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1
00:00:03,260 --> 00:00:06,410
Uncle Al, do you know how many
days until my birthday? Eight.
2
00:00:06,430 --> 00:00:07,917
You didn't even let me answer.
3
00:00:07,930 --> 00:00:11,459
Do you know how many hours
until my birthday? 195.
4
00:00:11,470 --> 00:00:13,260
Why are you asking if
you answer so fast?
5
00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:16,459
I was born at 3:00 a.m., so that's
when I wake up and celebrate.
6
00:00:16,470 --> 00:00:18,503
- You know the hour you were born?
- Of course.
7
00:00:18,520 --> 00:00:21,417
I also know I was 19 inches
and had an enormous head.
8
00:00:21,430 --> 00:00:24,709
- Hmm.
- You looked like a watermelon with feet.
9
00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,293
It's genetic. Check out this cannonball.
10
00:00:27,310 --> 00:00:28,603
[CHUCKLES]
11
00:00:28,620 --> 00:00:30,167
Did you want a piñata this year?
12
00:00:30,180 --> 00:00:31,542
Yeah, I want a piñata.
13
00:00:31,560 --> 00:00:32,599
What's a piñata?
14
00:00:32,610 --> 00:00:34,303
Uh, it's like a papier-mâché thing
15
00:00:34,320 --> 00:00:36,042
you hang in a tree, hit with a bat.
16
00:00:36,060 --> 00:00:39,167
Yes, yes. And then you set it on fire.
17
00:00:39,180 --> 00:00:40,613
No, that's an effigy.
18
00:00:40,630 --> 00:00:42,519
- Huh.
- A piñata breaks open, and candy comes out.
19
00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:44,792
Ooh, after the candy comes
out, can we set it on fire?
20
00:00:44,810 --> 00:00:46,167
No.
21
00:00:46,180 --> 00:00:48,000
Mm, you don't have to decide now.
22
00:00:49,160 --> 00:00:51,200
I was thinking it'd be cool
if we had a magician.
23
00:00:51,220 --> 00:00:53,375
Sure. You got one in mind?
24
00:00:54,100 --> 00:00:55,410
Freddy does tricks.
25
00:00:57,060 --> 00:00:58,520
Your mother's boyfriend?
26
00:00:58,540 --> 00:01:01,283
Yes, he is a trickster
who stole her affection.
27
00:01:01,300 --> 00:01:02,375
[LAUGHS]
28
00:01:04,890 --> 00:01:07,167
- I meant magic tricks.
- RILEY: Hazel,
29
00:01:07,180 --> 00:01:08,559
are you sure you want him at your party?
30
00:01:08,560 --> 00:01:09,900
Mm.
31
00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:11,667
Never mind. It was a bad idea.
32
00:01:11,680 --> 00:01:14,375
No. Hey, it's not a bad idea, baby. Hey.
33
00:01:14,390 --> 00:01:15,781
I'll be your magician.
34
00:01:15,800 --> 00:01:16,920
- Really?
- RILEY: Mm.
35
00:01:16,940 --> 00:01:17,959
I'm doubtful.
36
00:01:19,060 --> 00:01:21,084
He can make a six-pack disappear.
37
00:01:21,100 --> 00:01:22,339
One time, he vanished from school,
38
00:01:22,340 --> 00:01:23,834
then reappeared in a police station.
39
00:01:25,690 --> 00:01:27,420
I'm looking forward to attending.
40
00:01:27,440 --> 00:01:29,125
I've never been to a birthday party.
41
00:01:29,140 --> 00:01:31,292
Oh, you were that kid.
42
00:01:31,310 --> 00:01:33,417
What do you mean, "that kid"?
43
00:01:33,430 --> 00:01:35,709
He was that kid.
44
00:01:35,720 --> 00:01:38,360
In Afghanistan, we didn't
celebrate birthdays.
45
00:01:38,380 --> 00:01:40,709
In fact, I don't even know
when my birthday is.
46
00:01:40,720 --> 00:01:42,875
- What?
- What?!
47
00:01:42,890 --> 00:01:46,250
My mother said I was born at
the beginning of the Civil War.
48
00:01:46,270 --> 00:01:49,292
Well, if that were true,
you'd be, like, 150 years old.
49
00:01:49,310 --> 00:01:50,709
Not our Civil War.
50
00:01:50,720 --> 00:01:51,860
Oh.
51
00:01:51,880 --> 00:01:53,860
Well, then, they should
call it something else.
52
00:01:54,960 --> 00:01:56,250
So, how old are you?
53
00:01:56,270 --> 00:01:57,660
I am 28.
54
00:01:57,680 --> 00:01:58,880
Or 29.
