Original subtitles

Robbery suspect located. Unit PT6 heading for lower city level...

Get away from me!

Leave me alone!

This is the police.

Stay where you are, and toss your weapon aside.

- Get away from me! - THIS is you final warning.

...stop where you are...

- Drop dead! - ... is you final warning.

There is no escape.

- Stop or we will ruin you. - away from me!

Stop. Stop.

Shit.

Oh my God, oh my God...

I'm so ANGRY with my life!

We got him trapped down in the laundromat. But I do not see a thing.

According to the building plan, he's only got one exit out of here.

All you kids, to the right!

- Do not .. do not scream! - Muuum!!

Lady! Quiet!

I'm gonna my foot, see if he's got anybody else down there.

Back off!

Or I kill the fat lady!

I mean it!

Try anything!

Get these damn fuckers all over the place!

Please, rat, why don't you pick on somebody your own size!

Ahh, sshhut up!

Hey, Cuartez...

...we got ourselves a biiig problem down here.

I bespeak further ten million mineral bricks and safe passage out this universe as we know it.

The son of a bitch is even crazier than we thought,

if he thinks we're gonna give him any of these things.

Is exactly what we're going to do, Captain Skyresh.

I want the situation resolved now.

Give him what he wants and get rid of him.

Elections are next week and I don't need dead fat ladies on video screens all over the city.

Get it, Mr. Mayor. Just got a better idea.

Brick Bardo just showed up.

Bardo? I just said I don't want a bloodbath.

I'm ordering you to meet his demands.

Mayor?

Sorry, um... there is a trouble with the phone here. Gotta go.

Skyresh... Skyresh! Skyr...

Brick, what are you doing here?

Good to see YOU. Hell of a mess.

Got in there over thirteen hostages.

The mayor wants to give in.

I'm suspended, remember?

Yeah. But, um...

- you've got any ideas? - I've got an idea.

Gonna use hot water for my whites...

use a cold wash and more rinser for the colors.

What are you talking about?

Laundry, Captain. This is what I'm doing.

Excuse me.

So Brick can take over?

Yeah.

Right.

One... Two...

- Three... - Hey asshole!

What the fuck you think you're doing?

I'm gonna kill these fat ladies!

Hey, I am talking to you, sh-shitbrain!

Somebody...

...better... kick this moron out of here...

...or the FAT is going to hit the [...]!

That's right. One of us gonna get goin'.

But I already put my money in the machine.

I swear. I am going to do it.

Wow! That's the Ruger Blaster, the most powerful handgun in the Universe!

That's right, fat boy.

And it's gonna blow a hole clean through this fat lady.

And then blow a hole out of you.

And that's gonna blow a hole outta lady behind you.

It's gonna be a lot of guts floating around the laundromat.

Do you know what I mean...

...fat boy?

What the hell happened to you?

Two women in cardiac arrest?

Everything is under control. The suspect is in custody.

And every news station in town

is reporting that one of my officers endangered a laundromat full of hostages.

Think how that looks!

- Mayor, no one was killed and I thought that Bardo here... - I'll do the thinking, Captain!

Where is that son of a bitch now?!

Disappointed you didn't get to kill anyone tonight, Bardo?

You are through!

YOU GODDAMN PSYCHO!!

Take off those sunglasses, it's night!

- I want that bastard suspended! - He is already under suspension because of the incident in Fillmore.

Then fire his ass, I want him done!

Thank you for saving my Mom.

Tonight, at 11.68, there was a extreme shootout in a South Central laundromat.

Unidentified sources at the crime scene claim that a renegade ex-cop went on a shooting rampage

that has left an unconfirmed 27 bystanders wounded and another 3.6 dead.

With more on this tragic [...] story [...]

Details are still sketchy at this point, Harry.

However, anonymous official has heard rumor that 1.4 of the dead are indeed children.

The Mayor's office has released no actual details at this time.

However, a highly placed authority has implied the identity of the killer to be known:

The name 'Brick Bardo' was overheard.

Brick Bardo is a [...] detective that was involved in the Fillmore incident earlier this year.

- That's right, Harry - - We've come back...

...But first: we've got a travel advice...

...[indistinct]...

There's an old friend...

Wants to see you, Bard.

Rise and shine.

I saw the news tonight.

You're a VERY violent man, Bardo.

Yes, I know. It's a violent universe.

I bet you thought you'd seen the last of me.

I am seeing the last of you, Sprug.

After our last encounter, this is all they managed to salvage.

Let's see if I'd remember the first time.

Countman bank job?

