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-NARRATOR: Do you wish
you could take back
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00:00:07,591 --> 00:00:09,343
the worst day of your life?
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-Can you smell my vagina?
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Not... Uh...
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No.
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I'm not saying you look like
a pervert or anything.
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I've got nothing against
perverts.
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My Uncle Trevor
was a pervert.
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Sorry, I made this weird.
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I didn't mean to
make it weird.
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The thing is...
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I sort of
haven't been home yet.
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Now, this is wild,
so wait for it.
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Yesterday afternoon,
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I went to the birthday party
of a two-year-old.
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My friend's little girl.
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I mean, well... I mean,
our husbands work together,
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I've only met her twice,
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but it was a costume party,
obviously, hence...
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Et voila.
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I'm, like, an angel,
basically.
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You know,
like from the Bible.
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I was checking that
I didn't smell sort of thing.
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'Cause like I said,
I haven't been home.
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I actually think
I might still be drunk.
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I'm Jenny, by the way.
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I am great fun at parties.
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Reliable. I'm usually
the first person to arrive,
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and the last person to leave.
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That being said,
even I know that sometimes
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you just gotta go home and
wash off your congealed mascara
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and change your dirty panties.
Am I right?
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Uh...
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I hate waiting.
Don't you?
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So fucking boring.
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Me and my husband
are trying for a baby.
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I think my womb is fucked.
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I find it kinda funny when
people say that, you know?
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"Trying" for a baby.
Basically just means
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he's ejaculating
inside me constantly,
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but, you know,
in a romantic, organized way.
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And I don't really
mind him doing it.
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It's just nice to feel wanted
by your husband, you know?
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Even if it is mainly to be
used as an incubator to grow
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a miniature version of him
inside me
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to feed his faltering ego.
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Oh, he's an AI counselor.
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We've been together
seven and a half years.
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We met at a sushi bar.
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He did have a brief dalliance
with Flavia from accounts,
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00:03:04,310 --> 00:03:05,895
but that was more my fault
because
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I made him feel insecure about
his receding hairline.
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And I think he'll be
a great father.
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You know?
He's really wide.
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And, uh, you know, we always
talked about having kids.
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I just... I hope that they
inherit my bone structure
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because Lazlo is
built like a potato.
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Lazlo's my husband,
by the way.
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Lopsided penis.
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And I know that
it sounds like a cliché,
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but I just know that
I was born to be a mother.
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I'm patient and I'm... Ah.
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Kind. You know?
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I've got so many Tupperwares.
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And whenever I hold
another person's baby,
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it stops crying.
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Like, right away.
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Plus, I'm not afraid of poop.
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Or of accidentally killing it.
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Anymore.
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Also, kids fucking love me.
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Seriously.
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The kid next door,
obsessed with me.
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00:04:03,118 --> 00:04:05,621
He's very sweet,
actually.
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00:04:05,704 --> 00:04:08,958
Tyler. He runs out to see me
whenever I get home.
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It's like he waits for me,
listening for my car.
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Like I got some creepy,
adorable stalker.
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I used to baby-sit him.
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Back when we first moved in.
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Yeah, just weekends,
you know,
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or the odd evening
after school.
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It's not really a big deal.
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Well, I mean, it was
a big deal at the time,
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because I really
looked forward to it,
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but I hardly ever
think about it now.
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I wanted his dad to
sit on my face.
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I know.
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The truth is that Carl,
my neighbor,
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is the sexiest man on Earth.
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He's got those
tanned veiny hands
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that you can just imagine
fondling your breasts.
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I was going out to
take out the trash
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and he just appeared.
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Like a mirage.
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Leaning over the fence.
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"Hey, neighbor," he purred.
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His chiseled jaw
catching the light,
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and the trash bag split
and my ovaries exploded.
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It was like I went into
some kind of a weird trance.
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You know?
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I know that he was talking
something about lawnmowers,
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but all I could focus on
was his Adam's apple.
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So prominent.
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I had this overwhelming urge
to just suck it.
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And then his son came
bounding over, thank God.
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I think I agreed to baby-sit
purely out of embarrassment.
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That, and also, I wanted to
snoop around Carl's house
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and sniff his
dirty boxer shorts.
