Original subtitles

INTERVIEWER: Honestly such a thrill to be here. I'm a huge fan. Aww!

You're sweet. I'm a fan of yours.

So, Siege on Olympus,

this must be so exciting for you both.

How's it feel?

Yeah, just incredible.

Um, I mean, it really takes a team to put together something

like this and I am just so happy and proud of everyone involved.

And I feel nothing.

THEY CHUCKLE

There's been a lot of talk about the chemistry that your characters have on screen.

What's the secret there? Ooh. I, uh...

I guess we're just good at our jobs.

Yeah. I mean, we have had sex a couple of times.

He's such a laugh!

It's actually pretty common on set.

Everyone's fucking.

I mean, in our case, I think it's that Sophie and I are fundamentally...

..incompatible, and we realised that, actually,

we don't really like each other.

I can cut that bit out.

No, that was fun. Keep it in.

I thought it was fun.

It was so nice to meet you. OK, bye, thank you.

Ow!

You are too strong to do that.

Oh, that was not OK. Look, I'm sorry

if I'm not going to play along with your media-baiting bullshit.

Honestly, no-one cares if you think you're too good for this.

You're an actor. This is your job.

Poor you.

I honestly don't know what's going on with you.

And I don't even care.

OK.

MOBILE PHONE VIBRATES

Also we only had sex twice.

And both times were absolutely fine.

Hi! Hi, I was literally just talking about you.

How are you?

Hello. Hi.

I donated a couple of bags of clothes a few weeks ago.

I was just wondering...

I just need... I need to see them on the display.

Why?

Cos I live in the area and I always have a little peek

to see what's, um...

What's going on in the, in the window and I...

I know that I donated some pretty, pretty nice stuff, so...

Break-up? Sorry?

We get a lot of donations after break-ups.

Or breakdowns.

Keira Knightley come in here once just weeping,

donated three Pirates of the Caribbean boxsets.

Wow. Did she? That's... Yeah, wow.

My heart goes out to Keira but, um, I haven't...

I haven't broken up with anyone, so...

I'm of sound mind!

I can't give them back to you, if that's what you're asking. It's not what I'm... Sorry, OK.

Ooh. I feel like I'm not explaining myself here. We're kind of...

..ships in the night here, communication-wise.

I just know that you change your window displays really, like,

quite often, and I never see my clothes,

and I just think they... They do, they really do deserve to be up there, you know?

Once you donate the goods, it's our discretion as to how we sell them.

OK.

Great use of the word discretion there. Mm-hm.

This is nice, actually, just you and I.

It's... We never do this.

We're never just hanging out, just like, you know, pals.

Feels like... Feels like fun and illegal, somehow.

You mean like in a paedophile kind of way?

You think me having you over makes me a predator?

No, I mean cos you're my boss.

I mean, I'm not that much older than you.

It's not like I'm old enough to be your mother. I know. But...

It would have ruined my life.

Ruined my life.

Have I missed something? Is... Are you OK?

I'm sorry. I...I...I'm not OK.

Uh, and if I'm being honest, I'm upset.

Aww, I'm sorry. With you. With me?!

When I hired you, I knew you were a risk.

I mean, you were wearing ballerina flats

and you didn't believe in peanut allergies.

I'm still 50/50 on that.

But you know what? I liked you.

Uh, you're not an idiot and, I mean,

you pose absolutely no threat to my marriage. Cheers!

What I'm trying to say is this cannot continue.

OK, can I just interrupt? So... No, no, no, no, no, no.

I need to say... I need, I need to say my piece, OK?

Because I feel like I know where this conversation is going.

I love this job, OK?

And I know that I'm not the most conventional nanny,

and I know the kids can say a lot of things about me,

but I feel what's really important to remember is that kids lie.

A lot.

You know? And I'm the fun one.

I'm fun Jessie. You know? Like...

And you need a fun nanny and, OK, of course,

I haven't been that much, much fun lately,

I'll be the first to admit that, and I...

I've just been going through a lot of stuff personally,

but I know for a fact it is actually good for a child's development

to see an adult cry at a young age.

I fully know that I need to step up.

And I'm going to do that.

I'm going to be more professional, I'm going to be on time,

I'm going to be...

I'm going to be there. I'm going to be on it.

So you, you don't need to worry.

It's OK.

It's totally fine.

SHE EXHALES

Thank you for listening.

This is not a warning thing.

You're fired.

I am firing you.

Oh, God, that felt so good getting that out!

I have been anxious about this for weeks.

Hooh!

Do you want a scone?

SHE SIGHS

Yes, please.

Gah! Why do they make these so hard to get into?!

Ah, OK.

SHE SIGHS

Jesus.

Oh, I can't wait for that film.

JESSIE LAUGHS

OK...

Whoops! Oh, God.

Sorry. OK, sorry.

Quick survey.

Who here is working on their screenplay?

Where? Anyone? Yeah? Don't be shy.

Yeah, hands up.

That's great. So good. OK.

Up! Up you get.

