Original subtitles

Come on in.

-Shall I take my shoes off? -No need for that.

-I made a pot of tea. -And I brought a present.

-No. -Yes.

Is it what I think it is?

That depends... If you think it's a Casu Marzu.

You're kidding. Where did you get it from?

-Hi! I'm home again. -Hi.

-What's causing the stink? I'm Chris. -Hi. I'm Henrik.

It's a Casu Marzu, the strongest cheese in the world.

I thought we'd agreed that this was a cheese-free zone.

But it's a Casu Marzu.

How nice that you found a flatmate.

I never told you. This is Chris.

My new boyfriend.

He's from Norway.

I'm not keen on cheese, but I'm very keen on Solvej.

I'll keep it far from you.

Listen, lads. You've become a bunch of lazy old arseholes, okay?

So I've signed us up for Skive LAN.

Wasn't it Randers?

What's it got to do with this car?

We'd trained for six weeks, but I didn't think we were ready.

We didn't function as a team yet.

So I thought we should join a lesser tournament, the Skive LAN.

It would prepare us and give us the experience we needed,

for Crazy LAN Randers.

How are we going to get all our gear there?

-You have a car. -No, that's not on.

Carina needs it to go and buy a second-hand nappy bucket.

"Recycling is good, Gustav." She says that a lot.

Yeah, she'll probably move back to her ex soon.

Ugly one, Toke.

Toke, doesn't your dad have a Tesla we could use?

You're joking.

Hey! We're going to Skive LAN.

I don't care if we have to steal a car or whatever.

-Why are you looking at me? -I'm not.

-You are looking at me. -I'm just looking around.

You looked at him when you mentioned stealing...

I wasn't looking at you.

If you want to nick a banger, do it yourself, okay?

If you wish to arrogate an automobile, Mr. Paludan,

then you fucking do it yourself.

Okay, I get it. Where's Henrik?

-Hello? -Hi, Henrik.

I signed us up for a tournament in Skive.

We need to get some experience,

and I need my main orp to get us a car. That's you.

My heart has been broken into a million pieces, Sebastian.

Don't be cheeky.

Either you don't know what it takes to become a professional,

or you just want to live in mediocrity.

Sebastian, I can't talk about this right now.

-Have fun in Skive. -Hen... Henrik?

Henrik? Hen...

Fuck!

But he's cute. I don't understand why you say he's yucky. He's so cute.

So did you steal the car?

Well, I borrowed it.

Kind of without permission.

So you did steal the car.

Yeah. No.

Where's the retarded brat?

-He went ahead. -Yeah, his dad fucking drove him.

What? Has Troels... Why?

He would only let him go with a responsible adult.

Why didn't you tell him I was going?

We did, but it didn't help.

He said some rather nasty things about you.

He's not keen on you, neither your looks nor your personality.

It's the whole package, man.

Come on. Get a move on!

It's my show. I organised it.

I'm only asking you to have a positive attitude.

And to say, "I'm doing this."

You have to adapt.

No matter what I have to do, I adapt.

I bring a positive attitude, and if someone wants me to stop...

Henrik!

...or whatever you want from me. You know what? I'd do it again.

I can see you, Henrik. Open the door.

Come on. We're going.

Why do you look like shit?

Have a nice trip.

What? Hey, hey! Don't...

You closed the door in my face. What kind of an attitude is that?

We're going to Skive.

Are you getting your shoes on?

Henrik?

Fucking hell, Henrik.

Are you depressed?

Piss off, Sebastian.

Listen. The team needs you.

I need you, Henrik.

Won't you come? We can talk about it in the car.

Forget it. None of it matters.

Okay. I'll buy you McDonald's for 250 kroner if you come along.

No.

Henrik! You can speak for yourself. Speak!

No.

Won't you come? Please. I need my main orp.

No.

I'll have to carry you then.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

-You're coming with me. -No, no, no.

Don't make yourself heavy.

-Close the door, Henrik. -I won't.

I'm so fucking excited.

Listen, lads. Take the gear and I'll go and get us registered.

Super! Cool!