55
00:01:58,900 --> 00:02:00,750
Definitely under 30.
56
00:02:00,770 --> 00:02:03,584
No way. You don't know how old you are?
57
00:02:03,600 --> 00:02:06,042
Yeah. Most Afghans don't
know their exact age.
58
00:02:06,060 --> 00:02:08,400
How do you know when you can buy booze?
59
00:02:08,430 --> 00:02:09,834
Oh. Right, sorry.
60
00:02:09,850 --> 00:02:12,500
So, it's a whole nation of people
61
00:02:12,520 --> 00:02:14,167
who can't consult their horoscope?
62
00:02:15,350 --> 00:02:17,292
Yeah, that's definitely
their biggest problem.
63
00:02:18,540 --> 00:02:19,625
♪
64
00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:20,949
♪ Oh! ♪
65
00:02:20,950 --> 00:02:23,625
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
66
00:02:31,220 --> 00:02:33,120
Okay, we can figure this out.
67
00:02:33,140 --> 00:02:35,167
Can we call the hospital
you were born in?
68
00:02:35,180 --> 00:02:36,620
I was not born in a hospital.
69
00:02:36,640 --> 00:02:38,125
I was born in my grandmother's house.
70
00:02:38,140 --> 00:02:39,539
Home birth.
71
00:02:39,540 --> 00:02:42,292
- Very trendy.
- How about this?
72
00:02:42,310 --> 00:02:45,000
I am two years younger
than my brother Wahid.
73
00:02:45,020 --> 00:02:46,250
Oh. Well, how old is he?
74
00:02:46,270 --> 00:02:47,584
I don't know.
75
00:02:48,680 --> 00:02:50,750
You have to know your birthday.
76
00:02:50,770 --> 00:02:52,779
- Why?
- 'Cause it's important.
77
00:02:52,780 --> 00:02:55,040
- Why?
- Stop doing that "why" thing.
78
00:02:55,060 --> 00:02:57,917
You're too old to be
doing that "why" thing.
79
00:02:57,930 --> 00:03:00,375
Hazel jaan, I don't understand
what the big deal is.
80
00:03:00,390 --> 00:03:02,420
The big deal is birthdays are great.
81
00:03:02,440 --> 00:03:03,917
They make you feel great.
82
00:03:03,930 --> 00:03:05,542
Then every day's my birthday.
83
00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:07,420
You're impossible.
84
00:03:08,840 --> 00:03:09,920
How about this?
85
00:03:09,940 --> 00:03:11,220
You can share my birthday.
86
00:03:11,240 --> 00:03:12,593
We'll have a party together.
87
00:03:12,610 --> 00:03:14,380
Thank you.
88
00:03:14,400 --> 00:03:16,500
But I am too old to
have a birthday party.
89
00:03:16,520 --> 00:03:18,469
Well, how do you know when you
don't know how old you are?
90
00:03:18,470 --> 00:03:20,540
I don't know when I was born,
91
00:03:20,560 --> 00:03:22,542
but I know it wasn't yesterday.
92
00:03:25,660 --> 00:03:26,880
Hi.
93
00:03:26,900 --> 00:03:28,250
Hey, amigo.
94
00:03:30,560 --> 00:03:31,875
[IMITATES EXPLOSION]
95
00:03:33,100 --> 00:03:34,920
- Hi, Mom.
- Hi, baby.
96
00:03:34,940 --> 00:03:35,949
Sorry to bother you.
97
00:03:35,950 --> 00:03:37,625
- She forgot her math book.
- Ah.
98
00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:40,542
Oh, good. Now I can do my homework.
99
00:03:40,560 --> 00:03:43,069
I tagged along because I wanted
to meet the Afghan guy.
100
00:03:43,070 --> 00:03:45,292
Ah. Al, come meet Freddy.
101
00:03:45,310 --> 00:03:46,625
Freddy, Al.
102
00:03:47,630 --> 00:03:48,667
Hello, Fred.
103
00:03:48,680 --> 00:03:50,870
Please, Fred is my father.
104
00:03:50,890 --> 00:03:51,917
Call me Freddy.
105
00:03:51,930 --> 00:03:54,209
I prefer to keep it formal.
106
00:03:57,180 --> 00:03:58,949
Can I talk to you outside for a minute?
107
00:03:58,950 --> 00:04:00,380
- Sure.
- Okay.
108
00:04:01,680 --> 00:04:05,917
So, I understand you're
something of a trickster.
109
00:04:07,390 --> 00:04:09,303
What's up?
110
00:04:09,320 --> 00:04:11,859
I don't appreciate you trying
to jam your boyfriend
111
00:04:11,860 --> 00:04:13,139
into my daughter's birthday party.
