All language subtitles for The Bad News Bears (1976 Michael Ritchie)

[Man]
Pull that in there.

Right back to home.
Let's move it.

[Boy]
Yeah, not bad, not bad.

Okay, let's
go for two now.

Okay, go for the bunt.

Everybody stay alive.

Go!

41, 42, 43, 44, 45,

46, 47, 48, 49, and 50.

Okay, on your back.
20 sit-ups.

Come on.
Hit the deck.

And one, two, three,

four, five, six,

seven--

[radio]
Temperature today is
expected to hit 78.

And in downtown L.A.,
they're expecting--

ten, eleven--
come on, keep up--

12, 13, 14, 15--

[opens beer]

[Coughs]

17, 18...

[Coughs]

19 and 20.

[Boy]
Hey, good job!

[Man]
That's what I want.
Good play. Good play.

[Boy]
Good, Phil.

[Man]
Go for two.

Ready for the bunt? Go!

Hey, alive out there!

Go!

[Boy]
Hey, way to go, Chris!

[Clink]

Thanks, mister.

[Motorcycle starts]

Get it in there!

Come on, fellas!

Talk it up!

I'm going to
go around the infield,

then around the outfield.

You got it? Okay.

Move! Charge the ball!

Let's go!
Fire it in there!

Around the infield now!

We'll do it
around the infield,

then around
the outfield.

[Man]
Hey, buttermaker.

I had three pools
to clean.

Uh, you know
my son Toby, right?
Hi, buttermaker.

This little guy is going
to be a great ballplayer.

I really appreciate this.

It's a shame that
none of the fathers
have the time for it.

If I wasn't so busy
down at city hall--

you got my check,
whitewood? Check?

Uh, son, why don't you
get your bike off the car?

Yeah.

Wow! I thought we were going
to be quiet about the money.
Oh, yeah. Sorry.

It's going to be rough,
buttermaker. You just got
one week till the first game.

I wanted to introduce you
to some of the administrators--

you forgot
to sign the check.
Check is not signed.

Oh. Helps, right?

You ask around for a woman
they call Cleveland.

She'll get things
set for you. Here.

Here's a list
of the boys on the team.

Don't let any of these
bastards give you a hard time.

Put that away.

Hang in there.

[Boy #1]
How about a ride home?

[Boy #2]
Race you back
to the dugout!

You know, I think we're doing
a really fine thing.

Yeah.

Dad said
you played pro ball.

Yeah.

I thought you just
cleaned swimming pools.

Says you were
really great once.

That's nice of him.

[Coughing]

[Man]
Hey! Hey!

Get that bike
off the field!

I said get it off the field!
You're marking it up.

Excuse me.

Sorry he yelled
at your boy.

That's not my boy.

My husband's uptight
about the infield.

He sometimes yells.

Jill, honey.

Hey, Jill, honey.

My name
is buttermaker.

I'm coach
of the new team.

I'm looking for
miss Cleveland.

She's in the equipment room.
It's straight ahead.

Goddamn class-action suits
are gonna be the ruin
of this country.

It wasn't so bad

when the courts
made us take girls.

At least the ones
that came could play,

but now this.

This equipment's
kind of had it, miss.

You're damn right,
Mr. Buttermaker.

This is normally
a six-team league, not seven.

You're gonna have to
be happy with what's left.

Look, buttermaker, the problem
is your friend whitewood.

He could have got those boys
in any of the other leagues.

Why did he sue this one?

We're different
than the other leagues,
and he knows it.

We run a highly
competitive program here.

I mean, it's
highly competitive.

Want to know
something?

It's not us.
It's the boys.

It's the boys themselves
that want it that way.

Buttermaker, new rule book.
See that you memorize it.

You got, uh, not even an hour
to practice on that field.

Good luck, huh?

When I say your name,
step forward and tell me
what position you want to play.

- Rudi Stein.
- Pitcher. Um, can I play p--

sure. Regi tower.

I got a pretty good arm.
My father said
for me to play infield.

Mr. Buttermaker,
I'm on your team.

- Last year,
I was playing baseball--
- you really pitch a no-hitter?

I'm tower--
for the first time--

my dad's been
a yankee fan all his life.

He never heard of no buttermaker
who ever played for the Yankees
let alone pitched a no hitter!

I don't know who you are,
but sit down and shut up.
Can I play second or third base?

The situation
with the glasses is--
forget about the glasses.

All right, guys,
let's get one thing straight.

I was a heck of a ballplayer,
but I never pitched
for the Yankees--

you never played
in the major leagues.

But you did pitch
for Phoenix in the minors.

In 1951, you won nine games,

lost six, had 170 strikeouts,

and had an e.R.A. Of 2.86.

Good work, kid.

Ahmad Abdul raheem.

Ahmad Abdul raheem.
Here.

What position
do you want to play?

I want to switch hit
like my big brothers.

And I want to play
where Hank Aaron played.

Right field.
Aaron played right field.
Then right field.

He also played quite
a few games on second base.
Then second base.

Mike engelberg.
My dad thinks I should
try out for catcher.

He can play third and short
at the same time.

Keep it up, whitewood!
If you wanna get "kung-fued."
Shut up, tubs!

[Buttermaker]
Timmy luppus--
all right, all right--

Timmy luppus.
[Boy]
lupus.

Crud. Does that
booger-eatin' spaz
make me want to puke.

What do you want
to play, luppus?

[Boy]
Lupus.

He's shy, coach.

Shy, my butt.
He's an idiot.

Shut up, Tanner.
He's just quiet.

Timmy and I could do
a fine job sharing right field.

Let's not talk anymore
about it.

Everybody out on the field
and take any position you want.

We'll figure out
where you play later.

Could Timmy and I
play right field?

Anyplace at all.
Just get out there.

Just shut up
and get out there.

Let's go, boys.

Mister, uh,
buttermaker,

I think my dad said
something about these
two boys were Mexican.

They don't speak
any English.

All right,
let's get one.

Hey, can't you hold off of that
until after practice?

There's energy
in chocolate.

I need energy.

Oh.

All right,
let's get one.

[Man]
Damn it, regi!
Attack that ball.

Pay attention out there.

It was right at me.

Attack it!

All right. Get one.

[Buttermaker]
Look alive.
[Bat hits ball]

[Boy]
Oh! How could you?

[Squish]

Hey, engelberg.
What?

There's chocolate
all over this ball.

Look, Mr. Buttermaker,
quit bugging me about my food.

People are always
bugging me about it.

My shrink says
that's why I'm so fat.

You're not doing me
any good so just quit it!

Okay, okay, okay.

All right, look alive.
Let's get one.

Are you ready?
Let's get one out there.

Engelberg?
What?

That is a bunt--
b-u-n-t.

The catcher is supposed
to pick up the bunt...

And throw it
to first base.

How was I supposed to know?
You made such a big deal
yelling out to them.

Diversionary tactic, engelberg.
Now get the ball.

Why are you always
picking on me?
What did I do to you?

Quit your bellyaching and
throw the ball to first base!

[Glass breaking]

[Boy]
Estupido.

Don't blame me.
I didn't even know
it was your car.

It's dumb, parking it
so close to the field anyway.

All right, boys.

Let's get back to basics.

This is a baseball.

The object of the game
is to keep the baseball...