Sebastian? Hello, I'm Toke's dad, Troels.

-We've met before. -Yes, we have.

I'm not a fan.

I don't like your influence on my son or your primitive jargon.

But our family coach has asked me to engage with Toke's life and passion.

And that's where you come into the picture.

You know.

That's why we've come today.

-That's why we are here. So... -See you inside in a bit.

Toke, open the boot and get your stuff. We're going in, dear.

-Team Troll Room? -Yeah, we're Team Troll Room?

-I thought we were the Rat Busters. -No, we're Troll Room.

You don't look like you're in after-school care.

But the Troll Room isn't an after-school club.

It's a council scheme for vulnerable young people.

Just give us our table. We've paid. Come on.

-Dad? -What's up?

Can you help me out?

What's up?

They registered and paid, but they're ancient.

I'm 33 years old.

You look like you're 42.

Do I? I've been told I look like a kid.

This is too much. It's a competition for under 16s.

Exactly. Toke.

He's under 16, that's why we're in.

And we want our table now.

It's not going to happen.

-Niels? Niller? -Toels, darn it.

-You look great. -Herbs and yoga in the morning works.

Just remember to breathe.

Breathing, yeah. I always forget.

-Don't forget it. -No.

Take your shitty yoga event somewhere else. We want to play here.

Niels, old boy.

Toke and I are helping this group of vulnerable young men.

Just look at them, how humiliated they are.

They've hit rock bottom.

They're mediocre, stupid, ridiculed.

Especially this guy.

He'll start wetting his bed again if you don't let him play.

Every night he wakes up in his own pee, sucking his thumb.

He still listens to children's songs though he's 26 or whatever it is.

Okay. Troels, I'll do it for you.

You're the best person I know.

Listen, boys. Team Troll Room can enter as a disabled team. Okay?

But you'll have to wear these.

Here you go.

Rotate along.

Sick, man.

That's it.

Hey, they're off.

So sick, Kasim.

-Crazy. -Crazy.

Great. Way to go.

Great.

Yeah, man!

Yeah!

Yes, man!

We have to be on top of our coms, alright?

-Ready for a one-on-one, Toke? -Totally ready.

Okay, Toke.

Take him down, Toke.

-That's it, Toke! Great. -Well done!

-When I say "To", you say "ke." -Toke, Toke!

-When I say "To", you say "ke." -Toke, Toke!

Suck my dick!

Smash them.

Yes, Henrik! Yes, Henrik!

It's the best daze I've seen you do.

-Even if they're eight years old... -They can rim my arse.

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls.

We now know who'll be in the final in a moment.

We know who'll be competing for a team trip to Lalandia indoor resort.

And the teams are Hjørring After-School versus Team Troll Room.

-What do we know about them? -Their leader is called Lizzie.

That's her daughter.

-Do you think we can beat them? -Of course we can.

And now, the moment we've been waiting for...

Just do like this.

Let's get our finalists on stage.

Here's Team Troll Room.

Yes.

Great, lads.

Yes, and Hjørring After-School.

I'd like the captains to greet each other.

Disabled, my arse!

Let's get the game on, Skive!

This is it. The final. The final countdown.

The grand finale, right?

I don't know about you, but I feel we've got this one.

We really have to stick to our deal today.

We have to stress them. It's our best bet.

-Isn't it better to rush them? -As I said, it's best to stress them.

Our best bet.

-So it's best to stress them? -It's best to stress them.

Any other dumb questions like Gustav's?

Yeah. Where's Henrik?

He left.

-What do you mean? -What I'm saying.

Something about his heart. It sounded serious. Like pain or something.

Fucking hell!

-Sebastian. Wait. -Leave me alone, Troels.

Don't be too hard on him, Sebastian.

Aren't you going home to watch Dragon's Den

and wank over Jesper Buch?

I know this stuff.

I make my living making people cooperate.

There's no difference between the Inland Revenue and a barista school.

If one team member is suffering mentally, nobody gains.

And he's totally lost now.

So, listen to him, Sebastian.

Be there for him. Make him see the positives.

