Original subtitles

Bleach, rubber gloves.

Either you're disposing of a body,

or it's time for some Spring--

Fever! Yes.

I have a touch of Spring Fever.

Spring Fever?

Well, well, well.

Well, thank you, Mother Nature

for giving us the natural urge to--

La-la-la-la la-la-la!

Oh, grow up and accept the fact

that your mother and I--

La-la-la-la la-la-la-la!

I'm gonna go home

and sprinkle on some cologne.

[giggling]

Maybe stretch a little.

I shall see you soon, my sweet.

[door closes]

Way to go.

Now he thinks we're getting nasty

instead of just cleaning the garage.

La-la-la-la la-la-la-la!

I said we're not getting--

Oh, forget it.

Wait, did you say nasty?

♪ You think there's not a lot going on ♪

♪ Look closer, baby you're so wrong ♪

[♪♪♪]

[radio playing]

[humming]

Mm...

I got a lot going on here.

I should probably focus on the--

Ooh, I love this song!

[turns up radio]

[yelps] Ah!

Oh, boy.

Why are we looking at the town website

for Wullerton?

[all spitting]

Because they proudly claim to be rat free.

Why can't we be rat free?

Probably because of all our rats.

I'm appointing you both

to be part of a special unit

to rid Dog River of our rat problem.

Why us?

I mean, awesome,

but why us?

I chose Wanda to be the brains of the operation,

and you for your willingness to deal with the filth.

Makes sense.

Why would anyone agree to be on your stupid rat patrol?

You get these dope t-shirts.

-There we go! -Sweet!

[♪♪♪]

Are we wearing the wrong shirts?

I can't see anything in these glasses.

Hey, snazzy tees.

Did you two join a club?

A t-shirt club?

Are there t-shirt clubs?

Can I join your club?

We're SRU.

Special Rodent Unit.

We're here to trap your rats.

What!

Keep your voice down.

Ooh, I get it.

You're worried the rats might be listening.

Blink twice

if they're in the kitchen.

She wants us to keep it down

because this is a restaurant,

and customers don't want to hear about rats

while they're eating!

[gulps]

...because they're disease-spreading vermin!

The customers?

No, the rats.

Well, Ike has a fungus on his--

Please, shut up.

Emma...

it's time for some frisky business.

[giggles]

Oh...

Oh, you wanna do a little role play.

All right, I'll be the janitor,

and you're the French teacher.

Bonjour, mon frère.

Où est la biblio-bed?

I hate to disappoint you,

but there's no sex.

We're doing spring cleaning.

Cleaning?

You tricked me!

It's not that difficult.

After you're done raking the lawn,

you need to fertilize it.

There's still fertilizer in here...

[grunting] ...somewhere.

What's all this junk?

Isn't it Brent's job to clean this?

Why would he clean our shed?

He doesn't live here anymore.

I dunno, but he always insists on doing it.

Guess it's your job now.

That lazy S-O-B weasels out of chores

none of us even knew he was doing!

I'm going to call him and give him a piece of my mind.

But you...

Is that my robe?

I was just driving along,

hands at 10:00 and 2:00,

and they launched onto the road.

Launched?

Goats are insanely fast

in a pack.

Okay.

I'll call a tow truck,

then we'll go talk to Lanny.

Why Lanny?

Because he lives across the road.

They're probably his goats.

Not necessarily.

They could be anybody's goats.

[bleating] Laa-aa-nny!

[sighs]

Hey, Phil.

A little birdie told me

you have rats in the Hotel Bar.

I had rats.

Then I ran a promotion to get rid of them.

Hank should know that,

since we actually beat the rats off him

at one point.

[rats squeaking, Hank screaming]

Ah! Rats!

Rats!

[grunting in pain]

Right...

I forgot about that.

How does someone forget being beaten

and covered in rats?

I dunno, I took a lot of head shots.

Okay,

stop harassing my customers.

It's Dog River that's being harassed,

by rats.

We need to find 'em

and trap 'em.

...and destroy 'em.

What?

We didn't sign up to kill anything.

You have to kill them.

Otherwise they'll breed like, well...

like rats.

Trust me, I've seen how they multiply in the city.

They've got to be annihilated.

Eradicated.

Exterminated.

Eviscerated.

We get it.

You went to college.

I've lost my appetite.

[groans] You see?

All this rat chatter is putting off my customers.

You sure it's not your big city bloodlust?

Out.

Someone must've let them out.

