Original subtitles

[drumroll]

[bright music]

[vacuum whirs]

- [giggling]

- [whimpering]

[screams]

- Whoa! [frog ribbiting]

[both giggling]

♪ ♪

[horn honks]

[cat groans]

- Ta-da!

- Whoa! - [giggles]

- [yelling]

- Aww.

♪ ♪

- [sniffing]

- Come on, Spike. Fetch.

- [barks] - [grunts]

- [laughs] Can't catch me.

- [laughs] Come and get it.

- Good doggy. - [barks]

- [laughing]

- Thanks for all the kisses, Spike.

- Sometimes I wish I had a bestest doggy friend

like Spike.

- I can be your doggy, Chuckie. - Me too.

- Me too too.

But I gotta warn you, I'm a drooler.

- I'll be a Susie-huahua doggy.

[all imitating dogs]

[laughter]

- Oh, that tickles.

- Okay, okay, that's one tongue three many.

[laughs]

- Aww, sweet.

Kids and dogs go together like coffee and cream.

- Nuts and bolts. - Bermuda shorts and chafing.

- And look how happy Chuckie is.

Every kid should have a pet, don't you think?

- [laughing] Absolutely.

Unless, of course, they're allergic to dog hair like me.

- Remember when we were kids? I mean, I had my dog Mookie.

But all you ever had was Goldilocks.

- Oh, Goldilocks, my goldfish. I loved that girl.

At least I think she was a girl.

It's hard to tell with fish.

We had some real nice words

about her or him before we flushed.

But it's okay about not having a dog.

I've learned to accept what I can't control.

- But what if you could control it?

Gotta go.

- But Stu, it takes three to plant rhubarb.

- [mumbling] Yes!

[tools whirring] [possum screeches]

[upbeat music]

[laughter] - [barks]

♪ ♪

- All right, buddy, you ready for your big surprise?

- Is it barbecue chips?

Your fingers smell like barbecue chips.

- Oh, yeah, I ate a bunch of chips

and didn't wash my hands.

But now for the real surprise. Ta-da!

- Wow. - Meet Rusty.

I've invented the perfect pet for you and Chuckie,

a robot dog.

He's completely hypoallergenic,

and he won't go belly up after three days.

- Listen, it's not that I don't appreciate your thoughtfulness.

I'm just not a dog guy.

- You're not a dog guy 'cause you've never had one.

Now Chuckie will have that chance.

- But Stu, it looks so complicated.

- No, I made it easy.

Here's his remote control. Watch.

- Woof. Bark. Woof.

I have to go potty now. - Deal breaker.

I have enough potty issues with Chuckie.

- Got you covered, Chas. It's not poop that comes out.

It's jelly beans.

Eh? Eh?

And I've programmed him with all the classic dog modes.

Protection. Playtime. Doggy tricks.

- Woof. Bark. Woof. - And affection.

It'll be the full pet owner experience

without the expensive vet bills.

- I guess we could see if Chuckie likes him.

- Pleasure to meet you.

- Do you think we could dial down

the affection mode just a smidge?

- [barks] [possum chitters]

- Hey, little champ. How're you doing?

Tommy's daddy has a surprise for you.

- [yawns]

[screams]

- Bark. Woof. Bark.

- It's okay. It's okay.

This is Rusty, your new dog. He won't hurt you.

Will he, Stu?

- 'Course not. He's a good doggy.

Aren't you, Rusty?

You two are gonna love playing together.

- Pet me more.

- Okay, Rusty, you stay here.

I'm gonna go play over there.

Stop following me. Agh!

- Pet me more. - Um, okay,

- Woof. Bark. Woof. Thank you.

- [laughs] You'll never find me, Rusty.

[giggles]

- Woof. Bark. Woof. Ready or not, here I come.

[beeps]

Ha. Ha. Ha. - [screams]

[laughs]

And fetch!

[grunts]

[laughs]

- Woof. Bark. Woof-woof bark.

[rapid barking]

- Roll over.

And roll, and roll, and roll...

- You know what, Stu,

when you're right, you're right,

except for that time you convinced me

to buy a cowboy hat.

