Original subtitles

Subtitles by explosiveskull Resync by ViSHAL

[HARLEY] They say, if you wanna tell a story right,

you gotta start at the beginning.

Too far? Fine.

- This is me, Harleen Quinzel. - [GIGGLING]

When I was a kid,

my dad traded me for a six-pack of beer.

But however many times he tried to ditch me...

Daddy!

- I kept coming back. - Ah!

Eventually, he found me a new home.

- [HARLEEN GRUNTS] - [HARLEY] The good sisters

of St. Bernadette's taught me a lot.

[GROANING]

But I was never an establishment kinda gal.

All things considered, I did good.

I even went to college.

Got my PhD.

Had my heart broken once or twice.

Finding love, it's not easy.

So I threw myself into my work,

became a psychiatrist.

That's when I met him.

- Mr. J. My Joker. - [HARLEEN SIGHS HAPPILY]

[HARLEY] Oh, I fell hard.

Like out of a plane without a parachute,

right in your dumb fucking face

- kinda hard. - [GROANS]

I lost all sense of who I was.

- I only had eyes for Puddin'. - [JOKER LAUGHING]

[HARLEY] We all know the saying,

"Behind every successful man

there's a badass broad."

Well, that was me.

I was the brains behind some of.

- Mr. J's greatest stunts. - Ha-ha!

Not that he let anyone know it.

- [HENCHMEN CHEERING] - Puddin'?

I guess all good things have to come to an end.

[SOBS]

So...

[HARLEY SCREAMS]

We broke up.

[HARLEY YELPS]

- [SOBBING] - I handled it real mature.

But Mr. J was super broke up about it.

- [CONTINUES SOBBING] - ["I HATE MYSELF FOR LOVING YOU" PLAYING]

I got an amazing new place that was all mine.

♪ Midnight, gettin' uptight Where are you? ♪

It gave me the space to really reflect

on the mistakes of my past.

♪ I know I'm hangin' But I'm still wantin' you ♪

I had to find a new identity.

A new me.

[SOBBING]

It wasn't easy.

But after a while, I even opened myself up

to the possibility of new love.

[HARLEY GASPS]

Hi.

Hello, nice baby.

[HARLEY LAUGHING]

Here's the thing about new love...

I take payment-in-kind.

- You have to feed it. - [HYENA GROWLING]

- ♪ I think of you Every night and day ♪ - [HARLEY SOBBING]

♪ You took my heart Then you took my pride away ♪

Soon enough, I was back on my feet.

Ready to move on, to make new friends.

[ANNOUNCER ON PA] She means fucking business!

- Oh, here we go! - [HARLEY] Whip me!

[ANNOUNCER] She has taken a whip from the pivot,

catapulted to the high side!

- Oh! - [WOMAN GROANS]

Yeah! Come on! [JEERS]

[HARLEY] It was time for Gotham to meet the new Harley Quinn,

so I really put myself out there.

[TEAMMATE] Ride that pole like you ride your man!

[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]

[HARLEY'S TEAMMATES WHOOPING]

[COUPLE EXCLAIMS]

God damn it. Sit the fuck down.

What?

I said sit your skinny ass down, you dumb slut.

Okay.

[SIONIS'S DRIVER SCREAMING]

- [PEOPLE GASP] - [MUSIC STOPS]

You broke my fucking legs!

Oh, boo-hoo.

- [SIONIS'S DRIVER GROANING] - [LAUGHING]

[PEOPLE MURMURING]

What?

It's not a party without a little drama, am I right?

Come on! Turn it up!

- Shots on the house. - [MUSIC PLAYING]

Call me dumb. I have a PhD, motherfucker.

- Miss Quinn. - Romy.

That was my driver.

Oh, whoops.

Well, I'm sure it was his fault. Consider him fired.

Consider me grateful.

Especially since I know you don't like me.

I agitate his already delicate sense of mental equilibrium.

That and his obsessive-compulsive need

to be the center of attention.

Will your paramour be joining us this evening?

Not tonight, Romy. Not tonight.

Well, enjoy yourself, Miss Quinn.

And do give the Joker my best.

[HARLEY] Okay, fine, so I hadn't

told people about the breakup.

But you don't understand.

Find me a new driver.

[HARLEY] Being Joker's girl gave me immunity.

I could do whatever I wanted to whoever I wanted,

and no one ever dared to object.

- ["BOSS BITCH" PLAYING] - [INDISTINCT CHATTERING]

♪ Two for one You know a bitch buy four ♪

♪ And two left feet You know I always drop ♪

♪ First thing a girl did Was a bop ♪

♪ I'm the whole damn cake And the cherry on top ♪

♪ Shook up the bottom Made a good girl pop ♪

♪ You ain't even here to party Ken in the club tryna pipe a Barbie ♪

And don't let him give you shit, okay?

You have to stick up for yourself.

♪ I don't wanna Row, row, row the boat ♪

♪ Wrist full of rocks And I hope I float ♪

♪ Big up yourself 'Cause you know they don't ♪

♪ I chew, chew, chew 'Cause they hope I choke ♪ - [VOMITING]

♪ I'm a bitch, I'm a boss ♪

♪ I'm a bitch and a boss And I shine like gloss ♪

♪ I'm a bitch, I'm a boss ♪

♪ I'm a bitch and a boss And I shine like gloss ♪

♪ I'm a bitch, I'm a boss ♪

♪ I'm a bitch and a boss And I shine like gloss ♪

[TEAMMATE 1] Oh, please. I give it a few days

before they're back together.

[HARLEY] Even when I did try and tell people,

they didn't believe me.

[SHELL] Come on. She told me they're really

- broken up this time. - [TEAMMATE 1 SCOFFS]

[TEAMMATE 1] Sure they are, Shell.

That's why she's still wearing that tacky "J" necklace.

[TEAMMATES LAUGHING]

She is going to be running right back into his arms

the minute he snaps his fingers.

[TEAMMATE 1] If not him, the next closest alpha male

- with a pulse. - [TEAMMATE 2] Mmm-hmm.

Some people just aren't born

- to stand on their own. - [TEAMMATE 3] Oh, girl,

- let's drink. Come on. - [TEAMMATE 2] All right.

[HARLEY] I knew I needed to find

some way to show the world

that I'd cut ties with Mr. J for good.

[TEAMMATE 2] Harley!

[HARLEY] Some people have the Eiffel Tower, or Olive Garden.

The Joker and I?

Our love bloomed in

a highly toxic industrial processing plant.

["JOKE'S ON YOU" PLAYING]

[GROANS SOFTLY]

And luckily for me,

I have all my best ideas drunk.

I have the best idea!

- [URINATING] - [SIGHS HEAVILY]

♪ Took my last breath ♪

- [ENGINE STARTING] - ♪ Like the smoke from my lips ♪

♪ I've lied for you ♪

The fuck? Hey! Hey! Come back here!

♪ My knees are bruised From kneeling to you ♪

♪ I've had enough But you're too hard to quit ♪

- ♪ We've had our fun ♪ - [GRUNTS]

♪ Now your sugar makes me sick ♪

This is where it all began, Puddin'.

[GASPING]

You motherfucker! [GRUNTS]

♪ And now I'm laughin' Through my tears ♪

♪ I'm cryin' through my fear ♪

♪ But baby If I had to choose ♪

♪ The joke's on you ♪

♪ The joke's on you ♪

It was the closure I needed.

A fresh start.

A chance to be my own woman.

♪ God knows I've tried to be kind ♪

♪ But I will just Lay down and die ♪

♪ Wearin' a fake smile ♪

But I wasn't the only dame in Gotham

looking for emancipation.

This is our story.

And I'm telling it,

so I'll start where I fucking want.

Meet the cop.

I got 50 says it was turf war.

Not him.

Well, as always, you're wrong, Munroe.

Her. Renee Montoya.

Raised on '80s cop shows,

she's always saying cheesy shit like...

There was only one shooter.

Inside.

This guy shot out the glass.

Serrano.

Yo. Hey.

Have Ballistics check for a bullet

in one of those parked cars.

Ten years ago, she broke a career-making case.

- Did I stutter? - Go ahead.

But her partner at the time took all the credit.

So while he made captain,

she got stuck at detective level with this idiot.

Okay, you think one guy got all four?

Wait, wait, wait. [SHUSHING]

I'm just saying, we got four dead bodies here, you know.

- One guy... Bullet holes. - I'm trying to work.

I'm sorry. Go ahead and work. Go ahead.

The shooter got close before drawing. Six rounds.

- Two for each of these three. - [SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]

- [MAFIOSI CHATTERING] - [ROSSI] Yo, mind your debt.

I'm telling you.

That girl, Angelina, she's a princess.

- Whoa. Hey. - Look at this.

- Is it Halloween? - Hey. How you doing?

[MAFIOSI GROANING]

- [YELLS] - [GROANING]

And it wasn't about them.

It was all about this guy, right here.

[ROSSI BREATHING HEAVILY]

Do you know who I am?

