Original subtitles

Fucking computer! What the hell's going on?

-Did you check the account balance? -Of course I did!

What a stupid question, Henrik.

-Do you mean in online banking? -Maybe you should check it.

I'll check the bank balance.

Nem ID.

Check Nem ID.

-Do you know your national ID number? -Yeah, I know it.

MINUS 32,521 KRONER CARD BLOCKED

Right.

Fair enough. Of course.

How did you spend so much?

I spent it on skins for the team.

We don't need all those skins, Sebastian.

Bloody hell. What are you going to do?

Lads, the deadline to pay for Crazy LAN Randers is on Thursday.

-We need some ideas. -We could sell Boss Mike's computers.

We don't need them all.

Cool. Raj won't be hogging bandwidth with his 4 K bird videos.

There is enough internet for all.

No, Raj. Not when your pigeons are sucking it all up.

They're not pigeons, they're whiskered terns.

They're still ugly. 720 P is enough.

That's enough from you.

I love birds.

We're not going to sell computers, Toke.

We could sell your kiddy speed and make a killing.

If you want an unreliable entry fragger who only does team kills,

then by all means let's do it.

If you want a quick buck, it's got to be blood diamonds, bro.

I happen to know that a lorry load of blood diamonds

is arriving to the North Harbour at 7 tomorrow.

How come you know? You don't do crime, you say.

I don't. My brother Hassan told me.

I'm not getting involved, but thanks for the invite, Kasim.

I'm just saying you can make good money.

And you can die from getting stabbed in the face. Bad idea, Kasim.

Henrik. Come up with something brilliant.

Tell me the idea you've been mulling over.

I can only think about cheese.

But it could easily take six months to mature it properly.

We've only got three days.

-It won't be cheese, then. -No, probably not.

Okay. It's up to me to save the team again, as always.

We have to approach it analytically, like a proper professional team.

-What do Astralis have that we don't? -Everything.

Exactly. Astralis have talent, so do we.

They have willpower, so do we.

Astralis have a sponsor...

We need a sponsor!

Henrik! Come on!

Just give them your pitch.

-I'm big time nervous. -Don't be.

-Let me hear the pitch again. -What?

Your pitch. Let me hear it again.

Then ancient Olympics were held in classical Greece.

Where athletes competed at Olympia in running and disc throwing.

Today, modern athletes compete in front of computer screens

in what is best known as...

-You don't like it. -No, Sebastian. I think it's great.

Really good.

I like your commitment and you're a good storyteller.

I ripped it off Wikipedia.

That's what's so great about it.

You can't hear that it's Wikipedia. It sounds like your words.

Okay.

-The necktie is too tight. -We'll just loosen it. There you go.

Listen, Sebastian. Look at me.

You go in there and bowl them over.

Yeah.

Remember, it's about your future and your dreams.

And if you don't make it, you have to live a normal life.

Like your dad.

Your dad, your dad...

I don't want that. We need that sponsorship, Henrik.

-Hi. -Hi.

-Is the boss around? -Yeah, he's standing over there.

-Hello. -No.

-What? -Just no.

-I haven't spoken yet. -I don't care.

Your clothes and vibes say you want to sell me something.

Buddy, I ain't buying. Okay?

No, let me just...

The ancient Olympics were held in classical Greece.

Jesus Christ.

-Athletes competed... -It's a no.

I... I'm looking for a sponsor for my gaming team.

Thank you.

I'm not leaving without sponsorship.

Tony, do you have a moment?

-Piss off. -Thanks.

-How did it go? -It went so well.

Really?

Yeah.

-No, really? -Yeah.

-Sebastian. -Don't touch me!

The ancient Olympics were held in classical Greece.

Athletes competed in wrestling and disc-throwing.

Today, modern athletes compete in digital contests with computers.

E-sport is the latest and greatest sport.

Please support my team.

When will I get my investment back?

Er... very soon.

How soon? A week? A month? A year?

You need to know your stuff, Sebastian.

You don't know your product or your figures.

And that's why I'm out.

You can't not be in. This is not Dragon's Den.

Yes. And you've just been had.

This is making me hungry. Can you make me a hot dog?

I thought you'd quit.

I haven't quit hot dogs. I'm emotional and frustrated.

So I want to steady my nerves wit a hot dog.

You owe me 359.50.

And one hot dog.

Fine.

I realised I had one option left,

which is that my dad does the accounts for some guy called Allan

who has a print shop.

Copy Allan?

Yeah. Do you know him?

Maybe.

Positive energy, Sebastian. Third time lucky.

Can you do it with a blue background instead?

-Hi, Wilhelm. -Hi.

...to the left. We'll make it blue. To my left.

Funny that he works here.

To the left. Look at me.

-Hi, Copy Allan. -Hi.

-Do you remember me? -Sebastian!

Yes.

Wow! You look like you're ready to take the business world by storm.

Print cartridge by print cartridge.

I'm not going into the printer business. At least not yet.

I play computer games a lot. A lot of Counter-Strike.

-Astralis? -Yeah, there's a team called that.

So you know them?

-Wow! -Yeah.

Do you know them? Are you related to Device?

No. I know him from a place... Never mind.

Okay. Listen.

Let me guess.

-You have a Counter-Strike team. -Yes.

And you want Copy Allan as your sponsor.

Yeah.

What's your name?

