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>> LaFonda: TONIGHT ON
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"NEWSREADERS," WE TALK TO
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INNOVATIVE COLORADO RANCHER
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VICTOR CREECH, WHO CLAIMS HE'S
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CREATED THE PERFECT BREED OF
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COW.
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>> MARK MY WORDS -- HUMAN SPERM
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IS THE NEW BULL SEMEN.
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HUMAN SPERM.
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>> LaFonda: AND TOBACCO CRITIC
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VANESSA TAYLOR WILL BE HERE WITH
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A REVIEW OF MIDTOWN MENTHOL
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LITE 100s.
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>> EQUAL PARTS SMOOTH AND
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MINTY -- I'LL TELL YOU WHY THESE
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CIGARETTES ARE ONLY POPULAR WITH
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AFRICAN-AMERICANS.
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>> LaFonda: ALL THAT AND MORE,
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TONIGHT ON "NEWSREADERS."
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TONIGHT WE TURN OUR ATTENTION TO
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AN ENDANGERED SPECIES OF BIRD
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YOU MAY NOT HAVE HEARD OF, BUT
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ALMOST CERTAINLY ARE ABOUT TO,
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BECAUSE THIS WHOLE STORY IS
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ABOUT IT.
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AMIR LARUSSA HAS A REPORT THAT
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IS BOTH HAIR- AND
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AWARENESS-RAISING.
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>> THIS IS THE GRAY-TUFTED
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WARBLER.
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ITS PLAYFUL SONGS HAVE BEEN THE
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SOUNDTRACK FOR GENERATIONS OF
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NATURE LOVERS, BOY SCOUTS,
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CURIOUS TEENAGERS, AND LOVERS OF
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CURIOUS TEENAGE BOY SCOUTS.
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BUT IN RECENT YEARS, ITS
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POPULATION HAS DWINDLED, WITH NO
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OBVIOUS EXPLANATION.
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THE MYSTERY OF THE DISAPPEARING
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WARBLER WAS FINALLY SOLVED WHEN
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PRINCETON AVIAN BIOLOGIST
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VALERIE VESSER WARBLED A
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QUESTION NOBODY ELSE HAD.
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>> ONE DAY, MY LAB ASSISTANT AND
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I WERE 69ing -- WE'RE BOTH
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CLEAN-SHAVEN -- AND I BEGAN TO
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WONDER WHAT HAPPENS TO OUR
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PUBIC HAIR WHEN WE REMOVE IT
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FROM OUR BODIES.
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WHERE DOES IT GO?
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>> OH, YOU WANT --
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UH, IN THE GARBAGE, DOWN THE
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DRAIN.
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>> RIGHT.
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BUT THEN WHERE DOES IT GO?
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>> TRASH. THAT'S THE SAME TH--
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UH, THE DUMPSTER...
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I DON'T KNOW.
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IT'S GONE -- SAME THING THAT
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HAPPENS TO MOTOR OIL AND
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HOSPITAL BILLS.
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>> WELL, LATER THAT SAME YEAR, I
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WAS, UM, RESEARCHING THE
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GRAY-TUFTED WARBLER PROBLEM, AND
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MY ASSISTANT AND I FOUND COPIOUS
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AMOUNTS OF HUMAN PUBIC HAIR IN
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THEIR NESTS.
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>> DO YOU HAVE PICTURES?
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>> OF MY ASSISTANT? OF COURSE.
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>> YEAH.
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DR. VESSER FOUND THAT WHILE
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HUMAN PUBIC HAIR MADE GOOD
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NESTING MATERIAL, IT WAS
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ACTUALLY HARMING THE BIRDS.
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>> SO ONE OF THE FIRST THINGS WE
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HAD TO FIGURE OUT WAS, WHY ARE
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THEY USING PUBIC HAIR?
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>> HMM.
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SHOT IN THE DARK -- IT HAS
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MAGICAL QUALITIES THAT GIVE THEM
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STRENGTH.
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>> THE GRAY-TUFTED WARBLER, UM,
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HAS VERY COARSE FEATHERS, SO THE
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PUBIC HAIR FEELS VERY FAMILIAR
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TO THEM -- LIKE A PUBIC BLANKIE.
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>> AWW.
