Original subtitles

Hello, anybody sitting there?

No, quite the contrary.

Damn!

Dad, when will you become a real Bavarian like L�libauer, with a feather on the hat?

- Who says that I'm not a Bavarian? - Mom.

Last night mom said that you should put your flabby brush in your hat instead.

You little pest!

- Mayor, does this privy belong to your farm? - Yes, of course.

Are you absolutely sure that it belongs to your farm?

Yes, everybody knows that you silly goose.

- So it's actually your privy? - Yes, damn it!

I just wanted to say that it's no paper left in there.

Next time you can shit at the hotel!

Is it true that the hotel has been sold?

Yes. And you know who has bought it? Niki Moser.

- Niki? He has no money. - No, but I have.

Niki will be my son in law.

- Shall he marry Maria? - Yes, the wedding is in three weeks.

I don't believe that.

- Marianne! - What is it, father?

Dress up! This isn't a forest!

Granny doesn't believe that you and Niki are getting married.

- Yes, in three weeks. - What do you say now, he?

I would like to see your children... The first one you can probably throw away.

You're just jealous because you're still a virgin!

Then I would have felt ashamed...

Dad, what's difference between a Porsche and a virgin?

None. Both are difficult to come into, but inside it's very fine.

I didn't order fly soup. Rosi! It's a fly in the soup.

Quiet, otherwise, all guests have one.

My coffee is cold.

Replace with him then. He thinks that the beer is too warm.

You can eat the soup yourself.

- Do you have frog legs? - No, I always walk like that.

Give me a light beer! I don't wanna see dark things.

- Get used, you'll soon marry. - It seems to suit you.

Are you going to marry Marianne?

Her father lent me 400000. Otherwise I could not buy the hotel.

- In the dark all cats are black. - So she's not black.

Strau would like her... Have you slept with her?

- No. You, then? - No, not yet.

Pitty. You're the only one in the village who hasn't slept with her.

I know at least a dozen more!

A couple waits well until after the wedding.

She is unrestrained, Marianne. But nice.

Yes. But I don't wanna marry her.

- Why don't you take a bank loan? - What did you say? A bank loan?

Then you can pay back the debt to Mayor and get rid of Marianne.

Toni, it solves everything!

FINANCING

- How did it go? - Not at all. It's constituted.

- I read that the government gives loans. - The newspapers write a lot.

I read that one can give a dead person a syringe and chat with him for 30 min.

- That's cool. - Yes, but they don't reply.

Joy-killer.

But the state actually gives people money, For example, for sports.

You can do something for the sport. Change the hotel into a training studio!

Sauna and swimming pool has it already. Missing just a few training widgets.

- Pays the state for such? - Yes.

In a couple of weeks you need to hire someone to count money for you.

If it should go this way, Toni... the Mayor can embalm his Marianne!

- We go home. Niki is so stubborn. - Not if it comes to my money!

But dad, if he doesn't want...

Either he pays back now, or he'll marry you tomorrow.

Not a guest... Wondering why I even have open!

For staff. Are we nothing?

But you are. I didn't know you were so well built.

Is the sauna heated? I have to sweat off a pound.

- No, I take a sauna alone. - Don't be so boring.

But if you behave and don't turn on the light, you can join.

Good, then we do it in the dark!

- You first, you. I'll be right there. - Don't let me wait too long!

Marianne!

Looking for Niki? He waits in the sauna. But don't make light.

- Is he so shy? - Yes, you know him.

Okay, then we'll talk in the dark.

Niki? Niki?

It's me, Niki. Don't be nervous.

Don't laugh, gentlemen. In the cold water yours would also be shrunk.

Take care, pinhead! Your prospective father in law is here.

- Just missing... What does he want? - Have a beer. Where is Rosi?

- She is in the sauna. - Naked?

I was just there. Now I don't want any more.

- Go in and go on washing for me! - Certainly.

- Marianne, are you already in the sauna? - Yes, Niki.

I'll be right in.

- Hurry - I come.

Here I am, sweetie.

I like flying especially if there are pretty stewards.

Without the plane, I had never come to Africa. All-inclusive, really everything!

And nine months later, I was father.

When I went to Africa again one year later, Marianne said "Daddy" to me!

It was wonderful! And the girl is becoming beautiful... Just like her father.

