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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:12,535 --> 00:00:14,803 Room 3. Miss Germaine again! 2 00:00:15,180 --> 00:00:17,476 Make it quick, my big bad wolf! 3 00:00:29,480 --> 00:00:32,902 - Come in, Roland. - Good morning, Miss. 4 00:00:33,571 --> 00:00:35,726 Here's your breakfast. 5 00:00:36,441 --> 00:00:39,950 Roland, my darling servant, won't you have a cup of tea with me? 6 00:00:40,081 --> 00:00:41,426 No, Miss. 7 00:00:42,477 --> 00:00:45,449 - Fill me up, then. - Of course, Miss. 8 00:00:56,204 --> 00:00:57,851 May I go now? 9 00:00:57,931 --> 00:00:59,070 Roland, ... 10 00:00:59,330 --> 00:01:01,590 ... you really don't want to have sex with me? 11 00:01:02,038 --> 00:01:06,039 I'm very sorry, but that kind of work is not part of my duties. 12 00:01:08,220 --> 00:01:10,221 - Roland... - Miss? 13 00:01:10,301 --> 00:01:12,830 Go and get my vibrator from the bathroom. 14 00:01:14,109 --> 00:01:15,533 Very well. 15 00:01:23,496 --> 00:01:25,090 What shall I do with this device? 16 00:01:25,170 --> 00:01:27,398 I think you need it more than I do. 17 00:01:32,208 --> 00:01:33,799 I'm back. 18 00:01:33,879 --> 00:01:35,601 Do you actually use that? 19 00:01:36,222 --> 00:01:38,723 No... it's a gift from Germaine. 20 00:01:47,500 --> 00:01:50,373 Shit! Now it's the mother. 21 00:01:51,700 --> 00:01:55,231 - Stay with me! Don't leave! - What can I say? That's life. 22 00:02:07,381 --> 00:02:11,433 Come in. Enter. Enter my little Roland. 23 00:02:11,513 --> 00:02:13,390 How may I be of help, Madame? 24 00:02:13,470 --> 00:02:15,414 Come in. I don't wish to be compromised. 25 00:02:15,494 --> 00:02:16,978 So, either you zip up your trousers ... 26 00:02:17,058 --> 00:02:18,743 ... or you take them off, but you better choose fast. 27 00:02:20,555 --> 00:02:23,856 Excuse me, Madame, but it's quite drafty in here. 28 00:02:23,936 --> 00:02:26,177 - You might catch a cold. - Really? 29 00:02:26,257 --> 00:02:28,125 Then hand me the towel, my little Roland. 30 00:02:36,983 --> 00:02:38,609 Give me a good rub. 31 00:02:44,946 --> 00:02:47,504 You're tickling me, you naughty boy! 32 00:02:49,122 --> 00:02:52,892 But I didn't say it was unpleasant. Pussies like to be cuddled. 33 00:02:53,734 --> 00:02:55,062 Continue. 34 00:02:57,934 --> 00:02:59,741 Keep going, devil boy! 35 00:03:02,916 --> 00:03:04,973 That's it. You're dry now. 36 00:03:05,053 --> 00:03:07,759 Not yet, my little darling. It feels so good... 37 00:03:08,576 --> 00:03:10,071 Give me your lips, your body... 38 00:03:10,210 --> 00:03:14,454 May I remind Madame that this kind of work is not part of my duties. 39 00:03:14,534 --> 00:03:17,144 Who cares. Don'you t like me? 40 00:03:17,224 --> 00:03:19,950 It would be very unpleasant for me to wound Madame's pride. 41 00:03:20,210 --> 00:03:21,910 May I leave now? 42 00:03:33,965 --> 00:03:35,999 Don't cry, my darling. 43 00:03:36,079 --> 00:03:39,071 Come on, don't cry. 44 00:03:47,024 --> 00:03:49,284 Holy shit! Now it's the boss! 45 00:03:50,395 --> 00:03:52,622 No... no! For God's sake! 46 00:03:52,702 --> 00:03:55,719 Don't leave me on my own again! I can't stand it! 47 00:03:55,799 --> 00:03:57,802 Be patient, please. This is the last one. 48 00:03:57,882 --> 00:04:00,081 There's only the three of them in the house. 49 00:04:00,161 --> 00:04:04,009 No, not again! I can't take it! 50 00:04:08,240 --> 00:04:10,633 Here... this will keep you busy. 51 00:04:10,713 --> 00:04:12,228 I'll be back in a moment. 52 00:04:19,004 --> 00:04:21,296 Come closer, my little Roland. Come closer. 53 00:04:22,172 --> 00:04:23,634 Come closer... 54 00:04:29,414 --> 00:04:30,567 How may I help Monsieur? 55 00:04:31,153 --> 00:04:35,051 I'd like you to massage me. I feel so weary... 56 00:04:35,914 --> 00:04:37,410 So weary... 57 00:04:52,857 --> 00:04:55,510 That's good... so good! 58 00:04:56,016 --> 00:04:57,261 Harder! 59 00:05:02,817 --> 00:05:04,056 Oh, Roland! 60 00:05:24,584 --> 00:05:25,861 You packed your suitcase? 61 00:05:26,317 --> 00:05:29,101 Oh, yes! I'm fed up with all the sex maniacs in this house. 62 00:05:34,939 --> 00:05:37,078 So, it's true? You're leaving? 63 00:05:41,527 --> 00:05:43,892 - Where will you go? - I don't know. I'll find a place. 64 00:05:43,972 --> 00:05:45,510 What a pity, I'll miss you. 65 00:05:47,252 --> 00:05:49,874 Yes, a pity. A great pity. 66 00:06:21,170 --> 00:06:26,858 THE HEDONIST 67 00:07:49,210 --> 00:07:51,225 - Hello, Count. - Hello, Malou. 68 00:07:53,422 --> 00:07:54,963 What's up, Malou? 69 00:07:56,239 --> 00:07:58,166 Any news from the Countess? 70 00:07:58,623 --> 00:08:00,295 - Yes and no. - Meaning? 71 00:08:00,375 --> 00:08:03,990 The Countess let me know via her secretary that she'll be back next Monday. 72 00:08:05,763 --> 00:08:08,603 - Meaning I'll have four days of peace. - Yes, Count. 73 00:08:08,972 --> 00:08:10,549 Shall I draw you a bath? 74 00:08:10,762 --> 00:08:13,058 - Later. - As you wish, Count. 75 00:08:13,657 --> 00:08:15,878 Did the Count enjoy his stay at the Lapi�re's? 76 00:08:15,958 --> 00:08:18,710 To be frank, Malou, not really. 77 00:08:18,970 --> 00:08:20,733 - It didn't work out with the daughter? - It went very well with Germaine. 78 00:08:20,813 --> 00:08:22,494 And with her mother and father too. 79 00:08:22,713 --> 00:08:25,787 And the maid. She was my favorite. 80 00:08:26,081 --> 00:08:28,452 I couldn't stand the others. 81 00:08:29,923 --> 00:08:33,070 It felt like eating pastries with my fingers. 82 00:08:33,403 --> 00:08:35,136 The Count is right. 83 00:08:35,218 --> 00:08:36,938 That's disgusting. 84 00:08:37,145 --> 00:08:39,228 What about Martine, the housekeeper? Did she leave? 85 00:08:39,308 --> 00:08:40,867 Yes, Count. 86 00:08:40,985 --> 00:08:42,661 - And your wife? - She's not here either. 87 00:08:42,662 --> 00:08:44,951 She went to see her aunt, the nun. 88 00:08:45,814 --> 00:08:47,503 - So, we're alone? - Yes, Count. 89 00:08:47,583 --> 00:08:50,600 - Good. Have one. - Thank you, sir. 90 00:09:08,031 --> 00:09:10,703 - Is this a new one? - Yes, a gift from the mother. 91 00:09:11,153 --> 00:09:13,518 - She's always hot, that one! - A real slut, I agree. 92 00:09:13,841 --> 00:09:15,130 And the father? 93 00:09:15,148 --> 00:09:17,400 - He's a fag. - Damn! 94 00:09:17,480 --> 00:09:19,508 It makes me sad when I see you leaving. 95 00:09:19,588 --> 00:09:22,192 I can't come with you because of my wife. 96 00:09:22,272 --> 00:09:24,283 - She's nice and all, but... - You're right, Malou. 97 00:09:24,363 --> 00:09:27,957 I think I'm going to take a holiday. A real one, without any women. 98 00:09:28,626 --> 00:09:30,935 You can put the secret suitcase in a corner of my room, ... 99 00:09:31,015 --> 00:09:32,806 ... and leave it there for a long time. 100 00:09:35,780 --> 00:09:38,214 - Who's that? - Careful, it's my old lady. 101 00:09:39,653 --> 00:09:41,586 Good morning, Count. 102 00:09:51,690 --> 00:09:53,548 Hurry, move the suitcase. 103 00:09:57,469 --> 00:09:58,682 Ciao... 104 00:10:39,220 --> 00:10:42,161 "The Memoirs of a Sad Cunt." 105 00:10:42,241 --> 00:10:45,721 The first big event in my life took place more than thirty years ago, in this very house. 106 00:10:45,801 --> 00:10:47,842 Countess, it's a boy! 107 00:10:48,247 --> 00:10:53,726 After that moment, my life was mundane and uninteresting for the next several years. 108 00:10:57,792 --> 00:11:00,588 The second big event took place fifteen years later. 109 00:11:01,935 --> 00:11:05,082 In that case, the main character was our little Spanish maid. 110 00:11:05,301 --> 00:11:07,823 A bit primitive, but charming. 111 00:11:08,123 --> 00:11:09,731 Pepita, come here! 112 00:11:10,890 --> 00:11:15,084 - Look at this! - Oh, Mister Roland! 113 00:11:20,669 --> 00:11:24,967 Now for the third big event in my life... 114 00:11:31,355 --> 00:11:34,586 My mother, broke and widowed, decided to marry me to a young American girl, ... 115 00:11:34,666 --> 00:11:37,971 ... the daughter of the head of P.S.A., a wealthy industrialist. 116 00:11:39,067 --> 00:11:41,057 This marriage had two advantages. 117 00:11:41,137 --> 00:11:44,059 It enhanced the chewing-gum manufacturer's image, ... 118 00:11:44,139 --> 00:11:48,224 ... and brought to my family the most welcome financial assistance. 119 00:11:50,546 --> 00:11:53,662 As for me, I didn't have a say in this sordid affair. 120 00:11:55,983 --> 00:11:58,173 I was just a pawn on a chessboard. 121 00:12:10,115 --> 00:12:11,795 You'll see, she's a charming girl. 122 00:12:11,875 --> 00:12:15,009 But even if she wasn't, you'd still have to marry her anyway. 123 00:12:15,089 --> 00:12:17,064 What can one say about such a strong selling point? 124 00:12:17,065 --> 00:12:19,815 Nothing. Besides, she wasn't that bad. 125 00:12:20,150 --> 00:12:23,016 But the tragedy started on our wedding night. 126 00:12:25,722 --> 00:12:27,042 Darling? 127 00:12:27,567 --> 00:12:29,131 Darling? 128 00:12:31,277 --> 00:12:34,648 - Yes... go for it. - Go for what? 129 00:12:34,728 --> 00:12:37,007 Come on. What are you waiting for? 130 00:12:37,087 --> 00:12:39,612 Take off that ridiculous robe and let's make love. 131 00:12:39,692 --> 00:12:41,537 That's why we're here, isn't it? 132 00:12:41,837 --> 00:12:44,909 Yes, of course, but still, don't you think that... 133 00:12:44,989 --> 00:12:46,471 Think what, darling? 134 00:12:46,551 --> 00:12:48,729 That making love is ... is... 135 00:12:49,123 --> 00:12:51,256 I don't know, it's not just like ... 136 00:12:51,531 --> 00:12:53,340 ... like a couple of dogs. 137 00:12:54,128 --> 00:12:56,897 Things should be done first. Things like ... 138 00:12:56,977 --> 00:13:00,413 Like what? Stop with the foolish talk, Roland. 139 00:13:00,493 --> 00:13:02,828 If you want to have sex, then stop wasting time. 140 00:13:02,908 --> 00:13:04,555 Well, alright... 