Original subtitles

>> LaFonda: TONIGHT ON

"NEWSREADERS," AN ESTIMATED

700,000 AMERICANS COMMUTE TO

WORK BY BIKE.

WHY ARE THEY ALL SUCH DICKS?

AND IT'S SOMETHING THAT ALMOST

EVERYONE HAS IN THEIR KITCHEN,

AND IT COULD KILL YOU, AND,

ALSO, IT'S A KNIFE.

ALL THAT AND MORE, TONIGHT ON

"NEWSREADERS."

WE BEGIN TONIGHT WITH CHILDHOOD

INNOCENCE.

YOU USED TO HAVE IT, BUT THEN

SOMETHING AWFUL HAPPENED AND IT

WAS TAKEN FROM YOU.

BUT WHAT IF YOU STILL HAD IT,

THE CHILDHOOD INNOCENCE?

YOU'D BE MUCH BETTER ADJUSTED,

AND YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO SOLVE

CRIMES.

AMIR LARUSSA TELLS US HOW.

>> MURDERS, COLD CASES,

FORENSICS, BALLISTICS, CHALK

OUTLINES, OTHER CRIME WORDS.

CRIME ISN'T EXACTLY CHILD'S

PLAY.

WELL, TRY TELLING THAT TO

SIX-YEAR-OLD NOAH BRAYLES.

IN THE LAST YEAR, HE HAS SOLVED

30 CRIMES FOR THE

FONTAINE, NEW YORK, POLICE

DEPARTMENT, BECAUSE THE EYES OF

A CHILD SEE THINGS IN WAYS

ADULTS CANNOT.

DETECTIVE LANDAU MET NOAH THE

WAY HE MEETS A LOT OF THE KIDS

HE DOESN'T ARREST.

>> ONCE A YEAR, LOCAL SCHOOL

KIDS COME IN HERE ON A SCHOOL

FIELD TRIP.

WE USE IT TO IDENTIFY KIDS ON A

POWER TRIP SO WE CAN RECRUIT

THEM WHEN THEY'RE OLDER.

>> BUT WHAT DETECTIVE LANDAU

FOUND OUT WAS THAT NOAH WAS ON A

DIFFERENT KIND OF TRIP.

>> I TURNED MY BACK, AND THIS

KID'S OPENED UP A FILING CABINET

AND IS LEAFING THROUGH A BUNCH

OF OLD MURDER-SCENE PHOTOS, AND

HE -- HE PULLS OUT A PICTURE AND

HE ASKS ME ABOUT THE UNICORN IN

IT.

AT FIRST, I TUNE HIM OUT, LIKE I

DO ALL KIDS AND WOMEN, THEN HE

SAYS, "UNICORNS DON'T HAVE TWO

HORNS," AND IT HIT ME.

TWO SHOOTERS.

IT TURNS OUT THE TWO MOBSTERS

WEREN'T WHACKED.

THEY SHOT EACH OTHER!

[ LAUGHS ]

>> [ Laughing ] YOU GUYS SAY,

"WHACKED"?

>> [ Chuckling ] YEAH.

WHAT ELSE WOULD YOU SAY?

THE POINT IS, NOAH SOLVED A COLD

CASE IN MINUTES.

FOR THE RECORD, I THINK IT LOOKS

LIKE A, UH, A GIRAFFE WITH TWO

NECKS.

>> IT'S KIND OF WEIRD THAT YOU

FRAMED IT.

>> REALLY?

>> WE TAGGED ALONG WITH NOAH AND

DETECTIVES FROM THE

FONTAINE POLICE DEPARTMENT AS

THEY INVESTIGATED A HOMICIDE IN

AN ARTIST'S LOFT.

>> * ARE YOU SLEEPING, ARE YOU

SLEEPING? *

* BROTHER JOHN *

>> I'M GETTING TOO OLD FOR THIS

[BLEEP]

AND HE'S GETTING TOO YOUNG.