But don't tell him off.

I'll be here if you need me.

Hey, buddy. What are you doing out here?

I'm going home, Sebastian.

That bus won't leave for another four years.

Then I'll wait for four years.

Right.

Can I wait with you, then?

What's wrong?

Solvej has a boyfriend.

I'm sorry.

He's called Chris, he's Norwegian, and he's really nice.

It's so great.

It seems all Norwegians are really cute.

Troels, can you come over here?

Didn't Toke's mum date a Norwegian when the two of you met?

Is that correct?

Yes, she did.

Er... Knut.

That was his Norwegian name, that Norwegian fella.

Exactly. And he was very handsome.

A handsome Norwegian, really. Broad shoulders and blond hair.

Long, blond hair.

And he had a really big dick.

Well...

It was so big it was incomprehensible.

-He could fuck for days on end. -Take care, Solvej.

But it didn't last forever between Knut and Toke's mum.

-No, it didn't. -It didn't.

Why would Solvej leave Chris for me?

For the same reason that all people leave a Norwegian.

Because of their voice. The way they speak.

They talk like this, the feckin' eejits.

They have great big dicks, boy.

I'm gonna feck yer gob with me big dick.

-They do talk like that. -Yeah, don't they?

Howya, what's the story, Troels?

-Say something Norwegian, Troels. -I'm grand, old mucker.

It was funny when we did it.

-Is it true? -Absolutely.

-Isn't it, Troels? -Yeah.

That's why women soon leave Norwegians. Nobody can stand them.

It's dead cert.

Are we going to play that final, or what?

Go long, I'll go short.

Henrik?

Henrik.

Henrik.

Henrik.

Give me a boost. Will you give me a boost?

Why don't you boost me when I tell you to? Henrik?

Henrik! Why...

-Can you hear me, Kasim? -Loud and clear.

-Why can't you hear me, Henrik? -Check what he's doing, man.

-He's in near mode. -That's fine.

Great, Henrik.

One down.

Two down.

You're like reborn, Henrik. I've never seen you play this well.

Three down.

He's taking them all down.

-What's up, Henrik? -It's a perfect round.

-You're a beast. -Four down.

What?

Five down.

Fucking hell!

Well done, everybody.

There's so much energy. It's wonderful.

Let's go! Let's go!

That's it. Yes!

You're dead. And you're dead!

Come on, Sebastian.

Are you ready?

You lost! With the knife! I was chasing you for half an hour.

The winners of Skive LAN 3.0 are the boys from the Troll Room.

Look at me now!

Yeah! Yeah!

-Gustav, move that monitor. -I can't, my leg goes there.

-You were pretty good today. -So were you.

-You were very good. -It went well.

Hey! What's up, Lizzie and the Losers?

Behave yourself. Let's go.

Do your arses hurt after being fucked so hard?

She's coming.

Look what you've done, Sebastian.

No, no! Easy now!

Fucking peasants!

Dad, it's just a tiny scratch on the windscreen.

I promise you, the insurance will cover everything.

There were cameras everywhere. It wasn't my fault, Dad.

It was the kids and Lizzie. Those monsters wrecked your car.

Have this, Mum.

Tickets for Lalandia? What good is that to us, dear?

It's all-inclusive. I know it's very generous of me.

You should leave now.

Fuck off, will you?

I'll replace it, Dad. I promise you.

I'll raise the money.

I thought about writing a song to sing outside her window.

But she lives on the fifth floor

and I don't have the lung capacity to reach here.

I checked the price of renting a cherry picker to get up there.

One that reaches the fifth floor would come to 10,000 to 20,000.

And if her Norwegian boyfriend is there alone, I'd be serenading him.

And I'm not in love with him.

-Henrik. -What?

-Take this. I mean it. -What is it?

The last Lalandia tickets. I gave my mum the rest.

I thought it might be good for you and Solvej.

That Norwegian is just a phase.

She'll realise how great you are. Everybody who knows you does that.

Cheers.

Maybe I should make more people know me.

I don't get it.

I was just kidding.

Subtitles by: www.plint.com