Original subtitles

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull

Who's a good boy?

You are, yes you are!

You're a good boy. Yes, you are.

Yes, you are.

Oh, yes, you are.

We're rolling.

Oh, are we rolling?

We're rolling.

Do we start now?

I think so.

Okay.

Hi.

I'm Stewart.

I'm Everrett.

Yeah.

We're Stewart and Everrett. Yeah.

And we're best friends.

We're best friends.

And we hunt vampires.

For awhile.

Yeah. Yeah.

Ever since high school, that's when we we started.

Do you want to tell them?

You should tell them.

Okay.

No, I'll tell them.

Okay, No. That's better idea.

You should tell them, I'm sorry.

I have a flare for storytelling.

You do.

So we were,

it was at Blockbuster video.

Yeah. Back when Blockbuster just opened.

We're like, oh, this is so much better than Avenue video.

Set the scene,

we were picking up chicks at the time.

Yeah.

- At Blockbuster. - Yeah.

I just hit puberty.

I got my first chest hair.

Those were the days. I was jealous about that chest hair.

Yeah. Well, after the show,

cause we didn't know each other.

Oh yeah.

Back to, we're jumping ahead.

Lets just stay in one moment.

Okay. Okay.

- Blockbuster. - Blockbuster.

We're going, we're there.

And chances of falling,

we're there for the same movie.

Yeah. Yeah.

- Let's say it the same time, - Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

We do that so good.

We need to practice that. We need to practice that.

We know it's a new thing that we're trying

the No-look high fives.

Yeah. We were renting Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Not like the Sarah Michelle Gellar one.

She got it wrong.

She didn't do the role justice.

No, no.

I mean, she's tried,

but no, it's like, Kristy Swanson.

Kristy Swanson nailed that role.

She's like the Primo vampire Hunter.

Yeah. When I think vampire Slayer, I think Kristy. Yeah.

Yeah,

not even Van Helsing.

Like, Kristy's way better.

She knows how to hold a stake.

Yeah.

What did you mean?

She know her way around a stake.

She did know her way around the stake.

Let's leave it at that.

Yeah.

Anyways, we had the same Blockbuster.

Same time.

We were in the horror aisle.

Horror aisle.

We both love killing vampires.

For a little bit tug of war with the VHS.

It was like, if you could imagine it right there.

Yeah.

Hey, can you like VFX a DVD?

Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Yeah, Buffy The Vampire Slayer.

We been the VHS right?

Yeah VHS, and it's like this.

Okay. And then, we're like, what are we fighting?

Why don't instead of fighting over this

we make our first friend?

That was my thought.

I don't know if were thinking.

Yeah, no, I was thinking the same thing.

Cause I didn't have friends.

That's why I was at Blockbuster alone.

Yeah.

Renting, Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Right.

Cause Kristy Swanson was in it.

We rented it, and we watched it together and we're like,

did you just become my best friend?

Yeah. And I knew that was the case.

Yeah.

So we've been best friends ever since.

And like we, yeah, we loved hunting vampires so much.

It was like, we're like,

ah we gotta do something about this.

Cause this threat is real.

We decided that we needed, you know...

the only option at this point was to make a club.

Yeah.

Where we hunted vampires.

If you think about it,

it's the most logical thing.

Okay. They got clubs for chess.

Chess.

Okay, they got clubs for band.

Science.

And science.

We weren't cool enough for any of those clubs.

No no, we were cool,

- but everyone else just wasn't as woke as we were. - Woke.

Yeah.

To vampire threat,

which is real.

And imminent.

Yeah. Eminent or imminent?

Imminent.

I still can't tell what you're, imminent.

Imminent,

Let's not worry about it.

Let's to get the story,

let's get to the story right, move along.

All right.

All right.

So we made our own club.

All right.

And we are the founding members.

The only real members.

Yeah, The only real ones.

We did have a third member show up,

some foreign student.

But.

Yeah.

He was weird.

Some idiot named Toby.

Yeah, his name was Toby.

I couldn't understand anything he was saying.

I ain't understand anything he said at any point.

Yeah, I mean, it was nice to have a third man.

Cause that was when the school gave us a budget

of like $15 a semester.

Those were great days.

Yeah. That was a great pizza party.

Yeah.

At the end of every semester.

Our first and last.

Yeah.

But we're still hunting vampires.

To this day.

Yeah.

Now, We've never actually seen...

No, we've had a few.

It's been close.

A few close calls.

We cannot confirm nor deny that there was not,

or was vampire present at per time.

There was that guy.

There was the janitor.

Well, before the janitor.

Before the janitor.

When we were in college and we were broke.

We were donating plasma,

Because we didn't have money.

There was that phlebomist.

Phlebotomist.

Yeah, phle, who was.

Phlebotomist.

Yeah. That's what I said.

Keep going.

The phlebotomist.

Phlebo tomist.

Say phlebotomist.

Phlebotomy, phlebotomy, phlebotomist.

Okay.

Phlebotomist.

Phletomy.

God, Phlebotomist.

Okay, yeah. That's what I'm saying.

You sound like Toby right now.

Okay, that's a low blow, okay.

All right.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Best friend hug?

Sorry hug?

Okay. All right.

Vincent Price.

That's our safe word.

Vincent Price.

Yeah. It lets us know,

we need to chill.

Tone down, take it down,

feelings may be getting to hurt.

Vampires may be in the area.

It just brings us back to reality.

Lets us know like,

Hey, I care about you, bro.

I care about you.

Yeah, me too.

So, let's pick it up.

Why don't you take this story.

The phlebotomist.

The phlebotomy, You're better at saying the word.

Yeah, we were both donating plasma

and this nurse was like, getting extra close.

Extra close with a needle.

Yeah. She was looking at our veins, right.

She wanted to open us up.

Yeah. She was looking at our veins

like a tasty little sandwich.

Yeah, I swore she licked her lips once

and that's what like sent me off.

- I was like, Oh my God, this is a vampire. - Hold on!

And at that point it was all Vincent Price,

Vincent Price.

Vincent price, Vincent Price.

Yeah. We got out of there real quick.

Yeah. Turns out she wasn't a vampire.

Her job was to deal with all the blood.

We learned what a phlemagodist was, later.

Phlebotomist.

Yeah.

Okay.

Then. Then.

- Oh yeah, this one's my favorite. - Yeah.

The janitor.

The janitor.

Walking around in a kinda daze,

all the time,

and we weren't sure what was going on.

Well, he was cleaning.

I knew what was going on.

His teeth that are, they were kind of dripping a red...

Yeah, his mouth was so red.

I was like, dude, you're right.

He's definitely been drinking blood.

Yeah. It turns out

he just had some pretty bad Gingivitis.

Oh my gosh.

It was the worst Gingivitis,

you could smell it.

Yeah.

I was in the bathroom,

using it when he was cleaning.

I'm like, I smell something that is not fecal matter,

and it is worse.

Or vampire.

That's how we deduced that one.

Deduce.

Deduce.

Yeah. He wasn't a vampire though.

He was, he was a raging alcoholic.

Yeah. It was just sad.

Yeah. He got fired later that year.

Or did he die?

Well, he died after he got fired.

Yeah.

You shouldn't laugh about that.

No.

No man.

Alcoholism is bad.

That's how we knew he wasn't a vampire.

Cause...

He died.

But there was the third time.

The third time that we thought...

Oh yeah.

It's been three,

three really strong vampires.

Big close encounters.

Yeah. Close encounters.

The seventh kind.

Of seventh kind?

Yeah.

We got humans, number one.

Spiders, Number two.

Ghouls,

You got giraffes.

Why gir-?

I'll just finish the list, we can go back.

Okay. Okay.

Well, giraffes threw me off, that's why.

Witches.

Witches,

werewolves.

That would be seven right there.

If we're counting giraffes.

You'll have...

Oh that's six, yeah.

Anyways, the vampires that I encountered

is a seventh.

Seventh kind.

Sasquatch would be eight, then.

It's kinda like the planet Pluto,

where you don't know if it's a planet.

Scientists go back and forth

on whether it's actually a planet or not.

Okay.

That's the kind of same thing

with the seventh kind, of supernatural being.

He's way more into that kind of research than I am.

I'm more in the science side of vampire hunting.

He's more in the mythos.

Yeah.

They're both valid.

Important parts.

Well, I couldn't do what I do without him.

Left brain right brain kind of thing.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm the right brain.

The last time that we thought we saw a vampire.

And this was crazy.

It was crazy.

We were walking outside.

It was dark.

It was that night.

Classic time for a vampire to show up.

Which as we learned,

vampires aren't exclusive to the night.

No, no.

It just happened to be night.

That's a common myth.

Myth busted, their out at all times.

We busted that myth, all right.

Vampires can be in the daylight.

They just can't be in direct direct sunlight.

Direct sunlight. Yeah.

Yeah.

But we're walking...

So anyways, we were walking,

the trees we're like.

Trees, speaking this,

that was scary they sounded like they were speaking...

I'm the trees in the background.

You're walking.

The wind going through the leaves,

sounding like they were talking,

like it was Siamese or something.

Yeah.

And then, with those Siamese trees,

then came right over our head-

duck, oh.

Oh, oh, oh what was that?

We got attacked, we were attacked,

it was a bat.

It was a bat.

It was a bat.

Now, it didn't assume human-vampire form,

but that was a vampire.

Yeah.

All right, it was buzzing us.

All right.

I didn't have my scarf on, or anything.

You didn't have a scarf on.

He was a little cold.

He was a little chilly and...

It saw my neck.

