Original subtitles

[music]

[background noise]

-She's going to be ugly I tell you like a soldier

coming back from war with half a face and his legs and his arms blown off.

Oh, my God. Are you crazy?

Get that morbid mask off of your face?

Just [?]

Get a bed pan ready in case she throws up.

What an idiot.

-Don't worry, Lily.

Oh,

still cold from aunt you-know-who?

Aunt Naggy is only responding to her never-ending period since birth.

She means well somewhere deep, deep inside.

-She's going to be ugly I tell you.

You might as well just accept it.

Don't lie to her, okay.

Lily has just got to face us like a responsible human being,

like a soldier coming back from war with half a face and his legs

and his arms blown off.

-You know what?

I bet she's going to be more beautiful than ever.

-Ugh.

-Right, Lily?

Like at prom and you look just like Cinderella

and everyone in the school is saying Lily's the most beautiful girl.

Are you smiling?

Good.

-I can't wait to see you smile again, Lily.

-Okay, I think it's time.

Just want to check some of your vitals.

Let's check your heart rate.

That's normal.

That seems normal.

All right,

let's do this.

-Don't.

Like a mummy in a museum,

a morbid corpse underneath all those bandages,

ugly as sin.

Would you like me to remove everybody from the room

before I take off your bandages?

-I would prefer some stay and some leave.

-Would you like to be more specific?

-Oh, you all go?

-I will stay here with the doctor and Lily.

We'll handle this maturely.

-It's okay. Please, all stay.

Let's do this.

-I told everybody,

take her off life support.

-But, no.

[chuckles]

Now,

the devil to pack.

I hate everybody.

-Let's do this.

[suspenseful music]

-Oh.

I don't have any words. -[laughs]

Lily, you're beautiful.

[laughs]

She's beautiful. [laughs] -No, way.

-I didn't expect this to be so perfect.

-Oh, my God.

[laughs]

She looks like a cover girl model.

-I knew it, Lily.

Your soul is too beautiful for any earthly nuisance to temper.

-Didn't think we would be using this.

[music]

-I don't see anything.

-Wait, what do you mean?

-I can't see anything.

-There's a bad accident.

The optic nerve couldn't survive.

-That's not true.

-You mean temporary blindness?

-Look up for me, please.

-Lily, can you see any light?

How about now?

I'm afraid it's permanent.

[suspenseful music]

-With practice not only would you be able

to read letters but in vast illustrations and graphs.

[background noise]

-I can't force her hands to read.

-She needs time.

-Was it time that you need Lily?

-I've worked with Lily, three weeks grade one basic literacy,

and she still refuses to learn.

At this rate, grade two and three will never see the light of day.

I'm sorry.

I did not mean to say it that way.

She's not interested.

If you can please send me a cheque and make sure that it's spelled out

to Lady Mandy,

M-A-N-

and out of sympathy for a hopeless condition,

I shall ensure a 10% discount.

[background noise]

-Aw, too tight.

-Tight reins on a horse is how we learn.

-We walk one block forward on this street and take a left.

[background noise]

-Aw.

Did you hear what I said?

Are you deaf and blind?

Deaf, dumb, and blind.

She refuses to walk so I'm walking.

-I'll walk her home. [music]

-Good luck.

I'll be sending you my doctor's bill.

-What did you do to that poor guy?

-Hey, this asshole is used to walking towards his whole life,

so I just gave him what he's used to.

-I'm so happy to see

that you still have that evil sense of humor.

-You taught it and I never forget it.

Thank you. I'm grateful.

[background noise]

-You're living like you died.

-Better if I was dead.

-How do you know that?

-I'd be able to see.

-How do you know that?

-When I dream, I can see.

-That's not the same as being dead.

-It's like it.

-How do you know what being dead is like?

-Something forbidden told me.

[music]

-The ghost?

-No.

You know I'm afraid of ghosts.

-No. Seriously, tell me.

-Amber,

I don't want to talk about it.

-Because you're depressed you're going to ruin my life.

-You have your own life.

-We have been like two peas in a pod since we were teenagers.

Now all of the sudden, I have my own life.

Thanks a lot.

Maybe I should be the one that dies.

-Do you remember the smelly ghost in the closet?

[music]

The closet door just swung open.

Quickly, under the covers.

[laughter]

-I hid under the covers all night scared to death,

calling him the farting ghost.

[laughs]

Eventually, we found out it was Alfred

who sat down,

who stole the leftover Thanksgiving turkey.

