All language subtitles for Corner.Gas.Animated.S03E05_English

[♪♪♪]

To Meg!

"Meg"?

Does Hank have
a girlfriend?

"Meg" is short
for "Megalodon."

It's Shark Week,
Lacey.

Read a book.

We're toasting sharks?

On the prairies?

How about...

to Dog River Days!

Is that comin'
around again?

It's next week,

and I haven't heard about
any planned activities.

That's because
there aren't any.

Someone was supposed
to remind us to plan them.

Who?

So no one remembers who
was supposed to remind us?

Okay, well,
let's have a parade.

We've never had
one of those.

We used to have 'em.
Every year.

Really?

Well, why'd you stop?

I don't
remember.

Hey! Who's supposed
to remind us of stuff?

♪ You think there's not a lot
goin' on ♪

♪ Look closer, baby
you're so wrong ♪

[♪♪♪]

Wanda, what are you
doing for the parade?

Lawn chair, sunscreen,
slingshot... the yoozh.

My list is massive.

You've got to do
your share.

My share?

We were at the bar,
talking sharks,

and you decided we needed
to throw a parade,

and now I have chores.

You've done
more than your share.

All you need to do
is make one phone call.

The parades used to be
sponsored by Flameball Candy.

Contact them and see
if they'll kick in some money

and candy to throw out to kids.

Here's their phone number
and fax number.

Fax number?

Who delivers
their stuff?

Knight Rider?

Hey-oh!

Lacey, about this parade.

Will Miss Dog River be in it?

Uh, probably. Maybe.

Miss... "Miss" what?

Great!

That means there's going to be

a Miss Dog River Pageant,

and I want to compete.

Let's drop
the marriage status

and age limit.

A-And sex limit.

I'm saying
that me and my junk

should be able
to enter as well.

Your junk hasn't entered
anything in years.

Hey-oh!

I forgot my phone.

A pageant?

Uh, I'm too busy to care.

If I don't have to run it,
you can both compete.

And may the best...

Uh, good luck.

Why are you competing?

Because the winner
always gets to ride

in Anderson's classic
cherry red '62 convertible.

He won't let me get
anywhere near his car,

but if I win this,
he'll have no choice.

Mwa-ha-ha-ha!
The fool.

Why are you competing?

It's a story
from long ago...

I was a finalist
in the pageant years ago,

up against Helen and Mavis.

I was so insecure
about losing

that I tried to sabotage them,

and was disqualified.

If you don't
count my marriage,

it was the biggest regret
of my life.

Wow.

I guess we both
have important reasons...

you, for redemption.

And you, for...

a ride in a car?

Convertible. 1962.

Brent, can you
do me a favour?

I'm so busy
with organizing

that I was hoping

you could make
one big float

for Corner Gas
and The Ruby.

So you can do
what you always do

and shoot down
all my ideas?

When have I ever done that?

Uh-uh.

Duh!

[revving]

That last one didn't happen.

Could have, if you were
more open to my ideas.

Well, I promise,

you can build
whatever float you want,

hassle-free. Please?

Ple-e-e-e-e-e-ease?

Ah, you know
I can't say "no"

when you say "please"
with seven "e"s in it.

Whoops!

Davis, I'm going to be

riding my Ziptygo
in the parade,

and I need one officer
up front with me,

and another
on foot patrol. So...

So you want me to be
the parade marshal.

I accept.

Not a parade marshal per se.

You'll just be
shooing away drunk teens.

I'm a lawman.

Synonymously speaking,
I'm already a marshal.

Besides,
it can't be Karen.

She couldn't lead
water out of a hose.

Fine.

Just keep things clear
for my Ziptygo.

I might
do some tricks.

Ooh! Oh...

Competing
in this pageant

is serious stuff.

I think I'm gonna need
a coach or something.

Someone with class and grace,
who knows how to look great.

I need your help.

Well, I'm flattered,

but I'm too swamped
to coach you.

No, no, no.
I need your help

convincing Karen
to be my coach.

Oh. [chuckles awkwardly]

She won a beauty
contest a while back.

Well, maybe
go ask her yourself,

if she's so beautiful.

Great idea.

Thanks for your help!

Flameball Candy
was shut down.

Turns out you can't
line candy vats with asbestos.

So, no sponsor.

Anyways,
made my phone call.

I'm out.

I want you to bring me
solutions, Wanda.

Find another sponsor.

[mockingly]:
"Find another sponsor."

Nah-nanny-nah-nah.

What's
her problem?

[still in mocking tone]:
I don't have a...

I mean, I don't have
a sponsor for the parade.

Flameball Candy
went under.

Too bad!

Murray
was a good guy.

Wait, are you the one

who got them
to sponsor parades?

Yeah. Flameball
Candy sucked,

but it was great
to throw.

You huck
a jawbreaker at a kid,

it hit the mark.