It saw his neck, Yeah.

And then it went for his neck.

Yeah.

And then...

- It missed, luckily. - And it then went away.

Yeah.

And it was gone.

Yeah. Luckily it went away.

We were not ready for that.

From then on we always carried a stake on us.

A stake, yeah.

And that's a wooden stake to clarify.

Yeah. Yeah.

Well what are we hunting?

Werewolves?

Yeah, this was a wooden stake.

Yeah, a wooden stake.

Yeah. We carry those with us now.

Yeah, we do that.

Yeah. I don't actually have mine on me though.

Well, I mean, you have your secret stake right?

Always.

I didn't bring my secret stake.

Okay. Well, as long as one of us has it.

Yeah. Well, we ran here,

so I didn't think I'd need it.

Well, maybe we should refresh ourselves,

and the viewers on the rules of vampire hunting.

Just so.

Oh yeah, yeah.

To never forget.

Yeah. There's always rules, all right.

We have our top three rules of vampire hunting.

When we founded the club.

These were the three rules we set.

The three rules Vampire hunting.

Oh, sorry.

I'm Everett. And I'm,

and these are the three rules, like that.

I'm Stewart

And I'm Everett.

And these are the three rules of vampire hunting.

Rule number one,

always use the buddy system when hunting vampires.

Rule number two,

Do you remember?

Blinking on number...

Rule number two,

never be alone with a vampire.

Rule number three,

Never be alone with a vampire.

Hah...

That's a nice touch.

Thank you.

That was good.

It kind of scared me.

Yeah.

Yeah. We vampire role play sometimes

and it gets scary.

Yeah.

Gets really scary.

We're here in our secret vampire room lair.

Secret cave lair room.

Yeah. It's so secret.

We don't even know where it is.

We take turns putting bags over each other's heads,

and bring this there.

So at any point, neither of us know where we're going.

Neither of us know where it is, neither.

Neither,

should be either or man?

Either. Yeah it's a situation.

That's not a word.

Yeah.

What'd you say?

When we founded the vampire hunting club,

we knew that we had to have the rules.

Rules

But we also needed a motto.

Motto, kind of like,

founded after great organizations,

such as, the Boy Scouts of America,

Yeah.

Girl Scouts of America.

Yeah. And.

Birdwatchers of America.

- Weight Watchers. - Weight Watchers.

They got all those mottos and slogans.

Yeah. Our motto.

Yeah.

You don't remember our motto?

Of course, I do.

How do you not remember our motto man?

Well, no, I remember it.

You need to take this a little more seriously, Everrett.

Okay?

Okay.

All right. The motto is important.

The motto is important.

And you got to remember it.

I know it.

All right.

It's practically inscribed on my heart.

Yeah, go ahead, say it now.

- Best friends who hunt vampires never leave - each other.

That's right. Okay, he made me worried.

Yeah. Best friend who hunt vampires together

never leave each other.

He wrote that.

I did write that.

I was trying to protect our friendship.

I thought it was a little bit redundant,

because we already talked about that in the rules.

Redundancies are the safest,

or as the adage goes,

redundant a day, keeps the friends together.

Yeah.

Yeah. Anyway, when we hunt vampires,

the best way that we found is to do a mirror check.

And that's why...

Yeah. Explain for the viewers back home.

What a mirror check is.

Yeah. The mirror check works really simple.

So I have a mirror around my neck

and I wear it like this.

Around his neck.

It's kind of like my talisman.

It almost acts as, if his neck weren't so big.

It would act as kind of a protection

against a vampire bite.

My neck wasn't so big.

What do you mean my neck is big?

It's a big muscle.

Oh, okay.

Yeah. So, but anyways, the mirror check works like this.

I take a mirror and I look at a person through the peephole,

like this.

For instance, if I were...

- If I'm a regular- - Someone coming,

And then I hold it like this

and I check to see if they have a reflection.

And that person has a reflection, they're not a vampire.

I was worried I was vampire.

No. You're not a vampire, man.

Yeah, but you see. Yeah. So, like, yeah... You at home?

Oh, yeah, not a vampire.

- See, your reflection. - Do, what if I was a vampire?

If you were a vampire? If you were a vampire?

No, no, no.

No. Stop, stop.

Stop.

I'm sorry.

Vincent Price.

Okay. I'm sorry.

Okay.

And sometimes we're going to switch

off wearing the mirror too.

Sometimes I like to do the mirror checks.

Sometimes he does the mirror checks.

I only do the mirror checks.

Well so far, but you're...

I'm the one with the mirror.

Yeah. Okay.

But maybe I could get it off.

I told you to get one off Amazon.

All right.

Okay.

It's not that hard, man.

You have prime, just order one.

Pull your phone out and order it.

You know what, I think we're done here.

Right?

Let's show them where we train for vampires.

Cause there's way more than just hunting,

looking for vampires.

And talking about it, right.

Yeah, there's a training regimen.

It gets super hardcore.

Yeah, done.

So can we stand up?

Rolling.

All right, so we're rolling?

So we should start?

Okay. A vampire hunter is only as good

as his tools that he uses.

His tools and his equipment.

Yeah. So today we're doing a stake maintenance.

Stake maintenance.

Cool.

Yeah. So these are wooden stakes

that we use to kill vampires.

You might be wondering why are they so big?

It's because vampires like to get close.

But we don't.

And so here's the thing.

Vampire hunting is a hazardous profession.

It's super hazardous.

I mean, most of our injuries come

from shaving these stakes.

Yeah. I get a lot of splinters.

That's why we're cutting the corners.

Oh gosh.

I made another...

When we first started this

in high school,

that idiot Toby totally got shanked

in the eye by one of these splinters.

Yeah. And then principal was like,

you can't sharpen stakes in a school.

And we were like, hmm?

I was like, well, I'll do it a hundred times.

If I got to see Toby cry again.

Yeah. I mean, we were keeping the school safe.

The principal didn't get it.

The unknown threat.

Imminent threat.

Yeah. You said it again.

I know.

Are you saying imminent or eminent?

Yeah. Okay.

Well we're just shaving the edges.

We even get these little.

Yeah, those are really good for secret stakes too.

Secret stakes, like this.

Yeah. Look real close.

That's a dangerous blade.

Yeah. Yeah.

So you could take that.

That would definitely pierce a vampire's heart.

Yeah. Or a major artery.

But I like to make sure my secret stake is really sharp.

Checked it out, yeah.

I got it with me all the time.

Except before.

Sometimes I keep it behind my ear.

Sometimes I keep it in my mouth.

So I like to put it out like this.

So that people know I'm ready to go.

I keep on pointing it, I'm just like what?

We can't understand anything...

What's up?

We can't understand anything you're saying

when you have it in your mouth.

I can, yeah, you can.

No.

All right.

Didn't get any of that.

I'm practicing.

Okay.

What about when I do that?

No better.

I got some wood in my mouth.

Yeah. We get a lot of splinters,

I'm worried about splinters right now.

That's your basic stakes maintenance.

Yeah. So the stake maintenance,

you got to make sure your stakes are sharp.

These are wooden stakes.

Sorry.

We're really good at this.

We're just doing this really fast.

Yeah. See see?

Something a little bit like this

If you're a vampire and you see that, you like, ah ah.

You know this guy knows his way around a stake.

Yeah.

This guy has had a stake in his mouth.

Yeah. You can cut that.

Oh,

Just cut all those.

All right.

Yeah. That was as good.

It's more for show.

It's not really practical.

Yeah. I don't think I'm going to get

splinters from this anymore.

This'll be good.

Okay.

Did you just flip your knife?

That was cool.

Aw.

I'm not a vampire man.

Yeah. I get pumped up.

Yeah. Okay.

Well that's why we train, we practice with these,

because it's not enough to just have a sharp wooden stake.

You got to be in peak physical condition.

Right.

Just look at us right now.

All right, this is peak human-form.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Yeah, We kind of represent two sides of the same token,

because I'm left brain, right brain.

Left brain, speed and speed.

Agility.

Agility, dexterity.

And I'm like, brute force and really short sprints.

And being a solid law.

I'm like a wall, yeah.

Yeah.

I'm going to set this down.

Let's say move to our next phase of training.

Yeah. These bodies don't come without a cost though.

Alright. We gotta work hard.

Yeah, work hard.

That's why we lift weights.

Right.

And we callous our hands at the same time,

to protect from splinters.

And we use bricks.

Like every day this is what I do.

There's a few things we do to work out

different areas of the body.

Yeah.

Deltoids, tri-trops.

Yeah.

Nordstroms.

And those combined all bring...

What's a nordstrom?

Nordstrom is somewhere between

the clavicle and then the right nipple.

Your pectoral?

Yeah. It's weird that you don't know the anatomy.

I know the pectoral.

I just was being specific,

between the clavicle and the-

We'll dumb it down for the viewers,

we'll dumb it down for the viewers.

Yeah, biology is a hard subject.

That's why we didn't pass.

But yeah, we do this.

I do 12 of these.

One time I was pressing two bricks together.

I brought my hands apart

and it was just a bust of a human face.

With this sheer concentration

and power of my Nordstroms,

I can just compact any shape I want.

I don't think that nordstrom's a thing man.

Huh?

I don't think that nordstrom's a thing.

Oh, I'm the science guy, remember?

You're right.

Stay in your lane.

I'll stay in my lane,

but yeah, we try to turn these dust.

That's the other exercise.

We focus all our mental power,

and we make it dust.

Okay. Yeah.

That's enough.

I'll do it later.

That's enough for me.

We'll save that for the extras later on the DVD.