[horse neighs]

[quirky music]

- Look, guys.

I gots a doggy now too.

His name is Rusty.

- Woof. Bark. Woof.

- Awesome. - Whoa!

- That's the amazingest doggy I ever seen.

- Is that dog from outer space? - That's a doggy?

He's kind of shiny.

And clanky. [metal clanking]

- Lick. Lick. Lick. - [laughs]

- Rusty's a really good boy.

- Woof. Bark. Woof. I have to go potty now.

- [barks]

[sniffs] [growls]

[all screaming] - It's okay.

They're just jelly beans.

[both giggling]

- [cheering] - [chewing]

- Aw. Sweet dreams, pal.

- [whimpering]

[suspenseful music]

[whimpering]

[bass-heavy music]

[muffler bangs]

[alarm blaring]

[dogs barking]

- What?

[screams]

[screams]

The remote. Where's the remote?

Stu!

- Uh-oh. Be right there.

[alarm blaring] [dogs barking]

[keypad beeps] [alarm stops]

There. That should do it. Good as new again.

- Hey Stu, I don't think this is working out.

Chuckie could develop a fear of all things metal.

And what would that look like?

He might never wear braces.

Or make toast.

- I'll just recalibrate Rusty to be more helpful.

Everything will be fine.

Nice PJs.

[laughter]

- Boing boing!

- Hey, Chuckie. Where's Rusty?

- [whispering] Shh. I sneaked away from him.

- How come?

- He's been acting all weird and scary.

Your daddy said he fixed him and made him helper-a-ful,

but--oh, shh.

Here he comes. [jets whooshing]

- [grunts]

Oh, well, he doesn't look scary now.

Come on, let's play bouncy ball.

- Well, all right.

[laughter]

- Hey.

That's no fair.

- Yeah, we want a turn too.

- Rusty's wrecking the game.

- Rusty, you're not 'apposed to keep pushing the ball to me.

We're-- [babbling]

[beeping]

[bird squawks]

[satellite beeping]

- Bye, bouncy ball.

- You never miss 'em till they're gone.

- Sorry, guys.

Guess we'll have to play something else.

- I know. Reptar Attack.

[growling] - [laughs]

- [gasps]

- No, Rusty. Quit helping me.

No, I don't want it.

- [grunting]

[tense music]

[all grunting]

♪ ♪

[all groan]

- Aw, Reptar's all yucky now.

- I can live with it.

- This is terrible!

Rusty won't let Chuckie have fun with us anymore.

- No, I can still have fun. I just--aah!

- Woof. Bark. Woof.

Time to go home. - [screaming]

- I had a feeling it would end like this.

- There's Tommy and Susie

and Phil and Lil.

Oh, remember when we used to be so happy?

They'd all splash and play in mud

and I'd watch from a safe distance across the yard.

Oh, those were the days...

[babbling] - Aww.

My sad little man.

It's that scary robot, isn't it?

Well, we're gonna give that jelly bean pooper right back

to Tommy's daddy right now, we are.

- Woof. Bark. Woof. Dog catcher. Dog catcher.

- Why would Stu program a dog catcher mode?

I'm just an oboe player! Second chair!

- Woof. Bark. Woof. Woof.

[piano keys clanging] - [screams]

How do I keep losing the remote?

[screams] - Woof. Bark. Woof.

[suspenseful music]

Woof. Bark. Woof.

Woof. Bark. Woof.

Woof. Bark. Woof.

♪ ♪

- Agh!

[screams] [gasps]

[menacing tone]

[gasping]

- Woof. Bark. Woof. Intruder. - [screams]

- Help! We've gotta save my daddy!

- I got your backs, Chuckie.

A baby's gotta do what a baby's gotta do.

My trusty Studriver to the rescue!

[beeps]

[mechanical humming]

[jets whooshing]

- There it goes,

probably my most perfect imperfect invention.

- Oh, that's not true, honey.

You've had hundreds of them.

- Oh, my gosh!

I thought that soulless hunk of metal was gonna eat me!

- No worries.

I'll build a better one for you with no bugs.

- Stu, I don't want another Rusty.