- I flew off your left arm. - And most of my left foot.

And then there was the Space Extortion.

What did I take?

Two... or three legs?

Among other things.

The last time,

All I remember was your head, rolling around in the parking lot.

I didn't think it was enough to save.

The modern medicine.

They doing some wonderful things.

It's too bad your lovely family couldn't benefit as I had.

Then I think, even our best doctors couldn't have done anything with what was left of them.

What do you want?

I'll tell you what I want, Bardo.

50000 molecular ions.

And I get them too, you know why?

Because my cruiser is loaded with a dimensional fusion bomb,

that will blow the [...] of this city into another universe [...].

It will never happen.

Why not?

Somehow you'll fuck it up.

You always fuck it up.

No, Bardo.

You've always screwed up my plans.

But this time you don't have a chance, because you gonna be it tiny, tiny little atoms.

I'll gonna blow you apart, piece by piece, Bardo.

It's mine now.

I've heard about this custom-made monster for years.

Do not worry, Bardo.

I'll take good care of him.

And I'll put it to good use.

Start with his left hand.

How does it feel to be on the other side, Bardo?

I don't know. You tell me.

I'm gonna die.

You can't kill me anymore.

What do you want, asshole?

Nothing.

You just gonna walk away?

Warning. Intruder is [...]. Closing fast.

Your crap won't take the pressure.

Neither will yours.

Damn!

I don't give a fuck.

What makes you think I do?

Warning: Energy Band impact.

Warning: you have landed on an alien planet.

Air pressure and atmosphere compatible to human life.

Warning based on sensor calculations of planet's structures

Your size relationships are altered: this planet's life forms are in ratio of 6:1 larger

- Hey, you in the wrong neighborhood? - [...] bucks!

Don't you be selling that trash in my neighborhood!

That's it! I'm tired with you sleazy motherfucking dope dealers selling shit in my neighborhood!

Now fucking move or I fucking kick your ass! Get the fucking move or I fucking kick your ass!

Do you want me to fucking kill you? Get out of here!

Don’t fucking come back! Move it!

Go, take this shit with you!

Get the fucking out of here! Go! Beat it! Scumbag!

That's why you have joined our Neighborhood Watch program.

Today we have a very special guest,

who will explain to us how the police plan to help us in our fight.

Please welcome Captain Arnold Schuller, police commissioner.

- Thanks for coming. - Glad to be here.

Mrs. Alejandro is absolutely right. We are involved in a war.

And if it weren't for you, people, we would have no chance of winning.

I think you are the ones who deserve my applause.

Now that you have your sound-by, Captain Schuller, you can go ahead and tell us exactly how you plan to help us.

What do you have in mind? Beefed-up patrols? Raiding the crack houses? Roadblocks?

Oh that's not as simple as that. You know, it's a very big city.

And Dalton Avenue is not the only area that needs help.

Look...

...you are the police.

Protect and serve. It's your job.

Protect us!

Of course I will protect you, Mrs. Alejandro. We will always try to protect you.

Together we can win this war.

There's the bitch that's keepin' up to mess with our business, huh?

[...]

Get off me!!

Get right...

You fuck with our business...

You die.

GET OFF ME!!!

Kill that bitch!

Kill the whore!

Drop the weapons down. Step away from the girl!

Shhhit!! Giants!

That's for the giants, I hate giants!

- I did not mean to scare you. - Scare me?

Who are you?

What am I to worry about, this is just a bad dream.

I must be in shock...

...or I am hallucinating...

...or... I have a concussion?

You're SO small.

We can't stay here, they'll be back.

Those punks?

I don't think so.

They'll bring their whole gang. We got to get out of here.

I'm not going anywhere.

Stop it. Stop it. Hey! Stop! Fuckin' Giants!

Look! A head, on the road!

- Where? - No, no. That's human head, look!

The fuck is that, man?

- Fuck is that? - Look, my friends...

...let's cut to the case.

I am obviously a visitor from another ff... world, who has had a bit of... trouble!

You help me out... I'll help you out.

It fuckin' talks!

We gonna help you do what?

Conquer your world...

...such as it is.

I've... got a bomb you could use.

Some thing that will rip your dimension a new asshole.

Rip my dimension?

Believe me, nobody will fuck with you. Ever again!

With a bomb like that we could, like, blow up the entire East-Side.

We could take all fucking burrow! Huh?

This place could be mine!

Whatever was left behind, yes...

...would be... yours.

Do we have a deal?

Well... what do you want? Like, um... a new hat or something?

Move the bomb... off the ship.

