Original subtitles

[grand music]

- What is a ribbon,

but a barrier between you and them?

Your scissors must be sharp enough to cleave iron

and your opponent.

I want a clean cut, girls.

No frays.

Ready? And snip.

- [whimpers]

- That's perfect, Sharon.

No frays whatsoever.

Good you.

Oh, my.

Karon, this is awful.

- Oh, I'm so sorry, Your Majesty.

- It's fine, dear. - Oh.

- Now cut your hair off.

- What?

- Cut your hair off, but only the right side.

- But that's my good side.

- Not anymore. Snip, snip.

- Oh.

[whimpering]

Oh, my, that is awful.

Well, every time you look in the mirror,

let it remind you of the importance of practice.

Sharon always practices.

You're my perfect little warrior.

Come stand next to me.

The rest of you, shoo.

- [gasps]

- Hark, hark! The boney general approaches.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- Your Majesty.

- General Skelly,

your bony feet have scuffed my nice floor.

- Oh. I apologize.

I'll...remove them.

[grunting]

Ow!

[grunting]

Ah! Oh!

- [sighs]

- [grunting] [bones squeaking]

- What is it you want, General?

- I come with tales to tattle, my liege.

Brendar the Barbarian is making a fool of you.

Right now, she's out there questing.

- Did you say Brendar is questing?

- She and her group are on their way

to the lair of the demon Alvin.

- That's impossible, Your Majesty.

- We shall see.

[mystical shimmering]

[grunting]

- Are we there yet?

- We'll get there when we get there.

[grunting]

- Well, Sharon?

- How could she be questing?

I took her slogan! I defeated her!

- Silence!

You do not speak unless I say you can speak.

- [sighs]

- Give me the supplies I need,

and I will track down that barbarian

and, in your name,

take her out once and for all.

- [sighs]

I do like that.

General Skelly, I will give you

all the power and riches you desire,

but I want one thing in return.

- Anything, Your Majesty.

- Bring me the boots of Brendar the Barbarian.

- ♪ A troll burned his bridge ♪

♪ A warrior lost her crown ♪

♪ I'm not being poetic ♪

♪ That's literally what went down ♪

♪ Together their journey has begun ♪

♪ Combining might and melody ♪

♪ To quest and smite a demon ♪

♪ And find their true family ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ "The Barbarian and the Troll" ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

♪ "The Barbarian and the Troll" ♪

♪ ♪

[quirky music]

- Well, we're lost.

Horace! - Huh?

- Ugh.

You had the map upside down this whole time?

- [teeth chattering]

- Is it too late for me to migrate?

- We should have been going south, not north.

- [laughs, grunts]

- [grunts]

- Whoo! Ha! I got you.

- Not cool, Evan.

- [laughs] Now you get me.

Come on, make one. Toss it.

- Evan, I'm not in the mood.

- How can you not be in the mood?

Look at all this snow.

It makes me feel like making a snow angel.

[whimsical music]

[laughs]

Whoo!

Oh, She's beautiful. I'm gonna name her Charlotte.

[laughs]

- Let's blow this literal popsicle stand.

- We're figuring it out.

- Start with going down this mountain.

Hey, look.

- Ugh, Evan!

- It's Mr. Chillberg.

He's 32 and likes hot drinks,

even though they're bad for him.

Hey, Horace, you think you could zap him with your staff

and make him come to life?

Because then we'd have a new quest friend.

- What did he say?

- [teeth chattering]

♪ ♪

Yeah, that's what I heard.

At least there's a break in the storm.

- Brendar, leave him.

The storm's coming back stronger.

I can feel it.

- We're not leaving anybody.

We don't have time for games.

- Chill out, Brendar.

Get it? 'Cause it's so cold? [laughs]

- Okay. There's no time for play.

We gotta go. - Brendar, behind you!

[both scream]

- [roaring]

- Sorry, Mr. Chillberg. [grunts]

[tense music]

- [roaring]

♪ ♪

[groans in slow-motion]

- Yeah! - Way to go, Evan.

- All right!

[indistinct] - Whoo-hoo!

[laughs]

Are you okay?

- That was quick thinking, Evan.

- Well, I can't take any credit.

It was all Mr. Chillberg.

- We have to get out of here

before that thing wakes up.

- It was the troll!

- I saw the whole thing!