112
00:04:13,140 --> 00:04:14,959
What are you talking about?
113
00:04:14,970 --> 00:04:16,334
The magic thing.
114
00:04:16,350 --> 00:04:18,542
That was Hazel's idea. She asked him.
115
00:04:18,550 --> 00:04:20,040
Yeah, right.
116
00:04:20,060 --> 00:04:21,401
She hates that guy.
117
00:04:21,420 --> 00:04:23,560
No, she doesn't.
118
00:04:23,580 --> 00:04:25,667
She only acts that way
when you're around.
119
00:04:25,680 --> 00:04:27,834
Excuse me, but I think
I know my own kid.
120
00:04:27,850 --> 00:04:31,042
Excuse me, but I don't think you
know your ass from your elbow.
121
00:04:32,270 --> 00:04:33,834
Is this your card?
122
00:04:33,850 --> 00:04:35,542
- No.
- It's mine.
123
00:04:36,640 --> 00:04:39,125
Now it's mine. Amazing!
124
00:04:39,940 --> 00:04:41,060
What's going on?
125
00:04:41,080 --> 00:04:43,901
Ah, Freddy is just showing
us his wonderful magic.
126
00:04:43,920 --> 00:04:45,920
- Mm.
- Ah. I know a trick I'd like him to do.
127
00:04:45,940 --> 00:04:47,140
Come on, Freddy. We got to go.
128
00:04:47,160 --> 00:04:48,834
That's the one.
129
00:04:48,850 --> 00:04:50,459
It was really great meeting you.
130
00:04:50,470 --> 00:04:52,320
It was great meeting you, too.
131
00:04:52,340 --> 00:04:55,040
Riley, did you know that Freddy
is an immigrant, also?
132
00:04:55,060 --> 00:04:57,000
Guilty. Canada.
133
00:04:58,140 --> 00:05:00,240
- Bye, sweetie.
- Bye, Mom.
134
00:05:02,680 --> 00:05:04,542
Hazel, could you give
Uncle Al and me a minute?
135
00:05:04,560 --> 00:05:06,000
Sure.
136
00:05:08,850 --> 00:05:11,292
Pick a side, dude.
137
00:05:12,180 --> 00:05:14,120
Riley, of course I'm on your side.
138
00:05:14,140 --> 00:05:16,880
I'm just getting to know the enemy.
139
00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:18,750
Mm. What is this?
140
00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:21,940
"Nice to meet you, Al.
141
00:05:21,960 --> 00:05:23,640
Your amigo, Freddy."
142
00:05:23,660 --> 00:05:27,709
Oh, my God. Hazel, check your pockets!
143
00:05:31,260 --> 00:05:32,340
Oh!
144
00:05:32,360 --> 00:05:34,409
How about a mermaid theme?
145
00:05:34,410 --> 00:05:36,459
Don't you think 11's
too old for mermaids?
146
00:05:36,470 --> 00:05:38,750
Well, my birthday's coming up.
147
00:05:40,100 --> 00:05:41,120
- Uncle Al?
- Hmm?
148
00:05:41,140 --> 00:05:43,653
It's your birthday, too.
What theme do you want?
149
00:05:43,670 --> 00:05:45,292
Uh... Ah.
150
00:05:45,300 --> 00:05:47,750
These are on sale. What about these?
151
00:05:47,770 --> 00:05:48,959
"It's a girl"?
152
00:05:48,970 --> 00:05:51,042
It's a plate.
153
00:05:51,840 --> 00:05:53,000
You don't understand.
154
00:05:53,020 --> 00:05:55,834
The theme has to tell the people
at your party what you're into.
155
00:05:55,850 --> 00:05:57,959
I'm frugal. That's what I'm into.
156
00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:00,720
Frugal? Really?
157
00:06:00,740 --> 00:06:02,680
It's better than mermaids.
158
00:06:02,700 --> 00:06:05,959
Well, you just got
uninvited to my party.
159
00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:09,410
- What is this?
- Oh.
160
00:06:09,430 --> 00:06:11,220
That's a noisemaker. You spin it.
161
00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:12,280
Hmm.
162
00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:18,680
Hmm. Imagine living in
a country so peaceful,
163
00:06:18,700 --> 00:06:20,740
you purchase a toy to make noise.
164
00:06:21,550 --> 00:06:23,042
You're what's called a party pooper.
165
00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:26,580
Sorry, Hazel! I can't hear you!
166
00:06:26,600 --> 00:06:27,917
I'm at a party!
167
00:06:27,930 --> 00:06:30,401
I'm at a party, too!
