Original subtitles

Roz: Is this your first time in therapy?

Yes.

I noticed you wore a lot of armor to our session.

So what? I'm curious

if part of you feels like you need protection,

like there's something about you that is,

in some ways, vulnerable.

Okay, well, this has been a waste of time.

You are enough.

What did you say to me?

You...are...enough.

You're being very, very brave.

Here.

Great work, Ethan.

♪ I've gone down that road again ♪

♪ I've been there before

♪ Though want to know more

♪ It's always been

Wow, that was one heck of a wait,

but, ha, my garden's finally ready.

I can't wait to pick those veggies.What did you grow this year, Dad?

Oh, everything -- tomatoes, beets, carrots, cucumbers.

Oh, my God.Dad, look at your garden!

Oh, no!

Who would do something like this?

A royal goat.

Come on!

I work hard all year, busting my back

to try and put food on the table,

and a royal goat takes it away in the blink of an eye!

And now we're all gonna starve to death!

Oh, well.

Nothing we can do about it.

Dad, no. The Crown should be held liable

and give you money for new seeds.

Take the Crown to court?Yeah.

I don't know, sweetie, uh,

maybe we shouldn't ruffle any feathers.

Yeah, Al. A smooth bird flies better.

No, I'm tired of the Crown always screwing us over.

I say we stand up for ourselves and we fight this thing.

♪ Pudding man, pudding man

♪ I'm a little pudding man

♪ Pudding man, pudding man

♪ I'm a little pudding

Ohh! Oh! Oh!

Father, I'm so sorry.

Please, just make the thrashing swift.

It's okay, son.

No problem.

Would you like to go for a walk?

Dad, uh, are you -- are you quite well?

You do -- You do seem a little different today.

I feeldifferent.

Been doing therapy, and, uh, it's really helping me

find the roots to my core hurts.

Also, my therapist prescribed me a potion

that's got me low-key kinda faded.

Oh, oh, father, I...

think it's absolutely wonderful that you're asking for help.

Son, I'm sorry it's taken me so long.

I want to make up for lost time.

What do you say you and me put the past behind us

and start afresh?

I-I-I would love that, Dad.

Oh! Aah!

Sorry. Reflex.

Ah, totally understandable. Growth doesn't happen overnight.

Thank you.

Come on.

Let's do bonding.

Eddie: You sure this lawsuit's a good idea, sweetie?

Oh, yeah. The Crown is going down.

Ah, I just can't wait to get started.

Ditto. Lord Vexler, representing the Crown.

Wowzers. You look hot!

Dad.

Alexandra, he needs to know.

Why'd you bring the goat?

This is my client, Gobbler.

I'm sorry. What?

No, we're suing the Crown, not the goat.

The Crown didn't allegedly eat your garden.

Your issue is with Gobbler, and my goat client is innocent.

He's just trying to get under our skin, but don't worry.

An unbiased jury will side with us.

What the hell?

Vexler, did you stack the jury with goat herders?!

That's not fair! They love goats!

Oopsie. I'm a bad wittle lawyer.

Judge Marks, you old bag of balloons!

Judge: Lord Vexler!

A little gift... from my client.

Mmm! Yummy!

Looks like a pretty goat-friendly judge and jury.

But I trust ya, sweetie.

Mikey, is the goat who ate the garden

in this courtroom now?

Yes.

Can you point out him or her?

Oh, come on.

Let the record show that Mikey pointed to Gobbler.

Between this eyewitness testimony

and the preponderance of forensic evidence,

you have no choice but to convict.

No further questions, Your Honor.

Wow, that was educational.

I think I speak for everyone when I say,

"Thanks for the nap, Alexandra."

Nap!

Vexler: I'll take it from here.

Michael, would you consider goats to be stubborn animals?

I mean, yeah.

That's kind of their thing, right?

Oh, so you think all goats are stubborn?

Sounds like pretty classic anti-goat bias to me.

