Original subtitles

Hmm.

[telephone rings]

Hello?

Emma?

It's time.

Huh.

What is that about?

Well, we're either being attacked by Godzilla,

or it's Bread Day.

What's Bread Day?

You're just totally breezing over

the Godzilla thing?

I'm 90% sure it's not Godzilla,

and 10% sure Mothra will protect us.

So what is Bread Day?

Well, not to be too expository,

but every now and then,

my mom makes this incredible sourdough bread.

The whole town goes crazy for it,

so they all line up at Mom and Dad's house

hoping to pinch a loaf.

Let me rephrase that.

Don't bother.

What if it was Bread Day

and Godzilla was attacking?

You've met my mom, right?

He'd line up like everyone else.

♪ You think there's not a lot goin' on ♪

♪ Look closer, baby you're so wrong ♪

[♪♪♪]

What's the deal

with Tommy Tool-Time over there?

I'm getting one of those smart locks installed,

so I can lock and unlock the door remotely

with my phone.

Ha! Did you get sucked in.

Regular old key locks have worked

for thousands of years.

Why would you waste your money on a smart lock?

I can think of a few reasons.

[cell phone rings]

[Wanda]: You gotta let me in to Corner Gas.

I forgot my keys.

[cell phone rings]

[Wanda]: Come let me in. I lost my keys.

[glove snaps]

I'm a little concerned

about your hotdog consumption.

[cell phone rings]

[Wanda]: I forgot my keys!

Oh, this is my fault?

You ever think there's times

you shouldn't answer the phone?

Ah... all finished.

I've connected the app to your store's router,

and if you upgrade to the premium version,

it's a whole smart home system.

This isn't my home,

Johnny Upsell.

I just need the free lock thingy.

All right, well, then, just open up the app

and input your cheap-ass thumbprint--

My what?

Your thumbprint, on your phone.

It's a solid system.

Tempered steel deadbolt,

reinforced door hinges.

It's like a bank vault.

You see a lot of bank vaults

with windows?

[crowd murmuring excitedly]

Hey!

What do you think you're doing?

Hey, no cutsies, no buttsies!

I'm not buttsie-ing!

I just have a few questions.

Karen,

what's the deal with Bread Day?

How does this work?

How long has it been going on?

That's too many questions.

Here's all you need to know.

Show up, line up, shut up.

This is the best bread you have ever tasted

in your life,

and it doesn't come around very often.

[cell phone rings]

D.R.P.D.

A what?

What do you mean, "hostage situation"?

[sighs] Fine.

I'll be right there.

Hostage situation?

That sounds bad.

It's making me miss Bread Day,

so, yeah, it's bad.

But what--

[door opens]

[crowd gasping]: Ooh...!

Yes, yes, yes, yes...

[holy chorus sings]

[door closes]

Hey!

How come you yelled at me for cutting in line,

but not Davis?

Is it the gun?

I could have a gun.

You don't know.

You really have no idea about how this works, do you?

I know this...

I'm taking a loaf for me, and a loaf for Karen,

because she had to miss out.

[crowd grumbling in protest]

[Won]: Loaf stealer!

Oh, get bent!

[♪♪♪]

I had to get away from the house.

Bread Day! Aah!

It always drives me batty.

You can't even look up from your stupid phone

for two seconds

to acknowledge your father?

You're addicted to your Tweetspace.

I'm not on Tweetspace, or YouBook, or SnappedIn,

or any other site that isn't actually a site.

I'm figuring out my new smartlock app.

Matlock has an app?

For what, legal advice?

Smartlock.

It's a marvel of modern technology

that'll make my life a lot easier

while revolutionizing security as we know it.

How does it work?

I clearly don't know.

I can't unlock it,

and I seem to have Wanda trapped inside.

Let me outta here!

Yeah, yeah, I'm working on it.

Something's wrong with the app.

I'll open the door as soon as I can.

Until then, relax.

How can I relax when I'm locked in a room

full of snacks, and pop, and...

trashy Hollywood magazines, and...

This actually might not be so bad.

[toilet flushes]

What'd I miss?

[screaming] Get me out now!

[banging on glass] Now!

Okay, let's sample this bread of Emma's,

and see what all the fuss is about.

The fuss is about the bread being delicious.

Duh!

Okay, whoa...

About a thousand times more delicious

than anything at this place.

Well, that's not very--

Here.

I think you'll find I tipped zero percent,

Two-Loaf Lacey!

So this is about me taking bread for Karen?

Because that's just a nice thing to do for someone.