- And if she marries Niki... - Hey, mayor.

- Hi, Niki. When will you marry? - When Marianne wants.

There, the mayor. Brand new.

Aren't you in the sauna?

- I sent Toni. - And I sent in Marianne.

Marianne is in the sauna with Toni?

And such a one should I marry?

Come on, maybe it hasn't happened anything. In the sauna never happens...

All the time these women's stories. Such things don't happen to me.

Get me a beer too, steward.

Marianne!

- Meathead! What were you doing with my girl? - Nothing!

- What did you do with her? - We just sat in the sauna!

Nothing happened, I promise.

Now you say the truth! Nothing happened.

Do you call it "nothing"?

Do not laugh. And you do not hiss up. You are no saint yourself.

Now, when will you marry?

Maybe after the third child.

- Why don't you say anything? - What shall I say?

Whatever. Rather something stupid than nothing.

This marriage was my father's idea, not mine.

- Does it make any difference? - Yes. I don't want to marry you.

- Won't you marry me? - No. Why should I do that?

So bad I'm not.

Yes, very bad. The hotel goes bad and your potency...

- At that point, everything is as it should! - The girls in the village see it different.

- Who? - Doesn't matter. But nobody cheered.

- I can't compete with you. - You are too hard on girls.

That's something else. I am a man.

And I am a woman. I'll have fun rather before marriage.

Back to the topic, then.

Do not talk nonsense! Figure out something so so we don't have to get married instead!

- Like what? - How is your training center doing?

Fucking bad. Or... "OK" would be an exaggeration.

- So you can not pay back? - No. We have only two guests.

Egi! Now we have been married for three weeks and you just sleep!

- Don't you want any children? - Yes, children would be nice.

But to make them...

If you don't lie with me now, I'll get the first man I find!

Please, bring one to me too!

Mule...

- Have you agreed with Marianne? - Yes, that we won't marry.

- Won't she have you? - No.

It's your fault. You and your fitness center... It ruins me!

It's not my fault that It's recession now.

The opposite of boom. Do you understand?

Boom means sports car champagne and a super woman.

Recession means tram, mineral water and... Josefa.

Holy heck! Then I rather take boom.

Buy glasses, blind man! Damned idiot!

Go the streets like normal people, Josefa!

I don't need. I have my pension.

I'll vomit soon. Bills, bills. Everyone wants money from me!

You owe me 500 too.

- Do you know what you can do with me? - Certainly... If you wash yourself first.

How is the loan, Niki? Has the General Secretary said anything?

No, it has been four weeks now.

For government employees, it's like four days. We have good time.

Be kind. Good that you disappear.

No, you scrap dealers!

Stop! It's my car!

The monsters tow away my car.

- How you mean? - There.

If the secretary don't touches it, call him.

- Where is the number to the Ministry? - In the telephone directory.

Wilma! Wilma!

- Yes? - Turn off the phone!

- But Mr. Secretary, I thought... - In the ministry one thinks not!

Wait! Who is it at the phone?

- Niki Moser, a hotel owner... - I know. Put me over to him.

Wiesinger.

Yes, of course. I have your folder here.

There it is. No, it was another...

A moment.

Maybe...

Perhaps it's among urgent cases.

Unfortunately not.

- But Mr. Secretary, when... - It was not there, unfortunately.

Yes... We still discuss the matter.

Here is Moser's folder.

I would rather see you naked...

It doesn't work as you have imagined.

We make no loans, only subsidies.

Even better. It's a loan that one don't have to pay back.

Nothing is free in life, young man. But in a way you are right.

However, a subsidy has different assumptions.

Firstly, is the hotel fully booked?

Fully?

- It's not just fully... - Jerk!

It's over-booked for several months.

It pleases me. The other terms we can discuss in private.

No, I come to you. You should be able to arrange a room?

A large, nice room with balcony and bathroom.

I'm probably not alone. Bye.

- Do you have plans for the weekend, Wilma? - No, Mr. Secretary.

I stand at your disposal.

Excellent. Then go and sleep early on Sunday-

- So you for once come on time Monday!

Hi, honey. Is everything okay?

It's me, your tomcat. We go away for the weekend.

Really! The whole weekend?

Hope it's not raining. Two days in bed?