We can do some cardio now.

Yeah. So our cardio, we can't afford a treadmill

and we don't want to go outside,

cause people could be the vampires.

That's right.

You got to assume everyone's a vampire.

Assume everyone's a vampire.

Yeah. So what we do for our cardio is we run in place.

So you show up and then I time him with my head.

Right hand, always in stake, stake grasp.

Why aren't you running with your stake?

You got to run with your stake, otherwise.

All right, there you go.

There you go.

Keep doing that.

By the way, there's a vampire behind me.

Stab, stab, stab, stab.

Yeah.

Let's give him the view.

Yeah.

Let's give him the view.

Yeah. You can see it stabbing right there.

And if you want to get real crazy,

can I get your other secret stake?

Can I get your secret stake, stat, stat, stat?

Yeah

We get this going.

We get two at once.

We got vampires on all sides,

and all this sudden I'm spinning around.

And if he's the vampire over there, he's getting stabbed.

There's blood everywhere.

I'm taking down 10 or 16 vampires at the same time.

I'm bleeding out.

Oh, there's so much blood.

Oh, and I'm dead. That was good.

That's your basic yeah.

So that's cardio.

Cardio.

That's how we do our cardio.

He's one of the cardio person.

My cardio is like, ah, I'm done.

Cause I bulk.

He's really good as a bulk.

Yeah. And the other exercise we do is,

there's a lot of legwork.

Whenever you use your secret stake,

it's not just like oh arm power.

You got to get your legs into it.

And this is where he...

Instead of, we do vampire squats.

So my buddy climbs on my back.

My best friend, climb up.

You gotta hold me up.

I'm trying to hold you up.

I's your exercise not my exercise.

You're riding on my knees.

I'm trying to get up.

All right.

Let's try it again.

Let's try it again.

Alright.

Okay. This time, maybe I should give

you a warning.

I'm getting on now.

Okay.

I'm getting on now.

All right. Good.

I'm falling.

Don't fall.

I'm falling again.

You pull my butt out.

Yeah, I saw him.

I saw your secret tattoo there.

Yeah. You almost saw our secret tattoo.

Why are you talking about our secret tattoo?

Oh yeah, that's right.

Okay. But they got the idea with that.

Or do you want to try one more?

We might as well tell them now, the secret's out.

So we have secret tattoos

that we both got.

In a secret place.

It's very secret place.

None of us show,

we don't even see each other's secrets tattoos.

We only know where ours is,

we've never seen each other's.

But you should show them your secret tattoo.

That's not a good idea.

Well, we talked about it,

we should probably show them,

so they know like, hey, you're a good guy.

But what if it's not.

What if it's not what?

Oh oh, hide and seek.

We'll totally do that.

We'll totally show them hide and seek, Right?

Okay.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. So hide and seek, the other thing.

So you might be wondering where we are right now.

We can't tell you cause to another secret place.

And we don't even know cause

we put bags over each other's heads.

And you what, it's not the abandoned warehouse

behind Olive Garden.

- Not at all. - No.

- It's not an abandoned warehouse behind Olive Garden. - How did you know that?

I don't know that, I said it wasn't that.

It's not that, but so vampire is very sneaky,

very sneaky.

So we have to hunt them and we thought the best way to

do that is to be like the best hide and seekers

in the world.

So we take turns, playing hide and seek.

Most people count to maybe 10 or 20 to give time to,

try three seconds.

One, two, three.

All right. Okay. I'm not looking, not looking,

vampire.

All right, He's left.

Okay. All right.

I'll get your secret stake out.

Even on, like exercises like this,

you got to play it like it's for real.

All right.

So here we go.

Okay.

So he's somewhere in here and this is

the hide and seek part.

Watch how good we are at it.

Hah, I got him, found the vampire.

He's good.

Found him, found him.

All right, my turn now.

If I was a vampire right now.

You'd be so dead.

I would be so dead.

Sorry. I was excited, but my favorite part is hiding.

Okay. My turn?

Yeah, your turn. Okay, I got it,

one, two, three.

Gosh. He just went into night.

Part of vampire hunting, you're rely on your senses.

One of those is, is hearing.

So if you can hear the drop of a noise,

that's when you know...

Got him, got him, got him, stake on him, stake on him.

He got me, he got me.

The good idea with the bird.

When you're hiding from a vampire, you wanna

you want to grab something preferably cheerful.

It kind of distracts from...

I was going to make bird noises.

Cause vampires are shape-shifters.

It's not just bats.

Bats eat birds,

or is it birds eat bats?

Both of them.

Yeah, there's eating each other.

And you know, we'd totally eat a bat.

I'm going to set this back down.

Yeah. Okay.

But yeah.

So that's hide and seek.

It's hide and seek.

That's our hide and seek. We go back and forth

with that all the time.

Man. It's taking.

Yeah. We're so fast.

We're fast now.

It's like, we've run out of hiding spaces.

We always know where they are.

I'm running out of stuff I can hold up to my face,

- so that he can't see where I'm at. - Yeah.

It's crazy, how I have zero facial recognition.

It's still your face.

He's like a newborn, he's like a toddler.

It's like, where did go, oh my gosh.

I was nervous.

That's like, our physical training.

But you know, there's a lot

of mental game that goes into this.

All right.

Yeah.

We both put a lot of thought into it.

So we've come up with a secret handshake.

That is our thing that lets us know like, Hey

we're part of the brotherhood of vampire Hunting.

This is not an imposter you're dealing with,

this is somebody who knows vampire.

Yeah. Yeah.

So our secret handshake,

if you want to know the other person is

in the vampire club,

you walk up and you're like

huh? No, it's not the left side.

Yeah. It's not even a handshake.

I never know if it's my right or his left.

It's my left.

It's always the human's left.

Yeah. Vampires too, vampire's hearts are on the left side.

Cause they were humans that turned into vampires.

It's like almost when you

become a vampire, I don't want to get too much

into the science of it.

But it's like you got passed

into the mirror dimension

and it's there you're half alive.

That's the exact opposite of what I said.

Yeah. But I didn't want to correct you

at the time, but yeah.

Oh, okay.

You know what, let's agree to disagree.

Disagree on that one.

Friends can do that.

It's not an exact science.

You know, it's not, we're learning.

All right, there's room for error.

There's always room for error.

But we also, there's a secret code that, cause you know what

like we could be a vampire and...

Even if we poke.

Yeah. That's not a sure proof.

Not foolproof.

Yeah. It's like a name tag.

Like, hey, I'm part of the club

but I could be a vampire underneath.

Yeah.

So we came up with the sure fire way

we know vampires hate garlic.

Vampires hate it.

So every time we separate

from each other and we come back together,

we always make sure that we eat a clove of garlic.

- Always eat a clove of garlic. - In front of the other person.

The other person has to watch that that's the garlic right there. All right.

And we eat this and.

Yeah.

Let's eat ours.

Cause I don't know if you're a vampire right now.

That's right.

And same for you.

We could either of us be.

I could be a vampire, too.

Yeah.

Yeah.

This is like the worst.

No one likes eating garlic.

No.

This is our least favorite part of the club.

Vampires dislike it more

than the average sensible person.

Yeah, but we need to do this.

That's why we bite the garlic.

Are you a vampire?

I'm not a vampire man,

I just hate doing this.

I hate it too.

My tongue is really burning, but we're no vampires

because there would be a violent reaction.

So what we're doing right now,

that's not, don't pay attention to it.

You didn't eat it, man.

I bit it really hard.

My tongue is burning.

But that's normal.

Yeah. That's our secrets...

That's how we know the other person is not a vampire.

Alright. Vincent Price.

Can we cut? Can we go?

I need a break.

Sometimes we like to come to the park,

and just do our hunting here.

Because... we feel this place vampires would go,

cause there's a lot of people.

Then the shade provides adequate darkness for

Yeah.

...for vampires.

Cause like we said, vampires

they can't be in direct sunlight

but they could be out in the day.

Out during the day.

This park's ideal, look?

Common misnomer.

Misnomer.

Yeah. That's a good word.

I'm learning, man.

I'm proud of you.

Thanks.

Yeah, this is great.

Ah, man, you think back

to the first moment that we started vampire hunting.

Yeah.

Ah, man, we were doing it forever now.

It's been over 10 years.

Yeah, and I've been meaning to

talk a little bit about that.

I was wondering maybe,

I don't know...

If you want to maybe like step it

up a little bit more and we can move in together,

and be roommates.

Oh I mean,

And then we can vampire hunt non-stop.

Sure, no. I mean.

Then we wouldn't have to eat garlic cloves

in front of each other.

You know, I love vampires more than anybody,

I got the tattoo.

You love to kill vampires.

Yeah, and...

Yeah, I got the tattoo, too.

But I just don't know if the vampires haven't been...

Hold on, hold on.

Something's coming, mirror check, mirror check.

All right, we're good, we're good.

Okay.

It was a kid anyways.

I don't think...

Yeah, vampires can't be kids.

They suck them dry

before they could even turn into one.

I mean, like, Anne Rice, like, really pointed out

a big taboo of vampires.

You shouldn't turn kids,

because they're a kid forever then.

Yeah.

Man they're crying over there.

Okay.

No, I was just thinking that vampires, having...

Haven't what?

Really been in

since like 20 I don't know,

when the last Twilight movie came out,

like, 2015.

I mean just because vampires

aren't, like, a hit fad right now.

I'm saying if we wanted to expand the group

a little bit, past, I'm not trying

to get another Toby in there.

I don't want an idiot.

Oh my gosh.

