All language subtitles for Father Figure s01e05 I Do Believe.enng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,300 --> 00:00:05,300 Right. Night-night, Drew. How's that loose tooth of yours? 2 00:00:05,300 --> 00:00:07,300 - Fine. - Well, as soon as it comes out, 3 00:00:07,300 --> 00:00:09,300 we'll pop it under your pillow for the tooth fairy. 4 00:00:09,300 --> 00:00:11,300 It'll still be there in the morning. 5 00:00:11,300 --> 00:00:13,300 There's no such thing as fairies. 6 00:00:13,300 --> 00:00:15,300 What did you just say? 7 00:00:15,300 --> 00:00:17,300 There are so such things are fairies! 8 00:00:17,300 --> 00:00:18,300 How do you know? 9 00:00:18,300 --> 00:00:23,300 Because, when I open that door at night to check you, 10 00:00:23,300 --> 00:00:27,300 they scatter all over the room, when they fly off your face. 11 00:00:27,300 --> 00:00:29,300 My face?! 12 00:00:29,300 --> 00:00:32,300 Oh, no, not your face. Beside your face. 13 00:00:32,300 --> 00:00:34,300 In your hair. They sleep in your hair. 14 00:00:34,300 --> 00:00:37,300 - Fairies in my hair?! - Oh, no, no! Well, not your hair! 15 00:00:37,300 --> 00:00:39,300 They're... they're... They live under the bed! 16 00:00:39,300 --> 00:00:40,300 - They just... - Under the bed! Ah! 17 00:00:40,300 --> 00:00:43,300 - They're not there all the time! - All right! OK! All right, Drew! 18 00:00:43,300 --> 00:00:45,300 Good night. Come on, Enid Blyton! 19 00:00:45,300 --> 00:00:47,300 Oh... 20 00:00:47,300 --> 00:00:49,300 - I hate fairies! - No, you don't. 21 00:00:52,300 --> 00:00:55,300 I know I'm meant to respect you, Dad, but you don't make it easy. 22 00:00:55,300 --> 00:00:57,300 Fairies! 23 00:00:58,300 --> 00:01:01,300 Oh, my God. This is terrible. This is terrible! 24 00:01:01,300 --> 00:01:03,300 They don't believe in fairies! 25 00:01:03,300 --> 00:01:05,300 They're gonna need one of my little lessons. 26 00:01:05,300 --> 00:01:08,300 Oh, not like the little lesson you gave them last Christmas. 27 00:01:08,300 --> 00:01:10,300 (OWL HOOTS) 28 00:01:13,300 --> 00:01:14,300 - (WIND HOWLS) - (HE GRUNTS) 29 00:01:14,300 --> 00:01:15,300 Agh! 30 00:01:15,300 --> 00:01:17,300 Whoa-ooh! 31 00:01:20,300 --> 00:01:22,300 Merry Christmas! 32 00:01:22,300 --> 00:01:23,300 (CRASH!) 33 00:01:23,300 --> 00:01:27,300 Most children get to meet Santa in a grotto. Ours met him in A&E 34 00:01:28,300 --> 00:01:31,300 ? I think I'll rest a little more 35 00:01:31,300 --> 00:01:36,300 ? Cos the noise in my head keeps banging at the door 36 00:01:36,300 --> 00:01:38,300 ? Something easy, I'll find hard 37 00:01:38,300 --> 00:01:43,300 ? It's the man in me that keeps me running scared 38 00:01:43,300 --> 00:01:47,300 ? Cos your life spins round like a merry-go-round 39 00:01:47,300 --> 00:01:51,300 ? And you can't escape from these ups and downs 40 00:01:51,300 --> 00:01:54,300 ? Your dream's on hold for this crazy world 41 00:01:54,300 --> 00:01:59,300 ? But I wouldn't change a thing. ? 42 00:02:01,300 --> 00:02:02,300 Dylan! 43 00:02:02,300 --> 00:02:04,300 Oh... 44 00:02:04,300 --> 00:02:06,300 (HE BLOWS) 45 00:02:08,300 --> 00:02:09,300 Dylan! 46 00:02:09,300 --> 00:02:11,300 Come on, you're gonna be late. 47 00:02:11,300 --> 00:02:13,300 Dylan! 48 00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:14,300 OK, OK. What? 49 00:02:14,300 --> 00:02:17,300 You're gonna be late for school. Where's your brother? 50 00:02:17,300 --> 00:02:18,300 He's in the downstairs loo. 51 00:02:18,300 --> 00:02:20,300 Oh! Drew! 52 00:02:20,300 --> 00:02:21,300 - DREW: What? - (TOILET FLUSHES) 53 00:02:21,300 --> 00:02:23,300 You're gonna be late. Come on! 54 00:02:27,300 --> 00:02:29,300 Why did you need so long in the loo? 55 00:02:29,300 --> 00:02:31,300 I was having an iPoo. 56 00:02:31,300 --> 00:02:35,300 An iPoo. I told you not to have iPoos. Elaine. The iPoos? 57 00:02:35,300 --> 00:02:37,300 - Hmm? - Drew, come on! 58 00:02:37,300 --> 00:02:39,300 What if I need an iPoo at school? 59 00:02:39,300 --> 00:02:40,740 Well, you can have a You-poo instead! 60 00:02:41,300 --> 00:02:45,300 Now pull up your trousers and get to school. Dylan, come on, school! 61 00:02:45,300 --> 00:02:46,300 (DYLAN SIGHS) 62 00:02:46,300 --> 00:02:47,300 God! 63 00:02:52,300 --> 00:02:53,300 Elaine! 64 00:02:53,300 --> 00:02:55,300 Did you see that? 65 00:02:55,300 --> 00:02:57,300 - Elaine? - (FRONT DOOR SLAMS) 66 00:02:57,300 --> 00:02:58,300 Well, bye, Tom. 67 00:02:58,300 --> 00:03:01,300 Oh, I'm having a Kindle delivered today, so can you make sure you're in? 68 00:03:01,300 --> 00:03:06,300 Oh, great, another gadget. Soon you'll replace me with a gadget. 