>> I'M EXACTLY THE RIGHT AGE FOR

THIS [BLEEP]

TO NOAH, IT'S ALL A GAME -- A

GAME THE POLICE HOPE HE PLAYS

FOR A LONG, LONG TIME.

>> WHY IS THIS DIRT RED?

>> IS THAT CLAY?

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE -- THE

RACETRACK.

IF NOAH HADN'T FOUND THE CLAY,

WE WOULDN'T HAVE BROKEN THE

CASE.

>> MY TUMMY'S STARTING TO HURT.

>> WELL, YOU NEED TO POOP?

>> BUT WHAT MAKES NOAH SO GOOD

AT THIS JOB?

HONESTLY, I DON'T KNOW.

I COULD GUESS, OR I COULD ASK

NOTED CHILD PSYCHOLOGIST

MONICA COLLANDER, WHO HAS

STUDIED NOAH.

>> IF NOAH'S SUCCESS CAN BE

REPLICATED, WE COULD MAKE CRIME

A THING OF THE PAST.

>> I NOTICED THAT THE CRIME

SCENE SEEMED TO GIVE HIM SOME

KIND OF STOMACHACHE.

>> THAT'S HOW THEY GET

ATTENTION.

"I'VE GOT A STOMACHACHE.

LOOK AT ME!"

>> "TAKE ME OUT OF THIS GRUESOME

CRIME SCENE."

>> THESE KIDS HAVE GOT TO GROW

UP SOMETIME.

IT'S LIKE FINDING OUT ABOUT

SANTA.

>> OR THE TOOTH FAIRY.

>> OR LOSING YOUR VIRGINITY.

>> IN GRAD SCHOOL.

>> OKAY.

>> NOAH MAY BE A GREAT CLOSER,

BUT SOME SAY A POLICE DEPARTMENT

IS NO PLACE FOR A CHILD.

>> HE'S PUTTING A LOT OF PEOPLE

OUT OF WORK, AND NOT JUST CANINE

DETECTIVES LIKE ME.

PSYCHICS, INDIAN TRACKERS,

OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE GENIUSES --

YOU NAME IT.

>> CRIME NOVELISTS WHO SOLVE

CRIMES ON THE SIDE.

>> YEAH, THOSE GUYS.

>> PEOPLE WHO CAN TALK TO DEAD

BODIES.

>> SURE.

I WHISPER TO DOGS TO GET THEM TO

DO MY BIDDING.

HE SHOULD DO HIS JOB AND LET ME

DO MINE.

>> HOW MANY DOGS DO YOU HAVE?

>> I HAVE 37 DOGS.

>> WHAT ARE THEIR NAMES?

>> I DON'T NAME THEM.

THEY'RE NUMBERED.

>> NUMBERED? 1 THROUGH 37?

>> NO.

>> RANDOM NUMBERS?

>> YES.

>> WHAT KIND OF THINGS CAN YOU

MAKE DOGS DO?

>> YOU KNOW, WE DO LAY DOWN,

ROLL OVER.

WE DO -- I HAVE ONE DOG THAT CAN

WALK BACKWARDS.

>> I'M HAVING A TOUGH TIME

PICTURING HOW THEY SOLVE CRIMES

WITH THOSE --

>> NO, THOSE GUYS DON'T SOLVE

CRIMES.

>> BUT YOU KNOW WHO DOES SOLVE

CRIMES?

NOAH BRAYLES.

WHICH IS WHY HE GOT THE CALL TO

HELP INTERROGATE A SUSPECTED

SERIAL KILLER.

AND THAT IDEA, WHILE ADORABLE,

TURNED OUT TO BE NOT SUCH A GOOD

ONE.

>> YOU'RE ONLY SIX YEARS OLD AND

ALREADY ENSNARED IN THE

TRIFLING BUSY WORK OF CRIME

SOLVING.

>> QUIT WITH THE GAMES,

ROUSSEAU.

>> TELL ME, NOAH, YOU

INVESTIGATE DEATH, BUT DO YOU

ACTUALLY KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN

YOU DIE?