168
00:06:30,420 --> 00:06:32,375
- Well, I'm having more fun!
- HAZEL: No,
169
00:06:32,390 --> 00:06:35,209
- I'm having more fun!
- Okay, you two, put those down.
170
00:06:36,890 --> 00:06:38,542
Ah, ah! I mean it.
171
00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:41,250
Can we please go?
172
00:06:41,270 --> 00:06:43,084
Not yet. We have to
reserve a bounce house.
173
00:06:43,100 --> 00:06:44,501
What is that?
174
00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:46,540
You know what? Instead of explaining,
175
00:06:46,560 --> 00:06:48,510
I'm gonna ask you to wait in the car.
176
00:06:50,530 --> 00:06:52,200
Behold,
177
00:06:52,220 --> 00:06:55,030
a perfectly normal handkerchief.
178
00:06:55,050 --> 00:06:56,792
It seems very small.
179
00:06:56,810 --> 00:06:58,042
It isn't.
180
00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:02,521
I put it into my hand,
181
00:07:02,540 --> 00:07:04,920
and...
182
00:07:04,940 --> 00:07:06,300
Ta-da!
183
00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:08,125
It's gone.
184
00:07:08,140 --> 00:07:09,584
It's in that fake thumb, right?
185
00:07:10,720 --> 00:07:13,499
Yeah. The guy at the store
186
00:07:13,500 --> 00:07:17,125
was so convincing. I was like, "What?!"
187
00:07:17,140 --> 00:07:18,860
Don't worry, Riley jaan.
188
00:07:18,880 --> 00:07:21,100
You have skills Freddy
could only dream of.
189
00:07:21,120 --> 00:07:22,292
Yeah, like what?
190
00:07:22,310 --> 00:07:23,540
You are brave.
191
00:07:23,560 --> 00:07:24,879
- You are a leader of men.
- [REFRIGERATOR OPENS]
192
00:07:24,880 --> 00:07:26,599
- You look good with and without hair.
- [BOTTLE CLINKS]
193
00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:27,709
[REFRIGERATOR CLOSES]
194
00:07:27,720 --> 00:07:30,860
Vanessa said that Hazel
invited him to the party.
195
00:07:30,880 --> 00:07:32,209
I don't believe it.
196
00:07:34,890 --> 00:07:36,250
What?
197
00:07:36,270 --> 00:07:38,584
Mm. It is not my place.
198
00:07:38,600 --> 00:07:40,250
Just tell me.
199
00:07:40,270 --> 00:07:42,292
I think she wants him at the party.
200
00:07:42,310 --> 00:07:44,459
No, she doesn't. She told me.
201
00:07:44,470 --> 00:07:46,083
Riley jaan,
202
00:07:46,100 --> 00:07:49,000
sometimes we only hear
what we want to hear.
203
00:07:49,020 --> 00:07:50,167
Why would she lie to me?
204
00:07:50,180 --> 00:07:52,000
She doesn't want to hurt your feelings.
205
00:07:52,020 --> 00:07:54,180
But I've been so nice to the jerk.
206
00:07:54,200 --> 00:07:55,600
I gave him a fist bump.
207
00:07:55,620 --> 00:07:57,375
I didn't have to, but I did.
208
00:07:58,430 --> 00:08:01,280
And while that was
very charitable of you,
209
00:08:01,300 --> 00:08:02,875
I don't think you quite sold it.
210
00:08:02,890 --> 00:08:04,480
What am I supposed to do?
211
00:08:04,500 --> 00:08:05,931
I hate the guy.
212
00:08:05,950 --> 00:08:08,292
And now Hazel's a fan, and you're a fan.
213
00:08:08,310 --> 00:08:11,667
In my defense, his magic
is just enchanting.
214
00:08:13,400 --> 00:08:14,750
He's not coming to the party.
215
00:08:15,520 --> 00:08:16,560
All right.
216
00:08:16,580 --> 00:08:18,813
- You know best.
- I do.
217
00:08:18,830 --> 00:08:20,875
You don't.
218
00:08:20,890 --> 00:08:22,292
I'm sorry?
219
00:08:22,310 --> 00:08:24,830
You don't. I should not
have said it quietly.
220
00:08:24,850 --> 00:08:26,860
You need to get it through your head.
221
00:08:36,160 --> 00:08:39,292
Hazel, would you like
to play Twelve Goats?
222
00:08:39,310 --> 00:08:41,584
I'm gonna need a little
more information.
223
00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:43,042
It's what you call checkers.
224
00:08:43,060 --> 00:08:45,125
Oh. Then no.
