Original subtitles

with me

with me

with me

a trip into the sky with me

driving on the west side

say ah

- Hey, babe.

Why don't you let me pick the next song?

- I'm riding shotgun.

I play DJ.

You wanted to pick the songs,

you should have let me drive.

- Yeah, well, you don't know where we're going.

- Well, without that GPS neither would you.

- You're gonna love it.

me

with me

- Have much longer do have?

I just got an idea.

- What sort of idea?

- Hm.

This sort of idea?

- Yeah.

Yeah, that's good idea.

- But do we have time?

- We'll make time?

- Are your eyes closed?

- What? No.

- Are you lying to me?

- Look, they're wide open, okay.

Please, don't stop, come on.

Oh my God.

Oh, your mouth is like a leaf blower in reverse.

- A leaf blower in reverse?

- Yeah.

It's like, sucks in instead of blowing out.

- Wow.

- Look, I couldn't think straight.

Okay, you know what I meant.

- I do and I'm not particularly fond

of being compared to lawn equipment.

- Come on, you know what I meant.

- Just keep driving.

- You can't leave me like this.

- You're not even at 50%.

I think you'll be fine.

- Please.

- Now you're acting like a baby.

And I don't blow babies.

- All right.

Well, what about real hard motherfuckers.

- Hm, well maybe, if you work real hard, motherfucker.

- Look, all I need is time.

All right?

So why don't you come over here?

And you could-

Oh shit!

- What the fuck?

Who the fuck is that?

Hey man, can I help you with something?

- I don't like this. - Hey buddy,

I'm talking to you.

- Please, look,

we were going to a party-

- Oh my God. - Off the road little bit.

- Tyler, Tyler! - It's not my fault-

Please, please, please.

- Her mouth was on my penis. - Tyler!

- Okay. - Tyler!

Dude, let go of me.

I didn't do anything. - Please stop.

Oh my goodness!

- How about now? - Nope.

How about now?

No honey, we got like 30 minuets.

I think we're close.

me

dessert

- Mm.

- Nice. - Oh boy,

I could use some of that.

- Hey, my GPS is done.

Stephanie, you got anything?

- I got cell service but no GPS.

- Okay, well, Alex.

I need to know where to turn.

So I guess that's your cue.

- Is that a paper map?

What are you, a Spanish colonialists?

You gonna rape and pillage my people next?

- No.

Safer lines are just a trait

that our generation sorely lacks

and it should be practice.

- Ew, just because you use a paper map

doesn't mean you're smarter than us

but by all means,

bring measles to the new world.

- Hey, leave Alex alone.

If he wants to live like it's 1492, let him.

- I assume you're referring to 1992,

I mean I'll have you guys know

that maps were in heavy circulation rarely

by the early 2000s.

I mean, you make it sound like I'm longing

for the meaning of the Demian Pina Colada.

What?

Tell me you wouldn't love that though?

Just you on a boat with a map.

Tell me you wouldn't love that.

- So here's the thing.

Here's why you're actually wrong,

because when you use a paper map

you miss out on the raw sensuality

of having a British man.

- Oh!

- No, I don't need any raw sensuality, thank you.

I like the autonomy of a map,

and I don't use the GPS

because I don't like being told what to do.

- God. - You know what that is?

- No.

- It's my bullshit detector.

- Oh, okay.

- Yeah.

'Cause that's bullshit. - It's true.

- Do you know why you don't like being

told what to do?

- Alex, it's okay.

That's like the cool thing about you

that you don't know how to use a phone.

- Okay, all right, fine.

I couldn't figure out how to change the voice on my map

to a British man.

The lady, the man, the British man.

So you use a paper map

because you can't figure out how to use your phone.

- No, I know how to use a phone.

- Wow. - I just I couldn't figure out

how to do the GPS thing.

And I also didn't want to

and I'm glad that I didn't.

And I enjoy maps, okay,

cartography is kind of my thing.

- Hey. - It's sexy.

- Hey.

Hey, Stephanie.

Smoke your blunt.

Alex.

I need your map skills.

Okay, tell me where I'm going.

I literally have no idea.

- Alright, so within a logical margin of error

to our exact location

if my measurement in inches is correct.

- How many inches do you measure,

Alex, like on a good day

and your best day.

Bryan?

- Like six and a half.

- Bryan.

- Seven.

- Thank you.

- Wow.

- Within a logical margin of error

to our exact location,

we should be turning left in 4 1/2 miles.

- In 4.5 miles, turn left.

- That is good, who was that?

- John, John Linnet.

It's four

It's 4.5 miles, turn left.

Oh my God.

In 4.5 miles, turn left.

- They make some British man.

- Now you're being sexist.

I always knew you hated women.

I don't hate women.

- Who are you trying to convince me or your self?

- probably make an exception.

- What is it exactly about us,

our voices, our faces. our uteri,

our ovaries, our vaginas.

