Original subtitles

[♪♪♪]

[sighing]

Thank you for everything.

Whatcha doing?

Breaking up with a tea towel?

That's sad.

Need a minute?

I'm improving my life

by only keeping items that ignite my bliss.

Got it, say no more.

It's a global movement

to help organize and tidy up our lives.

We all have too much stuff.

It clutters our souls and makes us miserable.

Oh, so that's a box of soul clutter?

Are you getting rid of it

at the community yard sale?

Yeah, it's just a bunch of things

that I don't need.

I know this stuff might not seem like trash--

No, it looks like trash.

Shh! It'll hear you.

You're not supposed to disparage things

you're getting rid of. [chuckling]

You're supposed to hold them

and thank them for their service.

Yeah, that's a totally not weird thing to do.

So this is just going on the free table

at the yard sale?

You want me to drop it off for you?

That'd be great, thanks.

But I'll need the box back.

No, wait! That.. Ah, that goes against...

Oh, you know what, forget it.

Hey, what's going on?

Thank you for your service.

You're welcome.

What was that about?

She just sorta called you garbage.

♪ You think there's not a lot goin' on ♪

♪ Look closer, baby you're so wrong ♪

[♪♪♪]

What are you hauling there?

Just a few boxes of stuff

I'm thinking of getting rid of

at the community yard sale,

but I can't decide on what to sell

and what to throw away.

First off,

these appliances are useless.

Waffle maker?

More like a dust collector.

And look at this rice cooker.

I know, right?

Whoever heard of making rice at home?

According to the last census,

about three billion people,

but it's useless with a wonky cord.

Oh, yikes, that is loose.

Maybe I should just throw it all out.

No, uh, you know, it's not a total loss.

You've got a few things worth selling.

Look at that box.

Solid stack of VHS tapes for sure.

Some quality bottle caps.

That one shoe should catch a good price

if you find the right buyer.

You mean "left buyer."

Oh, no, no, you're right.

My left.

I, uh... What?

Exactly.

I'll tell you what.

I'm already taking Lacey's box of trash

off her hands.

Why don't I add yours to the pile

and get rid of it all?

Oh, yeah? Thanks, Wanda.

You're the best.

It's what I do.

[♪♪♪]

Junk mail, junk mail,

final notice...

Here it is!

This month's copy

of the Provincial Police Magazine,

and...

guess who's on the cover?

Your dad?

It's me!

Hang on,

this is a terrible picture.

I look so old.

No, it looks like you.

I mean, you know,

distinguished and respectable.

Those are words you say

to make old people feel better.

But you clearly don't feel better,

so therefore, you're not old.

Case closed.

They must have had

one of those super high-definition cameras

that catch every little wrinkle

before it's visible to the human eye.

Hey, if it bugs you that much,

I could show you my skincare regime.

I don't know.

Or I can get you a cardigan and some tea,

and replace your desk chair with a nice rocker.

I can't tell if you're trying to help or hurt.

I mean, your words hurt,

so... probably hurt.

Come on, sit down,

and I'll show you

what some quality creams and serums can do

for those crow's feet.

Ooh, greasy...

and zingy.

[chuckling] That's the turmeric tingle.

[♪♪♪]

I started at home, of course,

making sure that I kept

only what ignited my bliss.

Hmm, really?

Yes, really.

I mean, it's a whole different energy.

I'm telling you, Brent, you've gotta do this.

Yup, couldn't agree more.

Top of my list.

Numero uno thing to duo.

I know you're humouring me,

without the humour,

but honestly, I went through every drawer

and realized how much junk--

[giggling] You said junk...

in your drawers.

Just read the first chapter.

Honestly, it will change your life.

I don't wanna change my life,

or read.

I'm perfectly happy with my junk.

In fact, I have

a specific drawer in my house for it.

Guess what I call it?

I'm not saying it,

because you're just going to giggle again.

You think you're happy with your junk,

but you're not.

[giggling]

Again? Really?

I'm trying to help you.

Look, I know you're into

this igniting happiness or whatever,

but it's just not my thing.

Now, if you feel like igniting a refill over here,

I'd be into that.

[♪♪♪]

Hank! You're back too soon--

I mean, soon.

Yeah, I need your help.

I don't know what price to put on all the...

Wait a second,

I thought you said my appliances were junk.

What are you doing?

Well, I just thought

I'd see if I could strip this foot bath

for parts, you know,

copper wiring and so on.

But let's look at what treasures you've got here.

Whoa, imagine how strong

the guy or girl was who did this.

Hell of a backstory.

And those false teeth?

Come on, you're sitting on a gold mine.

I wouldn't take less than 12 bucks

for those chompers.

12 bucks?

Per tooth, or for the whole rack?

