Original subtitles

I was so shy when I started lecturing,

Professor Mullins went out of his way to make me feel at home.

Oh, so he was your tutor?

No. His college was affiliated with mine.

Before he retired, he was an authority on ancient Rome.

Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your SHEARS.

Very good.

Isn't it gorgeous?

A little island of calm.

That's enough! Natives don't look too friendly.

Apparently he's a squatter.

He's been here for ages.

Harmless enough. Heel!

Pack it in! So much for your island.

It looks like the tide's coming in.

Oh, I hope not. The professor loves this place.

There he is. Oh, dear.

Hi, Prof.

Is that a fine bottle of wine approaching?

Oh, dear. Have I ever let you down?

I brought a friend with me. Not another of your young men.

You know I never approve. No, no. Don't worry.

Professor James Mullins, meet Laura Thyme.

Ah, ah, another horny-handed daughter of the soil.

If that means I'm a gardener, then you're right.

It's that callous blend of coarseness and creativity.

Ah. Not like HER.

She has the painted talons of a harpy!

Professor, sh! You used to like Paula.

She's up to something here.

I know. Ah, I'll get the corkscrew.

Is he that friendly to all his neighbours?

Hush, now.

Oh, bother. Tiberius, keys.

Horny-handed daughter of the soil?

Ah, Bordeaux. Saint-Julien, I say.

What will you do when you've tasted it? Tell us who trod the grapes?

Robbed of my sight,

one learns to depend on the other senses, here especially.

The fragrance of my flowers, the sound of the trains,

the traffic, my windmill. They're the only guide I need.

Tiberius gets a well-earned rest down here.

Well, it's very odd, Prof.

I can see why you called. The leaves on the begonia are all blotchy

and misshapen and it's the same with the rosemary.

There's a yellowing and spotting of these wallflowers.

But the daffs are fine. That's very strange.

That means there's no pattern. A bit of a conundrum.

Is it just your plot?

No, it's like a biblical plague,

devastating some plants, sparing others.

It's an awful worry.

I plan to spend my retirement pottering on here.

Don't get so worked up! What do you think you're doing?

Is that Burnley causing a ruckus?

He's a scruffy young man and his plot's a mess.

I've got every right to be here. It sounds like Kenny the builder.

Oh, and Paula's getting involved now.

Brawls, squatters, intolerable.

I shall have some serious words at the EGM. EGM?

Allotment committee tonight. You must come along.

Stay at my house. I'll introduce you to everyone

and we'll formulate a plan for attacking this blight.

As opposed to each other.

Get lost!

There's that man Burnley.

The professor says he's running a business from his plot

and that's totally illegal. And now here's the builder.

Good evening, gentlemen and ladies.

Who is that?

Hugo Dainty. Splendid chap.

A benefactor worthy of his great-grandfather.

The purpose of this EGM was to discuss the blight

or whatever it is which has afflicted the allotments.

The first healthy stalks I've seen today. What?

The ones your eyes are on.

However, events have overtaken us somewhat.

In recent days, Mr... and indeed, Mrs... Kelly's construction company

has made an offer to buy the allotment land.

My work commitments mean I can't devote adequate time to management

of the site so I have provisionally accepted the bid.

No!

You're a busy, young man, Hugo. It's tempting to unburden yourself,

but I think you've forgotten Article Seven of the foundation charter

set down by Sir Herbert Dainty, your great grandfather,

the philanthropist who gave over the land for allotment use.

Someone wake me when Stanley Unwin gets to the point.

My apologies for overtaxing your simian brain, Paula.

Simply put, land use cannot be changed without tenants' consent.

I presume Mr Kelly's intending to develop the site.

Well, I'm not spending two million pounds to grow sodding sprouts.

I'm building another apartment block.

I wasn't aware of this foundation charter,

but in view of your excellent academic credentials...

Ah, stuff his credentials.

I'm offering £10,000 to anyone who wants to sell.

Show of hands.

End of story. Know what I mean?

Bribery is clear enough in any patois, sir.

Do you fear debate? I don't fear anything, old man.

You shut your mouth, you.

Oh, yeah? And are you going to make him? I knew it. I knew...

Oh, no. They're going to start fighting again.

That's why you bored those dirty, great holes.