- I think it's all pretty unattractive.

- Wait, are you being serious?

Are you trying to tell me

that you actually wouldn't want to fuck me?

- No.

No.

- You don't want to fuck me?

Just because you're gay, you couldn't fuck a woman.

That's so lame.

- Well that's what it means.

- You're so in the box. - I'm not in the box

and I don't want your box.

- Well that's a first.

- Not everyone wants to fuck you.

- Who else doesn't want to fuck me?

I don't want to fuck you.

Bryan doesn't wanna fuck you.

- Besides this lame. - Hey.

Bryan doesn't wanna fuck you.

- Guys.

Stop. - But Bryan already did.

I've been doing some research on lakes

in my spare time,

fun fact, there's usually water in them.

- Please tell me we're not there yet, Bryan?

This is just a part of the road.

Right?

The lake is right around the corner or something, Bryan?

- No, this is it.

This is Isola Lake.

Or what's left of it, I guess.

- I knew we should have looked this shit up on the internet.

You know they have pictures

of the whole planet on there, right, Bryan?

Satellite pictures.

- Yeah, you didn't know about this, did you?

- That the lake wasn't a lake?

No, I did not know about it.

Not exactly.

- Not exactly.

- Specificity please, honey.

- My mom sent me an article about how

climate change was causing some droughts

and that Isola Lake might be dried up in a decade,

but I thought a decade was like 10 years.

- I swear to god if this is some kind

of lesson on global warming.

Point taken, and I hate you.

- Lay off, Stephanie, he didn't know.

- I just wanted us to have a good time.

- We will.

We don't need water to have a good time.

Right, Stephanie?

Right, Stephanie?

- Oh.

Yeah, I'm ready to go home.

So I'm gonna go sit in the van

and wait till it takes me there.

- No.

Hey, I'm sorry.

Okay.

I should have looked it up. - No.

Hey, we can still have fun.

We still have weed.

We still have the van.

We still have each other.

I mean, the only thing that's missing is the lake.

- Oh, was there a lake?

God, I must have missed it,

in the middle of all this fucking desert.

Can you stop pretending

like you care about the water

'cause you live in Santa Monica.

- And?

- If you wanted water,

you would have stayed home

but you practically beg to come on this trip.

- I'm tired of saltwater and I wanted to cock block you.

You don't know my life.

- Hm.

We all know why you're here.

You're trying to forget about David.

- I'm about to try and forget about you.

- Am I wrong?

- No, you're not fucking wrong.

You're right.

But if you keep bringing him up,

I can't forget about him.

Can I? - Okay, okay.

Can we stop?

Please.

Please.

Please.

Okay.

If you want to go home,

I can get us back in like six hours.

- Hm.

Probably more like a eight,

cause' we'll be hitting traffic on the way back.

- Alex, I love you, but not right now.

- I love you too.

And sorry.

I'll shut up, okay, back to you.

- What do you want to do, Steph?

- We're already here.

I'm tired of being cooped up anyway.

- Yes!

That's my bad bitch.

Ah.

Ha! - What are you doing?

- She likes when I do this dance.

- Honey, where did you pick that up?

I don't like when you dance like that.

- You will. - Baby, no, please.

No.

- Don't you like this dance?

- I like the dance. - You do!

You like the dance!

- Yeah, I like the dance.

- I like you.

- Plus, somebody's gotta smoke all the weed.

- Yes, and this is a very good

learning opportunity for all of us.

Because I've always wondered

what it looked like at the bottom of the lake.

- Get me a cement block and I'll show you.

- No, you can't actually kill him, you know.

I can't?

- No. - You sure?

- Actually feel like I'm gonna get like

some really good shots out here

'cause this terrain is sick.

- Your 17 followers will be psyched.

- 734 actually, you'd know that if you followed me.

- I do follow you.

You follow my personal page.

- Oh, okay, so I'm not a good friend

unless I follow your photography account too.

- No, you're a good friend.

You're just a shitty fan.

- Well, I tapped out when you put a filter

on a bowl of cereal and captioned it food-spiration.

- Yeah, I was being ironic.

- I don't think that landed, buddy.

- Okay. - Post a decent photo

and I'll follow you.

- I love your photography.

- Thank you, Alex. - Love?

That's a big word.

You shouldn't throw that around all willy-nilly.

- If I didn't mean it, I wouldn't say it.

- It's true. - Yeah, okay.

I'm gonna go see how high I can get,

you guys chase the good lighting.

- Are you gonna be okay?

- Oh, don't fucking ask me that.

- Don't kill yourself.

Alex, wait up.

Oh, you're coming with me?

Hey, don't be like that.

I'm sorry.

It was supposed to just be us.

- I know, but you saw what a mess she was.

She just needs a friend.

- She doesn't have any other friends?

- I said I'm sorry.

- She's just been up my ass this entire time,

and not in a good way.