225
00:08:46,600 --> 00:08:48,439
Hey, since you're here, let's
figure out what kind of cake
226
00:08:48,440 --> 00:08:49,639
you guys want for your birthday.
227
00:08:49,640 --> 00:08:51,760
Uh, you choose.
228
00:08:51,780 --> 00:08:53,749
I don't come from a pastry culture.
229
00:08:53,750 --> 00:08:55,542
Then how do you deal
with all your feelings?
230
00:08:56,890 --> 00:08:59,040
Well, it's your first birthday.
231
00:08:59,060 --> 00:09:00,340
You should have a cake you want.
232
00:09:00,350 --> 00:09:01,901
Hmm. Um...
233
00:09:01,920 --> 00:09:03,459
How about one with raisins?
234
00:09:03,460 --> 00:09:05,360
That's not a cake. That's a muffin.
235
00:09:06,530 --> 00:09:08,480
Oh, it's the most wonderful cake.
236
00:09:08,500 --> 00:09:10,120
Sometimes they add pine nuts
237
00:09:10,140 --> 00:09:11,792
and cardamom and rosewater.
238
00:09:11,810 --> 00:09:14,667
I'm not hearing the word "chocolate."
239
00:09:15,460 --> 00:09:17,250
I don't like chocolate. It is too sweet.
240
00:09:17,270 --> 00:09:19,084
Well, I don't like raisins.
They're too gross.
241
00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:20,380
I thought you wanted me to pick.
242
00:09:20,390 --> 00:09:21,969
I want you to pick
something I like, too.
243
00:09:21,970 --> 00:09:23,400
That sounds like you picking.
244
00:09:24,520 --> 00:09:26,042
Do you like vanilla?
245
00:09:26,060 --> 00:09:28,167
I like it more than this conversation.
246
00:09:29,170 --> 00:09:30,209
Fine.
247
00:09:30,220 --> 00:09:32,363
- Vanilla cake.
- Deal.
248
00:09:32,380 --> 00:09:34,420
But we add cardamom, pine nuts,
249
00:09:34,440 --> 00:09:36,625
rosewater and raisins.
250
00:09:36,640 --> 00:09:38,167
You thinking what I'm thinking?
251
00:09:38,180 --> 00:09:39,875
Yeah, we're gonna need two cakes.
252
00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:45,667
Hey, don't lift like that.
You'll hurt your back.
253
00:09:45,680 --> 00:09:48,417
Joke's on you. My back always hurts.
254
00:09:49,060 --> 00:09:50,540
Hey, can I ask you a question?
255
00:09:50,560 --> 00:09:52,167
Shoot.
256
00:09:52,180 --> 00:09:55,084
You think Hazel likes Freddy?
257
00:09:56,020 --> 00:09:57,860
Let me ask you a question.
258
00:09:57,880 --> 00:09:59,667
Do you think Freddy's going anywhere?
259
00:10:00,620 --> 00:10:02,750
- I don't know.
- 'Cause if he's not,
260
00:10:02,770 --> 00:10:05,334
you better hope she likes Freddy.
261
00:10:06,140 --> 00:10:08,410
Well, I don't like him.
262
00:10:10,300 --> 00:10:12,740
All right, well, I know you're
not gonna want to hear this,
263
00:10:12,760 --> 00:10:15,250
but maybe you should try.
264
00:10:15,270 --> 00:10:17,125
[SCOFFS] Yeah, give me one reason.
265
00:10:17,140 --> 00:10:19,820
'Cause it'll make everyone's
life a lot easier,
266
00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:20,870
including yours.
267
00:10:22,020 --> 00:10:25,040
Raising a kid can be like a war.
268
00:10:25,060 --> 00:10:27,421
You need all the allies you can get.
269
00:10:28,280 --> 00:10:30,410
When the U.S. was ready
to get into World War II,
270
00:10:30,430 --> 00:10:33,959
Great Britain didn't say "We got this."
271
00:10:33,970 --> 00:10:36,513
United States wasn't sleeping
with Great Britain's wife.
272
00:10:36,530 --> 00:10:39,360
Well, maybe if Great
Britain had a hot sister...
273
00:10:40,320 --> 00:10:41,750
I'm losing the thread here, but...
274
00:10:43,640 --> 00:10:46,913
... the point is, none of
this is Freddy's fault,
275
00:10:46,930 --> 00:10:49,334
and it's definitely not Hazel's fault.
276
00:10:50,120 --> 00:10:51,910
Well, it totally blows.
277
00:10:51,930 --> 00:10:53,417
Listen to you.
278
00:10:53,430 --> 00:10:55,280
Sound just like Winston Churchill.