>> YOU...FALL ASLEEP?

>> YOUR HEART STOPS.

YOU STOP BREATHING.

EVERY CELL IN YOUR BODY SCREAMS

OUT IN PAIN, UNWILLING TO GIVE

UP LIFE, BUT IT'S HOPELESS.

YOU FALL ASLEEP...FOREVER.

>> [ Weakly ] I DON'T WANT TO BE

DEAD.

>> THAT TURNED OUT TO BE NOAH'S

LAST DAY ON THE JOB.

NOW HE LIVES THE LIFE OF A

NORMAL KID -- EXCEPT FOR THE

FACT THAT HE STOPPED SPEAKING

THAT DAY AND NOW HAS CONSTANT,

UNCONTROLLABLE SEIZURES.

NOAH'S RETIRED, BUT SOME OF HIS

MAGIC DID RUB OFF ON

DETECTIVE LANDAU.

>> I USED TO THINK I WAS TOO OLD

FOR THIS POO-POO.

THE TRUTH IS, I WASN'T YOUNG

ENOUGH.

>> WHAT'S THAT?

>> OH, THAT'S A SHARK EATING A

HOUSE.

>> NOAH MADE THAT?

>> NO. I DID.

>> MM.

DETECTIVE LANDAU MAY NOT BE

MOVING ON, BUT THE

FONTAINE POLICE DEPARTMENT IS.

THEY'VE NOW TURNED TO ANOTHER

MASTER OF THE OBSERVATIONAL,

LOCAL STAND-UP COMEDIAN CHUCK P.

>> AND WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH THIS

BLOODY EARRING RIGHT HERE?

I FEEL LIKE I'M IN LADY GAGA'S

WARDROBE CLOSET.

THANKS A LOT, GUYS.

>> LaFonda: LATER ON IN THE

PROGRAM -- GAS PRICES.

AM I RIGHT?

BUT FIRST, BOSTON,

MASSACHUSETTS, IS KNOWN FOR MANY

THINGS -- FENWAY PARK, CLAM

CHOWDER, OVERT RACISM, QUIET

SIMMERING RACISM, AND RACISM

THAT IS MEANT AS A JOKE BUT THAT

IS STILL RACISM.

BUT WHEN WE THINK OF BOSTON, WE

ONLY REALLY THINK OF ONE THING.

>> ALLEYWAYS.

CAN'T GET MORE BOSTON THAN

ALLEYWAYS.

>> LaFonda: YES.

IN THE GREAT TRADITION OF NOT

PLACING BUILDINGS RIGHT NEXT TO

EACH OTHER, BOSTON IS THE

LEADER.

AND IT IS A RICH HISTORY.

THE MASSACHUSETTS INDIANS

CONSIDERED THE SPACE BETWEEN TWO

STRUCTURES SACRED.

THEY BELIEVED THE SPIRIT COULD

SOAR TO GREAT HEIGHTS WHILE NOT

BEING CONSTRICTED BY

TOO-TIGHTISH WIDTHS.

AND BOSTON HAS BEEN CASHING IN

ON THIS RESOURCE EVER SINCE THE

VERY FIRST STRUCTURE WAS BUILT

NOT QUITE CLOSE ENOUGH TO ITS

NEIGHBOR.

MIKE SULLIVAN'S ALLEY, LOCATED

IN BOSTON'S FINANCIAL DISTRICT,

IS ONE OF THE CITY'S MOST

FAMOUS, AND IT'S BEEN HIS

FAMILY'S LIVELIHOOD FOR

GENERATIONS.

MIKE'S GREAT-GREAT GRANDFATHER,

AN IRISH IMMIGRANT, WAS THE

FIRST SULLIVAN TO HAVE A GO OF

IT IN THE ALLEY TRADES.

SO, HOW DID HE COME TO OWN AN

ALLEY IN THE FIRST PLACE?

>> BOUGHT IT FROM A WICKED-DUMB

INDIAN.

>> LaFonda: AND HOW MUCH DID IT

COST?