I'm trying to be on her team

about this whole getting cheated on thing,

but it's all starting to make sense.

I understand.

And I'm sorry.

Okay?

I thought it was okay.

What can I do to fix it?

- This is helping.

You make it really hard to stay mad at you.

You know that? - I do know that.

- Yeah?

- I promise that we will do this again very soon.

Just you and me.

Okay.

But she needs this.

Did I tell you that David's like camping outside

of her apartment lifting weights,

so she can, she sees him every day?

- Yeah, I know, I heard you guys talking about it.

- I thought you were sleeping.

- I was until she saw that picture of him and Cassie.

- Oh, God.

- But, I get it.

I mean, as much as it sucks,

the fact that you are willing to be this nice

to a friend, it's very sweet.

Thank you.

And thanks for sticking up for me too.

But you don't have to say that you like my pictures.

- I do like your pictures.

- Do you?

- No.

And it is not your fault that the lake got dried up.

- I know it's not my fault.

It's the corporations and the meat eaters!

- Yeah.

You are always on your IRS about these meat eaters.

- Well.

- Well.

You know I've never heard you complain

about my meat eating.

- Oh, please don't compare my penis

to a dead animal part.

- Like you know, just big tenderloin raw,

covered, uncut circumcised between your legs.

Between my legs.

And my butt hole.

Yeah, baby!

- Hello?

If you're a bobcat, I will fuck you up.

There is nothing there, Steph.

You're acting like a crazy person.

God damn it.

- I thought you were gonna have

this super amazing time without me.

That's not what this looks like.

- I left you behind for a reason, asshole.

Why do you gotta show up and ruin it?

- You brought me here.

- And I'm leaving you here.

- Typical, avoiding confrontation.

- No, I'm avoiding you.

- But you can't stop thinking about me.

Can you?

I mean, I get it.

- Oh Bryan, there's a beautiful patch of dirt.

It's just remarkable.

- Okay.

You know I'm not just taking pictures

of random patches of dirt,

I'm choosing them specifically.

This is art.

- I know.

Sorry.

Tell me about what you're doing?

- Okay, do you see this crack here,

how it splits and then goes

into three different directions?

Yeah.

- And then see how they all meet back up,

right over there.

- Yeah.

- It's just this like feeling of uncertainty.

And how pointless it is.

- You know that you could choose

any path to get where it's going,

but it always ends up in the same space.

Which path is the correct one?

I don't know, it's just

we agonize over these decisions

and just go different trails trying

to figure out which way to go,

not knowing that we're always gonna end up

in the same space.

Really, choice doesn't matter.

There's no correct path.

Everything ends.

- And it looks like a butt.

- That's what I was trying to say,

it looks like a butt.

- With a crack.

- Now you're getting it. - Yeah, butt crack.

Here, will you take a picture of me

for my personal account. - Oh, yeah babe.

Just like right over here.

Nice.

- I want to find lighting over here.

- Is this your fantasy version of me?

You can't even see the muscles.

Need some help? - Not from you.

- What are you looking for?

- Something to make you disappear.

10 minutes and I'll be back on vacation.

- Do you ever truly feel like you're not alone?

- How can I be alone when I'm with my friends?

- That's a good question.

Mine's better.

- This conversation is over!

Okay?

This cannot go on.

When I get back to LA I better find out

that you stayed here and you fucking dieD.

God!

I was really hoping there'd be

someone I could fuck out here.

- I wish we had like a tumbleweed that rolled by.

- Yeah, nice, honey. - You know.

What should I do?

- Are you flexing?

- I can.

Climate changes is real!

- Honey, how do I know if the camera was working?

Does it click or anything?

- Do you see me? - In the thing? No.

- Steph just texted,

"Got high, taking a nap."

She usually sleeps for a few hours when she gets high.

- Can we get that high?

- You can get as high as you want.

I gotta drive.

- Does that mean we're leaving?

- I mean, wouldn't you rather drive home while she's asleep?

Wait!

Wait.

Fucking shoes.

- And it really wasn't that bad.

- You don't think so?

I mean, that being said,

I'm doing the next one.

And I'm not inviting Stephanie.

And I'm getting a free blowjob.

Okay, you can have that whenever you want.

Look at my muscles.

You're getting tan.

Am I now?

- I love that. - Yeah?

- Yeah. - Thank you.

missing part

breathe

- We should end this trip on a high note.

- You're already a high note.

- I'm horny.

I want to eat all your dead animal parts.

- Stephanie's right there.

- I bet I can do it without waking her up.

- I don't know if I can do it,

without driving off the road. - Into what?

Drive off the road, for all I care.

I feel very safe.

- You're crazy.

- Take off your pants.

- I can't believe we're going this.

- You're not doing anything, babe.

You were just driving through the desert.

And I'm gonna taking care of the rest.

- You always get so horny when you smoke.

Oh!

Ah, that's good, that's good.

That's good.