Get out. No, she's joking.

I'm not. I'm not kidding.

I'm not kidding, I'm not joking.

I'm deadly se... Get out.

Get out.

What do you not understand ab...? Uh, where's the broom?

Yeah. Get out. Shoo.

Shoo, shoo. We are here to sell tickets, not to inspire you.

We are a business.

Taking a while. Taking a while. Mm!

OK, here we go.

SHE HISSES

What are you writing?

Just some ideas.

"Toothbrush with a tiny speaker in it."

You need to go for a walk.

Just so you can listen to music while you brush your teeth.

Sorry, what was that? So you can listen to music...

..while you brush your teeth. Mm. No.

Get out. Get out.

That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard IN MY LIFE!

Bye!

I see you here all the time, so you can actually stay

cos it's just nice seeing women in the cinema, you know?

OK, cool, I'm just editing my vlog.

Oh, I wish you hadn't said that cos, yeah, you have to leave now.

Because I don't like that. I don't like it.

Please? Please leave. Yeah. Laters.

SHE IMITATES FANFARE She's off.

Whoo! And let that be a lesson to you all.

Uh, what are you doing here?

Um, just, uh, work.

Just...just...just working.

Well, it's a pretty slow day so you can probably go home.

I know you've been avoiding me, and I know why you're angry.

It was a very awkward conversation.

I was flustered. Have you asked Tom what I said?

Technically I didn't say you had a boyfriend.

It's not... It's not about that. It's... I don't care what he thinks.

It just wasn't your place to say anything. I know.

I'm sorry.

It's fine. It's fine.

Have you seen him again?

No. I'm actually glad you brought this up, though, because I, um,

I am seeing someone new.

I wanted you to be the first to know.

Uh, it's called the Babadook.

It's got a top hat, it's really good with kids, you know?

Look, can I...say something?

No.

No.

I like you.

No! No.

Excuse me? I reject that.

I just reject everything about what you just said.

It's actually very hard for me to say that.

You have a crush, that's fine. That's totally fine.

I had a crush on a guy I saw using a leaf blower yesterday.

It's more than a crush.

OK, Mandy Moore.

Sorry. Sorry.

OK, before you decide this is how you want to feel,

how about you write a list of everything that you don't like about me?

But I like everything about you.

You know that's not true. Last year, Christmas party, you got super drunk, you told me

I was stacking the drinks cups wrong. There's your first thing for the list.

Yeah, because I was trying to help you stack the cups properly! Whatever.

Also, I clearly had a system for that,

and you just obviously didn't understand that, because we use

the large ones first, so they obviously go on the left, and...

Don't write that one down. Actually, do not write that one down,

cos I was right and I'm going to reinstate that.

SHE PANTS

OK.

OK, I don't want to sound ungrateful for this job, but...

Here she goes.

London is fucked, and everyone here can get fucked.

Whoo! She's in a mood.

Why would anyone choose to live here?

If it's good enough for Rihanna, it's good enough for you.

OK, I forgot she lived here for a bit.

Yeah, so sick. Oh, uh, this is for last week, before I forget.

SHE EXHALES

Huh! Brr!

What? This is so...

Oh, this is so much money. I told you.

There's some serious cash in the flower biz.

I've never held this much money before in my life.

What do you do with it? Buy stocks?

Is that what people do?

SHE GASPS

I should buy stocks!

Hey, you've got a few more deliveries first, my little Wolf of Wall Street.

Let's get you gone.

SHE HOWLS

I like that. Wolf of Wall Street. Yeah, I like that. It's all right.

Yeah, that's good. OK. That's the spirit.

All right, good luck. All right. OK. Bye! See ya!

Bye-bye!

Hello? I...

Hello?!

I have a flower delivery for you.

CAR HORN HONKS

I am going as fast as I can!

Fuck off, dude!

OK...

So I have flowers from someone who loves you.

Can you just buzz me? Oh!

Oh, my God.

How does a bike get a ticket?

Polite notice, my fucking arse!

Are you fucking kidding me?

Hello. Hello again.

Yes, OK.

Well, um, I would actually like to lay a complaint with your boss.

I am the boss.

Congratulations. Well, I would like to lay a complaint with you, then

because you were wrong. I haven't gone through a break-up.

I haven't gone through a break-up, because you have to be with

someone in order to break-up with them, and that I'm not...

That's not...

I didn't do that. That wasn't me.

So you were wrong.

And quite, quite rude actually.

Right.

Also I would like to purchase my clothes back.

I can't stop you from doing that.

No, you can not.

Where are they?

Over there.

JESSIE LAUGHS

OK.

Being the generous member of the community that I am,

and considering this is a charity shop,

I am more than willing to pay double for those clothes.

Oh, you've...come into some money?

Yes, I have.

Yes, I have.

I have, actually.

I have.

No.

No! No. No, no.

This has been a real roller-coaster.

Fuck.

Fuck, fuck.

Fuck, fuck. It's not in there.

Then check your bag.