Kevin, it's your Mom!

What's the secret password?

Kevin, open the door.

Hurry up!

- Hey-hey-hey... - Bronco Spacestar!! - Oi...

Kevin, no!

Put me down!

Kevin, no. Kevin, NO!!

- Shit! - VOW!!

[...] now!

Sorry.

- Are you alright? - Never felt better in my life.

Um.. my son thought you were a toy. Bronco Spacestar is his favorite TV show.

What is it, Mom?

It's... a little man, Kevin.

So, ahh... where did you come from?

How did you get here?

The last thing I remember I was chasing...

...Sprug, into the Energy Bands.

Energy bands?

Mom! He's an alien.

Alien? No.

What planet do you come from? Mars?

- Venus? - Arturos.

- Arturo? Of course!

Honey, he's not an alien. He-he is a small man who g... got lost.

- Vow! - Jesus! - Vow!

I want one of those, Mom.

Give me that gun.

- No way. - Give me the gun!

I will not have guns in my house!

Alright. Don't pull that thing out again.

When will this nightmare be over?

It's not a nightmare.

Then what the hell is it?

It's the South Bronx.

- How are we doing? - Eh, the rich get richer, Braxton.

That's the plan.

What the fuck is this?

I don't think you told of this...

Oh fuck, man...

The fucking pool table!

- It's ruined! - Who put it on the goddamn pool table? Huh?

You didn't just wipe the blood out of [...] goddamn [...]?

Hey, it wasn't my fault. It was this [...] fault! It was because of Debi!

Thought I told you not to fuck with Debi.

Hey, she was gone fucking with us.

We were just trying to protected ourselves, jefe!

She did this to you? What, do you expect me to believe that?

She had this... this little doll...

A little by-man.

What the fuck are you talking about?

Well, this guy, this little guy who just jumped out, man - and started shooting everybody!

- He burned the Hector's [...]. - You tell me a midget did this to you?

No, it was no midget, pendejo via!

- A little guy, like this much [...]. - Take another fucking drink, Jackson.

- [...] - You shut the fuck up, I'm trying to think!

Fuck, what you made me do?

See, that's what happens when people start taking things upon themselves!

Anybody else got any bright ideas?! You got a fucking bright ideas, huh?

What about you, you got a bright idea? HUH?!

I have an idea.

It's not his little voice.

This better be good head.

There is only one person who can stop you once I give you the dimensional bomb.

Brick Bardo.

What's a Brick Bardo?

It's an asshole cop from my world.

He followed me here.

Well, how do you know it's him?

There is only one weapon in the universe that can destroy atomic matter like that.

It's dangerous to me...

...and to you too.

If I were you, I'd go out and kill him right now.

Oh yeah? Well, if I was you, I'd quit while I was a head.

Take how it looks?

That guy moves into your territory, blows away your two men?

I know, I would not like it,

He is not showing you proper respect.

People would think you've lost control.

[...] this guy is a cop, huh?

Yeah.

I'm gonna go to Debi's.

I'm gonna show this cop is wrong fucking neighbourhood.

You stay here and clean up this mess.

And give a fucking brain something to eat.

No fucking shit, asshole.

Get this fucking body out of here!

Mister, are you sure you know what you are doing?

Isn't it past your bedtime, kid?

No power, that's your problem, Mister.

No, kiddo.

What size batteries does this thing take?

Look, kid, I'm a little busy right now, so...

...get the hell away from me, huh?

Are all people on your planet assholes like you?

Sometimes.

Hey, I know somebody that can help you.

The show is over. Good night.

Get out of my apartment.

Come on, out, out!

Señora, fuera, fuera [...] permento!

What are you kids, deaf? Go, get out! Now!

Kevin, I want to talk to you.

Goodnight! Goodbye!

Hello, get OUT!! Get out of my house!

Get away from this ship, it's not a toy.

Obviously.

This is my best friend Gerald.

He is a brainter.

What?! I said, get away from my ship!

Quite aggressive, isn't he?

Kind of jerk.

Gerald, you too. Good night.

- But... - But "but" nothing. It's late.

Kevin...

Did I tell you to tell everybody in the neighborhood that we have a space man living in our house?

Don't you think we have enough problems?

But Mom, what's the fun of having an alien, if you can't show it off?

Now listen, don't do anything without asking me!

What?!

Get the gun out of my face! What did I just tell you?

Kevin, how are you doing?

Don't touch him! Braxton... What do you want?

Just paid a visit, see how you're doing.

Looking good. You want some money or something?