Oh.

Fuck!

Ouch.

- Why did you slam on the brakes?

- Why did you bite my dick?

- Well, I'm awake.

- Because it was in my mouth when you slammed on the brakes.

- Fuck! - Are you okay?

- Oh fuck, you bit my fucking dick, Alex.

- Did he bite it off?

- What?

- Is it still attached?

- Yes, but it's like bleeding,

he broke skin.

- Then you're fucking fine,

my dick bleeds once a month.

- Ew!

- Why did we stop?

- Look.

- What the fuck?

Those are human heads.

- Duh.

- I've never seen human heads.

We see human heads every day.

- Yeah, on bodies.

Oh. - Okay, we need to get you

to a hospital.

Is there one nearby? - I don't know.

Alex, why don't you check the map?

- He don't need a fucking hospital.

- Yes, he does. - So do they.

- No, no, they don't.

No one present needs a hospital.

- My dick got bit!

- So what?

I've had plenty of boyfriends

who like when I use a little teeth.

Your dick is fine,

just like their dicks are fine.

- Didn't Travis' dick fall off?

- That was the nurses fault. - Okay.

Are we gonna ignore the human heads on the road?

- There's not much we can do for them at this point.

Well, someone should say something.

- Rest ye in peace,

oh souls of these heads.

- This seems disrespectful.

- If thy had but thy bodies,

perhaps we would grab a beer with the thusly.

- Amen.

- These weren't here when we drove in.

- Are you sure?

- Yes, Alex.

I'm sure I would have seen them.

Someone put these here.

- Then they're still nearby?

- I'm calling the police.

- Good idea. - Hi.

We are at Isola Lake

and we just found two severed human heads.

- Why did you bite my dick?

- I didn't mean to bite you dick.

- I know you didn't mean to bite my dick

but even still,

you bit my dick. - I was trying to be fun.

It's not fun, Alex, it's bleeding.

- Oh, hold on a sec.

Where exactly are we?

- I don't know, the middle of a lake?

- I'll go get my map.

- Alex, wait!

Stay close.

- Okay, we're finding out, we're not sure just yet.

No.

I'm aware.

Yes, I know.

Well, I don't fucking know,

why can't you just track the call

based on my location or something?

Not possible?

You- - Steph, calm down.

- You were able to locate my brother

when he was trying to do street art

and you're gonna tell me it's not possible.

I have two heads.

- Try a different tone.

- Okay, well,

how long will that take?

What?

Look, why don't you just tell an officer

to come out to Lake Isola,

and just stop whenever he sees the two human heads

in the middle of the lake?

Okay?

Okay? Great.

Thank you so much.

Bitch.

They're sending someone.

- That's great.

- No, I don't think they're gonna

be able to find us.

We gotta get the fuck out of here.

What the fuck.

- Hello.

Can we help you?

We come in peace.

- Are you fucking kidding me, Alex?

- What.

Are you okay?

- Alex, don't.

- Do you need water?

'Cause we have water.

- He's probably the one that put the heads there.

- I think it's wrong to assume things about a stranger.

Ah, maybe that's for clearing brush.

- You think he's gonna behead the brush, Alex?

For someone so smart, you're acting like a fucking idiot.

- Maybe he's deaf.

I love your outfit.

It's adorable.

Very chic.

Can you hear me?

- If he's deaf, complimenting him

and then yelling louder wouldn't help, would it?

- I think he wants to cut off our heads.

- I just, he hasn't done anything yet

and I think it's wrong to just assume.

- Holy shit!

- Bryan!

Bryan, get up.

Bryan, he's right behind you!

Bryan!

No.

- Wait.

- Oh my god!

Bryan is dead.

Bryan is dead!

- I know.

- What the fuck are we gonna do?

- Stay calm!

We have to figure it out.

- Figure what out?

Bryan is dead and that medieval fair reject has our van.

- Well we'll get the van back.

We just need a plan.

- Oh my god, Stephanie, he's coming.

Run!

- He's gonna run us over!

- Don't let him!

Split up!

What the fuck?

That doesn't make any sense.

- Why didn't he try to kill us?

- I don't know.

But I'm gonna get that van back.

- You're gonna follow him?

- I will do whatever it takes.

I want to get home.

God damn it, get down.

Do you see that?

- I see an old camper and I see a bunch of junk.

- Does it look like anyone lives there?

- I can't tell.

- Give me those fucking things.

- Nice.

- Give them to me.

I don't see our van anywhere.

- It's Bryan's van.

- I'm gonna go check it out.

Maybe you could start up that camper

and just drive us the fuck out of here.

- What, what?

Stephanie, the killer could be in there.

He could have a gun.

- Didn't ask you to come.

- Wait, Stephanie!

Fuck!

Fucking fuck, fuck, fuck.

Damn it!

What the fuck are you doing?

You look like a goddamn troll.

Just, I'm staying out of sight.