69 00:03:06,300 --> 00:03:09,300 I've already got a gadget to replace you, love. 70 00:03:09,300 --> 00:03:10,300 See ya! 71 00:03:11,300 --> 00:03:12,300 (DOOR SLAMS) 72 00:03:12,300 --> 00:03:15,300 Oh... A little bash of this. 73 00:03:17,300 --> 00:03:18,300 Ooh... 74 00:03:18,300 --> 00:03:20,300 - What about ye?! (LAUGHS) - Jesus! 75 00:03:20,300 --> 00:03:22,300 What are you doing up there, son? 76 00:03:22,300 --> 00:03:24,300 You're gonna need a wee shovel for that. 77 00:03:24,300 --> 00:03:25,300 Oh, Roddy! Oh! 78 00:03:25,300 --> 00:03:27,300 What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in the pub? 79 00:03:27,300 --> 00:03:30,300 Oh, no, sure, don't worry about it. Ralf's looking after it. 80 00:03:30,300 --> 00:03:31,300 Ralf?! 81 00:03:31,300 --> 00:03:33,300 Oh, aye, don't worry about that there, fella. 82 00:03:33,300 --> 00:03:35,300 He's just back off holidays. He needs the money. 83 00:03:35,300 --> 00:03:38,300 (BARKS AND SNARLS) 84 00:03:40,300 --> 00:03:42,300 What are you doing? Are you packing? You're packing. 85 00:03:42,300 --> 00:03:44,300 - We're running away! - No, we're not! No! 86 00:03:44,300 --> 00:03:46,300 We're all running away. Running away. 87 00:03:46,300 --> 00:03:49,300 Do you know something? Know something? I've got a mate in the Congo, right? 88 00:03:49,300 --> 00:03:51,300 And we can just make him make us disappear! 89 00:03:51,300 --> 00:03:52,300 What do we need? We need some food. Food! 90 00:03:52,300 --> 00:03:54,300 - Pasta! Pasta. - Roddy, no! 91 00:03:54,300 --> 00:03:56,300 Cos you can't get pasta in the Congo. 92 00:03:56,300 --> 00:03:59,300 What about some ham? We can always use some ham for the travelling. 93 00:03:59,300 --> 00:04:02,300 Another thing as well, we could get a couple of Thai brides. 94 00:04:02,300 --> 00:04:05,300 We could get like, we could get like, four wee ones or two big ones 95 00:04:05,300 --> 00:04:06,300 - or something like that. - Roddy! 96 00:04:06,300 --> 00:04:08,300 - What? What? - We're not running away. 97 00:04:08,300 --> 00:04:10,300 - We're not running away. - No. 98 00:04:10,300 --> 00:04:12,300 I'm just collecting up a few gadgets, 99 00:04:12,300 --> 00:04:14,300 cos I'm sick of the things going on in this house 100 00:04:14,300 --> 00:04:17,300 and I'm gonna hide these gadgets from the family for a little while. 101 00:04:17,300 --> 00:04:19,300 - What, all the gadgets? - Yep. 102 00:04:19,300 --> 00:04:23,300 All of them! They're ruining the kids' imaginations. 103 00:04:23,300 --> 00:04:26,300 Dylan and Drew were playing hide-and-seek the other day 104 00:04:26,300 --> 00:04:28,300 and Dylan used the sat nav to find Drew. 105 00:04:30,300 --> 00:04:33,300 Oh, and Drew is hooked on iPoos. 106 00:04:33,300 --> 00:04:37,300 Elaine would rather make love to her phone than me. 107 00:04:37,300 --> 00:04:39,300 It's probably because of the vibrate button, son. 108 00:04:39,300 --> 00:04:41,300 Roddy! 109 00:04:41,300 --> 00:04:42,300 Take that. 110 00:04:42,300 --> 00:04:45,300 - (HE SIGHS) - Do you know what we could do? 111 00:04:45,300 --> 00:04:47,300 We could bring all your stuff down to my pub 112 00:04:47,300 --> 00:04:50,300 and it'd be safe down there. I'd look after it for ya. 113 00:04:50,300 --> 00:04:51,300 Oh. 114 00:04:51,300 --> 00:04:53,300 - Yeah, I suppose that could be good. - Yeah. 115 00:04:53,300 --> 00:04:55,300 But don't let anybody touch the stuff. 116 00:04:55,300 --> 00:04:59,300 And don't sell it to anyone. 117 00:04:59,300 --> 00:05:01,300 Why would I sell that? 118 00:05:01,300 --> 00:05:05,300 - Say it. - Of course I'm not gonna sell it. 119 00:05:16,300 --> 00:05:18,300 Happy days. 120 00:05:19,300 --> 00:05:21,300 - (RALF BARKS) - One, two, one, two. 121 00:05:21,300 --> 00:05:24,300 - Hello. Lovely, lovely. - (BARKING CONTINUES) 122 00:05:24,300 --> 00:05:25,300 (SAUSAGES SIZZLE) 123 00:05:25,300 --> 00:05:27,300 What's that, boy? Oh, lad! 124 00:05:27,300 --> 00:05:30,300 Got the doggy porn for you! 125 00:05:30,300 --> 00:05:34,300 Gentlemen! Roddy's Internet Cafe is now open. 126 00:05:34,300 --> 00:05:36,300 Ha-ha! 127 00:05:37,300 --> 00:05:40,300 - MARY: Honest to God! Unbelievable. - (DOOR SLAMS) 128 00:05:40,300 --> 00:05:42,300 Totally unbelievable! Hello, son. 129 00:05:42,300 --> 00:05:45,300 - Hiya, Mum. - Guess what this eejit just did. 130 00:05:45,300 --> 00:05:47,300 I don't know, but you're gonna tell me anyway? 131 00:05:47,300 --> 00:05:51,300 We got the bus over here today. This woman gets off the bus with her kids, 132 00:05:51,300 --> 00:05:54,300 and your father decides to help and lifts the kid off for her. 133 00:05:54,300 --> 00:05:57,300 - Well done, Dad. - I thought she needed my help. 134 00:05:57,300 --> 00:05:59,300 Turns out the woman has only two kids, 135 00:05:59,300 --> 00:06:01,300 but your father lifted a third child off. 136 00:06:03,300 --> 00:06:05,300 - Who's that child? - Nobody's. 137 00:06:05,300 --> 00:06:07,300 The third child wasn't a child. 