I hate Toby so much.

Why not add a little,

a different flavor other than us.

Nothing wrong with...

Why we need more people though?

I mean, when we tried to bring in Toby,

Toby sucked, he sucked worse than a vampire

Yeah, but you have never met anybody

who sucked worse than Toby.

It can't be one out there.

Do you want to try to find someone worse?

Cause that's what we'll do.

And we open the flood gates to our group.

Our group is premium.

I'm not talking about flood Gates.

I'm talking about maybe a drip gate.

Just let in one or two.

No, it's not one or two man.

Look around, there's plenty of people.

Do you know how many people

watch our Facebook live stream

when we talk about vampire things, all right?

We get like six followers.

We do, yeah.

Six viewers every time.

Yeah.

Every time.

So one of those six might be, I'm just saying.

It wouldn't be just saying, it's been those six people.

No three people, and then those three people,

know more people.

It's been 10 years.

All right.

Our thing going to end

up turning into a big pyramid scheme.

Yeah.

Yeah, I see what you're saying, but it's been 10 years.

Stew.

It's been more than 10 years.

It's been 10 years.

Everrett.

Okay.

And I'm just saying

we haven't for sure seen a vampire yet.

What have we spent?

I mean, we haven't even.

Dude, we're looking every day

We haven't even expand into the ghoul.

Hold on, there's another one mirror check.

Hold on, stop.

Hey, stop, mirror check.

This is important.

Okay, What is it? We're good?

We're good, We're good.

Yeah, of course. We're good,

because there's no vampires out there is what I'm saying.

so, I'm just saying...

That right there.

Okay. Maybe, hold on.

There's someone over there, mirror check.

Yeah, no.

You know me,

I can watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer seven,

eight times in a row.

All right.

Every week.

And it never gets old.

But then our life isn't Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

I haven't seen a vampire.

I haven't seen Buffy.

I haven't seen anybody who remotely looks

like Kristy Swanson,

since we started this junk

and I guess I'm tired of it.

Maybe I'm a little bit lonely.

Maybe I have the needs of a man.

Hey, I have the needs a man too.

All right.

Hey look, we're just going through a rough patch, all right?

We're still technically a starter business.

We're not a business.

There's no business happening here, there's no money.

We're in the business of vampire hunting.

Okay, why did you get your stake at me man?

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean, I'll point it away.

No, I'm sorry.

I just, I don't know.

These are thoughts,

You try not to indulge them

but they just circling around the brain.

I don't know.

I just, I feel like I'm

at a point where we we've been doing this a while.

And it's been the same thing, day after day.

Well, yeah, because hunt vampires.

There's not a lot extra to it.

It's like, go sit in the park,

mirror check everyone.

Yeah, but hunting vampires without actual, the vampires,

it's more just walking around with wood in our hands,

which isn't fun.

This is pretty fun, I mean, like,

when we go around

people pay attention to us, all right.

This looks intimidating.

All right.

Don't you feel intimidating?

With your wood in my face?

No, thank you very much.

It's a stake.

With your stake in my face?

All right, look, I'm sorry.

We haven't hunted vampire, okay.

At some point in time, we're going to find a vampire.

It's just law of statistics.

Once you look at so many people,

one of them is gonna be a vampire.

I agree.

I do agree with...

You can't leave me, man.

We started this together.

If you're gone...

I'm not trying to leave you.

I'm not trying to leave you.

Cause it sounds like you,

well it sounds like you're trying to leave me.

I love you, I love you, man.

Well, you haven't even looked me

in the eye once in this conversation.

I've been looking you in the eye.

No, you're like looking off over there.

I'm right here.

Maybe it's your lazy eye.

It makes it difficult to track where to look.

Okay. Now you're just being mean.

I do not have a lazy eye.

Just being rude, mirror check.

Sorry, I've been in a weird space.

Look at that person.

Ever since we came to the park.

Okay.

What?

No, no there's no one.

There's no one like there's no reflection, there's no one

No, I was saying okay, we're good.

I was saying, okay, We're good.

Okay.

We're good, they are not a vampire.

Well, say that, man.

I mean, just someone's going to have

to breathe a little fresh air

into this relationship,

into this cooperation,

Friendship.

Friendship, whatever you want to call it.

Camaraderie.

Camaraderie, sure.

All right.

Okay, What about this?

I'm just starting to think this was a miss-stake.

See, that's why you can't leave.

If you left, I wouldn't have anyone

to make stupid jokes like that.

Stupid jokes, that's a way to put it, but.

Yeah. All right.

What about this? Okay.

Yeah.

What if we hunt more than just vampires?

Where we expand our repertoire?

I mean, we're talking about the seven kinds.

I don't know, maybe ghouls or, or Minotaurs or giraffes?

Sasquatch.

Sasquatch.

Sasquatch, I've heard bad things about him.

I knew a guy over in the Rocky Mountains who.

Who, what?

You didn't finish.

It's implied.

What I was meaning, hunted Sasquatch.

What did you imply?

Hunting Sasquatch.

Yeah, but what happened to the guy in the Rockies?

He was hunting Sasquatch.

Oh, you were just saying he was hunting, oh.

why didn't you say that?

It was in the whole story.

Cause it was implied, Stewart.

Well, I like things straight into the.

I know you do.

What if we differentiate what we're hunting a little bit.

I'm talking about incorporating some

of the other seven kinds.

We can you do that, like werewolves?

Yeah, giraffes, Minotaurs.

I think giraffes are endangered,

I don't think we can hunt them.

Owls.

Owls, definitely owls are endangered.

Yeah, they're dangerous.

I'll tell you that much.

No, endangered.

I'm gonna take them down.

It's whole eminent, imminent thing again.

You're my best bud. I'll do anything for you.

I'll do anything.

Great man.

Hunt vampires, werewolves, all that stuff.

That's great.

I'm not seeing a lot of people.

Oh, hold on, mirror check.

Dude, she has no reflection.

Who?

Look, she has no reflection.

Don't look, don't look, she has no reflection.

Look, look at me.

Look at me.

Okay.

Okay, no reflection.

Shiny around my eyes.

It's a vampire,

Okay, look, don't make eye contact.

Don't make eye contact.

Okay. Just play cool.

Do either one of you know the time?

Hello?

I was wondering, do you know what time it is?

Right there,

on the smartphone that you're putting in your pocket?

Excuse me?

Hello?

You're not going to answer me a simple question?

Just what time it is.

All right. Whatever.

Were you holding your breath all that time?

Yeah.

Yeah, me too.

I'm not a fool,

I know not to breathe when a vampire is there.

Shh, it's a vampire she has good hearing.

Okay, she probably could hear

that we weren't breathing the whole time.

Did she leave?

You have visual, do you have visual?

I have visual, I have visual.

Okay. Oh my gosh, she's hunting someone else.

She's hunting someone else,

Okay, stake.

Okay. Just stay calm, stay calm.

I'm calm man.

How can all these things happen when there's just

a joyous family playing over there.

And I just said that we would never see a vampire.

I know, of all the times for this to happen.

This is, this just feels very serendipitous

and problematic at the same time.

Okay, listen,

we gotta save that girl's life.

This is what we've trained our whole life to do.

We got our stakes.

Right, don't look her in the eyes,

I won't look in the eyes.

And we gonna stab her in the chest.

Stab on the chest.

Look me in the face, okay.

The face.

We gonna stab her staff in the chest.

Stab her in the chest.

- Stab her in the chest. - Stab her in the chest.

- Stab her in the chest. - Stab her in the chest.

Okay.

She's got a victim.

Casual, more casual.

Yeah, be casual, okay.

All right, we're gonna hunt her.

Hey, look at us, okay.

Shh, we're gonna go.

We're gonna go hunt her.

All right.

What we think is going on here.

She's gonna eat her.

Lure her back to the lair.

Yeah. All right.

Stay back, Okay.

Vampires, they have a kind of a decent sense of smell.

And we smell really strong of garlic.

Cause we ate garlic cloves.

Yeah. So you got to make sure.

Okay, quick quick.

We're gonna call on our training here,

bring back to hide and seek,

bring it back like we're back in the warehouse.

Yeah, except this time

there's no hiding, it's just seeking.

Okay. All right.

That's my stake in your back.

Yeah, I know.

Hey, come on.

Okay.

Are you nuts?

All right, let's go.

She's right there. Okay? We're gonna get her.

Vincent Price, Vincent price.

I'm sorry.

Are you okay?

There's not a lot of cover.

I'm fine, I'm fine, let's just get the vamp.

Hey, psst, get down, get down.

Hey, you're an idiot.

We're gonna follow.

We gotta do the test.

No. You're right.

We have to do all the tests.

All the tests.

Okay. We can't be wrong again

like we were those other times.

Okay. If she's real vamp, all the tests.

We're talking garlic.

Yeah, the stakes.

Stakes.

Yeah, a blood test.

Blood test.

No, you will not, test first.

Test first.

You idiot.

Garlic test.

You didn't smash it.

Do it again.

Okay. Alright.

Ready? You ring the bell.

I'll knock.

She's coming.

It didn't work, she just turned around

- Inclusive, inclusive. - Inconclusive, Inconclusive.

What did you say?

Did you say in coclusive?

Incoclusive.

Inconclusive.

Not conclusive.

Inconclusive.

Test two.

All right, test two.

Mirror test.

Test two.

Test two.

Yeah.

Okay.

I'll knock.

I'll ring it.

Go, go, go.

Hey, Everrett.

I don't think that was a good test.

She didn't even see the mirror.

We didn't hold up the mirror.