- Why do they hate us?

- Why? - Stop right there!

I am General Gertie of the Florffs.

- The Florffs?

Florffs: We are the Florffs!

- No one is going anywhere

until we get to the bottom of this attack.

- Attack? That thing tried to kill us.

- That "thing" is a snowgre.

- [gasps] A snowgre?

That sounds scary.

- Well, they're positively frightening,

and our Fluffy is the scariest in Florff community.

- He's moving!

both: He's moving! - Watch out!

[all shouting] - [groaning]

[panting]

- Oh? - Huh?

- [purring]

- Aww.

- Evan, don't go over there-- [sighs]

- [laughs] Who's a cutie? You are.

Yes, you are, with your big tum-tummy.

- Two of a kind.

- Blech! [laughs]

I think he likes me.

[laughs] You're so cute.

- That troll is under arrest for damaging our snowgre.

- Fluffy's fine. Look at him.

- If Fluffy were fine, you'd be in pieces by now.

You've ruined him.

- He's a kitten!

- Who will protect us?

- The troll needs to pay.

- Take the troll!

- Freeze his credit!

- Because of this troll's actions,

we are now vulnerable.

He must stand before our judge.

- Okay, we don't want any trouble,

so let me just explain to the troll what's happening.

Get over here. - Whoa!

- Okay, I don't know these creatures or their ways,

but we're making a run for it in three, two...

- One step forward and I will have

every single flake of snow

coming down on you within seconds.

We control the avalanches.

[Florffs singing]

- [whining]

[rumbling]

- You won't stand a chance.

Take this troll they call Evan.

- Huh? What? Oh! [grunts]

No! Florffs: ♪ Ho, ho, ho ♪

- I'm really scared about what's gonna happen next,

but I still love the snow!

- [whines]

[Florffs muttering]

[tense music]

- How you doing? - Oh, I'm fine.

The Florffs are being very sweet to me.

In fact, my guard, Andy de Florff,

he's teaching me all about snow.

Did you know no two snowflakes are alike?

- Yeah, but all of them are freezing.

I'm so cold, I can't even feel my drumsticks.

- [chattering]

- Dad, how can you be thinking about lunch right now?

- Psst, Brendar, the storm is getting closer.

We gotta hit the ice fast.

- Florff Court is now in session.

The honorable Judge Rainelle Florff presiding.

- Opening statements.

- I am Brendar the Barbarian.

Ah!

Who threw that? Reveal yourself, coward.

- It's not your turn to speak.

- A barbarian doesn't need permission.

[grunts] [sighs]

- You're walking on thin ice.

- Mm-hmm.

- Your Honor, Beauregard Jefferson Florffington III,

Esquire, for the Florffs.

Now, the Florff community is a--

is a humble community,

but how can we sustain our way of life

when the Warm Bloods invade our town

and damage our most fearsome protector?

[muttering] - [whines]

- Our community is doomed.

I demand the troll be held for...

murder!

[all gasping]

- Murder? - Oh, my.

- What? Oh, I'm sorry, Margaret.

That's my to-do list.

I meant to say cruelty to our Fluffy.

[muttering] - False alarm.

- You can speak now, Barbarian.

You got anything you want to say?

- Yeah, your Fluffy was about to make us his breakfast,

and Evan was just protecting us.

- Yeah. Hi, everybody. I'm Evan.

all: Hi, Evan.

- And I'm very sorry about what happened.

- I doubt it.

- He really is.

In a way, Evan is our Fluffy,

if Fluffy was a purple troll who played music.

Anyway, we'll pay any fine and just be on our way.

Okay? - [grunts]

- Come on! Is that necessary?

- Evan the musical troll

must stand trial for Fluffy cruelty.

[shouting]

- Yeah, sounds fair.

- What?

[whip cracks]

- Mush!

Mush!

Mush!

Once I get Brendar's boots,

I'll be rich and powerful.

I'll rule the world.

Mush!

- You know, hold on one second.

General, I feel like I must point out here

that none of us are named Mush.

- Wha--

- I'm Michael, and this is Linda.

- It's good to see you, General.

- And up front is--

- Enough! Just go faster.

- Ah, sure, he gets Enough's name right.

- Go!