Well, let me tell you, I'm not losing my plot.

Not without a fight.

Hear! Hear! You lost the plot years ago.

Selling sandwiches might work for you, but I'll take the money.

We can resolve this easily enough with a secret ballot. Are we agreed?

He's very commanding, isn't he?

I'd go over the top for him any time!

I hope you don't mind counting, but as the only neutrals...

We'd be delighted.

I expect Professor Mullins' objections came as a bit of a blow.

In the last year, I've put in new fences, security, a sprinkler system.

It's not the money. It's the time involved.

Well, two million will buy you a lot of time.

Yes, it is a tidy sum, but I have a very nice car

and a very nice home already.

If you're free for dinner tomorrow, I could show you.

Well, that would be...

Perhaps we'd better start counting these.

I, the returning officer...

Well, it seems the "Nos" have it.

Give us that here, you.

A bottle of their finest champagne for celebration, my dear.

Talk about the blind leading the blind. You all must be bleeding mad.

Celebrate?

You've cost me 10,000 quid, you silly, old sod.

Not I. The people have spoken.

The people would rather have vandalised sheds

and scabby veg than ten grand?

You er... saved the day there, mate.

Your enthusiasm for saving these allotments

were better invested tending them.

I'm busy with my sandwich business. From your plot.

You've turned the place into a glorified warehouse.

Cease these business activities or I'll act.

Oh. Well, never mind. More champagne for us!

Morning. Morning.

I was thinking about the plant damage last night.

I know the random spread rules out viruses,

but what about soil contamination? From the building site.

Those holes could have turned up something nasty.

We should take some samples.

Professor Mullins has left.

He's seeing his solicitor for lunch,

but he wanted to put in a couple of hours at the allotment.

We'd better get moving. I've got to get back for my dinner date. Ooh.

That's enough.

How did your meeting go last night?

I hear Kelly's trying to buy this land.

Allotments endure. You, sir, will not.

Rest assured, I shall take every effort to have you

and your mangy curs removed from here at the soonest opportunity.

Oh! Keys, Tiberius. Keys.

Good boy.

There you go. Good boy.

Hello?

Hello?

Is someone there?

And what time will you be back tonight?

Laura, I'm only going to dinner. With Hugo.

Well, the professor seems to like him.

What's the matter?

Tiberius.

What's up, Tiberius?

Prof! What's the matter?

Prof! Where's your master, then?

Where's he gone? Prof.

Where are you?

Prof! What?

He should be here. Rosemary!

It's upsetting, but this was an accident waiting to happen.

It wasn't an accident. Are you saying someone pushed him?

It wasn't an accident. Are you saying someone pushed him?

It wasn't an accident. Are you saying someone pushed him?

Of course that's what she's saying.

The professor knew every inch of this site. I just can't believe...

There's no sign of a struggle. The only footprints are yours and his.

And the only witness who was there... Witness?

Jangles. Lives in the caravan.

Well, what did he say?

Saw Mullins arrive, thought he heard a scream later on,

looked over but saw no-one. Hardly conclusive.

You can see 100 yards all around from there. There's no hiding place.

Short of jumping down the hole with the old man...

Sorry. When a blind man goes wandering round a field

full of holes, you don't call out the murder squad.

And there was no-one else around?

Nobody. Look for yourself. I'd have seen.

Well, why didn't you investigate if you heard a scream?

I wasn't sure what it was.

Really? Forgive me, but you don't seem very concerned.

Why should I be? From the minute I arrived, he wanted me gone.

I had done nothing to him. But that doesn't mean...

You people, you think because I live like this I'm capable of anything.

But you're wrong.

I just want to be left alone. That's all I ever wanted.

That's a reliable witness?

We should probably go.

No. We promised the professor we'd save his plants.

It's the least we can do for him now.

All right. I'll get some samples from the holes

and we can crosscheck it against this soil.

Unless I've gone mad... the wallflowers were there yesterday.

Well, they can't have moved...

No, they've changed places with the rosemary.

The bikinia and the daffs have done the same thing.

Unless I had too much beer yesterday. Well...

Or the professor's crossing his plants with triffids.

The windmill.

That was definitely down by the shed yesterday. I distinctly remember.

What's going on here?

I think I know.

If this works, it'll answer a lot of questions. All right.