138 00:06:07,300 --> 00:06:09,300 It was a little man! 139 00:06:10,300 --> 00:06:12,300 I was so embarrassed! 140 00:06:12,300 --> 00:06:16,300 How was I to know? Anyway, I lifted him back on again. 141 00:06:16,300 --> 00:06:17,300 That only made it worse! 142 00:06:17,300 --> 00:06:21,300 No, it didn't! Sure, I'm meeting him later for a pint. 143 00:06:30,300 --> 00:06:32,300 (DOOR CLOSES) 144 00:06:32,300 --> 00:06:36,300 RODDY: What about ye?! (LAUGHS) Tom, a quick question now. 145 00:06:36,300 --> 00:06:38,300 The password to your iPad. It's your date of birth, isn't it? 146 00:06:38,300 --> 00:06:40,300 Yeah. 147 00:06:41,300 --> 00:06:44,300 What is your dad doing? Look at him spinning around like a dog in a basket. 148 00:06:44,300 --> 00:06:46,300 What's going on? 149 00:06:46,300 --> 00:06:48,300 I don't know. Is Dad OK, Mum? 150 00:06:48,300 --> 00:06:50,300 I'm not sure. He's very uneasy. 151 00:06:50,300 --> 00:06:53,300 - You're very uneasy, Pat. - This isn't right. 152 00:06:53,300 --> 00:06:55,300 - What's not right? - I don't know! 153 00:06:55,300 --> 00:06:57,300 The TV's gone. 154 00:06:57,300 --> 00:06:59,300 - The TV's gone. - The TV's gone. 155 00:06:59,300 --> 00:07:00,300 - TV's gone. - Yeah... 156 00:07:00,300 --> 00:07:02,300 Oh right, yeah, TV's gone. 157 00:07:02,300 --> 00:07:05,300 - Why is the TV gone? - Yeah, you don't need a TV. 158 00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:07,300 You and Dad don't need a TV. 159 00:07:07,300 --> 00:07:10,300 It's not natural in this day and age not to have a TV. 160 00:07:10,300 --> 00:07:13,300 Sure, what would I have to look at if I didn't have a TV? 161 00:07:13,300 --> 00:07:14,300 Look at Mum. 162 00:07:24,300 --> 00:07:26,300 It's like he's never met me before. 163 00:07:27,300 --> 00:07:30,300 I think this is the longest I've ever looked at your mother. 164 00:07:30,300 --> 00:07:32,300 Oh, look, they're gonna have a conversation 165 00:07:32,300 --> 00:07:35,300 without going through the television first. 166 00:07:35,300 --> 00:07:36,300 Good one, Tom. 167 00:07:36,300 --> 00:07:38,300 - Ah, no, this isn't right. - No! 168 00:07:38,300 --> 00:07:39,300 Nearly, Tom, nearly! 169 00:07:39,300 --> 00:07:41,300 - Hi. - Hi. 170 00:07:41,300 --> 00:07:43,300 - TOM: Oh, hi, kids. - (DYLAN WALKS UPSTAIRS) 171 00:07:43,300 --> 00:07:45,300 Hi, Dylan, how was school? 172 00:07:45,300 --> 00:07:47,300 - (NO REPLY) - Oh, great, thanks, good to know(!) 173 00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:50,300 Hiya, Dylan! And there's Drew. 174 00:07:50,300 --> 00:07:52,300 Hi, Gran. 175 00:07:52,300 --> 00:07:55,300 O... M... G! 176 00:07:55,300 --> 00:07:57,300 The TV's gone. Dad? 177 00:07:58,300 --> 00:08:01,300 Where are my X-Box, laptop, Wii, Wii-U, 178 00:08:01,300 --> 00:08:04,300 Nintendo DS, PlayStation, iPad and Nano? 179 00:08:04,300 --> 00:08:07,300 Jeez, Tom, go the whole nine yards and get that wee lad a jet pack or something! 180 00:08:07,300 --> 00:08:10,300 - Dylan! The TV's gone. - The TV's gone? 181 00:08:10,300 --> 00:08:13,300 No, look, me and Roddy, right... 182 00:08:13,300 --> 00:08:14,300 But mostly Tom. 183 00:08:14,300 --> 00:08:16,300 Yeah, we've just popped the gadgets away for... 184 00:08:16,300 --> 00:08:18,300 - Mainly Tom. - Yeah, mainly me, 185 00:08:18,300 --> 00:08:21,300 popped them away for a little while. OK? 186 00:08:21,300 --> 00:08:23,300 We're gonna try a week without any tech stuff, 187 00:08:23,300 --> 00:08:25,300 and I guarantee your little lives will be better. 188 00:08:25,300 --> 00:08:27,300 Get those imaginations going again. 189 00:08:27,300 --> 00:08:29,300 Can I use that old car tyre out the back? 190 00:08:29,300 --> 00:08:31,300 Drew and I could use a stick to push it along the road. 191 00:08:31,300 --> 00:08:33,300 Yes, yes, yes. 192 00:08:33,300 --> 00:08:36,300 Never! Epic fail! 193 00:08:36,300 --> 00:08:39,300 Have my stuff back in my room in one hour! 194 00:08:39,300 --> 00:08:41,300 Oh, and I'll be taking this too. 195 00:08:41,300 --> 00:08:43,300 How will I stay in touch with my friends? 196 00:08:43,300 --> 00:08:44,300 Try talking to them. 197 00:08:44,300 --> 00:08:46,300 Talk to them? With my mouth? 198 00:08:46,300 --> 00:08:48,300 My God, you are so yesterday! 199 00:08:51,300 --> 00:08:54,300 Oh, what are you angry about? 200 00:08:54,300 --> 00:08:57,300 How will I manage without my iPoos? 201 00:08:57,300 --> 00:08:59,300 Not very well I imagine, Father! 202 00:08:59,300 --> 00:09:03,300 Not... very... well! 203 00:09:06,300 --> 00:09:07,300 (DOOR SLAMS) 204 00:09:07,300 --> 00:09:09,300 In your day, I wouldn't let you slam doors. 