Don't want your money. I don't want anything from you. Just get these people out of my house, Braxton!

I'm looking for your friend. The midget.

I told you he's not a midget!

- Shut the fuck up! - Look, I don't know who you're talking about!

Look, don't fuck with me, Debi.

This Snowman of yours hitted my boys.

Braxton! Leave. Us. Alone!

Where is he?

Looks just like it's his!

Oh fuck!

- It's about the size, you know. - No!

Jesus Christ...

Oh fuck...

A little paint and you'd be just like brand new.

[...] isn't it?

But things don't change.

People don't.

I'm gonna loose, aren't I?

Only if you give up, lady.

Thanks.

Mommy! Mommy!

What is it, honey?

Oh, baby...

The bad men are gone...

It's alright. Shhh...

Is a bad dream, honey. Go back to sleep.

Oh, Brax, what's up, man?

What the fuck?

But not like this...

I see you've met Brick.

I had some experience with his blaster damage.

I can stop the bleeding by fusing the molecules in a sonic proton wash.

If there is no internal bleeding...

...you're a live man!

- Do it! - Not so fast. You promise to help me.

I want that help now, tonight.

It's too dangerous, you know. I'm tired of being small.

I want my ship prepared...

and I want to leave, fast.

Do we have understanding?

Yo, whatever you say. Just fucking do it!

Hey, you pretty fucking good!

Hey...

...you promise me a bomb. First show it to me, or there's no deal.

It's right behind me.

All you do...

...is push the button.

Ten seconds later...

Boom!

Everything within three parsecs is sent to another dimension forever.

But that's for later.

After you've done everything I need.

From now on, you work for me.

- You'll do what you say. - Work for you?

You're In the wrong fucking neighborhood, deadhead.

Call mommies together, we're going to war.

- With who? - With the fucking doll, man, who else?

[...] the other guy, he almost killed you.

So the fuck what? We got a dimensional bomb.

We gonna settle this fuck-up once and for all.

The [...] bomb.

If you're cold, you can put this on. It's warm.

No, thanks.

Alright.

So, do you have a family back home?

- Not anymore. - But you used to?

Mind if I get a little sleep?

Sorry.

Good night.

I had a wife and two kids.

Baby girl...

...a boy about Kevin's age.

Someone who wanted to hurt me, did it by hurting them.

Kevin's father is dead, too.

He was shot, holding up a liquor store, years ago.

Kevin doesn't even remember him.

He was a gangbanger, Brooklyn Homeboy.

And at the time I thought...

...Homeboy was as cool as you can get.

And then when Kevin was born, he swore he was done with gangs, done with crime. But... he lied.

I don't know, it's like...

...in this neighborhood gangs are the only way you can be noticed, the only way you can be somebody.

And they give you a new name,

and then you are Shorty, or Sleepy, or Psycho... Gangs give you an identity.

I didn't know how hard it is keeping Kevin away...

his friends already belonged...

Was trying then...

...I'm gonna lose him if I don't do something about it.

So why didn't you leave?

Where... would I go?

I don't have any money, I can't even pay the rent.

Dropped out of school to have Kevin.

Besides, this is my home. This is where I grew up, everything I've ever known is here. I'm not gonna run away.

You've got a lot of guts. lady. But maybe you're using the wrong approach.

What do you mean?

Fight fire with fire.

I always thought you fight fire with water?

Some fires are too big.

Kevin, leave him alone.

Kev, get it and gear, you're late.

Have a good day at school. Be careful. I love you. Bye.

Oh, hi.

Here is my number at work, in case you need to call.

I don't think going to work is such a great idea, if those punks are looking for you.

Well, if I don't go to work, I don't get paid.

If I don't get paid, I can't pay the rent.

And there is nothing to eat, so... I'm going to work.

I think you should stay in, though.

The world isn't safe for someone your size.

I'll be home at 7.

- Kevin will be home around 3.30. - Look, lady, I'm gonna find the rest of these punks...

...and finish this.

No, you're not.

Got to do what I got to do, lady.

Be careful out there, Debi.

So you're trying to tell me that 13-inch man saved your ass from Braxton?

Yes. I thought it was like a hallucination or something that I must... I mean...

I don't know, what I'm gonna do with him.

Ah, a 13-inch man. Are you sure it was not a dream?

I'm serious.

Come over tonight and see him for yourself.

I would like to see a 13-inch man...

You know what I mean...

I wonder where he came from...

...and what to do [...]?

What's so funny, ladies?

Nothing's funny, sir.