279
00:11:01,980 --> 00:11:03,700
How many of these do we need?
280
00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:06,500
[IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]:
The tank says it can do 200.
281
00:11:06,520 --> 00:11:08,542
Don't do that. It's not good for you.
282
00:11:08,560 --> 00:11:10,600
Okay, Mom. Geez.
283
00:11:11,720 --> 00:11:14,099
200 balloons? This birthday
will be like the last scene
284
00:11:14,100 --> 00:11:15,330
in a Bollywood movie.
285
00:11:15,350 --> 00:11:17,042
Uh, it's pronounced "Hollywood."
286
00:11:17,060 --> 00:11:19,720
I know about a billion people
who would disagree with you.
287
00:11:20,470 --> 00:11:22,960
So, have you decided who
to invite to our party?
288
00:11:22,980 --> 00:11:26,521
Hazel, I am a 28 or 29-year-old man.
289
00:11:26,540 --> 00:11:28,190
I would be embarrassed to invite people
290
00:11:28,200 --> 00:11:29,875
to a party in honor of myself.
291
00:11:30,640 --> 00:11:31,910
He doesn't have any friends.
292
00:11:32,890 --> 00:11:34,667
Hazel jaan,
293
00:11:34,680 --> 00:11:37,542
I am touched that you want to
do something special for me.
294
00:11:37,560 --> 00:11:40,520
And I am looking forward to
taking part in your big day.
295
00:11:40,540 --> 00:11:42,042
Why can't that be enough?
296
00:11:42,060 --> 00:11:43,500
You know what?
297
00:11:43,510 --> 00:11:46,375
I have some extra friends.
You could borrow a few.
298
00:11:47,930 --> 00:11:50,200
[HIGH-PITCHED]:
You want to talk about it?
299
00:11:58,520 --> 00:12:02,020
Hey, uh, could we go talk somewhere?
300
00:12:02,040 --> 00:12:03,209
I'm working.
301
00:12:03,220 --> 00:12:05,960
If you need to say something,
say it in front of Donna.
302
00:12:05,980 --> 00:12:08,160
I'm gonna hear about it
when you leave anyway.
303
00:12:09,470 --> 00:12:10,719
[SIGHS]
304
00:12:10,720 --> 00:12:11,960
Fine.
305
00:12:11,980 --> 00:12:15,167
It's okay with me if Freddy
comes to the party.
306
00:12:15,180 --> 00:12:16,834
I'm sorry. What?
307
00:12:16,850 --> 00:12:18,820
He said Freddy can come to the party.
308
00:12:19,900 --> 00:12:21,120
Are you sure?
309
00:12:21,140 --> 00:12:23,700
Yeah. I mean, he's not going anywhere.
310
00:12:23,720 --> 00:12:24,830
Right?
311
00:12:24,850 --> 00:12:27,209
He's not.
312
00:12:27,220 --> 00:12:29,420
So what I'm hearing is,
nobody knows the future.
313
00:12:30,470 --> 00:12:32,500
Thanks for stopping by.
314
00:12:32,520 --> 00:12:33,981
Sure.
315
00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:35,500
Hey, wait. One more thing.
316
00:12:35,520 --> 00:12:37,500
I would like him to not call me "amigo."
317
00:12:37,520 --> 00:12:39,291
I will tell him.
318
00:12:39,310 --> 00:12:41,699
Yeah. And no military
jargon, no fist bumping,
319
00:12:41,700 --> 00:12:43,250
definitely no exploding it.
320
00:12:43,270 --> 00:12:45,667
Okay, what else?
321
00:12:45,680 --> 00:12:48,917
He can ease up on that whole
happy-go-lucky guy routine.
322
00:12:48,930 --> 00:12:51,080
That's who he is, Riley.
323
00:12:51,100 --> 00:12:53,450
He is a happy-go-lucky guy.
324
00:12:53,470 --> 00:12:55,020
Really?
325
00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:57,834
Okay, well, tell him to... dial it down.
326
00:12:58,880 --> 00:13:00,400
Goodbye, Riley.
327
00:13:02,640 --> 00:13:04,140
Divorce is tough.
328
00:13:04,160 --> 00:13:05,600
[SCOFFS] Yeah.
329
00:13:05,620 --> 00:13:07,060
But so worth it.
330
00:13:10,830 --> 00:13:12,667
Wow.
331
00:13:12,680 --> 00:13:13,959
What do you think?
332
00:13:13,970 --> 00:13:15,543
Not all the letters are colored in,
333
00:13:15,560 --> 00:13:17,000
but it looks very nice.
334
00:13:17,020 --> 00:13:19,280
No, it's an "A" and an "L".