You seem to be working with

a real weathered antique aesthetic,

so how about I give you some choice items

I got off Lacey?

What about this antique, one-of-a-kind griddle?

It was probably used during the war.

Whoa, cool.

Which war?

Looks like all of them.

Well, you better get going.

Lots of stuff to keep you busy.

B-but I need help with the pricing.

I'd just go 12 bucks across the board.

Make it easy, like the dollar store.

Like the 12-dollar store?

Hi, Davis.

Oh, my...

If you don't mind me saying,

you are absolutely glowing.

I am?

Sergeant Hollywood got a facelift.

No, I didn't.

Inject some of that detox

in your forehead?

You must've done something,

because you look great.

What's your secret?

Well, Emma, a healthy diet, lots of water, and--

Bullhooey!

"Healthy diet" my elbow.

You were lookin' like Officer Old Face yesterday,

and suddenly you're Officer Awesome.

Officer Awesome?

[door closing]

[panting]

What else you got?

[♪♪♪]

What are you doing?

Minding my own business.

You should give it a whirl.

Let me rephrase that.

What are you doing on company time?

I'm fixing up all this stuff

that Hank and Lacey donated to me,

so I can sell it at the community yard sale.

Turning junk into gold,

like Junklestiltskin.

I think it's Rumple--

Oh, I see what you did there.

Aren't you getting stuff together

for the yard sale?

Get rid of some of your ratty old comic books?

[gasping] How dare you!

You're as bad as Lacey.

[gasping] How dare you!

What's Lacey got to do with anything?

She won't stop nagging me

about wanting to make sure

everything "inflames my giddiness."

She's dying to get her mitts in my drawers,

and then help me tidy up.

See what I did?

Yeah, you told a creepy joke.

You're like Uncle Stiltskin.

She's probably gonna show up

at my place tonight. You watch.

If we had a way to collapse time, you'd--

I knew it.

I'm gonna stop you right there.

I'm not inviting you in.

Why?

I'm not a vampire.

Exactly what a vampire would say.

But I know you have interior motives.

What motives?

You want to go through my stuff

and get rid of it, don't you?

Well, forget it.

I brought pie.

Come on in, Vampirella.

Let's start with your drawers.

I knew it.

Now, pick up each T-shirt

and hold it to your chest

and ask yourself--

"Am I insane?"

As I was saying,

ask yourself, "Does this ignite my bliss?"

if not, thank it for its service,

and then away it goes.

Can't we have the pie first?

It's hard to purge on an empty stomach.

Nope.

Purge before pie.

Start with this t-shirt.

Nope, nothin'.

Out you go.

Thanks for the memories.

Good job covering my ample torso.

Aw... that wasn't so hard, was it?

Let's keep going.

That better be one heck of a pie.

It's Saskatoon Berry.

Proceed.

[♪♪♪]

[Lacey sighs]

See how neat everything is?

Don't you feel great?

Everything in its place, a place for every--

Yeah, super neat.

Love it. Love the bliss, thanks.

You'll see in the morning just how peaceful and--

I can't wait.

Anyway, pie!

I mean, bye!

[♪♪♪]

Sorry to put you through that, fellas,

but she's really...

Oh, great, now I'm talking to stuff.

Can you believe that?

[♪♪♪]

Oh, hello, good-looking.

Can your father come to the phone?

We need some of that cream, fancyface.

Yeah, we can't stop talking

about how good your skin looks,

so young,

so supple...

All right, woman, keep your bloomers on.

The point being

we want the good stuff.

Karen showed me.

This is what she uses.

Look at all these cute bottles.

Let's crack 'em open and get to it.

Oh, I don't know, it's her stuff,

and it's in her bag...

It's always "safe spaces"

and "boundaries"

with you young punks.

Young?

Well...

I guess it couldn't hurt to let you try a bit.

[♪♪♪]

So, was I right?

Did you wake up feeling lighter

and full of blissful calm?

Maybe calm, but not lighter.

That pie was pretty heavy on the system.

Hey, what are you doing with that t-shirt?

I thought you said it didn't ignite your bliss.

Well, here's the thing.

After you left and I ate the pie,

I decided to keep everything.

And you know what?

I feel pretty blissful about that, too.

Like a double-bliss.

A bliss blast.

I can't believe you did that.

I wasted all that time, and you ate the pie!

Not everything has to ignite your bliss.

Some things are just shirts.

Yeah, and some things are just jerks.

Hmmph!

What is going on here?

[together]: Nothing.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

Hey, that's my stuff!

You said it was junk,

and now you're selling it?

It was junk.

You said that yourself,

until I realized I could spruce it up

and sell it.

Yeah, but that's not fair.

What's not fair?

I took your junk

and saved it from the landfill.