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>> YEAH.
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>> GOD HAS A PLAN FOR
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EVERYTHING.
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YET THERE ARE PROBLEMS.
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>> WELL, WHAT WE FOUND IS THAT
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THE CHEMICALS THAT YOU AND I USE
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ON OUR BODIES IN BATHS --- SOAPS
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AND WAXES...
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>> DEODORANTS.
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>> ...DEODORANTS -- TRANSFERS
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FROM THE HUMAN HAIR TO THE
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BIRD'S FEATHERS.
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AND WHEN IT GETS ON THE WINGS,
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IT MAKES THEM UNABLE TO FLY AND
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THEREFORE UNABLE TO ESCAPE
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PREDATORS.
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>> THEY'RE KILLED RIGHT AWAY.
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>> RIGHT AWAY.
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>> LIKE MARVIN GAYE WAS.
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>> OR SAM COOKE.
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>> JOHN LENNON.
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>> MARILYN MONROE.
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>> JFK -- NOT TECHNICALLY A
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SINGER, BUT...
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>> IF WE'RE GOING POLITICAL,
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LINCOLN --
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>> ALL THE LADY BABIES IN CHINA.
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>> THE POINT IS, IS THE EFFECTS
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OF PUBIC HAIR ON THE
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ENVIRONMENT, LIKE THE NUMBER
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OF --
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>> MICHAEL JACKSON.
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>> YES. THAT WAS A BIG ONE.
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I REMEMBER WHEN THAT ONE
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HAPPENED.
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>> OH, MY GOD.
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AND AS MORE AND MORE AMERICANS
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HAVE BEEN REMOVING THE HAIR ON
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THEIR PENISES, TESTICLES,
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VAGINAS, AND IN SOME CASES,
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VESTIGIAL PENISGINAS, THE
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ENVIRONMENTAL CONCERNS MOUNT.
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RESEARCHERS AT THE NATIONAL
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OCEANIC AND ATMOSPHERIC
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ADMINISTRATION HAVE IDENTIFIED A
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MASSIVE PUBIC HAIR THE SIZE OF
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RHODE ISLAND FLOATING IN THE
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ATLANTIC OCEAN, 40 MILES OFF THE
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COAST OF RHODE ISLAND.
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SO WITH ALL OF THIS EVIDENCE,
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YOU WOULD THINK PEOPLE WOULD
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THINK TWICE ABOUT SHAVING THEIR
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BODIES, BUT THEY STILL SEEM TO
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BE THINKING ZERO ABOUT IT.
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WE TALKED TO THIS WOMAN, WHO
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ONLY HAD TO THINK ABOUT IT ONCE.
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TWICE WAS UNNECESSARY.
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SHE HAD IT ALL THOUGHT OUT IN
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JUST THE ONE TIME.
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FLAVIA ACAI HAS SEEN THE
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DEVASTATION WAXING AND SHAVING
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HAVE CAUSED IN HER HOME COUNTRY.
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>> THE BRAZILIAN WAX TREE ONCE
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COVERED MOST OF MY COUNTRY, BUT
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IT HAS BEEN CLEAR-CUT.
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>> TO BE HARVESTED FOR BODY WAX?
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>> YES.
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THESE TREES WERE ONCE HOME TO
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THE GRAY-TUFTED WARBLER.
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>> SO THE VERY TREES THEY LIVED
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IN ARE THE SOURCE OF THE WAX
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THAT IS REMOVING THE PUBIC HAIR
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THAT IS POISONING THEM.
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>> YES.
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>> THAT'S VERY IRONIC.
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>> MAYBE THE PUBIC-HAIR
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CONTAMINATION IS ALSO KILLING
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OFF IRONY, BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW
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WHAT YOU MEAN.
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>> SO WHEN I SAY THAT YOU WOULD
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THINK SOMEONE WITH YOUR
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BEAUTIFUL, SMOOTH SKIN WOULD
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PROBABLY BE FULLY SHAVEN...
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NOTHING?
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>> I SORT OF UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU
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MEAN, BECAUSE IT SOUNDS MORE
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LIKE A PARADOX THAN IRONY.