[ROSSI] You fucking bitch.

[ROSSI CHOKING]

[ROSSI EXHALES]

And this arrow through his throat...

She wanted him to die slowly.

- [MUNROE] She? - We got a hair.

And he's got a new assassin.

[MUNROE] Who does?

Roman Beauvais Sionis.

- [EXPLOSION] - Jesus Christ.

This is Montoya. What the hell was that?

[ALARM BLARING]

- [INDISTINCT SHOUTING] - [MUNROE] Shit.

[MONTOYA] Wow.

- [OFFICER] Detective. - [MONTOYA] Yep?

Found this necklace.

Holy shit.

Good work, Officer.

What is it?

Harley Quinn and the Joker broke up.

What?

This was their spot.

She just publicly updated her relationship status.

Harley Quinn just called open season on herself.

She did not think this one through.

[HARLEY] Yeah, no shit I didn't think it through.

I'm about to learn that a lot of people

in this city want me dead.

And at the top of that list is this guy.

[KEO FAMILY WHIMPERING]

Mr. Keo and his lovely wife and daughter.

You kinda forced my hand here.

Gotta say, I'm a little disappointed.

I gave you a great pitch. Didn't I?

[GROANING]

And I thought... Shh!

- [WHIMPERING CONTINUES] - [GROANING CONTINUES]

I thought we could build something beautiful together.

I thought we could be family.

[MUFFLED SCREAMING]

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

- [MUFFLED SCREAMING] - I'm gonna set you free.

Mmm...

What about her?

[WHIMPERING]

I think we can let her go.

I mean, this is a pretty loud fucking shitshow of a message.

[SIONIS AND ZSASZ LAUGHING]

[SIONIS] Baby. Aww.

Don't cry.

Thank you. [SNIFFLES] Thank you.

You're welcome.

[MISS KEO SNIFFLES]

Is that a snot bubble?

- Ew. Gross. - What?

Oh, I've changed my mind. Peel it off.

No. No! [SCREAMING]

[HARLEY] The wack job with the penchant

for peeling faces is Roman Sionis,

aka.

Black Mask.

[WHOOPS]

The fact that he wants me dead hasn't yet hit my radar.

See, I was halfway across town,

hungover, and thinking about breakfast.

- [SIZZLING] - ["I'M GONNA LOVE YOU JUST A LITTLE MORE, BABY" PLAYING]

Egg, bacon, American cheese.

Soft, toasted buttered roll.

Just a dash of hot sauce.

Not too much, Sal.

I wanna taste the cheese.

What a way to start my new life.

[SIGHS HAPPILY]

With the perfect egg sandwich.

Mmm!

You're a lifesaver, Sal.

And I'm good for the 75 cents, okay? I promise.

That's all the money I got in the world,

and it's so worth it.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

[HARLEY] I don't know if it's the stray Armenian arm hair,

or the fact that his cheese slices

are always six months out of date,

but no one makes an egg sandwich like Sal.

I mean it, Sal. No one.

♪ Deeper and deeper ♪

♪ In love with you I'm falling ♪

♪ Sweeter and sweeter ♪

♪ Your tender words of love Keep calling ♪

[POLICE SIREN WAILS]

Freeze! Gotham PD.

[HARLEY] Yeah, I don't think so.

Are you fucking kidding me?

- [CAR HORN HONKING] - [BRAKES SCREECH]

Yo! Police.

[HARLEY] It had been six short hours

since my little stunt at Ace Chemicals

announced to the world

that Mr. J and I were dunzo.

The immunity I'd enjoyed for so long was gone.

Cops who never would've dared come after me before

were suddenly doing this.

[YELLING]

[GASPS] Ooh!

[MONTOYA] Freeze!

- [HARLEY] And what's worse? - Move!

Every person I ever wronged now felt free

to come and take their pound of flesh.

[YELPS]

[BRAKES SCREECH]

Turns out I wronged a lot of people.

- Come on, boy. Get him! - [SCREAMS]

Oh...

Finally.

[HUMMING]

[LAUGHING]

[SCREAMING]

[HARLEY] And then...

[WHISPERING] We're gonna get through this, okay?

Tragedy struck.

[SCREAMS]

[WAILING]

It took losing something I truly love

for me to see that the target on my back

was bigger than I thought.

[MONTOYA] Freeze.

[HARLEY] With the walls closing in around me,

I made a carefully calculated,

- highly strategic move. - [GRUNTS]

[GROANS]

Fine. It was dumb luck. But still...

That felt pretty great.

[GRUNTS]

Sorry for busting in on you like that,

but thanks for the shortcut.

See ya. Oh!

There she is.

Harley Quinn.

Yeah?

I've waited a long time for this.

You have?

Oh...

I haven't had breakfast yet.

What did I do to you?

Are you serious?

Look at my face.

Look at my face!

- [HARLEY LAUGHING] - [SCREAMING]

Oh...

That wasn't me.

But you dared him to do it.

Yeah, but I dare a lot of people

to do a lot of things, okay? Come on. I'm not even with him anymore.

I know.

That means

there's no one here to stop me.

- Right. - You're gonna die, Quinn.

- [YELLS] - Ooh. A penny.

[HAPPY GROANS]

[HAPPY CHOKING]

They're shooting arrows now?

[CONTINUES CHOKING]

Ah, crap.

Him, too?

[HAPPY GROANS]

[THUDS]

Parley?

[DESK SERGEANT SIGHS]

Fuck, Montoya, you smell like a dead rat's asshole.

Not today, Simpson.

Hey, it's Detective Montoya. Respect your elders.

I mean, your elderly. [LAUGHING]

You're only a few years younger than me,

and you're still behind that desk.

You wanna go there?

Come on. Empty your pockets. All of it.

[MONTOYA] Cassandra Cain, back already?

Thought by now you'd figure out how not to get caught.

What? No comeback?

[COUGHS]

You all right?

You smell like shit.

[MONTOYA SCOFFS]

Yo, Simpson.

Any clean clothes in lost and found?

These are serious accusations, Miss Montoya.

The Sionis family name is on

half the museums and schools in Gotham.

And that makes him immune to the law, Captain?

[HARLEY] Montoya's day is going almost as badly as mine.

Remember the guy who stole her promotion?

That's him.

He had four people killed alone last night.

If Roman Sionis is such a mastermind,

how'd he get fired from his own fucking company?

The Janus Corporation is

his father's company, thank you.

And by the way, they cut him off.

Where does the DA's office stand on all this?

[HARLEY] To make matters worse,

the assistant DA? That's her ex.

The evidence that Sionis is linked to these murders...

There's a shipment coming in.

[ERICKSON] Drugs?

- A diamond. - [MUNROE] A diamond.

Wow, Montoya. Should we call the Feds for backup?

[MONTOYA] Listen, I had a source at the club.

His driver.

He said that Roman couldn't stop talking about this thing.

And he said that he overheard

something about laser-encoding.

Now, I did some research.

I think it's the Bertinelli diamond.

You remember the Bertinelli massacre, right?

[HARLEY] Quick history lesson.

Fifteen years ago, one of the wealthiest.

Mafia families in Gotham was gunned down.

It was a power grab, but the real target

was the Bertinellis' super-secret

offshore bank accounts,

the details of which were said to be encoded

in the atomic structure of a 30-carat diamond.

The rock was lost.

And with it, the only key to the Bertinelli fortune.

Which is exactly why Roman Sionis

is trying to get his hands on it.

That's what makes him so dangerous.

He's already building an army.

If he gets the diamond,

he'll have all the money and connections

to bribe every single judge and cop

he needs to get a monopoly on the city.

You said you had someone on the inside?

- [CELL PHONE VIBRATING] - Yes. He's... [STAMMERING]

He's no longer there, but...

So basically, you have nothing.

You are trying to go after

one of the most litigious and wealthiest families in Gotham,

and all you've got is rumors and a hunch?

- [VIBRATING CONTINUES] - Well, you know,

the DA's office is building a case against him, too.

Isn't that right, Miss Yee?

Listen, if the DA is willing to throw himself

out in front of this, it's fine with me.

Captain, no.

Listen, Munroe, find me

some tangible connection to Sionis, all right?

- Yes, sir. - Wait, wait, wait. Captain.

This is my case, okay?

I've been working on this for six months.

We need something that we can actually use, Detective.

And, Miss Montoya, we do have a dress code.

- Look, I'm sorry about that, but I... - No.

That is my job you are fucking with.

What is wrong with you, Renee?

Me? He gave my case away.

Oh, poor Renee.

Why don't you pour yourself a drink? It's almost noon.

Wow.

[CELL PHONE VIBRATING]

Jesus. Who the fuck is this? What?

[LANCE] Why the fuck haven't you

been picking up your phone? We've got a situation.

What... What situation?

You didn't hear this from me,

but you gotta find her before someone else does.

She's got the diamond, and trust me, Roman will kill her.

My diamond? Who? Who's got it?

This kid.