[laughs]

-Is it safe to go out now?

-Hold on.

Let me check.

Coast is clear, at least for now.

Then we'd scare each other by saying,

"Look out. He's right behind you."

[laughs]

-The ghost is behind you.

-[screams]

[laughs]

That's better, Lills, like the good, old days.

I was so scared we'd lose you.

You were so down,

but you made it.

You're okay. You're here.

-I'm not.

[suspenseful music]

So silly, habits.

[knocking]

Yes?

-Detective Bunkers and Detective Truehart.

Thank you.

[silence]

-Lily, we haven't a suspect yet

but we feel you shouldn't be left alone.

-Why?

-We're not so sure this was an accident.

-Why would someone intentionally want to hurt me?

-Not hurt you, but kill you.

-Why would anyone want to do that?

-Lily,

are you aware of your inheritance?

The inheritance will go directly to you

because you lived with your grandfather,

[?] in France until you were 18.

You were his favorite.

Now if you were deceased,

that inheritance would be split proportionately among your family,

which your late grandfather,

he wouldn't have liked, but that's the law.

-Oh, you see.

-Yes.

Look, please, just hire an outside source to protect you.

-Why can't you protect me?

-We have our hunches, but no solid evidence.

-I just don't know.

-Look, I understand.

It's not so pleasant of an idea,

but Detective Truehart

and I would rather air on the side of caution.

-I understand, but I don't know who to call.

-Look, there is a detective who's quite good,

who I can recommend.

Although,

right now, you haven't received your inheritance yet,

would you be able to afford this?

If available, I'll have him call you and perhaps,

you can both work something out in [?].

How's that?

-Okay. Thank you.

-Thank you.

Detective.

-Whoa.

-Sorry. Still learning how to navigate.

-No problem, miss.

I used to be a knuckleball catcher back in the minor league.

-[foreign language]

What?

Just because it's not [?] it doesn't mean it's absent

of experience, right?

-Okay, okay, settle down.

Good afternoon, Lily.

Remember, you're at a disadvantage.

-By the way, Miss,

you've got any hidden cameras here?

-I don't think so.

Why?

-It could be an asset or a detriment depending upon who set them up.

All right.

Have a good evening.

-How are you this glorious afternoon?

-Oh, shut up.

-Okay. Good start.

-What's with that?

-You're asking me? It's your house.

[suspenseful music]

-Your photo journal fell down.

We were such troublemakers.

Well, you were.

You influenced me.

-Well, it takes two to tango.

-[chuckles]

-Why'd you go quiet?

-I'm curious why the journal fell down.

-Because it was hanging off the ledge.

Things fall, gravity.

-What if it were the ghost.

-The smelly ghost was my dog.

-You know I'm talking about the real ghost.

-There was no real ghost.

-Yes, there was.

-No, there wasn't.

-What about the photo?

It's here somewhere.

[suspenseful music]

-I don't want to see it.

Come on.

We'll be late for the lawyer.

[music]

-Here we are.

There is a chair right here. I'm going to help guide you.

-Lily, you are more beautiful than ever.

-Only on the outside.

-I beg to differ.

You are a lovely soul.

-Not anymore.

-Oh, leaving your frame of mind to the doctors.

I will provide you with the one thing I am insanely proficient at,

legal jump rope.

-The cops haven't found out who hit me and run yet.

Why do I need to be here?

-Being that you survived

that leaves you still as the sole beneficiary.

-Meaning, that she still inherits the $500 million?

-Minus legal fees, yes.

What are you going to do with your fortune, Lily?

-I don't know.

-I'm sure you'll figure it out.

Young lady,

young lady,

would you please hand these to Lily.

Oh, and here's a pen.

Miss Vegas.

Miss Vegas will act as a witness to the legal signing

of the transference of monies from the trustees

to her personal account.

Young lady?

-Amber.

-Amber,

could you please confirm that all is proper and true

to which Lily is signing being that she has no reference of sight?

-I, Lily [?] on this day July 20th [crosstalk]

-So on and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

God created the universe in seven days

and it's taking you longer to read two lines.

It's all standard boilerplate.

Just sign.

Ah, women.

-Here,

you're about to be filthy fucking rich, girl.

-Anything else?

-Thank you, dear.

It'll take one week for the transaction to be completed.

-Why so fucking long?

-Red tape bureaucracy.

If you want to change the law,

become a congresswoman.

-Come on, let's go Lily.

-Oh, young lady, can you please close the door?