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BUT THE POINT IS, THESE BIRDS --
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THEY NEED THE TREES, AND THEY
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HAVE BEEN CLEAR-CUT TO EXTRACT
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THE WAX, AND ALL OF THE
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VEGETATION IS GONE.
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>> ALL OF THE VEGETATION IS
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GONE?
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>> ALL OF IT.
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>> JUST LIKE ON YOUR...VAGINAS.
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>> YES.
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>> DO YOU HAVE ANY PICTURES?
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>> OF -- OF MY VAGINA?
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>> YEAH.
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>> YES. OF COURSE.
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I'M BRAZILIAN.
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HERE.
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>> LIKE A MUCH HOTTER AL GORE,
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HER DAYS ARE DEVOTED TO RAISING
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ENVIRONMENTAL AWARENESS.
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>> IT'S "JESUS SAVES," NOT
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"JESUS SHAVES."
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HERE YOU GO, BABY.
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>> BUT DESPITE HOW UNBELIEVABLY
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HOT SHE IS, THERE ARE SOME WHO
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ACTUALLY DISAGREE WITH
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FLAVIA ACAI.
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CLINT SCHLIFF IS A LOBBYIST FOR
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THE BODY-HAIR-REMOVAL INDUSTRY
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AND RETAIL GIANT
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ABERCROMBIE & FITCH.
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>> GENITAL SMOOTHENING IS JUST
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BEING UNFAIRLY SLANDERED HERE.
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IT'S JUST GOOD HYGIENE.
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>> IT'S GOOD HYGIENE?
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>> IF IT'S SMOOTHER, THEN IT'S
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CLEANER.
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I'M SURE THAT THE PUBIC-HAIR
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LOBBYISTS, THEY WANT YOU TO
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BELIEVE THAT PUBIC HAIR PREVENTS
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BACTERIA FROM ENTERING THE BODY
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THROUGH THE GENITALS.
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WELL, FRANKLY, I DON'T BUY THAT.
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YOU KNOW, IT'S LIKE HAVING AN
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APPENDIX ON YOUR GENITALS.
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>> YEAH, I'M STILL NOT SEEING
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HOW IT'S HEALTHIER.
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>> YOU KNOW, IT'S LIKE MUSLIMS
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NOT EATING PORK.
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>> WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
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>> RIGHT? YOU'RE MUSLIM, RIGHT?
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>> NO, BUT I DO SHAVE MY BALLS.
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>> WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU'RE NOT
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MUSLIM?
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WHY -- WHY WOULD YOU HAVE A NAME
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LIKE AMIR IF YOU'RE NOT MUSLIM?
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>> I DON'T KNOW.
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>> YOU KNOW, THE ONE THING THAT
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NOBODY'S TALKING ABOUT IS THE
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GRAY-TUFTED WARBLER.
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>> THAT'S, LIKE, PRETTY MUCH ALL
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WE'VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT.
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COVERED IRONY A LITTLE BIT.
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WE'VE BEEN TALKING A BUNCH ABOUT
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PUBES, BUT WE'VE PRETTY MUCH
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JUST BEEN FOCUSED ON THAT WORD.
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LIKE, ALMOST NONSTOP.
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>> WHATEVER.
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GRAY-TUFTED WARBLER IS AN AWFUL
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BIRD, OKAY?
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HE'S A DICK.
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>> WAIT. WHAT?
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>> THE GRAY-TUFTED WARBLER IS
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THE BIGGEST ASSHOLE IN THE BIRD
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KINGDOM.
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OTHER BIRDS DON'T LIKE THE
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GRAY-TUFTED WARBLER.
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>> EVEN BLUE JAYS?
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>> BLUE JAYS ABSOLUTELY DESPISE
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GRAY-TUFTED WARBLERS.
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DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY?
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>> NO.
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>> BLUE JAYS SAY, "IF WE WERE
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DRIVING CARS, GRAY-TUFTED
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WARBLERS WOULD BE THE ONES
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CRAPPING ON OUR WINDSHIELDS."
259
00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:28,891
>> NO, THEY DON'T.
260
00:06:28,889 --> 00:06:30,719
>> IF -- IF ALL THE BIRDS ARE
261
00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:32,594
PEOPLE SWIMMING IN A POOL, THE
262
00:06:32,593 --> 00:06:34,503
GRAY-TUFTED WARBLER IS THE ONE
263
00:06:34,495 --> 00:06:35,895
THAT DROPS A TOASTER IN.