[bluesy guitar] - ♪ Staying positive ♪

♪ In the face of certain Florffs ♪

♪ Freezing and shivering ♪

♪ Missing my dwarves, yeah ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

- They were gnomes, Evan.

- Yeah.

Wha--oh, hey, guys.

- Come on. We're going. - What do you mean?

- What do you mean, "What do you mean?"

We're busting you out, kid.

- We can make a run for it.

We just have to get going

before General Avalanche figures out we're gone.

- But what about the trial?

- Forget the trial. It doesn't matter.

- Of course it matters.

You see, we Warm Bloods have to--

- You are a troll,

not a Warm Blood.

We have a chance. Let's go.

- Brendar, I can't leave until I face the Florffs.

Justice for Fluffy!

- [groaning]

- Are you kidding me?

- Brendar, we have to beat that storm.

- You're right. I'll chop down the cell.

- No, no, no. Stop. No, no, no.

Each one of these bars takes seven sundowns to form.

- Stop talking about the Florffs.

Evan, listen to me.

I am so close to Kendar

that I can't stop for all this nonsense.

- Well, then go.

Brendar, you have what you need to get your brother.

You have Axe, you have the map.

You don't need me. I want you to go.

- But I don't know what the Florffs are gonna do to you.

- Well, that's a risk I have to take.

You gotta go before that storm comes.

- He's right.

We can wait out the storm with him.

- [groaning]

- That storm won't be warm.

- Go get your brother Kendar, Brendar.

- [sighs]

- We move in first light.

Once I have those boots,

all the wealth and power I desire will be mine!

But first, dinner.

- What?

Oh, yeah. Right away, boss. Yeah.

[grunts]

- Linda. - What?

- You forgot to pack the food.

- No, I was supposed to pack the cheese grater.

You were supposed to pack the food.

- [gasps] Ah.

Maybe General Skelly won't notice.

- Yes, nothing like eating

food cooked over an open flame

under the blanket of stars

to put the marrow in a man's bones.

[grunts]

- Quick, think of something!

- Follow me. - Coming.

Here you are, General.

- A frosted chili with a demi-glace.

And how about a little garnish for you there, boss, eh?

Yeah. So fresh. So tasty.

- But I wanted something hot.

- Oh, great.

I slave all day over a cold meal,

and no one appreciates it.

- All right. I'll try it.

[quirky music]

♪ ♪

Hmm. Say, that is tasty.

[sniffs]

Is that smoked paprika?

- Yes. Yes, it is.

- I knew it. I have an excellent palate.

Back at the castle, I-- [grunts]

[cracking] Oh.

Brain...freeze!

- Mrs. Flufferburger, where were you

when the incident occurred?

- I was in my garden

tending to my iceberg lettuce and my snowmatoes

when I saw him marking his territory

by rubbing his body in the snow.

[Florffs gasp] Like he was mocking us.

- Mm-mm-mm.

- I have children!

- Now, I'm not one to body-shame...

- Psst. Listen.

You should reconsider breaking out of this cooler

because this is the tip of the iceberg.

- [groans]

[wind howling] - [grunting]

- You made the right choice, Brendar.

Don't even think about Evan.

Just put him out of your mind.

- It's not easy with all this snow.

That little troll would love it out here

on this freezing cold mountain.

Do you know what he would do?

- What?

both: Whoo-hoo!

[both laugh]

- [sighs] - Wow, that was fun.

- Yeah.

We gotta go back for Evan.

- What about the Florffs?

- I have an idea.

- I was waiting for the carriage

to take me to work.

The new powder had come in and it was beautiful.

And I was staring at him when out of nowhere...

It started...started to rain. [sniffles]

- Go on, sir.

- Well, I just watched

as that beautiful powder

morphed into a river... of yellow.

[all gasping]

- Can you point to the source of that river?

[all gasping]

- When a troll's gotta go, a troll's gotta go.

- I think we've heard enough.

I'm ready to make a decision.

- Stop the proceedings! [all gasp]

- Grab your mittens and hide your kittens.

- You came back!

- Of course.

I did not miss that.

I come bearing a gift for the City of Florff.

- A new snowgre!

- [roars]

[all gasping]

That's right.

Deep from the dark forest of the Florff,

he's a lean, mean, protecting machine.

You'll sleep well at night

knowing this guy's got your back.

No snowgres were hurt during this capture.

[all talking at once] - Wow!