205 00:09:09,300 --> 00:09:11,300 We didn't have any, Mum, remember? 206 00:09:11,300 --> 00:09:13,300 Dad replaced them all. 207 00:09:13,300 --> 00:09:15,300 I couldn't stand all the banging. 208 00:09:15,300 --> 00:09:17,300 - You spin me right round, baby... - I don't believe it! 209 00:09:17,300 --> 00:09:20,300 You said I could go. It's not fair! 210 00:09:20,300 --> 00:09:23,300 I'll climb out the window. That's how I'll get out. 211 00:09:23,300 --> 00:09:26,300 Oh! I hate living in this house! 212 00:09:26,300 --> 00:09:29,300 - I hate it! Agh! - (DOORS SLAM BACK) 213 00:09:30,300 --> 00:09:32,300 Ah, I see you're still in training 214 00:09:32,300 --> 00:09:35,300 for the sitting on your arse all day competition, Tom. 215 00:09:36,300 --> 00:09:38,300 (ELAINE SIGHS) 216 00:09:38,300 --> 00:09:41,300 - Why is there an empty space there? - The TV's gone, Elaine. 217 00:09:41,300 --> 00:09:43,300 Where's my TV, Tom? 218 00:09:43,300 --> 00:09:46,300 Oh, I just thought there was too many gadgets in this house, so... 219 00:09:46,300 --> 00:09:50,300 you know, I got rid of them. For about a week. 220 00:09:50,300 --> 00:09:53,300 You know, so it'll be no to technology 221 00:09:53,300 --> 00:09:56,300 and yes to funology. 222 00:09:56,300 --> 00:09:58,300 Yay! 223 00:09:59,300 --> 00:10:02,300 Yay. 224 00:10:02,300 --> 00:10:05,300 And, on that note, we'd better head off, Mary. 225 00:10:05,300 --> 00:10:07,300 You need to watch yourself in here now, Elaine. 226 00:10:07,300 --> 00:10:09,300 With no TV, no-one knows where to sit. 227 00:10:11,300 --> 00:10:15,300 - Ah, stay a bit longer, Dad. - Ah, you've got rid of the TV, son. 228 00:10:15,300 --> 00:10:16,300 There's nothing here for us now. 229 00:10:16,300 --> 00:10:18,300 Come on, Mary. 230 00:10:18,300 --> 00:10:20,300 Goodbye son. 231 00:10:20,300 --> 00:10:22,300 I'll try and visit you soon. 232 00:10:28,300 --> 00:10:32,300 (FRENCH ACCENT) Bon soir, my little petit pois. Bon soir. 233 00:10:32,300 --> 00:10:34,300 If this has anything to do with you, Roddy, 234 00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:37,300 I'll hang you up there by your knackers and we'll watch you for the night. 235 00:10:37,300 --> 00:10:39,300 Oh, kinky. (LAUGHS) 236 00:10:42,300 --> 00:10:44,300 (BOTH SIGH) 237 00:10:46,300 --> 00:10:47,300 What are you doing, Drew? 238 00:10:47,300 --> 00:10:51,300 I'm going for a yo-yo poo, cos Dad stopped my iPoos. 239 00:10:51,300 --> 00:10:55,300 Oh, Mum, please sort this out. 240 00:10:55,300 --> 00:10:57,300 Think of your children. 241 00:10:58,300 --> 00:11:00,300 I bid you a good evening. 242 00:11:04,300 --> 00:11:07,300 So, shall we have an early night? 243 00:11:07,300 --> 00:11:10,300 What? Ooh, I'll go have a wash. 244 00:11:10,300 --> 00:11:12,300 Oh, we can't. 245 00:11:12,300 --> 00:11:13,300 Why? 246 00:11:13,300 --> 00:11:16,300 Because, until that TV is safe and sound back in this house, 247 00:11:16,300 --> 00:11:19,300 there will be no more early nights for you. 248 00:11:19,300 --> 00:11:22,300 Oh, relax, the stuff's at Roddy's! 249 00:11:22,300 --> 00:11:25,300 - (HE GRUNTS) - Our stuff is at Roddy's?! 250 00:11:25,300 --> 00:11:26,300 (MUFFLED) Yes. 251 00:11:26,300 --> 00:11:29,300 Is our stuff safe at Roddy's? 252 00:11:29,300 --> 00:11:31,300 (MUFFLED) Yes. 253 00:11:31,300 --> 00:11:33,300 - (MEN SHOUTING) - (GLASS SMASHES) 254 00:11:44,300 --> 00:11:47,300 - Bye, love. - Sort this. 255 00:11:47,300 --> 00:11:49,300 Just sort it. 256 00:11:51,300 --> 00:11:54,300 Here you go. School bag. 257 00:11:54,300 --> 00:11:55,300 Hug-a-roonies! 258 00:12:03,300 --> 00:12:06,300 Things are getting really annoying around here, Tom. 259 00:12:06,300 --> 00:12:09,300 Oh, no, trust me, Elaine. Drew will have soon forgotten all about his iPoos 260 00:12:09,300 --> 00:12:11,300 and I bet you Dylan's in school right now, 261 00:12:11,300 --> 00:12:13,300 thanking me for taking his phone off him. 262 00:12:13,300 --> 00:12:17,300 CHILDREN CHANT: Phoneless! Phoneless! Phoneless! Phoneless! 263 00:12:17,300 --> 00:12:19,300 Phoneless! Phoneless! 264 00:12:19,300 --> 00:12:21,300 (JEERING) 265 00:12:21,300 --> 00:12:24,300 Sort it out, Tom, and talk to the boys. They're not happy. 266 00:12:24,300 --> 00:12:28,300 Oh, they will be after school. I've got a great thing set up in the garden 267 00:12:28,300 --> 00:12:30,300 that's going to be better than any of those gadgets. 268 00:12:30,300 --> 00:12:32,300 OK, boys... 269 00:12:33,300 --> 00:12:36,300 As a man, or little chaps, what you need... 270 00:12:36,300 --> 00:12:38,300 is a good stick. 271 00:12:38,300 --> 00:12:41,300 - Isn't that right, Roddy? - Oh, yes. A good stick. 