Heh. Sometimes it left a mark.

Plus, Flameball
gave good kickbacks.

There's kickbacks?

Sure! The kids
got the candy,

but Oscar
got the treats.

Getting sponsors
is a thankless job.

The least you can do

is get something
out of it for yourself.

For myself?

Who told you
I won a beauty contest?

You!
At the hotel bar.

Every time
you have three beers.

Oh. Fine.

I won a beauty contest,
but that was a long time ago.

I'm not asking
you to enter.

I'm asking you
to coach me.

Uh, me too.
I asked first.

First?
You just got here.

Hey, Karen. Where's all
the stuff to wash the cruiser?

On the shelf in the storeroom,
back-stabber.

I'd say both of your
chances of winning

are slim,

since one of you
is married

and the other one
has a penis...

but if you want my advice,

I would eliminate
the competition...

like Bu and Tina, for example.

How do we
eliminate them?

Anyone seen
"I, Tonya"?

I can't find the car shampoo.

It's the bottle
with the red label

that says "car shampoo,"
jerkface.

Why are you being
so hard on Davis?

Because he threw me
under the bus,

and now he gets
to lead the parade.

Ugh! Makes me
want to bust some heads.

Then maybe
you could talk

to Bu and Tina
for us.

Y-yeah.
Just talk, though.

Don't go all
"I-Tonka" on them.

There's no way
I should lose to this guy.

At first,
I thought maybe do

a standard tissue float

with the Corner Gas
and Ruby logo on it.

That sounds great!

And then
I thought this...

Aliens run out of fuel
and land at Corner Gas.

While their ship
is being serviced,

they have lunch in The Ruby.

It tells a whole story.

Wow. Heh.

Wow, wow, wow.
Um, I-I...

I couldn't help but notice

that you're very hairy
in that sketch.

Oh, that's not me pumping gas.
That's a Sasquatch.

I was gonna call it
"Gas-Squatch,"

but my lawyer did
some clearance search and...

pfft.

Now, let me guess,
you don't like it?

I didn't say that. Heh!

It just it-it-it...
it caught me by surprise.

Well, this is
a rough sketch.

Things could change
as I work on it.

Oh, good!

I mean, good... pfft,
more good things to come.

Heh. Uh...

[whistling jovially]

What the...?

My marshal mobile!

What the hell is this stuff?

This is
your evening gown?

Dammit! I was
gonna wear purple.

Did you convince
Bu and Tina

not to enter
the pageant?

They were pretty stubborn.

"Miss Dog River"?

Parading around in swimwear,
looking for approval?

Yeah. What is
this, 1982?

But I managed
to convince them.

Hey, how do you think
I'd look in chartreuse?

And, uh,
what is chartreuse?

[grunting]

Hey, Brent.

I just thought
I'd come by

and see how
things are going.

I've had second thoughts
about my original idea.

You can't have Sasquatch
and aliens on a float...

Oh! I agree!

...without having
superheroes too.

What?

What the hell
are you doing?

My thoughts exactly.

Your design is
wa-a-ay too out there!

Ah, screw
the design!

You're making your float
out of plywood?

What do you think
that's gonna cost ya?

Chicken wire and tissue flowers,
that's the way to go.

And what makes you
an expert?

I've been
building floats

since you were
knee-high to a diaper,

and I'm telling ya...

Well, I'm telling
both of you

to leave me
and my float alone.

Lacey, you said
I could design it,

so I am.

And I'm the only one
that's building it.

So if you don't mind...

Oscar...

how would you like

to build a float
for The Ruby?

Why the hell
would I do that?

It would give you
the satisfaction

of proving Brent wrong.

You had me
at "wrong."

That was literally
the last word I said.

But you can't
tell Brent.

You had me...
at "Brent."

Hello.
Red Whip Licorice?

This is Wanda Dollard,

President and CEO

of the Dog River
Parade Committee,

and I have
some tremendous news for you!

After considering
many qualified candidates,

we've decided that you,

Red Whip Licorice,

makers of my favourite candy,

can give us free product
and sponsorship money.

Congratulations!

Sorry.
We don't do sponsorships.

Never have.
Never will.

But this is
an amazing opportunity.

Perhaps you could
take me out to dinner

on your expense account,

and I'll explain how...

Don't do 'em. Bye, now.

[dial tone]

The hell's his problem?

Where are
the Band-aids?

Damn chicken wire

is scratching the hell
out of my hands.

Hey, Lacey.

I feel kinda bad about
blowing up earlier.

It's both our float,

so we should both
have a say.

I promised not to
criticize your work.

So whatever you do,
I'm 100% on board.

So you don't mind

if maybe I make Sasquatch
and an alien kiss?

Ooh! You know what would
make it even more dramatic?

If sparks flew
when their lips touch.

Yeah! I-I could
hook up a battery.