Now, the professor arrives

and Tiberius leads him. Now you be Tiberius.

Right, yeah.

I'm not going down on all fours. OK.

Ah, yes. Dog tethered.

Right. Now, then. Don't you do anything unless I'm in danger.

Right, now.

Professor turns, walks towards the shed to get his tools.

Rosemary. No, that should be wallflowers.

Lavender? Sorry, my soap.

No, the rosemary's on the left.

Wait a minute.

Ah, begonia, right.

OK.

Bluebells.

Right. No, that's wrong.

That's not right.

Windmill.

So I must be going towards the shed.

Stop!

But it was an accident, surely?

It was meant to look like one.

Someone rearranged the plot in such a way

as to lead the professor to stumble into the hole.

Good heavens. Do the police know?

Not yet. We need more proof.

And a suspect.

You can rely on me to assist you in any way I can.

Any ideas yet? There's Jangles.

Laura trusts him, but I think he's unstable.

He's been a mess ever since he left the family's brokerage house.

He was a stockbroker? He seems rough round the edges.

He was good at what he did.

We paid him the biggest bonus in the family's history.

So, what happened? He loved the high life.

Bought so much jewellery we called him Mr Bojangles.

The trouble was he loved women too until his wife found out.

She left him? In a way. Killed herself.

Took the poor devil over the edge and he quit.

Became a vagrant. Ironically, he pitched up at Dad's allotment.

Didn't have the heart to evict him.

You inherited your father's business.

Frank Dainty... city legend. Tough act to follow.

You managed. It was hard at first.

Found myself in merger talks with a Japanese company. Takasone.

I stuck to his guiding principle. Turned out OK.

We made a packet. Dad would have been proud.

So you think your father was right to trust Jangles?

Well, that I'm not so sure of.

Can you imagine the pent-up resentment in him

with Professor Mullins trying to evict him at every turn?

I think you're right to suspect him.

Rosemary wants us to keep an eye on Jangles.

So, pretend you're a bloodhound OK?

I think she's wrong.

Jangles wasn't the only one with something against your master.

Come on.

I know you loved him,

but he could be a cantankerous, old cuss at times, couldn't he?

I mean, he put Burnley's back up last night at the meeting, remember?

And he's had a running feud with a woman on this plot.

Kelly. Come on. Quick! Quick, quick!

Returning to the scene, eh?

You're not a gardener. Who do you know?

Uh-oh. Come on.

No, I've had enough. That's it.

I've kept my side of the bargain. I want my money.

And you'll get it. Once I've secured the land, we'll both be quids in.

Everyone will be happy. Always jam tomorrow with you.

Don't be like this, Paula.

Here.

A little bit on account.

Sh!

I suppose it'll do. For now.

You're worse than my bank manager.

A lot better looking, mind.

Kelly and Paula Scott cooked this up.

He has the motive. She has the knowledge.

SHE rearranged the plot.

And he is going to pay her when he gets the land.

And with Professor Mullins dead, they can force another vote.

Right. Do you know Hugo, grows these in his house in the country?

Aren't they beautiful? Smashing.

And another thing. They're having an affair.

I stayed last night until the windows of the shed steamed up.

I had to cover your eyes, didn't I?

What is it?

Dear Miss Boxer.

With condolences on the death of Doctor Mullins, blah, blah, blah.

The will.

You've been named sole beneficiary of his estate totalling...

£478,766!

And 32p.

The inheritance must have come as a shock. Yes, it did a bit.

I mean, we had been quite close

and I knew his family were wealthy and he had made money in TV.

Eccentric and irascible, cardboard cutout historian.

I'm telling you, there's nothing wrong with the sandwiches.

Mr Burnley. Selling your sandwiches here?

I didn't know you worked for Hugo.

I'm a lot more important than Hugo.

I'm the most important person in this office.

Oh, really? Was that an unhappy customer?

Yeah, I'm afraid so. That's my supplier's fault.

See, the problem is, when a paying punter says it's hard cheese,

well, it's me that ends up in a pickle.

I'm sorry about the old boy, by the way.

A horrible way to go. See you.

I encouraged Professor Mullins to invest with us,

but it was HIS decision to choose the highest yield portfolio.

It ties up his money for some years.