272 00:12:41,300 --> 00:12:44,300 - Yeah. There you go, OK? - That's my favourite stick. 273 00:12:44,300 --> 00:12:46,300 Yeah, I know, probably use that one for now. 274 00:12:46,300 --> 00:12:49,300 Ah, here are the sticks, boys. There you go. 275 00:12:49,300 --> 00:12:51,300 One for you. One for you. Eh? Huh? 276 00:12:51,300 --> 00:12:53,300 This is boring. I need my phone back, Dad. 277 00:12:53,300 --> 00:12:56,300 Oh, come on, Dylan. Just try, all right? 278 00:12:56,300 --> 00:12:58,300 So it's you and Drew against me and Roddy, OK? 279 00:12:58,300 --> 00:13:00,300 - What are we doing? - Er, war! 280 00:13:00,300 --> 00:13:03,300 - The sticks are guns, remember? - What? 281 00:13:03,300 --> 00:13:04,300 But you're holding that wrong. 282 00:13:04,300 --> 00:13:07,300 That's the wrong way round and liable to go off in your hand. Have it that way. 283 00:13:07,300 --> 00:13:10,300 I can't be holding it the wrong way round. It's a stick. 284 00:13:10,300 --> 00:13:13,300 The sticks are guns, all right? OK, ready, watch this, look. 285 00:13:13,300 --> 00:13:14,300 Machine gun, right? Watch. Listen to this, right? 286 00:13:14,300 --> 00:13:17,300 Uh-hu-hu-hu! Hu-hu! Uh-hu-hu-hu! Hu-hu! 287 00:13:17,300 --> 00:13:19,300 - Yeah, all right? - DYLAN: No, no. 288 00:13:19,300 --> 00:13:21,300 Isn't it - drr-drr-drr-drr? 289 00:13:21,300 --> 00:13:23,300 - Er... - DREW: Nah, nah, it's this. 290 00:13:23,300 --> 00:13:24,300 Brr-rr-rr-rr! 291 00:13:24,300 --> 00:13:28,300 That's not bad. It's not bad. Here, watch. I'll shoot Roddy. I'll show you, right. 292 00:13:28,300 --> 00:13:30,300 We'll show with Roddy, OK? Here we go. Ready? 293 00:13:30,300 --> 00:13:33,300 Uh-hu-hu-hu! Hu-hu! Uh-hu-hu-hu! Hu-hu! OK, ready? 294 00:13:33,300 --> 00:13:35,300 Rocket launcher. 295 00:13:35,300 --> 00:13:37,300 Boom! All over the place! 296 00:13:37,300 --> 00:13:38,300 Yeah! 297 00:13:38,300 --> 00:13:40,300 - Light sabres! - (RODDY LAUGHS) 298 00:13:40,300 --> 00:13:44,300 - Baseball bat! - No, get... 299 00:13:44,300 --> 00:13:48,300 Tom, Tom! What are you doing? That's not how you wage war. 300 00:13:48,300 --> 00:13:50,300 Where's your organisation? Where's your strategy? 301 00:13:51,300 --> 00:13:53,300 Balloons! 302 00:13:53,300 --> 00:13:55,300 ( FRANKIE GOES TO HOLLYWOOD: Two Tribes) 303 00:13:55,300 --> 00:13:57,300 (LAUGHS) 304 00:14:01,300 --> 00:14:04,300 Unleash hell, boys. 305 00:14:05,300 --> 00:14:10,300 ? When two tribes go to war a point is all that you can score 306 00:14:10,300 --> 00:14:14,300 - Score no more, score no more... - TOM: Frisbee! 307 00:14:14,300 --> 00:14:19,300 - Frisbee! - ...a point is all that you can score! 308 00:14:19,300 --> 00:14:22,300 - Workin' for the bad guys! - Cowboy number one 309 00:14:22,300 --> 00:14:27,300 - A born again poor man's son... - We're out of balloons! 310 00:14:28,300 --> 00:14:32,300 It's OK. I've got this. 311 00:14:32,300 --> 00:14:37,300 Poo on a stick! Poo on a stick! 312 00:14:37,300 --> 00:14:40,300 Biological warfare! Retreat. 313 00:14:41,300 --> 00:14:46,300 Woo-hoo! Victory! Victory! 314 00:14:46,300 --> 00:14:48,300 - DYLAN: We did it, Dad. - RODDY: Huh? Huh? 315 00:14:48,300 --> 00:14:50,300 - DYLAN: We won. - Aw, let's do that again. 316 00:14:50,300 --> 00:14:53,300 Uh-huh. There's just one more thing, boys. 317 00:14:53,300 --> 00:14:55,300 - What? - There's one more thing. 318 00:14:55,300 --> 00:14:57,300 - Poo on a stick! - (ALL YELL) 319 00:14:57,300 --> 00:14:59,300 - Poo on a stick! - DREW: Agh! Agh! 320 00:14:59,300 --> 00:15:02,300 - Poo on a stick! - (ALL YELL) 321 00:15:02,300 --> 00:15:04,300 On a stick! Poo on a stick! 322 00:15:04,300 --> 00:15:05,300 Agh! 323 00:15:07,300 --> 00:15:08,300 I'll leave you to that, Tom. 324 00:15:08,300 --> 00:15:10,300 Elaine! 325 00:15:10,300 --> 00:15:12,300 I'm sorry. I'm sorry! 326 00:15:12,300 --> 00:15:13,300 - You... - No. 327 00:15:13,300 --> 00:15:16,300 ...are so dead! 328 00:15:16,300 --> 00:15:18,300 I'm just playing! 329 00:15:18,300 --> 00:15:20,300 - Yoo-hoo! - (TOM SHOUTING) 330 00:15:20,300 --> 00:15:23,300 TOM: No! Oh, God! 331 00:15:23,300 --> 00:15:26,300 - (ELAINE GRUNTS) - TOM: Oh, God! 332 00:15:29,300 --> 00:15:33,300 Maybe we should go back out and ring the door bell first. 333 00:15:33,300 --> 00:15:36,300 - Well, I raised a good man. - What? 334 00:15:36,300 --> 00:15:39,300 Shut up and go out, so we can come back in again. 335 00:15:45,300 --> 00:15:49,300 Right, well, we better be off. I don't like to miss me Crimewatch. 336 00:15:49,300 --> 00:15:52,300 I'm very good with the mug shots. I could sit there all night. 337 00:15:52,300 --> 00:15:55,300 Robber. Robber. Drug dealer. Robber. Robber. 