Well, I can fucking see you, Alex.

- Doesn't look like that thing is gonna move.

- Yeah, no shit.

But it also doesn't look like anybody lives here.

- Right and it also didn't look like

a cartoon murderer lived at the lake either.

- Shut the fuck up.

I'm gonna try the door.

- Why, why?

Oh my God.

Because, Alex, then we can see if we can find an old piece

of mail with an address on it.

To help the police find us,

or some food or water or something.

- What if there is someone inside

and what if it was gonna kill us?

- It's our only chance.

Is anybody there?

Doesn't seem like anyone's home.

- I don't wanna.

But I will.

- Shit.

He lives here.

- I fucking told you he was in here.

My God, I'm gonna choke.

- Water.

Here.

Here! It's warm but it'll help.

The fuck.

- What?

What, what the fuck?

- Sh.

- No, no, no.

- Ah!

- He's here! - What?

- And he has his sword.

- Fuck, okay, all right.

I need a minuet to think.

I think he has,

if he's here then the van is here.

Over that ridge, right?

Right?

Alex!

Alex, the one time I need your logical brain

and you're fucking shutting down, what good are you?

- Fuck you, Stephanie.

We're gonna die in here.

- Okay.

Weapons.

Weapons, weapons, weapons.

No, not now.

Really? - No?

No what?

- Fuck!

- Is this your new place?

It's much nicer than the old one.

Okay, you didn't seem to mind it

when you live there rent free, asshole.

- Yeah, we put up with a lot of bullshit

when you're in a relationship.

You need my help.

That's why I'm-

- No I absolutely do not need your help.

- I fucking need your help, please.

Who the fuck are you talking to?

- I need you.

I need you.

- You need me

- Shut the fuck up.

Look, we gotta get to the van.

Right? Right?

And I got a plan.

I do.

- I never appreciated how smart you are.

- Shut up!

We don't have much time, Alex.

Alex.

Alex, I am not gonna die

because you are too chicken shit to help.

All right, you woman up.

You got this.

Decent pep talk.

I almost bought that.

- He's getting close.

We go on my say.

- Go where on your say?

- No matter what happens,

you get back to that van.

- Fuck!

- Nice, babe.

You are so powerful.

- I don't need your validation.

- The keys aren't there!

- That's a second best friend you've killed today.

- Stephanie! No keys!

- Then just bust out a window and hot wire it.

- I don't know how to hot wire a car!

- God damn it, what use are you?!

- I don't know,

I guess I'm good company.

- Get out of my way. David.

- You know this is all your fault, right?

You realize that?

Bryan died because our relationship died.

You should have never left, Stephanie.

Come home to me.

- You don't think I know this is all my fault?

We will fucking talk about this later.

- Stephanie, get out of there.

Fuck you and your sword.

- Look at you.

All right.

- We're just gonna let him win?

- Stephanie!

Come on, man.

You're cut open.

- I'm fine.

Ow!

Yeah, that's right bitch.

We won.

Fucker.

- No, no, no.

We lost, I'm sorry. - Fuck you.

- Okay, get out of here.

Okay, no, no, no. - Stupid fucking face.

Yeah, we lost.

- When I see that motherfucker again,

I'm gonna cut his head off

and wear it as a goddamn hat.

Fuck him.

Fuck his mother.

Fuck his whole fucking family.

- Do we have a plan?

- We have to find a checkpoint.

And then we can call the police

and then maybe they'll be able to find us.

We have to use your phone 'cause mine is murdered.

- Mine's in the van, so.

- What the fuck did you just say?

- I said mine was in the van

in the cup holder.

- What do you mean your phone

is in the van in the cup holder?

I don't get it.

Your phone is in the van

in the cup holder.

Why the fuck is your phone in the van, Alex?

Who gets out of a car without their phone, Alex?

- I'm sure a lot of people do, Stephanie.

- No, nobody does that.

We were just fucking there.

Why didn't we get it.

- I was fighting for my life, Stephanie.

I didn't, I don't know what to tell you.

- You were fighting for your life?

You were fighting for your life?

Oh, okay.

You are such a fucking idiot!

- Can you please refrain from attacking people

who are on your side for one second?

Bryan's last memory is of you giving him shit

for fucking up a vacation that you weren't even

supposed to fucking be on at all.

He did not deserve that,

and you did not deserve him.

- Feel better?

All done?

- Can I get a factory reset on my Stephanie

'cause this one is stuck in cunt mode.

- That's really funny.

It be funnier if that was a real phone.

But it's not, want to know how I know?

'Cause your phone's in the fucking van.

- Well, your phone is destroyed.

- My phone is destroyed?

You think that's the same thing-

- Why are you being so mean to me?

It's not my fault - Really, Alex?

Really?

I think I deserve a break because my gash

is literally still bleeding.

- That explains the drive here then.

That's so funny.

You could keep up and no one else could.