We don't have a name.

We have lots of weird names, but we don't need a name.

We could be Team Printshop.

It's brilliant. Brilliant.

Cool.

Great! Do we have a deal?

No, I don't do sponsorships.

It's a matter of principle.

I love gaming, but it's not going to happen.

Come on, Sebastian. Let's try somewhere else.

-Is he with you? -He's our main orp, Henrik.

Great reflexes and amazing spray.

Just hold on.

Look, I'm getting an idea.

I have some heavy boxes to lift at home.

Could you help an old copy shop guy with that?

Do you want to sponsor us if we shift some boxes for you?

Great! Yeah! That's so cool!

It must be here.

-Won't you take the jacket off? -No.

-Hi. -Hi there.

-What the hell? -Are you from Just Eat?

No. We came to lift some boxes.

I'm just kidding. Call me Sassie.

-Hi, Sassie. -Welcome, boys.

Hello.

I'll fix you some food.

Hi.

I'm Ulla.

-Hi. -Hi, Ulla.

I'm Henrik.

Welcome, gentlemen.

Enjoy yourselves. There's plenty of food and drink.

Undress, jump in the pool. Get wet. Have something to eat.

We came to move those boxes. You just have fun.

What boxes?

Help yourselves. Enjoy life. You only live once.

-LOL. -Jolo, jolo.

We'd better shift those boxes.

Henrik, he's our business partner.

We have time for him.

Besides, the food is yummy.

So...

Just wait for the dessert.

Dessert?

You're so young and handsome.

My husband used to be young too. Yeah.

Don't you want your drink, Sandra?

Call me Sassie. That's my name.

-Your name is Sandra. Why...? -Shut up, Ole!

Bloody hell. Call her Sassie if that's what she wants.

I don't get it. Your name is Sandra, fuck it.

Easy now. We have visitors. I'll get you a drink.

-Yeah. -Alright?

-Engaged. -Sebastian, it's me.

Those people are weird. They're up to something.

-They're up to something. -No, they're not.

This is just what business is like.

-Is it normal business? -Get used to it.

Did you see how Sassie inspected my fingers?

She was like the witch in Hansel and Gretel.

They're saying the dessert is a surprise.

Henrik.

What if we're the dessert?

They're not cannibals!

They're hippie businesspeople like Christian Stadil.

I've seen it before. They have these tendencies. Rich people like them...

Rich people? He runs a print shop. He's not Mark Zuckerberg.

He is the biggest HP dealer in the whole local council area. So...

Let's go down there and play by their rule.

For the team.

For the team.

We moved the boxes, Copy Allan sponsored us,

and there's nothing more to say.

Okay. Okay.

There were no boxes.

No.

-Did you taste the sauce? -Yes, I did.

Could you taste how many asparaguses I put in it? Seven.

Ole...

Sebastian...

It's a nice crowd you've got here. Nice and friendly people.

-Do you want to dance? -Dance? No.

I actually have some lower back issues and...

Dance, dance, dance...

Interesting characters. You seem like a close-knit group.

It's perfectly alright if you guys can't be bothered to shag my wife.

No worries, we'll do it. What did you say?

If you don't feel like it.

You're young and good-looking.

And super sexy.

It's not funny.

No.

Aren't you going to take that necktie off?

-This tie? -Yeah.

-No. -Let me.

It's okay.

-It looks tight. -It's fine, Ole.

Okay, we're doing some kind of waltz.

Oh, okay. Not so hard.

-It's okay. -May I have a feel?

-It's just... -You're tense.

-Come here, Sebastian. -No.

-I just want to help you. -Ole! Stop it!

-Please. -Where are you going?

I'll take my drink... Just stay here and mind my drink.

We were having such a good time.

Henrik! Henrik!

What's up, Sebastian?

Okay. I've got mixed news.

Great news, really great news.

We can get a sponsored car and money for the team.

What's the bad news?

It depends on how you look at it. It could also be great.

Okay?

The car and money will cost us a bit.

We have to shag for it.

That's what I was saying. I'm not shagging anyone.

-Henrik. -No, I'm not doing it.

I know it's a bit of a snag,

but they could be disgusting. They're rather nice people.

-I won't cheat on Solvej. -What?

I'm going to live happily ever after with Solvej, not shag old ladies.

-Solvej? -Yes.

Listen to me, Henrik.

There'll be no you and Solvej unless you go downstairs and do it.

-I won't do it. -Hello?

Let's leave.

-No. -Yes.

We're not leaving. We need this sponsorship.

-It'll be without me. -Henrik.

I'm sorry.

Henrik. Henrik, come back.

Henrik!

Henrik!

Won't you come out?

Are you in there?

Hi.

I've got three rules: I'll only do it with women,

no fingers or anything else up my bum,

and I'll only do it ten times.

-Did you go along with it? -Yeah.

I mean, they didn't pressure me.

They weren't all my type, but I hadn't had sex for a long time.

It was pretty okay.

So I'd say I went along with it.

You really did do everything for your team.

Gaming was my life.

What's up, Seb?

How did it go?

It went pretty well.

We got our sponsorship.

Did we get three months' sponsorship and a car?

Six months.

Six months?

Lads. Lads.

-What's up? -Sebastian just told me that...

He got us sponsored.

-You're kidding! -I'm totally not kidding.

Good job, Seb. Way to go.

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