

-What's that? -Your heart.

You can have it back.

I don't want it.

Take it.

No.

Here you go.

No, Henrik. It wouldn't work.

You're too much of a bad boy for me.

Solvej, can't we...?

But...

THANKS FOR THE TIP. YOU WERE RIGHT. DAD.

It's going back to normal. That's quite funny.

What's so funny?

At a certain time it was kind of like the calm before the storm.

Please elaborate on that.

Do you know Hassan Idris?

-Idris? -Yeah.

Why have you had contact with Hassan Idris?

I haven't.

Subtitles by: www.plint.com