You then have planned... Where shall we? To Venice?

In Venice are even the beds damp It will be a surprise

Certainly a surprise, tomcat. This weekend you will remember.

- Is it the secretary's wife? - What did you say? My husband?! No!

The scoundrel!

And he said to me... In the act? Where is it?

Yes, of course.

Very good.

Relax, I'll ruin the trip for him. Thanks!

This is your chance to get on your feet again, Niki.

- The hotel should only be full. - Why?

- We will bring our guests here. - Where from, then?

You're looking in the village and me in town.

Hello, sweeties...

- Can we join? - We are the good people!

- Hello there! - We come from Sweden!

I try alone. Hide over there!

Say you come from Sweden! It works well down here.

Hello there! Want to join?

- Are you going to Innsbruck? - Not all the way, but jump in.

it looks like it's pure Christmas.

Five rather than none at all.

- Nice that we can be with you. - I'm always kind to pregnant women.

- We are not pregnant. - You aren't yet in Innsbruck.

If you come to Sweden, we will reciprocate it.

You can do it here in Bavaria as well. On the back, of course.

Zenzi?

Zenzi?

What do you want?

Mrs. Fischer... I want to go fishing with your daughter.

- My name isn't Fisher, but Vogler. - Yes, but I didn't wanna be rude.

So you want to fuck? Learn to fly first in that case!

Shit!

- We have arrived. - Can we really live here for free?

- I am generous with Nikis money. - All my friends want to come here!

Enter there, then. Bavarians really like Swedish girls.

Hey, cutie.

- Uncle Eginhard! - Betty! What are you doing here?

I wonder the same about you.

I am here on honeymoon.

Have you married? That I never thought.

- One time it had to happen. - Where is she? Is it really a woman?

Of course. What do you think about me?

- Excuse me, uncle. Is she beautiful? - Mom likes her.

Should I make him jealous? Do you really think it helps?

If you say it, so. I can try.

And I'm longing so for it...

The hotel is top. It has a pool too.

This is something else than boring hostels.

Can we really live here for free?

Yes. You just have to train a bit when the General Secretary arrives.

Rosi! The beds need to be made first.

Rosi? Postman... Where is Rosi?

She doesn't want to be disturbed right now. She eats breakfast.

She always eats when you need her.

Yes, Mom. I'll do everything I can.

Sure, Mom.

There will be someone! We'll talk later.

- Hello. - Hello...

I was going to make your bed.

Really? Do it, then.

It might be better to do it later.

When you want to.

I will!

Cheers, then.

We began the journey down the valley, but it was hard in the mountains.

Reverse: I started in the mountains and got something hard in the valley.

Don't forget that you are married, Uncle Egi.

You must meet your new aunt. I'll get her.

That was...

Come on! Come! Come!

Come, I say!

I'm here! If we allow, I would like to be with.

No!

What are you looking for? Out, this isn't for kids.

I fill 13 in the morning.

Really, so old? Then you have to have a gift.

- Buy a Tampax to me! - Do you know what it is?

Something cool!

They said that one can ride a bike, climb, ski, swim and dance with them.

The first floor is full. Now I need...

What is it, Niki?

Do you know that you have a very nice body?

You talk, you.

See on the guest list! What more do you need?

- Men. - Well, some I can get.

Division stop!

Make quarters!

Marianne, you are really top.

Now nothing can go wrong. The Secretary can come.

When I touch you like that, I'm getting hungry.

- Can't you wait? - No, how could I?

Where are you going?

I know a place where we can be completely undisturbed.

Is not it wonderful? A picnic outdoors.

With a beautiful woman...

Let it be! Lie down and let me spoil you instead!

Your wish is my pleasure. Here is the wine.

Here comes the appetizer: Cr�me � la Oberbayern.

Hi, Niki! It's long time since you were here.

To cap your mane we need a mower.

Keep up... You with your spike.

- Just take a few millimeters, understand? - I'm doing fine up to the wedding.

- What about your bride? - Thanks, she is alive.

Have you heard this? A Negro went to the doctor and said...

Wife. What is it, honey?

- Have I got a partner for the play? - No, not yet...

- I'm tired of only training with you. - Do you think I like it?

You are leader of the theater association. Do something, then!

As you will, darling.

You would be the right person to play against my wife.