>> $12 WORTH OF BEADS AND

TRINKETS.

IT'S ALL HE HAD AT THE TIME.

THE IRISH WERE SCURVY RICH AND

TRINKET POOR.

>> LaFonda: AND WHAT MAKES THIS

ALLEY PARTICULARLY HISTORIC?

>> EVER HEARD OF THE BOSTON

MASSACRE?

>> LaFonda: NO, BUT I GET IT.

>> THE FIRST MAN KILLED IN THAT

SHOOTING, CRISPUS ATTUCKS, USED

TO RUN A DICE GAME IN HERE.

>> LaFonda: OH.

>> BLACK GUY.

>> LaFonda: MIKE'S

GREAT-GREAT-GRANDFATHER RAN

ILLEGAL BURLESQUE SHOWS HERE IN

THE 1870s.

HIS SON, MIKE'S

GREAT-GRANDFATHER, FOLLOWED HIM

INTO SHOW BUSINESS.

AS A CHILD ACTOR,

FLANNERY SULLIVAN WAS A MEMBER

OF "THE BACK BAY BOYS" -- EARLY

SHORT FILMS IN WHICH THOSE

LOVABLE BOSTON SCAMPS -- SULLY,

SACK, BLACK SULLY, SHULI, AND

THE CHINK -- ASSAULTED GIRLS

UNTIL AN ADVENTURE CAME THEIR

WAY.

BUT IT WASN'T UNTIL MIKE

INHERITED THE ALLEY THAT HE

FOUND A BUSINESS MODEL THAT

WOULD BRING RICHES TO THE

SULLIVAN FAMILY -- RENTING IT TO

FILM PRODUCTIONS.

MIKE'S ALLEY HAS BEEN THE SITE

OF OVER 100 MASSACHUSETTS-BASED

FILMS, INCLUDING LEGAL THRILLER

"MASS APPEAL," HORROR MOVIE

"MIDNIGHT MASS-ACRE,"

PEDRO ALMODOVAR'S "MAS MASS,"

AND "JURASSIC PARK."

BUSINESS WAS GOOD FOR

MIKE SULLIVAN, AND THE FUTURE

LOOKED BRIGHT.

>> THE MASSACHUSETTS BUREAU OF

TOURISM IS SHOOTING A

COMMERCIAL, AND THEY WANT TO

CENTER IT AROUND OUR BOSTON

ALLEYS.

SO, I'M THINKING WIN-WIN.

>> LaFonda: WELL, I GET THE

FIRST WIN -- THAT YOU CHARGE

THEM TO SHOOT HERE -- BUT WHAT

ABOUT THE SECOND WIN?

WHAT IS THAT WIN?

UNLESS CHARGING THEM TO SHOOT

HERE IS THE SECOND WIN, IN WHICH

CASE, I'M MORE CURIOUS ABOUT THE

FIRST WIN.

IN OTHER WORDS, WHAT IS THE WIN

THAT I HAVE YET TO IDENTIFY?

>> OH, OH, ALL RIGHT.

OKAY.

I'M SORRY.

IT'S A WIN-WIN-WIN-WIN.

>> LaFonda: OKAY.

IN THAT CASE, WHAT IS THE

SECOND, THE THIRD, AND THE

FOURTH WIN?

>> THE FIRST WIN IS THE FEE FOR

FILMING, THE SECOND WIN IS THE

ALLEY ITSELF, THE THIRD WIN ARE

ALL THE TOURISTS FLOCKING TO THE

CITY, AND THE FOURTH WIN ARE THE

TRINKETS, WHICH I'M ALREADY

COUNTING AGAIN, BECAUSE I'M

IRISH.

>> LaFonda: BUT THEN THE BOMB

DROPPED THAT WOULD EXPLODE AND

TURN MIKE'S DREAM INTO A

NIGHTMARE -- THE KIND WITH A

NONDESCRIPT ALLEYWAY IN IT.