264
00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:37,796
>> IF YOU'RE DRIVING IN A CAR,
265
00:06:37,798 --> 00:06:39,668
THE GRAY-TUFTED WARBLER IS THE
266
00:06:39,667 --> 00:06:41,637
ONE THAT'S CUTTING YOU OFF WHILE
267
00:06:41,635 --> 00:06:43,535
FINGERING YOUR MOTHER, AND IT'S
268
00:06:43,537 --> 00:06:44,507
IN BLACKFACE.
269
00:06:44,505 --> 00:06:45,105
>> YOU GET IT.
270
00:06:45,105 --> 00:06:46,565
I DON'T KNOW WHY BLACKFACE.
271
00:06:46,574 --> 00:06:47,884
>> 'CAUSE IT'S JUST NOT A GOOD
272
00:06:47,875 --> 00:06:48,535
THING T--
273
00:06:48,542 --> 00:06:49,942
>> IT WOULD BE -- IT WOULD BE IN
274
00:06:49,943 --> 00:06:50,683
POOR TASTE.
275
00:06:50,678 --> 00:06:51,478
>> Both: YEAH.
276
00:06:51,479 --> 00:06:52,909
>> 15, 20 YEARS AGO, THAT'D BE
277
00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:54,523
FUNNY STUFF, BUT NOWADAYS YOU
278
00:06:54,515 --> 00:06:55,915
GOT TO REALLY BE CAREFUL WITH
279
00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:56,676
THAT STUFF.
280
00:06:56,684 --> 00:06:58,224
>> FIRST OF ALL, I WOULD GO WITH
281
00:06:58,218 --> 00:06:59,918
A BIGGER NUMBER THAN 15 OR 20
282
00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:00,850
FOR THAT.
283
00:07:00,854 --> 00:07:03,864
UH, SECONDLY...
284
00:07:03,857 --> 00:07:04,957
SO MANY SECONDLIES.
285
00:07:04,958 --> 00:07:06,228
DID YOUR RESEARCH REVEAL
286
00:07:06,226 --> 00:07:07,996
ANYTHING ABOUT HOW OTHER SPECIES
287
00:07:07,995 --> 00:07:09,555
OF BIRDS INTERACT WITH THE
288
00:07:09,563 --> 00:07:10,703
GRAY-TUFTED WARBLER?
289
00:07:10,698 --> 00:07:12,168
>> THE OTHER BIRDS HATE THE
290
00:07:12,165 --> 00:07:13,595
GRAY-TUFTED WARBLER.
291
00:07:13,601 --> 00:07:14,801
IT IS A TERRIBLE BIRD.
292
00:07:14,802 --> 00:07:16,072
IF THOSE BIRDS WERE PEOPLE
293
00:07:16,069 --> 00:07:17,769
SWIMMING IN A SWIMMING POOL, THE
294
00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:19,141
GRAY-TUFTED WARBLERS WOULD BE
295
00:07:19,139 --> 00:07:20,839
THE ONE DROPPING THE TOASTER IN.
296
00:07:20,841 --> 00:07:21,841
>> ARE YOU SERIOUS?
297
00:07:21,842 --> 00:07:23,182
THAT GUY SAID THE EXACT SAME
298
00:07:23,176 --> 00:07:23,776
THING.
299
00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:25,707
>> THE GRAY-TUFTED WARBLER LIVES
300
00:07:25,713 --> 00:07:27,213
SURROUNDED BY PUBIC HAIR.
301
00:07:27,214 --> 00:07:28,624
WHO DOES THAT?
302
00:07:28,616 --> 00:07:29,816
>> WITH AMERICANS SEEMINGLY
303
00:07:29,817 --> 00:07:30,947
UNWILLING TO CHANGE THEIR
304
00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:32,191
HABITS, FLAVIA ACAI HOPES TO
305
00:07:32,185 --> 00:07:33,715
RAISE AWARENESS WITH A SERIES OF
306
00:07:33,721 --> 00:07:35,261
PUBLIC-SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENTS
307
00:07:35,255 --> 00:07:37,055
FEATURING SOME OF HOLLYWOOD'S
308
00:07:37,057 --> 00:07:37,957
BIGGEST STARS.