Why is everyone so intense?

It's just bread.

Mmm.

Oh...

Oh!

It's like somebody poured butter on an angel.

Yeah, it is.

Okay, relax!

[♪♪♪]

[error beeps]

Stupid app won't read my thumbprint.

[cackles] Smartlock for a dumbass.

You and your gadgets.

[error beeping]

Fine, I'm here.

What's the hostage situation?

I don't think I said "hostage."

You did.

You said "hostage" and "situation,"

and then you told me not to tell anyone

about the hostage situation.

Oh.

Well, great, now you've told my dad.

Thanks a lot, Karen.

[knocking on glass]

Karen!

Shoot the lock off!

Or shoot me!

Hiya, Karen!

Wait, shoot him!

Pretty cool, eh?

Me and Wanda are hostages!

You told Hank, too?

Remind me not to share any more secrets

with this one.

Which one?

[knocking]

Hi, Emma.

I tried your bread, and it's incredible.

The best I've ever tasted.

From one baker to another, I've gotta know your secret.

My secret is I want out.

Out of what?

Out of this freshly baked nightmare.

[♪♪♪]

How did Wanda and Hank get locked in Corner Gas?

How far do you want to roll the story back?

40 years ago,

when Emma gave birth to a jackass?

Or just a few hours ago,

when that jackass decided

to hook his front door up to the Internet?

[sighing]

Neither of those tells me anything.

I installed a smartlock,

but the app isn't reading my thumbprint.

It's no big deal.

I overstated things a bit

when I said "hostage situation."

Well, technically,

if they're in there against their will,

it is a hostage situation.

Wanda's just at work.

Well, as much at work as she ever is.

My shift ends in 20 minutes.

After that, I'm getting paid overtime.

No, you're not!

And it's double time.

Time and a half!

-Deal! -Dammit!

The ladder on this fire truck

only goes up nine inches.

What if you're in a building that's a foot tall?

You'd be toast!

I don't know,

get something for them to jump down on.

What, like a sponge cake?

Ooh, Jell-O!

Why don't you try uninstalling

and reinstalling the app?

I'll find something to break the window.

No!

You want to rescue them, knock yourself out,

but no breaking windows.

Fine.

I'll break in another way.

Good luck.

The place is pretty solid.

In police training,

we are taught multiple criminal tactics.

Yeah, but this app has four stars.

How many stars do you have, Karen?

Is it zero?

Zero stars?

[cackling] Speaking of zeros,

here's a big one right here!

Big round one!

Yeah, well, all zeros are round, so...

[♪♪♪]

[Lacey]: Okay, so what's the deal with the bread?

Davis has this amazing sourdough starter

that's been in his family for generations,

but it's only ready to bake with under certain conditions,

and because I'm the best baker in town--

his words, not mine--

he wants me to bake it.

Hmm, so what's the problem?

You should be flattered that he thinks you're the best baker,

when who really knows who's the best?

Maybe I am the best.

Probably.

Not for me to say--

but it's a huge pain, and causes nothing but stress.

I want out.

So, just explain that to Davis.

I can't.

It would be an insult to him and his family

if I were to turn down this huge honour,

as he calls it.

Hmm, I see.

Then what we need to do is make it his idea,

not yours.

Basically, get him to fire you.

I'm not sure that'll work.

I'm really the best baker.

Like, naturally talented.

Again, his words, not mine.

[chuckles] Oh... he's saying those words a lot

for someone who's not even here.

Okay, I've got the app uninstalled.

Congratulations.

Now I just have to download it again

and reinstall it.

I just can't remember the exact name of the app.

Outstanding.

Now instead of worrying about forgetting keys,

you can worry about forgetting

your stupid lock game.

It's not a game.

You sure? [laughing]

'Cause I find this entertaining as hell.

It has the word "lock" in it.

"Lock it Down"?

No, that's a dating app.

"Lock Nest"?

That's for building bird houses,

in Scotland.

Here it is!

"Lock Away"!

Download.

Oh, no, this is a diary app for teenagers.

Well, you're mentally about 13,

so there you go. [chuckles]

Now what are you doing?

Writing some nasty stuff about you in my new diary,

which is locked,

so you'll never be able to read it.

See if you can find an app

that reminds you you're a jackass

every ten minutes.

I already have the live version of that,

and it could use some updates.

[♪♪♪]

Think...

like a criminal.

[chuckling in triumph]

Hello,

what do we have here?

This isn't so bad.

I always said I'd prefer less customers.