She's crazy with theater, and I have promised to arrange a partner for her.

With Marie I play for free. But not with your wife.

- Someone must play the role! - Not me. Take a tourist or something!

You're absolutely right. You have a full hotel!

OK, I look for, but I can't promise anything.

So nice they are.

See, tomcat. Isn't it beautiful? It costs only 400 D-Mark.

It is far too expensive.

You can take it off me then...

Come on!

"I like your dark blond hair. "

"I think about you when sitting and standing. "

"Come to my breast, beloved husband... "

Heinz! Where is my partner?

- What should he do? - Have you found someone or not?

Of course, he comes soon. Niki promised to bring a fine lover.

Good. And until he comes you'll exercise with me.

No, honey... Not me!

- Isn't it beautiful? - Adorable!

I have matching socks too.

- I pay myself. - Excellent.

I ask for Niki Moser so long.

Best to ask the hairdresser. Hairdressers know everything.

See you soon.

- "What do you want? It's all late. " - "Time passes, his conscience is clean. "

- "I want to talk, but can only gape. " - "Out with the speech, little ape. "

"Apple", not ape.

"Speak when... " This crunching makes me mad!

No excuses now! Say the last sentence again!

I can shave. If you want a hair cut, I must get the boss.

- I'll get the boss. - No, I will ask about something else.

You probably know the hotel owned by Niki Moser?

So, Niki has sent you? Boss' wife is waiting for you.

"What do you find teasing with me, Darling? "

- Boss... Your lover is here. - Finally! Please get the poor fellow!

Have fun!

Here you are.

So glad you came.

Just as I had imagined my new lover.

Need a drink, or shall we start?

- Start right away? Immediately? - Yes.

You probably know the "Joys of marriage"?

If you are fit we can reach three numbers in an hour.

- Three? - Yes. Is it too much for you?

With you I would even clear six numbers.

We'll see.

How do we should stand we practice tomorrow. Now we take just text.

Do you talk while... ?

- Of course. - If it helps you, so...

If you get stuck you have the papers there.

- Croaching doesn't bother you I hope? - No, if it doesn't bother you.

My husband can't stand it. We just exercised here-

and he lost the rhythm completely.

I can at any time, anywhere.

So nice. Then you can begin.

With pleasure...

- Who is it? - My husband. Do you like my lover?

- Not bad. - No, I'm not her lover!

But you will be soon, I know my wife.

Stand up and turn around. I will see you from behind.

- I? - Yes. Who did you think? Santa Claus?

It will be good. Hope you satisfy my wife more than I do.

You really don't mind it?

- I'm happy to drop out. - And I think we should start now.

Do not get disturbed. I'll take a small one only.

Start, then!

- Your husband is here. - You've to leave your inhibitions. Cheers!

Now the liver is well. A hard one for a hard bastard. Get started now!

I can't on command...

Don't make such a fuss! Heinz, show him how it's done!

- With you? Are you crazy? - I don't want.

- Only once. - Okay, let's get it done.

- I am woman. Take your position. - No, I can't.

No problems. I have performed this many times.

- Does it work? Allows the police that? - Sure.

Why not? Come on now!

"I admit, since I saw you, my heart beats only for you. "

- He's crazy... - "I'm longing for you. "

"I'm enticed by your dark blond hair and your crooked mouth too. "

Grab him now!

"Come to my breast, beloved husband. Without you I can't live. "

"Mine you should be at this moment. "

Nooo!

- Heinz! - They try to take me!

"So must happen, I ask you... "

Say the lines now, then!

- "Come to my heart, now be mine!" - So gladly!

- What's that for a cheekiness? Who are you? - Niki sent me. I'm a lover.

Nerve Sanatorium

- Have you seen the two new ones, Oskar? - Which ones?

- Those who came today. - No, I haven't seen.

I wanted to show them to the boss, and now they are gone.

- How do they look? - I have not seen them so carefully...

One is tall and thin. The other is short.

I don't know who they are.

Where are you?

- Don't laugh so loud! - Is there anyone here?

A cat...

Come on.

Stop! Who is there?

A cat!

Another cat to... What?

Alarm! Escape!

- Not fly, drive a car. - Yes, I'm a Porsche.

But my little tomcat... What if someone comes?

Here is nobody, my little crevasse.