She's a pickpocket. Her name's Cassandra Cain.

Holy fuck.

[DINGING]

Can I help you?

[IN BRITISH ACCENT] Why, yes. Yes, you can.

I'm here to report a terrible crime.

And what terrible crime is that?

["DANGER" PLAYING]

[IN NORMAL VOICE] This one.

[GROANS]

♪ Danger, danger ♪

♪ Danger, danger ♪

♪ Ring the alarm Ring the alarm ♪

Hi, boys.

[GROANS]

♪ Danger, danger ♪

Meeting's over.

[PEOPLE SCREAMING]

[LAUGHING]

[GROANS]

[SCREAMS]

[SCREAMS]

Run, piggy, run.

[GIGGLING]

Where can I find Cassandra Cain?

[HARLEY] Hold up, hold up. I'm telling this all wrong.

Let's rewind.

For you to understand why me,

the cop, and that dame on the toilet...

Her name's Cassandra Cain.

Are all looking for this Cain character...

I gotta take you back a few days,

to that night I got shitfaced at the Black Mask Club.

[SINGING] ♪ This is a man's world ♪

♪ This is a man's world ♪

[HARLEY] This is Dinah Lance.

♪ But it would be nothing ♪

[HARLEY] But she prefers Black Canary.

♪ Nothing ♪

[HARLEY] She's got a killer voice.

♪ Without a woman or a girl ♪

[HARLEY] But there was some other shit

going down that night.

[SIONIS] short notice like this.

I'm not talking superficial partnerships.

I'm talking you and me having each other's backs.

The Golden Lions can't just

wander into Gotham National Bank.

I can.

Loans, liquidity, laundering.

Look, if you bring your boys into the fold,

there are no limits to what we could achieve together.

I'm building something special.

I appreciate your offer, Mr. Sionis.

But with all due respect,

the Golden Lions are a family business.

Fuck family. All due respect, but fuck that.

Family's a fucking illusion.

You know what my family gave me? Nothing.

I know what everyone says.

"Here comes Roman Sionis.

He was handed life on a silver spoon."

"Gin and tonics at 5:00." "I'll have the duck."

Blah, blah, blah. Fake fucking fucks.

[SIONIS SCOFFS]

But look at me now.

I've located the Bertinelli diamond.

I'm about to own this city.

Not just the East End.

I am thinking big, baby.

And I want you there with me.

We could make our own family.

Mr. Sionis,

the Golden Lions have operated

in Gotham for nearly 100 years.

We have no need of your protection.

[HARLEY] He's gonna regret that.

[MUFFLED SCREAMING]

[CHUCKLES]

Will you sleep on it? Will you do that for me?

Run it by that beautiful wife of yours,

and I'll come see you at the docks, day after tomorrow.

Okay?

[SIGHS]

[SINGING] ♪ This is a man's world ♪

- ♪ It would be nothing ♪ - [EXHALES DEEPLY]

♪ Without a woman or a girl ♪

[WHOOPS]

Who's having a good time? You are. [LAUGHS]

♪ Lost in the wilderness ♪

- Food is good? - [ALL AGREEING]

Do you need any more cocktails?

♪ Lost in the bitterness ♪

Your good health.

♪ He's lost in the loneliness ♪

♪ He's lost ♪

♪ This is a man's world ♪

♪ It wouldn't be nothing ♪

[HIGH-PITCHED VOCALIZING]

♪ Without a woman or a girl ♪

[HARLEY] Canary's been singing at Roman's club for years.

Come on!

[HARLEY] He calls her his little bird,

and he's got her wrapped

right around his fancy little finger.

[BARTENDER] Here you go, Canary.

Thank you.

How do you spell "mercenary"?

Merceninny...

Merceran?

Singer lady woman!

You're really, really good.

Yeah.

[SIGHS]

Know what a harlequin is?

Janky-ass clown with bad eye makeup?

Oof!

Ouch!

A harlequin's role

is to serve.

An audience.

A master.

You know, a harlequin's nothing without a master.

And no one gives two fucks who we are beyond that.

[SIONIS CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

[PEOPLE LAUGHING]

Yeah, I don't know who you think I am, lady,

but I'm not her.

Puddin' and I broke up.

I haven't told that to anyone.

Yeah.

For good this time.

And for the first time in a long time,

I'm all on my lonesome.

It's great.

Welcome to the club.

Thanks.

[MAN] Hey, don't be lonesome. How about another drink?

- Yes! - Yeah?

- Yeah. - It's on me.

- Sure. Drinks! - Hey, two shots.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Hey.

- [LAUGHING] - [GROANS]

[MAN HUMMING]

[MAN LAUGHING]

We're all good here. [CONTINUES LAUGHING]

[SIGHS]

- I don't wanna go home. - Oh, no? No.

- [LAUGHING] - No.

[MAN] Let me know if you're gonna get sick.

Your chariot's arrived. Oh, there you go.

[HARLEY] Are we getting breakfast?

[MAN] Hey, buddy, I'm gonna need some help.

This is my friend.

I told you all about...

Hey, get the door, man. I got her, I got her.

- There we go. - [HARLEY] Wait.

Isn't that Joker's girl?

Not anymore.

[LANCE] Got room for one more?

Hey.

- [ALL GRUNTING] - Huh?

I don't need your help. I got this.

You got this? You sure about that?

Yeah, no wonder everyone hates you.

["UNWIND YOURSELF" PLAYING]

- [GROANS] - Uh...

♪ Unwind yourself ♪

[GROANING]

♪ Turn your soul Soul loose ♪

You got this!

You motherfucker!

Whoo!

- [YELLS] - [GROANING]

♪ Find yourself ♪

Well, well, well, well, well, well.

Could that be our little Miss Lance?

All these years, I thought she was just

a pretty face and a fine set of lungs.

Ooh.

Mr. Zsasz, I've had an amazing idea.

♪ It won't break ♪

♪ Turn her loose And let it shake ♪

♪ Let it shake now ♪

That's my little bird.

Don't touch what you can't afford, mister.

- Shut up. - [ZSASZ WHISTLING]

Oh, songbird.

You drive as good as you fight?

Who's asking?

The boss.

You're getting promoted.

You're his new driver.

Huh. Thanks, but I think I'm good

with the singing gig.

You'll be good at the driving gig.

Be here tomorrow. 9:00 a.m. Sharp.

[HARLEY] So, that's how Canary got herself a job

driving around Gotham's newest Godfather.

A position, I might add, that wouldn't have been vacant

without the help of yours truly.

[SNORING]

- ["COLLAGE" PLAYING] - [CHILDREN CHATTERING]

♪ Red for the light Gotta stop this thing ♪

♪ Find a song to sing That is everything ♪

Morning.

♪ That I meant to say ♪

♪ I meant to say ♪

[CASSANDRA'S FATHER] You're the one who wanted the kid!

[CASSANDRA'S MOTHER] I never wanted her!

[LANCE SCOFFS]

Let me guess. Parents?

Foster parents.

Right.

Sorry, kid.

Sorry about your face.

Shit, you do have something on your face.

[LAUGHING] You should've seen the other guy.

[CASSANDRA'S FOSTER PARENTS CONTINUE ARGUING]

Uh...

[CASSANDRA'S FATHER] I want

that kid out of my fucking house!

You know, kid, not every day is gonna be like this.

You just gotta hang in there.

Get something to eat.

Stay outta that. It's not worth it.

[CASSANDRA'S FATHER] Don't talk to me like that.

[HARLEY] Canary spends the next week

settling in to her new job as Roman's personal driver.

Ew. Okay.

What she didn't know

is that driving Mr. Face-peely-pants

was gonna put her right in the crosshairs

of my favorite little piggy.

Dinah Lance?

Who the hell are you?

I'm Renee Montoya, detective with GCPD.

Your predecessor and I had an arrangement.

Oh, really?

He told me that there was

a shipment coming in. A diamond.

A very special diamond.

Yeah, not interested, lady. Thanks for the coffee.

Do you know who you're working for?

You're damn right, I do. He's the man who

gave me a job. Took me off the streets.

Yeah, well, he's also a very dangerous man.

A criminal. A murderer.

What would your mother think of

you working for a guy like that, huh?

You have the same power she had.

Don't you think she would want you to use it?

The hell do you know about my mother?

Back in the day, she used to help the GCPD.

- She was a good woman. - Yeah.

She was a damn good woman.

The kind of woman

who put everyone else's lives before her own.

And when she was found dead in the street,

where the fuck were you and your boys in blue then?

Now you wanna come and knock on my door

and ask me to help you out

and make the same mistake she did?

Yeah. Good luck with that.

That's fair enough.

And I'm sorry for your loss.

For the record,

that would never happen on my watch.

[ZSASZ] The Sprang Bridge Soldiers capituated.

"Capitulated." Of course they did.

I told you that Keo scene would send a message.

[ZSASZ LAUGHS]

It sure did, boss.

It sure fucking did.

[LAUGHING] Crossbow Killer

struck again last night.