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I was gonna trick him into
falling in love with me.
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So it seems like
an excellent plan.
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But I really didn't know
how to baby-sit.
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Uh, and Tyler liked to
talk about Spider-Man.
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Did I know that Spider-Man
could build a web
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strong enough to hold
The Hulk?
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Did I know that Spider-Man
could bench press
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ten tons
at 200 miles per hour?
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After a while,
I just started to say yes.
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Cutting him off
before he could finish.
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Did I know that
Spider-Man... Yes.
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Did I know...
Fucking yes.
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Oh, I mean, I didn't say
the F word, obviously,
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but you get my drift.
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I mean, it's just hard work
pretending to be
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interested in somebody
when somebody is just,
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like, whittling on,
you know what I mean?
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Honestly,
I think I just thought
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there would be
a lot more sittin'.
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You know, just hanging out
in another person's house.
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Got to remember,
I wasn't being paid for this.
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I mean, Carl had offered,
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but I thought that
if I took the cash,
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he'd be less likely
to pay me in sex.
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I knew I had to make
the kid like me,
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because if the kid liked me,
then the dad would like me.
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So I let him run wild.
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Like a hooligan.
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He was riding his bike
in the house,
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having ice cream for dinner.
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Oh, it was so much fun.
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The most fun I had in years.
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I forgot that feeling,
you know?
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You know, just to be...
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free and fuckin' tear shit up.
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Oh...
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I felt like I could be myself
around Tyler.
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He didn't judge me.
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You know?
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00:07:12,724 --> 00:07:15,310
And yeah, he talked about
Spider-Man a lot,
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and he could be a tedious,
dweeby little bore,
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but he was also just
really open.
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I mean, I know that sounds
ridiculous
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'cause I'm talking about
an eight-year-old,
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but... he'd listen to me.
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Like what I had to say
actually meant something.
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I have always found it
so difficult
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to open up to people.
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Ask anybody,
I'm a very closed book.
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And Tyler would
ask me questions.
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And I told him the truth.
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The actual truth.
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How I hated being
Jenny Taylor.
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How I didn't blame
my reproductive organs
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for rejecting me.
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How I didn't know if I could
ever love my own baby
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knowing that we shared
the same shitty DNA.
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00:08:09,531 --> 00:08:12,367
I mean, he told me
about his life, too.
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How the little turds
in his class
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would bully him
about his glasses.
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I mean, I could see why,
they were fucking hideous,
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but...
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I felt this sort of
responsibility.
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Like I wanted to protect him.
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And then there was one day
where he just started to cry.
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And I remember that
I just held him close...
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this tiny lycra-clad
quivering body,
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and I started to cry, too.
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Unashamedly.
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We both just sat there on
the floor of his playroom
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sobbing into
each other's arms.
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Two snotty humans
just hurting.
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00:08:59,790 --> 00:09:02,960
And afterwards,
he looked up at me...
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00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:05,963
his disproportionately
magnified red eyes
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without a hint of malice,
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and he said,
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00:09:10,467 --> 00:09:12,219
"Vivian said you were sad."
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00:09:14,805 --> 00:09:18,100
And in that moment,
as I looked back at him,
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00:09:18,183 --> 00:09:22,396
I knew that Carl had
a fucking girlfriend.
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00:09:24,481 --> 00:09:27,651
And I should have known,
actually,
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00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:31,280
because there were
two toothbrushes
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00:09:31,363 --> 00:09:32,572
in his bathroom.
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00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:39,496
And, of course,
Carl had a girlfriend.
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00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:41,581
Why wouldn't Carl have
a girlfriend?
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Motherfucker!
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Ugh!
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00:09:49,131 --> 00:09:51,717
I met her, eventually.
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00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:53,802
This "girlfriend."
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00:09:53,885 --> 00:09:56,471
Annoyingly beautiful.
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00:09:56,555 --> 00:09:58,265
One of those thin women
that you just know
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00:09:58,348 --> 00:10:00,058
has all her pubes lasered off.
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00:10:00,142 --> 00:10:03,186
French looking. I mean,
she is fuckin' French.
201
00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:05,314
But she also looks French.