141 00:13:06,251 --> 00:13:09,757 That's a medium-caliber gun, at the least. I was worried for a moment. 142 00:13:09,855 --> 00:13:12,539 What do you mean by medium-caliber? 143 00:13:12,845 --> 00:13:15,329 When you go into action, ... 144 00:13:15,409 --> 00:13:18,863 ... by what proportion does the volume increase? 145 00:13:20,195 --> 00:13:24,444 1 to 4, 1 to 5, or 1 to 3? 146 00:13:24,524 --> 00:13:26,396 Well, I don't really know. It grows, that's all. 147 00:13:26,476 --> 00:13:29,305 I never thought about taking measurements or anything like that. 148 00:13:29,844 --> 00:13:35,006 A detail that is symptomatic of the ignorance in which primitive people live ... 149 00:13:35,086 --> 00:13:37,030 ... when they approach sexual issues. 150 00:13:37,110 --> 00:13:40,143 And yet I thought that you, being an aristocrat, ... 151 00:13:40,223 --> 00:13:42,032 What do you mean by that? 152 00:13:42,258 --> 00:13:45,749 Oh, come on! It's essential to know certain things by heart ... 153 00:13:45,829 --> 00:13:47,527 ... to be able to act effectively. 154 00:13:47,607 --> 00:13:49,135 Listen to me. 155 00:13:49,554 --> 00:13:53,591 I'm just a simple guy who is about to have sex with his wife. 156 00:13:53,671 --> 00:13:55,748 That's all. Everything else you're saying is... 157 00:13:55,828 --> 00:13:59,011 Of course. I forgot we were in Europe. 158 00:13:59,091 --> 00:14:02,555 "French love"... Women always pregnant. 159 00:14:02,635 --> 00:14:05,119 Contraceptive pills that make you sick ... 160 00:14:05,199 --> 00:14:07,001 You're not on the pill? 161 00:14:07,081 --> 00:14:10,310 Me? You're kidding! Fortunately, I brought my own gear. 162 00:14:16,638 --> 00:14:18,119 Look! 163 00:14:18,771 --> 00:14:20,048 Take your choice. 164 00:14:20,128 --> 00:14:22,984 You, you... You don't want me to put on one of these things? 165 00:14:23,064 --> 00:14:24,731 Of course, my love. 166 00:14:25,701 --> 00:14:28,466 Let's see. Which one are we going to use? 167 00:14:28,546 --> 00:14:34,774 There are different types... velvet, spiked, with a sperm-tip, ... 168 00:14:34,854 --> 00:14:37,852 ... the devil's tourniquet, the coffee-break Mohican, ... 169 00:14:37,932 --> 00:14:39,518 ... the frantic minaret, ... 170 00:14:39,598 --> 00:14:43,383 - ... the clarinet ... - How come you know so much about this crap? 171 00:14:43,463 --> 00:14:45,910 Come on! It's my job! 172 00:14:45,990 --> 00:14:47,467 Your job? Your job! 173 00:14:48,005 --> 00:14:51,430 Don't tell me that your parents didn't tell you? 174 00:14:51,690 --> 00:14:53,805 You... You're a whore? 175 00:14:53,885 --> 00:14:58,306 Are you crazy? At least you know that I'm Rupert Bolt's daughter? 176 00:14:58,386 --> 00:15:01,430 - The head of P.S.A. - Yeah, I knew that. 177 00:15:01,608 --> 00:15:04,136 But what does P.S.A. mean? 178 00:15:04,216 --> 00:15:06,198 Must I really explain everything to you? 179 00:15:06,278 --> 00:15:10,896 P.S.A. stands for the Porno Shop Association. 180 00:15:10,976 --> 00:15:15,335 And I'm the President and General Director of our European branch. 181 00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:17,794 I have a degree in pornography, by the way. 182 00:15:17,874 --> 00:15:21,500 - And I've presided over the Jury of Copenhagen. - Good grief! 183 00:15:21,590 --> 00:15:23,386 You're not pleased? 184 00:15:23,466 --> 00:15:27,946 You're not proud to be married to a Doctor. Doctor of Pornography. 185 00:15:28,026 --> 00:15:30,122 You know you're handsome, Roland. 186 00:15:30,202 --> 00:15:34,611 I think I could turn you into a wonderful boy-toy with just a few lessons. 187 00:15:34,691 --> 00:15:35,647 Relax. 188 00:15:35,727 --> 00:15:37,361 It was the beginning of the end. 189 00:15:37,441 --> 00:15:38,714 For three days and three nights, 190 00:15:38,794 --> 00:15:41,874 I tried to rise above Barbara's technical knowledge, but in vain. 191 00:15:43,231 --> 00:15:45,724 That part of me which usually gives me so much satisfaction ... 192 00:15:45,804 --> 00:15:48,502 ... refused to come alive despite the desperate efforts of my wife. 193 00:15:48,582 --> 00:15:51,673 Let's try the sliding coitus. That should do the trick. 194 00:15:56,567 --> 00:15:59,590 It's starting. I feel it. I think it's working now... 195 00:15:59,670 --> 00:16:01,297 Now take a deep breath. 196 00:16:01,377 --> 00:16:05,521 At the same time, try to move your penis in a contra-centric direction. 197 00:16:05,601 --> 00:16:08,701 Above all, the penetration angle must not be more than 40�. 198 00:16:08,781 --> 00:16:12,497 - Like that? - No, no, silly boy. Not so perpendicular. 199 00:16:12,577 --> 00:16:15,562 The center of rotation must be aligned to the bisector of the kidneys. 200 00:16:15,642 --> 00:16:17,682 It's so simple. Start again. 201 00:16:25,933 --> 00:16:28,484 - You still missed it. - I'm done. 202 00:16:28,564 --> 00:16:31,467 Don't panic my darling. Let's try another method. 203 00:16:35,133 --> 00:16:37,298 Up, down... 204 00:16:38,726 --> 00:16:41,270 Up, down... 205 00:16:50,853 --> 00:16:54,263 1, 2, 3, 4, 5... 206 00:16:54,951 --> 00:16:57,334 1, 2, 3, 4, 5... 207 00:17:17,902 --> 00:17:20,224 It's useless, Barbara. It's a dead end. 208 00:17:20,304 --> 00:17:21,863 I'll never get an erection with you. 209 00:17:24,012 --> 00:17:25,295 Never. 210 00:17:40,279 --> 00:17:41,742 Hello, Count. 211 00:17:41,822 --> 00:17:43,569 I imagine it was an exhausting night for you. 212 00:17:43,649 --> 00:17:45,091 You have no idea. 213 00:17:45,171 --> 00:17:47,804 When I saw the Countess going out this morning, I immediately understood. 214 00:17:47,884 --> 00:17:50,138 - She went out? - Yes, at nine sharp. 215 00:17:50,218 --> 00:17:54,502 She seemed cheerful, she was singing. She gave me a message for you, by the way. 216 00:17:56,600 --> 00:17:57,863 Wait. 217 00:17:59,490 --> 00:18:01,460 I must talk with you about a problem. 218 00:18:03,944 --> 00:18:06,530 - I need your advice. - Of course, Count. 219 00:18:06,935 --> 00:18:10,334 - So, she's a professional? - Rather a porno-technocrat. 220 00:18:10,585 --> 00:18:12,480 And that's what cooled your passion? 221 00:18:13,200 --> 00:18:15,640 - Yes, but why? - It's obvious. 222 00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:18,993 The Frenchman is accustomed to courting, to flirting, to putting himself on parade. 223 00:18:19,073 --> 00:18:21,660 To seduction, in a word. It makes him feel like a conqueror. 224 00:18:21,898 --> 00:18:26,227 That was the case with you. And then, suddenly, you're stuck with a broad... Sorry... 225 00:18:26,509 --> 00:18:28,423 - I meant a woman... - Forget the etiquette, Malou. 226 00:18:29,043 --> 00:18:30,757 Talk to me as if I was your friend. 227 00:18:31,713 --> 00:18:33,145 Okay, Count. 228 00:18:35,598 --> 00:18:38,050 So they've stuck you with a Yankee cunt! 229 00:18:38,130 --> 00:18:40,278 One of those who opens their legs while saying hello ... 230 00:18:40,358 --> 00:18:42,668 ... and then lectures you on the best way to fuck them! 231 00:18:42,681 --> 00:18:44,550 I understand now why you're so upset. 232 00:18:44,610 --> 00:18:46,624 You're probably right, but after the blow she dealt me, ... 233 00:18:46,704 --> 00:18:48,390 ... I'm afraid I won't be able to satisfy any girl. 234 00:18:48,650 --> 00:18:51,030 You must react! And quickly! 235 00:18:51,110 --> 00:18:54,011 For instance, you should try to have sex with a normal girl, ... 236 00:18:54,091 --> 00:18:55,606 ... the most innocent girl possible. 237 00:18:56,589 --> 00:18:59,225 - A virgin maybe? - Well, now you're asking too much! 238 00:18:59,305 --> 00:19:01,872 - You know the new definition of a "virgin girl"? - No. 239 00:19:01,952 --> 00:19:05,520 It's a 15 year-old girl who doesn't get laid more than once a day. 240 00:19:07,646 --> 00:19:09,235 You need one of those. 241 00:19:09,535 --> 00:19:12,082 - And fast! - You're probably right. 242 00:19:12,301 --> 00:19:14,409 But where to find this rare pearl? 243 00:19:22,117 --> 00:19:23,419 Kukusekusi! 244 00:19:23,499 --> 00:19:25,145 - What? - Don't worry. 245 00:19:25,564 --> 00:19:28,467 I have a genius idea. Kukusekusi! 246 00:19:29,187 --> 00:19:31,820 - What is it? - You're about to see, Count. 247 00:19:32,490 --> 00:19:35,359 In fact, of course, gentle hypocritic, ... 248 00:19:35,622 --> 00:19:38,988 ... love is harder to chew than iron. 249 00:19:39,832 --> 00:19:43,317 I can name you the exact cause of my undoing. 250 00:19:43,397 --> 00:19:50,819 - Deceptive charm, the death of a poor heart... - Give me that! 251 00:19:51,602 --> 00:19:54,889 Come on, papa! It's only a poem by Fran�ois Villon. 252 00:19:54,969 --> 00:19:57,357 A nice bastard, undoubtedly! 253 00:19:57,933 --> 00:20:01,406 I warn you, if he writes to you again, I'll kill you! 254 00:20:05,704 --> 00:20:09,552 Kukusekusi is the lovely daughter of the exiled Polynesian Prince, Bigbrownass. 255 00:20:09,632 --> 00:20:12,493 He watches over her daughter's virginity as if it was the most precious treasure. 256 00:20:12,755 --> 00:20:14,407 You're going to see her now. 257 00:20:14,926 --> 00:20:17,204 At this hour she's probably having her bath. 258 00:20:18,599 --> 00:20:21,030 But you can't land in her bathroom! 259 00:20:21,290 --> 00:20:24,116 What a dumb cunt you are sometimes, sir. She's taking a sunbath by her pool. 260 00:20:35,455 --> 00:20:36,543 Good heavens! 261 00:20:38,314 --> 00:20:39,707 She's just what I need! 262 00:20:47,617 --> 00:20:49,725 How comes she's still a virgin? 263 00:20:50,739 --> 00:20:52,046 It's unbelievable! 264 00:20:52,447 --> 00:20:55,247 Have the French all suddenly become impotent? 265 00:21:01,948 --> 00:21:04,629 Shit, it's her father! Let's get out of here, fast! 266 00:21:14,949 --> 00:21:16,498 Get inside the house immediately! 267 00:21:16,578 --> 00:21:17,656 Slut! 268 00:21:23,339 --> 00:21:25,805 The bastard! He almost hit us! 269 00:21:32,439 --> 00:21:34,140 Have you no shame? 