And honestly, I've never seen Bryan so happy with anybody.

I thought you guys were great together.

- I really don't know what I'm gonna do without him.

- You could still talk to him.

- You mean like you and David?

- No.

We gonna talk about that?

- Bryan was a good person.

And he was my only friend on the fucking planet.

I just, I guess I felt like he was slipping away

and I shouldn't have taken that out on you.

Happy?

- Is that an apology?

- Fuck you.

I was just keeping it 100.

- I don't even know who you are anymore.

- Me neither.

- You didn't just say all that

to avoid talking about David, did you?

- What?

I would never do that.

- You just did.

Just so you know, you never would have lost Bryan.

You couldn't have 'cause he felt the same way about you.

- Thanks.

Hey.

Do you think Bryan still has his phone on him?

- No.

No, I can't see his body again.

- Then you don't have to look.

But we need his phone.

Do you see that?

- What, is he here?

- No, there.

It's the police.

- They came?

- Hey.

Hey, we're over here.

Hey!

Hey, stop!

Stop!

We're over here.

Stop, we're over here.

- Don't stop Stephanie.

- Stop.

Please stop.

Hey!

Stop!

Of course he did.

Alex.

Run.

Oh, fuck you.

- Hey!

Come back.

She is wounded, you fuck.

Come after me instead.

- Every time you're about to die,

you think about me.

I gotta say, I'm really flattered.

- Not the fucking time.

- Oh, it's never a good time with you is it?

- Hey.

Come at me, bitch!

Why don't you step out of there

and fight me like a woman?

Huh?

Run, Stephanie!

- If you're gonna do it, just do it.

- Run, Stephanie!

I'm coming!

No!

I'm coming.

Go away.

What do you want with us?

I'm coming, Stephanie, I promise.

- Hey.

Not to sound totally ungrateful,

but why don't you kill me, huh?

Isn't that, like, your thing.

You are not like the others.

- Holy fuck, it talks.

And it sounds like a gurgling, cum-filled asshole.

- You're brave, strong, you have value.

God, didn't you hear what I said

about validation earlier?

I don't fucking need it

and it definitely doesn't work coming from that 1998 dial up

sound effect you call a fucking voice.

- You will be welcomed by all.

- There's more of you?

Like how many?

What do you got?

Like a family of head loppers out here, huh?

Huh?

Father and a mother and baby or what?

Instead of teaching the kid to read,

you just teach them to cut the heads off lizards?

What the fuck?

You know what? I changed my mind.

I think you should kill me.

Matter of fact, I'll kill myself.

- You will be convinced and I will be rewarded.

- You don't look vaccinated,

so you'll definitely catch some shit from me.

Your whole little clan of cos players

will just drop dead as soon as I walk through the door.

- I will bring you to the leaders.

They will decide.

- If we can get there before I die.

Huh?

Remember when you cut me?

Probably got fuckin' tetanus or something.

That shit hole of a trailer you live in

certainly wasn't fucking sanitary.

- There is an out post.

I won't be there much longer.

There's a better place waiting for me.

You will be tended to what the leaders see fit.

- Yeah.

I don't really see that happening.

I'll rip your fucking head off with my feet.

I don't even need a toy sword from a nerd convention.

How you like that, bitch!

- Let me go.

- No.

- Your feet stink.

- No.

Do not get away from me, no, no, no.

You motherfucker.

- Why do you run away?

I am attempting to spare your life.

- You're holding a sword.

- You are ungrateful.

- What are you gonna do about it fucker?

Kill me?

- Drop it.

- Damn it.

You fucking asshole.

I will report on your secret society.

Put me down!

Put me down!

You fucking asshole!

Fuck you!

- Stephanie.

Bryan.

No, no, no, no.

I'm coming for you, Stephanie.

- Don't touch me.

No!

- Don't embarrass me.

- This is your society?

These are your leaders?

A bunch of fucking douche lords in cloaks in the desert?

You must all be men, right?

'Cause no woman would agree to this shit.

- Dad!

Dad!

Dad, you forgot your scepter.

You forgot your scepter.

Hello, female.

- Fall in line.

What is the meaning of this?

- A gift.

Dear leaders, through your wisdom comes safety and glory.

Safety and glory.

- Why do you defy the will of the order, executioner?

You have abandoned your outpost.

Safety and glory-

Safety and glory.

- Are only possible so long as everyone does his part.

Your part is guarding the outpost

to keep us safe from intruders.

- I plan on killing her.

I thought she could provide a valuable asset.

- That is not your decision to make.

- That is why I brought her to you, master.

- Yeah, you know what, you're right.

He broke the rules.

So you should definitely kill him

and then I'll just, you know,

get out of your hair.

- Hm.

She's feisty.

I got an idea of what to do with her.

- Yeah, I got an idea too, asshole,

how 'bout you eat shit and fucking die?

- Make your case, executioner.

- We are as the lake was!