Yes, if you can not wait anymore...

- Wait, I'll do it myself. - Hurry up.

Look, Max!

Oh, tomcat...

Stop! You've taken the wrong car!

Stop!

Villains! I'll show you!

How? Nude?

Heck, no more gasoline.

- Doesn't it go without gasoline? - No.

- The farmer maybe able help us. - Ask him, then.

Excuse me... We have no more gasoline. Can we get some of you?

- Sure, if you have a bucket or something. - A bucket?

Goes with it?

Why not?

You are blocking the road. Drive away!

One moment, the fuel tank is empty. Max gets more.

Hurry up, Max!

I'm coming!

Soon we can drive on.

Now we are ready.

Welcome back!

It is brilliant! Everyone has his own gas station.

Betty!

I'm coming, Toni.

- Where are you, honey? - Here!

- What are you fishing for? - You, of course. Come and lie down.

- What should I do with a child? - Relax, I'll be careful.

What are you saying? Out with you!

I wonder why we have sex education at school.

Dirty theory!

The teacher...

Typical. And he says to me that I should stop to poke in my nose.

- Dad, what's in this one? - What do you think? Shit.

Really?

Are you completely mad?! You and your jokes!

You haven't made me happy one single time since you came into the world!

No, but before that, father.

Uncle!

- Do you know him? - He is from the Ministry of Environment.

When you're not at home he comes to mom and asks if the air is clean.

I can't take any more.

What do you mean? We can't stay here.

Come now.

Where are we going?

There they are! Take it easy now...

I'll take you!

- How long have you known uncle Egi? - Too long time. I want a divorce.

- Antje, I don't want to disturb... - Shut up, then. The sun will also go down.

Then let's go to the solarium.

Come, Antje! It's something for you in the newspaper.

Egi... Finally!

This is perfect. Isolated and not full.

Here we stay a couple of days.

After you.

It will certainly never end...

My friend and I want a room.

A room for you? This is a hotel, no hospice. Begone!

- Are you running this? - Does it look like this?

"Wiesinger, General Secretary... " Damn my stupidity!

Why did not you say it the same? Niki, the General Secretary is here!

I didn't imagine the weekend would be like this...

Same here. But relax, soon it will be awfully nice!

Now I have you!

Hello!

Here it's dumb.

I'll get speed on them.

- Can I help you? - I'm Secretary Wiesinger.

- And I'm the Minister of Finance. - Our clothes were stolen.

Be quiet. The car is coming soon.

Soon we are at home, where there are soft beds and small bars...

- Where? - At the doctor's, of course.

He has everything needed. A small syringe, a jersey...

Get Niki Moser immediately! I want a room!

Sure, you get a room. Soon we have one for you.

Here, good people. Luxury Suite!

Here you, Your Highness.

- You first, you. - No, I insist.

- In with you! - Are you mad?!

Come, Josefa! It has come people!

Lucky for you I weir panties today.

Stop!

Oskar? I have them. Send a car, quick!

Has everybody got mad? The Secretary is here. You are supposed to train!

What are you talking about, Niki? We are training here.

Soon the orgasm!

The damn Greek does best to stay away!

The Secretary arrives. Get down now!

What a fucked place. How many actually come?

Finish and came down! The Secretary is here.

Marianne... Are you alone?

Wait... I'll show you how to record!

I'll show you, you 'lice poodle'!

Hooray, the mail has arrived!

- So nice you are. - I'm stupid to help you again and again.

So you love me anyway?

No sir. I help you just because I don't want to marry you.

And I like you even if it bothers you. Relax now, and... give me a kiss.

Marianne, you are wonderful!

- And you have sex in the brain. - One beautiful day we end up in bed.

Until then the general secretary sniffs around here.

Jesus, I have completely forgotten him!

Not now. You can wait.

Beware!

Who are you, then?

Damn pigs! Where do you think you are?

Aren't you ashamed to run around naked?

But she, then? She has even less clothes on her.

This is a sculpture of sandstone.

And this is a nice girl from Traunstein.

Better than nothing.

I, then?

They fit!

- Secretary... - He's certainly comfortable here.

Mr. Secretary! Listen now!

- What do you say about the gym? - Do you have a piano?

- Yes. What for then? - You'll see immediately.