- But Chas, Chuckie needs a pet.

- What I think Chas is saying is that he might want

a nice simple pet for Chuckie, like a hermit crab.

- Hermit crab?

I've heard they're a very quiet, sensitive species.

- I'm sorry. Sometimes I get carried away.

- [barks]

- [laughs]

Thanks, Spike.

Guess I don't need my own bestest doggy friend after all.

- That's right, Chuckie.

You got all your bestest friends right here.

- [barks]

- Phil, save some for later. - Sorry. Doody calls.

[bright music]

[exciting sci-fi music]

- [growling]

[roars]

- Reptar.

- In space.

- Wow. [both whining and grunting]

- I don't know what's wrong with these two.

They used to be my happy little Jordan and Pippen,

John and Paul, peanut butter and jelly.

Now they're more like... I don't know.

- Oh.

Peanut butter and onion?

- That's actually not a bad sandwich.

[upbeat music]

- Cynthia, here's your green nacho tea latte.

- Jonathan, what did you do to my green matcha latte?

It's unusually delicious today.

- [laughs]

Oh, just an extra sprinkle of--

- Oh, who am I kidding?

There's nothing that can take away the stress

of this city council job.

What I need is a spa day. - Excellent idea.

I'll book you a spa appointment at once.

- I also need cucumber slices for my eyes and ice cold water.

- Now? But I am driving.

- Eh, you'll find a way.

- Did you hear that, Cynthia?

Mommy gets whatever she wants 'cause she's got a Jonathan.

[gasps] You're right!

I need a Jonathan too.

- [roars]

[lasers zapping]

[all gasp] - Get out of there, Reptar!

- Hi, Aunt Didi. Hi, Aunt Betty.

Mommy can't stay on account of she's skipping work

and having a spa day.

- Hmm.

- Can you believe it?

All of my meetings were canceled.

I would have invited you ladies,

but, well, then who would watch the children?

[laughs]

- You know what would be nice?

To have our own spa day right here.

- Count me in. - But--I already have--

- I'll whip up some facials.

- But that's not--

Jonathan!

- An afternoon off. Score! [laughs]

- All right. Let's get this going.

- [roaring]

[exciting sci-fi music]

♪ ♪

- Psst. Finster. Talk to me for a sec.

- I-I-I don't want any trouble, Angelica.

- No trouble. I wanna play a new game.

It's called Be My Jonathan.

I made it up special for you and me.

I'd ask Tommy, but you know how he gets.

- Reptar, use your laser beams!

- I have been trying to be more adventurous lately.

- Good.

Now go get the frosted animal cookies

out of the bag Aunt Didi hides behind the Hanukkah stuff.

- Where's that? - In the pantry.

- But where? - The bottom shelf.

- How many cookies? - Only the pink ones.

- Okay.

[quirky music]

What's a pantry?

- Ugh! Chucky, you're bad at this.

- I tried to tell you that.

- You're fired!

- Shh.

- Oh, hello, Susie Carmichael.

Do you want to play Be my Jo--

- Nope. Never. No way.

- Lil.

Move. I can't see.

- You move, Phil. This is my spot.

- [grunts]

- Excuse me, Phillip.

- You told me to move, Lillian.

- Here's a good spot, Phil.

- That's okay, Tommy.

I'm gonna go play blocks or something.

[grunting]

- Hello, Phil.

How'd you like to play a new game

called Be My Jonathan?

- Sounds boring.

I like trains. And mud.

- [sighs] My mistake.

It is kind of a hard game.

Maybe I should ask someone else, like Lil.

- Uh, no! Ask me. What do I have to do?

- You have to drive my Cynthia car

while I ride in the back and call you Jonathan.

- But you said if we ever touched your Cynthia car,

you'd tie us up with extra-long socks.

- Shh.

- [whispering] I say a lot of things.

Do you want to drive the car or not?

- Is Phil okay? - Don't know and don't care.

He's been in a bad mood for days.

Maybe even minutes.

Forget about him. Let's us play!

- [whining] Tommy.

- [roaring]

- Mush! Mush!

- [breathing heavily]

- Mush! Mush!

Good doggy.