202
00:10:05,397 --> 00:10:07,983
In an expensive
Breton top way,
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00:10:08,066 --> 00:10:10,444
not in the garlicky way.
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00:10:10,527 --> 00:10:12,946
Worst of all,
she's fucking nice. Ugh!
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00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:17,367
I felt kind of pathetic
after I saw her.
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00:10:17,451 --> 00:10:19,453
Kind of silly.
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00:10:19,536 --> 00:10:21,079
I mean, to think that Carl
would ever look twice
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00:10:21,163 --> 00:10:22,956
at somebody like me.
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00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:24,499
I still carried on
babysitting, though.
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00:10:24,583 --> 00:10:27,294
Not because of Carl,
obviously,
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00:10:27,377 --> 00:10:30,672
even though he was still
the sexiest man on Earth,
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00:10:30,756 --> 00:10:32,007
but because of Tyler.
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00:10:33,592 --> 00:10:35,927
Yeah. I grew fond of
the little dweeb.
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00:10:36,011 --> 00:10:39,890
As I used to wander around
Tyler's messy lived-in house
215
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:42,225
in my bare feet,
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00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:45,020
I used to imagine that
it was my house,
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00:10:45,103 --> 00:10:46,480
that I lived there,
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00:10:46,563 --> 00:10:50,609
that it was me who was
perfect and French.
219
00:10:50,692 --> 00:10:54,613
I used to try on her shoes,
painful little pointy things.
220
00:10:54,696 --> 00:10:57,407
I had a bath once
in their en suite.
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00:10:57,491 --> 00:10:58,784
Ahh.
And one night,
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00:10:58,867 --> 00:11:02,579
after I made sure
Tyler was asleep,
223
00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:04,414
I went to their bedroom.
224
00:11:04,498 --> 00:11:07,542
I looked at myself again
in their full-length mirror,
225
00:11:07,626 --> 00:11:10,212
and I told myself out loud
226
00:11:10,295 --> 00:11:12,214
how beautiful I was.
227
00:11:12,297 --> 00:11:14,299
How I was too good for them.
228
00:11:14,383 --> 00:11:16,676
How I was
a nice fucking person
229
00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:20,055
who deserved a man like Carl
and a hairless French vagina.
230
00:11:20,138 --> 00:11:22,891
And then I just started
to get undressed.
231
00:11:22,974 --> 00:11:26,770
Mm... first my dress,
then my underwear,
232
00:11:26,853 --> 00:11:29,398
'til I just stood there
stark buck naked,
233
00:11:29,481 --> 00:11:33,693
wearing nothing but a smile
and her painful pointy shoes.
234
00:11:36,446 --> 00:11:39,574
And I think I must have been
very drunk,
235
00:11:39,658 --> 00:11:42,285
and I must have dozed off,
236
00:11:42,369 --> 00:11:43,703
because next thing you know,
237
00:11:43,787 --> 00:11:47,457
I am awoken by this
God almighty scream.
238
00:11:47,541 --> 00:11:49,209
"Why are you in our bed?
239
00:11:49,292 --> 00:11:51,044
"Why are you naked?
240
00:11:51,128 --> 00:11:53,422
Out of my shoes!"
241
00:11:53,505 --> 00:11:56,758
And, obviously, all
the screaming woke up Tyler,
242
00:11:56,842 --> 00:11:58,635
who just stood at
the top of the stairs
243
00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:00,387
asking me what was wrong.
244
00:12:00,470 --> 00:12:03,598
"Don't worry.
Everything's fine,"
245
00:12:03,682 --> 00:12:05,892
I told him.
246
00:12:05,976 --> 00:12:07,519
But Carl threw me
out of the house
247
00:12:07,602 --> 00:12:09,104
and he hissed in my face,
248
00:12:09,187 --> 00:12:11,106
"Don't you ever
come around here again.
249
00:12:11,189 --> 00:12:14,234
"If I ever see you
so much as talk to Tyler,
250
00:12:14,317 --> 00:12:15,944
I'm gonna call the police."
251
00:12:16,027 --> 00:12:18,447
It was really humiliating.
252
00:12:18,530 --> 00:12:20,490
There was such hatred
in his eyes,
253
00:12:20,574 --> 00:12:23,827
and, like, he thought
I was a monster.