309
00:07:38,025 --> 00:07:39,585
>> PEOPLE WILL TELL YOU IT'S
310
00:07:39,593 --> 00:07:41,063
COOL OR FASHIONABLE OR SENSUAL
311
00:07:41,061 --> 00:07:42,801
TO WAX AWAY ALL THE HAIR ON YOUR
312
00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:43,556
BODY.
313
00:07:43,631 --> 00:07:44,971
>> BUT WHAT THEY DON'T TELL YOU
314
00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:45,825
IS THAT IT HURTS.
315
00:07:45,833 --> 00:07:47,073
>> ESPECIALLY THE STOMACH.
316
00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:48,697
>> AND IT HURTS OUR ENVIRONMENT
317
00:07:48,702 --> 00:07:49,972
EVEN MORE THAN THE STOMACH.
318
00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:51,840
>> WHICH IS A LOT, BECAUSE THE
319
00:07:51,839 --> 00:07:53,139
STOMACH REALLY HURTS.
320
00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:54,980
>> ALSO, IT CAN CAUSE INGROWN
321
00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:56,575
HAIRS...THAT ALSO HURT.
322
00:07:56,577 --> 00:07:58,047
>> BUT NOT AS MUCH AS THE
323
00:07:58,045 --> 00:07:58,775
STOMACH.
324
00:07:58,779 --> 00:08:00,279
>> All: PEOPLE STARTED
325
00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:01,550
PUBE-OLUTION.
326
00:08:01,549 --> 00:08:02,919
PEOPLE CAN STOP IT.
327
00:08:02,916 --> 00:08:04,316
>> TO AVOID AN ENVIRONMENTAL
328
00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:05,947
DISASTER, FLAVIA ACAI AND HER
329
00:08:05,953 --> 00:08:07,623
FELLOW ACTIVISTS DEVOTE THEIR
330
00:08:07,621 --> 00:08:09,061
TIME TO RAISING MONEY FOR THE
331
00:08:09,056 --> 00:08:11,756
CAUSE AND RAZING THE FORESTS OF
332
00:08:11,759 --> 00:08:13,229
HUMAN PUBIC HAIR.
333
00:08:13,226 --> 00:08:14,596
OF COURSE, SAVING THE
334
00:08:14,595 --> 00:08:16,155
GRAY-TUFTED WARBLER WOULD NOT BE
335
00:08:16,163 --> 00:08:17,063
WITHOUT COSTS.
336
00:08:17,064 --> 00:08:19,074
IT IS SUCH A WRETCHED CREATURE.
337
00:08:19,066 --> 00:08:20,896
>> IF THE GRAY-TUFTED WARBLER IS
338
00:08:20,901 --> 00:08:22,301
MY OLDER BROTHER TOM, HE'S,
339
00:08:22,302 --> 00:08:24,102
LIKE, HOLDING YOU UNDERWATER IN
340
00:08:24,104 --> 00:08:25,914
THE SWIMMING POOL, AND HE BRINGS
341
00:08:25,906 --> 00:08:27,606
YOU UP IN JUST ENOUGH TIME TO
342
00:08:27,608 --> 00:08:28,308
GET A BREATH.
343
00:08:28,308 --> 00:08:29,738
YOUR MOUTH IS OPEN, HE SPITS IN
344
00:08:29,743 --> 00:08:30,913
YOUR MOUTH, THEN HE PUTS YOU
345
00:08:30,911 --> 00:08:31,581
BACK UNDER.
346
00:08:31,579 --> 00:08:32,849
AND THEN, WHEN YOU COME BACK UP,
347
00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:33,906
HE SAYS, "DARTH VADER IS
348
00:08:33,914 --> 00:08:35,084
LUKE SKYWALKER'S FATHER," AND
349
00:08:35,082 --> 00:08:36,322
THEN HE STICKS YOU UNDERWATER,
350
00:08:36,316 --> 00:08:38,046
AND AS YOU'RE UNDERWATER, YOU'RE
351
00:08:38,051 --> 00:08:39,751
HEART HAS BEEN BROKEN BY SOMEONE
352
00:08:39,753 --> 00:08:41,223
THAT YOU THOUGHT YOU LOVED AND
353
00:08:41,221 --> 00:08:41,891
TRUSTED.