- We're gonna need a bit more than that.

- The lake was great.

Now it is gone.

And the order is great.

It provides us safety and glory.

Safety and glory.

- Recruitment is dwindling.

We are aging.

The order will be gone.

If brought back to health,

the girl could provide us with powerful offspring,

to strengthen our numbers and bring us

to the next stage.

- Try me, asshole.

I will cut off all your dicks.

- It has been a long time since I've had a mocha latte.

- If I have to sit around long enough for one of you

limp dicks to get hard enough to impregnate me,

I'll die of fucking boredom.

- Then we can fuck your corpse.

- We do not fuck the dead.

We're not animals.

- Although, you know I hate to admit it,

I believe our friend from the outpost-

- Are you talking about me? - Has a rather good point.

- Are you talking about me? - We haven't seen

a new recruit in quite some time.

- I think it might be a little dangerous,

you know, bringing another female to the group.

Even when under our command.

- You're referring to another woman, are you..

- Yeah, I'm referring to you.

- Ew, I'm not a girl.

Yes, you are.

You have to be.

- No, I'm not.

Felicity Fellatio Bones is a character that I play

that happens to be female.

And like every female, she's a hoe.

And like every male, you love it.

Oh, shit.

You guys are both fucking the drag queen.

- She's a woman!

Okay. - I thought you were

a transgender.

- I am a man, honey.

- I do not care if you're a man, Felicity.

And you haven't earned this pussy yet, baby.

- This is needlessly confusing.

Conversations like this are why I left LA.

- It's not that confusing.

You're just a little slow.

- So you guys are all fucking the same dude

but you don't get to fuck anyone.

Hey, you know these guys hate you, right?

- Okay, all right, my point still stands.

We would bring her in out of kindness.

- Yeah but she's a woman,

and women always want more, they want more power.

- Sex with other men.

- Oh, sounds like some boss ass bitch

really did a number on you nerds.

Carly.

Carly.

- Fuck you, Jared.

- Fuck you, dude.

Don't use my old name.

We don't talk about the before time, Larry!

- Oh, you mean when you used to be gay?

- Whatever, you're just mad cause' you're gay

and I got electrocuted straight.

Right, Dad?

- Stop calling me that.

- Prove it.

- Oh, I'll prove it.

I'm gonna prove it so hard,

you're gonna be like,

oh give it to me, give it to me, Jared.

I'm gonna give it to you.

- What the fuck does that mean?

- Safety and glory.

- Get over here.

Right here.

Look at this woman

and tell me what you think of her.

- Sexy.

- Do you think we should take her in?

We could make children.

We could start a town.

A city, even.

- Okay.

It's a tough question

'cause she's obviously hot,

but she's probably just a lesbian feminist

and her kids would suck.

I say we kill her.

- Oh, oh, so you're making decisions

without conferring with the council, now, Jared?

- Wow.

So now you're making decisions without conferring

with the Council, huh, Jared?

- Did you find any actual value

in just repeating that entire sentence verbatim?

I have made my decision.

First we're gonna make sure

that cut doesn't get infected,

then we take turns fucking her

until she gives us a child.

- I'll go first.

Then you, Jared.

- Awesome.

- I did good?

- Safety and glory, brother.

- Safety, safety and glory.

- You can have one turn with her,

and get back to your outpost.

- Oh god.

- Come down, you big baby.

They're letting you live.

- We just want strong children.

We don't even find her attractive.

- Oh, hi, Larry.

Why don't you make yourself useful

and go get us some water?

- It's over a mile to the well,

get it yourself.

- Did you want me to suck you off tonight?

I said-

- Yeah, I want you to suck me off tonight.

- So go fucking get some water.

Use the new van if you have to.

- Hey, what the fuck are you doing with these guys?

- Baby, even lonely idiots needs some loving too.

You try denying three pussy-whipped boys

who will do whatever you want with them.

I haven't gotten so much free dick in my life

and some of them actually kind know what they're doing.

- No, fuck that.

They murdered my best friend.

- Never said they were perfect.

- So you're like their queen?

- Bow down, bitch.

- Seems like they want to crown a new queen now.

Why would they want to do that?

- Because now they have a real woman.

Someone who can actually give them children.

How many of them do you think

are still gonna want you

when they've had a taste of me?

- Probably just Jared.

He always makes me top.

- Cut me loose.

Then you'll never have to think about me again.

- Or I could just kill you right now.

- They'll never forgive you.

If you let me go, they'll think that I escaped.

- Girl, you are fucked up.

I like that about you.

- Leave us.

- She's not done yet,

'cause I- - I won't be long.

- He's not lying about that.

- I said leave us.

- Okay. - Felicity.

- Don't grab, girl. - Felicity!

Right now, don't worry.

Bye, girl, sorry!

- It's been a long, long time

since I've tasted actual pussy.

Let's find out if it's as good as I remember.