[munching]

And I'm liking

the all-you-can-eat snack buffet.

"Please Your Man, Please."

Oh, please...

That's your fourth pop,

and you haven't even finished the third one!

It got warm!

Oh, hey, Wanda,

you want to find out

Who Your Sizzling Celebrity Summer Style Twin is?

I already did that quiz.

I'm a cross between Taylor Swift and Chucky.

[♪♪♪]

You know, uh,

if we never get out of here,

we might have to repopulate,

to further the species.

Kinda like a "last man on Earth" sort of thing.

[gagging]

We're short one man.

[laughing]

I'm more man than you could ever handle.

[laughs and snorts]

Hey, should I get my eyebrows waxed?

Davis,

you seem to know a lot about baking,

what with this whole bread thing.

Can I get your opinion on something?

Sure.

You should get Emma's, too, though.

She's the real expert.

Ta-da!

I want to add something to the menu,

and I can't decide which is best.

Wow!

They all look great.

I'm impressed.

Is that orange zest on your pound cake?

How... experimental.

Hmm...

Mmm.

Mmm.

Well? [giggling]

What do you think?

You've got real skill.

What talent.

This croissant is incredible.

Do you know what would make your menu better?

What?

If you got Emma to bake for you!

She's a real beast with the yeast.

He does have a point.

I've heard my butter tarts are to die for.

[coughing pointedly]

Uh, but Lacey is an excellent baker.

Some might say she's even better than me.

What? Who would say that?

I've never actually heard that,

but I feel like there might be someone out there.

Somewhere.

Far away.

Well, whoever they are is an idiot.

Emma is the Bread Queen.

Yeah, yeah,

your words, not hers.

Pop and Lock It, a Dance Instruction App.

No, that's not gonna--

Although...

No, now's not the time.

Lock of Hair: Social Networking for Stalkers.

Yikes.

[gasping] Gah!

Hank won't stop chewing with his mouth open,

and he's not even eating anymore.

When are we going to get out of here?

I'm trying.

Remembering isn't something I can just do on command.

I've noticed.

Ah, there it is,

Lockblocker!

Right...

with the slightly pornographic logo.

Download.

Wait! Aw, I hit the premium version.

$16.99?

For an app that doesn't work?

Ah, great.

Well, that's one penny shy of $17.00 I'll never get back.

Hmm, auxiliary controls?

Air conditioning?

I can control that from here?

Cool.

When I get out of here, I'm buying an atlas.

I want to see the world.

You're in Saskatchewan.

Stand on the hood of your truck, you can see the world.

[groaning] It's getting cold in here.

I'm freezing to death.

If you do die,

can I cut open your belly and Tauntaun you?

[shouting] Get us out of here!

The AC's broke,

Hank wants to Tauntaun me,

and I don't know what that means!

There, is that better?

[music playing]

No!

Now cheesy, romantic muzak is playing!

I know, I thought that might calm you down

while I tried to make it warmer.

I'll turn it off.

Oh, dammit, now it's updating.

[groaning] I paid $3.01 short of $20.00 for this?

[crunching and laughing]

I should sell tickets to this.

Where did you get those chips?

I don't know. [laughing]

Ask your robot!

Did you get inside?

Did he get inside?

[grunting]

Why are these things always so clean in the movies?

[grunting]

Break into Corner Gas, have a snack,

we'll have a few laughs.

Jackpot!

[cell phone ringing] [thud] Aah!

Jeez, that's loud when you're in a tin box.

D.R.P.D.

Where are you?

Well, if you'll take a look-see

through the window,

by my calculations, in three seconds,

I'll be standing in...

...Corner Gas.

Or... The Ruby.

Hey, Karen.

I got a loaf of Emma's bread for you,

but you're kind of standing on it.

[♪♪♪]

It's no use.

Davis is never gonna let me out of this.

I mean, I get it,

I'm an incredibly talented baker,

but still.

You're not that bad, are you?

You kinda make it hard to want to help you.

Listen, there's one more thing we can try.

You have to throw a loaf.

At Davis?

No, you bake a bad loaf of bread,

on purpose,

and I'll make a good loaf of bread.

Then we'll serve them both to Davis,

and he'll like mine more.

How am I going to bake a bad loaf of bread?

How do you do it?

[chuckling ruefully]

This is starting to feel personal.

You look like you took a nap

inside a vacuum cleaner.

Well, The Ruby's vents are very clean now,

but you're right,

it's impossible to break in.

Impossible?

My dad's been in and back twice.

Oh, please.