- I'm not sure if I'm ready for a new pet.

- I just wanted to replace Fluffy

and apologize to you and this city

- Well accepted.

- I wanted to tell you Evan would never

hurt any living thing.

He loves life so much, he lets fleas bite him.

- They have to eat too.

- I'm trying to rescue my brother, Kendar,

and I am so close I can taste it,

but I can't finish it without him.

- Really? - Yeah.

You may not be strong, but you give me strength.

And on days where I can't take another step,

you're so playful, I just wanna, you know--

but it makes me keep going.

I can't do this journey without you.

Without any of you.

all: Aww.

- Please, Your Honor, let me take

my friends down the mountain before we get trapped here.

- [whines]

- That's a very moving story of friendship.

I declare the troll guilty, and he will stand

before the wheel of punishment!

[Florffs gasp] - Oh, that's fair.

- Oh, come on!

[all cheering]

- Well, this has snowballed into a disaster.

- Having been found guilty,

we shall now spin the wheel of punishment.

Bailiff.

- De-ice the courtroom, shovel snow,

knock down the icicles,

unfreeze the toilets,

scrape the frost off the windows.

- Yeah, those punishments don't look so bad actually.

- Oh, yeah.

What's that tiny one say, though?

- I don't know. I can't read it.

But it'll never land on that anyway.

- Yeah, like, the odds of that happening

are a billion to one.

[dramatic music]

[all gasp]

- Ooh, so close.

The wheel of punishment has spoken.

You will be lowered into a cauldron

of florffin dioxide,

where you'll be frozen into a troll pop

for our Fluffy to enjoy.

[muttering]

- Does it really say all that on there?

- And now observe.

We will use dramatic courtroom antics

to demonstrate your icy fate.

- My favorite part.

- Oh, no!

Oh, Luteous III.

[all gasp]

Oh, wait, that's not so bad.

It's just a little frosty.

Maybe I could still play it.

♪ ♪

No! [all gasp]

- That was cold.

- Linda, Michael, with me.

- No, you can't do this!

- I am General Skelly...

[all gasp]

Commander of the undead army,

and I will at last have my revenge on you,

Barbarian.

Prepare to die.

- I'm sorry. Who are you again?

- Oh.

General Skelly, commander of the undead army?

We met at the Goiter?

- Where's your army?

- They are right here--wha--

Linda! Michael!

- You know where I find you're lacking

is right there on your tum-tum.

[laughter] All right, pack it down.

- You look like you're covered in sugar.

- [groans]

- So you're here for revenge?

- And for your boots.

- Oh.

Well, I don't think we're the same size.

But I do remember kicking your bony butt.

So I guess I'll have to kick your bony butt again.

- [yells] [both grunting]

- Yeah, go, Brendar!

- You got this!

- [laughs]

[exciting music]

- Thrust!

♪ ♪

- [grunts] [gasping]

Ah! - [grunts]

[yelling]

- Hey!

- [grunts]

[both grunting]

- Oh, that's slippery. - [gasps]

- Order in the court!

Order! Order!

- Hang on.

- Order. Stop that!

- [grunts] [all gasping]

- [grunts]

- [grunts] [all gasp]

- Wah! - [grunts]

- Yes. I win!

I will be rich.

I will be powerful.

- You will be a snowgre's chew toy.

- [groans]

- [roars]

- No! Not the head! [all gasping]

- That's our Fluffy. - He's back.

- Fluffy's back!

- His rage has returned!

- My head is not a chew toy.

- The troll is free to go!

- Thank you, Your Honor. [grunts]

- You could have left this whole time?

- Yeah. - Ugh.

- All right, questers, let's head out.

- [chattering]

- Nice meeting you, Florffs.

all: Bye, Evan!

[all gasp]

- Be careful where you go.

- I quite like the cold weather.

- Oh, me too. It warms me bones.

- Bye, snow. See you soon.

Aw, come on, Brendar, you gotta admit,

snow's pretty great.

- It has its charms.

I'd come back. - Not me.

I finally got the feeling back in my talons.

- [laughs] - Stop! Wait a second!

We're going the wrong way.

- Horace.

- What-- [grunts]

Oh, never mind. Keep on going straight.

- Why you have the map again, I don't know.

- Not a good choice.

- Are you sure we haven't been here before?

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