338 00:15:55,300 --> 00:15:57,300 Flasher. Mugger. I know them all. 339 00:15:58,300 --> 00:16:01,300 Maybe we should give the telly a miss tonight, love. 340 00:16:01,300 --> 00:16:03,300 Are you all right? Did you bang your head? 341 00:16:03,300 --> 00:16:06,300 It's hard to tell these days, what with the shape of it and all. 342 00:16:06,300 --> 00:16:11,300 No, no, no, no. I was just saying that maybe Tom isn't wrong, you know? 343 00:16:11,300 --> 00:16:14,300 Maybe we should put the telly away for a while. 344 00:16:14,300 --> 00:16:15,300 Why would we do that? 345 00:16:15,300 --> 00:16:20,300 Well, because all this no telly business has made me realise something. 346 00:16:22,300 --> 00:16:24,300 I think I like your face. 347 00:16:25,300 --> 00:16:26,300 Did you hear that? 348 00:16:26,300 --> 00:16:30,300 45 years married, and that's the nicest thing he's ever said to me! 349 00:16:30,300 --> 00:16:33,300 "I think I like your face." 350 00:16:33,300 --> 00:16:36,300 Come on, love. So we can go home and have a good old gossip 351 00:16:36,300 --> 00:16:39,300 and I can get a chance to look at you some more. 352 00:16:39,300 --> 00:16:41,300 I'll open the HobNobs, so. 353 00:16:41,300 --> 00:16:42,300 The chocolate ones? 354 00:16:42,300 --> 00:16:46,300 Yes, the chocolate ones, seeing as you like me face so much. 355 00:16:47,300 --> 00:16:49,300 - Night, all. Love yous. - Bye! 356 00:16:49,300 --> 00:16:50,300 - Lovely dinner, Elaine. - Aw! 357 00:16:50,300 --> 00:16:53,300 - PAT: I love your knees too. - MARY: Don't push it! 358 00:16:55,300 --> 00:16:58,300 Oh, my God, did you see that? 359 00:16:58,300 --> 00:16:59,300 - (FRONT DOOR CLOSES) - Oh, whoa! 360 00:16:59,300 --> 00:17:03,300 Never seen Dad be that nice to Mum ever! 361 00:17:03,300 --> 00:17:04,300 Woo-hoo. 362 00:17:04,300 --> 00:17:06,300 Oh... 363 00:17:10,300 --> 00:17:11,300 - Elaine? - Yeah? 364 00:17:11,300 --> 00:17:13,300 I think I like your face. 365 00:17:16,300 --> 00:17:18,300 And a HobNob's all you'll get off me too. 366 00:17:18,300 --> 00:17:19,300 (HE SIGHS) 367 00:17:20,300 --> 00:17:24,300 - My tooth is really loose now, Mum. - Is it? Let's have a look. 368 00:17:24,300 --> 00:17:26,300 - Ow! - Oh, oh, Elaine! 369 00:17:26,300 --> 00:17:28,300 What? It was hanging by a thread. 370 00:17:28,300 --> 00:17:31,300 Give me my tooth. I'm going to bed. 371 00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:33,300 Oh, all right, narky knickers! 372 00:17:33,300 --> 00:17:35,300 Don't forget to put it under your pillow! 373 00:17:35,300 --> 00:17:40,300 I told you. I don't believe in that stupid stuff! Now night! 374 00:17:41,300 --> 00:17:43,300 - I'll go put?1 under his pillow. - OK. 375 00:17:43,300 --> 00:17:45,300 But that's all. 376 00:17:45,300 --> 00:17:47,300 All right. 377 00:18:16,300 --> 00:18:19,300 DREW: Agh! Agh! 378 00:18:19,300 --> 00:18:23,300 They're real! They're real! They're real! The fairies are real! 379 00:18:23,300 --> 00:18:26,300 - Tom! - What? 380 00:18:26,300 --> 00:18:29,300 Look, Tom! The bloody fairies were here! 381 00:18:29,300 --> 00:18:32,300 Ooh, so they were! 382 00:18:32,300 --> 00:18:37,300 And they've walked all over his face. All over his face in black paint! 383 00:18:37,300 --> 00:18:40,300 That's really, really hard to get off a child's face! 384 00:18:40,300 --> 00:18:42,501 I'm going to see if I can pull any more of my teeth out! 385 00:18:43,300 --> 00:18:45,300 Dad, where are the pliers? 386 00:18:51,300 --> 00:18:52,300 What will I tell the teacher? 387 00:18:52,300 --> 00:18:54,300 - Tell them the truth. - Got it. Bye. 388 00:18:57,300 --> 00:18:59,300 Do I have to go to school today? 389 00:18:59,300 --> 00:19:02,300 - I don't feel well, Mum. - You're clearly fine. 390 00:19:02,300 --> 00:19:05,300 And, Dylan, if you're going to try and bunk off school, 391 00:19:05,300 --> 00:19:06,300 at least make some effort. 392 00:19:06,300 --> 00:19:08,300 I'm not going without my phone. 393 00:19:08,300 --> 00:19:11,300 Your phone? When I was a kid, I didn't need a phone! 394 00:19:11,300 --> 00:19:15,300 I was climbing trees, making dens, doing handstands, 395 00:19:15,300 --> 00:19:21,300 pulling wheelies on bikes, running for hours and hours and hours, 396 00:19:21,300 --> 00:19:24,300 and that's what's made me the man I am today. 397 00:19:24,300 --> 00:19:27,300 Well, I definitely don't want to be the man you are today! 398 00:19:31,300 --> 00:19:33,300 Come on, Tom. 399 00:19:33,300 --> 00:19:36,300 We've tried the no gadget thing and it hasn't really worked. 400 00:19:36,300 --> 00:19:37,300 Yeah. 401 00:19:37,300 --> 00:19:40,300 So what do you say tonight we have a bit of telly, 402 00:19:40,300 --> 00:19:45,300 give the kids their stuff back, and have an early night. 