270 00:21:34,660 --> 00:21:37,462 Hanging around naked and attracting helicopters! 271 00:21:38,851 --> 00:21:41,192 - But, papa... - Shut up, please! 272 00:21:41,272 --> 00:21:44,575 I'll kill them all, these bastards that come here to flirt with you! 273 00:21:45,183 --> 00:21:47,007 Don't forget that I'm a champion shooter! 274 00:21:59,414 --> 00:22:03,913 Lovely, absolutely lovely! Don't you think? 275 00:22:03,993 --> 00:22:06,750 I agree, but how do we proceed? 276 00:22:16,412 --> 00:22:18,472 Follow me, I think that's her room. 277 00:22:25,191 --> 00:22:27,050 We'll have a front row seat here. 278 00:22:42,894 --> 00:22:44,858 - But she's naked! - Why not? 279 00:22:44,938 --> 00:22:47,114 Hanging around naked is in fashion this year. 280 00:22:47,598 --> 00:22:50,428 - Malou! -Yes? - I want to get laid with this girl. 281 00:22:50,508 --> 00:22:51,560 Yes. 282 00:22:51,561 --> 00:22:54,697 It can be arranged, but let's get out of here. 283 00:22:54,756 --> 00:22:56,723 The Prince could discover us at any time. 284 00:22:57,250 --> 00:22:59,743 Tomorrow evening the Prince is giving a reception in honor of his daughter, ... 285 00:22:59,823 --> 00:23:02,502 ... and they need two manservants for the weekend occasion. 286 00:23:02,582 --> 00:23:04,081 A manservant and his assistant. 287 00:23:04,161 --> 00:23:05,831 You, my dear Count, will be my assistant. 288 00:23:05,911 --> 00:23:08,031 But I'm very well known in high society. 289 00:23:08,111 --> 00:23:09,958 The Polynesian high society too? 290 00:23:10,038 --> 00:23:11,092 No. 291 00:23:11,172 --> 00:23:13,421 So, be reassured, it will only be indigenous people. 292 00:23:13,501 --> 00:23:15,737 - Some savages. - It's complete madness! 293 00:23:16,118 --> 00:23:19,281 If you say so, but it's the best way to carry out our plan. 294 00:23:19,361 --> 00:23:21,349 This outfit is the best master key on the market. 295 00:23:21,350 --> 00:23:25,331 It gives you an excuse to slip into any place in the house. 296 00:23:25,390 --> 00:23:28,943 It's the perfect pass key... to let you in every room. 297 00:23:29,577 --> 00:23:31,092 Even the bathrooms. 298 00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:37,081 Kukusekusi's father himself can't argue with your presence, ... 299 00:23:37,250 --> 00:23:40,210 ... even in his daughter's room, if you're dressed like this. 300 00:23:40,770 --> 00:23:42,223 Maybe you're right. 301 00:23:42,303 --> 00:23:46,238 But tell me, you haven't explained how you know Kukusekusi so well, ... 302 00:23:46,318 --> 00:23:48,710 ... or her father, their habits ... 303 00:23:48,790 --> 00:23:50,100 ... and all their house secrets. 304 00:23:50,180 --> 00:23:52,676 Their head butler is one of my best friends. 305 00:23:52,756 --> 00:23:54,445 That's him who called me, by the way, ... 306 00:23:54,525 --> 00:23:57,732 ... to ask me if I could recommend someone for the party. 307 00:23:57,812 --> 00:23:59,433 You look superb! 308 00:23:59,513 --> 00:24:02,304 - You look like you were born to wear this outfit. - Really? 309 00:24:02,384 --> 00:24:04,435 With all due respect, Count. 310 00:24:05,461 --> 00:24:07,695 I don't feel comfortable. I feel like I'm wearing a costume. 311 00:24:07,775 --> 00:24:09,654 And furthermore, I have no experience... 312 00:24:09,734 --> 00:24:13,688 Come on, Count. Remember that dreamlike vision by the pool? 313 00:24:14,435 --> 00:24:17,427 You're not tempted by a further study of the subject? 314 00:24:17,507 --> 00:24:19,040 What if she says no? 315 00:24:19,402 --> 00:24:20,860 That's impossible, Count. 316 00:24:21,117 --> 00:24:23,394 You know how irresistible you are. 317 00:24:24,457 --> 00:24:26,628 I'm not referring to myself, of course. 318 00:24:27,398 --> 00:24:30,088 Remember that you're going to face a young girl. 319 00:24:30,168 --> 00:24:33,192 A young girl who has never been near a young man in her life. 320 00:24:33,272 --> 00:24:34,944 Let's just forget it. 321 00:24:35,024 --> 00:24:36,202 I won't have the nerve. 322 00:24:48,581 --> 00:24:51,002 With one hand, one hand. Like this... 323 00:24:52,422 --> 00:24:54,399 Excuse me... Oh, I'm sorry! 324 00:24:54,775 --> 00:24:56,052 Who are you? 325 00:24:56,132 --> 00:24:57,560 I am Roland. 326 00:24:57,640 --> 00:24:59,476 The temporary butler's assistant. 327 00:24:59,556 --> 00:25:01,576 Well, Roland, I am pleased to meet you. 328 00:25:01,696 --> 00:25:04,023 Do you know where my father is? 329 00:25:04,103 --> 00:25:05,431 No, Miss. 330 00:25:06,071 --> 00:25:09,481 But if I can help you in any way, in any other way... 331 00:25:09,700 --> 00:25:11,020 You're very kind. 332 00:25:11,354 --> 00:25:15,043 Unfortunately it's a matter between me and my father only. See you soon. 333 00:25:18,710 --> 00:25:22,375 Bravo! she's in your pocket. You see, I told you the truth. 334 00:25:22,788 --> 00:25:26,448 You're still here! Bring these cocktails to our guests at once! 335 00:25:28,798 --> 00:25:30,325 A cocktail, Madame? 336 00:25:31,996 --> 00:25:33,184 Grazie. 337 00:25:34,148 --> 00:25:36,750 - Are you Italian? - No, Madame. I'm French. 338 00:25:38,900 --> 00:25:42,857 Other than Alain Delon, I didn't know there were any more pretty boys in France. 339 00:25:43,949 --> 00:25:45,851 You're too kind. You flatter me, Madame. 340 00:25:46,045 --> 00:25:48,388 What's your name, dark and handsome? 341 00:25:48,468 --> 00:25:49,491 Roland. 342 00:25:49,492 --> 00:25:52,280 I think I may need your help very often over the weekend. 343 00:25:52,528 --> 00:25:54,474 As you wish, Madame. 344 00:26:14,307 --> 00:26:17,922 Don't hit on all the women or the Prince will spot you and our plan will be sunk. 345 00:26:17,935 --> 00:26:19,432 It was she who hit on me! Who is she? 346 00:26:19,512 --> 00:26:22,390 She's married to a wealthy industrialist from Milan. 347 00:26:22,470 --> 00:26:24,492 Just be careful, the Prince is very jealous. 348 00:26:33,864 --> 00:26:35,725 - Have you seen the daughter? - No. 349 00:26:36,057 --> 00:26:37,953 I'm hungry as a wolf! 350 00:26:39,573 --> 00:26:40,969 Me too. 351 00:26:41,049 --> 00:26:44,284 - It must be rather awkward for you. - Awkward? Why? 352 00:26:45,054 --> 00:26:47,319 Because you were hired as a servant. 353 00:26:48,070 --> 00:26:50,910 You can't help yourself, and all this must be very tempting. 354 00:26:51,170 --> 00:26:55,246 That's true, but when the party's over, Miss, I become a man like any other. 355 00:26:55,584 --> 00:26:59,000 I'm free to eat all I want and to act like any ordinary man. 356 00:27:00,078 --> 00:27:02,349 But you look better than any ordinary man. 357 00:27:06,447 --> 00:27:08,881 - Did you want something to eat? - Yes, papa, if you please. 358 00:27:10,220 --> 00:27:12,034 The industrialist's wife is asking for you. 359 00:27:12,114 --> 00:27:13,790 But she's had fifteen cocktails already! 360 00:27:13,791 --> 00:27:16,769 - She wants another. She hasn't had enough. - Beware of this boy! 361 00:27:18,072 --> 00:27:20,287 - May I serve you, Miss? - Thank you. 362 00:27:20,367 --> 00:27:22,556 I'm certain that young man is a hoodlum. 363 00:27:25,670 --> 00:27:29,242 - Madame, your cocktail. - Thank you, my dear Roland. 364 00:27:30,394 --> 00:27:33,096 I must say, you're not being very kind to me, Roland. 365 00:27:33,176 --> 00:27:35,655 Forgive me, Madame. It was not my intention. 366 00:27:37,107 --> 00:27:41,417 Don't call me, Madame. My name is Angela. Angelina to my friends. 367 00:27:41,497 --> 00:27:44,230 Don't you want to call me Angelina? 368 00:27:44,310 --> 00:27:46,570 It would be a great honor, Madame Angela, ... 369 00:27:46,882 --> 00:27:49,974 ... but I'm afraid I'm not worthy of such a privilege. 370 00:27:50,054 --> 00:27:51,981 It would be inappropriate. 371 00:27:52,806 --> 00:27:54,345 Come on, my little Roland... 372 00:27:54,983 --> 00:27:56,979 ...don't be so pretentious. 373 00:27:57,059 --> 00:27:59,782 We Italians are true democrats. 374 00:28:00,357 --> 00:28:03,692 We like to connect with the little people. 375 00:28:05,296 --> 00:28:07,498 All kinds of connections. 376 00:28:08,461 --> 00:28:10,294 I'm a leftist myself. 377 00:28:10,295 --> 00:28:14,724 So I agree with your generous and revolutionary ideas, but the Prince... 378 00:28:14,783 --> 00:28:16,755 Forget the Prince! 379 00:28:17,781 --> 00:28:19,840 I can forget him, but his shotgun... 380 00:28:19,920 --> 00:28:22,625 ...the double-barrelled shotgun he uses for bear hunting is difficult to forget. 381 00:28:22,705 --> 00:28:23,990 Admit it! 382 00:28:24,560 --> 00:28:27,475 But you're not a bear, my beautiful devil! 383 00:28:28,477 --> 00:28:33,030 You're right, Angela, and furthermore, I'm the horny devil type. 384 00:28:33,608 --> 00:28:36,298 You again! I see too much of you for my taste. 385 00:28:36,378 --> 00:28:38,106 And as if by magic, always near the ladies! 386 00:28:38,186 --> 00:28:40,002 - But Mr. Prince... - Don't "Mr. Prince" me! 387 00:28:40,003 --> 00:28:41,993 Come on, go! 388 00:28:46,740 --> 00:28:50,321 It's my fault. To be honest I was just giving your lovely manservant... 389 00:28:50,401 --> 00:28:52,409 ... the recipe of a delightful cocktail. 390 00:28:52,489 --> 00:28:55,187 I'm sorry, my dear. I had a feeling that manservant was pestering you. 391 00:28:56,626 --> 00:29:00,068 Well, he was flirting a little with me, but nothing serious. 392 00:29:01,344 --> 00:29:03,992 I hope you're not too upset, my dear friend. 393 00:29:04,072 --> 00:29:09,146 On the contrary. I would even say that it took a weight off my mind. 394 00:29:09,226 --> 00:29:12,198 For a moment I thought that this manservant was interested in my daughter. 395 00:29:12,199 --> 00:29:14,485 I swear, in that case I would have killed him with my bare hands. 396 00:29:14,544 --> 00:29:16,684 Don't be so excessive. 397 00:29:16,764 --> 00:29:20,231 Your daughter will have to give herself up to a man one day soon. 398 00:29:20,613 --> 00:29:22,227 Only to her husband. 