Not conclusive.

Not even close.

Stake test.

We're gonna leave these stakes at the door,

and she's scared, see it, she's gonna run away.

All right.

A lot of fear in her eyes.

All right.

So let's point it out the door.

Okay, make they're pointed.

Okay. I'll knock.

Go, go.

That didn't look like she was scared.

Not conclusive.

Yeah. She wasn't scared.

I think, but we also weren't holding them either.

So, yeah, inconclusive.

I bet if we were holding them,

but I'm not standing there without knowing she's a vampire.

I mean, we stalked her from the park.

That's kind of illegal.

So it leaves one option.

You're right.

It's the last final option.

It's a pretty final option.

Cause I only have so much blood.

Yeah.

Blood test

Blood test.

There's a lot of blood,

that's a lot of blood

Blood test.

You okay?

I'm good.

I'm going to set it down.

Okay.

What are you doing?

I'm lying dead.

No, no.

Carry me, I'm gonna fall,

I'm gonna pass out.

I'm gonna pass out.

Stewart, Stewart, she took them.

She took the bait.

She took it, all of it?

We got a vamp.

Can I get some of my blood back?

I don't think so.

I don't know if I could walk.

Oh wait.

Stay with me.

We got a vamp, we got vampire.

We got a vampire?

We got a vampire.

We got a vampire.

You beautiful, yes, we got a vampire. Okay.

All right.

I feel sick.

You don't look so good.

Yeah. Maybe cutting and getting all that blood.

You want a kiss?

No, no.

Vincent Price.

Vincent Price. Okay.

I just need a minute.

You got a juice box or something?

I think my electrolytes are low.

All right.

- I'm good now. - You're good?

I'm good, I got a juice box, I'm good.

You were a little woozy back there.

I was, I'm good now.

All right, we're going to kill this vampire though.

We've got this.

Take this

Stab stab stab stab stab stab.

These aren't enough.

We need more.

We need practice.

Yeah, we should practice.

We should warm up.

Yeah. Let's let's go.

- We were not prepared for that. - We were not prepared at all,

this time though.

We're so ready.

We're upping our training game.

Yeah, we stopped at Radio Shack.

And got these stakes.

Yeah, We got all our stakes.

Got all our Stakes.

All right.

Vampires thrive at night.

That's why flashlights.

Yeah, we gotta sharpen our stakes, man.

You gotta sharpen.

Sharpen them sharper.

It's pretty sharp.

It's freaking sharp man.

Flashlight, meet Mr. Stake.

Yeah. Hold on.

Dude, you got my blood circle.

There's no time for safety.

You got my blood circle.

Okay.

This is a genuine vampire man.

I know.

This isn't some gingivitis janitor man.

I know.

We finally got a real vampire.

Oh, we're gonna end her. We gonna end her so bad.

Oh, I am so ending her right now.

Okay.

That looks good.

Okay. You ready?

No, I got two more stakes.

I don't know what I'm doing.

I just duct-taped my hand to the flashlight.

Come on man.

Get it together.

Ouch man.

I got hairs on there.

I don't care if you are hurting.

Aw you're hurting me, man.

You take it off, or I'm gonna cut your hand off.

Okay. Okay.

We're good.

All right.

We only have two flashlights anyways.

Flashlight meet Mr. Duck tape.

You need batteries in at first.

You can't tape the flashlight yet.

Okay. You better have, my hands are shaking.

Oh my gosh,

My hands are shaking too.

I've never had this much adrenaline.

Oh, okay.

There's bright.

Okay. But we got a flashlight.

Ah man.

I'm sorry.

Okay.

Let's get that.

Put the batteries in it.

Batteries.

All right, You can't show up to a

vampire hunting without batteries.

You ruin this stuff.

Hey, listen, man.

We're both stressed.

Let's not take it out on each other,

we our only.

Okay, this plus side go first or negative side?

Negative, negative.

Is that the side with the thing sticking out?

No, negative's the flat side.

The flat side.

The flat side, you drop it.

Goes down?

Goes down in the hole.

- Which way am I holding it? - You hold it up.

Okay.

Come on man.

And they both go that way.

They both go that way.

Supposed to be the smart one.

I did not major in flashlight Engineering.

All right, we're putting the flashlights

on the stakes, cause it could get dark.

And we need to see light.

It could get dark at any time.

All right.

Usually the nighttime.

Yeah, vampire are strongest at night,

So we gotta be ready.

I need that duct tape stat, man.

All right, there you go.

All right.

So we got our big, long stake.

All right.

I can keep the vampire at bay with this.

At a distance.

Ah. I'll be able to see it at night.

You can give light to your buddy too.

Buddy system is important.

Yeah. I'll hold it for you.

I'll hold it.

Thank you, that's very helpful.

I appreciate that.

Sure.

Okay.

All right. Good. All right.

That should be long enough.

It's long enough to pierce through the heart.

Yeah. It's a little short, but we got it.

Okay. All right. Good.

Got our stakes.

If you're a vampire.

Aw.

Oh, blinded for second, stab stab stab.

Yeah, that's going to work.

I'm feeling a lot better now.

I feel a lot more prepared.

All right.

We're upping our training regimen.

Okay. We figure our usual stake stabbing techniques

weren't working.

Tell them what we're doing.

All right.

No. Yeah, we gotta go.

We gotta go for the big one.

The big one.

All right? We normally used to try and have a

benchmark of one stab per second.

All right.

And that was one solid stab.

We weren't really concerned with the rate of

the stabbing more.

Now I think let's just take as many stabs as we can get.

So we're gonna shoot for 250 stabs in one minute.

250 stabs in one minute.

Wait

Hold, hold, hold, hold it.

Hold it.

Hold it.

I said, hold on, hold it.

I got to find, what app is it?

It's the clock app.

That's right.

Okay. All right. I got my stopwatch.

Okay. All right.

I'll count for you.

All right.

You stab as many times. 250 per minute. Okay.

Use the blunt side.

Okay. Yeah.

You don't want to hurt your point.

Okay. Go.

How much longer?

50 seconds.

50 seconds?

50 seconds.

Come on, man. Don't let up.

Don't let up.

I'm not letting it up.

Don't let up.

This vampire's done.

Stick with it.

Stick with it.

Stick with it.

I'm sticking.

Come on.

I'm sticking.

Work harder.

I'm on it.

You can do it, yes, stab that vampire.

Push through the pain.

Give me 21 more seconds, give me 21 more seconds.

Hit the wall, hit the wall.

Hit your physical wall.

Come on.

Get in there, stab the wall.

I'm hitting it.

You kill that vampire.

10 seconds.

You got this,

get them, get them, get them, get them.

Get the vampire, get it.

Time.

You gave up at the last second, you died.

You died, the vampire got you.

All right. You gave up at the last second.

It's okay.

That's why both of us are here.

What did I get?

You got not 250.

What do you mean not 250,

was it way more than that?

You got like 50.

50?

I lost count for a...

You got real tired at 30 seconds.

All right. Endurance, man.

Okay. Now you're time me, you time me. Okay?

Okay.

All right.

Get this.

I'm gonna get the 250.

I'm gonna get the 250.

All right. Okay, we're good?

All right, on go.

One, two, three, go.

You're not stabbing, you hitting with it.

I'm stabbing.

You gotta stab.

I'm stabbing,

Stab, stab, stab, stab, stab.

Time's running out man,

you're only at six.

All right.

That's 25, 25, man.

All right, you breached the 40 stabs mark.

Small stabs man, be more, yeah full body.

It's a full body exercise, come on.

- There you go, that's surpassing. - How much more time?

- That's surpassing man. - How much more time?

I'm tired.

That's surpassing, keep going man.

Keep going man, keep going man.

I can do this.

You got it man.

I can do this.

Keep going, you got 30 seconds.

Switch hands. It burn so much.

Keep going dude, keep going.

Oh yeah, we passed a minute a while ago.

You're good.

What, how many stabs I get?

Oh, I totally lost track, man.

What?

But it was at least 25 man.

All right, that's well, with your 50 and my 25,

that'll have to do.

Yeah. That's a solid number.

You didn't get a lot.

Huh?

Never mind.

Got more than you.

You just lost count.

Just like you did words.

You let me go over.

You can't let me waste my energy like.

We gotta be on the same team, man.

If we're gonna go take down this,

we gotta have our teamwork back, man.

I don't even know if you remember the motto anymore.

Of course, I remember the motto.

You're the one that had issues remembering the motto.

Best friends who hunt vampires together

never leave each other.

That's right. Okay.

That's our motto.

No matter what happens, whatever happens, man

Whatever happens, I'm with you

I'm with you.

We don't have to eat garlic, right? Right now.

Time will tell.

Okay.

Time will tell.

We haven't left each other since so no.

Okay. Grab your stake and your secret stake.

Your secret stake.

Oh secret stake.

Get your secret stake.

Are we forgetting anything?

I don't think so man.

All right, killing vampires is really low tech, but

someone's gotta do it.

Practicality is the name of the game.

Yep.

Role play one more time.

Yeah, we should probably role play one more time.

Because when we get there,

we can go through every scenario.

Okay. So let's role play and be a vampire. All right?

All right.

So we're sneak up on the vampire.

I'm the vampire?

Yeah. You could be the vampire.

Okay.

Okay. You go and then I'll wait right here and he's gone.

I can't look.

This is what the hide and seek training was for,

this is why we do hide and seek training.

One, two, three.

Okay. Time, time.

Alright. I'm gonna go.

I'm gonna go hunt him.

He's somewhere in here.