403 00:19:45,300 --> 00:19:47,300 Oh, hello. 404 00:19:56,300 --> 00:20:00,300 Oh, Darren. Come to spray me with your scent? 405 00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:02,300 All right, Phoneless? 406 00:20:02,300 --> 00:20:04,300 Can you step back a bit? 407 00:20:04,300 --> 00:20:05,300 Why don't you ring ChildLine? 408 00:20:05,300 --> 00:20:08,300 - Oh, you can't. You're Phoneless! - (BOYS LAUGH) 409 00:20:08,300 --> 00:20:09,300 Very funny. 410 00:20:09,300 --> 00:20:10,300 - Yes, I am. - For a gorilla. 411 00:20:10,300 --> 00:20:12,300 Poo breath! 412 00:20:12,300 --> 00:20:13,300 - Poo breath? - Poo breath. 413 00:20:13,300 --> 00:20:15,300 Poo breath. Thank you, Darren. 414 00:20:21,300 --> 00:20:24,300 Oh, no. Ah... 415 00:20:24,300 --> 00:20:26,300 Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no. 416 00:20:26,300 --> 00:20:27,300 No, no, no. 417 00:20:27,300 --> 00:20:30,300 Tom, Tom, Tom, you should have called before you came over. 418 00:20:30,300 --> 00:20:32,300 - The stuff! The stuff! - (MOBILE PHONE RINGS) 419 00:20:32,300 --> 00:20:34,300 Oh, is that my phone? 420 00:20:34,300 --> 00:20:36,300 He's just renting it. 421 00:20:36,300 --> 00:20:40,300 - Phone call for Tom Whyte. - Er... 422 00:20:40,300 --> 00:20:43,300 Thank you. Hello? 423 00:20:43,300 --> 00:20:45,300 Yep. 424 00:20:45,300 --> 00:20:48,300 Right. OK, I'm on me way. I'm on me way. 425 00:20:48,300 --> 00:20:50,300 - (HE SIGHS) - Everything OK? 426 00:20:50,300 --> 00:20:53,300 Oh, it's Drew. He's in the Headmaster's office. 427 00:20:53,300 --> 00:20:58,300 And, Roddy, OK, just get all this stuff back the way I gave it to you. 428 00:20:58,300 --> 00:21:00,300 The way you gave it to me. 429 00:21:00,300 --> 00:21:03,300 - The way I gave it to you. - The way you gave it to me. 430 00:21:03,300 --> 00:21:06,300 I'm your man. (SIGHS) Got away with that one! 431 00:21:09,300 --> 00:21:10,300 Tom! 432 00:21:12,300 --> 00:21:14,300 Mum? What are you doing? 433 00:21:14,300 --> 00:21:17,300 - The chain fell off me bike. - Oh. 434 00:21:18,300 --> 00:21:21,300 I've never seen you on a bike before, Mum. 435 00:21:21,300 --> 00:21:24,300 Oh, we've taken a leaf out of your book, son. 436 00:21:24,300 --> 00:21:29,300 We've left the car at home. No telly. Only the wireless. 437 00:21:29,300 --> 00:21:32,300 We've gone back in time. We're cyclists, son. 438 00:21:32,300 --> 00:21:34,300 We're cyclists? 439 00:21:34,300 --> 00:21:35,300 Myself and your father. 440 00:21:35,300 --> 00:21:37,300 (HORN TOOTS) 441 00:21:37,300 --> 00:21:39,300 (MARY LAUGHS) 442 00:21:39,300 --> 00:21:42,300 - Oh, my God. - (HORN TOOTS) 443 00:21:42,300 --> 00:21:44,300 How are you, son? 444 00:21:44,300 --> 00:21:47,300 I couldn't trust him on a two-wheeler. He'd fall over and break his neck. 445 00:21:47,300 --> 00:21:51,300 - Enjoying the cycle, Dad? - Ah, yeah, great. 446 00:21:51,300 --> 00:21:53,380 I like staying behind your mother. She's a great bum. 447 00:21:55,300 --> 00:21:59,300 I swear to God, Tom, having no telly has changed that man totally. 448 00:21:59,300 --> 00:22:01,300 And I mean totally. 449 00:22:01,300 --> 00:22:03,300 Oh! Oh, no! 450 00:22:03,300 --> 00:22:06,300 Look, I'm in a rush. I've got to get to Drew's headmaster. 451 00:22:06,300 --> 00:22:08,300 Not like that you're not. You've oil all over your face. 452 00:22:08,300 --> 00:22:09,300 - Come here. - No, I'm OK. 453 00:22:09,300 --> 00:22:10,300 - No, it's OK. - (SHE SPITS) 454 00:22:10,300 --> 00:22:13,300 - Don't... Oh, no! - Come here to me now. 455 00:22:13,300 --> 00:22:15,300 That's better... I suppose. 456 00:22:15,300 --> 00:22:18,300 Look, I have to go, I'll see you later. 457 00:22:19,300 --> 00:22:21,300 Right, we better be off so too, pet. 458 00:22:21,300 --> 00:22:22,381 - Come on. - Yup. Off we go. 459 00:22:28,300 --> 00:22:31,300 Drew! Are you OK? What happened? 460 00:22:31,300 --> 00:22:35,300 I told the truth. You know, about the fairies on my face. 461 00:22:35,300 --> 00:22:38,300 I got into trouble for shooting a kid with a stick. 462 00:22:38,300 --> 00:22:40,300 You're not to blame. 463 00:22:40,300 --> 00:22:43,300 (BELL RINGS) 464 00:22:43,300 --> 00:22:45,300 Mr Whyte. Come in. 465 00:22:46,300 --> 00:22:50,300 Er, Mr McGovern, I'm very sorry about this, but... 466 00:22:50,300 --> 00:22:54,300 Drew's not entirely to blame for this. 467 00:22:54,300 --> 00:22:58,300 Telling children that the fairies have left footprints on their faces 468 00:22:58,300 --> 00:23:02,300 in the middle of the night is a bit far fetched, wouldn't you think? 469 00:23:02,300 --> 00:23:04,300 I'd love to know where he... 470 00:23:04,300 --> 00:23:06,300 gets it from. 471 00:23:10,300 --> 00:23:14,300 So you think that my child believing that fairies walked all over his face 472 00:23:14,300 --> 00:23:17,300 in the middle of the night a bit far fetched? 