Can you close the door, please?

-You definitely cheated on the bar exam

because there's no way a slimy turd like you

who can even get off your fat ass to handle claim legal papers

could possibly have the energy to walk to class,

let alone walk the talk.

-Sure.

Blind sign it, Lily.

I'd have someone watch over her

to make sure I get my money.

One,

two,

three, four, five, six, seven--

[loud knocking]

-Amber,

Lily with you?

-No.

-She's not answering.

-I'll be right over.

-Okay.

How do you think I make my living?

Hold this.

Thank you.

Oh, yes, almost there.

Well, at least no dead body.

-Please.

-I wonder where.

-I might have an idea.

Come on.

[suspenseful music]

-You picked the lock.

-How could you know that?

-My senses beyond sight are becoming more sensitive.

-I heard of that happening,

but how could you know about the lock?

-Also, you couldn't be here unless you checked the house first.

-We could have found a spare.

-No, I don't have one.

-You ever think about opening your own detective agency?

-Someone's watching.

Been there before you came.

-I'm going to pay that no good son of a bitch a drunken sailor's visit.

-Don't.

It could be dangerous.

Someone wants me dead remember?

-Who?

-I'm not that good of a detective yet.

-Let's go.

-Yes, let's go.

[background noise]

Hey, Lily, hold up.

You've been practicing.

-Are we being followed?

-Yes.

-How do you know? Eyes behind your head?

-Eyes in front of my head.

[background noise]

-Look to the right, please.

-Blind as a bat.

Oh, sorry, by the way.

Unfortunately, the optics [?] retina, fovea, macula, and optic nerve

are irreconcilable.

-Then how'd she see the reflection in the door?

-She couldn't have.

-She did.

-Sometimes we misconceive certain events to a particular element

and are mistaken.

Her eyes are gone.

She did not see.

-Oh, this is inhumane.

You heard the doctor,

blind as a bat.

Putting her through all these needless experiments

as if she was a guinea pig--

Just have some decency and put her out of her misery.

What's everybody looking at me for?

-What are you saying?

-You know what I'm saying.

Because I've said it before.

Have some decency and put her out of her misery.

Have compassion.

-I'm going to give you five seconds of compassion

before I do something that I won't regret.

-Did you just hear what he said?

Oh, my god, are you going to let him talk to me like this?

-Yes.

-Assholes.

-Good riddance.

-Thank you for all the melodrama.

I'd like to go to sleep now.

-I would have slugged her.

-As,

for,

the,

end,

but,

then,

because.

Your end waits for you.

Letters to ponder messages from yonder.

[frightful music]

-Hi, Lily.

Stay away from the window.

-The doctor gave me some medicine

to dilate the pupils and calm the nerves.

[music]

-You may have [?].

-Tell me something new.

-I'll know more miracles if I get paid miracle.

-Okay, green on the way.

-Asshole.

[background noise]

-Miracle if he gets paid.

[music]

-Shh,

squirrel, be careful.

Your frizzle being used to hide someone watching me.

[background noise]

-Hi, Lily.

Oh, sorry.

I didn't mean to startle you.

I'm Dick, private eye.

-Oh, yes, hi.

Sorry, my guard was down because my attention is on there.

-It's for trees with the people standing behind them.

-Oh, yes. How do you know?

-I've been following them.

Can I sit?

-Would you like a sandwich?

-We have an extra?

-Yes. I packed one extra for you.

[background noise]

-Why?

-I know you were joining my picnic.

-Peanut butter and banana.

My favorite.

-Yes, I know.

[music]

-Lily,

do you have any suspicion on why anybody would want to hurt you?

-Kill me dead?

[?], I know since I'm a military girl.

He can never really would hurt me.

Jen, she's just timid and nice.

She couldn't hurt a fly and naive, whatever.

She [?] her own worst enemy.

-What about Amber?

-No blood sister.

Any bloodshed by me would be bled by her.

-Lily, if it's okay with you,

I'm going to keep an eye on you until I discover the murderer

before you're murdered.

-Yes, better that why.

You have a nice face.

-How would you know?

-I feel it.

May I?

[music]

-I knew it.

-[chuckles]

Yes, well, I was hammered in the ring a little bit.

I got the cauliflower ears, crooked nose, messed up teeth.

-That's what I'm feeling, maybe your alter-ego.

How much would you cost?

-I wouldn't charge you.

-Why?

-In order for me to be my best,

my heart's got to be into it so no money.

-You do this often?