399 00:29:27,188 --> 00:29:30,362 To her husband, in front of God, and to no other man. 400 00:29:30,623 --> 00:29:33,991 My daughter will stay a virgin until the day of her marriage. 401 00:29:34,071 --> 00:29:39,315 She will until a priest has sealed her union with the man she loves. 402 00:29:39,395 --> 00:29:41,633 On that day, it won't matter any more. 403 00:29:41,713 --> 00:29:46,061 Until then I want her to remain a virgin and chaste like her mother. 404 00:29:47,275 --> 00:29:49,697 Times have changed, my dear Prince. 405 00:29:49,777 --> 00:29:51,954 Nowadays, girls are more... 406 00:29:54,957 --> 00:29:55,952 More... 407 00:29:56,032 --> 00:29:59,155 More... more depraved. They're all whores except my daughter. 408 00:30:01,321 --> 00:30:05,836 Whatever. It is only me that your young manservant was chasing. 409 00:30:07,763 --> 00:30:09,696 I can assure you. 410 00:30:10,291 --> 00:30:12,218 Say, aren't you afraid that ... 411 00:30:13,034 --> 00:30:15,064 ... that this young scoundrel might dare to... 412 00:30:16,215 --> 00:30:18,211 Absolutley not! 413 00:30:19,381 --> 00:30:23,110 My dear friend, this young man knows his place in society. 414 00:30:23,810 --> 00:30:28,634 Obviously, he has received a very strict and religious education. 415 00:30:29,516 --> 00:30:34,262 It was only a little game between us, nothing more. 416 00:30:37,497 --> 00:30:40,068 I think I'm going to bed. 417 00:30:40,231 --> 00:30:41,798 I'm so tired... 418 00:30:44,563 --> 00:30:46,972 I'll show you the way to your room, my dear. 419 00:31:02,862 --> 00:31:04,446 The daughter is alone in the living room. 420 00:31:04,447 --> 00:31:06,440 I'm going to see her. You know where the old man is? 421 00:31:06,499 --> 00:31:08,513 He left to escort a guest to her room. 422 00:31:08,593 --> 00:31:11,293 If he comes back, sing something to give me enough time to flee. Understood? 423 00:31:11,373 --> 00:31:12,586 Understood, boss. 424 00:31:19,255 --> 00:31:20,459 Is that all? 425 00:31:24,001 --> 00:31:25,230 Is that all? 426 00:31:34,610 --> 00:31:35,840 Is that all? 427 00:31:46,734 --> 00:31:50,256 Come to my room at midnight. Be on time. 428 00:31:50,506 --> 00:31:52,564 I'll wait for you, my love. 429 00:31:53,165 --> 00:31:54,204 Yes. 430 00:32:03,789 --> 00:32:06,366 Are you crazy! Some of our guests are trying to sleep! 431 00:32:06,679 --> 00:32:10,418 You're right, Prince. I'm sorry. I acted foolishly. 432 00:32:10,806 --> 00:32:12,721 Where's your mate? He should be helping you. 433 00:32:13,071 --> 00:32:16,637 He's in the loo... I mean, in the toilet. 434 00:32:17,100 --> 00:32:19,711 He suffers from a bladder infection. 435 00:32:19,791 --> 00:32:23,591 Sometimes he has the urge to drain his tank, so to speak. 436 00:32:26,620 --> 00:32:28,263 I told you to be quiet! 437 00:32:35,334 --> 00:32:37,067 What are you doing in here by yourself? 438 00:32:37,336 --> 00:32:38,856 I was just doing my hair. 439 00:32:41,673 --> 00:32:44,407 No one bothered you in my absence? 440 00:32:44,889 --> 00:32:46,911 No one raped me, father, if that's what you want to know. 441 00:32:46,991 --> 00:32:49,663 Kukusekusi, I hate this kind of remark! 442 00:32:49,743 --> 00:32:52,596 I suppose you would enjoy being raped, wouldn't you? 443 00:32:52,840 --> 00:32:54,468 Listen to me. 444 00:32:54,548 --> 00:32:59,253 I warn you again, if you have sex before you're married, I'll kill the guy! 445 00:32:59,333 --> 00:33:02,096 I'll string him up like a pig! 446 00:33:02,309 --> 00:33:05,224 And then I'll rip his balls off with pliers and nippers! 447 00:33:06,757 --> 00:33:09,197 Now... you can go to bed. 448 00:33:10,726 --> 00:33:13,814 Good night, father, and thank you for the party all the same. 449 00:33:14,533 --> 00:33:16,495 - Hey, waiter. - Yes, sir. 450 00:33:16,575 --> 00:33:20,064 Say... your mate with the infected bladder... 451 00:33:20,144 --> 00:33:22,364 - He still hasn't finished pissing? - No, sir. 452 00:33:22,444 --> 00:33:26,739 Poor guy is a stutterer and it can last an hour when he has a fit. 453 00:33:26,819 --> 00:33:29,360 Can you imagine, for a man so young? 454 00:34:39,996 --> 00:34:43,188 Where are you going, scoundrel? My handsome scoundrel! 455 00:34:43,268 --> 00:34:45,846 Why, I was looking for your room of course, Angela. 456 00:34:47,096 --> 00:34:48,192 Is that the truth? 457 00:34:48,193 --> 00:34:50,303 Of course, Angela. Who else would I be looking for? 458 00:34:50,304 --> 00:34:53,276 Why this sudden urge to see me? 459 00:34:53,422 --> 00:34:55,843 What a silly question... To make love to you, of course. 460 00:34:58,946 --> 00:35:01,843 What are you waiting for then? We mustn't waste a moment. 461 00:35:02,856 --> 00:35:04,652 Please! Just a moment! Hold on! 462 00:35:04,732 --> 00:35:05,947 Hold on! 463 00:35:07,284 --> 00:35:09,824 I told you to hold on! No. 464 00:35:10,518 --> 00:35:12,659 I don't understand. What now? 465 00:35:12,660 --> 00:35:14,350 Stay here, don't leave me on my own. 466 00:35:14,351 --> 00:35:15,732 - I have to leave. - Certainly not! 467 00:35:15,732 --> 00:35:17,029 I'll be back soon. 468 00:35:17,030 --> 00:35:19,077 No, I forbid you to leave. Where are you going? 469 00:35:19,157 --> 00:35:21,442 I just remembered, I forgot to turn off the kitchen gas. 470 00:35:21,522 --> 00:35:23,895 If someone lights a match the whole house could blow up! 471 00:35:23,975 --> 00:35:27,566 Are you nuts? What kind of idiot would light a match in the kitchen at this hour? 472 00:35:27,646 --> 00:35:29,919 You never can tell. I'll be right back. 473 00:35:39,939 --> 00:35:42,285 How come you already have your pants open? 474 00:35:42,554 --> 00:35:47,015 I wanted to save time. I tried to undress in the corridor to have more time with you! 475 00:35:48,191 --> 00:35:49,543 That's it! 476 00:36:10,442 --> 00:36:11,830 And I was wondering ... 477 00:36:11,910 --> 00:36:14,072 ... is it true that you've never done it with a man? 478 00:36:14,152 --> 00:36:16,636 Does it matter? Come... 479 00:36:23,785 --> 00:36:25,724 - What's wrong? - I'll be right back. 480 00:36:25,804 --> 00:36:27,850 I'm sure someone is spying on us from outside. 481 00:36:27,851 --> 00:36:30,307 Come on, let him spy. Just take care of me. 482 00:36:30,830 --> 00:36:32,563 I heard a noise. I have to check. 483 00:36:32,643 --> 00:36:34,299 - Please, let me go. - But it doesn't matter. 484 00:36:34,300 --> 00:36:36,061 Maybe it's the ghost of the house? 485 00:36:36,140 --> 00:36:38,357 We've never had a ghost in this house, my darling. 486 00:36:38,437 --> 00:36:39,766 That's what Lady Windermere said ... 487 00:36:39,846 --> 00:36:42,609 ... before they found her dead with her fan stuck in her throat. 488 00:36:42,689 --> 00:36:46,299 - Who was Lady something? - She... she was my aunt! 489 00:36:46,379 --> 00:36:48,890 Listen, I have to go. It will only take a few minutes. 490 00:36:48,970 --> 00:36:51,598 I can't concentrate on you. I'll be reassured and able to focus when I return. 491 00:36:51,678 --> 00:36:54,267 I warn you, if you're not back in five minutes, .. 492 00:36:54,347 --> 00:36:56,089 ... I'll scream and you'll take the blame for raping me. 493 00:36:56,169 --> 00:36:57,384 I promise. 494 00:36:57,522 --> 00:36:58,858 Not even five minutes. 495 00:37:08,036 --> 00:37:11,140 - You're here! - I've been waiting for five minutes. 496 00:37:11,220 --> 00:37:13,135 Little devil, so you weren't in the kitchen? 497 00:37:13,215 --> 00:37:15,152 Obviously not, since I was here. 498 00:37:16,154 --> 00:37:18,162 Oh, Madonna... 499 00:37:46,173 --> 00:37:48,421 What's wrong? You're not leaving again? 500 00:37:48,501 --> 00:37:50,228 Yes, I need to wash. 501 00:37:50,308 --> 00:37:53,093 - Are you crazy? Why? - Well, I just need to. 502 00:37:55,117 --> 00:37:56,781 Okay... go on, the bathroom's there. 503 00:37:56,782 --> 00:37:58,644 - Not here, that's not possible. - Why not? 504 00:37:59,030 --> 00:38:02,802 Well, I... I can only wash in my own room. 505 00:38:03,165 --> 00:38:04,950 It's sort of a habit. You understand? 506 00:38:05,186 --> 00:38:06,532 Not at all. 507 00:38:06,892 --> 00:38:09,764 Well, I also have an urgent bodily need ... 508 00:38:11,229 --> 00:38:13,393 And it happened just now? 509 00:38:13,473 --> 00:38:16,973 Yes. It happens every time I make love. Everything happens at the same time. 510 00:38:17,651 --> 00:38:20,343 If you're not back in five minutes, I'm crying rape! 511 00:38:20,423 --> 00:38:22,785 Oh, you too! Soon I'll be able to put together a choir! 512 00:38:22,865 --> 00:38:25,292 - What are you talking about, Roland? - Pay no attention. 513 00:38:25,372 --> 00:38:28,894 - Five minutes. Not a second more! - I promise. I promise. 514 00:38:38,642 --> 00:38:41,246 - So, who was it? - What? Who are you talking about? 515 00:38:41,326 --> 00:38:45,106 - The person walking in the corridor. - Oh, yes! It was my friend, Malou. 516 00:38:45,186 --> 00:38:47,233 He's a sleepwalker, but let's forget him. 517 00:38:52,370 --> 00:38:54,430 - But, Kusi... - Yes? 518 00:38:54,510 --> 00:38:56,935 - Is it true that you're a virgin? - Yes. 519 00:38:57,478 --> 00:38:58,716 Yes. 520 00:39:02,250 --> 00:39:04,291 Your suffering is about to end, my angel. 521 00:39:04,371 --> 00:39:08,370 - The time of your initiation has begun. - No, never! Or my father would kill you! 522 00:39:08,450 --> 00:39:10,352 What then? What are we going to do? 523 00:39:12,250 --> 00:39:14,694 The usual. The usual, darling. 524 00:39:16,296 --> 00:39:19,187 - So, this is innocence... - You don't like it, Roland? 525 00:39:20,059 --> 00:39:21,990 Of course I like it. It's fine with me. 526 00:39:31,569 --> 00:39:33,146 My love... 527 00:39:47,609 --> 00:39:50,050 Oh, my dearest friend... 528 00:39:50,390 --> 00:39:51,591 ... come to me. 529 00:40:23,276 --> 00:40:24,653 So, it worked? 