Within the confines
of the playing field.
Wait a minute!

You don't think
we know what a ball is?

I don't think I like
that kind of talk.

He's been in enough
fights this week already.

What do you expect?
All we got on this team...

Is a bunch of Jews,
spics, niggers, pansies,

and a booger-eating
moron.

Tanner, you should be
reminded from time to time...

That you're one of the few
people on this team...

Who's not a Jew,
spic, nigger, pansy,

or booger-eating moron.

So you better cool it,
or we may be disposed
to beat the crap out of you.

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

Cut it out!

Now, guys, somebody's gonna
pay for this windshield.

And I think, engelberg,
it's gonna be your father.

Bullshit.

[Honking]

Come on, babe.

We were supposed
to be here by 7:30.

Isn't that something?
It looks like a baseball field.

They did a nice job,
didn't they?

I had them
leave off the anchovies...

Because I didn't know
whether to use them
as bats or the baseline.

Besides, most people don't like
the taste of anchovies.

I don't like them.
You see?

Carol, where is frank?
Is he still practicing?

Of course.
You got to keep after him.

You all look terrific.
All right, everybody be patient!

Pizza's on very, very soon.
[Man] Jill, I'm getting
ready for the slide show.

Glad you could make it.
I wouldn't miss it
for the world.

We have one of these every year.
It helps to get things off
on a friendly note.

After the start
of the season,

we all don't always
get along so well.

Well, how are the
uniforms coming along?

What?

The uniforms.
Your team uniforms.

Hey, buttermaker,
you better get on the ball.

All the best colors
have been taken--

green and white,
blue and white,

red and white,
maroon and white,
white and maroon.

Uniforms?

Hey, whitewood.
What's this crap
about uniforms?

What do you mean crap?
I've been meaning to ask--
you're paying me to coach.

You told me I'd be
coaching some kids
just a couple of hours a day.

I've got a lot of pools
to clean. I can't be out
looking for uniforms.

Will you be quiet
for a minute?

You've been hired
as a manager, right?
Yeah.

One of the responsibilities
of being a manager...

Is to get a sponsor
and to get uniforms.

Wait. No.
You didn't tell me that.

I'm telling you now.
It's easy.

You go around to these
different businesses
and you talk to the guys.

They all like baseball.

How could you possibly
strike out Ted Williams?

I had a mother
of a screwball.

He means Ted Williams
was a major leaguer.

You never got past
the minors.

It was spring training,
vero beach, Florida.

Struck him out
a couple of times.

You're not supposed to have
open liquor in the car.

It's against the law.
So is murder, engelberg.

Now put that back
before you get me
into real trouble.

If you were so great,

how come you never made it
to the major leagues?
Contract disputes.

When are we gonna
get our uniforms?
I'm working on it.

Hey, Ahmad,

even Hank Aaron
peels the old eyelids
before he takes a swing.

Maybe I should
try left-handed.

No. Not just yet.

When are we going to
get our uniforms?

I'm working on it.

All the other kids
got their uniforms.
When are we gonna get ours?

You worry about
your hitting.

Let me worry about
the uniforms.

My hat fell in.

Dummy.

Oh, god. You too?

How's the vacuuming
coming, Toby?

Not enough suction.

Just move it back and forth.
It will come.

When we're through,
can we go swimming?

Don't jump in, engelberg.
You'll flood the valley.

How's it going, Ogilvie?

Well, there's
not enough pressure,

but I'm adjusting
the intake valve now.

You got a hell of a future
in pools, kid.

Where have you been, you crud?
It's been an hour.

I've been out getting
what you creeps have
been bitching for--

uniforms.

Best pitch
I ever taught her
was the curveball.

How could you teach
a 9-year-old girl
to throw a curveball?

Not only a curveball,
but the most tantalizing
knuckler you ever saw.

This thing was
a thing of beauty.

It came to the plate
and disappeared.

It was like a ball
of melted ice cream.

Here.
Thank you, luppus.

Lupus.
Lupus. Sorry.

Ahh. That's superb.
Thank you very much.

Tell us about the time you
struck out Ted Williams again.

Ted Williams, 1947,
vero beach, Florida,

spring training,
around march 15th.

Score was tied
nothing to nothing.

It was the top
of the ninth.

No. It was the bottom
of the ninth.

Bases were loaded.

There was old Ted
coming up to the plate,

swinging a menacing bat.

"Strike one."

What's the matter?

Come on.
Let's keep playing.

He might be hurt.

I think he's dead.

He's not dead!
He's drunk!

Had enough beer.

What a mess.

A lot of smoking too.

What do we do?

Nothing.

He ain't any good
to us sober either.

Opening day's tomorrow.
We don't know what
the batting order is.

We don't even have
our positions set.

All we got is a cruddy "alky"
for a manager.

♪♪ [March]

Come on, red. Let's
straighten your hat there.

Engelberg, how about
buttoning those buttons
on your uniform, will you?

I been trying all morning.
It's too small.

Well, come on.
Look neater, you know.

[Man on P.A.]
Ladies and gentlemen,

I want to welcome you here
to the opening game
of the season.

What I want is to see
every boy in america...

Out on the baseball field

playing the great game
of baseball.

Thank you.

Well, uh, this is the moment
we've been waiting for.

It's opening day.

Now, I'd like to
call your attention
to our new scoreboard...

Named in memory
of Tommy Martin--

look out!
Get back!

[Boy]
¿que pasa?

Get off the field!

[Blowing whistle]

Hey!

All right, come here!

Let's go! Let's go!

You little punk, you just--

what were you doing,
you little punk?

Uh, what was i--

oh, yes, the new scoreboard
in memory of Tommy--

Tommy Martin.

And, uh, well--

[different speaker]
After the taking
of the team pictures today,

parents and friends
are encouraged to stay...

For the game between
the bears and Yankees.

Come on, Indians. Line up.

A second game will begin
at 3:00 this afternoon.

We urge you to return
at that time...

To see the athletics
against the mets.

Mr. Buttermaker!

They're taking
the team pictures!

I want you to look
like champions...

Because you're going
to be champions.

Stand up straight
and look at them.

That's it, boys.

You got that champion
look about you.

Come on!

Quick!

He's going to take
the picture!

Hey, my uniform's
too small.
Ah, shut up.

Take the picture!

Okay, boys, come on,
straighten up. Big grins.

Come on.

Look at the birdie!

Smile!

Smile!
smile!

[Photographer]
That's it.

That's perfect.
Thank you.

♪ What so proudly we hailed ♪

♪ at the twilight's
last gleaming ♪

♪ and the rockets'
red glare ♪

♪ the bombs bursting in air ♪

♪ gave proof
through the night ♪

♪ that our flag
was still there ♪

♪ oh say does that star-spangled
banner yet wave ♪

♪ o'er the land of the free ♪

♪ and the home of the brave ♪♪

[Cheering]

Play ball! Batter up!

[Announcer]
First in
the yankee lineup today,

Andy berger, number seven,
center field.

Come on, baby!

Take two of them!

[Man]
You got to tag him, dummy!

[Boy]
What are you doing?

[Announcer]
Joey Turner,
number two, pitcher.

Here we go.
Let's go, Joey!

Let's go, Joey!

Hey, left fielder,
throw it in!