354
00:08:41,889 --> 00:08:44,989
AND WHEN YOU COME BACK UP...
355
00:08:44,992 --> 00:08:46,162
>> THAT'S THE GRAY-TUFTED
356
00:08:46,159 --> 00:08:46,789
WARBLER.
357
00:08:46,794 --> 00:08:47,964
>> YEAH, THAT WOULD BE A
358
00:08:47,961 --> 00:08:49,331
GRAY-TUFTED WARBLER, ALL RIGHT.
359
00:08:49,329 --> 00:08:50,929
I THINK I NEED A LITTLE BREAK IF
360
00:08:50,931 --> 00:08:52,831
THAT'S OKAY.
361
00:08:52,833 --> 00:08:54,643
>> YEAH.
362
00:08:54,635 --> 00:08:56,935
>> LaFonda: AWFUL, AWFUL BIRDS.
363
00:08:56,937 --> 00:08:59,007
WE'RE GLAD THEY'RE DYING OUT.
364
00:08:59,006 --> 00:09:00,306
NOW SKIP REMING'S HERE.
365
00:09:00,307 --> 00:09:02,107
AND YOU GUESSED IT -- HE'S NOT
366
00:09:02,109 --> 00:09:03,379
HAPPY ABOUT SOMETHING.
367
00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:05,676
>> WORDS ARE POWERFUL THINGS.
368
00:09:05,679 --> 00:09:07,349
THEY CAN START WARS, END
369
00:09:07,347 --> 00:09:09,617
MARRIAGES, EVEN BEGIN FAMOUS
370
00:09:09,617 --> 00:09:11,077
WORKS OF LITERATURE.
371
00:09:11,084 --> 00:09:12,794
IRREGARDLESS OF YOUR RACE OR
372
00:09:12,786 --> 00:09:14,246
LANGUAGE, THE WORDS YOU USE
373
00:09:14,254 --> 00:09:15,794
SPEAK VOLUMES ABOUT YOU.
374
00:09:15,789 --> 00:09:17,659
TAKE ME -- I JUST SAID
375
00:09:17,658 --> 00:09:18,958
"IRREGARDLESS."
376
00:09:18,959 --> 00:09:20,259
THAT'S NOT EVEN A REAL WORD.
377
00:09:20,260 --> 00:09:21,900
LOOK IT UP IN A DICTIONARY, NOT
378
00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:23,125
ON THE SPELL-CHECK ON THAT
379
00:09:23,130 --> 00:09:24,830
GLORIFIED UNDERWOOD.
380
00:09:24,832 --> 00:09:25,702
SO I'M A JERK.
381
00:09:25,699 --> 00:09:26,999
BUT NOT NEARLY AS BIG OF A
382
00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:28,670
JERK-OFF AS YOU ARE IF YOU SAY
383
00:09:28,669 --> 00:09:30,069
ANY OF THESE WORDS, AND I BET
384
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:31,200
YOU SAY MOST OF THEM.
385
00:09:31,204 --> 00:09:32,814
"OUTSIDE THE BOX."
386
00:09:32,806 --> 00:09:34,266
"REAL GAME-CHANGER."
387
00:09:34,274 --> 00:09:35,384
"NAILED IT!"
388
00:09:35,375 --> 00:09:36,705
"BRAIN FART."
389
00:09:36,710 --> 00:09:37,950
"LATINO VOTER."
390
00:09:37,945 --> 00:09:39,675
"DRINK THE KOOL-AID."
391
00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:40,810
AND IF YOU SAY "GAME-CHANGER,"
392
00:09:40,814 --> 00:09:41,824
I'LL POP YOU RIGHT IN YOUR
393
00:09:41,815 --> 00:09:43,015
WORD HOLE, BROTHER.
394
00:09:43,016 --> 00:09:44,176
THAT WOULD CHANGE THE GAME,
395
00:09:44,184 --> 00:09:45,054
WOULDN'T IT, HUH?
396
00:09:45,052 --> 00:09:46,322
I SURE WOULD NAIL IT WITH THAT.