Great.
That is gonna be awesome.

[chuckles] Keep up
the good work.

Let's practice
your posture.

Uh, isn't that
supposed to be a book?

Books
are for losers.

Coffee
is for closers.

Ow. Ow, ow, ow!

[cup shatters]

Losers don't have
burns on their scalps.

Karen,
can I speak to you, please?

You told me
to use the red bottle,

and look what happened.

No.

I said the bottle
with the red label

that said "car shampoo."

"Car shampoo"
is the key part of this.

Well, you said it fast
and called me "jerkface."

I got mixed up.

Now what?

You're the big, smart
parade marshal.

Figure it out,
jerkface.

I need a sponsorship
update, stat.

Wanda?

What the hell are you doing?

And wearing?

I'm not Wanda.

I'm Whippy
Shortstocking,

the about-to-become-beloved
mascot of Red Whip Licorice.

Hi-yah!

...who does karate?

I'm just
workshopping ideas.

Maybe she breakdances.

So the licorice
people said "yes"?

We got a sponsor?

Well, they haven't
said "yes" yet.

But how could they not,

once they see me
in this great costume?

Here, take
some pics for me.

You really think
this'll work?

Won't know
unless we... aah!

So "no" to the breakdancing.

So...

I really need
some coaching

for the Q&A.

Relax.

The secret

is to imagine
yourself naked.

Don't you mean imagine
the audience naked?

Rookie mistake.

Imagine yourself naked.

Think about how
confident you'll be

once you have clothes on.

[phone rings]

Hello?

Wanda Dollard?

It's Mr. Cahill
from Wed Rip Licorice.

Ahem. I mean, Wed...

[groans]

Been working here 30 years,
I still can't say that.

Red... Whip... Licorice,

and we'd like
to sponsor your parade.

I knew it! Ha ha!

So the photos
really sealed the deal, huh?

They absolutely did.

It's the same woman as before.

My concern is
that it's escalating.

First, the harassment...

...and now
this lunacy.

That's supposed
to be a mascot?

Looks like a bag
of bloody fingers.

Give her 500 bucks
and some candy,

and let's pray
she goes away.

We do not want
a repeat of 2009.

[tearfully]
How many times

are you gonna bring that up?

I said I was sorry!

[wailing]

Gaah! Hot!

Geez, Emma!

You screwed up
my posture exercise.

Aren't you supposed
to do that with a book?

Karen told me
to do it this way,

and she's the expert.

I guess beauty really is pain.

Is she really
an expert?

She told me

I should picture myself naked
to boost my confidence.

Huh.

You better not

be doing what
I think you're doing.

No, no, no.

Just out of curiosity,

what beauty pageant
did you say you won?

It was the, uh...

Miss...

Little...

Pageant.

Gah. All right, fine!

It was
a baby photo competition.

But I won!

I crushed those other babies.

So, here's
the thing...

You're fired.

Dad, I need to borrow the...

What are you doing?

Lacey told me
not to tell ya.

Oh. That's funny.

I was just
talking to her,

and she told me
to tell you

that you're supposed
to tell me.

Geez, that woman
can't make up her mind.

Fine, I'm building
a classic-style float

for The Ruby.

That's why
she doesn't care

who my Sasquatch
kisses.

Squash your dishes?

Never mind.

Lacey sent me over
to tell you that...

we're joining
our two floats together.

But don't tell her I told you.
It's a surprise.

That woman's
a flake.

You know,

I did spend some time
pretending I was naked,

and I feel great
now that I'm in clothes.

Maybe Karen does know
what she's talking about.

Speaking
of Karen...

she just joined
the competition.

You're both going down!

Are all of
Fitzy's Foxes

ready to...

Karen, w-what are
you doing here?

I'm about
to show these two

who the real
beauty queen is.

No,
you're not.

Davis is parade marshal,

so I need someone
on foot patrol.

That's you.

And you can't do foot patrol
wearing a crown

in the back
of Anderson's convertible.

Ugh! Stupid
jerkface Davis!

Hey...

you're not taking out
another "till loan," are you?

Like you have
this kind of cash.

Red Whip
sponsored the parade.

I knew my costume would work.

What are you,
a blood fountain?

I'm Whippy Shortstocking.

I'm about to become
a beloved mascot...

the Mr. Peanut of licorice.

Is Mr. Peanut
really that popular?

Mr. Peanut's
coming to the parade?

He's gonna see
one of my floats?

Nope.
But Whoop-dee Redsocks will.

[scoffs]

She's
no Mr. Peanut.

That guy's got style.

Oh, why did I come in here?

Oh! Yeah.
You lazy idiot,

get out here!

We've got
to join our floats!

Yeah, right
behind you.

You landed
a sponsor?

Job well done.

Oh, I'm not done.