Come on in, Joey!

[Announcer]
Don jacobsen, second base.

[Man]
All right!

I got a bead on it!

Where's our shortstop?

Aren't you
the shortstop?

Was that an error?

It's an error
on the throw,

but no error
on the infielder...

'Cause he wasn't there.

Time! Time!

[Announcer]
And a time-out is called
by the bears' manager.

Hey, Tanner.

You okay?

Look, you crud,
just get back to your beer.

Get going.

Get out of here.

[Bat hits ball]

[Yankees coach]
Atta boy, Bobby!

Come on, Bobby!
Come on in!

Slide! Slide!

Way to go!
No competition!

Hey, clutch!

Go ahead, take it.

Take two, take three,
take it. Go on home.

Yeah. Home, I said.

Trust me. Home.

Home!

Maybe we ought to, uh--

damn it.

Hold it up.

I just want to get a word
with the other coach, okay?

Okay, hurry it up, though.
You got it.

Hey, Turner.
Yeah?

What do you say
we call this thing off?
This is getting ridiculous.

They're going to call it off
in 15 minutes anyway so let me
give you a little advice.

Let your team stay out there.
They'll be able to say
they didn't give up.

And you won't make
quitters out of them.

I'm calling this off right now.

I was just thinking
of your boys, that's all.
The hell you were.

The hell I wasn't.

What I saw out there today
made me sick, you know that?

Your team has no right
being on that field.

Look at yourself, "butterworth."
Look at that team.

I mean, why don't you
do this league a favor?

You and the bears
just drop out. I mean it.

I mean just--
just drop out.

I mean it.

It's a forfeit.
We forfeit the game.

You forfeit?
Yeah.

That's it!
That's the game!

Forfeit by the bears!

[Turner]
Come on in, fellas!

[Announcer]
The remainder of this game
has been canceled...

By the request
of the bears' manager
and forfeited to the Yankees.

Next up,
the athletics and the mets.

Up the alley,
down the street,

who's the hardest team to beat?

Bears! Bears! Yay!

Well, guys,
it ain't so bad.

I was once in a high-school
game where the score--

come on, guys, will you?
It's only a game.

Hey, nice try, bears.
Maybe next time you'll
get a chance to bat.

Hey, Tanner!
Come down, Tanner!
Get down from there.

Forget about that.
Now, sit down.
I want to talk to you.

I'm not listening to you,
crud. I'm leaving.

Sit down, Tanner. Ta--

hey, wait a minute.
Where are you guys going?

Mr. Buttermaker,
I got to talk to you!
Wait a minute.

It's important!
I got to talk to you!

What do you want?
Ahmad's up a tree.
Says he's not coming down.

Ahmad?
Yeah.

What do you mean,
climbed up a tree?
Says he's not coming down.

Tell his family about it.
Said if I told them
where he was, he'd kill me.

And anyway,
I promised him I wouldn't.

How's the view
up there, Ahmad?

Hey.

How come you're not
wearing your clothes?

Don't deserve to wear
no uniform.

You get away from here,
buttermaker.

This ain't your tree.
Anybody can climb up here.

Just leave me alone.

Keeping your family
waiting, you know.

Can't face them.
Why?

What do you mean, why?
Errors, that's why.

Easy fly balls.

There's nothing easy
about those fly balls, Ahmad.

They were tough chances.
The sun was in your eyes.

Don't give me any
of your honky bullshit,
buttermaker.

I know they were easy.

Let's not bring race
into this, Ahmad.

We got enough problems
as it is.

Anyway, your brothers
will understand.
No, they won't.

They would never
make flubs like that.

They were all big athletes.

When they were my age,
they were captains
of all their teams...

And great players,
and I'm not.

I'm lousy at football,
basketball and baseball.

I'm quitting
the whole damn thing.

Thank god Hank Aaron
didn't act like this.
What?

Don't give me that "what."
You know what i'm
talking about.

What are
you talking about?

The 42 errors.

42 errors?

Come off it, will you, Ahmad?
Stop pulling my leg.

You know what I'm talking about.
You know all about Hank Aaron.

His first year in sandlot ball,
he committed 42 errors.
He was 9 years old.

Broke his little heart.
He damn near quit.

Thank god for us
he didn't.

There'd be no
great old number 44.

Buttermaker, you're so full of--
it's common knowledge,
for crying out loud!

Ask Ogilvie.

I'm surprised
you didn't know that.
He's your favorite player too.

Well.

[Sigh]

Kind of ruins my plans.

I was thinking
around the fourth game,

you'd be switch-hitting.

I figured with your speed
and right side of the plate,
those few extra steps you get,

you'd be a tough out.

You know, bunts,
things like that.

I am kind of fast, huh?

You're very fast.

[Man on P.A.]
At present there are at least
two to three instances...

Of cardiac arrest
or heart seizure at every major
sports event at the coliseum--

you're two and a half
hours late.

I told you to meet me
in my office.
I couldn't find it.

Jesus. I couldn't
believe that score-- 26-0.

What a beating!
My son wouldn't come out
of his room all weekend.

That's why I want
to disband the team.

Have you told the boys yet?
Not yet.

I was hoping to sneak away
from the office this afternoon
and drop by the field.

Actually, it might be better
if you told them yourself.

I mean,
they really do like you.
And, uh, I'd appreciate it.

What if the boys
don't want to quit?

That's not important.
This has been very humiliating.

We've put these boys
in a situation
they just can't handle.

I hope you think that's fair.
Mr. Harrison is here
with his 2:30 appointment...

About the police
academy bill.

Would you sign these first?

I know this has
all been my fault.

I just want to end it
as quickly as possible.

Good-bye,
buttermaker.

[Tosses can in back]

[Starts car]

I know it says
$1.25 on the map,

but what it really is
is $2.00 because of inflation.

Hey, boilermaker,
long time no see.

Hey, pretty fancy
neighborhood you're
working these days, Amanda.

Coming up
in the world, huh?

What are you doing here?

I didn't have any pools
to clean, so I thought
I'd drop by and say hello.

How's your mom?
Fine.
What's it to you?

Is that the way to talk to me?
I haven't seen you
in two or three years.

If you're looking for money,
you can forget it.

I'm not looking for money.
I'm not looking for anything.

Be sociable,
for crying out loud.
Hey, what's that?

What's what?
It's a mitt.

What?
That.

Oh, yeah.

I thought if
you weren't too busy,

maybe you'd like
to play catch.

No, thanks.

No? Well, it was just an idea.

I mean, it's--

er, er, uh--

- how's your fastball
these days?
- Why?

Well, to tell you the truth,
I'm coaching a bunch
of kids some baseball.

Maybe if you're
not doing anything,
you can drop by the field.

Maybe join the team
for old times' sake.

I knew you were up to something.
I'm through with pitching.

My mom says
you almost ruined me
with that sports stuff.

- How did I ruin you?
- That fastball put
my arm in a sling.

It's a fine way
to act toward me.

I figure you owe me
a thing or two.
0we you a thing or two?

I was like
a father to you.

Ha! Some father.
Didn't I take you
to all the ball games?

You'd have gone to them anyway.
Didn't I take you
horseback riding?

Didn't I take
you and your mother
to the movies twice a week?

Didn't I pay
for your math tutor?