All: Goats. Goats. Goats. Goats. Goats. Goats.

On behalf of Gobbler the goat, I would like to enter a motion

to countersue for defamation.

Motion approved.

What?!Mr. Shitshoveler,

the penalty for defamation... is death.

So, if we lose this trial, my dad will be killed?

That's correct.

Specifically, he will be fed to the defendant.

This is totally unfair.

I mean, how are we supposed to win

if Vexler won't play by the rules?

Maybe we can still go with the public defender.

I've got a better idea.

Is this sea or sky?

Ooh, that's a bit of sky, I think.

I shall put it in this area.

This shall be the sky area.

Good idea.

Ooh!

I think I've found a corner piece.

Oh, wonderful!

They are the key in a puzzle.

Oh, Father, would you mind if we take a brief respite

from our puzzle party?

Not at all. I'll be right here, son.

It does sound like your father's been given

some rather rough treatment.

I-Is there anything I can do to help? Yes.

I was thinking maybe you could ask your dad

to come down to the courthouse and enforce a fair trial?

Well, normally, I would be terrified to ask my father anything,

but we've become quite close as of this morning,

so I'll give it a whirl.Thank you! Thank you!

Okay, well, please hurry because I don't know

how long we're gonna last in there.Okay.

What did I miss?

Eddie: Honestly, it's been amazing.

Lord Vexler totally broke Mikey down.

I don't know what's real anymore.

I'm so mixed up.

Mwah! Bellissimo!

Hey, big guy!

Father, I was wondering if you might do me a small favor.

Of course, son. What is it?

Would you mind popping down to the courthouse very quickly?

It turns out our judicial system

might be a little less than fair.

Are you saying...

there's a problem with my laws?

Nevermind, Papa. All is well.

Oh, okay. Cool.

Vexler: Your Honor, I would like to introduce...

Perfect timing. Where's the king?

Uh, so, yes, bit of a good news/bad news situation.

Bad news is my dad's not coming.

Good news is our father-son relationship

is still progressing quite nicely.

Well, what did he say when you asked him?

Well, to be fair, I didn't actually ask him.

I sort of started to ask him, but then I got a very strong vibe

it was gonna be a no, so I just didn't.

You didn't even ask him?!

Al, he's been in such a good mood lately.

I didn't want to annoy him.So, not annoying your dad

is more important than saving mine?

What? No. Al, come on.

Hear ye, hear ye! I'm the town crier!

And it's the end of day two of what's being called

"The Trial of the Century."

Closing arguments are tomorrow,

but it's not looking good for Eddie,

as depicted here in this courtroom sketch.

Lord Vexler, any comments on today's proceedings?

Yes, thank you.

Some hard truths came to light in there today,

but all in all, we're confident

that tomorrow, justice will prevail.

I also want to let everyone know that my client's written a book

for sale entitled "If I Ate It,"

now available wherever books are sold.

Ooh. You got to read me that book.

Father, do you mind if I ask you something?

There's a-a young woman that I've come to know recently,

and the truth is, I find myself quite dazzled by her.

But recently, I-I fear I may have done something stupid

that has ruined any chance we have of growing closer.

I-I was wondering if you had any advice.

You should murder her.

Um, Dad, when are you going back to therapy?

Never. I burnt down my therapist's hut

when I realized that she was charging me for a full hour

and I had only been there for 50 minutes.

I mean, what's that?

So, you're, um -- You're --

You're back to being how you've always been, then?

Yep. I'll never grow or change.

Change is weakness creeping into the body.

Anyway, it's not like I'm sick.

Servant: King Cragnoor, sire, I'm sorry to inform you

we've run out of Maraschino cherries.

How's it coming, sweetheart?

I'm trying to figure out something that'll sway the jury,

but it's not going great.

You wouldn't happen to have a secret twin

we could blame this all on, do you?

I do, but not one that I'm close with.

I'm sorry I got us into this, Dad.

I was an idiot for thinking I could change things.