If I got this
from a few pictures,

imagine what'll happen

when I livestream
during the parade.

Those corporate eggheads'll
sign me up

to be their official mascot...

and then I'll be making
San Diego Chicken money!

Well,
this is win-win.

You get mascot money,
kids get free candy.

Kids? No, no.

This kickback licorice
is for mama.

Wow, I nailed it.

Looks great.

What do you think,
bright green bunny?

Oh, I think you've inhaled
too many paint fumes.

Step away
from the vehicle!

Ooh...

neon bunny
makes a good point.

I better get some air.

Oh, man.
I'm so nervous.

Shh! I'm getting
into my smile.

And now,
our first contestant,

Emma Leroy!

Emma!
What are you doing?

Mavis and Helen
are judging.

They'll never pick me

after what I did to them
all those years ago.

My dream is dead.

Hank!

Attention,
everyone!

I pulled a hammy
vaselining my teeth,

so I'm out.

Emma Leroy
is Miss Dog River!

♪ Look at her ♪

♪ Parading around ♪

♪ In her gown and crown ♪

♪ Smile on her face ♪

♪ Like she owns
the place... ♪

I told you,
the order goes:

Fitzy on
his scooty thing,

marching band,

Won on a whale,
for some reason.

Won doesn't want to be
behind the marching band.

Something to do

with the wind
and the spit valves.

Well, just tell him
to keep his mouth shut.

Eh...

Lacey,
come see our float.

Ta-da!

It's just
what you asked for.

I figured since you liked
Dad's idea so much,

that we'd mash them together
into one megala-float.

It's like a Megalodon,
but not a shark.

Ugh! Oscar...

I told you
not to tell him.

And then you told him
to tell me

to tell him
what you told me!

Yeesh, this one!

You did exactly what I said
you were going to do,

and now you have to live
with the consequences.

[tires spinning]

Hmm. Too heavy?

Maybe if Sasquatch

didn't have three
alien girlfriends,

this would've worked.

Shaming Sasquatch about
his polyamorous lifestyle

isn't going
to help anything.

Ugh! That's great!

"Come to The Ruby,

where the coffee tastes
like Sasquatch pee."

It tells a story!

Where's the cruiser?

It's right here.

Why wash it
when you can repaint it?

I'm not just
a parade marshal,

I'm a renegade billionaire
bat parade marshal.

Congratulations.

Enjoy riding
in this beauty.

Enjoy driving
this beauty.

My first move
as Miss Dog River

was to command Mr. Anderson
to let you drive the car.

Whoa! Really?

Does Miss Dog River
have that kind of power?

Maybe.

He might just be
scared of me personally.

[chortling]

Uh, hey, how fast
can we go in a parade?

What's up,
Red Whip Licorice fans? Execs?

It's me, Whippy Shortstocking,

your official mascot,
contract pending,

coming at ya live
from Dog River Days Parade!

Whew, it's hot out here.

Hey, kids!
I'm Whippy Shortstocking!

Do you like licorice whips?

Yeah, I love them!
Can I have some?

No. But you can have
a high-five

or a warm, sticky hug.

Dealer's choice.

You're supposed
to give us candy.

Yeah, where's
the candy, freakshow?

-Yeah!
-Aah!

Hey! Wait a minute.

[kids]: Candy! Candy! Candy!

Oh! Hey. Ow! Hey! Stop that!

My hair's not edible!
Those are pool noodles!

Help! Anyone!

Help me!

Okay, kids,
settle down.

Wanda, give 'em
the candy,

and they'll stop.

No! That's my candy.
It's my kickback.

Well, you're getting
plenty of kicks back now.

Heh-heh. Enjoy!

No! Karen!

Ah-ha-ha!

Renegade bat parade marshal
coming through!

One side, citizens.

Do not approach the mayor.

Ahh! Ah...

Make sure you stop by
Corner Gas and The Ruby

to see our float...

which tells you to stop by
Corner Gas and The Ruby.

And know
that the float

at Corner Gas

was built

by the jackass
in front of me.

They don't need
to know that!

Lacey told me
to tell 'em.

Here. Is that
your mascot money?

No. It's a cease-
and-desist letter.

I have to destroy the costume!

The execs at Red Whip feel

I used "excessive force"
against "small children."

There's no mention of the fact
that they started it.

Well, you're still
better off than Hank.

None of this
would've happened

if I was
Mr. Dog River.

Exactly how did
you crash a car

going four miles
an hour?

Maybe I was
distracted

by the melting
candy woman

fighting children.

Hey!
Now, no need to argue.

You're both
equally ridiculous.

[♪♪♪]

♪ I don't know ♪

♪ The same things
you don't know ♪

♪ I don't know ♪

♪ I just... ♪

♪ Don't know ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ It's a great big place ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Full of nothin' but space ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ And it's my happy place ♪

♪ I don't know ♪