The math tutor guy
was a drunk like you.
I got a "d" in math that year.

Didn't I let you hang around
while I cleaned the pools?
While you cleaned the pools?

Who you trying to kid?
I'm the one who
did all the work.

You sat there
and drank your beer all day.

By the fourth pool,
you were out cold.

I had to call my mom
to come pick us up.

What about your appendix?
Who rushed you
to the hospital?

Who saved your life?
Would you be alive
if it weren't for me?

Yeah, but when you weren't
saving people's lives,

you were sitting around
the apartment drunk.

Then you just split.

You made my mother sick.
You know, she wanted
to marry you.

Boy, was she dumb.

Your mother and I didn't
get along too well, Amanda.

I liked her
very much though.
I still do, as a matter of fact.

I'm just not the marrying kind.

I guess I handled it
badly, huh?

You handled it
like shit!

You can't tell me what kind
of language I can use.

Yes, I can!
If you're gonna
talk that way in front of me--

look, boilermaker.
You're not my father,

and I ain't interested
in playing baseball
for you anymore.

So why don't you get back
into that sardine can...

And go vacuum the bottom
of the pacific ocean?

I've got business to take
care of. You're blocking
my customers with your car.

All right, boys. Let's go.

Up. Everybody up.
Practice. Come on!

All right, all right.
I'm an asshole.

Go ahead and yell.
Get it off your chests.

I deserve it.

We really appreciate
these new uniforms, buttermaker,

but we're not going to be
needing them anymore.

We've been taking a lot
of razzing in school
about opening day, and--

and they were
laughing at us,
picking on us.

Anyway, we took a vote
and decided that we'd quit.

What the hell happened
to you, Tanner?

[Engelberg]
Tanner got into a fight
because of it.

Who with?

The seventh grade.
What?

The seventh grade.

You took on
the whole seventh grade?

You want to quit, Tanner?

Crud, no.
I want to play ball.

I can understand
how you guys feel.

I haven't been
much of a manager...

Or much of anything else,
for that matter.

And I'm sorry.

But this quitting thing--

it's a hard habit to break
once you start.

You're a damn
good bunch of boys.

You probably deserved
a lot better than me,

but we're stuck
with each other.

Jimmy, grab a bat.

Engelberry, get your gear on,
get behind home plate.

What for?
We need to practice.

But we disbanded the team.
We took a vote.

Goddamn it!

Nobody's vote counts
around here but mine!

Get your gear on and get
your fat ass behind the plate
before I kick it up there.

And the rest of you pansy-ass
quitters, move your asses
before I kick them all.

We got a game with
the athletics next Wednesday,

and that means
only one thing--

bad news
for the athletics!

Oh, no, no, no.

You're dragging
your right foot, Jimmy.

You got to plant it.
Here, I'll show you.

Right here.
Just plant it.

Make sure
it stays there.

Okay.

Let's look alive out there.

Let's look alive.

Way to go, Jimmy!

Good hit!

Way to go!

No, Tanner, no!
Everybody watch this.

You get down
on your left knee there,

so if you miss the ball,
it hits your body,
you can still make the play.

Up, everybody.

All right, engelberry,
hit it again.

That's it!
That's the way to do it!
You see how easy it is?

You see how simple that is?
You just get down
on your left knee.

You miss the ball,
it hits your body.
You still make the play.

You understand?

Okay, let's
do it again.

[Yelling]

A busted bat
and a long fly ball--

any day now
durocher will call!

Ooh!
shit!

Ow!

Any second now,
Ogilvie...

Heart attack time.

I'll send flowers
to your funeral.

Must have... sustenance.

Couldn't you at least
have unwrapped it?

I got it! I got it!

Good move!

"Butterworth."
hello, Roy.

What's your boys
doing out in the field?

Getting ready for a game
with the athletics.

The athletics?
Haven't you heard?

Councilman whitewood
told the league committee
he's calling it quits.

He is. We aren't.

What are you, one of those
sadists or something?

Didn't those kids take enough
of a beating on opening day?
What the hell you trying to do?

Win the pennant.

This schedule says
that on the last day
of the season, June 19th,

the two best teams
play for a title.

We intend to be
one of those teams.

Be a lot of fun if
you were the other.

Two hands, engelberg,
two hands!

All right, guys.
I want to see some
hard-nosed play out there.

Now, everybody,
once more with feeling.

First base! Second base!

Do we have to do that one?
It's so corny.

Come on, listen to me.
Once more with feeling.
First base! Second base!

Third base! Home!

Around them bases
we shall roam!

Come on, batter!

Check the big play!

Batter can't hit!

Batter...

Swing!

Ball four!
Take your base.

Go home!

Home! Go home!

Here! Home!

Go home!

All the way home!

Go home!

Out!

Crud!

Come on! Catch it!

Who do we appreciate?

Bears! Bears!

Yay!

All right, come on,
guys, lighten up.

We finished
the whole game, didn't we?

I thought you
were safe, Tanner.

Come on, fellas.
Rome wasn't built in a day.

Yeah. It took
several hundred years.

We lost 18-0, "buttercrud."

And the athletics are
the worst team in the league.
Second worst.

Sorry, I forgot.
Snap out of it!

Nobody said it was
going to be easy.

Don't look so glum.

Well,
we committed 24 errors.

Their pitcher threw
a no-hitter against us.

But there is
some good news.

Two of our runners...

Almost managed
to get to first base,

and we did hit
17 foul balls.

That's right.
That's the spirit!

Cokes and hot dogs on me.

Yeah!
This way.

Buttermaker, I said
I wasn't interested.
There's nothing to be afraid of.

I'm not afraid.
I'm just through with
all that tomboy stuff.

Baseball's not tomboy stuff.
It's your country's national
pastime. It's healthy.

It's a lot healthier
than sitting around here
on a stupid street corner

selling dumb maps
to a bunch of ignorant Hicks.

Look at that gut on you.

I beg your pardon.
There isn't an ounce
of fat on me.

There will be if you keep
sitting around here.

This is sure
a lousy job you got.
It ain't lousy.

Half the state of Iowa
came by last week.
Cleared 85 bucks.

Bet it's more than you make.

You saving
any of that money?
Of course I am.

What are you going
to do with it?

I'm going
to get braces.

I'm going to be
taking ballet
lessons pretty soon.

I'm-- I'm going
to be a model.

Well, now we're
getting somewhere.

I'll tell you what--

you come and pitch
a few games for us,

I'll pay for
the modeling thing
and the ballet lessons.

Can't do anything
about the braces
'cause that's big money.

Buttermaker,
you're so dumb.

Those boys aren't rough.
You won't get hurt.

That's got nothing
to do with it.

I'm almost 12,
and I'll--

I'll be getting
a bra soon.

Well, maybe
in a year or so.

I can't be playing
no dumb baseball.

You're right.
You're absolutely right.

You're turning into
a regular little lady.

It was a dumb idea anyway.

I mean, you wouldn't
have helped the team much.

You were great
when you were nine,

but girls reach their peak
athletically about that age.

Probably haven't picked up
a ball in two years anyway.

Give my love to your mom.

Don't be such a stranger.

Hey, boilermaker.

Yeah?

Got my curve
breaking 2 1/2 feet.

Oh, yeah?
Then you have been
practicing, huh?