Given his age, I strenuously advised against it, but he was adamant.

Well, what was he going to live on while this matured?

Look, it's all explained in there.

I'll need several of these

after everything that's happened. You'll get used to it.

I found one's outgoings adjust to suit one's pocket

with alarming speed. Cheers. Oh, cheers.

Well, 20 years ago I'd have known just what to do with the money,

but now... Oh, I don't know.

I think you're the most vibrant woman I've ever met,

if you don't mind my saying so.

You know, I've always found energy and enthusiasm very attractive.

I'm sure I'm not the only man.

Oh, well, you are at the moment, I'm afraid.

Really? Mm.

I can't believe there isn't a significant other lurking.

No, I've lost a few on the way.

You make it sound like a lucky escape. I think it was.

I'm not a very good judge of character where men are concerned.

Present company excepted.

I'm surprised there isn't a Mrs Dainty lurking around.

Well, there was. Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, don't worry. Sarah's not dead.

She's happily ensconced in my... well, I should say HER Tuscan villa.

We're divorced. She left me. Sorry.

I can't blame her for wanting out.

I neglected her. I brought it on myself.

But it's the betrayal that... I just find it so hard to reach out.

I don't think I've trusted another woman since.

Present company excepted, of course.

So, are you passing, buying or being nosy?

I've had all three tramp through here since that sign went up,

so you might as well come in.

And you're selling this place.

Yep. The divorce. Split the proceeds?

Oh, no. My name on the mortgage.

I'm skint. Up to my eyes in his debt.

My husband walked out on me, so I SHOULD feel sympathetic.

But?

I feel sorry for Mrs Kelly.

I heard you and her husband in your shed last night.

What big ears you have.

You were talking about money,

the sale of allotments and with the professor being murdered...

What are you suggesting?

Someone wants him out of the way.

Someone with a vested interest in the land.

There's plenty of people with better reason

to kill misery guts. He cost you money.

It wouldn't scratch the surface.

I'm talking grownup grudges... Stuart Burnley.

The professor hassled him for using his plot for business, but murder?

Burnley grew a very particular weed

till the old fella sniffed it out a few years back.

My husband told me about it. Mullins called the police.

Cannabis is only a caution. He was on probation. He did time.

The old man's been on his case ever since he came out.

He doesn't like him using his plot for business,

so if you want someone with a real reason to hate the old man,

to want him out of the way, try Burnley, not me.

He seemed so inoffensive.

He was at Hugo's office selling sandwiches... full of condolences.

Yes, but she said he'd been to prison

and that it was Professor Mullins who put him there.

I'd say those were crocodile tears. Here, hold this.

I'll be back. Come on, Ti.

I said to your mate earlier.

I'm sorry about the old fella.

Really? Even though he put you in prison?

He did me a bit of a favour, as it turned out.

I learnt a few lessons in stir,

plus he saved this place from going down the tubes.

It would have been bad for business. Look, I won't lie to you.

I sell sarnies to the office wallahs.

My unit's ten miles away. This place is handy for storage.

Be seeing you, then.

Ooh, er... there you go.

It's on the house.

The secret's in that shed and it's not Mars Bars.

Look at this. It's rampant, but some flowers are still fine.

There's no rhyme nor reason. There is. There is a reason now.

Look at these early tomatoes.

Look at this. Caused by growth regulator. Weedkiller.

Someone's deliberately poisoning the ground?

But why target particular plants?

That doesn't explain the random spread.

It's got to be in the water.

Not Hugo's cheap sprinkler system. That doesn't even reach everywhere.

The sprinklers.

They must be contaminating the whole system from the feeder tank.

And somehow upping the dose, I think.

We'll keep a watch out tonight. Stake it out.

That's

We can't keep him. He's a trained guide dog.

That's just cos you're a cat person.

Well, maybe. No cats. No dogs. Seems a fair compromise to me.

The investments of the professor's. They might as well be hieroglyphics.

Well, Hugo understands it.

The flask's empty.

No, I'm fine anyway.

I'm not. I wonder if Jangles would fill it for us.

What with? 2, 4-D weedkiller probably.

I'm going to risk it.

Stay.

Quiet!

You've got it very comfortable.

You're just surprised it's not a hovel.

You're out late, aren't you?