Oh, I don't know.

Goats are pretty smart.

I saw one on TV that could do math.

My goat pen has a perimeter sensor,

which is linked to a cool app on my phone.

Bleat Beat. [bleats]

Someone must've deliberately opened the gate.

Another unsolvable mystery.

Let's go.

We need to get to the bottom of this.

Fitzy's gonna be furious.

Why does Fitzy have to know?

He has to greenlight the cruiser repairs.

It's gonna be expensive.

Nothing a little spit 'n' polish can't fix.

The hood won't close,

the doors won't open,

and there are clumps of grass in the siren.

So, spit 'n' polish 'n' de-clumping.

What the hell are you doing?

I-I was down here looking for, uh...

shed cleaner.

Shed cleaner?

That doesn't exist.

Anyway, we're out

so I'm going to Corner Gas to pick some up,

and, uh, talk to our lazy son

about shirking his shed duties.

Hey!

Is that my coffee mug?

You seen Wanda?

Her shift starts soon.

like in... 20 minutes ago.

Fitzy assigned her to the Special Rodents Unit,

to get rid of the...

[whispering] rats in Dog River.

[chuckles] Good luck with that.

Dog River's a farming town.

Grain, sheds, barns.

There will always be rats.

Well, not in The Ruby!

There will never be rats in here.

Don't count on it.

Rats are inevitable.

These are old buildings.

I could probably chew through that wall.

Are you saying what I think you're saying?

That I'm a powerful chewer?

Or that we might have rats?

I've never seen any,

but there's probably some in Corner Gas.

Are you serious?

That's gross.

It's not that gross.

Not like Ike's fungus.

Yeesh.

So you swerved to avoid speedboats?

Speed goats.

Davis says the herd was very fast.

Like lightning.

That temporarily blinded me.

There's no money for repairs.

I blew the budget on the SRU unit.

You mean those t-shirts?

100% breathable bamboo cotton t-shirts.

So what do we do now?

Find out who let the goats out.

[distant owl hoots reply lyrics to "Baha Men" song]

Just give someone a fine

so we can absorb the repair costs.

We're not sure a crime was even committed.

How the goats got out is still a mystery.

That will probably never be solved.

Well, there has to be a fine for something.

Negligence?

Mischief?

Vandalism?

Bestiality?

Find something to pay for those repairs.

Ignore bestiality.

I'm pretty sure that's something else.

Check it out, rat droppings.

That's dog poop.

Or these are some big-ass rats.

[cell phone rings]

SRU.

On it.

We just got a lead.

Whole town's talking

about your lax "rat"-itude.

Yeah.

We got a hot tip

that you're soft on rodents.

I was just saying

no place in Dog River can be 100% rat free.

Yeah?

What percentage is Corner Gas?

I don't know. Maybe 94?

So 4% of Dog River's rat problem

is right here.

Try 6%,

and that's not even accurate.

You're twisting my words.

We're the SRU.

We twist whatever we want.

Ow! Hey!

Aren't you supposed to be working right now?

For me?

In this rat factory?

All of my shifts are suspended with pay,

pending further investigation.

Come on, Yarbo.

Don't leave town.

I had no plans to leave town,

but now that's all I can think about!

Well, that and my throbbing nurple.

So you haven't caught one rat yet?

I gave you a pretty good lead.

Right next door.

Look, it's obvious

that Brent is harboring rats in Corner Gas, but--

Brent has rats?

4 to 6% of the town's population.

46%?

Good gawd!

Hmm, Corner Gas is small potatoes.

We need to find the rat source.

The motherlode.

...and then destroy it.

What dark hell did you grow up in?

Who would try to steal goats?

Probably a shepherd.

A bad one,

since he couldn't get the goats to move.

Too bad we don't know any bad shepherds.

Oh, well, case closed.

I know who we should talk to.

[grunts]

Bestiality? I would never--

Forget that. I used to wrong word.

I mean, negligence.

Why are we grilling Zeke?

Because he's a thief.

Remember when he stole bees from you

when you were a beekeeper?

I have an alibi!

I took Ike to the clinic

in the city.

Ooh, he's got a nasty fungus.

So, what should we do now?

Go grill Ike's fungus?

[chuckles]

Are we actually doing this?

I'm finished with the garage.

How are things going here?

[groans]

If you want something done right,

you do it yourself,

and then torture the ones who were supposed to do it.

[yelps]

You ratted me out to the SRU.