But don't give me no baloney...

About a curve breaking
2 1/2 feet, though.

For how much?

Ten bucks.

Make it 20.

We got a bet.

I thought we were going
to see some curves.

Okay,
the next one's coming
right between your eyes.

Twelve ballet lessons.

Nine ballet lessons.

They're $3.00 a shot.
I can't--

twelve ballet lessons
or no go.

I just lit that cigar.
That's terrible.

Make it nine
ballet lessons--

I want the imported
kind of jeans.
Jeans?

Yes. French jeans.
I'm not getting you any jeans.

Do you know how many
pools I got to clean
to get imported jeans?

What's the matter
with American jeans?
I don't like them.

Who do you think you are,
catfish hunter?
Who's he?

Boys, I'd like you to
meet your new pitcher--

Amanda whurlizer.

Jews, spics, niggers,
and now a girl?

Grab a bat, punk.

Jimmy feldman,
Toby whitewood.

Toby!

Yeah! Right.

Sixth. No,
you're seventh.

Seventh.

[Woman on P.A.]
First up for the mets--

Roy close, number seven,
left field.

Come on, Amanda.
Right through him!

[Applause]

Come on, Mandy!

Strike three!
You're out!

Ohh!

[Announcer]
Now batting for the mets--
David delmardo.

What's she doing
now with the--

ah, that's the, uh--
that's the spitter.

Wets-- wets her
fingers, you see.

Then she appears
to dry them on her cap,

but she's not 'cause she
has vaseline under there.

Strike three!
You're out!

Strike three!
You're out!

Take it easy on
the first few batters.

I want to see how our
infield handles balls.

[Announcer]
Carl paranski, number six--

the cool, calm
paranski shift!

You're holding up the game.

Let's get back in the box.

[Cheering]

Forget it, forget it.
Forget it, Miguel.

No.

Strike three!

[Buttermaker]
Come on, guys!
Pay attention!

They can't win
if they don't score!

[Shouting]

Nice work, engelberg.
Good game.

Nice going, Tanner.

Two, four, six, eight!

Who do we appreciate?

Lupus, you dumb spaz,
we would have won
if it weren't for you!

Come on, leave him alone.
Will you cut that out?

Let's not have any shoving.

Now cut that out!
Move over.

All I know is,
when we win a game,
it's a team win.

When we lose a game,
it's a team loss.

Now, on Friday,
we play the white sox.

Now, what does that
mean to you guys?

[All] Bad news
for the white sox!

Damn right.

Look alive out there.
Let's look alive.

I got it!

No, you don't!
It's over the fence!

Hey! Hey, punk!

[Starts engine]
I thought i--

[revving]
I thought I told you
to quit hanging around!

Jumpin' catfish!

What a great arm!
Who is that kid, anyway?

Of course he's got a great arm.
He's the best athlete
in the area.

But you don't understand--

that's Kelly leak.

You guys talking
about Kelly leak?
Yeah.

That dude is a bad mother.

You're talking
about a loan shark.

I borrowed a nickel
from him last week.

He said if I didn't
give him a dime by Friday,
he'd break my arm.

Es UN bandido.

I don't know
what he's talking about,
but I like him. He's got balls.

Why screw around guys?
If the guy can play ball,
he can play ball.

Let's get him on the team.

[Shouting]

[Crowd sighs]

Want to go again?
No.

Anybody else?

Saw you throw the ball
the other day. Got a great arm.

So-so.

We could use a good
outfielder on our team.

You call what
you got a team?

What you got against
baseball anyway?

The baseball you guys play
is for faggots and old farts...

Who don't have anything
better to do with themselves.

You must like
those kind of guys.

You sure do hang around
the field often enough.

There's nice ass at the field.
That's why I hang around there.

I hear you like to gamble.

We go a dollar a game here.

Serve it.

I don't want
to play for money.

If I win, you play
baseball for the bears.

- And if I win?
- Name it.

[Pinball machines dinging]

Well, how did it go?

I lost.

What? You said
you were supposed to be
so good at those games.

I am good!
He's just better at it!

That's the last time
I ever listen to you.

8:00 Friday night.

What's that?
Nothing.

What's 8:00
Friday night?

I lost that game,

so I gotta go to
the rolling stones
concert with the creep.

That's the most ridiculous
thing I ever heard of.

11-year-old girls
don't go out on dates.

Of course they do.
Where you been?

They don't go out
with people like that.

Boy, you take the cake.
First you blow the game,

then you get roped into
a date with an ex-con.

You're like a chimney.
I'm sick of it.

Start the car,
and let's go.

Probably lost on purpose.

You probably like
the little baboon.

Blow it out
your bunghole!

What if he tries
something, uh--

I'll handle it.

Rolling stones.
11 years old.

I know an 11-year-old
girl who's on the pill.

Don't ever say
that word again.

Jesus, just who in the heck
do you think you are?

Your goddamn manager,
that's who.

Big wow.

Lupus, could you go
somewhere else
while I'm eating?

You make me sick.

Cripes.

Hey, lupus, man,
how's it going?

Give it!
What do you need it for?
You hardly ever play anyways.

Sit down.
We was only kidding anyways.

Ha ha ha ha!

That looks neat, man.

We ought to do that
to all the bears.
They might play better.

[Laughing]

Hey, Joey, you hungry?
You want my burrito?

I wouldn't eat your
burrito if you paid me to.

Aw, go on. Take it.
That's the best way to eat it.

You little--

I'm going
to kill you!

I'm going to knock your head
down so far you're gonna
have to take off your hat!

I'm going to beat
the crud out of you.

I'll take on
all the Yankees
after this.

I'm going to kick your
butt, you little shit.

You owe me 30 cents
for that burrito.

You little shit.

That's one bear down,
11 to go.

Come to think of it,
they ain't worth it.

Thanks. Nobody ever
stuck up for me before.

Well, lupus, if you wiped
your nose once in a while,

people wouldn't give you
so much crud all the time.

[Buttermaker yelling]

How many times
you got to be told
to quit hanging around here?

I'm just sitting here.
This field
is for ballplayers,

not for juvenile
delinquents.

I can play baseball better
than anybody in this league.

It's a shame we're never
going to find that out.

Nobody here wants
anything to do with you.

Now get the hell out of here.
Come on, get out of here.

[Engine starts]

There's something I forgot
to tell you guys--
it's a league rule.

Cups and supporters--

[all groaning]
Do we have to?

Got to be worn
at all times.

They're very
uncomfortable.

Well, either you wear them,
or you don't play.

Can we stop this already?

We got another
hour of practice.

No me voy a poner esto.
Esto duele.
What?

What are you saying?
I've been brushing up
on my Spanish of late,

and I think he's saying
something about his being
a catholic and it's a sin.

Oh, for Christ's sake.

It's not a gas mask.
I know what it is.

This is a free country.
Let's be Democratic
and take a vote.

- There will be
no vote, engelberg.
- What about Amanda?

You ain't strapping
one of these things on me.

If she don't wear one,
I don't wear one.

Yeah!
yeah!
Yeah!

[Tanner] Anyway,
it's too small.

If she doesn't wear one,
neither do I.

What are you doing here?

Some asshole
changed my mind.

A little harder, huh?

Who's this Turkey
think he is, Mickey mantle?