-That's my first one.

-Why now?

-Time to be my best.

-Okay, you can go for free and kill my murderer.

Then I pay you with my inheritance.

Fair?

Deal?

-[chuckles] We'll see.

-Let's go. Them trees are too busy for me.

[background noise]

[suspenseful music]

-You killed her?

-Not yet.

This retainer is premeditated.

-Yes.

-Let's do this another way.

After the crime, then you pay me to represent you.

-Yes.

-You're forgetting your money.

-No, I'm not.

-I don't do business this way.

-After the murder,

you get me off scot-free and you get 10%.

-Of what?

-You know.

[laughs]

[phone rings]

[music]

-Johnny Jerkoff.

Where are you?

I am on fire.

-Keep playing pumpkins.

I'm coming.

-I can't tell you how many times I've--

-Oh, sexy, sexy.

You're my girl.

You know that Virgin Islands condo we keep renting.

-Yes, perk man.

I hate you keeping me waiting like this.

-Yes.

Virgin Islands condo, it's not a virgin anymore.

That's where I'm deflowering you.

What's that mean?

I'm buying it sexy, sexy.

-Oh,

that is sexy, sexy.

How can you hurry up and get to me?

[background noise]

-Be careful.

Yes.

-Oh, I've got it right. I got it.

I got it? -Yes, yes.

-[chuckles]

You're doing okay.

-I shouldn't have had you tandem.

[laughs] I'm sorry.

Are you okay? -Yes.

-Oh.

[laughs]

You're probably better at this.

-Yes, just follow me. -Okay.

All right.

See?

[laughs]

Yes, you got it.

-I'll pull to the brain.

It's quick and efficient.

Strangulation.

It takes a little time but will do the trick.

You need some muscle.

Stabbing.

You have to be careful with blood spurts

getting on clothes and everywhere.

-Yes, I see.

What else is there?

You can strangle with your bare hands?

[background noise]

-This is an umbrella, simple,

but also could be a weapon

or you can throw your victim out of a window.

Just make sure it's over 10 stories high

or the victim can live,

fall away and reveal your identity.

-Okay, but what if I shoot, stab, strangle,

and then throw him out of a window?

-Shh.

Have some respect for the deceased.

-God, forgive me for what I'm about to do.

[music]

Get a grip.

I'll be under the rock soon.

-Sorry, again, about falling.

-It's okay.

-I try to make it a habit of falling once or twice a day

just to bring me back down to earth.

-I can see that.

-[chuckles]

Well, goodnight, Lily.

-Goodnight.

-I'll just be out here to make sure you're okay.

-Thank you.

Did you just lie down on the floor?

-Oh, yes.

Well, I checked in town

and all the hotels were booked up because of the convention.

-You know, you can come in and use my couch.

-Thanks, but against private eye rules.

-Neighbors may think you're homeless and call the cops.

-Well, if that's the case,

I'll show them this.

Oh, sorry, forgot the badge.

-It's okay.

Don't let the bedbugs bites.

-Wait a minute, you have bedbugs?

-Only mice.

-Great.

-Good luck.

-Thanks.

[music]

[background noise]

-Who's there?

[music]

[screams]

-Mouse, mouse.

Oh, hey.

-Dick? -Yes.

Are you okay?

-Yes.

-It's all clear,

except for the ghosts.

-How do you know?

[music]

-Coffee in the middle of the night.

I liked the craziness.

-Yes. It's helped me sleep.

-Reverse brain.

You want to tell me about the magic book?

-I don't know.

-Hey,

nothing really surprises me anymore.

I've had cases ranging from haunted houses

to alien abductions.

Those are the boring ones.

-Really? -Yes.

I've had cases that aren't even my dreams,

things that actually happened.

Look, if you want to tell me what happened,

I promise I won't laugh at you,

[?] anyway.

-Okay.

I'll be right back.

[music]

-Woo.

-[chuckles]

Oh, you got a braille book. You're teaching yourself braille?

-Yes, by myself.

-That's really cool.

It's totally magic.

-Will magic.

-What does that say?

-Come on. Were you born yesterday?

-[chuckles]

-Let me show you.

[music]

You will fall in love.

-That's exciting.

-Death is near.

-Now, you're just trying to get me going.

-No, that's what it's saying.

-What kind of a book is this?

This is a who-done-it, dime-store novel?

-No, it's a beginner's book teaching letters and simple words.

-I don't understand.

-Dick.

-Okay.

All right, I understand. Keep going.