Nothing's funny but thew toxic waste, Mr. [...]

Well, then keep back to wooork! You're way too high!

What's his problem?

Hmm, he asked me out to Guns'n'Roses concert.

...till I might take that mutants slain from work.

- He didn't! - Yeah!

What the fuck are we waiting for?

We wait because I said we wait.

We can [...] with this bitch.

Well, it's about time.

Fuck, man.

What's the matter?

- Oh, fuck! - Yo, I thought that little guy fixed you.

I hope he didn't go home.

Not without his ship.

You know, there does not seem to be much structural damage.

Maybe if I just adjust this... [...]...

Back away, Gerald.

I think he suffers from Napoleonic syndrome.

- What?!

Short man's complex.

So... how long do you think this guy gotta stay with us?

I don't know.

I don't know. His spaceship doesn't work, so he can't really go anywhere.

- Guess he's stuck here. - You want him to stay though, don't you?

- Señora Alejandro?

- Ah, señora Rodriguez, Que tal? - Bien, ¡oiga!...

...I heard about this doll-man.

...that he blew away Braxton's Red Homies last night, es eso cierto?

Yeah, it's true.

¡Oiga! E cuando Se next meeting of Neighbourhood Watch?

Thursday, 7:30 at the cafeteria.

- I'll be there! - Really?

- Si!

Vivian, you know we can make a difference. We can CHANGE this neighborhood.

Especially with this doll-man blowing away all the scumbags for us, eh?

That's not the way I wanted this to work out.

- I'll go, friend. - See ya.

[...] later to see your doll.

Braxton! Ah! Leave me alone!

- Or what? Your little friend gonna kick my ass, huh? - Help! Somebody, help!

- Put her in the car! - We'll gonna stop you, you son of a bitch!

Get away! ALL OF YOU!!

Get off!

- Kevin, where's the doll? - Braxton got your mom downstairs.

Kevin, get out of my way!

Hear out for the Doll-man, 'cause he's gonna come looking for her.

Hey, can you spare a smoke, man?

Sit down.

Stop this, Braxton. You're hurt.

The fuck do you care?

Yeah...

Don't even think about it!

Braxton, you gonna die if you don't get some help.

- So I die. - But you can stop this before you go down.

When you gonna get to what's going on here? Huh?

The world gonna go down, Debi, because that's the man wants it.

Can't you see that? Huh?

You think they care about you? You think they care about Dalton Avenue, huh?

They don't give a shit.

You're on the wrong fucking side.

Sit down.

Don't make me get up.

Fucking SIT DOWN!!

What the fuck are we fucking waiting for?

I mean. fuck this shit!

Fuck, man, I'll fucking set up this fucked-up!

This little fucker knows what kind of fuck [...] so let's fuck away from here and fuck him up!

So let's get the fuck out of this fucking [...]

- Does fucking anybody seen anything yet? - Nothing yet. Come on down here.

Fuck it!

Braxton, man, it's been three hours.

He ain't gonna show.

He must have found out what’s waiting for him.

Ahh, fuck him.

I'm putting you go [...], huh?

Come on, go.

OK, Jim, the punk did not show, so we're out of here. The van will meet us down here. Over.

Got it, homie.

And I thought this would gonna be hard.

Hey, Jimmer! Jimmer, man, where the fuck are you? Get down here! We're ready to roll!

What the fuck is going on there?

Urban fucking renewal.

You did the mistake, Debi.

A fucking MISTAKE, Debi!

I'll teach you some respect right now. Do you remember Benny?! HUH?!

Whore Debi...

Oh, fuck. I fucking kept you alive!

And you fucking don't RESPECT ME!!

Fucking... bitch...

I'll show you how fucking disrespect me.

NOBODY DISRESPECTS ME!!!

Goodbye, Debi.

Why don't you pick up someone your own size, you fucking puke?

You suck, asshole.

You remind me of a guy I knew back home. I didn't like him either.

AARRGH, MOTHERFUCKEEER!!

Fuck, my gun!

Now let's see how you like it, tiny motherfucker!

No, let's see this like for you, motherfucker.

- Step aside, lady. Let me finish this. - It's finished.

- Come on, it's finished. Don't you see that? - He's scum.

He does not deserve to live.

Because your family isn't alive, is that it?

Come on, let it go. Just let it go.

- Step aside. - Okay...

Don't do it for me!

Okay, lady.

You win.

Wrong. Nobody fucking wins.

Is a fusion bomb.

Run!

Run!

So Debi, tell me size doesn't count.

subtitles © 2015 Victor Vacendak