Crabby Phil never let me mush that long.

- Water. Need water.

- [panting]

[upbeat music]

- Maybe it's the leftover guacamole on my face talking,

but I'm starting to feel better.

- Betty's been having some behavior issues with the twins.

- Well, we can't all be a perfect mother.

- Char, you're hysterical.

- [laughs]

Don't call me Char.

- Jonathan, I'm ready for my latte now.

[grunts]

[sighs]

[slurps]

[spits] Jonathan!

I said half apple, half cranberry!

- I'm gonna drive the car now!

[engine revs]

- Whoa!

- [laughs]

[upbeat pop music]

♪ ♪

[tires squeal]

♪ ♪

- Yuck. - [blows raspberry]

- Hmph.

[mischievous music]

Chuckie, if you're gonna be my new,

more fun, better Phil...

[chewing]

You're gonna have to try new foods with me.

- But I don't wants to eat dog food.

- I know it's not as good as fish food,

but it's way better than cat food.

- Mmm, mmm, mmm.

[gags, coughs]

Disgusting! [spits]

- [barks]

- [panting]

- No fair.

Me and Lil always try new foods together.

- Oh, Jonathan, it's time for my beauty treatment.

Did you bring my cucumber pieces and spa day stuff?

- Uh, I think so. Here.

[frog ribbits]

- [screaming]

- Here.

- [screams]

Not in my mouth! Not in my mouth!

- Crabby Phil loves frogs.

Oh, maybe I miss Crabby Phil,

a little.

- [whimpering]

Me too.

[ribbiting]

- Okay.

[bones cracking] - Ow!

- Well, I feel more relaxed. How about you, Char?

- To be clear, Betty, when I booked a spa day,

I just needed exfoliation and a little time to myself.

Is that too much to ask?

- Not at all.

Sometimes little things pile up,

like babies and bottles and bath toys

and the constant struggle for identity

and an overly-judgy, soul-sapping,

social-media-obsessed world!

Oh, I don't know where that came from.

[sighs] - Whoa. Hmm.

[phone dialing]

- Jonathan, this homegrown spa day

is not what I needed.

Get back here with an excuse for me to go back to work

before I turn feral!

- [roaring]

[triumphant music]

♪ ♪

- Wow! Reptar was amazing this times.

Right, Chuckie?

Chuckie?

- Hey, where'd everybody go?

- Hey, Phil. Where's Lil?

- She's with Chuckie now.

[grunting]

And I'm a Jonathan.

- What's a Jonathan?

- It's a new game I'm playing with Angelica.

Oops, I hasta pick up Cynthia from her spa "appoinkment."

- Right.

So what's the fun part of the game?

- Oh, I get to drive the car around,

and...that's the only fun part.

- Wouldn't you rather play with us?

And Lil?

- Can't. I'm in too deep.

- Jonathan, what's taking so long?!

I wanna see Cynthia all glowy and relaxed!

- Gotta go.

Angelica says a Jonathan never rests.

Bye.

- You know who could get Phil out of this mess?

- [grunting]

Your turn next, Chuckie.

- We had a good run, you and me.

But I just want everything to go back to norman.

- Need your help, Lil.

- We wants to play with Phil,

but he's stuck playing a new game with Angelica.

- I do not know anyone named Phillip.

Go on.

- The only one who can get Phil out of trouble is you.

- It's true. I gets lots of practice.

- Jonathan, are you there?

- I'm here, Ms. Important City Lady.

- Good.

Now, are you sure you turned the knob three times?

This mist level feels like five.

- Sorry, Your Excellently.

- Oh, Phillip, Phillip, Phillip.

- Ooh, can you help him, Lil?

- I'm not sure anyone can help him.

- Nah, this is a peasy one. Watch.

[mischievous music]

♪ ♪

[grunts]

[hose groaning]

- Jonathan, where's my mist?

I can't wait around here all day!

[yelling]

[screams]

You're fired!

- [barking] [laughter]

- I really missed you today.

What were we fighting about anyway?

- I do not know.

Got anymore of that doggie food?

- Thought you'd never ask.

[both laugh]

[bright music]

♪ ♪