335
00:13:19,300 --> 00:13:21,584
Two signs for the price of one.
336
00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:24,420
Well, that's frugal. I like that.
337
00:13:24,440 --> 00:13:26,170
[DOORBELL RINGS]
338
00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:30,640
BOTH: Happy birthday!
339
00:13:30,660 --> 00:13:32,213
Mrs. Foster, Shawn!
340
00:13:32,230 --> 00:13:34,000
Welcome to the party. Come on in.
341
00:13:34,020 --> 00:13:37,520
Oh, uh, hey, don't tag
me in any pictures.
342
00:13:37,540 --> 00:13:39,460
My boss thinks I'm at the orthodontist.
343
00:13:40,470 --> 00:13:42,831
I got you a present.
344
00:13:42,850 --> 00:13:44,959
It's socks.
345
00:13:44,970 --> 00:13:46,917
Thank you, Mrs. Foster.
346
00:13:46,930 --> 00:13:50,361
Okay, where's the punch for
people who aren't driving?
347
00:13:50,380 --> 00:13:52,590
- Kitchen.
- Come on, Skippy.
348
00:13:55,320 --> 00:13:56,540
Did you invite them?
349
00:13:56,560 --> 00:13:59,820
If you're happy, I invited
them to your party.
350
00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:02,417
If you're mad, I invited
them to my party.
351
00:14:02,430 --> 00:14:04,373
Very clever.
352
00:14:04,390 --> 00:14:06,334
Have you ever thought
about becoming a lawyer?
353
00:14:06,350 --> 00:14:08,730
- No.
- Think about it.
354
00:14:12,180 --> 00:14:14,030
ALL: Wow!
355
00:14:14,050 --> 00:14:16,090
[APPLAUSE]
356
00:14:16,770 --> 00:14:19,834
For my next trick,
I will need a volunteer.
357
00:14:19,850 --> 00:14:21,625
Ooh, ooh, ooh!
358
00:14:21,640 --> 00:14:24,250
I see a young man from Afghanistan!
359
00:14:24,270 --> 00:14:26,223
That's me!
360
00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:28,469
- What's your name, fella?
- Awalmir,
361
00:14:28,470 --> 00:14:29,920
but my friends call me "Al."
362
00:14:29,940 --> 00:14:31,919
All right, Al, I'm gonna
draw you something,
363
00:14:31,920 --> 00:14:33,580
and you have to guess what it is.
364
00:14:33,600 --> 00:14:34,750
Does that sound like fun?
365
00:14:34,770 --> 00:14:37,250
- It could be fun.
- Great.
366
00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:41,560
Okay, what does this look like?
367
00:14:41,580 --> 00:14:43,709
- A circle.
- Excellent!
368
00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:45,125
But what kind of circle?
369
00:14:45,140 --> 00:14:47,667
One drawn on a large piece of paper.
370
00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:49,600
Let me give you a little hint.
371
00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:53,250
Now do you know?
372
00:14:53,270 --> 00:14:55,625
A circle with three smaller circles.
373
00:14:55,640 --> 00:14:57,417
Hazel, why don't you
tell him what it is?
374
00:14:57,430 --> 00:14:59,084
It's a bowling ball!
375
00:14:59,100 --> 00:15:00,792
I think she's right!
376
00:15:00,810 --> 00:15:02,959
[GASPING]
377
00:15:04,640 --> 00:15:06,260
How the hell did that just happen?
378
00:15:09,460 --> 00:15:11,570
You are a national treasure.
379
00:15:11,590 --> 00:15:12,699
[LAUGHS]
380
00:15:12,700 --> 00:15:16,084
The bowling ball is yours to keep.
Happy birthday, amigo.
381
00:15:16,100 --> 00:15:17,334
- Let me see it.
- Hmm?
382
00:15:18,160 --> 00:15:19,330
FREDDY: For my next trick,
383
00:15:19,350 --> 00:15:21,750
I will need a beautiful princess.
384
00:15:21,770 --> 00:15:22,875
There's one.
385
00:15:22,890 --> 00:15:25,840
- Freddy, we talked about this.
- For my next trick,
386
00:15:25,860 --> 00:15:28,375
I will need a badass birthday girl.
387
00:15:28,390 --> 00:15:29,792
[LAUGHS]
388
00:15:30,630 --> 00:15:31,700
You doing okay?
389
00:15:31,720 --> 00:15:33,820
It's taking every ounce
of self-control I have
390
00:15:33,840 --> 00:15:36,000
not to stuff him in that hat.
391
00:15:37,890 --> 00:15:40,400
- GUESTS: Wow.