Dick and Jane and their dark spot.

-Dick hunted the house.

The abandoned house near the Seacliff.

Wait for others in the neighborhood to show,

and pretend to be a ghost,

and spook them.

-Did you hire a Dick to investigate me?

-Excuse me.

-A private eye to investigate a private eye?

-Why no.

-Well, then how did you know?

-The book told me.

-Oh, right, some braille book taught you about my past.

Come on.

-I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to upset you.

[music]

-Oh, I'm sorry.

Just bringing back a lot of memories of my childhood.

Well, you press one button, and I'm 10 years old again.

-It's okay.

-Listen,

it's getting all late.

I'm going to go check on my other client

and leave you here to heal my temper tantrum.

Goodnight.

I don't want the bed bugs bite. I'll see you in the morning.

-Goodnight.

Book, where are you?

[suspenseful music]

-You don't need the book.

-[exhales heavily]

-You can read me in your mind.

-Who are you?

-Now, you can read me anytime, anywhere.

Just think of me.

You need to sleep now.

You're safe for the time being.

Goodnight, Lily.

-Who are you?

-No, only one per mouse.

Only one trap,

it does not kill two mice.

Man, some people.

What do you expect for $0.50? Geez, give me a break.

Some people are cheap,

but not you Dory, and not you.

Well, not you buddy, you got to die for this.

I'm sorry, but it's part of the game.

[music]

-Happy birthday.

[background noise]

-Happy birthday.

-You surprised me.

-Happy birthday, girl.

[laughter]

-Come on birthday, girl, help you down.

Watch out for balloons.

Are you surprised?

[cheering] -Hey, the merry-go-round.

-The merry-go-round. [chanting]

-We were hoping to catch you off guard.

-There she is, the birthday girl.

-Hey, the merry-go-round, the merry-go-round.

-There you go. -The merry-go-round.

-Happy birthday. -[?] funny time.

-Happy birthday, happy birthday.

Happy birthday, happy birthday.

Hey, everybody, it's time to have cake.

-Hey, let’s go baby.

-Cake, cake, cake.

-Everybody’s her.

[music]

-Time for cake.

Happy birthday, girl. -Happy birthday.

-Happy birthday.

Now, you don't sit down because you got a speech.

-Speech.

-I don't know what to say.

-Say anything.

-Oh, leave her alone. She just woke up,

probably wishes she didn't.

-Please, Naggy, just for one day, be kind.

It's her birthday.

-Probably wishes she wasn't even born.

-Sounds like our Naggy needs flowers.

-Oh, my gosh, thank you so much.

[laughter]

-Oh, my God.

-He just [?] off her face.

[laughter]

-Oh, double whammy.

All right, girlfriend. [laughs]

Lilly, blew up them candles, girl.

-Oh, you can't see but it's funny. [laughs]

-Uncle [?] tricks.

[laughter]

-Why can't he just grow up?

[background noise]

-I know.

I want to tell you all something incredible.

The most amazing thing that's ever happened to me.

-Do not tell them anything.

[music]

-Hey, birthday cake,

birthday cake.

Sure, this puppy up.

Here it comes, here. Oh, that was great. [laughs]

Did you see that?

That was a birthday cake slice.

-Dessert.

-All right.

Happy birthday.

[laughs]

-You’re an idiot.

-Oh, man. -You're not going to eat your cake?

[music]

[laughter]

-I am going to put that big fork right into your brain.

[laughter]

-Alakazam, alakazu.

Watch this balloon.

I chant for you.

[laughs]

[background noise]

-Oh, wow, and chanting. Fortune balloons.

[music]

[background noise]

-Suspect one.

What's that supposed to mean?

-Suspect two.

-Jane?

What does your say?

-Suspect three.

-Aunt Naggy.

[background noise]

-Suspect four.

-Lilly.

There's one on your lap.

Can I read it for you?

-It's braille.

-You don’t say.

-What does it say?

-Have a happy birthday.

-Well,

I don't know about you guys, but I'm ready to party.

Come on. Let's all get up and dance

and somebody turn on some music and let's buggy.

[laughs]

We love that game.

Come on, everybody let's party. [laughs]

-Hi.

-They're gone.

-Drunk and gone.

-You,

drunk?

You lied about your fortune, didn't you?

[silence]

-How did you know?

-Blood sisters means we understand each other.

-That I was the most suspect.

[background noise]

-Oh, shit.

You need a gun.

-I can't see, remember?