Finally! Hurry.

- Only fools hurry. - They are in the coop.

- Dad, where is Turkey? - Not far from here.

Two Turks works on a site and they go home to eat lunch.

Lucky that the secretary is so stupid. He doesn't notice.

Imagine if he knew that all guests are our friends...

The subsidies are as good as mine.

- What do you have? - Money from the state.

The secretary eats of my hand. Want?

- You don't get a penny! - You are crazy. Who are you?

What do you care, creep?

It's me who gives out money. I am the secretary Wiesinger.

Come on now. Take it easy.

The car is waiting. Take him.

- It's the uncle again. - Him from the Ministry?

You shall get! What have you with my wife to do?

One more madman! After him!

What happens, Niki Moser?

Only a lunatic. Go on, Secretary. We take care of it.

Nice...

Marianne! Cover up!

If I find the mailman there again, I'll hit him yellow and blue!

Good. Wait, I'll be right there.

How stupid do they really think that postmen are?

What's your name, please?

Excuse me.

Do you have to do it here?

Don't get disturbed.

- I will demand compensation. - What a jump.

Where have you been, my tomcat?

- Now you stay calm. - Now you won't escape!

A lunatic! Get him away!

- What's this? Stop! - Let him! It's the mayor!

I must say... Now you're totally naked.

I asked you to dress, not undress you. Pigs!

And now a cool bath. Where is the pool?

No, Madam Secretary!

I'm coming!

Mild Moses, she laughs!

Then you should see how happy Max gets when there is water in the pool too!

It is father. What do you do with my father?

- The two caught us too. - You? Why?

- Because we like strawberry cake. - I do too.

Do you also have a whole room full of cake?

- An entire room? - Yes... Right up to the ceiling!

In the asylum, there was never cake. So Max and I ran away.

But the secretary, then...

Secretary... I am a minister. Max will soon be president!

- I can't take any more. - This hotel is a madhouse.

Fast, away!

Not there either.

How nice!

And people claim that today's artists are incompetent.

For a butt... Where is he?

- It's him! - Away with you, your scrap pile!

- Stay calm! - Take it easy.

Away with the fake breasts. They are real! Imagine that!

Everything is real on me.

If you bite me, I'll kick your ass!

Niki, the secretary isn't the secretary!

- Is she also mad now? - They are Minister and President.

- Fake politicians, yes! Where are they? - In the foyer and in the sauna.

Come! Hurry!

Do not be so shy, ma'am. In Sweden we always swim naked.

We are all equal but different.

My God! Women!

Wow, that's a man!

Where is there a man?

There he is! Now I'll take you where you belong.

- Now everybody's got crazy here. - Wait. I'm coming.

No, no, no.

Don't be so angry, Mr. Secretary.

How can such a handsome, beautiful and stylish man be so strict?

You must surely have a heart?

Niki can't help it. We shall spoil you around the clock.

No, no and again no! There won't be any subsidies!

This isn't a sport-hotel but a sex club!

And you were trying to fool me. You had no paying guests.

We have to start somewhere. If guests feel comfortable, they come back.

So what! You get no subsidies.

But your beautiful, young wife is also comfortable here.

Hugo, what do I hear? Who is comfortable here?

- Little Emma... - Villain!

- Where is your beautiful, young wife? - Darling...

She speaks only Swedish.

What she said means "Where is... "

- "... The toilet?" - Exactly.

- That's right. - Yes, I speak fluent Swedish.

Then I'll get the subsidies, Mr. Secretary?

Of course, you'll do.

- Who is it? - It's his wife.

Yes, it is my bride. Stop it now.

Do you think I'm stupid? Why does she kiss you?

That's normal with us. In Sweden, everyone kisses everyone.

That is custom for us.

Finally!

Hugs to you, you old goat!

- And who kisses me? - Me!

He kisses even the fools.

Who guarantees that the check has coverage?

The secretary. He gave us no subsidies, but a large bank loan.

Here you go, Mayor. Now we are even.

I don't need the money. I want Marianne to be happy.

Fortunately, you don't need money to be happy!

- Thanks! - Wait, Egi!

Hugo... Shall we go and lay down in a green meadow?

An excellent idea, darling.

Emma...

I want to kiss you!

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A HUGE ANIMAL FROM THE NORTH