Just doing some soil tests.

Whatever. Give us your flask.

No, no, no. It's all right. I don't want to cause you any trouble.

But I would like your opinion.

I heard you used to be a financial expert once.

All in the past.

Now I like to be left in peace, so make your tea and...

Please. Please. A friend of mine has come into some money,

but her financial adviser says she can't touch it for years.

Would you have a look? I don't do this any more.

Just relax. I am relaxed.

This is rubbish. What?

Mumbo jumbo. Smoke and mirrors. She could have her money tomorrow.

Who put this together? Hugo Dainty, the top man.

In his dreams. I knew his dad.

A good bloke in a poisonous profession,

but the son single-handedly brought Dainty's to its knees

when he took over.

I thought he oversaw the merger with Takasone.

Rosemary said... Merger?

The Japs bought Dainty's for a quid. Frank Dainty would have wept.

But Hugo's still there.

Takasone wanted to keep the Dainty name.

I guess keeping Hugo on was the price.

But if Hugo Dainty's managing your friend's money...

Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. What are you doing?

Killing two birds with one stone.

I've just seen Kelly and Paula Scott leave an oil drum thingy

near the tank.

No. Yes.

Ah!

It was a weedkiller in the drum.

Kelly and Scott have been poisoning the land.

That still doesn't prove they killed Professor Mullins.

I want to check out Burnley first.

What was that? Crisps. I'm starving.

Want one? This is no time to be eating crisps.

What flavour are they? Cheese and onion.

Oh, go on, then.

Mm.

Bingo!

At least he's got a sense of humour.

Look at that.

Must be thousands. Where's it all from?

What's in this one?

What's that? Drugs!

He must have been dealing from here.

That's why he didn't want the professor to know.

It must be Kelly and Scott coming back to contaminate the tank.

Oh, it's Burnley!

What are we going to do?

Ah, you're right on time.

I'm sorry about our little business partnership

being a bit of a disaster.

I never made any promises when you put up your dosh.

You can have the rest of the consignment. It's not much.

Don't be daft.

Put it away.

They ran away. I couldn't see who it was.

How's...

Well, put it this way, I think we can safely rule out Mr Burnley.

If you remember anything else, call the incident room.

Why won't you listen? This is linked with the land being poisoned

and Professor Mullins' murder.

The sweet pea slaying. I'll bear that background in mind.

It's not background. It's the key. People are playing for big stakes.

There was a lot of money in that shed. We saw it.

It's not there now. Burnley was a drug dealer.

Yes. He'd been peddling dodgy gear lately.

We take bullets out of his sort for fun.

It's a dangerous trade.

One that you ladies would be well-advised to keep a distance from.

Can you believe his attitude?

How can anyone be so bloody blinkered?

Years of training.

Anyway, if he won't nail Kelly and Scott, we will. Come on.

I can't. I'm having lunch with Hugo.

What? You're still going, after all I told you?

I can't condemn someone on the say-so of a scruffy loon.

At least ask some of the questions he told you to.

Well, maybe.

Oh, who's being blinkered now? OK. OK. I'll ask.

I have some questions about accessibility.

Fortunately, I have some answers for you.

I managed to free some of the interest on your money.

Excuse the vulgarity of ready cash.

There's £2,000, if you'd be kind enough to sign for it.

Jolly good.

Oh, Hugo, I'm going to need some more.

Well... there are the...

funeral expenses and legal costs

and God knows what else. Yes, yes, of course.

Well, lunch on me, I think.

I didn't know there were any restaurants down here.

I want to feed your imagination first.

Mr Kelly?

Your weedkiller is lethal, not to mention illegal.

What are you talking about?

You were seen last night with Paula Scott

bringing a drum of weedkiller onto these allotments.

And I think whoever contaminated the land

killed Professor Mullins and Burnley too.

Don't be soft. I couldn't even kill a spider.

It was YOU or your girlfriend Paula.

Because you needed the land and she needed the money.

She... She was threatening to tell my missus about our affair.

Blackmail? No.

Well, sort of...

but we're still... I'm still...

I know she was only doing it because she was skint.

This was good soil and you poisoned it to get hold of the land

and make money out of it.

We didn't poison the allotment.

Come on, Derek, tell her. Why defend that pompous prat?