-What about that private eye? You have your eye on.

-I like him.

There was some connection,

but he's on the list.

-No, double shit. He's a suspect to too?

-Amber.

-Yes.

-Is it possible uncle's Fun, Jen and Naggy would want to hurt me?

-Not to mention I'm a suspect too,

but you know I would never, ever do anything to hurt you, Lilly.

I love you so much.

I would give my life for you.

-I know.

-I can't believe our family

would ever do anything to harm you either.

No, no, it can't be.

-Let’s not think it.

-When is the wedding?

-Oh, stop it.

-Are you going to invite me? Are you going to surprise me?

[laughter]

-The smelly ghost just coming by you.

-[laughs]

Stop it.

-Come on.

-[laughs]

Just stop it.

-I love you when you get all red like that.

Means it's serious.

Stop.

[music]

-Babe, you check me out?

-Shhhh.

She's going to hear you.

She's right there.

Gosh.

[background noise]

-Thank you.

-Cheers.

-To?

-To when you finally get down on your knees.

-I'm always on my knees spying.

-You know exactly what I mean.

-You know I'm not the marrying type.

-Oh, geez, so you've been saying the past three years or so.

-I feel like she's going to hear us.

-She can't.

-These blind people, they have these extra senses.

-Yes.

She's too far away for hearing and smelling.

Don't worry about it.

-Why do we got to be here anyway?

-Hey,

you know why.

-Oh, geez.

Wow.

This is so true.

-What?

-Your affections have been neglected.

-Bottom numbers 39, 40, 49, 48 and 00, could be my lucky day.

Are you ready?

-Yes.

[music]

-Good day, Mr. Squirrel.

You may be the only one I can truly trust.

[music]

-Oh, there is a black cat in the neighborhood.

Be careful.

[music]

[background noise]

-Watch the traps.

-Did your girlfriend throw you out of the apartment?

-No girlfriend.

You're home late.

-I'm young.

I want to enjoy life as much as I can.

How old are you?

-Old enough to know I shouldn't be having this conversation.

Look, I'm just here to keep you safe.

-I'm safe. Thank you.

You?

-Me? I'm a professional, so no worries here.

Have a good night.

I'll see you in the morning.

-Just like that?

-Huh?

-You're leaving just like that?

-What am I supposed to do?

-Come in and check if there's someone inside.

-Okay. Sure.

-Okay. Sure.

[music]

-Is there something you'd like to tell me?

-No.

I was just looking at--

go into the rooms and make sure that they're safe.

-It's safe.

-How do you know?

-My ghost.

-Oh, yes. You mean your book.

-My book is really a ghost.

-Lilly, have you been drinking?

-No, but I can smell alcohol in your breath.

-I had a little wine earlier.

-More than two glasses.

-Maybe.

-Actually, most of the bottle, chardonnay.

-California, 2008.

It was actually pretty good.

-Are you going to talk

when you can use your lips to kiss me?

-Lilly.

Lilly, I don't know.

[music]

-Lilly, I don't know about this.

-You don't know [?].

[screams]

-Pity.

One less person on earth.

-We had a 10-56, woman jumped from the Graft Tower.

-One less suspect.

-Oh,

oh, my God.

I knew it.

[moans]

I knew it.

[moans]

-She was pushed.

-How do you know that, boss?

-When she crawled, she wanted to die.

She wouldn't have tried to get away.

-Murder.

-Yes.

-Negative.

A fire at [?]. Approaching the trail now.

[music]

-My condolences.

-Who wants her?

-Some scum of the gutter.

Sign there and the house is legally yours.

-I don't want it.

-Jane willed it to you.

Take my advice,

pick up your pen, sign right there.

Otherwise, the house forfeits to the state bureaucratic crooks

who murder by red tape proxy.

Take some time off from the hustle-bustle.

Go up north to beautiful nature.

Jane's house, it's far removed from the noise and the tumult.

In fact, take the whole group.

All of you,

spend the weekend there, recharge your batteries.

-My electric car just won't go that far.

-You'll ride with me.

It'll be fun, a road trip to the country.

-Nice.

I can drive Lilly.

-See,

there you go.

Now all of you, get out of here and go pack.

Bring some bear spray.

-Wait. There's bears up there?

-Oh, yes, and lions and tigers.

Just keep wearing that perfume you got on

and you won't have any problem.

[music]

-Smells beautiful.

-We're going to have a beautiful time.

What are you doing?

-Feeling the vibrations.

I miss the feel of driving.