Rossi and four of his guys.

People don't kill people I own without my permission.

Why doesn't this crossbow guy know that?

- You know that! - I know it.

Why doesn't this crossbow guy?

Why don't I own the crossbow guy?

- You should own him. - I mean, I like crossbows.

Oh, good morning. Good morning.

- Morning. - Come in. Come in.

We're just finishing up a little business. Look around.

- You're late. - [SIONIS] It's fine.

Should she come back another time, 'cause she's late?

No. Isn't this stunning?

That is a Chokwe mask.

I got it when I was embedded with the Mbangani tribe

in Congo-Kinshasa. Have you ever been?

- I've never been. - Mmm.

I've heard it's beautiful.

- It's dirty. - Oh...

Here, look at this. Genuine tsantsa or shrunken head.

Shuar of Ecuador.

They're amazing people. Surprisingly gentle.

- I think you might like them. - Really?

Mmm. They boil the heads of their enemies

and they make these little fellas.

- Exquisite, aren't they? Look. - Mmm-hmm.

Look at those little ears. And his little haircut.

- Yeah, he's 1,000 years old. - Wow.

And now he's just an ornament in my living room.

- Ew! I love it. - Yeah?

These are ancient acupuncture models.

As you can see, they have all the acupuncture points.

And we found these buried in the mountains.

Ace Chemicals got blown sky high last night.

All right, all right,

let's find the Crossbow Killer. I get it.

Is he an acupuncture model, too?

He is not an acupuncture model.

This is a statue of me.

It was made by a very famous Gotham artist...

[ZSASZ] Harley Quinn did it.

Some kind of "fuck you" to the Joker.

They split.

What's wrong with you, Victor?

- Talk about burying the lede. - Yeah.

This is spectacular news!

She doesn't belong to him, she belongs to me.

Have the boys go find her.

Round her up, bring her back. I want her.

You, I have something I want you to pick me up.

Something super-duper important, okay?

- Okay. - I'll go with you.

- Yeah, go with Victor. - It's just a pickup.

No, he's harmless.

Do as you're told. Go.

["SWAY WITH ME" PLAYING]

♪ When marimba rhythm Starts to play ♪

♪ Dance with me ♪

♪ Make me sway ♪

♪ Like a lazy ocean Hugs the shore ♪

All right. We can go.

I'll take that.

Mr. S said for me to hold on to it.

Go get your car.

[HARLEY] That rock. That rock's about to become the key

to whether or not I live to

enjoy my newfound independence.

Get off me.

What the hell are you doing here?

You're not the only one who makes money

off of dumb, rich, white people.

Well, you know what?

One day you're gonna pick the wrong pocket, sis.

Okay. Whatever.

Dumb-ass kids.

♪ I be on the list Always in the midst ♪

Excuse me. Sorry.

♪ Bad boy don't miss ♪

♪ Run up on me I bet he get the gist ♪

♪ Tell your people to call me If it is 'bout that chicken ♪

♪ The most wanted in Gotham All your diamonds is missin' ♪

I really like your earrings.

Why, thank you.

♪ This a suicide mission You need to make a decision ♪

There's the thief. There's the thief.

[CASSANDRA] Get off of me!

That little girl took my watch.

[CASSANDRA] I didn't do nothing.

Where the fuck's the diamond?

I just fucking had it.

Cass!

♪ When marimba rhythm Starts to play ♪

Wait!

Wait, wait!

Halt!

- Fuck! - [GRUNTS IN FRUSTRATION]

♪ Sway me more ♪

[HARLEY] In the storytelling business,

this dummy swallowing that diamond

is called a complication.

A complication I didn't exactly need right now.

Parley?

We lost the diamond.

What?

We're really sorry, Mr. S. This kid...

We never even got our hands on it.

[SIONIS GRUNTING]

Ow!

[YELPING] Help!

Get out! Get out of here!

You, too! Go! With your fucking sage

stinking my place up. Fuck off!

[ZSASZ] Here she is.

She's a child!

- Mr. Sionis. - She's just a kid.

She's... What?

[HENCHMAN] We have Harley Quinn downstairs, as requested.

Fuck off! Get out.

- Fucking out! - [OBJECT CLATTERING]

Fuck! These are my things.

- This diamond is my things. - Yes.

My things!

Fucking fuck! I don't ask for much, do I?

- No. - Why is this happening to me?

Why?

I'm gonna get your diamond back.

I promise.

Why don't we go downstairs and kill that Harley bitch?

Blow off a little steam.

Yeah, I have wanted to do that for quite some time.

[ZSASZ LAUGHS]

Okay. I'll go get changed.

[BLOWS KISS]

Shit, Cass.

[SIONIS] I don't care what it takes, I want my diamond back.

[ZSASZ] We're working on it.

Now, let's go have a little fun.

Harleen Quinzel.

Whoo!

Hiya, Romy.

Do you know why you're here? Hmm?

[HARLEY] When it comes to me and Roman Sionis,

there are a lot of possible answers to this question.

Breaking his driver's legs.

There's that time I called it an "expresso."

Having a vagina in the first place pisses this guy off.

[UNINTELLIGIBLE OVERLAPPING NARRATION]

Constantly interrupting him, like I'm doing right now.

- You're here because... - Oh, God, stop.

You're gonna do that thing where you open up

a weird-ass case of torture devices

while inexplicably detailing your master plan

and how I don't fit into it.

I'm building a better...

Seriously, you don't have to. Really!

You're building a criminal empire

because Daddy kicked you out of Janus Corp.

And you think this is a big "fuck you," but in actuality

it's a very misguided attempt to win back his respect.

I get it. You're really not as complicated as you think.

And you're really not as clever as you think, because

- now I'm gonna slice your... - Oh, Jesus Christmas.

Now you're gonna say that you wanna kill me

to set an example. Christ, you're boring.

- I wanna kill you... - Shit.

Because without the Joker around,

I can.

For all your noise and bluster,

you're just a silly little girl

with no one around to protect her.

- Whoa. Wait. - What?

- Don't kill me. - Ha! Right.

- No, no, no. Seriously. Romy, Roman. - [MEOWS]

- Come on. There's gotta be something, - [LAUGHS]

- Something we can figure out. Hey! - [ZSASZ SHUSHING]

Wait, wait! You lost something, right?

You lost something. I heard you say it.

A diamond.

Yeah.

I can help you find it.

Seriously. Look in my pocket.

Other pocket.

I'm starting up my own business.

See what it says? Second from the bottom.

[SCOFFS]

I know the East End better than anybody.

You want this diamond back? I'm your gal.

Mr. J once lost a rare photograph

of a nude Eleanor Roosevelt,

and I found it in a bird's nest in Robinson Park.

If you let me go,

just for now, I'll get you that rock back.

What have you got to lose? If your boys find it first,

swear to God, you can kill me later.

Pinky swear. Cross my heart, hope to fart.

- [GROANS] - You're so tiresome!

If you want my mercy,

shut that hole in the middle of your face and listen.

[ECHOING] You're gonna get me my diamond.

[SINGING] ♪ A kiss on the hand May be quite continental ♪

♪ But diamonds are a girl's best friend ♪

♪ A kiss may be grand ♪

♪ But it won't pay the rental On your humble flat ♪

♪ Or help you at the automat ♪

♪ Diamonds ♪

[SIONIS] I will be waiting.

[CHORUS] ♪ Diamonds ♪

♪ Diamonds ♪

[SIONIS] The diamond.

[CHORUS] ♪ Diamonds ♪

Romy, Roman.

[LAUGHING]

[SIONIS IN ROBOTIC VOICE] I will be waiting.

[CHORUS] ♪ But diamonds ♪

♪ Diamonds are a girl's best ♪

I'll give you till midnight.

And then I'm gonna peel off that pretty face

and pickle it.

Okay?

[HARLEY] Call me old-fashioned,

but I always thought the guy

was meant to get the girl a diamond.

[SIGHS]

[HARLEY GROANS]

I won't let you down, Romy. I promise.

Let's make it half a mil.

It's more fun if she's got competition.

Send it to every mercenary in Gotham.

Oh, hey, you're that singer no one listens to.

Hey, you're the asshole no one likes.

[CELL PHONE VIBRATING]

[GASPS]

[CELL PHONE VIBRATING]

Jesus. Who the fuck is this? What?

[LANCE] We've got a situation.

This kid, she's got the diamond.

Her name's Cassandra Cain.

Holy fuck.

- [GUNFIRE] - [PEOPLE SCREAMING]

Where can I find Cassandra Cain?

Okay. Now we're good.

Cell seven.

[OFFICER WHIMPERS]

Thanks, doll. You're a peach.

Hey, I know that guy.

[BEEPING]

[AUTOMATED VOICE] Access denied. Access denied.

Access denied. Access denied.

[GRUNTING]

Access denied. Access denied. Denied.

Denied. Denied. Denied. Denied. Denied. Denied.

[BEEPING STOPS]

Hmm. Perfect.