Ah, ah, okay, I got the vampire,

I got you, I got you, I'm too scared, Vincent Price.

Vincent Price. Vincent Price.

Sorry, sorry, sorry, I was doing the vampire thing.

It was really scary.

Okay.

I was in this weird, I was like...

Yeah, I know, you were really convincing.

Oh.

Okay. You, you hide now.

I'll be a vampire.

All right.

I'll be a vampire.

Okay.

So if a vampire came out of there,

I would've got you in the chest.

Yeah, but well you gotta really scare them.

Like you... you were flopped under pressure.

Just don't do that.

At the vampire.

Okay. I'm gonna hide now.

Okay. We're going to do it for real this time.

Light on, stake up.

Ah, Vincent Price, Vincent Price.

I'm sorry, look look look, It's me.

It's me.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I got into it, too.

We can't freak out like this.

We can't do that.

We can't freak out.

Will you think the lights will be off, when we...

If they are off.

That's why we got the flashlights.

All right.

All right.

You just keep your light looking around,

and I'll watch your back and you watch mine.

Okay. We can't freak out like this.

We are going to die.

If we don't kill that vampire.

I know.

We're going to that house.

We're going to kill that vampire.

We're going to penetrate her chest cavity.

Yeah. Right in the heart.

Right in the heart.

All right.

And then we're going to clove garlic down her throat.

Yeah, we make her eat garlic.

Yeah. Garlic is the worst.

Right, she doesn't know

what we've been through all these years.

Yeah. All right. We're gonna do this.

Let's do it.

Alright. You ready for this man?

Yeah, yeah.

No matter what happens.

No, you had it right the first time.

Okay.

Yeah. Alright.

No matter what happens?

All right. We got each other's back.

I got one back.

I'm on your back. I'm on your back.

Best friends who hunt vampires never leave.

Never leave each other.

Nope. Always use the buddy system when hunting

a vampire.

That's right.

Okay.

Let's go. You go first.

Watch your back from far behind.

All right. Best friends who hunt vampires

don't leave each other.

All right, Ready?

It's unlock.

Go, go. We're coming in, we're coming in.

Where are you vampire,

you check upstairs, check upstairs.

Where are you?

Vampire? Where are you, vampire?

Where's? Shut the door.

Is she upstairs?

Inconclusive.

She's not down here, she's not down here.

We got a body.

Vampire.

She's moving, are you okay?

Should I stab her? Should I stab her?

Should we stab you?

Do we need to stab you? Should we stab you?

Wait, wait, wait, check on her fangs.

Check on her fangs.

Check her fangs, check her fangs.

I don't see fangs.

Check her pulse,

okay, it's really faint.

Guys, really, what are you doing here?

Vincent Price.

You should get out of my house,

what are doing?

Your game is up, your game is up vampire.

We know you're a vampire.

We cracked all the clues, we cracked the code.

You're really so silly, I'm not vampire.

Yeah you are, we did all the tests.

You're so a vampire, look at that accent.

No, I'm just from Romania, are you racist?

No, no, no.

We're not racist.

We didn't notice that accent.

We voted for Obama.

Listen, You guys need to get out of my house.

We know you're a vampire,

we did all the tests.

Okay. Look at your fangs.

How you explain your fangs on you face?

You got fangs on your face.

It's just the way my teeth look.

Okay.

Right. All right.

All right.

Sure. Sure.

You can explain that away.

What about that blood?

What about the blood, yeah?

I filled that up almost to the top.

That was my blood.

Guys guys,

I am a phlebotomist.

It's my job.

You left a biohazard on my porch.

I went to get rid by bringing it inside.

She's a phlebotomist.

She's a ,

Yes, that my job, I'm a phlebotomist.

Well, phlebotomist don't lie.

Not again.

What about this?

Oh yeah.

What is this?

She's passed out.

Please, she's just taking a nap.

Why? Is she resting from? Getting bit in that face?

Getting sucked dry by a vamp?

You're really ridiculous.

She just had a snack.

She's just resting.

That's all.

Are you sure?

Are you even telling the truth?

Yes, why would I lie?

Yeah, phlebotomist don't lie man, remember?

Why would she lie?

She wouldn't lie.

Why would anyone lie about being a vampire?

You need to get out of my house.

Look, we're really sorry.

Please, don't call the cops on us.

We followed you from the park and that's where

we thought you were a vampire.

We thought you hurt this girl.

You said you did a mirror check.

I did a mirror check.

I did.

You lied to me.

I didn't lie.

We're really sorry.

Don't call the cops.

Are you serious man?

Okay, okay, listen, I forgive you,

but I will not call the police.

You need to get out of the house.

You need to go

We'll leave.

I'm sorry, man.

Don't give me that, don't shine me in my eyes man.

Why don't you do a mirror check on yourself for a while?

You're more of a friend vampire.

You're just sucking all the energy

out of this friendship, man.

I'm sorry.

I don't know what happened.

We followed her from the park.

You saw everything.

We did all the tests.

I was going off everything we knew.

You duped me, dude. You bamboozled me, man.

I was just trusting you.

I'm sorry.

Whatever, man, all right I'm out.

Take the vampire stuff.

No. Hey, hey, hey,

best friends who hunt vampire together

don't leave each other.

Well, maybe we're not best friends.

You still got your stake.

No! I lost it in the bushes.

I lost that secret stake in the bushes.

Dude you know what?

She could have this secret stake.

All right.

This?

Yeah. And you could just stab me

in the back with it.

You think I want this, that I'm gonna take it?

Yeah.

I can't take it.

I don't want you to take it either.

I don't know why I threw it.

All right.

You could go then.

Just go.

Can I use your bathroom?

Yes, you can use my bathroom.

I gotta use the bathroom.

She's really a deep sleeper.

Yes, She's sleeping good.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

That friend is so difficult for you.

What has happen, you're not best friends anymore?

Well, we've been best friends since high school.

and we had a vampire club and we would hunt vampires.

And I guess that's over now.

I like your hat.

I like your beard.

I like this thing here too.

Oh yeah.

This is my mirror, I use it

to check people that don't have reflection.

What the heck's going on here, huh?

I've been gone for,

I couldn't find the bathroom by the way.

You know what?

I bet I could find the bathroom.

I bet I can find the bathroom.

I'm going to find a bathroom, cause I have to pee too, I am.

Yeah, look around corners.

Yeah. I will look around corners.

I bet I find them before you do.

You chump, You couldn't find anything.

You're the reason we're not friends anymore.

Hey, you wanna join a club?

Me with you?

Yes. I'd like to do that with you. It would be nice.

Alright.

Tell me about the club.

Probably going to hunt five or six of the other kinds.

Probably more mainly focus on ghouls,

giraffes, minotaurs, spiders.

- Uh-huh. - I don't know.

That's something you might be interested in?

- I like to spend time with you. - Okay.

I found the bathroom. And I used it, just like you used our friendship.

Okay, that's really nice. Hey, listen.

This stake here symbolizes our friendship, man.

Yeah.

You think I'm just going to take it.

Me not taking it as a symbol.

I don't want to be your friend anymore.

Could you help me,

Cause my back's killing you

from carrying you all day.

Just pull it right out my back,

Cause it's stuck right here.

I'll take it up

and I'll put it in mine.

Where you wanted to put in the first.

No, you put it in my back.

No you put it in my back.

It's in mine, no.

No, you shove it in my back.

Why don't you go pee?

What don't you go pee your pants you pee party pants boy.

Hey, I used to think that Toby was the dumbest in the group.

Toby still is the dumbest in the group.

That's true, but you're pretty close.

No, you go.

I'm done with you, man.

You're dead to me.

Look at you Stewart, once I may use the bathroom

and then I'm going to deal with this when I come back.

Hey, turn that camera on me, okay.

I'm the star there, Everrett is a piece of tool.

I don't really know going on,

but I am so glad to see you.

It's nice you came over.

I'm sorry.

I hope this doesn't affect you too much.

You all right?

You're okay?

No, that's all right, I just haven't

fought like that since he broke the DVD

to Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Ah. Oh well.

I think I broke your shower.

I'm sorry.

I'm done with you, man.

I'm done with you too.

All right.

And you know what?

I bet you you're so nice,

I'm going to fix your shower for you.

I'm going to fix your shower.

I got this.

I got this,

cause she's a tool.

No, no. I could fix it.

You're a tool enough to bet you don't even

need any tools to fix the shower,

because you you're tool box on your own.

Monster energy drink.

All right.

That was crazy.

Yeah It was crazy.

How are you feeling?

You okay?

I'm a little bit woozy.

Yeah?

Yeah.

You need to sit down for a minute.

Sure.

Really?

I can't have all these strangers

coming over and breaking my shower.

It wasn't part of the plan.

I'm sorry about that.

I'm really frustrated with him.

Okay. Something's wrong?

Water's going everywhere.

I couldn't fix it.

Oh.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I failed.

I failed it at this.

Yeah, you failed the friendship,

you failed the vampire hunter.

You never seen a real vampire, and I've never seen a real best friend either.

I'm trying, Everrett.

I tried.

Stewart, You're bad at trying.

You're bad at being a friend.

Well, you're bad at being bad at being a friend.

You say you fix stuff you fix it.

You didn't want to be part of this group anymore.

You were just talking about it.

So you know what?

You could just leave.

I'm going to stay here with this body.

Yes.

And her, we're going to make our own club.

Sure.

One of you need to go.

Somebody needs to get out.

You're causing too much damage my house, look.

Yeah. Someone needs to go.

So let me get this straight,

You don't want me?