Rifle one.

They win one lousy game,

next thing you know,
they'll sue for the right
to play in dodger stadium.

[Talking and yelling]

Engelberg!

Engelberg! Did you
take my hamburger?
No!

Hey, would you shut up?
Right on my punch line.

I pledge allegiance
to the flag...

Of the United States
of america...

And to the republic
for which it stands--

one nation, under god,
indivisible,

with Liberty
and justice for all.

I just get
an eight count here.

I know, but it's okay. I got
the whole thing figured out.

This is what I do.
I take my two outfielders,
Henry and Thor,

play them right
and left center.

Oh, would you stop it!
You're embarrassing yourself.

Three of my white sox
have got the flu.

I've got a goddamn little
Jesus freak in Bakersfield
at a revival meeting.

I am sorry!

The white sox are gonna
have to forfeit the game.

It's a forfeit.

The white sox
have to forfeit.

All right!

Two, four, six, eight!

Who do we appreciate?

White sox! White sox!

Yay!

Can't this thing
go any faster?
Sure.

[Accelerating]

Would you look at that?

I can't help it.
I really hate that kid.

Out!

Out!

Shit!

He's out.

Uhh!

[Groans]

Stop it!
Somebody's hurt!

[Moaning]

Ow. Right in the balls.

Hey, give him some air.
Come on, now.

Get back to the dugout.

He got hit in the balls.

Cleveland! Stretcher!

A stretcher for his balls?

Let him stretch out.
That must hurt.

Buttermaker,
do I have to go?

No. We're just going
to get you checked out.

No. I want to go play.

We have to check you.
It's a sensitive area.

I want to play.

[Buttermaker]
Don't worry. You'll play.

Buttermaker,
you better start worrying...

About your team finishing
the season in one piece...

Instead of trying
to get in the play-offs.

I just pray he's
wearing his cup.

♪♪ [Classical on piano]
One, two, two, two,
three, two, four, two,

ready to go back.

One, two, two, two,
three, two, four, two,

ready to go back.

One, two, two, two,
three, two, four, two,

ready to go back.

One, two, two, two,
three, two, four, two,

and bow.

Very good. Very good.

Would you like
a piece of chicken?

Would you turkeys
blow on out of here?

I will not allow this!

Engelberg, the white sox
beat the mets!

We're talking
championships.

Young man, I am teaching
a class here.

You ain't doin'
a very good job of it.

No one here can dance
worth bat turds.

Tanner, get
the hell out of here!

I will kill you!
Out! Go!

[Clamoring continues]

I'm hitting .841.
I'm on the bears.

You live around here?

I got a Harley-Davidson.

Does that turn you on--
Harley-Davidson?

I don't have to remind you
who we'll be playing
in the championship tomorrow...

After we beat
these athletics today.

I got one last question.
Let's see who can answer it.

What does this game mean
to the athletics? Ahmad?

It means a hell of
a lot of badass news
for the athletics.

Let's go!
Kelly. Kelly.

I want you
handling the ball

as much as possible
out there today.

This game is
too damn important for us.

Any ball you get near,
go for it.

Way to go!

[Announcer]
And so, at the top
of the third inning,

the bears are leading 1-0
over the athletics.

Hey, Tanner, does he go to
the bathroom for you too?

Hey! Tanner!

[Announcer]
Now batting, Tom McKay,
number ten, third base.

What you doing?

Sorry.

We got nine men
out here, you know?
Yeah. Okay.

[Announcer]
Batting for the athletics,
Keith mirron,

number three, left field.

[Announcer]
Going into the last half
of the sixth and last inning,

the score is tied two and two.

When I give you an order,
I expect you to follow it.

You're up first this inning.
Grab yourself a goddamn bat.

Let's get the run back.

And now batting
for the bears,

number three, Kelly leak.

Strike!

Strike two!

That was a ball,
you stupid ump!

Again?

0-2, and Stein
is up next.

Time.

What's the matter
with you?

What are you doing?

You trying to win
this thing or not?

I'll put Miguel in.
At least he'll try.

Just get out of here
and let me hit,

coach.

All right.
Let's go!

[Cheering]

That's the way to go.

Kelly!

Congratulations.

Give me ten!

[Announcer]
We have the final score.

Bears-- three runs,
four hits, three errors.

Athletics--
two runs, five hits--

see you tomorrow
at the big game.
Thank you.

I was really scared
for a minute there.

He's just a rotten
ball hog.

Yeah. I'll see
you tomorrow.

Does anybody
want to go for a ride?

Want to go
for a ride, Timmy?

Okay, let's get
your elbow in there.

The water sure is cold.
Don't worry about it.

Will you listen to me
and forget the elbow?

Got to hold down
the swelling.
It's not that bad.

Buttermaker?
All right. Shoot.

I invited my mom
to the game tomorrow.
You did? That's nice.

It's the last game
of the year.
Fine, fine, fine.

Got a big surprise
for you after too--

we're all going to dinner.
What?

After that, we're going
to the drive-in movie.
It's a double feature.

Let's play it by ear,
see how things go tomorrow.
Please don't try to blow it.

She wasn't too keen on it
at first. I had to work
hard to get it set up.

Yeah. I bet you did.

I don't think it's
a very good idea, Amanda.

No excuses,
boilermaker.

It's all fixed and I'm paying,
so you can't cry poor.
Yes, but listen--

last Sunday I made a killing.
A guy wanted to wallpaper
his bathroom...

And bought 35 maps.

Amanda, you know damn well
that your mother and I
don't get along.

So we're not going
to dinner or a movie
or anywhere else together.

Do you understand?
Just keep your
elbow in the water.

Then just you and I
will go.
Yeah, right.

You and I will take
the whole team out
and get some hamburgers.

Well, I was
just thinking us.
Just us, no outsiders.

Well, then, maybe we could go
horseback riding or something,
or maybe to a matinee.

Yeah. We'll see.
How does it feel?

Why do you always
change the subject?

You're always
pulling that number.

The subject is your arm.
You're pitching tomorrow.

But what about
after tomorrow?

After tomorrow, we do
what all ballplayers do--

we shake hands till we
see each other next season,

then we go fishing or hunting,
make some personal appearances,

get to know
the wife and kids again.

I don't have
a wife and kids.

Neither do I,
but I got my pools to clean.

You got your maps to sell
and your ballet to learn.

I could help you
with your pools.

Cut it out, Amanda.
No, it wouldn't be like
you're taking me anywhere.

It would be like work.
You could use the help.
No, I couldn't!

And besides,
you shouldn't be wasting
your time cleaning pools.

Look, Amanda,
you're a terrific kid.

You shouldn't be
hanging around with me.

I'm an old, broken-down,
third-rate ballplayer.
I like to drink too much.

I like to smoke my cigars
without anybody bothering me,
including you.

I'm happy that way.

I'm a bum.

No, you're not.
You taught me how to pitch.

Goddamn it! Can't you get it
through your thick head
I don't want your company?

If I did, I would have
looked you up two years ago.

Did you ever think of that?

If that's
the way you feel, fine.

[Opens beer can]

Hi, Amanda.

[Announcer]
Will children
under the age of 18...

Please don't occupy
the seats in the stands...

Until all the adults
are seated.

Ogilvie.
Hey, Kelly.