- It's not, it's really not.

My boyfriend cheated on me.

I got the clap.

You'll get the-

- Stop talking!

I don't believe you!

If you kick me,

you will suffer more pain than you could imagine.

- Wait.

Let me at least get you hard first.

- Have you had a change of heart?

- It'll go faster, if you're hard.

Wow, what a great cock.

I'm really gonna enjoy this.

- Girl, run!

Before somebody finds you

and I gotta kill you myself.

Go. Fuck out of here.

Asshole.

Fuck you, bitches.

- Hey!

It's me, it's me, it's me.

You're okay.

You're okay.

Yeah. - Alex?

- I thought you were dead.

- I thought he went back and killed you.

- I'm so glad you're alive.

- Me too.

- What did he do?

Is he around here?

- He's...

He's knocked out.

The the drag queen

hit him with a rolling pin.

- Are you hallucinating again?

What the fuck is wrong with straight men?

- They are not straight.

- We gotta get out of here.

- I need a minute.

I think we have at least a minute.

Maybe we can take some of those fuckers out

when they show up with the cavalry.

- What?

You didn't tell me that they had horses.

- They don't.

Where are you getting that?

- Calvary, it's a French military term for equest-

- I thought cavalry was like backup.

- Well, yes and no on that.

- Oh shit.

I can't believe this is the last thing

you're ever gonna teach me.

- Don't say that.

Because rhino horns are made from hair.

- Can I ask you a question?

But you have to be honest.

Did you really like Bryan's photography?

- I liked how much he liked this photography.

I thought maybe

he would get better at it,

but he really just got better

at the whole bullshitting thing.

- You remember the moles,

he always tried to cover them up with the airbrush.

He used to get so pissed

when I'd give him shit for that.

He took it so seriously, you know?

- I know.

None of this feels real.

- Those fucks are very, very real.

- Steph, we gotta get that van.

Let's go.

- No!

- Steph, what do you mean no?

- Let's just sit here.

What's the fucking point?

You know?

Every boss I'll have, every boyfriend,

every manager, every fucking president,

I'm gonna see one of those cape-wearing fucks

who killed my best friend,

and would rather hold me hostage

as a fucking baby factory than let me just live.

Live my life.

How are we gonna go back

to having a normal life after this?

Even if I do take enough Xanax

to feel fucking normal once in a while, I'll hate myself.

The life I had is over.

- Your shitty boyfriend cheated on you

and then worked out outside of your apartment

just to piss you off.

You got your chest cut open.

You put a nasty desert dude's dick inside your mouth.

So you can't forget.

You don't forget.

- Yeah.

, fuck.

It's worse than I remembered.

Okay.

- Sorry.

Just wait with me.

- Do you have any more weed?

- I love that you still have hope.

- Love is a big word.

You can't just go throwing that around willy nilly.

- Holly shit, they're here.

- Hide.

- Stephanie? - Just don't fucking move.

Okay, stay there.

- What are you doing?

- I said don't fucking move

or I'll kill you myself.

- Ready to talk?

- Jesus.

Fuck!

You know what? Yeah, I am.

- Good.

I'll go first-

- I'm not mad at you anymore.

Not personally.

I just hate what you represent.

- You're saying I'm just like everybody else.

I think you better- - I forgive you.

Okay?

I give you permission to leave my life.

I said boy, bye.

Oh, hey.

Want to fight?

Hey, I didn't get your name.

- We would have given you a life of luxury.

All you had to do was provide children,

and the order would have showered you with gifts.

- But fuck the order.

- Oh, shit.

Sorry, honey.

You killed my boyfriend.

You killed our mutual friend.

I don't care how many of the fucks you are.

I'm gonna take you out.

- You don't stand a chance against the order.

Why do you fight when you could join us?

- I would rather die than join you rapist fucks.

- Your loyalty is misguided.

- You wanna kiss me?

- Come back here, pussy.

- You're the pussy!

You sick fucks.

- You will be even easier to kill than the girl.

- Her name was Stephanie!

You are loving this, aren't you?

Is this the only head you're gonna get?

What, are you one of those skull fuckers.

- And what if I fuck the skull of your boyfriend

after it was removed from his body?

Would that be objectionable to you?

- Yes, it is.

Should I kill you now?

Yeah, yeah, I think I should.

Heard you like skull fucking, huh?

Don't like it too much now, huh?

Oh, yeah.

It's hot.

I'm so sorry, Stephanie.

I'm so sorry, Bryan.

I'm going home.

You sure you don't want me to drive?

- I don't know where I'm going, so.

That's your cue.

- Well, I don't know how to work a map.

I could just use my phone.

- I love you.

- Well I'm kind of easy to love.

- You make blood look really good.

You're gonna be okay.

- Fuck.

Fuck, I fucking murdered someone!

Are you fucking kidding me?

If I die, we both die, bitch!

we have moved too slow

we have moved too slow