530 00:40:25,498 --> 00:40:28,451 I can't say it didn't. It actually worked too well. 531 00:40:29,076 --> 00:40:30,665 Come on, move over. 532 00:41:17,841 --> 00:41:19,257 Oh, my dearest friend... 533 00:41:20,444 --> 00:41:23,070 - It was horrible! - Calm down, I'll settle this. 534 00:41:28,446 --> 00:41:30,690 Why are you clowning like that? 535 00:41:30,932 --> 00:41:33,407 It happens to me sometimes, especially when I'm nervous. 536 00:41:33,487 --> 00:41:35,350 I can't help it. I'm twitching. 537 00:41:35,680 --> 00:41:38,710 Twitching! You don't say! 538 00:41:38,970 --> 00:41:42,682 So, you've known for years that she sleeps with other men and you don't care? 539 00:41:42,762 --> 00:41:44,365 It doesn't bother you? 540 00:41:44,366 --> 00:41:46,646 Why should I care? 541 00:41:46,951 --> 00:41:50,667 She's free to do as she pleases. She's very talented, I assure you. 542 00:41:50,747 --> 00:41:53,220 - I've already seen her at work. - But that's impossible! 543 00:41:53,439 --> 00:41:55,205 She's a virgin! 544 00:41:55,403 --> 00:41:58,026 Well, I heard she's a virgin anyway. 545 00:41:58,327 --> 00:42:00,082 If she can make you believe in her virginity, ... 546 00:42:00,162 --> 00:42:02,376 ... it proves that you know nothing about women. 547 00:42:02,456 --> 00:42:05,497 I can't believe that a man like you could be fooled like a schoolboy. 548 00:42:11,358 --> 00:42:13,372 After all, I can tell you... 549 00:42:14,042 --> 00:42:18,811 ... I've had a sort of non-platonic relationship with her for ten years. 550 00:42:19,354 --> 00:42:20,649 Aren't you ashamed? 551 00:42:20,650 --> 00:42:22,559 I don't believe you're talking about the same woman. 552 00:42:22,618 --> 00:42:23,621 Shut up! 553 00:42:25,274 --> 00:42:26,875 Ashamed of what? 554 00:42:27,170 --> 00:42:29,065 What's wrong with you guys? 555 00:42:30,317 --> 00:42:33,290 Come on, she's a woman... and I'm a man. 556 00:42:33,821 --> 00:42:35,230 It's nature's way. 557 00:42:35,290 --> 00:42:38,375 I'm sorry, but I don't find this very natural. 558 00:42:38,490 --> 00:42:41,694 Especially as you started more than ten years ago! Don't you agree? 559 00:42:42,787 --> 00:42:45,030 Come on, that's ridiculous, my boy! 560 00:42:45,553 --> 00:42:51,199 Well, she looks young, it's true... but in fact she's much older than she looks. 561 00:42:51,279 --> 00:42:53,295 Well, if you've slept with her for ten years ... 562 00:42:53,375 --> 00:42:56,052 ... then why take your gun and get mad at me as if I had raped her? 563 00:42:56,132 --> 00:43:00,538 Well, I simply believe that you're not allowed to behave like this, my boy. 564 00:43:00,539 --> 00:43:03,311 And you must have respect for my guests. 565 00:43:03,515 --> 00:43:05,692 Confidentially, Prince... in confidence ... 566 00:43:05,772 --> 00:43:09,788 It was she who asked that we meet in her room at midnight. 567 00:43:11,952 --> 00:43:16,022 Oh, the slut! Why she didn't tell me? 568 00:43:17,299 --> 00:43:21,517 When I think about the nice threesome we could have had. That wasn't very kind of her. 569 00:43:21,597 --> 00:43:24,125 We could have had so much fun, the three of us. 570 00:43:25,933 --> 00:43:27,397 You are disgusting! 571 00:43:27,477 --> 00:43:32,435 Disgusting? Me? I doubt it, or else she's changed a lot. 572 00:43:33,479 --> 00:43:36,014 Angela loves threesomes very much! 573 00:43:36,094 --> 00:43:37,954 You have my word on it! 574 00:43:38,335 --> 00:43:40,769 Angela? Angela... of course! 575 00:43:42,953 --> 00:43:46,777 Angela, that slut! You're right, she's the best of her kind! 576 00:43:47,738 --> 00:43:49,559 Then why are you so angry? 577 00:43:50,622 --> 00:43:52,562 No, no... 578 00:43:52,642 --> 00:43:55,057 I'm not actually angry, I assure you. 579 00:43:55,933 --> 00:43:58,711 But I have to keep up appearances. 580 00:43:59,637 --> 00:44:03,816 You see, out of respect for my guests, I'll have to fire you at once. 581 00:44:09,061 --> 00:44:10,595 That's the sum I owe you. 582 00:44:10,675 --> 00:44:12,990 - Thank you, my Prince. - Now you must leave. 583 00:44:13,298 --> 00:44:15,550 Angela asked me to fire you. 584 00:44:17,250 --> 00:44:20,330 I'm sorry, but I'm forced to do this. 585 00:44:20,410 --> 00:44:23,805 I understand you. You can't ignore the desires of your guests. 586 00:44:23,885 --> 00:44:26,119 I'm delighted to have been at your service... 587 00:44:26,199 --> 00:44:28,265 ... and I'll carry wonderful memories of this time in your home. 588 00:44:31,036 --> 00:44:32,932 My respects to your daughter. 589 00:44:38,837 --> 00:44:40,790 What nice young men! 590 00:44:41,525 --> 00:44:44,135 - I nearly had a heart attack. - What a slut, that Angela! 591 00:44:44,215 --> 00:44:47,136 Why did she tell the Prince that I had raped her? 592 00:44:48,275 --> 00:44:51,234 I have some work for two unemployed butlers. 593 00:44:51,691 --> 00:44:54,638 That was the last straw! But yet, we went with her. 594 00:44:55,695 --> 00:44:57,608 I can tell the truth now ... 595 00:44:57,688 --> 00:44:59,867 ... that was the most explosive week-end of my entire life. 596 00:44:59,868 --> 00:45:01,731 Care mio! 597 00:45:01,790 --> 00:45:03,752 I was cured of my sexual problems. 598 00:45:03,832 --> 00:45:08,007 The next Monday morning, my valet and I returned home. 599 00:45:24,901 --> 00:45:26,667 How are you, my darling? 600 00:45:26,747 --> 00:45:29,763 You look so cute in that outfit! I got home two hours ago. 601 00:45:29,843 --> 00:45:31,861 You're not surprised to see me dressed like this? 602 00:45:31,941 --> 00:45:33,417 You know I'm very tolerant. 603 00:45:33,497 --> 00:45:36,376 I'm sure you have very good reasons to hide yourself behind a sofa, ... 604 00:45:36,456 --> 00:45:37,863 ... dressed like a servant. 605 00:45:37,970 --> 00:45:39,421 How can I explain? 606 00:45:39,501 --> 00:45:42,121 - I just wanted to wear... - Don't worry about it, my darling. 607 00:45:42,201 --> 00:45:43,878 You can do as you please. 608 00:45:43,958 --> 00:45:47,613 You don't have to explain yourself. I'm just happy to be back home. 609 00:45:48,091 --> 00:45:49,702 I'm happy to see you too. 610 00:45:49,782 --> 00:45:53,188 Please, not now... I have work to do. Don't be angry with me... 611 00:45:53,268 --> 00:45:56,541 ... and forgive me, but I'm in a hurry. 612 00:45:56,621 --> 00:46:00,936 I have a very important business meeting for which I have high hopes. 613 00:46:02,892 --> 00:46:05,005 - Are you free tonight? - Yes. 614 00:46:05,085 --> 00:46:07,729 Very well. If you want, we can have dinner together. 615 00:46:07,809 --> 00:46:09,882 - Well, of course. - I've invited the Takamate brothers. 616 00:46:09,962 --> 00:46:11,531 They're interested in my articles. 617 00:46:11,532 --> 00:46:13,388 We'll go to the Tajita, a Japanese restaurant. 618 00:46:13,389 --> 00:46:15,548 - Meet you there at eight. Alright? - Alright. 619 00:46:15,586 --> 00:46:18,546 Good, please be on time. And do me a favor. 620 00:46:18,626 --> 00:46:21,167 Don't come to the restaurant in that outfit. 621 00:46:21,247 --> 00:46:23,405 The Japanese might misunderstand. 622 00:46:34,336 --> 00:46:36,569 Customs have changed in Japan, you know. 623 00:46:37,107 --> 00:46:41,693 We women have buried the kimono, in favour of the monokini. 624 00:46:41,773 --> 00:46:44,768 Very good! Great powers like our two countries ... 625 00:46:44,848 --> 00:46:48,065 ... must continue to evolve despite these backward-looking Europeans. 626 00:46:56,250 --> 00:46:58,170 But they're so kind, don't you think? 627 00:47:00,942 --> 00:47:02,795 You like this dish, my darling? 628 00:47:02,875 --> 00:47:04,289 Yes, it's very good. 629 00:47:09,423 --> 00:47:10,750 What's he saying? 630 00:47:10,830 --> 00:47:13,776 He says that he's very happy to see that many Europeans ... 631 00:47:13,856 --> 00:47:16,681 ... have succeeded in overcoming their Western prejudices. 632 00:47:16,761 --> 00:47:17,906 What is that? 633 00:47:17,986 --> 00:47:20,140 Come on, it's monkey brain! 634 00:47:20,728 --> 00:47:22,692 It's one of their national dishes. 635 00:47:50,736 --> 00:47:52,411 What will you have, sir? 636 00:47:53,056 --> 00:47:55,333 A plate of testicles, please. 637 00:48:04,633 --> 00:48:06,369 Did you wash yourself? 638 00:48:06,844 --> 00:48:08,099 But I'm not dirty! 639 00:48:08,179 --> 00:48:10,034 You can't tell. What about germs? 640 00:48:10,114 --> 00:48:13,953 I don't have germs or syphilis or any other venereal disease. 641 00:48:14,033 --> 00:48:17,817 How can you be so sure? Come here. 642 00:48:18,993 --> 00:48:21,439 - What do you want to see? - Come closer. 643 00:48:23,298 --> 00:48:24,989 You have little pimples. 644 00:48:24,990 --> 00:48:27,118 You should see a specialist. 645 00:48:29,379 --> 00:48:31,350 But I just want to make love with you. 646 00:48:31,430 --> 00:48:33,965 Thank you, I'm very flattered. 647 00:48:34,359 --> 00:48:36,455 But go and see a doctor tomorrow. 648 00:48:36,535 --> 00:48:39,666 And if everything's okay, we'll make love tomorrow night. 649 00:48:39,746 --> 00:48:41,222 Wait a minute... 650 00:48:44,000 --> 00:48:45,495 Tomorrow... 651 00:48:46,966 --> 00:48:50,063 Yes, it's okay. Between 7 and 9 pm. 652 00:48:50,730 --> 00:48:53,007 After tomorrow, I'll be in Japan for a week. 653 00:48:53,245 --> 00:48:55,722 - It's very important. - So we do it now! 654 00:48:55,860 --> 00:49:00,302 If you insist, we can have some fondling and other foreplay. 655 00:49:00,512 --> 00:49:03,421 I'll also take this opportunity to have your sperm analysed. 656 00:49:07,601 --> 00:49:11,350 What? You're not tempted? 657 00:49:12,843 --> 00:49:14,642 No, I'll wait until tomorrow. 658 00:49:15,654 --> 00:49:18,164 One can never be too careful with gonococcus. 659 00:49:18,244 --> 00:49:21,604 Leave me alone! If I have gonococcus, they're mine. 660 00:49:21,684 --> 00:49:23,556 I'll do with them as I please! 661 00:49:27,999 --> 00:49:31,333 Here, read this. If the Doctor is not mistaken, I'm in perfect health. 662 00:49:31,709 --> 00:49:34,624 Are you happy? I even had his signature notorized. 