Do you hate Mother Earth, Hank?

Don't you know the three "R"s?

Reduce, Reuse, and--

Rip off?

[typing]

There.

That's the eye serum you need to replace.

That was just for my eyes?

I used it on my whole face!

Am I gonna be okay?

Only if you buy me a new bottle.

$90!

You paid $90 for that little bottle?

No, that's just the travel size.

It's the one underneath, that goes for 120.

That's crazy.

How can anybody spend that much

for a bit of goop?

If you want to look good,

you've gotta spend the money.

You can't cheap out on this stuff.

What's in this stuff,

unicorn blood?

[♪♪♪]

So how about a cup of coffee

to go with that pie I ate last night?

You mean the ill-gotten pie?

Ill? Why?

What'd you put in it?

Listen, legally,

that pie was accepted in exchange

for letting you in my--

House of lies?

And no, you can't get a coffee right now.

You need to wait for a cup.

Wait for a cup?

After you betrayed me yesterday,

I came back here

and some of my cups weren't igniting my bliss, so I...

You got mad and threw out your cups?

You were rage blissing.

It's not rage blissing.

I just got rid of the old cups

and ordered some nicer ones.

Ah, that's not the best sequence

to do that in.

When will these nice cups arrive?

Seven to ten business days.

You need to ignite your logistics.

Can I get any vessel full of coffee?

A bowl of coffee. That works.

What's the breakfast special,

a glass of cornflakes?

You really don't have a good sense

of when to stop talking.

Now, eat your coffee

and shut up.

[♪♪♪]

Oh, this'll be great, Wanda.

I love eating popcorn while I watch my stories.

Hey, that's my popcorn maker.

No, it's not.

I got it from Hank.

And I bought it from Wanda.

And I loaned it to Hank

three months ago

and never got it back.

Ah, that's right.

I did borrow it for the Bachelor finale,

but then I forgot to record it, and--

I'm taking this back.

Well, I want my money back.

Well, that was a bust.

Anything else you might be interested in, Helen?

Yeah, actually, that's my waffle maker.

Excellent choice.

It can be yours again for the right price.

The right price is free.

I loaned that to Hank.

Oh, yeah, I borrowed that too.

Remember my popcorn waffle party?

None of you came.

Come to think of it,

a lot of this stuff I borrowed off people

and forgot to return.

If you'll excuse me.

Are you kidding me?

I spent all day fixing stuff that you stole?

Whoa, whoa, whoa,

"stole" is a big word.

It's one syllable.

It's five letters.

Wait, just give me a minute to sort this out.

Don't sell anything till I get back.

Step right up!

Everything must go!

It's a "reality is crashing in" sale!

Who needs a slow-cooker?

Quick!

Let's go, people, time is literally money!

[♪♪♪]

Can I get a fork?

[grumbling]

Oh, so it wasn't just cups.

It was everything but the kitchen--

Wait, what are you using for a sink back there?

A rubber boot?

You want a boot?

I could give you a boot.

I need this plate, Zeke.

My fries!

There, it's like a picnic!

Indoors.

It's fun.

You're having fun.

Why is my caesar salad in a broiling pan?

So the extra dressing

drains through to the bottom, okay?

It's a heart-healthy choice, Michelle.

You are welcome.

Lacey seems like she's a little...

Blissed off?

[♪♪♪]

Davis!

That serum is magic.

I got ID'd at Foo Mart

when I tried to use my seniors' discount.

And I got winked at when they ID'd Oscar.

Do you have anything for my neck?

And my, um...

whatever these are called.

What else you got in Blondie's magic pouch?

Nothing. It's all gone.

What do you mean it's all gone?

Yeah, what about my neck?

And the rest of her face?

Look, we used all Karen's eye stuff,

and I have to replace it,

and it's 120 bucks.

Nothing costs 120 bucks.

What exactly is it made out of?

Olive oil, turmeric, honey...

I have all this stuff in my kitchen.

I could lose my badge for this.

For what?

Looking so gorgeous?

Stop it.

[♪♪♪]

Anyone have a rice cooker I can borrow?

Ha! You borrowed mine six months ago.

Bingo.

Well, you can pick it up

at Wanda's table.

She's trying to sell it.

What?

She's got some nerve.

I know.

Anybody else

have something I might have?

You borrowed my coffee maker a while back.

That's right.

Oh, uh, bad news.

I'm still using that.

Sorry.

What do you say, Rheena, we got a deal?

I, uh, I don't know.

It's just not igniting my bliss.

Cram your bliss. It's $2.

How about I just cram it

back onto your table?

Fine, a buck fifty!

Does that jerk your joystick?

Here you go.

One full bottle of eye serum.

Wow, that was a quick delivery.

Yeah.

