Original subtitles

Just a moment and I'll be there.

It is 13:30 hours on Thursday the 25 of August.

Interview with the suspect commences now.

Will I go to jail?

Will you tell me your name and your age, please?

Yep.

My name is Sebastian, I'm 23 years old,

and I'd like to apologies to my friends and my family.

Just speak to me.

Are you aware of your rights?

Listen, it's actually quite simple.

If you tell me exactly what happened, you may avoid going to jail.

-Do you understand? -Yes.

What are you called other than Sebastian?

-FML Larsen. -FML?

FML is my gamer name. It stands for Fuck My Life.

I think we should stick to our real names.

I know nothing about computer games and gaming.

The game is called Counter-Strike.

Gaming is like a sport.

I'm very sorry about what happened. It wasn't meant to go so wrong.

Sebastian, let me stop you there.

You'll have to start from the beginning.

Okay. It was four months back.

I was one win from reaching level 10 on Faceit.

That's it! Yes, man!

Fucking great job.

-It will work out. -They won't fucking make it.

Congrats, Sebastian. You're finally levelling up.

Shit! One more win and I'm on level 10.

Sebastian, where are you?

Sebastian, where are you?

No, no, no!

Fuck! Fuck!

Mum! Dad!

What the hell's going on? Eh?

-Did you cut off the power? -I did.

Why are you looking like Jehovah's Witnesses?

We need to have a family meeting.

Sebastian, all you do is play on your computer.

You're 23 years old.

And you're still living with Mum and Dad.

Something has to change.

You have no idea what you've done, Dad.

Do you realise I was one win from reaching level 10 on Faceit?

One win!

I understand it's a terrible shame, but we need this family meeting now.

-Heidi, could you... -Sure.

I think...

-I'll get it. -No, you won't!

Sit down and listen.

You're not going anywhere until we've made a plan.

Dad. I have a plan.

I'll work at the computer cafe while I grind my way up to FPL.

FPL is a big league, where you get scouted for big teams.

You can make lots of money.

You just got to have a little faith, Dad..

Have a little faith.

That's not a proper plan, Sebastian.

Either you start on an education, get a proper job, or move out.

This is for a "what can I become" event.

I know what I want to be, Mum!

You'll have to move out, then.

Okay, are we done?

-I suppose we are. -Great.

Seb! You were amazing today.

I think it's the best I've ever seen you play.

Why did you stop?

-My dad cut off the power. -Shit. That's new.

Well, you have to try everything at least once in life.

-That's what the clever people say. -Should you be run over by a lorry?

No.

Should you get thrown out of a plane and get Ebola too?

No. Seb, instead of being pissed off, tell me what happened.

Sorry. Sorry.

-Will you help me down. -Yeah.

It's just my mum and dad trying to crush my dreams

to get me to live as miserable a life as theirs.

Right.

Henrik and I had walked together our whole life.

We did everything together.

We were in nursery together.

We bought our first Play Station 3 with our confirmation money.

We began to play Counter-Strike together and fell in love with it.

We lost our virginity together. It was...

Are you lovers?

What?

-Are you lovers? -No, no.

It just happened at the same party.

He's my best friend.

And we're both loyalty members at Play it Alive.

Hey, boys!

Get that Russian to shut his trap.

-Can't you mute him? -I'll mute you and fuck you.

-Sick. -B connector.

Maybe your parents are on to something.

About that education fair?

Yeah, education's good. Maybe you'll find something fun.

Yeah, and be unhappy in a sexless marriage. That would be so cool.

It doesn't have to be like that. My granddad was a paver.

He made love to my grandma three times a day.

It gave him an embolism.

Right.

But I'm not cut out for professional training.

I've got the worst grades in history.

I thought you said it was a conscious protest against the system.

I said that when I was ten because I was crap in school.

I believed it.

I've considered doing something other than playing games all the time.

That's easy for you say, Henrik. You can become whatever you like.

I need to become the best gamer ever.

The best gamer ever. I need to become that.

Not your whole life.

I'll be awash with chicks and money.

I don't have to worry about pension plans or what the fuck it's called.

Astralis has a pension...

Who want to go to the garage?

I'll take a look at this. It looks interesting.

Tristan, will you mind the shop?

It's you who fucking works here. Why don't you do it?

Didn't you say your parents would kick you out

if you didn't get a job or sign up for a course?

Yeah.

-You had a job. What was the problem? -I wasn't really employed.

We were just minding the shop while Boss Mike was in Thailand.

-So you weren't paid? -I got to play for free in the cafe.

But you needed money to eat.

Time flew playing CS, and we went to the garage next door.

Joey Moe, I'm watching you. I know you're light-fingered.

Don't be so paranoid, Tanja.

Put your hands up. Nice.

Satisfied?

Who is Tanja?

A business school boy who wants be a lawyer.

Is Tanja a man?