Hey, Ahmad. You, me
and Tanner will play three-way.

Does anybody mind
if I warm up too?

We didn't think you needed
anybody but yourself
to play catch with.

Just cool it, runt.

Hey!

Hey, hey, hey!

What the hell
is going on here?

What the hell's
the matter with you?
Kelly's a crud.

He's been hogging the ball
in all these games
and we're sick of it.

He's not the only reason
we got this far.

If you played better,
he wouldn't have to
cover up for you.

Look, woman, don't you be
telling us how to play.
Yeah!

Let that Turkey loose.
I'll chew his ears off
and stick them back in his face.

You're acting like
a bunch of babies!
Now, cut it out.

Nobody has to worry anymore
because I'm quitting.

No, you're not.
You came this far.

You're going
the rest of the way.

If it's yesterday
you're worried about, blame me.

I'm the one who told
Kelly to cover for you.

Why?

"Why?"
what do you mean, why?

We're in the championship,
aren't we?

Well, that's what you wanted,
wasn't it?

Now, just behave yourselves
and act like men.

Come on. The Yankees
have got the field now.
Let's get back to the dugout.

I'm not gonna
talk about winning.
I'm gonna talk about losing.

'Cause if you guys
lose this game,

each and every one of you,

you're going to
have to live with it.

You're about the best team
I ever coached.

Play a good game.

First up for the Yankees,
number one,

Chris love, left field.

Put 'em down in order--
one, two, three.

[Buttermaker]
Come on! You want to win,
don't you?

That's what you showed up for,
every damn one of you!

Let's go! Let's go!

[Buttermaker]
Come on, Ahmad!

Hurry!
Throw it home!

Did you see that, ump?

Hey, that's not allowed!

Hey, hey!
Enough of that!

Break it up!

Hey! Break it up!

All right, you mother,
see if you can kick my ass!

How's your chest feel?

I know I don't have
too much up there,

but what I've got...

Sure don't feel
too good right now.

I didn't need
your help, you know.

I know.

I could have taken
all those guys myself.

Yeah.

Those Yankees
are real turds.

They sure are.

Turner, you better
cut out that cheap crap.

Cheap crap? We're playing
clean, hard baseball.

You call spiking
an 11-year-old girl--

spiking?
The umpire called it safe.
My team plays by the book.

All right, pus-head.
You got any crying to do,
cry to the umpire.

Get back to your dugout.
Maybe your team could
use your help,

but I doubt it.

All right, Eddie!

You guys play by the book,
I know you do.

One ball,
two strikes, one out!

Strike three!
You're out of there.

Joe, you better pitch
better than you're hitting.
Or I'm gonna take you right out.

Turner, she's going to
ram it down your throat!

Andy, what the hell's
the matter with you?

Unless you can play ball,
you go on home!

You run out every hit!

I don't care if he
had you beat by a mile!

2-0.

Ball.

Way to go, Ahmad.
He's going to walk you.

He can't find the plate.

Way to go!

And now batting
for the bears,

number three, Kelly leak,
center field.

What the hell is the matter
with you? You don't swing
at a 3-and-0 pitch.

Are you crazy?

Get in there
and never do that again.
It was right where--

shut up. I don't want
to hear any excuses.
Get in there.

Come on, Kelly.

Joey!

Ball one.

Hey, pus-head!
Are you crazy?

An intentional walk
with the bases empty?

This is baseball,
not backgammon.

My first baseman is lonely.

Rudi.
What?

The first inside pitch
you get, lean into it
and let it hit you.

You want to win
the game, don't you?
I don't want to get hurt.

All right. But you want
to win the game.
Yeah.

Engelberg is up after you.
We need runs. He's been
murdering the ball lately.

Do as I tell you.

Let's get on, rudi.

Ball one.

That's the way
to take it. Ball one.

Let's get on, rudi.

Take your base.

Rudi,
take your base, boy.

Everybody moves!
Everybody!

Come on. Let's get
a hit, engelberg.

Well, well, well,
if it isn't "engelpuke."

How would you like me
to stick this bat where
the sun never shines?

- Sit on it, fat ass.
- Shove it.

Ease up, Joey.
Throw, baby.

Ground-rule double.

Stein, get back.
Get back.

It's a ground-rule double.

You can't score
from first base.

Hey, Turner,
why don't you build a fence
for players instead of chickens?

Keep that finger out, engelpuke,
and I'll bust it off.

[Announcer]
Jimmy feldman
for the bears.

[Engelberg]
Come on, come on.
You're holding up the game.

[Buttermaker]
Go! Go! Go!

Throw the ball, Chris.

Go! Go!

- He's safe.
- One out.

You posing for a picture?
You in love with that
ball or something?

[Announcer]
End of the first inning.

The bears lead 2-1
over the Yankees.

[Applause]

Safe.

What?
He was out by a mile.

What, do you think you got
to kiss ass around here...

Because they been here
longer than us?

There's two teams here, umpire.
Two teams, not one.

Don't turn your back on me.
What, are you a friend
of Roy Turner's?

You going to call like that
all day, let us know now.
We may as well go home.

Get a pair of glasses.

No. I don't want to.
Stein, we're still
in the game.

This hurts.
I don't like it.

You don't have
to get hit in the back.
Get hit in the arm or legs.

Don't make it obvious.
Go ahead.

Rudi Stein, number ten.

James Henry
won't take curveballs.

Buttermaker, you better
take Amanda out now.
She's hurting pretty bad.

Yeah, I know,
but she wants to play.

If you don't take her out,
she'll throw her arm out.

- Who's managing this team,
you or me?
- You.

Then shut up and play
your position. Let me worry
about the team's health.

What do you want me to do,
put in rudi Stein?

[Ogilvie]
You know how he hits.

He always swings
from the hip.

Then comes Chris love.

Strike.

You're out.

I told you not to swing,
you idiot!

Get back here! Move it!

Hey, Stein,
get back in here!

Goddamn it, you stupid--

[announcer]
Yankees two, bears two.

Everybody, sit down.
Come on. Sit down.

Sit down, engelberg.

What the hell
is the matter with you?

Next time I tell you
to do something, goddamn it,

you do it or else
you're off this team.

And the rest of you,
what's the matter with you?

All season long, you've been
laughed at, crapped on!

Now you've got a chance
to spit it back in their faces.

And what do you do?
You're out there like a bunch
of dead fish, not listening,

bonehead plays, mistakes.

I mean, don't you want
to beat those bastards?

All right.

Get out there now
and do the best you can.

Let's go, Joey!

Strike two!

What are you swinging at?
That was a ball, Joey!

Strike!

Second time in a row.
Second time in a row
you struck out.

Slide!

Safe!

[Announcer]
Now, ladies and gentlemen,
the end of the top of the fifth.

The score is
three for the Yankees
and two for the bears.

Well, well, well.
If it isn't engelpuke again.

Shove it, Turner.

That's the way, engelberg!

Foul ball.
That's outside the line.
Foul ball.

This is the kid that got
the double last time, right?
Yeah.

He almost whacked that right
out of the ballpark, so don't
give him anything to hit at.

Low and outside.
You got it?

Just pitch them
low and outside.
But--

low and outside.
But, dad, I wanted
to strike him out.

All right. Play ball!

Let's go, engelberg!