Probably drones.

Ah, it's good to have you back, old friend.

Wow, they must have really cranked up the turmeric

since the last time I ordered.

So you think it's...

I mean, it's good?

Of course.

You see, Davis,

you have to spend money on the good stuff.

I hope you've learned a valuable lesson.

You have no idea.

[♪♪♪]

Could you at least put it in a gravy boat

or something?

There.

One-and-a-quarter cup hotdog. Happy?

Hmm, what's up with this hotdog?

It tastes different.

I've changed things up a bit.

I got rid of that old cast-iron skillet

when it didn't ig--

You did what?!

Th-th-that skillet

has decades of delicious hotdog history

entombed in its griddley goodness.

Yeah, and it was getting gross,

so now I'm boiling them.

Boiling them?

What are you, a drunk babysitter?

Boiling just washes away all the nummy nitrates.

Well, if you really want,

you can drink the hotdog water.

How? You're out of cups.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

I can't believe she got rid of that skillet.

Boiling... it's so wrong.

Word to the wise, kid,

that's not cooked. It's disinfected.

You could perform surgery with that hotdog.

I think you're being a bit dramatic.

It's pronounced "traumatic."

What did you do with that skillet, anyway?

It was in the box of stuff

I gave Wanda to donate.

It's gone. Get over it.

Do you not want your hotdog?

Well, of course I want my hotdog.

It's nature's most perfect food.

[muttering] Boiled...

Unbelievable.

[♪♪♪]

You've really done it, Emma.

We're gonna be rich.

We've had this stuff in our kitchen

the whole time.

We could've been younger years ago.

People are going to go crazy

for this stuff.

Eye serum, you serum, we all serum for--

Nah, doesn't really work.

You made more?

If Karen sees this,

she'll know her stuff is fake.

Who cares?

She loves it.

Get in on the scam or scram.

Yeah, take that flawless skin

somewhere else.

You guys...

Well, this is great.

Everyone's mad at me

because you're too stupid to know

when you've stolen something.

Look, it was a series of honest mistakes.

All right, how about this,

I'll split whatever I make off of my stuff with you.

[sarcastically] Oh, yay!

Now I gotta figure out

how to spend three and a half cents.

Wanda!

Where's the skillet you got from Lacey?

You mean the war pan?

I have it right here.

I was just going to clean it up--

No, don't touch it!

I'll give you 100 bucks for it

just the way it is.

Deal!

Now you owe me 100 fewer dollars

than you did a minute ago.

Sweet!

Now you owe me 50 dollars more

than you did a minute ago.

Oh.

Well, see? Everyone wins.

Can I owe you?

[♪♪♪]

Look at my face!

I have totally broken out!

Well, it makes you look more like a teenager,

so that's good, right?

It's terrible.

You know what I want to do?

Talk about your changing body?

Obviously

the skincare company changed the recipe

and have to be held accountable!

Well, the recipe might be a teeny-tiny bit different

on account of us making it in Emma's kitchen.

You did what?

It's just olive oil, and honey, and--

Ooh, what's this?

Something that will put

a little spring in your step.

And take years off your life.

It's--

It's turmeric salad dressing,

and only $8 a bottle.

Great for the joints!

Geez, Karen,

maybe you should buy some

and try eating a little healthier.

Your skin is a little--

Not in the mood, Mavis.

Listen, Karen,

we should probably get a cut of that--

Back off!

Typical moody teenager.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

My waffle maker has never worked better

since you scrubbed the years of batter gunk off it.

Oh, that must've taken you hours.

Here's a little something for you.

And I gotta say

I'm sleeping better

knowing my popcorn maker isn't gonna short out

and start a fire.

Thanks for your trouble, Hank.

You know the deal.

Half that is mine.

Yeah, I-I still don't understand

why we're splitting this.

Yeah, but you're used to not understanding stuff.

What do you mean?

[sizzling]

You probably can't wait

for those new cups and plates and stuff

to come in.

I bet they'll really instigate some euphoria.

Nah, they're just cups.

I may have taken things too far.

You were right, some things are just good.

They don't have to ignite bliss.

On the contrary,

I now understand what it's like

for something to give you true bliss.

This hotdog,

that skillet.

I want to thank you for your service and your--

[sizzling] Ow! Ooh, ow!

Okay, I'll let that cool down first.

Were you going to hug that skillet?

[♪♪♪]

♪ I don't know ♪

♪ The same things ♪

♪ You don't know ♪

♪ I don't know ♪

♪ I just... don't know ♪

♪ Ooh... ♪

♪ It's a great big place ♪

♪ Ooh... ♪

♪ Full of nothin' but space ♪

♪ Ooh... ♪

♪ And it's my happy place ♪

♪ I don't know ♪♪