663 00:49:35,481 --> 00:49:38,284 Well, darling, there's not a second to lose! 664 00:49:38,747 --> 00:49:41,757 We have exactly 55 minutes ahead of us. 665 00:49:43,427 --> 00:49:45,041 Alright. Just a moment. 666 00:49:52,870 --> 00:49:54,772 Come, come... 667 00:49:57,018 --> 00:49:59,008 Come, my darling, quickly... 668 00:50:09,457 --> 00:50:12,693 Say, you have pimples too. 669 00:50:12,773 --> 00:50:16,786 - Do you have your medical certificate? - Roland, you're being ridiculous, my darling. 670 00:50:16,787 --> 00:50:19,690 I can't be unhealthy. I'm an American! 671 00:50:19,769 --> 00:50:23,055 For a very long time we've enjoyed the benefits of prophylaxis. 672 00:50:23,135 --> 00:50:25,859 So you don't have a certificate? 673 00:50:26,679 --> 00:50:29,093 Then we'll make love when you return from Japan. 674 00:50:29,173 --> 00:50:31,019 After you have seen a specialist. 675 00:50:31,357 --> 00:50:33,740 "One can never be too careful about gonococcus." 676 00:50:34,973 --> 00:50:36,775 Good night, my angel. 677 00:51:03,335 --> 00:51:05,374 I'm listening, Count. 678 00:51:06,325 --> 00:51:08,578 You must find me another job. 679 00:51:09,203 --> 00:51:11,090 As far as possible from here. 680 00:51:15,907 --> 00:51:18,353 How about Portugal? 681 00:51:35,015 --> 00:51:36,329 This way, sir. 682 00:51:36,409 --> 00:51:38,400 This way, sir! There, in the back. 683 00:52:49,847 --> 00:52:51,911 - Which girl is it? - This one. 684 00:52:53,995 --> 00:52:56,691 - She has beautiful eyes. - Indeed, Count. 685 00:52:56,771 --> 00:52:58,686 Call me Roland, not Count, moron. 686 00:52:58,766 --> 00:53:00,656 Okay, Cou... sorry, Roland. 687 00:53:18,189 --> 00:53:19,696 So, she's okay for you, Roland? 688 00:53:20,241 --> 00:53:22,768 At least she won't ask me for a certificate. 689 00:53:22,980 --> 00:53:24,820 Then let's go and see the boss right now. 690 00:53:24,900 --> 00:53:26,638 It's him who'll have you hired by this broad. 691 00:53:26,639 --> 00:53:28,818 - What's his name? - Pirate Joe, a nice guy. 692 00:53:29,160 --> 00:53:31,550 Let's wait 'til the end of her show. 693 00:53:59,465 --> 00:54:01,751 What a headache! 694 00:54:03,209 --> 00:54:08,100 - Towel! Change my towel, dumb fuck! - Change his towel, dumb fuck! 695 00:54:10,204 --> 00:54:12,387 - What do you want, father? - To warn you. 696 00:54:12,467 --> 00:54:14,441 I have alarming news for you. 697 00:54:14,521 --> 00:54:17,649 Pigs is going to try and whack you in the next two days. 698 00:54:17,729 --> 00:54:19,181 You have to take some French leave. 699 00:54:19,215 --> 00:54:23,142 French leave. French leave... easy to say. 700 00:54:23,899 --> 00:54:25,394 But where? 701 00:54:27,522 --> 00:54:29,530 Crossing the border is impossible. 702 00:54:30,055 --> 00:54:34,701 You're right, your face is as well known as Raquel Welch's tits. 703 00:54:34,781 --> 00:54:39,024 And your picture is everywhere. They won't leave you alone until you're dead. 704 00:54:39,687 --> 00:54:42,034 - What! Say that again! - I was only joking, boss. 705 00:54:42,114 --> 00:54:43,664 Don't you see? 706 00:54:44,676 --> 00:54:47,680 It's a great idea, if I was officially dead ... 707 00:54:49,132 --> 00:54:50,435 ... they'd leave me alone. 708 00:54:50,436 --> 00:54:53,157 Right, and you won't need to flee, of course. 709 00:54:53,216 --> 00:54:55,831 - Moron, don't you get it? - To be honest, no... 710 00:54:58,545 --> 00:55:00,674 We have to find a guy ... 711 00:55:00,962 --> 00:55:02,732 ... with my build. 712 00:55:07,047 --> 00:55:09,506 We'll put him with Loulou in her house. 713 00:55:09,944 --> 00:55:11,833 My regular broad. 714 00:55:13,322 --> 00:55:15,203 And we whack them. 715 00:55:22,193 --> 00:55:25,057 We'll put my ring on the asshole's finger. 716 00:55:26,122 --> 00:55:27,961 Then set fire to the house! 717 00:55:33,849 --> 00:55:37,776 We'll set fire to the house so that Loulou and my double become unrecognizable. 718 00:55:41,851 --> 00:55:44,668 And we'll pay off the medical examiner. Isn't that a terrific plan? 719 00:55:44,748 --> 00:55:46,621 Well, we can give it a try. 720 00:55:46,622 --> 00:55:48,962 That way, I kill two birds with one stone. 721 00:55:49,579 --> 00:55:51,390 I vanish into thin air ... 722 00:55:55,110 --> 00:55:57,450 ... and I get rid of Loulou. 723 00:55:59,334 --> 00:56:01,079 She knows way too much. 724 00:56:01,261 --> 00:56:03,889 And she's getting to be a real pain in the ass! 725 00:56:05,021 --> 00:56:06,890 It's a good plan, right? 726 00:56:07,970 --> 00:56:09,847 It's great, but where will we find your stand-in? 727 00:56:09,927 --> 00:56:12,002 That's the main problem. Where should we look for him? 728 00:57:20,530 --> 00:57:22,834 She's supple. Could you do that? 729 00:57:43,514 --> 00:57:44,719 Would you like a table? 730 00:57:44,799 --> 00:57:47,622 No. Tell your boss that Malou the Breton wants to talk to him. 731 00:57:47,702 --> 00:57:50,270 You know the boss? And who is Malou? 732 00:57:50,350 --> 00:57:52,801 It's me. I sent him a letter, he's expecting me. 733 00:58:13,724 --> 00:58:16,370 - You can come see the boss. - Very good. Follow me. 734 00:58:25,551 --> 00:58:27,247 - Here's the two guys who... - Okay, okay... 735 00:58:27,822 --> 00:58:30,112 Bertrand Malou and Roland X. 736 00:58:30,481 --> 00:58:32,939 - What's the X for? - X is for... 737 00:58:33,019 --> 00:58:34,281 No, Count... 738 00:58:34,282 --> 00:58:36,828 - What did you say? - I said, Count. 739 00:58:37,258 --> 00:58:39,454 Sometimes I call him Count in private. 740 00:58:39,534 --> 00:58:43,539 It's rather odd, the X, the Count... 741 00:58:44,280 --> 00:58:46,146 What's your opinion, moron? 742 00:58:46,226 --> 00:58:47,461 Very odd... 743 00:58:47,462 --> 00:58:48,839 Get out of here! 744 00:58:49,525 --> 00:58:50,830 Wait! 745 00:58:53,471 --> 00:58:54,870 Don't move. 746 00:58:57,871 --> 00:58:59,867 This guy is perfect. 747 00:59:03,233 --> 00:59:05,379 - Right, men? - Very good. 748 00:59:06,284 --> 00:59:09,225 - Beautiful eyes... - Listen, I'm only an assistant butler. 749 00:59:09,305 --> 00:59:10,730 I don't sleep with the boss. 750 00:59:10,731 --> 00:59:13,764 Don't be mistaken, Pirate Joe isn't a fag. 751 00:59:13,823 --> 00:59:16,018 I have other reasons for being interested in you. 752 00:59:16,305 --> 00:59:18,764 - May I know them? - One thing at a time. 753 00:59:19,571 --> 00:59:22,738 Do you know Loulou Laverne? 754 00:59:22,818 --> 00:59:24,276 - No. - No. 755 00:59:24,356 --> 00:59:26,268 It's the girl out there doing the ... 756 00:59:26,599 --> 00:59:28,664 - Oh, that little slut! - She's my wife! 757 00:59:29,271 --> 00:59:31,969 I've bought her a little house and I want you to keep an eye on her. 758 00:59:32,049 --> 00:59:35,030 I'd like you to be her servants and her bodyguards. Is that clear? 759 00:59:35,110 --> 00:59:37,048 Yes, sir. Of course, we agree. 760 00:59:37,128 --> 00:59:39,100 Er... What about the money? 761 00:59:39,180 --> 00:59:42,848 10,000 francs a month plus room and board. Is that alright with you? 762 00:59:42,928 --> 00:59:45,030 Yes, sir, very good. When do we start? 763 00:59:45,110 --> 00:59:48,058 - At once, if that works for you. - No problem, Mr Joe. 764 00:59:48,138 --> 00:59:50,390 So go get your luggage and be back in an hour. 765 00:59:50,470 --> 00:59:53,480 Here's the key to a white Ford. It's parked in front of the stage door. 766 00:59:53,560 --> 00:59:54,924 - I'm entrusting you with the car. - Very good, sir. 767 00:59:55,004 --> 00:59:57,219 - Wait for Loulou outside, okay? - Okay, sir. 768 00:59:57,299 --> 00:59:59,258 And be on time. She's not very patient. 769 00:59:59,338 --> 01:00:01,288 Understood. Thank you, sir. 770 01:00:05,290 --> 01:00:07,200 That's it! That's it! 771 01:00:07,280 --> 01:00:09,271 I got it! I got my stand-in! 772 01:00:25,290 --> 01:00:28,014 - How are you, my darling? - Fine, hello... 773 01:00:30,110 --> 01:00:33,641 So, 'Pirate' Joe condescends to visit me like in the old days. 774 01:00:33,721 --> 01:00:35,693 Yes, darling, like in the old days. 775 01:00:35,773 --> 01:00:38,440 Nothing has changed. I love you like I did on the first day. 776 01:00:38,520 --> 01:00:42,019 It's sometimes nice to see the man you used to love again. 777 01:00:42,099 --> 01:00:43,576 What do you want from me? 778 01:00:43,577 --> 01:00:46,050 Don't try to bullshit me. I'm not up for it any more. 779 01:00:46,560 --> 01:00:48,755 Why these nasty remarks? 780 01:00:48,835 --> 01:00:50,263 Spill it. 781 01:00:50,343 --> 01:00:53,942 Yes, you're right. Let's lay our cards on the table. I need your help. 782 01:00:54,022 --> 01:00:57,346 I have just hired two morons to serve you and be your bodyguards. 783 01:00:57,946 --> 01:00:59,767 - I don't need them. - I know. 784 01:01:00,004 --> 01:01:02,088 You have to seduce the taller one. 785 01:01:02,795 --> 01:01:05,798 - What do you mean by "seduce"? - To get him into your bed, of course. 786 01:01:06,867 --> 01:01:08,303 And then? 787 01:01:08,541 --> 01:01:11,988 Around three in the morning both of you have to be in the barn. 788 01:01:12,307 --> 01:01:14,990 - In the barn? - You'll understand later. 789 01:01:16,542 --> 01:01:22,628 Whatever, I don't care about your reasons. I just want some dough if I take this job. 790 01:01:22,949 --> 01:01:25,190 - How much? - 25,000. 791 01:01:26,547 --> 01:01:28,580 Okay, darling. It's a deal. 792 01:01:29,844 --> 01:01:33,861 It must be important to you, if you don't argue with that amount. 793 01:01:37,257 --> 01:01:39,379 Yes, it's important to me. 794 01:01:40,250 --> 01:01:43,276 - I don't trust that guy. - Why? He's been kind to us. 795 01:01:43,356 --> 01:01:46,361 He gave us a 3,000 francs in advance. Isn't that enough for you? 796 01:01:46,441 --> 01:01:48,566 He's a gangster, I can tell. 797 01:02:00,250 --> 01:02:01,754 Good evening, Madame. 798 01:02:10,332 --> 01:02:12,852 - You're Roland? - Yes, Madame. 