Original subtitles

♪ Sit and I'll sing you some lore ♪

♪ Of a prince and a peasant of yore ♪

♪ Despite family name, two friends they became ♪

♪ Who knows what their fate has in store? ♪

♪ The meet at the castle each day ♪

♪ Together, they laugh, and they play ♪

♪ They take lots of walks and share lots of talks ♪

♪ They're spending an excessive amount of time together ♪

♪ But really, like, what's going on? ♪

♪ He seems into her, but he's weird ♪

♪ What's he doing there? You see, with his hand? ♪

♪ Yikes, this is so hard to watch ♪

♪ She's also not helping things much ♪

♪ Look how she's punching his arm ♪

♪ Is she trying to flirt? Oh, look, now he's hurt ♪

♪ She's punched him too hard in the arm ♪

♪ And so that's the tale of a star-crossed pair ♪

♪ Or are they just two normal friends? ♪

♪ Clarity would be nice for everyone involved ♪

♪ In terms of knowing how to proceed with more verses ♪

♪ In terms of knowing how to proceed -- ♪

Excuse me? Can you stop singing?

I-I can hear you, and it's really unnerving.

I don't tell you how to do your job.

Who is even paying you to do this?

I'm independently wealthy.

♪ With more verses

♪ I've gone down that road again ♪

♪ I've been there before

♪ Though want to know more

♪ It's always been

I am so impressed you knew how to build

one of these star-tracking devices.

What is it called again?

It's an astrolabe. Thank you.

It's been really fun working on this with you.

Well, um, seeing as we're on the topic

of space and time, um,

I was wondering if you had any plans this Saturday.

Oh, uh, no.

I'm not doing anything. Why?

Um, well...

I saw this, actually.

An astronomer's giving a lecture right here in Lower Murkford!

Whoa!

Um, I wondered if you'd like to go.

Yeah, I'd love to. Great!

Well, then I shall plan to pick you at your place

for our...

Saturday hanging-out

session.

Awesome. Yeah.

We'll see you then. Yeah!

Oh. Yeah.

Gotcha.

Bye. Bye.

Oh, buddy.

Lord Vexler?

Do you have an opinion on something?

Oh, I'd just be careful if I were you.

You know, matters of the heart can get complicated.

Oh, Vexler.

I'm no stranger to matters of the heart.

I was engaged before, remember?

To Princess Isabella.

That was only because your fathers were trying

to form a political alliance.

And you were both babies.

Still, I would have wed her happily

had she not been carried off by that hawk.

All I'm saying is, don't get too invested.

Relationships between peasants and princes never work.

You're from completely different worlds.

Who cares about that nonsense?

No, we get along, we have fun together,

and we're about to go on a wonderful first date.

Oh, i-is it a date?

Of course it is.

Ah. Does she know that?

Did you say it explicitly?

I thought it was implied.

Mm-hmm.

I said, "Look, Farmer Greg,

you can tell me that's a potato until the cows come home,

but my cryin' eyes says it's an onion."

He honored the coupon after that.

Look. Oh, shh, shh, shh! 6:00 -- Time for the news.

Oh.

Hello,

and thank you for tuning in to Mad Jane,

your most watched and trusted source

for the news of the day.

Can we turn it up a bit?Uh, sure.

Uh, speak louder.

The crisis on the border continues!

A caravan of Druids has been spotted

crossing into Lower Murkford --

the Druids depicted here.

Hey, how many Druids does it take to screw in a wall torch?

-How many? -10.

One to screw it in,

the rest to rob your house while it's dark.

One to screw it in...

Oh. That's rich.

Pbht! Nuts!

Need a hand?

Yeah.

Okay.

Thanks.

Ah, I don't believe we've met before.

I'm Eddie. I'm Lila.

I just moved here.

Oh, well, welcome to the neighborhood.

Thanks.

I'll be right here if you need more roadside assistance.

That's rich.

Hey, Lila, if you ever want to grab a beer,

me and my buddies are usually hanging out at the tavern.

Stop on by.

We're a friendly bunch.

I would love to.

Thanks, Eddie.

Well, alright, then.

♪ Druid-aaa

♪ Druid-ohhh

Looking forward to that beer, Eddie.

Thanks again for the invite.

Al: Psst! Maggie.

How do I look?

Like you're going on a date.

It's not necessarily a date.

Shouldn't you already know that by this point?

Chauncley's hard to read.

I can never tell if he's sweating because he likes me

or because his royally inbred body

can't regulate his temperature.

Well, do you want it to be a date?

I'm open to the possibility.

Ugh. I'm sick of this already.

Thanks again for inviting me.

This will be fun.Oh, I'm excited.

Yeah, you and me finally going out on a...

scientific lecture.

Um, two please.