Why would I check MY bag?

I specifically remember giving it to you, then you rode off with it.

Yeah, OK.

Did you check your pockets?

Of course I checked my fucking pockets.

All right, don't go off at me.

Fuck.

Whoa. Stop.

Why would you give it to me this side of the day?

It's like you don't even know who I am.

Of course this was going to happen. Now it's my fault?

It's, it's England's fault.

OK? And you are...

you're a part of that, so I have to go to my other job,

which I'm late for.

Good riddance, cos you're sacked from this one.

You can't sack me, I don't work for you.

Hit the showers.

You need to cool off, bitch.

I am so sorry I'm late.

Oh, um, you're not late.

SIGHS

My God.

Good thing you're here, though.

I have the list. What?

The list of things I don't like about you.

Oh, yeah.

Today's not a great day.

You're a snob. You're stubborn.

You're insanely competitive, and have got us

banned from most pub quizzes in a five-mile radius of this place.

You blame most things on capitalism, even though you buy

a lot of things online.

And I know that because you get most of it sent here, which is

against work policy.

Sometimes you pretend to see films

when you clearly haven't just to seem smart.

Bod poser? What was that one?

Oh, bad posture.

Yeah, that's it.

Bad posture.

Uh, you can hit me quite hard sometimes, and even though

I know you're joking, it's still technically assault.

Sometimes you're mean and you give the worst apologies.

You give really bad hugs, and you wear too much perfume sometimes.

And that's it.

Is that enough?

Yeah, I reckon.

You feel better now?

Yeah.

I don't feel anything for you now.

Cool.

Great.

What are you doing here?

I have no idea.

I've just spent a day doing a shitty job because I can't afford

not to do it, because I just got fired from my other shit job.

So I'm busting my ass to stay in a city I'm not even from.

Like I...

I didn't choose to move here.

I... uh, obviously I moved here because of, you know.

And that didn't work out, so I decided to say, and I don't

know why I did, because I fucking hate it here half the time anyway.

People are so mean here.

The air is literally poison.

Everyone I know here is an alcoholic.

Everyone's like "Oh, go overseas, Jessie, do your overseas experience,

"it's going to be great," which is fine, that's totally fine.

But I, I don't... I don't have anything to show for my time here.

I work at a cinema for pretty much no money.

I haven't done anything.

I haven't done anything.

And I'm old now.

I'm so old.

I'm 28.

I mean, I thou...

I thought I would at least have been divorced by now.

At least be with someone.

It's not like I have any family here either.

SIGHS

I don't have a person.

I mean, Kate is my emergency contact.

Kate.

Do you know how scary it is to have Kate as your emergency contact?

And I know as I'm saying it out loud, I can feel myself...

I feel like a whiny piece of shit, I can hear that, but I...

I know it's my own fault.

It's my own fault that I'm here.

And that I'm me.

And this is my life.

And then I have bod poser.

Uh, I, I actually meant why are you here?

Cos you're not rostered on tonight.

LAUGHS

Fucking hell.

Oh, God.

I'm sorry, I've had a really bad day.

Aw.

Oh, mate.

Also I didn't get us banned from that last pub quiz.

Yes, you did. No, I didn't. Cos he was a dick.

Jessie, you yelled at the quiz master. I, yeah, but he...

he deserved it.

That list was savage.

You told me to do it.

No, but I thought at least it would have like a fun twist at the end.

I can't believe you're over me already.

Sorry.

I was kidding.

Sorry.

Ow.

KNOCKING

Why are you knocking?

Cos I'm afraid.

SIGHS

Come in here.

Sorry I was a bitch.

Good.

Because I brought you a present.

LAUGHS

Oh, my...

Oh, Kate, I didn't even want any of these.

Well, neither did the general public, apparently.

They were a steal.

Like, so cheap.

Right.

I feel sad.

What's going on then?

I think I have to go home.

You are home.

HOME home.

Well, um, you can't.

I burnt your passport.

I think I want to go home.

Right.

You can't go. What am I going to do?

You survived before I got here.

Well, I don't want some random weirdo living in your room.

I'll get someone nice and normal and really hot.

You're really hot.

Or someone who can pay rent.

That would be nice.

If you go, you'll forget about me.

You're not going to remember me when you're old. Yeah.

I'll try really hard not to.

My dear, remember those heady days when your gorgeous flatmate

brought you back all these clothes you never even cared for?

How could I forget them? It was utterly charming.

My darling, weren't our 20s outrageous?

You bedded a damn movie star and tossed him aside like a plaything.

I'm going to miss you.

I know.

I'm great.

You want a tea? Yes, please.

VIDEO: This could be the last video ever taken of you.

VIDEO: Shut up. You can't say that.

Kate? Ka... I...

I didn't consent to any of this.

What did you do? Oh, my God.

VIDEO: This could be the last video ever taken of you.

Shut up, you can't say that.

It's horrible.

Aww, cute.

Yeah, a little flower girl.

It's a video.

OK.

SIGHS

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