No.

You don't want me?

I think you need to go, you broke my shower.

I don't need either of you, okay?

I don't need the flashlights with the stakes on.

I don't need no secret stake.

I don't need no secret club.

I don't need no weird darkly dressed lady.

Hey, she's not weird, she's nice.

You take that back.

What you said about what?

Neena.

Neena, you take back was said about Neena.

But you do need a shower.

Sorry.

Hey, can you not be rude?

We're trying to have a conversation.

The moment, seriously.

She's the new Toby on the group?

Acting exactly like Toby.

How dumb, hey. I'm mad at you, I gotta get out of here.

Yeah, fine you go.

You know what you go too.

I don't want any of you here.

Get out.

Let's go, whatever.

Go, go, please.

Hey. Hey, I'm talking to you.

Go, both get out.

She's fine.

Last chance.

We're going to have snacks

and I'm going to nap just like this one.

I'm not taking any memoirs from our friendship.

I'm not taking any single memory of our friendship.

Bye.

Bye, bye.

Bye, Everrett.

Bye, Stuart.

Turn the camera off.

Get out of here.

That jack hole in there,

He doesn't know how to have handled a vampire.

I don't think he could handle a ghoul,

let alone a vampire.

I'm glad it's just you and me.

I'm close to calling Toby, that idiot.

Hey Everrett, are you okay?

Shut up.

I'm fine.

I'm just thinking.

Okay.

I was thinking,

that jack hole

thinks that without me

there's a vampire group.

He thinks that without me, there's a friendship.

There's not, okay.

The way he's treated me.

And he keeps promising about the vampires,

but I've never seen them.

I guess.

I guess the truth is I just remember some

of the good times too,

along with the bad.

We used to stab the wall together

and a movie nights are vampire themed.

Vampire themed, Buffy, Twilight one through three.

We saw it all, and that sucker Toby.

We used to just shove him back and forth until he got dizzy

and then fell over.

Man, we hated Toby, didn't we?

We still hate Toby.

He was a real sack of garbage.

He still is.

He was a good friend, man.

What am I doing?

I can't throw away our friendship that easy,

with that weird lady in black.

Hold on.

Phlebotomist, of course.

What was it she said?

Everybody brings a black umbrella with them on a walk.

Wait, hold on.

What did she say?

Oh, the blood.

It was a biohazard, of course.

Why else would I bring it inside with me?

Phlebotomist never lie.

It's all coming together.

She is just taking a nap. That's all.

Oh.

My teeth, Oh, I was just born.

Phlebotomist never lie or do they?

He's in danger, I got to hit the road jack.

How could I forget?

Friends who hunt vampires together

never leave each other.

That's our freaking motto, man.

That's it Stewart.

I'm coming for you, man.

I'm coming.

Friends never leave.

No, you come too, man.

I'm not going alone, come on.

It takes a lot to swallow pride, but

sometimes it's worth it.

For a friend.

Who is it?

It's Everrett.

Everrett who?

Your best friend?

Fuck you, Everrett.

What did he say?

Yeah. That's bright.

What do you want?

Can I come in man?

It's not that bright.

It's like 8:30 what's goin...

Go man, it's so bright.

It's just not that bright, man.

I'm really hungover, it's bright.

You don't drink, man.

Yeah. I drink plenty.

Hold on, hold on.

Just let me, hey man.

What's going on with this guy?

Hey man, Whoa, dude.

What's up?

Hey man.

You look, you look pale.

Oh man.

I just found out I'm anemic.

I've known you for 12 years.

Yeah, no. it's sudden onset anemia, runs in my family.

It's it's hereditary.

Okay. Well I'm not really worried about that.

Hey man, I think you're in danger, man.

I'm not in danger man. Look.

Can we come in? Can I talk?

I'm flattered that you came over,

but dude, we're done.

It's been a whole six hours.

All right, we can't turn back the clocks.

I'm sorry that I freaked out earlier,

but I was just a little frustrated cause I wanna...

Can we just talk?

Right, come on.

It's not that bright, man. Why are you freaking out about that?

Neena's not home right now.

We don't have a lot of time.

She's still there.

Oh yeah. No, we're friends.

We're friends. Don't worry about it.

Just of come in, come on, get in here.

Let me, yeah.

Will you sit it down, just a second.

Yeah. No, she's fine, here come on.

Just sit here?

Yeah. Here we go.

All right.

Ah, everything's painful.

What's going on with you man?

I told you I'm anemic, man.

My blood is real thin.

I don't got enough iron.

That sucks then,

you talking about blood like that.

Anemia has to do with blood.

You sure you're okay?

Yeah. I'm fine.

Look, what did you want to say?

What'd you come over for?

I'm just gonna put these back on.

All right.

You just go.

Listen man, I just wanted to say that.

I think we all wanted to say.

What we want the vampire hunters to live on.

Yeah, no.

They're they're done for man.

Vampire hunting was dumb.

You were right.

All right, we were losers in high school,

we're losers now.

Man, man, man, man, man, I listen, dude.

I'm listening, I don't want to hear anymore.

That's not true.

That's is not true.

You wanna to know why?

Why? Why?

Because no club you're ever in is a loser club.

You understand what I'm saying.

You're winner, man.

No, I'm not.

No, you're not, but you're my friend.

You're my friend dude.

We've had three members in our club this whole time.

All right.

It's been 10 plus years of us

just like, ah let's hunt vampires.

Oh yeah.

Let's lift bricks.

Oh that's so hardcore.

It's not hardcore, man.

Those were all your ideas, man.

What happened to you?

I'm done.

I'm tired.

I have anemia, look at me.

I'm wasting away.

You are wasting away.

You must've lost 25 pounds, man.

I mean, it drops like that.

Yeah, well dude.

Alright man.

Maybe we're done being vampire hunters.

That doesn't mean we're done being friends.

I do admit, I have missed you.

It is nice to see you.

Hey, one of these, one of these for old time?

Alright. You got it right this time.

I'm sorry, dude, this anemia,

It's just in my head, it's in my head.

Everyday is just,

Oh, it's all combobulated.

For all time sake, man?

What's that?

You know what it is, man?

It's a little bit of garlic, for old times.

Well, dude we both hate that.

I know, but it's just for old time's sake.

We don't have to vampire hunters anymore, man?

I know we don't, but it's just

like a thing symbol of our friendship, dude.

This is like, together,

these two cloves are like you and me, man.

We used to be tight,

we used to be attached at the center point here, but now,

now we're broken apart, man.

So I'm just thinking, why don't we crush?

I just want to crush it together.

Crush this grudge once and for all.

But man, if we do that, mine broke.

Okay, just eat...

I'm gonna do this piece.

Just a little one, because this is really gross.

Yeah.

I'm only doing it cause I love you.

I love you man.

I'm not going to do it till I watch you do it.

Yeah.

Yeah, you go for it.

I'm doing it.

Yeah. You do it first.

No, no.

I'm not doing it.

I'm doing it the exact same time as you.

You're going to do it first.

No no no, we are going to do this

at the same time, man.

Dude, you always try

to get out of it the last second.

No, I would never dude. I would never.

At the same time, dude, here we go.

Okay. All right.

Same time then?

No, I need to watch you bite it.

Yeah, here we go.

Go ahead, bite it.

Oh, oh.

He's a vampire.

I know, I know I'm a vampire.

Okay, she turned me.

Neena bit me.

She turned me.

She sucked me dry,

and then she gave me something to her blood.

And now I'm a vampire.

Okay. And I've been snacking on this thing all day.

You've been snacking on this thing all day?

Yeah.

I didn't even know her name man,

she just came from the park and she's not dead yet.

She keeps on

She's like an energizer bunny.

She did this to you?

That's it man.

I'm swearing vengeance on you for her man.

No, don't swear vengeance on me.

Just for her.

Get her, I'm me.

You get her. Okay.

I will avenge that phlebotoma are so hard man.

Phlebotomist.

Thought she was a vampire now?

She's a vampire too.

She's a phlebotomist too.

Neena.

You again.

You, again.

Neena, I didn't tell him.

I didn't, stupid body.

I didn't tell him that you were, I'm a vampire now though.

He beat it out of me.

He beat my friend.

Hey, you stay away from my friend.

Fight him.

Oh this is weird, man.

I'm sorry.

What's going on here?

She has mind powers, she's a vampire okay.

I have no control over this, I'm sorry.

You're making me hurt my friend.

Brother, brother, I forgive you.

What?

I said I forgive you.

No, he's lying. Keep going.

I'm free from my spell.

You can't control me anymore.

Friendship has saved us.

The power of friendship?

Yeah.

You got nothing.

Nope, doesn't working anymore.

I'm still a vampire.

I'm going to get you now, I'm going to get you.

That really hurt.

She struck me.

Stay away from him.

You.

I guess I'm not over the friendship after all.

Seems I've been struck.

You used your secret stake.

I thought you left it.

Why did you do that?

I could never.

Shh, we're having a touching moment.

Trying to reconnect as friends.

Guys kill me, there's a stake inside me.

I could never leave it behind.

You know what, we should deal with this first?

I thought vampires die more instant.

Oh guys, since I'm finished now, I have one request.

Okay.

Sing a song for me?

Wait what?

Sing a song for me, I really like a song.

She wants a song.

I guess.

The monster mash, you know that song?

Sure.

Everyone knows a monster mash.

♪ I was working in the lab, late one night ♪

♪ When my eyes beheld an eerie sight ♪

Good

It's good?

Keep going.

Oh, okay.