397
00:09:46,319 --> 00:09:47,689
I'D REALLY DRINK THE LATINO
398
00:09:47,688 --> 00:09:48,918
VOTER.
399
00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:50,292
>> LaFonda: THANKS, SKIP.
400
00:09:50,290 --> 00:09:51,960
NEXT WEEK ON "NEWSREADERS,"
401
00:09:51,959 --> 00:09:53,429
WE'LL TALK TO ONE WOMAN WHO
402
00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:55,096
WON'T SHUT UP ABOUT WHAT AN
403
00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:56,725
EARLY RISER SHE IS.
404
00:09:56,730 --> 00:09:58,330
AND WE'LL MEET THE MAN
405
00:09:58,331 --> 00:10:00,131
SCIENTISTS SAY HAS COME UP WITH
406
00:10:00,133 --> 00:10:01,873
THE SINGLE MOST CLEVER E-MAIL
407
00:10:01,869 --> 00:10:03,199
SIGNATURE LINE POSSIBLE.
408
00:10:03,203 --> 00:10:04,373
>> I EXPERIMENTED A LOT.
409
00:10:04,371 --> 00:10:05,041
>> MM-HMM.
410
00:10:05,038 --> 00:10:06,368
>> EVERYTHING FROM "SENT FROM
411
00:10:06,373 --> 00:10:08,713
MY COMMODORE 64," TO "SENT FROM
412
00:10:08,709 --> 00:10:10,039
MY E-MAIL OUTBOX."
413
00:10:10,043 --> 00:10:10,783
>> MM.
414
00:10:10,778 --> 00:10:12,278
>> AND THEN ONE DAY IN THE
415
00:10:12,279 --> 00:10:14,009
SHOWER, IT JUST KIND OF HIT
416
00:10:14,014 --> 00:10:15,754
ME -- "DON'T ASK HOW I SENT
417
00:10:15,749 --> 00:10:16,249
THIS."
418
00:10:16,249 --> 00:10:17,949
>> AND AN ENTIRE ADDRESS BOOK
419
00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:19,751
FULL OF MILDLY AMUSED RECIPIENTS
420
00:10:19,753 --> 00:10:20,293
WAS BORN.
421
00:10:20,287 --> 00:10:21,047
>> GUILTY.
422
00:10:21,054 --> 00:10:22,894
>> AND NOW PEOPLE ARE CALLING IT
423
00:10:22,890 --> 00:10:24,290
"'THE [BLEEP] MY DAD SAYS' OF
424
00:10:24,291 --> 00:10:25,431
E-MAIL SIGNATURES."
425
00:10:25,425 --> 00:10:26,355
>> YEAH, I GUESS.
426
00:10:26,359 --> 00:10:27,959
BUT I'M NOT GONNA SELL OUT LIKE
427
00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:28,761
THAT GUY DID.
428
00:10:28,762 --> 00:10:30,232
>> LaFonda: FINALLY TONIGHT, A
429
00:10:30,230 --> 00:10:31,160
FEW CORRECTIONS.
430
00:10:31,164 --> 00:10:32,834
LAST WEEK WE REPORTED THAT ALL
431
00:10:32,833 --> 00:10:34,703
MEN NAMED CHAD MAKE REALLY
432
00:10:34,702 --> 00:10:35,942
CREEPY NEIGHBORS.
433
00:10:35,936 --> 00:10:37,806
WE SHOULD HAVE SAID MOST MEN
434
00:10:37,805 --> 00:10:38,735
NAMED CHAD.
435
00:10:38,739 --> 00:10:40,439
ALSO, FIVE MINUTES AGO, WE DID A
436
00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:42,010
STORY ON THE GRAY-TUFTED
437
00:10:42,009 --> 00:10:42,709
WARBLER.
438
00:10:42,710 --> 00:10:44,240
TURNS OUT EVERYTHING IN THAT
439
00:10:44,244 --> 00:10:45,384
STORY WAS MADE UP.
440
00:10:45,378 --> 00:10:46,808
WE REGRET THE ERRORS.
441
00:10:46,814 --> 00:10:48,324
I'M LOUIS LaFONDA.
442
00:10:48,315 --> 00:10:50,175
GOOD NIGHT.
28073
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