TO SAVE MONEY, THEY WERE

SHOOTING MIKE'S BOSTON

COMMERCIAL IN LOS ANGELES, AND

MIKE'S FINANCIAL SECURITY

QUICKLY WENT FROM WIN-WIN TO

"THE OPPOSITE OF WIN"-"THE

OPPOSITE OF WIN."

THAT'S BECAUSE HOLLYWOOD

PRODUCERS LIKE BRAM STRUNK

STARTED FILMING ALL OF THEIR

BOSTON-THEMED MOVIES IN

LOS ANGELES ALLEYS.

STRUNK FIRST DREW CONTROVERSY

WITH THE DECISION TO SHOOT

"LUMPY MASS," THE STORY OF

BABE RUTH'S STRUGGLES WITH

BREAST CANCER, IN LOS ANGELES.

MANY HAVE SAID THAT YOU DON'T

CARE ABOUT AUTHENTICITY, ONLY

MONEY.

>> WELL, I SPEND A LOT OF MONEY

ON AUTHENTICITY, OKAY?

THIS, UH, AUTHENTIC BOSTON

GRAFFITI -- IT COST ME $600.

>> LaFonda: YEAH, BUT YOU PUT

THAT THERE, NOT AN AUTHENTIC

BOSTONIAN, LIKE SULLY OR SACK OR

BLACK SULLY OR SHULI OR THE

CHINK.

>> OKAY. ALL RIGHT.

SO -- SO I CAN'T MAKE A MOVIE

ABOUT BABE RUTH'S BOOB CANCER IN

LOS ANGELES BECAUSE

ABIGAIL ADAMS DIDN'T TAKE A DUMP

HERE?

WHAT, DO YOU THINK THAT

ROBERT ZEMECKIS USED AN ACTUAL

TIME MACHINE TO SHOOT THE

"BACK TO THE FUTURE" TRILOGY?

>> LaFonda: WELL, I --

>> NEWS FLASH -- HE DID, AND IT

ALMOST BANKRUPTED THE STUDIO,

OKAY?

THAT'S WHY I DO THINGS ON THE

CHEAP.

>> LaFonda: AND CHEAP PAYS, AS

STRUNK PROVED WITH THE SUCCESS

OF HIS BOX-OFFICE BLOCKBUSTER,

"HERE WE ARE IN BOSTON."

>> WHAT THE KENNEDY IS GOING ON

HERE?

WE DON'T TOLERATE THAT KIND OF

CRAP HERE IN BOSTON!

BECAUSE THIS CITY IS

WICKED-PISSA.

I'M HUNGRY FOR SOME BAKED BEANS,

AND I'M THIRSTY FOR A TONIC,

WHICH IS WHAT WE CALL ANY KIND

OF SODA HERE.

>> BOSTON -- IT'S TOO COLD IN

THE WINTER, TOO HUMID IN THE

SUMMER, AND TOO IRISH ALL YEAR

'ROUND.

>> LaFonda: AS FOR MIKE, HE'S

FOUND A NEW BUSINESS -- GLUING

BROKEN BOTTLES BACK TOGETHER AND

RETURNING THEM FOR THEIR

DEPOSITS.

HE HOPES TO MAKE MANY TENS OF

DOLLARS.

COMING UP NEXT WEEK, IS THIS

MUSTACHE IRONIC OR JUST A CRY

FOR HELP?

AND TUNE IN FOR A NEW SEGMENT,

"WOULD YOU RATHER?" WITH

DAN RATHER.

>> IF YOU HAD TO, WOULD YOU

RATHER LOSE YOUR PINKY FINGER OR

YOUR BIG TOE?

WOULD YOU RATHER BE ABLE TO HEAR

ONLY CONSONANTS OR VOWELS?

WOULD YOU RATHER BE STRANDED ON

A DESERT ISLAND WITH MEGAN FOX

OR OLIVIA WILDE?

WOULD YOU RATHER NEVER BE ABLE

TO EAT CHOCOLATE OR EGGS?

>> LaFonda: I'M LOUIS LaFONDA.

GOOD NIGHT.