[PRISONER 1] Hold up, hold up.

- Remember me? - [PRISONER 2] She stole my car!

- Harley Quinn. - [PRISONER 3] Hey, Quinn!

- Let us out, see what happens. - Don't mind me, guys.

- You killed my chinchilla! - Here for the kid.

What's up, girl? You're the reason I'm in here!

Yeah, sorry about that.

[PRISONER 4] You're dead!

[PRISONER 5] I'm gonna kill you, Quinn!

Hey, kid.

You're that psycho

- from the roller derby. - Yeah, yeah.

Are you Cassandra Cain?

Yeah.

[CELL DOORS BUZZING]

["EXPERIMENT ON ME" PLAYING]

I need to know where...

Hold, please.

Harley... [GROANS]

- [ALL GRUNTING] - ♪ Let you think you get the picture ♪

♪ Bitch, you don't know How good I treat ya ♪

♪ Shake it off This pride and glory ♪

♪ You dig up so many stories ♪

♪ Oh, you're so Under the thumb ♪

♪ Four fingers from A knuckle sandwich ♪

♪ Try my blood It's just a starter ♪

♪ No one tastes like me, yeah ♪

♪ I'm pretty like a car crash ♪

♪ Ugly as a lullaby ♪

♪ You really wanna try it ♪

♪ Experiment on me ♪

♪ Experiment on me ♪

♪ Experiment on me ♪

♪ Experiment on me ♪

[ALARM RINGING]

Hmm.

I got you, you little shit.

Who are you guys?

Go, go, go.

Keep the kid alive.

[GROANING]

[ALL GRUNTING]

[INHALING DEEPLY]

Mmm!

["BLACK BETTY" PLAYING]

[MEN GROANING]

♪ Whoa Black Betty bam-ba-I am ♪

♪ Yeah Black Betty bam-ba-I am ♪

♪ Black Betty had a child bam-ba-I am ♪

♪ Damn thing gone wild bam-ba-I am ♪

♪ She's always ready bam-ba-I am ♪

♪ She's all rock steady bam-ba-I am ♪

♪ Whoa Black Betty bam-ba-I am ♪

♪ Yeah Black Betty bam-ba-I am ♪

♪ All right ♪

[MAN GROANING]

♪ Whoa Black Betty bam-ba-I am ♪

♪ Go Black Betty bam-ba-I am ♪

♪ Really gets me high bam-ba-I am ♪

[HARLEY CHOKING]

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

A little help.

♪ All right ♪

♪ All right ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

Mmm...

♪ All right ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

[MAN SCREAMING]

Does she have to keep running?

[CASSANDRA YELPING]

[MAN GROANS]

Roman, you trustafarian fuckbag.

[DOOR OPENS]

You!

You!

Step away from the kid.

Drop it.

The phone?

Sure.

[MONTOYA GRUNTS]

Mmm.

["LOVE ROLLERCOASTER" PLAYING]

♪ Rollercoaster of love ♪

♪ Say what ♪

♪ Rollercoaster ♪

♪ Rollercoaster of love ♪

[GUN FIRING]

♪ Rollercoaster of love ♪

[GASPS] Whoa.

Oh, good. You're awake.

- Toss that for me, will ya? - [YELPS]

[YELLING]

♪ Rollercoaster ♪

[EXPLOSION]

[CASSANDRA GASPING]

[HARLEY LAUGHS]

What the fuck?

Who did I just blow up?

Either someone who wants me dead,

or someone looking to collect

the half-million dollar reward on your head.

Half a million dollars?

Yeah.

Do I look like I'm worth half a million dollars?

- Not really. - You've got the wrong kid.

Now, uncuff me.

Oh, sure.

As soon as you give me the diamond.

What diamond?

[CASSANDRA YELPING]

[WOMAN SCREAMING]

[MAN] Fuck you!

Look at me.

What?

I don't know nothing about no diamond.

The inflection in your voice,

the way you can't hold eye contact,

and the fact that you're a filthy little thief,

all suggest that you do.

Now, you can give it to me, or I can give you

to the man that diamond belongs to.

But trust me when I say, you're not gonna like

what he's gonna do to ya.

Now, hand it over.

Yeah, not gonna happen.

- Come again? - I said I can't.

One more time.

- I can't give it to you. - Why not?

Because I ate it, okay?

[SIGHS ANGRILY]

Yes.

What are we even doing here?

There are two ways that diamond's coming outta ya.

This way,

or this way.

That's what I thought.

Also, I'm outta groceries.

So, how long you been a mercenary?

Hey, where did you get...

You're so busy looking at my right hand,

you haven't even thought about my left.

Your left hand is cuffed to mine.

[SCOFFS]

I'll have to learn that one.

Can we get this?

You're not gonna try to run, are you?

Look, if there's really a half mil on my head,

I figure I'm better off with

the person who's not gonna cut me open.

Fine. But if you try to run, I will kill you.

I do not care that you're a kid.

[CASSANDRA SIGHS]

I saw that.

Seriously though, how'd you get to be here?

I mean, shopping at fancy-ass stores,

you're making bank, you have your own business.

How'd you do it? Come on, tell me.

Woman to woman.

Being a pickpocket's fine and all, but I got real potential.

I mean, how do I be like you?

Well, except for the crazy part. But other than that.

Number one, no one is like me.

If you wanted to even come close,

you would have to go to medical school.

Become a psychiatrist, work in an asylum.

Fall in love with your patient,

break said patient out of said asylum.

Begin a life of crime.

Jump into a vat of chemicals to prove yourself to a madman.

Get arrested by the Batman.

Go back to jail, get out of jail with a bomb on your neck.

Save the world, go back to jail, and break out of jail

before breaking up with the aforementioned madman

and going out on your own.

Number two...

Six bucks for tap water

with a fucking cucumber stick in it?

That's crazy.

I'm not shopping at this store.

I'm robbing this store.

Consider this your first lesson.

Paying is for dummies.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

- [PEOPLE GASPING] - Move it!

Whoops. Ah...

This is Doc's Place. And this is Doc.

Lotus flower!

- Hiya, Doc. How are ya? - Good.

He's the Taiwanese grandpa I never had.

He knows everything and everyone.

Nothing happens around here, let me tell you,

without Doc knowing about it.

And he happens to be the only person

who actually cares about me.

- I do? - Yes, you do.

She's been ordering #32

with extra chili for many years.

Lesson number two,

you always want extra chili with #32.

[WHISPERS] So you don't have to taste his cooking.

Lotus flower, you have to get upstairs before someone sees.

Everyone's looking for you. And you.

[BOTH] We know.

I'm telling you, if you want boys to respect you,

you have to show them that you're serious.

Blow something up. Shoot someone.

Nothing gets a guy's attention like violence.

Shut that door. Lock it.

Keep your sticky paws to yourself, okay?

This place...

Well, it ain't much, but it's better than a prison cell.

Is so fucking dope.

[HYENA WHINES]

Oh, shit. Is that a hyena in a bathtub?

I named him Bruce after that hunky Wayne guy.

He's my little dumpling, aren't you?

Aren't you, my little baby?

Aren't you, Brucey? Yes.

I love you.

I never said that. I love you both equally.

- [GROWLING] - Who, that? It's Cass.

You're so pretty.

Who's this?

It's a beaver.

Hmm.

Does Brucey want a treat? Does Brucey want a treat?

[CASSANDRA] What's this?

It's art. Don't touch.

[CASSANDRA] He your ex or something?

You don't know who that is?

The Joker.

The Clown Prince of Crime?

My former partner in madness?

The Harlequin of Hate? The Jester of Genocide?

You've never heard of him?

Well, sounds like a dick.

Huh.

[MUSIC PLAYING ON TV]

Milk.

[HARLEY] I'm not going soft or nothing, but I gotta admit,

it was kinda nice having the kid around.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

[BRUCE LAUGHS]

Give me a #32. Mild.

Uh... Yeah, sure.

[BOTH SPEAKING MANDARIN]

[IN ENGLISH] Who are you?

They call me...

H...

[HARLEY] My bad. I should've introduced you.

I'll make it quick.

Meet the daughter of the richest,

most powerful Mafia don in Gotham City.

Helena Bertinelli.

Yep, that Bertinelli.

One day, she comes home to find

her whole family in the living room.

Momma.

Anyone and everyone with Bertinelli blood is there.

Oh, and that? That's Stefano Galante.

The guy making the play for

the Bertinelli turf and fortune.

[ALL GROANING]

When one of the goons finds the kid alive,

the big softy sneaks her outta there

and hides her away in Sicily.

Where she is raised by his own

father and brother. Both assassins.

She spends the next 15 years thinking only of revenge.

So, she starts training.

[BOTH GRUNTING]

When she was ready,

and by "ready" I mean

a badass motherfucking killing machine,

she moves back to Gotham.

Starts working on that kill list.

[GROANS]

She has the murder stuff down, but the rest?

Do you know who I am?

Do you know who I am?