Well, it's your lucky day, 'cause we're having

a lover's special.

Uh, wh-what's that?

Admission is three coins for couples

or two apiece for singles.

Oh, um, right.

Well, l-let's see.

Um...

So what'll it be?

One lover's special

or two singles?

Is -- Is there a third option?

No.

Um, well, uh...

Um...

Two singles, please.

Hey, thanks for paying. I'll grab the next one.

Ah, no -- no problem.

Thank you.

So, here we are.

The big talk.

Something tells me it's going to be

out of this world.

Get it?

Out of this world?

Because the nature of the talk is astronomical

or out of this world, as it were?

Oh.

Nice. Mm.

Thanks.

Hi, everyone.

Who's that?

I'm Archie Cosmos.

Wait. Are we in the right room?

Now, I know that science can feel pretty technical,

but I'm gonna try and keep things fun.

And who knows?

My talk might even be out of this world.

And so, in conclusion, that is why stars twinkle.

I've always wondered about that. Hmm.

Okay, any questions?

-Yes. -Yes. Hi.

Um, why don't you look like your picture?

I get that a lot.

It was actually painted by the blind artist of Gabagool.

Eh, it's a terrible likeness.

Yeah, but the artist was blind,

so it's pretty good, considering.Aw, I don't think so.

Alright. Thank you, everyone, so much for your time.

Thank you.

May the North Star guide you always.

Right.

So, shall we get going?

Are you kidding?

When else are we gonna get a chance

to talk to an astronomer?

Let's go. Mm.

Thank you.

Hi. We just wanted to say that

we really enjoyed your talk... Mm.

...especially what you said about celestial rotation.

It's a controversial opinion, but I've always believed

that the Earth revolves around the --

Sun.

Yes, exactly.

Well, I'm glad I'm not the only one.

And the moon.

It's also up there.

Y-Yeah, that's -- that's so true.

Good call, man. It's up there, for sure.

Uh, this is really embarrassing,

but would you mind signing our astrolabe?

Uh, y-yeah.

Wow. That is a beaut.

Who should I make it out to?Al and Chauncley.

Yes, we've been building it together.

You know, if you want to test that thing out,

my calculations tell me

that Laslo's Comet will be passing Lower Murkford tonight.

I've scoped out this great vantage point at the top

of Chicken Neck Hill if, um, you and your...

husband want to join.Oho!

We're not married.We are not wed.

We're friends.We are unwedded friends.

Well, you're welcome to join as, um, friends.

That'd be great.Yes, I'd love that.

Al and Chauncley.

-Yeah. -Yeah.

Yeah. Ooh!

I've got one.

What's gray and furry

and looks good on a Druid's neck?

What?

A hungry wolf!

Because it is eating the Druid.

Yeah, um... but they're not all bad.

Some...

are even good, maybe.

What's up with you today?

Nothing. Just forget it.

Speak of the devil.

You have something you want to say to me?

Relax.

We're just having fun, right, Eddie?

Huh.

Man: Well-played, everyone. Right, Eddie?

So, as an explorer, do you get to travel a lot?

My work takes me to the four corners

of the world pretty regularly.

Oh, uh, yeah, I'm a bit of a world traveler myself.

A rolling stone, if you will.

Going wherever the good wind takes me.

Oh, nice.

I'm always looking for travel "recs."

What's your favorite spot?

Oh, just this place called Pretty Little Princess

Mandrake Beach Resort -- Do you know it?

I'm pretty friendly with the concierge there.

I could probably get you a "rez."

Oh, thanks. It's not really my style.

I sort of prefer to rough it.

You ever traveled, Al?

Nah, my family's all shit shovelers,

so vacations always seemed kind of out of reach.

I totally get it.

I'm from a lower-income background myself.

My parents are puke-moppers by trade.

No way! Yeah.

One day, I just decided to take control of my own destiny,

set off into the world, consequences be damned.

I even changed my name from Archibald Pukemopper

to Archibald Cosmos

'cause that's how far I dare to dream.

Wow.

Yeah.

This is an eagle feather.

I wear it as a reminder to fly free

until I find my destiny.

Take it.

Till you find your own.

Thank you.

And here...is...

some money.

Take it.

Till you find your own.

This makes me feel weird.

Oh.

What do you want?

Wanted to bring you a little housewarming gift.

These are fresh rock sprouts from my garden.

If this is your way of trying to make up

for what happened at the tavern, it's not gonna work.

Are you talking about my friends?

Those knuckleheads. They're just joking around.

They're nice folks once you get to know them.

They seem like a bunch of jerks to me,

and if you hang out with them, then you seem like one, too.

Okay, word of advice.

You can make things a lot easier on yourself here in town

if you just left the whole Druid getup at home.