254
00:12:23,910 --> 00:12:28,457
And so I never went back
after that.
255
00:12:28,540 --> 00:12:30,667
And I don't think they ever
told Tyler what happened,
256
00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:32,752
which is a good thing.
257
00:12:32,836 --> 00:12:34,171
And it would break my heart
258
00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:36,965
when he would come
running out to see me,
259
00:12:37,048 --> 00:12:38,508
and I'd have to ignore him.
260
00:12:40,510 --> 00:12:43,054
His sad little voice
calling over the fence,
261
00:12:43,138 --> 00:12:46,349
"Jenny. Jenny, why don't you
like me anymore?"
262
00:12:49,436 --> 00:12:51,354
I think I might have been
his only friend.
263
00:12:55,942 --> 00:12:58,028
In many ways,
he was kind of mine.
264
00:13:01,114 --> 00:13:02,866
And our two houses
share a driveway,
265
00:13:02,949 --> 00:13:05,577
and still, now,
to this day,
266
00:13:05,660 --> 00:13:09,289
whenever I get home,
he comes running out to see me.
267
00:13:09,372 --> 00:13:14,252
This little Spider-Man figurine
taps on my Alfa Romeo window.
268
00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:19,674
I mean, it's kind of annoying,
actually,
269
00:13:19,758 --> 00:13:21,510
'cause he's scratching
the glass.
270
00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:25,013
I still masturbate over
the pointy shoes.
271
00:13:30,060 --> 00:13:31,144
Woo!
272
00:14:09,099 --> 00:14:11,393
I can't actually remember
what I'm waiting for.
273
00:14:16,398 --> 00:14:19,818
Why the fuck am I here?
274
00:14:19,901 --> 00:14:22,237
I just wish I could remember
how I got here.
275
00:14:26,032 --> 00:14:28,493
I was at the party...
276
00:14:28,577 --> 00:14:31,997
but I wasn't drinking.
277
00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:35,375
And there were so many
dull people...
278
00:14:35,458 --> 00:14:38,086
talking about
their dull children.
279
00:14:40,046 --> 00:14:41,881
I remember one man
just showed me
280
00:14:41,965 --> 00:14:45,135
an endless VR of
his son sleeping.
281
00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:47,971
Since when did sleeping
become a spectator sport?
282
00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:54,477
Just beige conversation
with beige people
283
00:14:54,561 --> 00:14:57,147
eating beige food...
284
00:14:57,230 --> 00:14:59,316
and it was giving me
a stomachache,
285
00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:02,986
so I went and I hid in
the downstairs bathroom.
286
00:15:04,696 --> 00:15:07,198
It was quiet in there.
287
00:15:07,282 --> 00:15:12,495
The hum of the fan
was like white noise,
288
00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:15,707
and I let it wash over me
as I sat on the toilet
289
00:15:15,790 --> 00:15:18,460
with my underwear
around my ankles.
290
00:15:19,711 --> 00:15:21,212
It had been four weeks.
291
00:15:23,131 --> 00:15:24,424
Four weeks of waiting.
292
00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:29,220
I thought it had
finally worked this time.
293
00:15:32,057 --> 00:15:33,767
I was five days late.
294
00:15:35,810 --> 00:15:38,563
And I knew I would love her.
295
00:15:38,647 --> 00:15:41,650
Because Tyler had shown me
that I was worthy of love.
296
00:15:43,985 --> 00:15:46,154
And I didn't feel it inside me
297
00:15:46,237 --> 00:15:49,032
this new missing piece.
298
00:15:49,115 --> 00:15:51,326
You know,
my body just told me.
299
00:15:51,409 --> 00:15:53,203
My nipples were sore.
300
00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:56,122
I had this weird
metallic taste in my mouth.
301
00:15:57,999 --> 00:16:00,794
But, um...
302
00:16:00,877 --> 00:16:02,545
then I saw it on the tissue.
303
00:16:04,255 --> 00:16:05,298
Blood.
304
00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:08,009
So much blood.
305
00:16:12,055 --> 00:16:16,601
The missing piece
I had been praying for...