♪ When my eyes beheld an eerie sight ♪

♪ My monster on the table, began to rise ♪

♪ And to wonder, my surprise ♪

♪ He did the mash ♪

♪ He did the monster mash ♪

♪ It was the graveyard smash ♪

♪ The monster mash ♪

♪ in a flash ♪

♪ He did the mash ♪

♪ We did the monster mash ♪

I think she...

Dude, I think she's dead now.

Did we just?

I think we just killed our first vampire.

Right in the face.

You know how happy this makes me, look at it.

Oh man,

She is dead.

She's gone.

I don't think we should worry about her

She's probably a vampire too.

Yeah, she probably is,

hey nice knowing you, not.

Hey, you really do suck, don't you?

Hey why don't you go bat away?

You can't cause you're dead again.

You're dead again.

Oh man.

You know what, man?

I still feel like a vampire.

Hey, dude.

We'll deal with that when it comes.

I'm gonna grab my sunglasses.

Yeah, get those nice sun,

you don't want to leave those here.

You know what?

I'm gonna take your umbrella, Neena, okay.

Oh, she can't hear you cause she's dead.

Ah, ah, ah.

Oh sorry, dude, should've warned you, man.

- Come on man. - Yeah, no problem.

Oh gosh.

Shut the door.

That's gross, man.

Oh, sorry about that man.

We're rolling.

Well, we're friends again.

Yeah. I killed a vampire.

Yeah. He killed a vampire.

It was so cool.

Yeah. Let's talk about that in a sec, all right.

The vampire club is officially reopened.

We're back together baby.

Yeah. And we're better than ever.

Not taking applicants idiot, Toby.

Yeah, Toby can suck it.

Toby's the worst.

I hate him.

Anyways. We redid the rules.

Yeah. We redid the rules.

We still have our top three rules,

but we've added more,

because we're learning more stuff everyday.

We're learning all the time, learning on the job.

Especially learned a lot from that new vampire.

Yeah, she taught us a lot.

Yeah. We learned, we learned a lot.

I'm still a vampire too, by the way,

that didn't go away.

There's a slight amendment.

Now vampires can be part of the club.

We'll bring them down from within.

Within, right.

Yeah. As long as we what though?

You said there was a condition.

Yeah. As long as we swear allegiance to the non vampires.

That that feels kind of weird to put a divide, which way?

Like human, vampire, non-vampire, like feels a little...

It's cool for me because now I'm president

of the club, because I'm the only non-vampire in the group.

Why you gotta say it like that?

I feel like you're being really derogatory towards my kind.

Okay.

All right.

Okay. Rule number one,

Always use the buddy system when hunting vampires.

Rule number two, never be alone with a vampire,

Unless, it's your best friend.

Yeah. And I mean, I have sworn allegiance to the group.

To the group.

And you, because you're my best friend,

not gonna bite your neck.

That's a cool move man.

Yeah. It looks really succulent right now.

Oh weird.

Yeah. You know what else?

I can hear your blood pulsing through your body right now.

All right, man.

It's just like, wow.

You are like a drinking fountain.

And I got a wooden stake in my hand too.

Yeah, you do.

You do.

You pull the stake out of Neena and you you did...

I killed one vampire, I'll kill again, you got me.

With luck, we'll both kill again.

Cause I kind of helped with Neena too.

That's right?

Yeah. Yeah.

Rule number three.

What's rule number three?

Your stomach growling right?

Are you hungry for blood right now?

I am hungry.

It's hard.

I wasn't kidding about that anemia thing.

I really think I caught it anemia.

Sure.

Oh, I remember rule number three.

Assume everyone's a vampire.

Especially your best friend and you know they are.

Yeah. I don't need the mirror test anymore.

I can smell vampires now. It's weird.

That's why he's not wearing it around his neck anymore.

Rule number four,

rule number four.

You tell everyone rule number four.

Rule number four,

Friendship first.

Yeah. Friendship first.

Yeah.

You want to tell them rule number five too?

Rule number five.

We're sometimes going to hunt ghouls too.

Yep, that that's a real too.

Yeah. He want to expand our repertoire of what we hunt.

Vampires can turn people into ghouls too.

I didn't know this.

Yeah. Yeah.

Neena was telling me a lot.

But rule number six,

let's not forget that.

Yeah, rule number six is

the most important, you should tell them.

Rule number six, you tell them.

Rule number six.

You got to tell them,

you got to tell them, tell them.

Rule number six, sly.

What?

lie.

Phlemotomist?

Phlebotomist lie.

Did you say Obama?

I'm saying phlebotomist.

We're saying the same thing.

Phlebotomist.

Phlebotomist.

Phlebotomist.

Phlebotomist.

Phlebotomist can lie.

Yeah. They can definitely lie.

Yeah. Neena proved that,

she actually was a phlebotomist.

She was a really good one.

She's great at her job.

We learned a lot of things along the way.

Like, friendship can break a vampire spell.

Yeah. I didn't know that until he forgave me.

I was like, Oh, friendship has entered my heart.

So, I think friendship breaks a lot of vampire spells.

Turns out. Love, gets through all.

Not that, like, I love you. But I love you, bro.

Love you, man.

Dude, when you stab Neena in the heart.

I totally thought you were dead.

I was like, Oh my gosh, he's dead.

I fooled you then, I fooled you then.

Cause I was in control the whole time.

Yeah. Yeah.

But see vampires are so strong and I'm so strong

that I was like, ah, my vampire strength,

I could get Neena

but since she turned me, she had control over me.

Yeah. She pushed you away no problem.

You fell like a pillow,

like you were a pillow in a pillow fight.

I tried really.

I was fighting for you, cause I'm like,

he's just a human.

I gotta save him, you're really weak.

Yeah. And you're a vampire.

So now I could, technically,

I'm allowing you in the group, so cool man.

Technically, I've always been part of the group.

Remember I was the president?

Oh yeah. Well, not anymore right?

You know, we could probably change that rule to

rule number seven.

You don't have to be a human to be president of the group

Yeah we'll work on that, okay.

We can put it to a vote.

I vote that you don't have to be a human to be president

in the group.

Okay. I vote,

you do have to be human to be president.

Should we revert to the tie breaker?

The camera operator?

No, I don't want to, no.

Well, he's kind of an idiot, but.

No, I don't like that guy.

Oh we should at least acknowledge him, right?

Yeah. Okay. Let's get the tie breaker.

Toby no.

Don't show yourself.

We don't want your face on it, Toby, gosh.

Freaking idiot.

This is why you're not a member of the group.

You're not the tie break anymore.

We're going to table rule seven, we're going to table it.

Whatever, stupid Toby.

Okay.

This is digital. Okay. It's permanent.

It's out there forever. All right.

No one wants your stupid face

in the internet cosmos, Toby.

It's why we deleted your social media.

I got another rule.

Rule seven, Toby, you suck, Toby.

Toby, you suck.

Yeah. Nice, man.

Yeah, that was good.

Oh wait. I got it wrong.

Reversal, That's fine.

I did it right the first.

I can't tell my left from right.

You were right earlier, mirror thing.

Totally throws me off.

I thought he was lying.

I did not understand that one.

I still don't understand

why you didn't clean Neena's blood off the dagger.

Cause like, blood from a vampire

is how you turn other people in vampires.

So if you got poked by that,

you turn into a vampire.

Maybe I am, already.

No, you're not.

Okay.

Garlic test, am I right?

Yeah, I luckily don't have to do the garlic test anymore,

but you do.

Yeah.

Can't take all the credit for the vampire kill.

Cause I technically helped you out,

cause that was my stake that you used.

Yeah, it was your friend, yeah.

That's my secret stake.

Friendship too. Yeah.

Yeah. So really if you think about it,

I was the one that killed Neena.

Oh yeah. In a roundabout way.

Yeah,

Yeah.

But really like more in a direct way. I killed Neena.

Yeah. I got you man.

You sure?

Nah.

Tell me I killed Neena.

Oh.

Tell me I killed a vampire.

Hey man. Do I look like a phlebotomist?

I said it right.

Oh my gosh, you said it right.

I'm not even mad at you anymore.

That's great.

But I still technically killed Neena.

Wow.

Indirectly.

Good enough to end the movie with.

Yeah. I still think you should tell people

I was a really big part.

Cause if I didn't kick you out and do that,

I wouldn't have discovered that Neena was a vampire.

And given you the strength to kill her.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Vincent Price.

Okay. Vincent Price.

We should really clean that.

I'll go.

Yeah. Let's go clean that. Yeah.

Toby. You stay here.

Toby don't you dare move.

Don't follow us.

All right, you keep it rolling.

We'll be back in a second.

I hate Toby.

It was so sad.

Yeah, he got fired. Later that year.

Or did he die?

Well he died after he got fired,

you shouldn't laugh about that.

No, no man.

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull

Alcoholism is bad.

That's how we knew that he wasn't a vampire.

Yeah, cause...

He died.

Yeah vampires don't have funerals.

I'm sorry.

We should stay away from him dying.

Spiders, number two, ghouls, Sasquatch,

Seventh kind.

Wait what was our first six?

Rule number one,

Always use the buddy system when hunting for vampires.

Yeah that's right.

I think it'll be funny if we say this at the same time.

Are we getting sound now?

What did you say?

It's so stupid.

it's been more than 10 years.

What's your name?

Stewart.

One more, test three, blood test.

Are you gonna cut yourself or me?

You will, you'll cut yourself.

All right, it is my turn.

Yeah.

It's not a movie. This is real life,

we protecting you from vampires.

A little vampire hunters in the making right there.

All right.