I mean, I don't mind it, but, uh...

it does draw a bit of attention, you know?

Go yourself.

I've never seen stars like this before.

It's pretty amazing, huh?

It reminds me of how small we are,

how fleeting life is.

That's why we need to take advantage

of every moment we have.

That's so true. Yeah.

You know, it's getting rather chilly.

Perhaps we should head back soon, eh?

We can catch the comet the next time it swings by.

It's not for another 87 years.

Oh, well, yes, but we haven't had

our second supper or our snackies.

No sweat. I've got us covered.

Voilà! Al: Whoa! Nice!

Smells so good.

It's a gift from a trader in Verona. Wow.

So, is this a cut-your-own-meat situation?

Oh, uh... I'll get that for you.

Oh, no, no, no. I am a man of the world.

I think I can handle this, thank you.

Cheers.

Oh, my God, he's choking.Not to worry.

I learned this trick from the Healing Monks of Meru.

Ah, thank God!

Chauncley, are you okay?Oh, yes.

Yes, I'm fine. I'll just be back in a moment.

I seem to have done a little pee-pee.

Uh, do you want me to come with you?

No, no! I just need a -- a moment alone.

Okay.

It's fine. You're fine.

Everything's fine.

♪ You like her, and she likes you ♪

♪ Doodely-doodely-doodely-doo There you are.

You've song a little song. Now you feel better.

Man: I was not expecting another anti-Druid punch line.

Woman: I know.Oh, come on!

I'm starting to get real sick of these jokes.

Chill out, Eddie!

No, you chill out!

I have a joke for you.

How many of "you guys" does it take

to screw in a wall torch?

What?10.

One to screw it in

and the rest to be a bunch of jerks.

I don't like it when that joke is directed at us.

Ohh! Again?

Uh, sorry.

They wouldn't let me in at the gate for some reason.

Oh. Strange.

You must've been removed from the list.

What happened to you last night?

You just disappeared. I was really worried.

Not that worried, apparently.

Is this about Archie?What?

No. Absolutely not. It has nothing to do with him.

I'd already forgotten about him.

Okay, well, then why are you being so weird?

I'm not being weird. I'm j-- I'm being realistic.

And maybe we weren't meant to be friends.

What are you talking about?

I am the crown prince. You are a peasant.

We're from two completely different worlds.

That's a really childish point of view.

It's not childish!

And, furthermore, I'm good, and you're bad.

I'm pretty, and you're ugly.

I'm clean, and you stink.

Ugh! Yuck! Pee-yew!

Hey, Eddie.

Thanks for sticking up for me at the tavern last night.

How'd you know I did that?

I used my Druid magic.

Ah, you Druids are something else.

I'm joking, you dummy. I'm friends with the bartender.

Oh. That's rich!

Come on. Let's go grab a beer.

Eddie: Guys, this is my friend, Lila.

-Hey. -Oh, hi.

Hi.

So, do Druids, like, eat babies?

Gladys, come on.

We do not eat babies, and that's offensive.

Sorry.

I love your hair.

Can I touch it?

What? I can't say that?

I'm just interested. Sorry.

This is gonna take us some time to figure out.

This just in. An update on the Druid invasion.

Uh, uh, Mad Jane, can --

can you switch to something else?

Right?

Welcome to the Mad Jane Home Shopping Hour.

Thank you.For three easy payments,

you can own this necklace of my baby teeth.

-Ooh! Ooh! -Fine!

-I like that, yeah. -Ooh, Daddy like.

Archie: That flickering orb's Venus.

You can tell 'cause it's the brightest object

in the sky.

No. Away from the castle.

Ah, you see? Right.

Looks cool.

Mm-hmm.

Damn it.

♪ The prince finally had his shot ♪

♪ But he handled things totally wrong ♪

♪ He messed up all week in a number of ways ♪

♪ And now I will list them in song ♪

Chauncley: That's really not necessary.

♪ First, there was that thing with the lecture ♪

♪ That should have been a home run ♪

♪ It would have been great if he called it a date ♪

♪ Man, did he that one up ♪There wasn't even a rhyme there!

♪ Another thing that he up ♪

♪ Was the basic act of trying to chew ♪

♪ He choked on some meat and turned white as a sheet ♪

♪ It's impossible to bounce back from that ♪

Are you finished?.......Almost

♪ And so that's the tale of the star-crossed pair ♪

♪ The moral is that the prince sucks ♪

♪ Now Al is in love with a much cooler dude ♪

♪ And Prince Chauncley's alone with his ducks ♪

Chauncley: Don't encourage him, guys.

Traitors.

♪ How do I know

♪ If I love you?

♪ When I sure

♪ Like your bread

♪ How do I know

♪ If I love you?

♪ When all these things

♪ Come and go?