[silence]

-I have an idea.

-Huh?

-You'll see.

You're going to drive.

-Amber, I'm blind.

-I'm crazy.

-We both are.

[music]

-I don't want to get you killed.

-You're doing fine.

A little this way.

Perfect.

Okay. Just keep going straight.

[music]

-You're doing great.

A little this way.

Oh, back to the left.

Good.

Okay. Just keep going.

Trust yourself. You got this.

We haven't passed another car in 20 minutes.

Honestly, I think you're a better driver

without your eyes.

Watch out.

[music]

-Did we just almost die?

-Yes.

-It was worth it.

[music]

-[laughs]

[music]

-Six steps to go. -Six?

-[laughs]

Hopefully, your stair climbing is better than your driving.

-Thank you.

-See, you're doing great.

All right.

Almost there. Halfway.

There we go. Get in.

All right.

-What's wrong?

-Holy shit.

Have you seen this place? Did you see this before?

Come on, girl. Straighten up.

Walk like a lady. This is fancy.

How did Aunt Jane get this money?

[music]

-Who you write?

Can you see?

There is a world waiting for you and me.

Break us two and break us three.

Break us two and break us three.

Break us two and break us three.

Break us two, break us three.

Please, you see, please, you see.

-A toast to Aunt Jane.

[laughs]

All right. Give me your tired,

your poor,

your hungry.

You're weak. You're huddled masses,

yearning to breathe, breathe.

[laughs] -Amen. -Amen.

-Oh, well, maybe.

[chuckles]

[knocking]

-Who could that be?

-How the hell do I know?

[chuckles]

I guess we're going to find out.

-Come on.

[knocking]

-Sharksdale.

-[chuckles]

Didn't think you'd have all the fun without me, did you?

-You weren't invited.

-Page 3, the small print.

E [?] Sharksdale will have exclusive

and all inclusive visiting rights whenever deemed necessary.

Well, folks, it's necessary.

Blood diamonds from [?].

Wow. [clears throat]

I am here to babysit you all, keep things civil,

make sure you don't tear each other's hearts out.

[laughs]

Come on. Where are the drinks at?

I want to get buzzed.

Am I going to have to order some illegal drugs?

[laughs]

Here's what I'm talking about.

-You are so lucky you couldn't see that.

Oh, who could that be?

-Detective, what are you doing here?

-I'm here to serve and protect.

There's been a murder and to be honest,

anyone of you could be next.

Think of me as police hospitality.

How about that?

Let's get the burgers and sangria flowing.

It feels like a funeral.

[knocking]

-Hey.

-Dick.

How do you know?

-I'm a private eye, remember?

Don't trust anybody.

Don't worry.

I got my blow-up bed. I got my mouse traps.

[chuckles]

Where is everybody?

In the back?

Let's party.

Hey, join the party.

Get yourself a beer.

-Lilly, oh, Lilly.

-Hey, how you doing? How are you?

-Good, how are you, man?

-Good, good, good, good. May I ask, [?]?

-Oh, Dick, private eye.

Who are you?

-Detective Bunkers.

-Don't you know each other?

-No. -No.

-I have a [?].

Just enjoy yourselves like this fellow.

As long as you don't get into any trouble,

or get a [?], just survive. How about that?

-Same with you, man.

-Same with you.

-All right.

-[chuckles]

Good time. -Having strong arms, haven't you?

-Yes.

-It's real strong. -Real strong.

-Whoa.

Fight, fight.

My money's on the red head. -You're too angry, Dick.

Come on, come on, come on.

[background noise]

-Someone should put her out of her misery.

[music]

-Sounds of Lamet.

[music]

-Well,

I think I'm going to go to bed

because I'm going to get up early in the morning,

do a little bit of bird watching,

and I'm going to take the master suite.

-Not a good idea to get on my bad side, man.

-Not a bad idea if you lock your bedroom door tonight,

because there's a killer on the loose.

-Hey,

are you going to keep watch,

protect and serve?

-I'm not paid overtime, buddy.

-The city's finest, the city's finest.

All right, everybody.

I'm going in. See you in the mañana.

Maybe check things.

Your blind vision is better than my double vision.

[laughs]

-Hold up, hold up, hold up.

[laughs] I love you, guys.

I love you.

Oh, yes. By the way,

I am going to be up all night in case any of you are in the killing mood.

Whoever the fuck you are.

[laughter]

-All right, ladies.

Miss, [?].

[music]

-[laughs]

They don't know who they're messing with.