306
00:16:16,685 --> 00:16:18,144
dead in my underwear.
307
00:16:20,438 --> 00:16:22,190
You know, I don't even know
how long I was in there,
308
00:16:22,273 --> 00:16:25,902
but somebody was
banging on the door,
309
00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:28,571
and I didn't have
any stuff with me,
310
00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:30,448
so I just ransacked
the cupboards,
311
00:16:30,532 --> 00:16:32,242
but there wasn't anything.
312
00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:34,244
I could just find
tissue paper and...
313
00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:36,996
I already blocked up the toilet
so I just...
314
00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:38,957
got out of there
as fast as I could,
315
00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:43,795
and didn't make eye contact
with anyone in the line.
316
00:16:43,878 --> 00:16:47,048
And I walked
straight over to the buffet,
317
00:16:47,132 --> 00:16:51,052
and I poured myself
a large glass of Pinot Grigio.
318
00:16:51,136 --> 00:16:53,805
And I downed it.
319
00:16:53,888 --> 00:16:55,932
And then
I poured myself another,
320
00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:58,143
and I kept knocking 'em back
321
00:16:58,226 --> 00:17:00,562
until my heart
didn't hurt anymore,
322
00:17:00,645 --> 00:17:04,941
until I couldn't hear
all the two-year-olds playing,
323
00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:08,778
until I was numb and buzzied.
324
00:17:10,155 --> 00:17:13,074
And then it was like
325
00:17:13,158 --> 00:17:16,995
the party seemed
so much better then.
326
00:17:17,078 --> 00:17:19,831
Like it was suddenly full of
possibilities.
327
00:17:19,914 --> 00:17:22,500
I wanted to talk to people,
you know?
328
00:17:22,584 --> 00:17:24,961
And I was mingling with
the crowd.
329
00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:27,172
I was laughing and dancing.
330
00:17:28,298 --> 00:17:30,008
I was being really funny.
331
00:17:30,091 --> 00:17:31,301
I was being vivacious.
332
00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:33,428
I... I had this bottle of vodka
333
00:17:33,511 --> 00:17:36,264
and I was just pouring it
into people's mouths.
334
00:17:36,347 --> 00:17:39,934
And I could sense very clearly
335
00:17:40,018 --> 00:17:42,187
that Colin was pressed.
336
00:17:42,270 --> 00:17:45,064
So I dragged him
across the garden
337
00:17:45,148 --> 00:17:46,149
over to the drinks.
338
00:17:46,232 --> 00:17:48,318
"Colin needs a Bailey's!"
339
00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:52,447
And I grabbed the bottle
out of the icy water,
340
00:17:52,530 --> 00:17:56,493
but then, uh, it was,
like, slippery and cold.
341
00:17:56,576 --> 00:17:59,037
And we fought over
the screw cap.
342
00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:02,040
And the next thing,
we're on the floor.
343
00:18:03,541 --> 00:18:06,169
Absolutely hysterical.
344
00:18:06,252 --> 00:18:11,633
And I'm sloshing the Bailey's
all over his face.
345
00:18:11,716 --> 00:18:16,721
And then people start shouting,
crowding around us.
346
00:18:16,805 --> 00:18:20,475
And Lazlo's there, too,
like, his face is all red,
347
00:18:20,558 --> 00:18:22,185
and he's saying,
"You're embarrassing yourself,
348
00:18:22,268 --> 00:18:24,771
you need to go home."
349
00:18:24,854 --> 00:18:27,273
And it's nasty.
350
00:18:27,357 --> 00:18:29,067
And it's hostile.
351
00:18:29,150 --> 00:18:31,653
A sea of angry faces.
352
00:18:31,736 --> 00:18:34,656
And I can feel the shame
flushing my cheeks,
353
00:18:34,739 --> 00:18:38,243
and, you know,
I try to explain,
354
00:18:38,326 --> 00:18:40,453
but everybody hates me.
355
00:18:40,537 --> 00:18:42,247
People are pointing at me and...
356
00:18:42,330 --> 00:18:45,667
and then I could see
somebody laugh,
357
00:18:45,750 --> 00:18:49,671
"And I think we're all
aware of the situation."