[HARLEY] Still a work in progress.

Do you know who I am?

The Crossbow Killer.

They call me...

The Crossbow Killer.

They call me...

The Crossbow Killer?

They call me...

Huntress.

[HARLEY] She calls herself Huntress.

Fucking fabulous, if you ask me.

And who are you looking for?

- [SOFT MUSIC PLAYING] - [INDISTINCT CHATTERING]

Great club.

Quinn got the girl.

And?

And they disappeared.

Fuck!

Fuck!

[PEOPLE LAUGHING]

[WOMAN LAUGHING LOUDLY]

What is she laughing at?

Is she laughing at me?

She is.

No, she's not. She's...

What are you laughing at, Erika?

Roman, you gotta hear this.

- It's hilarious. - Get on the table.

- Oh. - [MAN] Ooh.

You're being a total kook.

[LAUGHS]

Get on the fucking table.

[PEOPLE MURMURING]

This is my club. Get up now.

- Okay. - [SIONIS] Now.

[INHALES SHARPLY] Whoa.

Now, dance.

Dance. Dance, Erika!

Okay.

This dress is fucking hideous.

Take it off.

Take your dress off.

Get up there and fucking cut it off her.

Do it now!

Take her fucking dress off.

Just rip it off her. Hurry up!

Hurry up!

- Fucking do it. - I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Do it.

[ERIKA WHIMPERING]

Yeah. Beautiful.

[CONTINUES WHIMPERING]

You wouldn't betray me, would you?

[STAMMERING] I was just gonna go look for the girl.

Oh, no, no, no. I want you to stay here with me.

I want you to stay here with me close.

You soothe me, little bird.

[LAUGHING]

Oh, good. You got it.

Did you trace the messages?

You stole evidence from an active crime scene,

and then had it sent to my office.

Renee, what were you thinking?

Roman is the one that put a price on the kid's head.

Okay? I had to.

I can't get into it right now...

Renee, you need help.

What are you talking about?

[ERICKSON] She's right.

You are a good cop, Montoya, but you've lost your way.

What?

[YEE] I'm sorry. Okay?

You gave me no choice.

- Did you sell me out? - I'm sorry.

You're suspended.

Your badge and your gun, now.

[HARLEY] If you've ever watched any cop movie ever,

you know that this is when shit gets real.

What's the point of the badge,

when it means fuck all anyway?

Right, Captain?

No cop ever gets anything done

until after they've been suspended.

Which would've had me worried,

only I had more pressing concerns.

And that is why you should never partake

in paying federal income taxes.

Hey, you'll ruin your nails.

Thank you.

Anyway, lesson 37.

- [KNOCKING ON DOOR] - Why...

[BRUCE GROWLING]

You said they wouldn't find us.

Chillax. No one knows we're here.

[OFFICER] Harleen Quinzel, this is Gotham Police.

Okay. So they know.

Let's scram.

[OFFICER] Open the door.

Holy back door, Beavy. This is getting outta hand.

Bruce, come here. [WHISTLES]

[OFFICER] I can hear you! Open the door.

What is that?

See you in hell, Harley!

- [MAN YELLING] - Get under the table!

Bruce? Bruce!

Come here! No!

[BOTH PANTING]

Bruce?

Come here, boy. Bruce?

Bruce?

Bruce?

This doesn't make sense.

It doesn't make sense. I don't understand.

No one knew we were here.

No one knew we were here, except...

Doc.

Oh, my God. Doc?

Doc? Where is he?

Doc?

I can't find Bruce. I can't find him. I...

No.

I'm sorry, lotus flower.

You sold me out?

Too many people offering me too much money.

I have enough now to open up a new restaurant.

A really nice one.

But, Doc,

it's me.

It's just business.

[CAR DOOR CLOSES]

[ENGINE STARTING]

[HARLEY SIGHS] This next bit ain't very pretty.

- You're right. - [CASSANDRA] Harley?

He's right.

Business is business.

I've got the kid.

But I'm gonna need to

renegotiate the terms of our deal.

If I hand her over,

I want everyone who's after me to back off.

[SIONIS] Quinn, bring me the rock now

and I guarantee your safety.

I own this town. You'll have my protection.

Fine.

Meet me at Amusement Mile. The Booby Trap. In one hour.

Quit judging.

["HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOT" PLAYING]

♪ Come on with it Come on ♪

Zsasz!

♪ But that's okay ♪

♪ See if I care ♪

Come on, kid.

Let's get you somewhere safe.

We got them.

[EXCLAIMING IN SURPRISE]

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Little bird!

You're gonna be driving Mr. Zsasz tonight.

Go. Fetch. Amusement Mile. The Booby Trap.

Do we have to bring them back?

I think you can manage a couple of little girls.

Just bring me back my diamond.

♪ Hit me with your best shot ♪

♪ Why don't you Hit me with your best shot ♪

[CELL PHONE CHIMES]

♪ Hit me with your best shot ♪

♪ Fire away ♪

♪ Hit me with your best shot ♪

♪ Fire away ♪

What is it?

Nothing.

Pull over.

What?

Pull the fucking car over now.

I gotta take a leak.

[ZSASZ] She betrayed you, boss. She betrayed you.

Are you sure?

Your little bird's a fucking rat.

[CRYING]

You want me to kill her?

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

No.

No. No.

I'll come to you.

♪ Hit me with your best shot ♪

♪ Why don't you Hit me with your best shot ♪

♪ Hit me with your best shot ♪

♪ Fire away ♪

I thought we were friends. And you...

You saw what it's like for me out there.

I didn't have a choice.

And if you go before he gets here, everything will be fine.

[MUFFLED] Harley.

- I'm sorry, kid. I am. - [GRUNTING]

[MUFFLED SHOUTING]

[POUNDING ON DOOR]

That was fast.

- She's in... - [GRUNTS]

Where's Cassandra Cain?

You? Again?

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

Are you drunk?

Come on.

Okay.

- [BELL DINGS] - [MONTOYA LAUGHS]

- [BELL DINGS] - [BOTH GRUNTING]

[BOTH SCREAM]

[BELL DINGING]

[MUFFLED SHOUTING]

[HARLEY GROANING]

Right in the tit.

- Where's Cassandra Cain? - [MUFFLED SHOUTING]

Cass.

[MONTOYA GROANS]

[HARLEY] You killed my sandwich!

[MONTOYA YELPING]

[SCREAMING]

[CRASHING]

Bye-bye, birdie.

Ow!

No fair.

Was that really necessary?

You don't know her like I do.

[LANCE] Cass?

[MUFFLED SHOUTING]

Oh, thank God.

I'm gonna get you outta here.

Did she really tape you

- to a damn toilet? - Mmm-hmm.

Hmm.

This is nice.

You're still conscious.

You can still feel?

Look at me. Are you a good girl, now?

"I'm a good girl. I'm a good girl."

I got one

for all the little birds

I helped fly away from this world.

I'm saving a special spot for you.

Right here.

- [MUFFLED SHOUTING] - [LANCE SHUSHING]

You're gonna have to be quiet.

- Ow! - Hi.

What are you guys doing?

Oh, I know where the diamond is.

Is that rock still inside you?

Oh, God.

Stop.

The hell, Zsasz?

Cut her open.

Stop fucking around.

You heard me.

Cut her fucking open.

Okay. No, no. No, no, no. See, she's just a kid.

You're a filthy fucking rat.

[SCOFFS] I'm a rat?

I knew you couldn't be trusted. Roman's little bird.

You little fucking bird.

That's why he needs me to look out for him.

That's why he needs me to take care of him.

You know you're just being paranoid, Zsasz.

- Yeah? - Mmm-hmm.

Prove it to me.

Rip open her little tummy.

Yeah, that's not gonna happen.

Now! Rip it open!

[ZSASZ GROANING]

- [GRUNTING] - [CONTINUES GROANING]

You piece of shit!

[ZSASZ SCREAMING]

[HARLEY GRUNTING]

Freeze!

Don't fucking move.

Who the fuck are you?

Go get the kid.

- All right. - [GUN COCKS]

- Whoa, whoa, whoa! - [CASSANDRA] Back the fuck up!

- Get away from me. All of you. - [LANCE] Put that shit down.

Shoot them, kid.

You, put that stupid-ass Robin Hood piece of shit down!

- Cass, it's okay. Just calm... - Don't move!

Okay.

I don't know what the fuck is going on.

But I know that this shit stick...

[CASSANDRA GRUNTS]

Just tried to gut me.

And you.

Thought you were different.

I'm sorry, kid.

I'm just a terrible person, I guess.

Ooh!

Ooh, I'm back.

Okay, I feel like I've just walked in on

something I don't give two shits about.

This guy's dead, so I'm just

gonna get outta your hair. Cool?

No. Wait. She's lying. She works for Sionis.

Excuse me? I work for Sionis?

I'm not letting you sell the kid to him.

I wasn't going to sell the kid.

I was going to trade the kid.

Yeah. To save your own stupid skin. Huh?