[laughs]

Whoa.

Yes. [laughs]

[coughs]

-Argh.

Don't mess with James Bond.

[laughs]

[snores]

[suspense sounds]

-Death approaches.

[suspense sounds]

-Why me?

-Good versus evil.

[suspense sounds]

-I feel afraid, like when I was a little girl.

-That is why I have come.

-You're scaring me.

-You don't have to fear me.

It's yourself you fear.

[suspense sounds]

-[Breathes heavily] [suspense sounds]

I want to leave.

-You must face the fear.

-[breathes heavily] [suspense sounds]

-I don't believe you're only my fucking imagination.

[breathes heavily] [suspense sounds]

-You see it.

Take it.

You see it.

Take it.

Feel it.

[music]

-Shhhh.

-Leave me alone.

-Come on, no.

You know what lies in this room?

Uncle Fun isn't having fun anymore because he lies dead on the bed

with a knife in his heart. Come here.

All right. Careful now,

careful, you don't want to cut yourself.

-No.

-No, no, come here.

All right, and our next exhibit,

Aunt Naggie hanging from the curtain rod.

-No, no, no. No.

-No, no, come here. ready for this one.

Bend down. Here we go.

That's it. Bend down.

Look at that.

Oh, poor Shark's tail,

[chuckles] shot in the head.

Let's go to the next one. Come on.

All right.

Come on.

Well, here we go.

Your dear friend Amber,

suffocated.

Let's go.

I'll just tell you this one, Blanco's drink poisoned.

-Please, don't do this. Let me go.

-No, no.

Let's go to the bedroom, shall we, for the finale? Come on.

Walk up the stairs.

There you go.

You got it.

There is it, you're going to take a nice right.

There you go.

Come on, get on there.

That's everyone.

Just one left.

[suspense sounds]

-Don't you love me,

didn't you?

-Maybe.

[music]

-What an evil, ambivalent love.

Maybe.

-Careful.

Close to the bullet,

it'll hurt more.

-There's no bullet in the chamber.

-Well,

you would only know that if you could see.

-Oh, yes, sweetie.

Sweetie, sweetie.

[music]

You see, my guardian angel has come.

-What?

-Look up.

[suspense sounds]

-[?].

-What's going on?

-[?].

-What's going on?

[suspense music]

-Love red.

-The hit and run wasn't as you said.

The truck driver didn't have any idea.

You threw yourself in the back of his tires

because you desperately wanted to die.

You couldn't live with whatever conscience you had left.

This had nothing to do with your inheritance,

did it?

It has everything to do with your sick,

sick occupation.

You're a serial killer.

Did you love me?

Did you ever love me?

-No.

Well, liked you a little bit. [chuckles]

Where do you want it, lover boy.

I give you that much but has to be fatal.

-[?]

-The night is young and there is so much prayer there

lurking in the misty night.

-What kind of an evil heart has a guardian angel?

-Who're you?

-Good. Shoot the ghost.

-I am your guardian angel.

-Why do you look like me?

-We take the appearance to most suited to show you

who you really are.

-Go away, I don't want you anymore.

-I've been trying to teach you right from wrong since you were a child.

You have one last chance, put the gun down.

-Remember that story I told you about when I was a kid,

my haunted house?

-What of it?

-It wasn't me.

-What? -Look.

-What?

-That ghost.

That ghost was my guardian angel.

Boom.

[suspense sounds]

-I mean,

isn't this evidence?

-I solved the case.

Aren’t I deserving of a trophy?

-Yes.

-[laughs]

Thanks, to 39, 40, 49, 48 and 00.

[chuckles]

-Yes.

-Yes.

My lucky day is now your lucky day.

Winning lotta numbers.

[music]

-Oh yes. right.

Wait a minute.

Are you serious?

-$75 million serious.

-Oh, my God.

-My God. That is so sick.

-Oh, my God.

-Perhaps because it's sick.

-How do you pull these things off?

-I don’t know, just my guardian angel.

-Can we just go home?

-Who me? -Get all cozy.

Like we're holding [?] and then we have three babies.

-Well, that just depends on if there's any murders tonight.

[chuckles]

-Oh, there's always going to be murders.

[laughter]

-I'm Mr. Berenger.

Berenger, Berenger and Berenger.

I guarantee you I can triple your money in three months.

By the way, I think somebody maybe I murder my wife,

so could you give me a call?

[suspense music]

-Wow.

There you go.

-Come here.

[music]