Yeah... No... Yeah, because "Tanja" is Kasim's gamer name.

Tanja the garage attendant is a psychopathic racist.

I'm making coffee, for fuck's sake, I can't keep my hands up.

Everybody thinks he's a criminal, just because he's... You know...

...brown.

If you're done with your casual racism, Vermund,

I'd like 12 sausages, four LAN kits, and don't go light on the dressing.

Take care not to do OD on all those vitamins, Sebastian.

Then there's Priest, a living legend.

Priest?

Priest was big player when they started playing competitively in 1.6.

Priest's name is Gustav. Gustav's wife, Carina, was pregnant.

Hi, babes.

Gustav couldn't handle it, so he became a compulsive liar.

Hi, hun.

-Are you gaming? -No, it's...

-Do you want to hear about Toxic? -Yes, if you will use his real name.

Toxic's name is Toke.

-What the hell is that? -Jump leads. Interested?

Why did you take Tanja's jump leads?

Because she's being a racist with Kasim.

How does stealing help against that?

I break the prejudice. I'm white, I'm cute, I'm a criminal.

Right, okay.

Say I'm not here.

I haven't seen him here for... maybe three weeks, I think.

Three weeks? Wow!

-As far as I know he quit gaming. -Oh, really?

Isn't that great? You're full of shit, ginger.

Unbelievable.

-Hi, Carina. -Hi, Sebastian.

-Hi. It's nice to see you. -Is it?

-Are you alright? -Where is he?

Who?

-Gustav. Where is he? -I thought he was with you.

Oh, God, sorry. I'll be off, then. No, he's not with me.

-No. -Where is he?

He's probably at one of those "I'm going to be a dad" classes.

He's always on about it.

-Antenatal classes? -Yeah, that's it.

He's always on about it. He loves it.

-Does he talk about that? -Yeah.

He says it's be coolest class ever and everybody totally loves it.

-Including him. -Yeah?

Anything else I can do? Would you like a hot dog?

No... Oh, you're disgusting.

-Take care, Carina. -Shut up!

-Nice one, Tristan. -Yeah.

Sebastian, I looked at this professional training fair thing.

I think we should go. Alright?

There are some cool courses. What do you say, Sebastian? Come on.

-Okay. -Okay?

And you won't be made homeless.

Great, Sebastian. It's cool.

Look, the little dog's doing the one in the middle.

The middle one's doing the big one.

Heidi! Come! Your very adult cat is watching porn!

-Your dog's watching... -What the fuck? You psychopath!

It's not my fault it's watching porn.

-It's fucking disgusting. -Cool it, you two.

-Look what he's doing. -It's not my fault.

Fucking animal abuser.

Darling, did you look into that training fair?

Yeah, Mum, I did.

I'll go there.

Henrik is coming.

He can give me the kiss of life if I suffocate in mediocrity.

Mediocrity? Well, I'm mediocre too. You're from a mediocre family.

You see? It's nothing to be ashamed of.

-I'm going anyway. -I'm happy to hear that.

Then Dad won't evict you and all that nonsense. Right?

That would be nice. I'm so happy to live here, Mum.

It's nice to have you here.

I could live here until I'm 40, I think.

What are we doing here? I'll never be a midwife or something.

Maybe there's something else for you.

-Two pints and four galliano shots. -We serve soft drinks only.

Give me two large raspberry sodas, please.

Thanks.

He's seen it. Flash. Come on, fucking flash.

My goodness!

Easy, boss. I'm not going to hurt you.

-Salt! -Yeah, but just call me Flemming.

I could be your biggest fan. I've seen your highlights a million times.

Kiev in '13, when you demolished NiP. You totally nuked them.

Yeah, but no more. It's over.

I'm incapacitated, you know.

Tendonitis.

AKA wanker's syndrome.

Are you back at school now?

I teach e-sports at Halvorsminde continuation school.

Last year, three of my pupils were spotted for Crazy LAN Randers.

Crazy LAN Randers? Isn't that for losers?

Scouts from the big teams often find their new talents there.

Scouts from the big teams? At Crazy LAN Randers?

Scouts from the big teams.

And cash prizes worth 500,000.

-When is it? -In three months.

How do you sign up?

You need a team, but registration is open.

I need a team.

I need a team.

-So, you have milked a cow before? -Yeah.

-They're calling you to go and... -Yeah.

-I'll move on. -Remember to sign up.

-Hi. -Hi.

Do you want to try?

Er, yeah.

Yeah, I'd like to try your tits.

I mean... I love cheese.

So do I.

-No. -Yes.

-Really? -Yeah.

I'm Solvej.

Hi, I'm Henrik.

-Henrik! -Hi, Henrik.

Henrik! Where were you? I've had a revelation and we have to leave now.

I'm busy right now, Sebastian.

Are you friends or...?

We're best friends and I have to tell him something very important,

so we have to go now.