[Crowd booing]

Boy, that was
close to my head!

Time! Time!

What's this, beanball?

You tried to hit him,
didn't you?

No. It just got away.

Don't lie to me!

You tried to hit him.

You son of a bitch.

He tried to bean him.
He could have killed that kid.

You know why he threw it.
I told him to throw it
low and outside.

Oh!

He could have
killed that kid.

[Buttermaker]
Go, engelberg!

Throw the ball, Joey!

He's not throwing it! Go!

Throw the ball, Joey.

Go! Go!

What are you doing?
Throw it!

They just tied it up.

Billy, your arm
feel okay?

Take the mound.
Chris, right field.

Harriet!

Thirteen, second base.

One, right field.
The score is now 3-3.

This is the last inning.

Tanner, Toby, regi, and Jimmy,

you're sitting
on the bench.

Ogilvie, lupus,

uh, Miguel, and Jose,
you take their place.

[Everyone shouting]

Mr. Buttermaker, if I go in,
we lose the game.

As it is now,
we still have a chance.

A damn good chance,
so be on your toes.

Now get the hell
out of here.

Ogilvie will be
sitting there,

putting in
his asthma medicine.

It's not my fault.

Gee!

Why don't we
just forfeit?

What did they do,

give him a six-pack
before the game?

Mr. Buttermaker,
I don't know about you,
but I want to win,

so don't send me in.

Listen, lupus, you didn't
come into this life...

Just to sit around
on a dugout bench, did you?

Get your ass out there
and do the best you can.

[Announcer]
Your attention, please.
Parents and friends,

this is the last game of
the championship play-offs.

Let's give the little folks
a big hand.

They really deserve it.

Something's wrong with Amanda.

I think I'd better
get in a relief pitcher.

Buttermaker?

Oh, hiya, whitewood.

Could I talk to you
for a minute?

We're busy. We got
a championship game here.

I'm aware of that.

I've got to talk to you.

Yeah?

Listen, is it really necessary
to send in that lupus kid now?
He hasn't played yet.

I know that, buttermaker,
but we've still got a chance.

Everybody on my team
gets a chance to play.

Come on, don't give me
that righteous bullshit!

These kids have gone
through too much for you
to throw it away now.

We've got a chance to win.

You started this thing
so all the boys would have
a chance to play baseball.

I know why I started this!
Not only your boy,
but all the boys.

Look, little boys
hurt easily,

or maybe you haven't
been watching...

What's been going on
here this afternoon.
Get back to the stands...

Before I shave off half
your mustache and shove it
up your left nostril.

All right.
Let's go, let's go.

Hold it!

Time!

Time.

Okay, Amanda, that's it.

There's three more outs,
boilermaker,

so get lost.

Rudi!

[Amanda]
I'm warning you.

Okay, rudi,
you're pitching.

Amanda, get out
in left field.

We have no more
reserves.

If only my knuckler
had been working,

I would have brought
those turkeys down.

We still got a chance.

Come on.
They're doing terrible.

Put us back in.

Don't worry about it.

Okay, Mike.

Don't worry.
We'll catch them.

7-3.

Congratulations.

Looks like the championship
is in the bag, huh?

That's great, huh?
That's great.

Come on, lupus!
Catch it for once!

He caught it!

If everybody gets a hit,
we win the game.
But we need five runs.

Five runs? Easy.
No chance.

What's everybody
moping about?

Stein, you're up, aren't you?
Yeah.

Grab a cruddy bat.

Watch your fingers.
Let's go, Stein. Come on!

[Turner]
He's going for two!

Out.

Two to go, Billy.
We got two to go.

Grab a helmet and get
in the on-deck circle.

I'm sorry.

What are you
sorry about?

That was nice hustle.
Good try.

Put it there.
I like that.

Okay, Billy, two to go.

She's got a sore arm!

You're out.

All right.
One to go, Billy.

Two out. Two out.
One to go.

Okay. One out to go,
and then to pizza hut.

All right. Batter up.

[Announcer] Now batting,
number nine, Albert Ogilvie.
You're holding up the game.

What's the matter, Ogilvie?
The plate is over there.

Well, without going
into much detail,
I'm 0 for 14 this season.

Aside from Timmy lupus,

I'm probably the worst player
in this league.

Would you do me
a favor, Ogilvie?

Just shut up
and get up to the plate
and try to hit the ball.

Come on, batter.
Let's go.

Okay, Mr. Buttermaker.

Strike one.

Okay, Billy,
bear down now.

One out to go, babe.

Never seen you
like this, Ogilvie.

Sure ain't like
algebra, is it?

Just put it over.
He ain't swingin'.

That's the way.
You got a piece of it.

The count is 0-2.

Ball.

Glad you all came.

Frankly, I'm surprised
the little marshmallows
did this well, huh?

2 and 2.

Ball.
Okay! All right!

The count is full.

Come on, Billy!

Lose control or something?
Come on, Billy,
don't walk this man.

Ball four.
Take your base.

Go Ogilvie!
On to first, boy!

Okay!

He walked him.

Get down there!

All right!

[Buttermaker]
That's the way to go.
Come on, Ahmad.

This is for Allah.
And it's going
way out there, sucker.

Let's go, Steve.
Get it, Steve!

Go! Go!
All right!

Beauty!

He beat him with a bunt.

That's a smart play,
Ahmad!

[Announcer]
Now batting, number seven,
Miguel agilar, second base.

Ball.

That's it.
Way to look.

I know he's small, Billy.
Pitch it lower.

Ball.

All right, Miguel.
Way to go.

Ball, inside.

3-0.

Ball four.
Take your base.

All right, Miguel!

[Turner]
You all right, Billy?

[Announcer]
Now batting, number three,
Kelly leak, center field.

Billy.

Hey, Turner!

What the hell are you doing,
walking a man with
the bases loaded?

You're putting the tying
run on first base,

you imbecile!

Couldn't manage a food store.
He's managing a baseball team.
Let's go.

[Crowd booing]

[Man]
What's the matter?
You can't pitch to him?

Come on!

You're out!

Engelberg. Regi.

What's this?
We're celebrating.

Why are we celebrating?
Because you should be
damn proud of yourselves.

- I'll drink to that.
- Skoal.

Would you cool it with the beer?
I got a photographer here
from the L.A. times.

I would have gotten champagne,
but you don't pay me enough
to manage this team.

Who didn't get a beer?
You're paying him?

No, he's joking.
Don't drink that.

Hey, buttermaker,
maybe next spring,
you'll teach me to hit.

You bet.

Buttermaker, this is
your second-place trophy.

Congratulations.
Thank you, sir.

I know we had our differences,
but at least we settled it
right here on the ball field.

My boys would like to say
something to your team.

We just wanna say
you guys played a good game.

And we treated you
pretty unfair all season.
We want to apologize.

We still don't think you're
all that good a baseball team,

but you got guts, all of you.

Come on.
Let's give them a cheer.

Ready? Okay.

Two! Four! Six! Eight!
Who do we appreciate?

Bears! Bears! Yay!

Hey, Yankees!
You can take your apology
and your trophy...

And shove it
straight up your ass!

And another thing--
just wait till next year.

Yay!
yay!

♪♪ [Chorus singing
march in Italian]

♪♪ [Ends]