799 01:02:12,932 --> 01:02:15,894 - You're better thanl... - Sorry, Madame? 800 01:02:15,974 --> 01:02:18,197 Never mind. Get in the back of the car with me. 801 01:02:18,277 --> 01:02:21,807 - But I don't know if your servant can... - My bodyguard can. Come... 802 01:02:22,014 --> 01:02:24,341 As you wish, Madame. 803 01:02:28,597 --> 01:02:29,848 To my house. 804 01:02:30,943 --> 01:02:33,602 - Margina Street. - Of course, Madame. 805 01:03:02,610 --> 01:03:05,635 It's quite hot today. Don't you agree? 806 01:03:06,709 --> 01:03:07,930 Very hot. 807 01:03:09,462 --> 01:03:11,390 - Do you like my dress? - Yes. 808 01:03:11,734 --> 01:03:13,768 - It's cute. - I made it myself. 809 01:03:13,848 --> 01:03:16,223 Apparently it wasn't too difficult. But the idea is crazy! 810 01:03:17,065 --> 01:03:20,064 - I have lots of crazy ideas! - I can tell! 811 01:03:20,633 --> 01:03:22,533 - Did you notice? - What? 812 01:03:22,767 --> 01:03:25,373 My breasts are covered with glitter. Touch them... 813 01:03:33,130 --> 01:03:35,633 I'm always left out. It's not fair! 814 01:03:35,713 --> 01:03:39,303 Wait until we get home. You see, you'll get a nice surprise. 815 01:03:39,383 --> 01:03:40,780 Be patient... 816 01:04:04,561 --> 01:04:06,775 At least you won't be left out this time! 817 01:04:06,855 --> 01:04:09,004 It appears there's a lot of fun ahead for both of us. 818 01:04:09,084 --> 01:04:10,735 I think I'm going to enjoy my stay here. 819 01:04:10,815 --> 01:04:12,562 - Will you come with me? - Yes. 820 01:04:27,090 --> 01:04:28,494 Come with me, my big bad wolf. 821 01:04:28,574 --> 01:04:31,132 Let's get your luggage and then I'll show you your room. 822 01:04:31,212 --> 01:04:32,357 Oh yeah! 823 01:04:48,174 --> 01:04:50,327 - Pour me two cocktails, please. - Two? 824 01:04:50,407 --> 01:04:52,265 - Two. - As you wish, Madame. 825 01:05:12,630 --> 01:05:14,268 - Thanks. - And the other one? 826 01:05:14,269 --> 01:05:16,067 It's for you, stupid. 827 01:05:18,674 --> 01:05:19,968 Cheers! 828 01:05:25,668 --> 01:05:27,802 - Will you dance with me? - Yes, of course! 829 01:05:53,397 --> 01:05:56,479 The richer they are, the smaller the servants' rooms. 830 01:05:57,199 --> 01:06:01,639 Most of your time here will be spent in the house and garden. 831 01:06:01,719 --> 01:06:02,810 What about the evenings? 832 01:06:02,890 --> 01:06:05,968 In the evening you can come to my room if you want, and if you're sweet. 833 01:06:06,048 --> 01:06:07,334 Really? 834 01:06:07,355 --> 01:06:10,143 I rather like you. You're well built. 835 01:06:10,223 --> 01:06:12,573 And rather well hung too. 836 01:06:12,788 --> 01:06:14,077 That's fine with me. 837 01:06:14,978 --> 01:06:18,356 The least one can say is the women in this house work fast! 838 01:07:00,713 --> 01:07:03,122 That's funny. That guy looks like Al Capone. 839 01:07:03,785 --> 01:07:05,368 It is Al Capone. 840 01:07:07,519 --> 01:07:09,503 And the boy? That's his son? 841 01:07:10,030 --> 01:07:11,972 No. His nephew. 842 01:07:15,357 --> 01:07:16,764 How come... 843 01:07:17,589 --> 01:07:20,050 ... you have this picture here, so nicely framed? 844 01:07:20,646 --> 01:07:22,223 It's perfectly normal. 845 01:07:22,303 --> 01:07:24,110 - Normal? - Yes. 846 01:07:24,278 --> 01:07:26,651 The boy in the picture is Joe. 847 01:07:29,524 --> 01:07:30,863 If I've understood... 848 01:07:31,546 --> 01:07:34,137 ... then 'Pirate' Joe is my boss, your boss ... 849 01:07:34,217 --> 01:07:37,038 ... and Al Capone's nephew, too? 850 01:07:37,118 --> 01:07:39,599 Exactly. Why should that matter to you? 851 01:07:39,679 --> 01:07:41,823 Sorry, but a bullet in the belly matters to me! 852 01:07:41,903 --> 01:07:44,089 What if he finds us here dancing together? 853 01:07:44,169 --> 01:07:46,350 The fact that Al Capone is his Godfather... 854 01:07:46,493 --> 01:07:48,563 The Godfather! What a frightening movie! 855 01:07:48,689 --> 01:07:51,426 Saying the title alone gives me the creeps! 856 01:07:51,506 --> 01:07:53,154 I'm sorry, darling ... 857 01:07:53,647 --> 01:07:57,356 ... the night was looking good, but you have to put yourself in my shoes. 858 01:07:57,436 --> 01:08:02,294 I like you, but I don't want to find my friend Malou decapitated in his bed. 859 01:08:02,642 --> 01:08:05,270 - Oh, come on, silly boy... - I'm not silly at all! 860 01:08:05,350 --> 01:08:09,110 What makes you think that my Joe might harm you? 861 01:08:09,190 --> 01:08:11,905 Look at his ugly mug! I don't need a gypsy fortune teller to know my future. 862 01:08:11,985 --> 01:08:14,141 You know, him and his women... 863 01:08:14,221 --> 01:08:17,076 Some guys look like big machos and all, ... 864 01:08:18,086 --> 01:08:19,634 ... when in fact ... 865 01:08:19,714 --> 01:08:23,094 What? Him? You mean he's a... 866 01:08:23,174 --> 01:08:24,563 - No! - Yes! 867 01:08:24,643 --> 01:08:25,803 With a face like that? 868 01:08:25,883 --> 01:08:30,181 You think I would stand here naked in your arms if there were any danger? 869 01:10:20,290 --> 01:10:22,748 - Is there someone else here? - Are you nuts? 870 01:10:22,828 --> 01:10:24,774 You can see we're all alone. 871 01:10:26,194 --> 01:10:27,952 To whom were you signaling? 872 01:10:28,032 --> 01:10:30,230 - Don't lie, I saw you! - Come on! 873 01:10:30,843 --> 01:10:35,574 When I'm aroused by a handsome man like you I have some tics. It's just nerves. 874 01:10:35,654 --> 01:10:38,893 It's crazy how many people have nervous tics in this movie! 875 01:10:38,973 --> 01:10:42,008 Come... my love. 876 01:10:47,716 --> 01:10:52,464 Come... come... my darling! 877 01:11:11,270 --> 01:11:13,470 Go away! Scram! 878 01:11:15,802 --> 01:11:18,217 Go away! Get out! 879 01:11:18,297 --> 01:11:20,148 What's the matter with you? 880 01:11:20,912 --> 01:11:23,239 Blame it on the excitement. 881 01:11:23,627 --> 01:11:25,850 - I'm so excited... - I would say nervous... 882 01:11:25,930 --> 01:11:27,745 Is it because you're afraid of him? 883 01:11:27,825 --> 01:11:30,145 You're afraid he may come barging in here and pump us full of lead? 884 01:11:30,146 --> 01:11:33,530 No, no, I swear... I swear, we're completely safe. 885 01:11:33,923 --> 01:11:37,064 - Come to me, my love... - No! 886 01:11:40,972 --> 01:11:42,799 Just a moment. Wait here, darling. 887 01:11:45,570 --> 01:11:47,372 Go to hell, you bastards! 888 01:12:08,072 --> 01:12:09,855 Come, my love... 889 01:12:11,026 --> 01:12:13,622 Come, my big bear, give me all you've got. 890 01:12:19,500 --> 01:12:21,345 Oh, my teddy bear... 891 01:12:23,435 --> 01:12:25,400 Now you can sleep in peace. 892 01:12:25,806 --> 01:12:27,439 You, come with me. 893 01:12:36,493 --> 01:12:38,645 Well, there's a nice pair of sluts! 894 01:12:50,660 --> 01:12:53,285 Darling, tell our handsome Apollo ... 895 01:12:53,365 --> 01:12:55,769 ... about 'Pirate' Joe's sexual preferences. 896 01:12:55,849 --> 01:12:58,345 Oh, Joe? But he's a fag! 897 01:13:00,692 --> 01:13:03,605 You see? He's okay with me having sex with men he knows. 898 01:13:03,685 --> 01:13:05,253 That's why he hired you. 899 01:13:05,570 --> 01:13:07,870 Perhaps, but that picture puts me off. 900 01:13:14,713 --> 01:13:15,714 And now? 901 01:13:17,310 --> 01:13:19,161 Bring me another Scotch. 902 01:13:37,930 --> 01:13:40,526 Please massage me. I need to relax. 903 01:14:21,244 --> 01:14:24,042 - They're supposed to go to the barn now! - Yeah, I know... 904 01:16:16,310 --> 01:16:18,537 - Who screamed? - It was me, my love. 905 01:16:18,925 --> 01:16:20,997 I always scream when I'm coming. 906 01:16:21,210 --> 01:16:22,470 Continue... 907 01:16:37,460 --> 01:16:40,868 "GO TO THE BARN!" 908 01:16:41,680 --> 01:16:43,441 To the barn! 909 01:16:45,869 --> 01:16:47,959 - What? What did you say? - To the barn? 910 01:16:48,039 --> 01:16:49,883 - Why? It's more comfortable here. - We must go there! 911 01:16:49,884 --> 01:16:51,216 What a strange idea... 912 01:16:57,616 --> 01:16:58,836 Tell them why! 913 01:16:58,916 --> 01:17:00,757 To have sex in a ... 914 01:17:01,070 --> 01:17:02,810 ... a more primitive way. 915 01:17:02,890 --> 01:17:04,469 It will be more bestial in the straw! 916 01:17:04,470 --> 01:17:10,090 What a wonderful idea! It's the perfect place for a threesome! 917 01:17:11,210 --> 01:17:15,007 - What are we supposed to do now? - Listen. You take care of the fat one. 918 01:17:15,087 --> 01:17:18,403 As we agreed, I'll wait for the boss in the garden. 919 01:17:18,616 --> 01:17:22,730 The word now is caution and efficiency. 920 01:17:23,050 --> 01:17:24,772 You never had sex in straw? 921 01:17:24,852 --> 01:17:26,343 No, never. 922 01:17:26,431 --> 01:17:29,465 You don't know what you're missing, my darling. You'll see... 923 01:17:29,545 --> 01:17:34,015 ... how good it is to have sex with straw tickling your ass. 924 01:17:34,095 --> 01:17:36,022 Come on, let's go. Quick! 925 01:17:40,403 --> 01:17:42,790 And you? Have you had sex in the straw? 926 01:17:57,121 --> 01:17:59,763 Oh la la, those sluts! 927 01:20:05,702 --> 01:20:08,580 Water tastes like shit! 928 01:20:18,400 --> 01:20:21,310 Now we have thieves! That's the last straw! Shit! 929 01:20:30,534 --> 01:20:32,981 They're not thieves, they're voyeurs! 930 01:20:34,029 --> 01:20:35,947 You want to see something, bastards! 931 01:21:03,676 --> 01:21:05,485 Ah, yes, both of you! 932 01:21:08,137 --> 01:21:09,889 So you like it? 933 01:21:09,969 --> 01:21:12,523 I love it! It's wonderful ... 934 01:21:12,797 --> 01:21:15,287 ... with the straw tickling us! 935 01:21:17,045 --> 01:21:18,834 It's wonderful! 936 01:22:15,030 --> 01:22:16,414 Well, bastard, ... 937 01:22:20,881 --> 01:22:24,210 ... that's the last time we cross paths. I'm fed up with you. 938 01:22:24,610 --> 01:22:26,124 Aren't you ashamed of yourself? 939 01:22:27,463 --> 01:22:29,434 Bastard! You're disgusting! 940 01:22:39,172 --> 01:22:40,523 Hello? 941 01:22:40,880 --> 01:22:42,131 Hello? 