I'm not proud of what I did,

but I had half the city after me.

Even the fucking Crossbow Killer.

I'm not the Crossbow Killer!

Whoa.

They call me...

Helena Bertinelli.

For fuck's sake.

As in the Bertinelli massacre?

Sheesh kebab. That is childhood trauma, right there.

[HUNTRESS] I killed Galante.

[GROANS]

I killed his firing squad.

[BOTH GROAN]

I killed Victor Zsasz.

[GROANS]

And now I'm done.

Bravo.

So if you don't mind, I'm gonna leave now.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

I hate to be the one to break it to you,

sweetheart, but you are not done.

Who do you think funded.

Galante's little power grab, huh?

Galante was working with Sionis.

Roman killed your whole family looking for that rock.

You don't think he's gonna kill this kid?

That diamond is our only chance of stopping him.

[CASSANDRA] You guys.

Hey, I think you should see this.

Oh.

It's Sionis.

We're fucked.

He bought himself an army.

They're all here for me.

Aren't they?

- No. - They're not?

No, they're not.

Do you know what that means?

That means he's not just after the kid anymore.

He's after all of us.

He's sure as hell after me. I just robbed him.

You just betrayed him. You just killed his BFF.

And you're dumb enough

to be building a case against him.

So, unless we all wanna die very unpleasant deaths

and let Roman go finger-fishing

in the kid's intestinal tract,

we're gonna have to work together.

With you?

Yeah.

- [CRYING QUIETLY] - We're gonna work together,

and we'll get outta here in one piece, okay?

[MONTOYA SCOFFS]

Okay.

Yeah. Okay.

Sure.

Yes!

But we are gonna need some serious hardware.

Mmm-hmm.

Will this do?

No.

- Not at all. - [CASSANDRA GROANS]

[GASPS]

[MONTOYA] We're dead. We're fucking dead.

That slimy jizznozzle! I can't believe

- he took it all! - [HUNTRESS] We're fucked.

- Fuck! - Uh, there's this.

Okay.

[BLACK MASK] Friends, brothers, men of Gotham.

I have funded you. I've protected you.

I've scratched your backs and kept you outta jail.

Well, now it's time to say thank you.

Go show those little bitches

you don't mess with Roman Sionis.

Half a mil to whoever brings me the girl alive.

The rest you can kill.

Dope.

Oh, no, no, no. Not that one.

Sentimental value. Try this.

You're kidding.

What? Gotta take care of the girls.

Isn't this fun? It's just like a sleepover. [GASPS]

We should order pizza. Make cosmos.

- Harley, focus. Yeah. - Okay.

Hey, nice. What the hell is up

with this bow and arrow shtick?

It's not a fucking bow and arrow.

It's a crossbow. I'm not 12.

[LAUGHS] I love this chick. She's got rage issues.

[SHOUTING] I don't have rage issues.

You know, psychologically speaking,

vengeance rarely brings the catharsis we hope for.

Yeah.

Are we ready? Bad guys, just outside.

[GUNS COCKING]

[EXPLOSION]

- [ALL GASP] - Shit. Get down.

- [GUNFIRE] - [ALL YELPING]

Down here!

[MONTOYA] Cass!

- Follow me! - [MONTOYA] Go, go, go, go!

- Go! - [CASSANDRA SCREAMING]

[LAUGHING]

Holy shit!

[SCREAMING]

[GRUNTING]

[PANTING] What?

You are so cool.

Okay. This way.

[THUGS LAUGHING MENACINGLY]

- [GROWLING] - [CRACKS NECK]

Get ready, ladies.

["BARRACUDA" PLAYING]

[ALL GRUNTING]

[MONTOYA] Don't worry. You're gonna make it.

- Okay? Okay. - [THUG WHOOPING]

What the... Go! Go, go, go!

Fuck.

Shit. [SCREAMS]

[THUG CACKLING]

♪ Smiled like the sun Kisses for everyone ♪

Whoa. Shit!

♪ You lying so low In the weeds ♪

♪ I bet you gonna ambush me ♪

♪ You'd have me down, down, down On my knees ♪

♪ Now wouldn't you Barracuda? ♪

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

Motherfucker.

♪ "Sell me, sell you" ♪

- [GROANS] - [CASSANDRA YELPS]

♪ Dive down deep now And save my head ♪

[GRUNTING] Let me go!

Gotcha. [GROANS]

[HARLEY] This way!

Come on. Come on. It's okay. Come on.

You shouldn't have to see this.

Here, hold on to this for me, okay?

That's all you think about.

Just close your eyes and hold it tight. Okay?

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

Here. Get down. Come on. You'll be safe.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

[ALL GRUNTING]

Canary!

You okay?

We gotta go this way!

Ugh. More?

When the fuck did she have time to do a shoe change?

Come on.

[LEAD THUG YELLING]

[ALL GRUNTING]

Thanks.

[BLACK CANARY YELLS]

[HARLEY] Duck!

[GROANS]

- Hair tie? - Yeah.

Ah, fuck!

[ALL GRUNTING]

[HARLEY] I got him!

Get back here, kid!

Who's got the kid?

Get down!

[GROANS]

[ALL PANTING]

Please, no more.

So, forgive me yet?

Get off me.

Anyone else hungry? I know a great taco spot.

- I'm starving. - I love tacos.

- Really? - [GUNSHOT]

[INAUDIBLE]

- [BLACK CANARY] Down! Get down! - [MONTOYA GROANING]

[HARLEY] You're okay. You're okay.

Just breathe. Just breathe. Let me check it.

[CASSANDRA SCREAMING]

[CASSANDRA] Get off!

- [CONTINUES GROANING] - I got you.

Ooh!

Aren't you glad you wore that? Sexy and bulletproof.

Harley! No! Get off me!

Harley!

They got the kid. Shit!

We can't let them get her. I trust you.

- One bullet? - [CASSANDRA] Please help me!

Has anyone got any bullets?

Fuck. I'm out.

I can't get out there. I just need to get through.

- We gotta go. We gotta move. - Shit.

Guys, they're in the car.

- They're getting away. - [CASSANDRA SCREAMING]

- Get in there! - Get off!

- [GROANS] - Shit! I'm out.

[HARLEY] Guys, come on. They're closing in.

Canary, you know what you have to do!

Cover your ears! You better get her back.

[BLACK CANARY YELLING]

[SCREECHING]

[PANTING]

[HARLEY] Told ya she had a killer voice.

[PANTING]

[GROANS]

[GRUNTING]

[GASPS]

Need a ride?

[ALL GRUNTING]

[THUG] Get her!

[HORN HONKING]

Oh! [LAUGHING]

Whip me!

What?

- Whip me! - Okay.

Kid!

Harley!

Shoot her!

Harley!

- [BLACK MASK] Hit the brakes! - [BRAKES SCREECHING]

- [CASSANDRA] No! - [BOTH GRUNTING]

Uh-oh.

[TIRES SCREECHING]

[CASSANDRA SCREAMING]

[SIONIS YELPS]

[GROANING]

Kid!

[CASSANDRA] Harley!

[YELPS]

[SIONIS] Well, we always did share

a love of the dramatic.

[ECHOING] Didn't we?

And look at us now.

But don't you see? You're trying to kill me.

I'm the only one who can protect you!

You know you can't stand on your own, Quinn.

You're not the type!

But me? You need me!

[SEAGULLS SQUAWKING]

- [SIONIS GRUNTING] - [CASSANDRA WHIMPERING]

Here's the thing, Romy baby.

Your protection is based on the fact

that people are scared of you.

Just like they're scared of Mr. J.

- [CASSANDRA SCREAMS] - [GASPS]

But I'm the one they should be scared of.

Not you, and not Mr. J.

'Cause I'm Harley fucking Quinn.

[CASSANDRA YELPING]

[GUN CLICKS]

[SIGHS HEAVILY]

- Shit. - [SIONIS LAUGHING]

That was super embarrassing.

Hmm. Sure was.

You think you can beat me? You're a fucking moron.

I'm sorry, kid.

And I'm sorry I tried to sell you.

That was a dick move.

For what it's worth,

you made me want to be a less terrible person.

Ew.

If we're apologizing for shit, I should tell you something.

Excuse me!

[CASSANDRA] I stole something from you.

You slippery-fingered little turd.

I took your ring.

My ring?

Dope.

[HARLEY AND SIONIS GASP]

[SIONIS YELPING]

[SIONIS SCREAMING]

[HARLEY SIGHS]

[MONTOYA] Cass! Harley!

We're okay.

- You okay? - Yeah.

- He's gone? - Mmm-hmm.

Good. Fuck that guy.

Yeah. Tacos?

[MONTOYA] No, but seriously.

You were very impressive with that bow.

Very impressive.

[BLACK CANARY] It's a crossbow.

[HUNTRESS] I appreciate that. Thank you.

- [BLACK CANARY] Mmm-hmm. - Morning margaritas!

[BLACK CANARY] Thank you. I got you.