358
00:18:49,754 --> 00:18:51,381
And I look down,
359
00:18:51,464 --> 00:18:53,883
and then I see that
I bled through my dress.
360
00:18:59,430 --> 00:19:01,266
And I just... I...
361
00:19:01,349 --> 00:19:04,060
I just need to
get out of there.
362
00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:10,233
So I... I push my way through
the barrier of bodies,
363
00:19:10,316 --> 00:19:13,361
hot, salty tears
stinging my eyes.
364
00:19:15,405 --> 00:19:18,324
And I just...
I need to go home.
365
00:19:20,034 --> 00:19:23,079
And I... I know that
I shouldn't drive,
366
00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:26,040
but it's only
around the block.
367
00:19:26,124 --> 00:19:28,793
So I stumbled into
my Alfa Romeo,
368
00:19:28,877 --> 00:19:32,088
and I scan my retina
to start the ignition,
369
00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:36,676
and I slam my foot hard
on the gas,
370
00:19:36,759 --> 00:19:41,055
speeding away from
all of the pain.
371
00:19:41,139 --> 00:19:45,059
And there's tears in my eyes
blurring my vision.
372
00:19:45,143 --> 00:19:48,646
The humiliation there,
it's still in the car,
373
00:19:48,730 --> 00:19:52,108
like an unwanted guest in
the passenger seat.
374
00:19:53,318 --> 00:19:56,029
And the road seems distorted,
375
00:19:56,112 --> 00:19:58,323
warped and unfamiliar,
376
00:19:58,406 --> 00:20:00,533
but I know that
I'm nearly there,
377
00:20:00,617 --> 00:20:04,829
so I cling onto
the steering wheel,
378
00:20:04,913 --> 00:20:07,624
and as I swerve around
the bend,
379
00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:10,627
and I could see my driveway,
380
00:20:10,710 --> 00:20:12,921
but I'm... I'm gaining speed.
381
00:20:13,004 --> 00:20:15,006
Flash of the mailbox.
382
00:20:15,089 --> 00:20:16,925
I rub at my eyes.
383
00:20:17,008 --> 00:20:19,052
I'm losing control.
384
00:20:19,135 --> 00:20:21,095
But I slammed on the brakes,
385
00:20:21,179 --> 00:20:23,056
but it just happened
all so fast,
386
00:20:23,139 --> 00:20:25,975
the horrible impact
as I crashed.
387
00:20:26,059 --> 00:20:29,062
And there's colors
and cracking and limbs.
388
00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:35,234
And the Spider-Man figurine.
389
00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:50,083
No!
390
00:20:57,966 --> 00:21:01,219
No, I didn't.
I didn't do it.
391
00:21:15,024 --> 00:21:17,193
-MALE VOICE: Consciousness
upload almost complete.
392
00:21:17,276 --> 00:21:20,488
Hey, Kev. She's ready for
cerebral extraction.
393
00:21:20,571 --> 00:21:22,699
-Let's just make it quick.
I'm supposed to be on lunch.
394
00:21:29,497 --> 00:21:31,124
I'm uploading
her memories now.
395
00:21:31,207 --> 00:21:33,292
It'll take, uh, 10 minutes.
396
00:21:33,376 --> 00:21:35,211
Ah, shit.
You know who this is?
397
00:21:35,294 --> 00:21:36,879
This is that kid killer.
398
00:21:36,963 --> 00:21:39,007
-MALE VOICE:
Oh, shit, you're right.
399
00:21:39,090 --> 00:21:40,383
I know she's a memory donor,
400
00:21:40,466 --> 00:21:42,719
but who's gonna want
her memories?
401
00:21:42,802 --> 00:21:44,137
-You'd be surprised.
402
00:21:44,220 --> 00:21:45,888
Shame she didn't die
in that crash.
403
00:21:45,972 --> 00:21:47,640
Coma feels too easy.
404
00:21:47,724 --> 00:21:49,684
Know what? Fuck it.
I'm taking lunch now.
405
00:21:49,767 --> 00:21:51,978
Gonna let her sit in that
memory a little longer.
406
00:21:52,061 --> 00:21:54,022
-MALE VOICE: Hey, any idea
what soup it is today?
29980
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