942 01:22:42,806 --> 01:22:44,320 Police? 943 01:22:44,427 --> 01:22:46,899 I want to talk to an Inspector, please. 944 01:23:10,144 --> 01:23:11,495 Shit! 945 01:23:22,944 --> 01:23:24,777 I'm still thirsty! 946 01:23:51,868 --> 01:23:54,189 What are you doing in here? You were supposed to be waiting outside. 947 01:23:57,111 --> 01:23:59,457 He's asleep. What a moron! 948 01:24:33,460 --> 01:24:36,007 What's this gas can doing here? 949 01:24:36,087 --> 01:24:37,577 This place is a mess. 950 01:25:25,896 --> 01:25:30,044 Again! That guy is persistent, but I'm going to nail him permanently this time! 951 01:25:41,130 --> 01:25:43,019 Hey, where's the can? 952 01:25:44,928 --> 01:25:46,880 Stop this nonsense, moron! 953 01:25:47,197 --> 01:25:49,067 Give me my can! 954 01:26:23,955 --> 01:26:26,332 This time, my friend, you're good for a long night's sleep! 955 01:26:30,265 --> 01:26:32,210 Shit! So there were two guys! 956 01:26:32,370 --> 01:26:35,185 Voyeurs grow like mushrooms around here! 957 01:26:45,740 --> 01:26:48,012 Hey! Do you hear that? 958 01:26:48,638 --> 01:26:51,855 - It sounds like a police car siren. - You've seen too many movies, my darling. 959 01:26:51,935 --> 01:26:54,327 You imagine mobsters and cops everywhere. 960 01:27:12,296 --> 01:27:13,506 Another one!! 961 01:27:13,507 --> 01:27:16,423 Did they distribute leaflets for a sound and light show, or what! 962 01:27:16,482 --> 01:27:18,446 As a bodyguard, I have my duty! 963 01:27:51,638 --> 01:27:54,391 I swear, Inspector, I really didn't know it was my boss peeping! 964 01:27:54,471 --> 01:27:57,242 It's very good, my boy. You've done your duty as an honest citizen. 965 01:27:57,322 --> 01:27:59,769 If you see any more voyeurs, don't hesitate to call us again! 966 01:28:05,103 --> 01:28:06,553 Let's go, Joe. 967 01:28:06,554 --> 01:28:08,953 This time, we caught you with your hand in the bag. 968 01:28:16,043 --> 01:28:19,315 You'll be convicted for an armed attack on a private property. 969 01:28:19,547 --> 01:28:21,073 You're facing serious charges. 970 01:28:21,142 --> 01:28:22,656 You're a dead duck! 971 01:28:31,009 --> 01:28:32,936 Have a nice trip! 972 01:28:37,835 --> 01:28:41,188 I don't get it. I knock out my boss and the police congratulate me. 973 01:28:43,967 --> 01:28:46,050 Well, speaking of mobsters... what time is it? 974 01:28:46,375 --> 01:28:48,549 - Nine o' clock. - Nine o' clock? 975 01:28:48,629 --> 01:28:51,640 Then I think it's pointless to stay here any longer. 976 01:28:51,720 --> 01:28:53,371 Why this sudden change of heart? 977 01:28:53,372 --> 01:28:55,541 You were so insistant that we come here earlier. 978 01:28:55,600 --> 01:29:00,212 Well, it was fun for a while, but I think we'll be more comfy in my room now. 979 01:29:00,613 --> 01:29:02,777 - Alright? - Let's go then. 980 01:29:12,471 --> 01:29:13,675 She was so adorable. 981 01:29:13,676 --> 01:29:16,407 We remained prisoners of that devilish woman for seven days and seven nights. 982 01:29:16,408 --> 01:29:19,873 But at the end of the seventh day we had to return to the fold. 983 01:29:20,357 --> 01:29:22,370 My wife had already returned from Japan. 984 01:29:22,772 --> 01:29:24,573 And for the whole evening ... 985 01:29:24,653 --> 01:29:28,535 ... I had to escort her on a painful tour of Parisian sex-shops. 986 01:29:35,436 --> 01:29:38,848 She was in heaven, contemplating a sex wave engulfing the entire world, ... 987 01:29:38,928 --> 01:29:41,404 ... as if the P.S.A. had invented eroticism. 988 01:32:17,280 --> 01:32:18,475 Have a seat. 989 01:32:22,706 --> 01:32:24,921 - I'm ready. - Okay, take notes, darling. 990 01:32:25,690 --> 01:32:29,213 First, we need 100 dildos like this one. 991 01:32:29,293 --> 01:32:32,882 - It's selling well, isn't it? - Very well, we're always out of stock. 992 01:32:32,962 --> 01:32:36,064 Especially the latest model, the one with moveable testicles. 993 01:32:36,144 --> 01:32:37,226 Yes... 994 01:32:37,430 --> 01:32:38,710 And then? 995 01:32:38,790 --> 01:32:44,128 Then we need 500 copies of the last annual of Zob-Zob magazine. 996 01:32:44,616 --> 01:32:47,350 Our customers always exhaust our stock in a few hours. 997 01:32:47,638 --> 01:32:50,770 On the other hand, condoms... 998 01:32:50,850 --> 01:32:52,790 Sales have declined? 999 01:32:53,133 --> 01:32:54,883 To their lowest. 1000 01:32:54,963 --> 01:32:59,334 Except for the model with the tickling liquid. 1001 01:32:59,414 --> 01:33:01,695 It's a real success. 1002 01:33:01,696 --> 01:33:03,624 - Let's say a thousand? - Okay, a thousand. 1003 01:33:03,625 --> 01:33:06,481 - And the vibrators? - A complete flop. 1004 01:33:06,543 --> 01:33:09,202 We have a new model, a very interesting one. 1005 01:33:09,688 --> 01:33:11,565 With a propeller. 1006 01:33:12,210 --> 01:33:15,244 Let's try it. It might work. 1007 01:33:15,720 --> 01:33:18,041 Let's say 150. 1008 01:33:19,080 --> 01:33:20,833 How much does it cost? 1009 01:33:20,939 --> 01:33:24,086 100 francs. 150 francs for the tourniquet model. 1010 01:33:24,166 --> 01:33:25,994 It's completely different. 1011 01:33:26,464 --> 01:33:29,016 Okay, and let's add 150 hydraulic models, too. 1012 01:33:31,928 --> 01:33:33,774 Do you have some novelties? 1013 01:33:33,854 --> 01:33:35,689 That's the surprise of the day! 1014 01:33:35,920 --> 01:33:38,254 As you will see, it's a marvellous invention. 1015 01:33:38,334 --> 01:33:39,955 Just a moment. 1016 01:33:43,782 --> 01:33:46,359 What's so extraordinary about it? 1017 01:33:54,591 --> 01:33:57,613 That's cute. I like it. 1018 01:34:08,912 --> 01:34:10,957 I'll take 100. 1019 01:34:32,429 --> 01:34:34,982 The Countess leaves for the U.S. tomorrow, doesn't she? 1020 01:34:35,062 --> 01:34:37,455 - Yes, apparently. - The Count is staying here? 1021 01:34:37,535 --> 01:34:39,784 - Of course. - I have a job for you, Count. 1022 01:34:39,864 --> 01:34:42,383 Some charming Canadians. A high-class family. 1023 01:34:42,463 --> 01:34:45,020 The mother and daughter are beautiful, and the maid is simply smashing! 1024 01:34:45,100 --> 01:34:46,579 You could have a good time with them. 1025 01:34:46,659 --> 01:34:49,078 - What about you? You're not coming? - I can't, I'm going to get married, Count. 1026 01:34:49,250 --> 01:34:52,495 - My fianc�e just arrived from Karnak. - So you fell into the trap, too! 1027 01:34:52,575 --> 01:34:54,991 Just another cunt. Oh, sorry, Count. 1028 01:34:55,196 --> 01:34:58,236 My best wishes to you, Malou. I hope you'll be very happy with her. 1029 01:34:58,316 --> 01:35:01,410 Thank you, Count. So, will you take the job with the Canadians? 1030 01:35:01,490 --> 01:35:04,755 Why not? It has to be less boring than staying here. 1031 01:35:10,414 --> 01:35:14,606 And that's how I fell into the hands of that detestable family... 1032 01:35:15,219 --> 01:35:19,787 ... where even the father had the most sordid lust towards my poor person. 1033 01:35:25,368 --> 01:35:31,219 It has been, until now, my last adventure. 1034 01:35:48,523 --> 01:35:50,462 - Good morning, Count. - What time is it? 1035 01:35:50,542 --> 01:35:53,560 Nearly noon. Your wife is back. She didn't want to wake you. 1036 01:35:53,640 --> 01:35:55,361 - She's in the library. - In the library? 1037 01:35:55,549 --> 01:35:57,727 Shit! I forgot to hide my memoirs. 1038 01:35:57,807 --> 01:35:59,130 - The green notebook? - Yes. 1039 01:35:59,210 --> 01:36:02,030 - I'm afraid she's reading it now. - Shit! Shit! 1040 01:36:11,017 --> 01:36:13,768 Come in. Come in, darling. 1041 01:36:13,848 --> 01:36:15,942 - You... you read this? - Yes! 1042 01:36:16,022 --> 01:36:18,381 It's not entirely true, darling... 1043 01:36:18,461 --> 01:36:22,030 But it's terrific! It will be the best-seller of the year! 1044 01:36:22,110 --> 01:36:24,986 Are you crazy? You don't intend to publish my memoirs? 1045 01:36:25,066 --> 01:36:27,939 It's too intimate, too private. 1046 01:36:28,019 --> 01:36:31,367 You must be joking! It will be the ideal complement to the films! 1047 01:36:32,506 --> 01:36:33,913 The films? What films? 1048 01:36:33,993 --> 01:36:35,734 I'm sorry. Did you call me? 1049 01:36:35,814 --> 01:36:37,755 Come in, Malou. This involves you, too. 1050 01:36:38,662 --> 01:36:41,247 Thanks to the films you've become very popular, darling. 1051 01:36:41,327 --> 01:36:44,634 You're the number one male porn star. 1052 01:36:44,714 --> 01:36:47,680 Ahead of Linda Lovelace and Tina Russell at the box-office. 1053 01:36:48,318 --> 01:36:49,608 It's not true! 1054 01:36:49,688 --> 01:36:53,111 I turned you into a star. The sexiest man in the world. 1055 01:36:53,191 --> 01:36:55,095 How did you manage to shoot all those pictures? 1056 01:36:55,175 --> 01:36:59,419 Everything was staged and set up by me, with Malou's help. 1057 01:36:59,499 --> 01:37:01,520 Judas! And the girls? 1058 01:37:01,600 --> 01:37:03,216 - I paid them. - The mob guys, too? 1059 01:37:03,296 --> 01:37:05,699 No, he was an amateur. We had to improvise with him. 1060 01:37:05,779 --> 01:37:08,346 How did you manage to put all this sordid filth on film? 1061 01:37:08,426 --> 01:37:12,210 Very simple. The camera was hidden behind one-way mirrors. 1062 01:37:12,290 --> 01:37:15,703 - It's a trick as old as the hills. - That's why you put on that farce, ... 1063 01:37:15,885 --> 01:37:18,863 - ... with the certificates and the examination. - Of course. 1064 01:37:20,089 --> 01:37:22,911 To give you the urge to make love during my absence. 1065 01:37:23,468 --> 01:37:24,990 You're a slut! 1066 01:37:32,847 --> 01:37:34,617 Come, darling, hurry... 1067 01:37:43,039 --> 01:37:47,190 Come on, darling. Quickly... Don't worry, the film series is finished. 1068 01:37:47,270 --> 01:37:49,361 - You swear? You're sure? - Yes, darling. 1069 01:37:49,441 --> 01:37:50,785 Good! 1070 01:38:40,082 --> 01:38:42,252 Subtitles adapted from the original work by aloysius70 and suckmysound 85591