Please don't say "ratted."

I'm really mad at you,

but I'm also hungry,

so I will begrudgingly order lunch,

but I won't enjoy it.

I mean, I probably will,

but I'll be mad,

which is my original point.

I was just trying to protect the town that I love,

and when you think about it,

you're part of this town, too.

So... you love me?

[groans] I was protecting you.

You're making a bigger deal out of this than it is.

Right, because if there's one thing we know

about this town,

it's that small things never blow up into big things.

Hey, Brent, how you feeling?

Fine. Why?

I heard you got rabies,

from the rats,

in Corner Gas.

Whoa.

Brent looks awfully angry.

Probably from the rabies,

from the rats, in Corner Gas.

I hope we don't have to "Old Yeller" him.

What does "Old Yeller him" mean?

I never saw the movie.

Does he live a long life

and die peacefully in his sleep

at a ripe old age?

The SRU is searching for the rat's nest.

I just saw it on their Facebook page!

What if something goes horribly wrong?

Anyone ever see "Aliens"?

I haven't.

You've never seen Aliens?

Good gawd!

Get with the times!

You deserve rabies.

We need to protect ourselves.

Who sells rat traps in town?

[muttering]

Don't forget canned food, people.

It's not just for floods and hurricanes anymore.

There aren't any more rat traps on the shelf.

Then we're sold out.

We have fly paper.

That could be sticky enough to slow 'em down.

[muttering]

Wait a minute,

aren't there rats right here in Corner Gas?

They're frightened

by the sound of the cash register ringing.

Keep those purchases coming!

[crowd clamoring]

Brent, if your mom asks,

I came in here looking for shed cleaner.

Except there's no such thing.

Yeah, but she doesn't know that!

[giggling]

Why are we at Helen's house?

I've got an idea.

You want to find rats, you go to the food source.

Hi, Helen. Dog River SRU.

"As I" what?

We're huntin' rats.

And rumor has it that you make cheese.

No, I don't make cheese.

I bought too much cheese at Costco one time,

now everyone thinks I make it.

Oh. Um...

Do you know anyone that makes cheese?

No.

Anything else?

Can I borrow your Costco card?

Woof, that was a nasty fungus.

This case is getting ugly.

Time to shut it down and forget all about it.

The question remains,

why take goats?

Maybe to mow a lawn,

eat tin cans, do yoga,

make feta cheese?

Feta cheese...

I don't make cheese!

I bought too much,

and I sold it all!

Davis, you bought some.

Selling cheese without a licence.

There's a hefty fine for that.

Emma!

What are you doing?

I started without you

and separated everything into two piles--

stuff I'm throwing out,

and stuff I'm going to burn.

I was planning on straightening these,

and that barbeque just needs a new wheel,

grill, handle, and lid.

You can't throw this stuff out!

Then you'd better get in there.

[Oscar grumbling]

Did you get the shed cleaner?

They were out!

I'm not paying any fine.

That's why you're behind bars--

until you pay for our car--

I mean, the fine.

This could go on your permanent record.

Helen the felon--

that's what everyone will be calling you.

Helen..

The..

Felon.

Helen's innocent!

I was driving distracted

and crashed.

I put Lanny's goats on the road

so I had something to blame.

They're literal scapegoats.

[gasps]

You cruiser-crashing goat planter!

We have to tell Fitzy.

No, you can't!

We made a pact,

to have each other's backs.

We called it a back pact.

Remember?

Loyalty or Hell!

Yeah, I don't remember it being that dramatic.

So it's agreed.

We'll always have each other's backs.

We can call it a back pact.

[chuckling]

Ow!

I burnt my tongue.

It was kinda dramatic.

[rat squeaks]

[dramatic music motif]

Jumpin' Jack Palance!

It's a rat!

We've finally got a rat to trap!

No, we've finally got a rat to follow,

and this rat will lead us to...

the motherlode.

The motherlode.

There is no way of saying that

that does not sound cool.

Why are you taking pictures?

For the Facebook page.

Oh, looks like he's getting ready to leave.

How do you know when a rat is getting ready to leave?

Is he grabbing his coat and keys?

Damn, changed his mind.

He might need some coaxing.

I have an idea.

Well, if it isn't a filthy rat,

just hangin' out, doing filthy rat stuff.

You make me sick,

literally,

with your germs and your whatnot.

What are you doing?

I'm playing bad cop.

You be good cop.

Go!

Do as he says, kid.