Oscar,

tell me how you got inside.

Forget you, fuzz.

Why should I tell a dirty cop?

You're literally dirty and fuzzy.

Hmm, I notice you're a little dirty too,

but you just have dirt on your elbows and knees.

Why is that?

I have the right to remain silent,

and you have the right to pound sand.

Cool.

Medium moisture content.

[gasps]

There's a crawl space, isn't there?

No, you're crazy.

Yeah, crazy like a fox,

or some animal that tunnels...

is my point.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a hole to crawl into.

When I get out of here.

I'm gonna hold my son.

Just hold him,

and steal all his body heat.

First thing I'm going to do

is eat a bag of chips.

All you've been doing is eating chips.

Yeah, but I'll be eating them

as a free man.

[banging on glass]

This is torture!

Get us out of here now!

Or I'm gonna break every window in this place,

and then every window in your house,

and then your parents' house,

and then your glasses,

and your father's glasses!

Hey!

I don't understand.

I put in my thumbprint when we set it up,

and it won't recognize it.

I get to the screen, and--

Well, I'd let you use my thumbprint,

but my fingers are covered in delicious free grease.

Yeah, we don't have the same thumbprint, Dad.

That's not how genetics--

Hang on...

I was eating my breakfast chips

when I set this thing up.

My thumbprint was greasy.

Hey! Get your own.

[app chimes]

[lock clicks open]

Freedom!

[groaning in relief]

I can finally breathe again!

No more eating chips,

drinking pop, and playing with toys.

Though that fire truck was kinda fun.

Well, I'm outta here.

Thanks for the overtime.

Wait a minute.

You're not leaving until you clean up.

It's a mess in there.

Fine, but keep your greasy paws off that lock,

and I mean it.

[muttering]

This is so totally going in my diary.

[♪♪♪]

Davis, I managed to make a few more loaves

out of the starter.

How about a slice,

fresh out of the oven?

And I also baked a loaf.

I didn't use the starter dough,

but still.

Do you mind sampling my bread

and giving me a few notes?

Sure.

Hmm.

Mmm, good sponginess.

Definite bready taste throughout.

Crumby finish.

The good "crumby."

Excellent job.

Mmm.

Ugh. Oh, no.

Emma, bad news.

This loaf is terrible.

This can only mean one thing.

I'm a better baker than Emma.

No.

This means the sourdough starter must've gone bad.

That's sad.

Oh, well, I guess 117 years is a good run.

I'll go throw it out.

[both screaming] No!

Once I greased up my fingers,

this thing is super easy to use.

[soft muzak starts playing]

I do like this ditty.

What's it called?

Off.

Stupid title.

No.

Shut the stupid thing off.

I cleaned up.

Can we go now?

Door closing.

Everyone out?

Everyone better be out of here,

because I am closing the door.

Electronically.

Last call for freedom!

[lights click]

A-ha!

Karen to the rescue!

Wanda? Hank?

[groaning]

Ungrateful sons of--

Fine.

Then I guess I'll just take some snacks for the road.

Hey!

Where are all the chips?

Don't throw out the starter.

We were trying to make you think

Lacey's a better baker than me

so that you'd want her to take over the bread ritual.

I'm ready to retire from being the bread queen.

And I'm ready to wear that crusty crown.

Oh, well, why didn't you say so?

That's no problem.

Honestly,

this sourdough starter is so great,

anyone with basic skills

could make delicious bread with it.

"Basic"?

You told me I was the best baker on the planet.

Your words, not mine.

I just thought

you kinda needed all that praise and fuss--

Boy, she needs a lot of fuss.

--so you'd keep baking the bread.

Wow.

That's humbling,

and insulting.

I don't know why anyone would want to bake your stupid--

Yes! I'm the bread queen.

Bow down and kiss my crust!

My words, not yours.

[telephone rings]

Hello?

[Davis]: Lacey.

It's time.

No, it's not.

[♪♪♪]

[Brent writes]: Dear Diary.

File today under "toughie."

Nobody understands me.

My dad is a total grouch.

Sometimes I think people in this town

like my mom's bread more than they like me.

I can't wait till I grow up, and--

Hang on, I'm 40.

I'm too old for this stuff.

[clicks, game monsters snarl]

Here we go.

Die, zombie ghost scum!

[♪♪♪]

♪ I don't know ♪

♪ The same things you don't know ♪

♪ I don't know ♪

♪ I just... don't know ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ It's a great big place ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Full of nothin' but space ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ And it's my happy place ♪

♪ I don't know ♪