- [APPLAUSE]
392
00:15:41,140 --> 00:15:42,330
Everybody gather 'round.
393
00:15:42,350 --> 00:15:43,399
I would like to read a poem
394
00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:45,334
- I wrote for my Uncle Al.
- Oh. Wait.
395
00:15:45,350 --> 00:15:47,320
Oh.
396
00:15:47,340 --> 00:15:48,410
Okay.
397
00:15:48,430 --> 00:15:51,500
"A man without a birthday
is like a man with no name.
398
00:15:51,520 --> 00:15:53,420
"No friends to come over and play,
399
00:15:53,440 --> 00:15:55,959
"every day of the year just the same.
400
00:15:55,970 --> 00:15:59,040
"Never a party, a toy, not even a cake.
401
00:15:59,060 --> 00:16:02,199
Just a very sad boy who might be 28."
402
00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:03,210
[LAUGHTER]
403
00:16:03,220 --> 00:16:04,667
"But you no longer have to mourn
404
00:16:04,680 --> 00:16:06,520
"Because today you have come to be.
405
00:16:06,540 --> 00:16:08,240
"It's your birthday, you've been born!
406
00:16:08,260 --> 00:16:10,334
And your name is Awalmir Karimi."
407
00:16:10,350 --> 00:16:12,792
- [APPLAUSE]
- Thank you, Hazel.
408
00:16:12,810 --> 00:16:14,520
Happy birthday, Uncle Al.
409
00:16:14,540 --> 00:16:18,920
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
410
00:16:18,940 --> 00:16:23,440
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
411
00:16:23,460 --> 00:16:29,584
♪ Happy birthday, dear Hazel and Al ♪
412
00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:35,124
♪ Happy birthday to you. ♪
413
00:16:35,125 --> 00:16:36,834
Thank you for doing this.
414
00:16:36,850 --> 00:16:38,834
You're welcome. Make a wish.
415
00:16:38,850 --> 00:16:41,625
- No, I don't have to. It is already...
- No, no, no, no, no.
416
00:16:41,640 --> 00:16:44,667
Don't say it's already come true
because you didn't want a party.
417
00:16:46,500 --> 00:16:48,000
Okay.
418
00:16:51,870 --> 00:16:53,241
Hurry up! The candles are melting!
419
00:16:53,260 --> 00:16:54,959
I'm thinking! I'm thinking!
420
00:16:56,220 --> 00:16:57,700
Okay, got it.
421
00:16:57,720 --> 00:17:00,000
One, two, three.
422
00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:03,500
[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING]
423
00:17:03,520 --> 00:17:05,125
[WHOOPING]
424
00:17:05,140 --> 00:17:07,560
Did you have that when you got here?
425
00:17:08,810 --> 00:17:11,940
Hazel, my mother says
when you cut a cake,
426
00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:14,880
you should feed the first bite
to the person you love most.
427
00:17:16,390 --> 00:17:19,292
Oh, it's full of raisins.
428
00:17:19,310 --> 00:17:20,580
Thanks to you.
429
00:17:21,850 --> 00:17:24,160
- Come on, let's eat.
- Who wants cake?
430
00:17:24,180 --> 00:17:25,399
- I would.
- I do.
431
00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:26,410
[OVERLAPPING CHATTER]
432
00:17:32,040 --> 00:17:34,360
[BOTH WHOOPING]
433
00:17:34,380 --> 00:17:36,193
- [LAUGHING]
- This is so much fun!
434
00:17:36,210 --> 00:17:38,660
I know. [WHOOPS, LAUGHS]
435
00:17:38,680 --> 00:17:39,790
- Hazel?
- Yeah.
436
00:17:39,810 --> 00:17:41,960
Shawn told me there are
bounce houses with slides.
437
00:17:41,980 --> 00:17:43,750
Can we get one of those next year?
438
00:17:43,770 --> 00:17:46,060
I'll be 12. That's a little
old for a bounce house.
439
00:17:46,080 --> 00:17:48,280
Oh, come on. I'll be 29 or 30.
440
00:17:48,300 --> 00:17:49,834
One of those is a milestone.
441
00:17:49,850 --> 00:17:51,917
I'll think about it.
442
00:17:51,930 --> 00:17:52,980
Hey.
443
00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:54,709
Oh.
444
00:17:54,710 --> 00:17:55,739
You should have told me to bounce
445
00:17:55,740 --> 00:17:57,173
before the pizza and birthday cake.
446
00:17:57,190 --> 00:17:59,125
[GROANING]
447
00:18:02,380 --> 00:18:04,449
[AL THUDS OUT, HAZEL LAUGHS]
448
00:18:04,450 --> 00:18:09,450
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
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