Oh, it's okay, sweetie.

You know I'll be proud of you until my dying breath,

which is tomorrow.

Hi. What do you want?

Look, I'm so sorry I let you down earlier.

Al, it was... very stupid of me.

And I want to try and help.

So it isn't much, but I-I raided the royal library.

Thought there might be something in here that can help your case.

What, this is -- this is amazing.

Thank you. Chauncley, seriously.

Oh, no, it's the least I can do.

Anyway, I'll, uh, leave you to it.

Wait.

Would you want to stay and help me read through some of these?

I-I'd love to.

Chauncley. Chauncley, look.

Vexler: In closing,

this trial has been the most disturbing experience

of my entire life.

It's true, kids. Monsters are real.

So I beg of you, find Eddie Murphy Shitshoveler

guilty on all counts

and give my client, Gobbler the goat,

the justice she so rightly deserves.

I rest my case.

Defense, your closing statement.

Truth...justice --

These are all concepts I almost stopped believing in.

But then I realized, sometimes justice needs a new truth.

And with that in mind,

my father pleads guilty to all crimes!

Judge: Order!

Oh, finally decided to give up, huh?

Per this change of plea, the court finds the defendant --

Just one more thing, Your Honor.

We all agree the goat has the full legal right

to eat my father.

But here's the rub.

How can a man legally be fed to a goat

when that goat is also... his wife?

Explain yourself, counselor.

Chapter 14, article 221 "Lower Murkford Law"

states that, "No wife may eat her husband,"

but there's no law that says a man can't marry a goat.

I see.

And has this marriage been authorized

by a royal representative?

It has. By me.

Seeing as Gobbler is royal property,

when Mr. Shitshoveler asked for her hand in marriage,

I eagerly gave my blessing.

I don't know what she sees in this melted Popsicle,

but, hey, I'm not gonna talk her out of it.

Objection! This is insane.

A-A-A man can't marry a goat!

Okay, that sounds like some classic anti-goat bias to me.

Goats. Goats.

Judge: Order!

After reviewing the exhibits

and determining that Eddie and Gobbler

clearly love each other very much,

Mr. and Mrs. Shitshoveler...

you are free to go.

Great job, sweetie.

I'm proud of you. Thanks, Dad.

Alright, get your purse, dear. We're going home.

Al: For real, thank you.

I-I couldn't have done it without you.

You're welcome. Al, I was wondering,

would you ever want to hang...?

Hello, Father.

I've just been informed that you aided a peasant

in humiliating the Crown in court.

Yes, and I can see how that might be a trigger for you,

but I'm still your son.

What do you say we just move past this and continue to heal?

I say that this is the reason I cursed God

the moment you were born.

When I saw your soft, weak mass

expelled from your mother's womb,

I knew my kingdom was doomed!

You suck.

Chauncley, I'm sorry.It's fine. I'm used to it.

Yes?

Chauncley:

Oh! Al: Ooh!

Oh, hi!

I brought your books back.

I didn't want to go through the front

'cause your dad was strangling someone in the foyer.

Oh, yikes. That's two in a day.

Well, at least he'll sleep well tonight.

You didn't have to come all this way, by the way. That's very kind of you.

I'm sorry you got in trouble for helping me.

It was worth it.

Have you eaten dinner?

Um...

You know, I-I haven't.

Great.

Sir, thank you so much for having me. This is wonderful.

Oh, it's our pleasure.

Sorry the vegetables are a little bit eaten.

Oh! No, I-I hadn't even noticed.

We should say grace.

After all, we've had it pretty good lately.

Dad, things have been going horribly.

The goat ate your garden, and then you were almost killed.

Oh, honey, don't be dramatic.

Hands.

Dear Lord, thank you for the privilege

of eating this great meal with family and new friends.

Amen. Amen. Amen.

Hey, babe, can you grab me a water?

That's okay. Don't worry about it.

Happy wife, happy life.