473 00:23:17,300 --> 00:23:19,300 - Yes. - Oh. 474 00:23:20,300 --> 00:23:23,300 Drew... Just wait outside for a sec, will you, 475 00:23:23,300 --> 00:23:25,300 while I have a little chat with your headmaster? 476 00:23:25,300 --> 00:23:28,300 - But, Dad, he's... - Drew, outside now. 477 00:23:28,300 --> 00:23:30,300 I have something I want to show this man. 478 00:23:32,300 --> 00:23:38,300 What's wrong with kids believing in fairies? 479 00:23:38,300 --> 00:23:41,300 They're not little adults. They're little children. 480 00:23:41,300 --> 00:23:42,300 Mr Whyte, please! 481 00:23:42,300 --> 00:23:44,300 How long have you been head of this school? 482 00:23:44,300 --> 00:23:45,300 22 years. 483 00:23:45,300 --> 00:23:50,300 22? You've been in charge of these kids' imaginations for 22 years? 484 00:23:50,300 --> 00:23:55,300 You've forgotten what it's like to be a child. 485 00:23:55,300 --> 00:23:58,300 - Here... hold this. - What? 486 00:23:58,300 --> 00:24:00,300 - I don't understand. - No, wrong way round. This way. 487 00:24:00,300 --> 00:24:05,300 I'm gonna help you remember what it's like to be a kid again. 488 00:24:05,300 --> 00:24:08,300 - Well... - Yeah, good, here we go. Good man. 489 00:24:10,300 --> 00:24:12,300 I'll be on the red team. You be on the blue team. 490 00:24:12,300 --> 00:24:13,300 - Fair enough. - All right? Yeah. 491 00:24:13,300 --> 00:24:16,300 - HEADMASTER: Yee-agh! - (CRASHING AND BANGING) 492 00:24:16,300 --> 00:24:18,300 HEADMASTER: Somebody help me! 493 00:24:18,300 --> 00:24:21,300 - HEADMASTER: Die! Die! Die! - TOM: Please! No. 494 00:24:21,300 --> 00:24:23,300 - (TOM IMITATES GUNFIRE) - TOM: Ho-ho! 495 00:24:29,300 --> 00:24:34,300 Your imagination... is too powerful for me! 496 00:24:47,300 --> 00:24:49,300 Come on, son. 497 00:24:49,300 --> 00:24:52,300 We're not gonna have any more trouble from him any more. 498 00:24:58,300 --> 00:25:00,300 There's everything back. 499 00:25:00,300 --> 00:25:03,300 Where's the rest of the stuff, Roddy? 500 00:25:03,300 --> 00:25:07,300 Well, um, a few drops of beer got on them, so I'm just drying them out. 501 00:25:07,300 --> 00:25:10,300 (LOUD CLATTERING) 502 00:25:10,300 --> 00:25:12,300 Telly time, I think. 503 00:25:12,300 --> 00:25:16,300 Oh, I thought you were gonna wait... for a week. 504 00:25:20,300 --> 00:25:23,300 - How was school, lads? - So Dad killed the head. 505 00:25:23,300 --> 00:25:24,300 What? 506 00:25:24,300 --> 00:25:27,300 Turns out Dad was right. It's always handy to have a good stick. 507 00:25:29,300 --> 00:25:31,300 Hello, Phoneless. 508 00:25:31,300 --> 00:25:34,300 Ah, Darren. I have a little something for you. 509 00:25:34,300 --> 00:25:36,300 Poo on a stick. 510 00:25:36,300 --> 00:25:38,300 - It's poo! It's poo! - Poo on a stick! 511 00:25:38,300 --> 00:25:41,300 - Poo on a stick! Poo on a stick! - Agh! 512 00:25:41,300 --> 00:25:43,300 Poo on a stick! 513 00:25:43,300 --> 00:25:45,300 (TV IS ON) 514 00:25:47,300 --> 00:25:49,300 (TV IS SWITCHED OFF) 515 00:25:51,300 --> 00:25:53,300 Really? Really?! 516 00:25:53,300 --> 00:25:55,300 We'll ration the TV. 517 00:25:55,300 --> 00:25:56,300 Aw! 518 00:25:56,300 --> 00:25:58,300 What made you change your mind? 519 00:25:58,300 --> 00:26:02,300 I heard what you did for Dylan and Drew. Pretty clever, for a nut-job! 520 00:26:02,300 --> 00:26:05,300 Yeah, it was nothing. Well... 521 00:26:05,300 --> 00:26:07,300 Ooh, why don't we play Twister? 522 00:26:07,300 --> 00:26:11,300 Who wants to play Twister? Yeah, come on, let's play some Twister! 523 00:26:11,300 --> 00:26:16,300 DREW: Can I play when nan's off the mat? She farts when she bends over. 524 00:26:16,300 --> 00:26:18,300 MARY: I do not! 525 00:26:18,300 --> 00:26:22,300 ELAINE: Right, here we go. Left foot green, Mary. 526 00:26:22,300 --> 00:26:23,300 (LOUD PARP!) 527 00:26:23,300 --> 00:26:26,300 TOM: Mum! 528 00:26:26,300 --> 00:26:30,300 ? I think I'll rest a little more 529 00:26:30,300 --> 00:26:33,300 ? Cos the noise in my head keeps banging at the door 530 00:26:33,300 --> 00:26:36,300 ? Something easy, I'll find hard 531 00:26:36,300 --> 00:26:41,300 ? It's the man in me that keeps me running scared 532 00:26:41,300 --> 00:26:45,300 ? Cos your life spins round like a merry-go-round 533 00:26:45,300 --> 00:26:49,300 ? And you can't escape from these ups and downs 534 00:26:49,300 --> 00:26:53,300 ? Your dream's on hold for this crazy world 535 00:26:53,300 --> 00:26:55,300 ? But I wouldn't change a thing. ? 536 00:26:55,350 --> 00:26:59,900 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 40778

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