I can't. Sebastian is like that.

You have a very cute best mate, Sebastian.

We have to go now. Come on, Henrik.

I'll stay a little longer.

I need my own team to get signed, and you're going to join.

We're going to Crazy LAN Randers to smash it up!

What do you say? There'll be scouts.

The rest of us have lives. What's your pitch?

Gustav, you're so old. And you'll only get older.

It's only a matter of time before you end up in Bauhaus

with a baby shitting on your tummy while you're looking for chipboard.

But you're better than the baby, Bauhaus and the rest of them.

I don't know if you're Gus Dear, Gus Daddy or whatever at home,

but for us you'll always be the Priest.

You were a king, Gustav, a legend. You can be that again.

Kasim.

You're a law-abiding citizen.

But the police only see the colour of your skin.

So it's only a matter of time before they frame you for something crazy.

You have to prove their prejudice wrong.

Isn't it? Brother.

I love you, Kasim.

Toke.

Mind what you say or I'll bite your balls off.

I think you're the greatest player with more potential than any of us.

Okay?

But the whole world is against you.

Your parents don't get you

and the doctors medicate you because they think you're sick.

But I am sick.

Stop, Toke.

You're a genius.

But you have to break free from your chains.

You're chained to floor like a slave.

As I see it, slaves don't have a great time. But what do I know?

-You tell me. Are you a slave? -No.

No, you're not.

Listen, lads. You're all much better. You're great. I'm great.

We can do this as a team.

-We can be a real team. -I thought we were a team already.

A real team that doesn't just meet in a computer cafe to play for fun.

A real team. What do you say, lads?

Let's do it. Let's go to Crazy LAN Randers.

-Are you in? -Okay.

-Fine. -Let's do it.

Hey, lads.

-Henrik! -Why are you standing there?

We're forming the coolest team and you have to be on it.

I'm going to be a dairy technician.

What?

Yeah.

Henrik, you have to join because I love you and you're my best mate.

Please, please.

I said yes to Solvej and it made her so happy.

So...

I met a girl called Solvej at the training fair. She's so nice.

Very nice.

Beautiful curly hair and...

Her curls are nice, but I really need you, Henrik.

I need you a lot. I don't have a team without you.

Will you please join?

-Can I join the team? -No, Tristan. You can't.

Henrik.

Henrik, my friend. I need you.

-Yeah. -That's so great!

So great!

It's wonderful.

I thought maybe you wouldn't, but you did it, and I'm so happy.

Whoa! It's so cool. It's tingling in my arsehole right now.

Shall we celebrate it with a game?

What will our name be?

The Team.

-What's the team going to be called? -"The Team."

-The Team. -That's a fucking shit name.

I think "The Team" might be pretty cool.

The team called "The Team."

Well, we'll work it out. Come on, get a move on.

Our comms must be up to scratch.

-Long B. -A clear.

Defuse.

Counter-terrorists win.

-Yeah! -Way to go!

I went fucking crazy with that AK.

Listen, if we hit three, five...

12 tournaments or so before Crazy LAN.

Then we stand a chance.

Just make sure it doesn't clash with the team-building trip for my course.

You don't have to train as a dairy technician to shag a milkmaid.

I've registered for the course, so that can't be changed now.

I'm thinking about saving up for a milking machine.

Why not just cuddle and maybe finger her?

A milking machine is a bit heavy.

I'm not going to use the machine on her, it's for a cow.

Yeah, you need something to do after Crazy LAN.

What do you mean?

I'm going to be busy like hell when I sign.

Maybe. And I'm definitely going to be with Solvej.

Just imagine how bright the future is.

When I got my own team my dream became realistic.

My life had a sense of direction. I could breathe freely.

Finally, I could breathe.

I wasn't suffocated by mediocrity,

force-feeding me with carports, liver paste, barbecues,

Wednesday sex and...

What did your parents think about your decision?

They weren't... My mum took it better than my dad did.

What the fuck's going on?

-Isn't it all your stuff? -Yeah, why the hell is it out here?

The humidity's going to damage it.

Sebastian, your dad's by the window.

Why are you standing there looking like a retard?

It's not a look that suits you.

-"We've changed the lock." -What?

"You've been kicked out."

No, Dad! I don't have anywhere to live!

We just put a team together!

We're going to Crazy LAN Randers in three fucking months!

What do you mean? Mum! Help me, Mum!

-"We're sorry, we can only speak..." -I don't understand.

"We can only speak?" I don't get it.

"when you're in education", it says.

Have you gone psychotic or what?

Maybe it's a good idea.

Mum, are you out of your mind?

Help me, Mum!

"It's for your own sake."

Fuck!

"See you, loser!"

I know how to read, Henrik.

Who's a loser? Who got crabs at boarding school?

Cheers! Nice one, Mum! Putting your own son on the street!

Subtitles by: www.plint.com