- You drink, right, kid? - Yeah.

I don't think so.

And I love that fucking name, Huntress.

- [HUNTRESS] Really? - Yeah.

Oh, great name.

Wow.

Um... I really like how you were able

to kick so high in those tight pants.

- Yeah, that is cool. - [HUNTRESS] Yeah.

- Thanks. - [CASSANDRA] Oh, um...

Thanks for the car.

You're welcome.

Kid, if that burrito doesn't make you shit,

- I don't know what will. - [LAUGHING]

Give me a minute.

[ALL CHEERING]

Yes!

- [BLACK CANARY WHOOPING] - [MONTOYA] Right.

[BLACK CANARY LAUGHING]

I've given her prune juice, laxatives.

I mean, the kid's got a stomach made of steel.

And you know what? I owe you an apology.

Me?

I underestimated you. And I'm sorry.

I'm used to it.

[CASSANDRA] Uh, Harley! Bring the colander.

[CASSANDRA GRUNTING]

Ladies.

Have fun with that.

So, what now?

Sionis is gone, but it's just

a matter of time before some other asshole

tries to finish what he started.

Right.

We gotta clean this city from the inside out.

Does she always talk like the cop in a bad '80s movie,

- or is that just me? - [LAUGHING]

Fuck you. And fuck you.

What?

I mean, we were amazing there.

Yeah! Hell yeah!

I agree completely. So I'll do that, as well.

Thank you.

- Right. - [TIRES SCREECHING]

Whoa. Whoa, whoa!

She stole my fucking car!

What?

[HUNTRESS LAUGHING]

I'm sorry.

[HARLEY] I know what you're thinking.

You think I'm a dick after all that.

But you heard what the cop said. Sionis is gone.

And those guys? They're gonna be just fine.

- [ALL CHEERING] - Montoya's boss picked up

the gangbangers at the Booby Trap.

And took all the credit while he was at it.

Again.

- [CHEERING CONTINUES] - ["WOMAN" PLAYING]

♪ I don't need a man To be holding me too tight ♪

It was the kick in the balls she needed

to see that she had nothing to prove

to those blowhard assholes.

- She quit the same day. - [OFFICER LAUGHING]

- ♪ I'm a motherfucker ♪ - [ALL GRUNTING]

We got the secret bank codes off the diamond.

And Huntress got her family money back.

♪ Mmm, yeah ♪

She's using it to fund

a little crime-fighting outfit.

They call themselves the Birds of Prey.

I call them dorky little do-gooders.

The rock itself was worth a chunk of change,

so I pawned it.

And I invested the cash in a little startup

making waves in the East End.

♪ I'm a motherfucking woman Baby, all right ♪

Oh! And I found Bruce.

He was wandering around Chinatown.

I guess it proves the theory

that hyenas really do have nine lives.

♪ I'm just having fun With my ladies here tonight ♪

[HARLEY GASPS]

[BOTH SNIFFING]

[BOTH SIGH HAPPILY]

♪ Say what you say ♪

♪ I work real hard every day ♪

♪ I'm a motherfucker ♪

[BRUCE YAWNS]

[HARLEY] Yeah, yeah. I made the kid my apprentice.

Call me a softy.

I dare ya.

[SIGHS]

Mmm!

♪ Mmm, yeah ♪

["DIAMONDS" PLAYING]

♪ Diamonds are a girl's best friend ♪

♪ Diamonds are a girl's best friend ♪

♪ Southern girl in me I ain't afraid to catch a case ♪

♪ VVS's on me And I flooded out the face ♪

♪ Diamonds are a girl's best friend ♪

♪ Diamonds are a girl's best friend ♪

♪ I don't need you I've got flooded out baguettes ♪

♪ I don't need you All my diamonds dripping wet ♪

♪ I'm a super shero, bitch Don't try me, hoe ♪

♪ Bad like a villain I pop it and then I reload ♪

♪ All the best things in life Come for free ♪

♪ But don't you think That applies to me ♪

♪ I do what I want 'Cause I know that I'm hot ♪

♪ I ain't a band But you know how I rock ♪

♪ Don't need no clippers To give you a chop ♪

♪ Took me to dinner Then I took him out ♪

♪ I like it When you call me crazy ♪

♪ Long as you Keep callin' baby ♪

♪ He think it's cute That I know how to shoot ♪

♪ Don't you get scared If I point it at you ♪

♪ Broke up with my ex Dumped him in a text ♪

♪ Would wish you the best But I already left ♪

♪ Date night with my bitches Gettin' real twisted ♪

♪ You know what you could do? Give my ass a bunch of kisses ♪

♪ I love me this much ♪

♪ My pear shape All dripped up ♪

♪ It's freezing ♪

♪ In my bag ♪

♪ Diamonds are a girl's best friend ♪

♪ Diamonds are a girl's best friend ♪

♪ I don't need you I've got flooded out baguettes ♪

♪ I don't need you All my diamonds dripping wet ♪

♪ I know how to work a gun I don't need a range ♪

♪ And I can take a hit I ain't scared of the pain ♪

♪ And I don't really bang But I came with the gang ♪

♪ And if you get too close I might snatch off your chain ♪

♪ You want me to be A little more lady-like? ♪

♪ Come through with my girls And beat your ass On ladies' night ♪

♪ You don't want to go Toe to toe with my pedicure ♪

♪ Everyone you know be like "Bro, how you handle her?" ♪

♪ Diamonds are my new boyfriend ♪

♪ So that mean I will never ever Fuck with you again ♪

♪ And I ain't never need him So it's so easy to leave him ♪

♪ And I be doing me I ain't never Tryin' to please him ♪

♪ Diamonds are a girl's best friend ♪

♪ Diamonds are a girl's best friend ♪

♪ I don't need you I've got flooded out baguettes ♪

♪ I don't need you All my diamonds dripping wet ♪

♪ Cartier, Cartier, Cartier ♪

["SMILE" PLAYING]

♪ Got bridges to burn And places to run ♪

♪ Yeah, this smile Is a loaded gun ♪

♪ It's my party, my body, my business ♪

♪ It's my town and my ground And my hit-list ♪

♪ It's my world And you're just living in it ♪

♪ Did I, did I, did I finish? ♪

♪ They are my girls And it's us who's deciding ♪

♪ It's our door Did we say you're invited? ♪

♪ Leave your name And we'll call if we like it ♪

♪ If we, if we, if we like it ♪

- ♪ No more ♪ - ♪ Mrs. Sweet and Miss Nice ♪

- ♪ No more ♪ - ♪ Mrs. Fucking Polite ♪

- ♪ Time's up ♪ - ♪ Mrs. Taking What's Mine ♪

♪ You don't need him ♪

♪ Got bridges to burn And places to run ♪

♪ Yeah, this smile Is a loaded gun ♪

♪ All these fakers They come to a stop with me ♪

♪ Trying to step on my rungs ♪

♪ All these boys Trying to play my discography ♪

♪ Never heard of them once ♪

♪ They keep chasing my props ♪

♪ But I'm leaving them numb ♪

♪ Bridges to burn And places to run ♪

♪ Bridges to burn And places to run ♪

♪ Bridges to burn And places to run ♪

♪ Bridges to burn And places to run ♪

- ♪ No more ♪ - ♪ Mrs. Sweet and Miss Nice ♪

- ♪ No more ♪ - ♪ Mrs. Fucking Polite ♪

- ♪ Time's up ♪ - ♪ Mrs. Taking What's Mine ♪

♪ You don't need him ♪

♪ I've got got bridges to burn And places to run ♪

♪ Bang bang And your party's done ♪

♪ I've got got bridges to burn And places to run ♪

♪ Yeah, this smile Is a loaded gun ♪

♪ I've got got bridges to burn And places to run ♪

♪ Bang bang And your party's done ♪

♪ I've got got bridges to burn And places to run ♪

♪ Yeah, this smile Is a loaded gun ♪

["BAD MEMORY" PLAYING]

♪ I found you naked On the floor, hungover ♪

♪ Got some number Written sloppy on your palm ♪

♪ It's over ♪

♪ Yeah, I recognize Just who you truly are A liar ♪

♪ So I set all of your records And your clothes on fire ♪

♪ Like what's up? ♪

♪ I'm gone now ♪

♪ Feeling good, feeling great ♪

♪ I'm done now ♪

♪ Like... ♪

♪ I'm set free ♪

♪ Not on my mind No lie, you're just a bad You're just a bad memory ♪

♪ You're just a bad memory ♪

♪ You're just a bad memory ♪

♪ Bad, bad, bad memory ♪

♪ Bad, bad, bad memory ♪

♪ Bad, bad, bad memory ♪

♪ Bad, bad, bad memory ♪

[HARLEY] Are you dummies still sitting there?

Fine. Since you stuck it out this long,

I'll tell you a super-duper secret secret.

But you can't tell anyone.

Okay. Did you know that Batman...

Subtitles by explosiveskull Resync by ViSHAL