I can't reason with him when he's like this.

Get outta here!

Go back to your friends.

Wait, I'm playing good cop to a rodent?

It's working!

It is? Great!

Now all we have to do

is follow him

back to the mother--

[meowing]

--lode.

Actually when it's broken up like that,

it doesn't sound so cool.

What's this for?

I'm going to attach netting to it

and use it when I catch fish.

The fish you catch

with this half a fishing rod?

The racket goes.

It stays.

Okay, then the fishing rod goes.

It stays with the fishing racket.

Okay, then this toilet seat goes.

Oh yeah, that's an ass pincher.

That's right, Mr. Mayor.

They were a species of... wild goat.

Peruvian.

They're drawn to grid roads, and...

the smell of cops.

So there's no one to blame.

It's an "act of goat" if you will.

Anyway, gotta go,

my, um... stapler's on fire.

[exhales]

I think that went well.

Remind me to never let you go undercover.

[crowd muttering]

[Brent]: Rat- and gluten-free ice cream is on sale.

Also, try some of our non-rat, anti-fat, zero cavity gum.

Four out of five exterminators recommend it.

Do you have rat repellent spray?

I've got this mold and mildew spray

that rats would probably hate.

It's also great for cleaning your shed.

Huh.

Shed cleaner.

Now, who was looking for...

[gasps]

Mom and dad are cleaning out the shed!

Zero rats.

Zero.

You two are a disgrace to your shirts.

It's not as easy as you think.

What do we know about rats?

They live in the sewers

and they train turtles to fight crime.

That's in cartoons.

This is real life.

Rats like dark, damp places...

And chef's hats.

...and cheese.

That's a common misconception.

Rats actually love hard candy.

In cartoons, they like cheese.

And I'm telling you, they love hard candy.

Oh, I know where there's a ton of hard candy.

I have an idea!

Another idea?

You know you're batting zero for a thousand.

You can keep the bent-up golf clubs,

or you can keep the broken fishing rod,

or you can go for what's in the box.

What's in the box?

I thought you knew.

Well, if you don't know, then throw it out.

[panting]

Don't throw out that box!

Look who finally came to do his job.

Too late, buddy boy!

We did it.

I did it.

What's in the box?

Halloween candy.

Hank's right.

When it was our final year of trick-or-treating,

Hank and I really went for it.

We filled pillowcase after pillowcase with candy,

so we would have a huge stash for years and years after.

Oh, the things you do when you're a kid.

[Oscar]: You were 18 years old!

[door slams]

17 and a half,

so technically, still a kid.

So all those times

you said you were cleaning the shed,

you were--

--eating Halloween candy.

There's still probably a good 10 kilos

of street sweets in that box.

It's empty.

There's just some chewed wrappers

and a handful of those orange Halloween candies.

Wow, even rats won't eat those.

[together]: The motherlode.

We have rats?

We wouldn't have,

if you two would do your damn chores.

Now all I have to do

is cleverly engineer a method

of luring the rats into some large box-like trap.

The shed is kinda box-like.

[sniffing]

Close the rat hole!

Rats trapped!

Case closed!

Shed cleaned!

[Fitzy]: You're a good cop, Davis.

I can't say the same for you, Officer Pelly.

It's not her fault.

I made her lie.

Lying doesn't bother me.

I'm a politician.

I'm more concerned about how Karen arrested my grandma.

Hey, that arrest was good. Totally by the book.

Maybe a comic book.

Let's just hope she doesn't sue.

Ooh, send her a cheese platter.

Rumor is she's into that.

Thanks for coming clean.

I saw how it was eating you up.

Oh, Fitzy forgot his coffee mug.

Oh, I'll take it to him.

Maybe it'll help me get back in his good books.

[gasps] You broke Fitzy's favorite mug.

You can't tell.

Back pact!

I got you.

[bleating]

Really?

No one wanted to kill the rats.

Care to do the honors?

I'm not some crazy, blood-lusty killer

that takes pleasure in the pain of animals.

Getting a lot of mixed messages here, Lacey.

Release the cheese!

Release the rats!

See?

Ha-hah! I told you they like cheese!

I pushed some hard candy into it.

[laughing]

[♪♪♪]

♪ I don't know ♪

♪ The same things you don't know ♪

♪ I don't know ♪

♪ I just... don't know ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ It's a great big place ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Full of nothin' but space ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ And it's my happy place ♪

♪ I don't know ♪