Face it. You're not going to get the land. I'm not going to get my money.

Why's he looking so smart? I need to talk to your friend.

After last night, I had to find out what Hugo was up to.

I went to Takasone-Dainty. I have friends there, very high up.

What did they say?

Hugo doesn't know he's under internal investigation.

Irregularities. Huge losses.

The idiot's trying to bust Dainty's again.

Your friend has got to get her money out.

What do you think?

This will be my living room. Galley kitchen over there.

Three bedrooms. A handsome pied-a-terre.

Oh, several pieds, I should think.

It's very large. Yes.

Too large for one, I think.

Like my house in the country. I've always been of the carpe diem school.

These past few days with you have made me very happy.

Imagine yourself living here.

I want you to be my wife.

All right. Hugo came to me and we agreed the sale.

He knew about this charter thing, but he wasn't sure if anyone else did.

We knackered the land as insurance.

Just in case there was a vote.

I supplied the weedkiller, but he did all the sabotage, I swear.

So HE was the saboteur. It was him with Burnley last night.

He killed him and Professor Mullins.

We had nothing to do with any murders.

He's with Rosemary. If she demands her money,

she'll be threatening to bring down his entire house of cards.

I saw them over the other side of the building site.

Call the police.

Well, perhaps I should think about it. I'm not rejecting you, Hugo.

Well, yes, I am. I like you a lot.

I don't know you, let alone love you. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. How brash of me.

Look, there are smaller apartments in the upper stories.

Would you at least take a look with me?

After you.

Hugo. Why did you have to say no?

All I needed was control of Mullins' funds.

I could have skipped the other vows. Now I'll have to call the lift.

My God. You killed the professor.

He retired. He thought I kept his money under the mattress.

I tried to tell him investments don't work like that,

but he could have caused trouble.

You needed the cash from the land sale to buy him off.

Well, what about Burnley? Did you kill him too?

The drugs deal promised a quick return.

Money to buy breathing space. It went wrong again.

So you are a fraud and a failure. I'm Hugo Dainty.

I won't be side-lined in my own company,

wheeled out to amuse clients like a performing seal.

You're crazy.

I'll scream. The builders will hear.

In their lunch hour? The pub's a mile away.

You're a fool. People know I'm with you.

Building sites are dangerous places. Going down.

Hugo!

Up here. Come on, Tiberius.

Good boy.

I'm sure you'd have made a fine Mrs Dainty.

No matter. Thankfully the receipt you signed makes over the money to me.

You'll have to excuse me. I'm rather squeamish. Goodbye.

Laura! Rosemary!

Stop!

A wise decision, Hugo.

Call it a basis for negotiations.

Forgive me if I'm wary of dealing with you. We've come from Takasone's.

Dainty's. Just like old times.

18 million quid down and counting.

Ah, Jangles. Father's favourite.

Did you never wonder how your wife found out about your affairs?

A simple phone call.

Oh!

Oh, no!

The key! The key!

Oh, no!

Oh, you little hero. Good boy!

Hold on.

OK, sir. Break it up. Break it up.

Thank you. Thank you.

Are you all right?

Good boy. Good boy. Oh, you clever dog.

On reflection. I don't think I'll change my mind about your proposal.

Oh, my goodness me.

Oh!

Good boy.

Well, I hope the professor would have approved. Mm.

He certainly tended his blooms better than Hugo tended his cash.

The money would have been nice. Ah, well. Easy come, easy go.

And Hugo was decidedly easy-go.

Come on, Tiberius. I'm glad you didn't marry him.

That really would have been three's a crowd.

Oh, look. I know you want to keep him.

Ever since he saved my life, he's been growing on me.

Yes, but... Oh! Hi.

Hello, I'm Fiona Brown. Laura Thyme.

We spoke on the phone.

I've come for...

OK.

This is goodbye, kid.

Is he going to a good home?

Oh, the best. He'll live out his days at our sanctuary.

Comfortable kennels. Open fields to roam.

As much food as he can eat.

He'll have the life of Riley.

Good boy. Come on, then.

Come on, Tiberius. Come on.

In you get. There's a good boy. Oh.

You didn't have to do that.

A sanctuary. Do you wish we'd kept him?

No.

I wish I was going with him!